I just want to say that I would kill to be an intern at DKNY.
And I mean that literally.
Or figuratively.
Whichever one means that I would actually kill someone.
Sounds like you'll fit in well in the New York fashion industry.
If you get this position, don't expect a lot of sleep.
Our interns are the first ones in and the last ones out.
Sounds like me at a Nordstrom shoe sale.
You should know that I am a very hard worker,
I'm detail-oriented, and I'm always prepared.
But most of all, I'm very good at thinking...
...on my feet.
Hey. You're home early.
Well, I'm the boss.
I snuck out while I wasn't looking.
How are you, sweetie?
Hi. Good.
So, it looks like my daughter promoted you to laundrywoman.
Hey, don't forget to put your delicates in a lingerie bag.
There is nothing unmanly about me doing my family's laundry, okay?
Ooh! Hot zipper! Hot zipper!
You guys! I killed it!
What, the snake in the basement?
There's a snake in the basement?
Ah, don't worry.
Todd's more afraid of us than we are of him.
He obviously doesn't know how big he is.
Not a snake, no.
I'm talking about the Skype interview with the lady from DKNY.
- I got the job. - Oh.
Girl scream!
Oh, honey!
Congratulations!
Mom hug!
No, Mom, when you say it,
you don't have to run across the room and then do it.
Dad hug!
Well, I'm proud of you. Good going.
So, uh, spending the summer in New York.
Yep. 10 weeks. It's gonna be amazing!
Oh, honey, you are gonna have so much fun.
But just remember, keep an eye on your purse and your drinks
and your ability to care about others.
The former mayor Giuliani made New York one of the safest cities in America.
New York cops... best in the world.
Yeah, just try to avoid being an unarmed black man with your hands up.
That's clever.
You should put that on a t-shirt and march bravely around Whole Foods.
Hey, how much are they gonna pay you?
Oh, yeah, it's unpaid.
But they found me a really cheap apartment, and I'll be living off my savings.
And in return, I get to say I worked at DKNY.
You know, you could do that here for free.
Aren't all internships unpaid?
No, we pay our interns at Outdoor Man.
We've been paying Kyle as an intern, what, five years?
And I appreciate the opportunity, sir.
Dad, there have been hundreds of applicants.
I can't pass this up.
I just want to make sure you thought this through.
Yeah, I've been picturing this since I was 12.
I'll have a mean boss and a backstabbing co-worker,
but a nice, older gay man will help me triumph
and become the best version of myself.
Listen, you've got a clothing business that makes money in the basement.
Do you want to give that all up
just to make coffee and go get people sandwiches?
Oof. That is an awful lot to learn in 10 weeks.
Oh, she'll be getting an education in capitalism, Mike.
You know, how people at the bottom work for nothing
so the fat cats can get even fatter.
Nice try, Ryan. Nobody in fashion is fat.
Yeah.
Yep, it's the new-and-improved trickle-down economics.
Now without the "trickle."
You know a lot about economics for a washerwoman.
Oh, this is gonna be great.
Mandy's gonna get experience and make some valuable contacts.
It's called "paying your dues."
Like you do every month to the communist party, comrade.
But only rich and middle-class kids get these opportunities
because poor kids can't afford to do a fashion internship.
It's too bad because they probably know a thing or two about layering.
You know what?
He thinks this is a bad idea, which means it's probably a great idea.
Yay!
My baby's going to New York to be in the fashion industry!
Oh, Mom hug with... tears.
You can do it. It's okay.
Okay. Aww, Mommy!
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com
And this is where we will put the brick oven.
It's an awfully large space for one oven.
Unless we're gonna cook Hansel and Gretel.
Hansel and Gretel?
We're gonna have to set some guidelines
for how exotic the meat is we're cooking in it.
No, it... it has to be big, okay?
The animals we're gonna cook are big enough
to eat the animals on regular menus.
Is there any way we could put in a... like, a charcoal pit?
'Cause in the Philippines, they wrap pigs in banana leaves.
- Huh? Hmm. - Absolutely outstanding.
That's why I carry banana leaves and a machete in my truck,
just in case I run across a stray pig.
If he's gonna get a charcoal pit, then I want a Moroccan mud oven,
which means we'll need mud, which gives us a place to keep the pigs.
Mikey, it's all coming together!
Yes!
Ah, I get it.
You guys have traveled the world and eaten everything in your path, okay?
But this is Denver where we have health codes.
So, we are not cooking in dirt.
All right, yeah, but Mike could sure entertain the customers
with a live pig and his machete.
It'd be like our version of Benihana.
Good morning, sirs.
Daughter of sir.
Yeah.
Where's that dopey grin you always walk around with, huh?
This must be bad news.
I'm afraid so.
I want to take some time off, which means you won't be seeing me all summer.
Still waiting for the bad news.
I want to go with Mandy to New York.
And there it is.
- It's for 10 weeks. - 10 weeks?
Yeah, but it won't seem that long because of those New York minutes.
So that's 70 nights alone with Mike's daughter in the city that never sleeps?
Wonder if that oven's big enough for Kyle.
Well, it's okay with me if it's okay with Mike.
It's not okay with Mike!
Dad, nothing is gonna happen in New York
that isn't already happening here in Denver.
Spoken like a teenage mom.
Mr. B., Mandy means the world to me, and I need to know that she's safe.
She's gonna be just fine.
If you won't give me the time off, then I'll have to quit.
And I know that means that if I ever come back,
I'll have to start at the bottom.
You already are at the bottom.
Well, then I should pick up the job quick.
Oh, wow.
Oh, hello, Miss Vanessa.
Blanca, I am glad to see you.
This house is a mess.
Oh, yeah.
It looks like that time you had that crazy party
with all those drunken women.
That was... my book club.
Uh... Discussions get a little spirited.
Yeah, I remember cleaning blood out of the tablecloth.
Gosh, I've been so busy with these education classes,
I haven't had a chance to get to the housework.
If only I had given birth to people who could help me.
Embrace the mess, Mom.
Surrounding ourselves with germs will strengthen our immune systems.
Uh, Blanca, you think you can get to the kitchen today?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sewing downstairs for Miss Mandy.
I'm just on my break.
Wow, Mandy is really monopolizing a lot of your time lately.
Oh, but I don't mind because she pays me a lot...
As opposed to some other people.
- Oh, boy. Book club? - No.
No, we can't meet again until Andrea's stitches heal, so...
Hey, there's our future New Yorker.
You know what, honey?
I went to that travel store today, and I got you a subway map and a guidebook.
That's a good idea.
And I got you a tennis ball for hand exercise.
You want to make sure that middle finger's in good shape.
That's, um... that's really sweet of you guys, but I-I won't be going to New York.
Um, our grades came out today, and I didn't maintain my 3.2 average, so...
But, hey, hey, wait. Well, hold on a second.
Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You... you lost the internship?
How do you get bad grades in a fashion program?
Did you accidentally sew something a normal woman could wear?
Listen, you've been doing real well on your grades.
How did you drop the ball on this one?
Can we see your report card?
Report card? Really? We don't get those, Dad.
This isn't grade school.
Well, it is U.C. Denver.
I'm pretty sure they have a teeter-totter.
I've got it. I've got it. What if every customer's table
is shaped like the country their meat comes from?
So... They'd only be allowed to eat certain things based on their table,
or would we cut the table to a certain shape after they order?
I feel like you're mocking me.
Morning, everyone.
- Morning. How you doing? - Hey, Dad.
Listen, Ed, do we know anybody in the fashion industry?
I want to get my daughter an internship.
Well, Kristin's got a restaurant to open.
She doesn't have time for that.
I'm not talking about Kristin. I'm talking about Mandy.
She lost that internship 'cause of her G.P.A.
Was it too high for her to work in fashion?
Hey, I've got a buddy in Fort Wayne who manufactures these hats.
That's not cutting-edge fashion.
You're not gonna see that on the runway
unless you're bringing in planes during a snowstorm in Duluth.
Mandy could do worse than studying the classics, you know?
She's got her heart set on going to New York City.
Don't underestimate Fort Wayne. There's a lot to do there.
Yeah, like drive to Chicago.
I feel like you're mocking me.
Blanca, thank God you were able to find time
to come back and help us clean the house.
Oh, I appreciate the raise, Miss Vanessa.
Now the ball is back in Miss Mandy's court.
Oh, b... ooh!
What smells so good in here?
Well, Blanca and I are making a brisket.
So, half Guatemalan and half whatever you are.
- It's got mole sauce. - Yum.
Yeah, you'll like it, honey. There's chocolate in it.
- But I'm still getting dessert. - Okay, yeah, yeah.
Mandy, listen to this, honey.
I got you another summer internship in New York City.
It's from our high-end ski-apparel people.
Oh, yeah, their stuff is really fashionable. Yeah.
You know what? I even look great when I fall.
Usually off a stool in the ski lodge.
Wow. You didn't have to do this.
It's no problem.
It's all set up, and grades are not a factor.
Yeah. That's cool.
I mean, I-I was just thinking about what you said.
Mm-hmm.
I don't have to intern in the fashion business.
I'm already in the fashion business.
But, honey, you were so excited about going to New York,
and... and... and I bought you that subway map.
Why should I let the Anna Wintours of the world throw coats at me?
I'm the one who should be throwing coats at them.
I mean, seriously, what do these people really have to teach me?
A lot. I've seen you throw.
I never said you didn't have anything to learn.
Yeah, honey, you always benefit being exposed to people
who are successful in your industry.
A lot of people in New York want to expose themselves to you,
especially on the "J" train.
Honey, your dad has worked really hard to set up this internship for you.
I know. You said you want to do this, now you say you don't want to do it.
I'm confused.
I appreciate what you did.
I do.
But you're always telling us to bet on ourselves,
and that's what I'm doing here, okay?
Come on, Blanca. We got rompers to sew.
Ah, it also sounds like we have some negotiating to do.
Why would Mandy suddenly not want to go to New York, huh?
I hope she wasn't freaked out by that subway map I got her.
I mean, it was a lot of letters and numbers and just...
No.
Something's happened, and that's not it.
Well, it's not because she'd miss Denver... Or us.
Maybe... maybe it's Kyle.
That's it.
She just doesn't want to be away from Kyle.
No, you're wrong about that.
How can you be so sure?
Because I read people. I listen.
And I listened to Kyle when he said he's going to New York with her.
You know, a nice man would have told me that.
Well, you didn't marry a nice man.
But it does have something to do with Kyle, so you're not completely wrong.
Ah. Flatterer.
She wants to go, he decides to go with her, and she doesn't want to go.
Come on.
Yeah, well, it does make sense.
It... it does.
I mean, she wants to go to New York to hobnob with fancy fashion people,
and I just can't picture Kyle with that crowd.
So, she's putting aside her career for him?
That's wrong. I'm gonna say something to her.
Good, 'cause you're great at telling people they're wrong.
You know, if I was a nice man, I wouldn't enjoy it so much.
I might not ever make it to New York, but at least I'm the boss here.
Do you mind if I throw a coat at you?
Little girl, if you do, I'll just put it on and leave.
Hey, guys, uh, Blanca, could I speak with Mandy alone, please?
Oh, up the stairs, down the stairs!
This place is like "Downton Abbey" without the funny accents.
Feel free to call me Milord.
Listen, honey, you've been doing really good in school lately.
How do you explain the drop in grades?
I knew I was playing with fire when I raised your expectations.
I called U.C. Denver.
Oh, crap.
Then you found out I made the Dean's list.
What? What?
Dean's list?
Wait, you didn't call them?
No. Just bluffing. Dean's list? Really?
The real Dean's list, not just a list a guy named Dean made up?
Ha, ha. Don't act so surprised.
I work really hard.
Well, that begs the question...
Why are you bailing on going to New York?
Because... internships are exploitative,
and those New York minutes are so short,
and I don't like the red clam chowder.
I don't buy any of this.
This has something to do with Kyle.
But I do agree with you. That clam chowder is horrible.
It's like watery ketchup with clams in it.
Hey, Mrs. B.
Hey, Kyle.
Hey, what's in the bag?
Oh, I figured since Mandy couldn't go to New York, I would bring New York to her.
Oh, clever.
A big apple, just like the nickname.
New York has a nickname?
It's a Pippin because we were gonna see the musical "Pippin" in New York.
Oh, honey.
You know, maybe it's a good thing you're not traveling that far from home.
Um, listen, Kyle, I-I need to talk to you about something.
Um, I ju...
Uh, Blanca, will you just give us a little privacy?
Again?!
You know, I grew up with eight people in one room,
and the only way we ever got privacy was to stick our head in a paper bag.
And my brother had a girlfriend, so guess who hogged the bag.
Kyle, did... did Mandy ask you to go to New York with her?
Oh, no. I surprised her with that.
But we always want to be with each other.
Okay, well, some people think it's a good idea for couples to spend time apart.
Well, you can find anything on the Internet if you look hard enough.
Well, when Mr. Baxter and I got married,
he was traveling the world taking pictures for the Outdoor Man catalog.
Yeah, I've seen them. Yeah.
Yeah, he's wrestling that crocodile,
or he's got his head in that lion's mouth.
Yeah, well, some of those pictures may have been Photoshopped, uh...
Uh, b-but the thing is he never would have been able
to do all those things if I was with him.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah. Yeah.
And he wouldn't have become the inspirational figure he is today.
And who would have had driven me to achieve all the great things I've done?
Yeah, well, big loss all around, so...
Uh, but... but, Kyle, do you...
Do you see what I'm getting at?
Not really, but I don't think that's important
when you're enjoying a conversation.
You're afraid if Kyle goes with you he'll embarrass you.
Listen, I get it. I work with this guy every day, in public.
No, Dad. It's not that at all.
I love Kyle.
You know, some day, I want to have his babies I-if we...
if we can find a really beautiful surrogate
that doesn't mind us destroying her body.
All right. Then what's going on?
If I took this internship in New York, I would have to become...
Very selfish.
Do you know who you are here in Denver?
No, it would require all of my time and energy,
you know, soaking up information about the fashion world,
the way a brick soaks up water.
Right.
Hopefully a little more than that.
Yes.
Even more if that's even possible.
The... the way a hummingbird eats leaves.
Just...
Wow.
Dean's list. Really?
But you're afraid that if Kyle goes with you,
you won't be able to do these things?
Yeah.
It's like whatever fun stuff I would be doing,
there would be this little part of me that would want to be with him...
Right... Walking around or talking
or going down to Battery Park...
It's beautiful.
...to recharge our cellphones.
It's like...
It's so cool that they have that.
So, he'd be like a distraction...
A lovely distraction, kind of like a BlackBerry
is for me when your mom's talking about her work.
Sure.
Listen, if you don't want Kyle to go with you, honey,
you're gonna have to tell him that.
I'm afraid it's gonna hurt his feelings, though.
If you're going to have an adult relationship,
you have to learn to do adult things,
which means sometimes saying the hard things.
But...
What if he breaks up with me?
Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
It could also end badly.
All I'm saying is if you love someone, you should set them free,
and if they return to you, they're truly yours.
Or maybe they're coming back for revenge
because it took you so long to set them free.
Eve, dinner!
Oh.
- Hey, Kyle. - Hey.
- All right.
Let's get it on a plate so I can shovel it in.
I got things to do, people. What are we having, anyway?
Uh, brisket with chocolate sauce.
Take that, Michelle Obama.
Uh, Blanca, maybe we should give these two some...
I know the drill.
Ay, of all the days to forget my fitbit.
These steps mean nothing.
Um, okay, so, about New York.
I think I can still get that internship at DKNY.
That is great.
Yeah.
But I think you should go without me.
No, you don't.
Yeah, I do.
I'm worried about being away from my grandma for that long.
She gets into a lot of pickles...
So the nurses had to padlock the fridge.
But at least she stopped getting into jams.
Kyle, I know you're just saying that to be a nice guy,
but I owe it to you to tell you the truth, okay?
I don't want you to come with me.
Are you breaking up with me?
No. I just don't want to be with you.
Oh.
I'm not hearing the difference.
Um, okay, I'm just talking about for the summer.
So if you came with me to New York, I would kind of be distracted
when I would need to be focusing on my career.
Like how your mom would have distracted your dad
when he was traveling the world.
I understand.
So...
You okay with this?
Yeah.
I just want you to get everything you want in life.
Sometimes I worry that you're so smart and ambitious
that you'll outgrow me and leave me behind.
Hey, that's not gonna happen.
Well, just to be sure, I'm gonna take this time apart to improve myself.
Yeah?
Okay, yeah. While you're gone, I'll...
I'll go back to school and finally finish my degree.
Oh, that would be so great for you!
Yeah, it's a six-week commitment.
But by the time you get back, I will be a certified taxidermist.
Babe! Amazing. You love animals.
And you're almost as good at sewing as I am.
Yeah.
And once I'm an expert at stuffing things,
I know I'll always have you by my side.
Oh, honey.
Yep. I want to look at that face forever.
Hey. Mike Baxter here with a word about date night.
I think it's a great idea, but unfortunately, my wife insists on coming along.
How much closeness is healthy in a relationship?
Let's look at some famous couples.
Uh, Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt, America's favorite inbred first family.
They were cousins, which you'd think would make them close,
but they actually spent very little time together.
Eleanor was traveling the world visiting socialist countries
while Franklin was here turning America into one.
Bill and Hillary Clinton lead mostly separate lives,
but they're still very much in love...
With power and pantsuits.
We all know Jack Kennedy spent a lot of time away in Maryland.
The state.
You know, where Camp David is.
He slept with Marilyn in Palm Springs.
Oh, yeah.
On the other hand, there's couples who are too close,
who never get a break from each other.
It never works out.
Ike and Tina Turner, Sonny and Cher, Donny and Marie.
No, I think what you want is a proper balance.
You want to see enough of each other
that you could pick your spouse out of a police lineup
but not so much that you end up, you know, in the police lineup.
Which brings me back to date night.
Where's the perfect place to bring your honey on a date?
Everyone would say, "Paris, Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe," but it's expensive.
It's crawling with French people.
Ugh.
So bring her down to the Outdoor Man Grill opening next month.
Not only do we welcome lovebirds, we serve them in a port wine sauce.