1
00:00:02,264 --> 00:00:05,133
And here's another
interesting weather fact.
2
00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:07,802
Another? Great!
3
00:00:07,804 --> 00:00:11,172
Changes in jet streams
can affect the speed
4
00:00:11,174 --> 00:00:13,474
at which the Earth
rotates on its axis,
5
00:00:13,476 --> 00:00:16,844
so bad weather can actually
make the day longer.
6
00:00:16,846 --> 00:00:19,714
Well, there must be a hell
of a storm somewhere.
7
00:00:21,550 --> 00:00:23,618
Joke if you must,
8
00:00:23,620 --> 00:00:25,720
but you're going to
miss these moments.
9
00:00:25,722 --> 00:00:27,488
With Leonard home
in a few days,
10
00:00:27,490 --> 00:00:30,691
this was your last time driving
me to the grocery store.
11
00:00:30,693 --> 00:00:32,660
You know,
I will miss this.
12
00:00:32,662 --> 00:00:35,797
I'll tell you what,
if my apples are mealy,
13
00:00:35,799 --> 00:00:40,134
we'll hit the produce section
for one last crazy blowout.
14
00:00:40,136 --> 00:00:42,336
Heck, you can even
push the cart.
15
00:00:42,338 --> 00:00:46,674
Please don't take my looking
forward to Leonard's return
16
00:00:46,676 --> 00:00:50,011
as criticism of the job you've
been doing in his absence.
17
00:00:50,013 --> 00:00:51,479
I won't.
18
00:00:52,548 --> 00:00:56,184
That criticism will come later
in your report card.
19
00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:58,319
Yeah, I didn't stay
for the detention,
20
00:00:58,321 --> 00:01:00,388
I'm not gonna read
the report card.
21
00:01:03,792 --> 00:01:04,759
Hello.
22
00:01:04,761 --> 00:01:05,893
(screams)
Leonard!
23
00:01:05,895 --> 00:01:07,228
- Shh, shh.
- Hi!
24
00:01:07,230 --> 00:01:08,629
- Keep your voice down.
- Oh, my God.
25
00:01:08,631 --> 00:01:09,931
You weren't supposed
to be here till Sunday!
26
00:01:09,933 --> 00:01:11,165
We finished
the experiment early,
27
00:01:11,167 --> 00:01:12,867
so I thought I'd come home
and surprise you.
28
00:01:12,869 --> 00:01:14,368
Oh, my gosh, why
are we whispering?
29
00:01:14,370 --> 00:01:15,269
I didn't tell Sheldon,
30
00:01:15,271 --> 00:01:16,971
so we could have
a few days alone.
31
00:01:16,973 --> 00:01:18,906
Oh, that is
so romantic.
32
00:01:18,908 --> 00:01:21,142
Uh, sure,
that's why I did it.
33
00:01:22,111 --> 00:01:25,646
Oh... I just cannot
believe you're here.
34
00:01:25,648 --> 00:01:27,081
SHELDON: Penny, it's
your lucky day!
35
00:01:27,083 --> 00:01:29,117
Three of the eggs are
clearly not jumbo.
36
00:01:29,119 --> 00:01:30,485
Grab your keys.
37
00:01:32,354 --> 00:01:35,990
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
38
00:01:35,992 --> 00:01:39,327
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
39
00:01:39,329 --> 00:01:40,962
♪ The Earth began to cool
40
00:01:40,964 --> 00:01:43,498
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
41
00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:46,167
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
42
00:01:46,169 --> 00:01:48,836
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
43
00:01:48,838 --> 00:01:50,738
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
44
00:01:50,740 --> 00:01:51,740
♪ Bang! ♪
45
00:01:51,741 --> 00:01:55,740
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x02 ♪
The Deception Verification
Original Air Date on September 26, 2013
46
00:01:55,741 --> 00:02:00,741
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
47
00:02:01,196 --> 00:02:03,765
Uh, Stuart,
I was wondering
48
00:02:03,767 --> 00:02:05,566
if you could help me
find something.
49
00:02:05,568 --> 00:02:08,603
Happy to, unless it's hope
or a reason to live.
50
00:02:09,438 --> 00:02:12,840
Oh, you make me laugh,
sad clown.
51
00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:15,276
Anyhoo...
52
00:02:15,278 --> 00:02:17,779
Leonard will be back
in a couple days
53
00:02:17,781 --> 00:02:20,081
and I need a welcome-home
gift for him.
54
00:02:20,083 --> 00:02:22,617
As he's been at sea,
perhaps something
55
00:02:22,619 --> 00:02:25,219
with a nautical theme
might be appropriate.
56
00:02:25,221 --> 00:02:28,056
Okay, well, I don't know
how much you want to spend,
57
00:02:28,058 --> 00:02:31,459
but I do have this pretty
cool Aquaman statue.
58
00:02:35,264 --> 00:02:37,065
Aquaman?
59
00:02:37,067 --> 00:02:39,634
Oh, this isn't
a gag gift, Stuart.
60
00:02:40,469 --> 00:02:41,869
Yeah, just as well.
61
00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:43,504
It's a pretty
rare piece.
62
00:02:43,506 --> 00:02:45,940
I'd rather just sell it
to a real collector.
63
00:02:45,942 --> 00:02:48,476
I'm a real collector.
64
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:51,479
How rare is it?
65
00:02:51,481 --> 00:02:52,980
Oh, I shouldn't even
have mentioned it.
66
00:02:52,982 --> 00:02:55,650
How about a Batman
squirt gun?
67
00:02:55,652 --> 00:02:57,352
Don't try and trick me
68
00:02:57,354 --> 00:02:59,487
into buying something
I don't want.
69
00:02:59,489 --> 00:03:01,622
Now let's talk Aquaman.
70
00:03:02,758 --> 00:03:05,860
What were they thinking,
putting Doctor Octopus's mind
71
00:03:05,862 --> 00:03:07,562
in Spider-Man's body?
72
00:03:07,564 --> 00:03:09,564
Well, I've been
quite enjoying that.
73
00:03:09,566 --> 00:03:11,866
It combines all the
superhero fun of Spider-Man
74
00:03:11,868 --> 00:03:15,002
with all the body-switching
shenanigans of Freaky Friday.
75
00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:18,773
Both versions:
original and Lohan.
76
00:03:18,775 --> 00:03:21,209
(imitating Koothrappali):
"Both versions: original and Lohan."
77
00:03:21,211 --> 00:03:22,343
You're an idiot.
78
00:03:22,345 --> 00:03:24,545
Hey, what's your problem?
79
00:03:24,547 --> 00:03:26,814
I'm sorry, I've been
kind of snippy lately.
80
00:03:26,816 --> 00:03:29,150
It's probably this
stupid diet I'm on.
81
00:03:29,152 --> 00:03:30,184
Why are you on a diet?
82
00:03:30,186 --> 00:03:32,320
I've put on
a couple pounds.
83
00:03:33,355 --> 00:03:35,757
Had to buy these pants
in the men's section.
84
00:03:37,993 --> 00:03:40,294
Well, we've all
seen your mom.
85
00:03:41,697 --> 00:03:42,864
That Butterball turkey
86
00:03:42,866 --> 00:03:44,999
was bound to come
home to roost.
87
00:03:46,335 --> 00:03:49,036
$1,200!
That's my final offer!
88
00:03:50,305 --> 00:03:52,273
All right, Sheldon,
you win.
89
00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:54,442
I'm sure Leonard
is gonna love this.
90
00:03:54,444 --> 00:03:57,311
Oh, right,
a present for Leonard.
91
00:03:58,313 --> 00:04:00,815
You better throw in
that squirt gun.
92
00:04:00,817 --> 00:04:02,417
Yeah, I don't know.
93
00:04:02,419 --> 00:04:05,453
This squirt gun, it's,
uh, it's pretty rare.
94
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,856
Ooh.
95
00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:13,661
And this is me doing
the Titanic pose on the boat.
96
00:04:13,663 --> 00:04:15,663
Ah.
97
00:04:15,665 --> 00:04:16,864
And... oh.
98
00:04:16,866 --> 00:04:18,766
That's me getting rescued
after I fell in.
99
00:04:18,768 --> 00:04:20,268
Oh.
100
00:04:20,270 --> 00:04:21,636
(knocking)
101
00:04:21,638 --> 00:04:22,537
Oh, that's the pizza.
102
00:04:22,539 --> 00:04:23,638
- Yep.
- (clears throat)
103
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,373
- Here's some money.
- Thank you.
104
00:04:25,375 --> 00:04:26,641
And I'm gonna hit the head.
105
00:04:26,643 --> 00:04:28,443
That's what us
salty sea dogs say
106
00:04:28,445 --> 00:04:30,144
when we have to go pee-pee.
107
00:04:32,514 --> 00:04:34,282
- Hey.
- $22.50.
108
00:04:34,284 --> 00:04:36,217
Okay, here's, uh, $25.
Keep the change.
109
00:04:36,219 --> 00:04:37,418
Seriously?
110
00:04:37,420 --> 00:04:40,087
I just walked up, like,
four flights of stairs.
111
00:04:40,089 --> 00:04:41,088
Oh.
112
00:04:41,090 --> 00:04:42,623
Okay.
113
00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:44,192
Well, here's, um...
114
00:04:44,194 --> 00:04:46,327
30-something cents
115
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:48,396
and a promise
I won't call your boss
116
00:04:48,398 --> 00:04:51,232
and tell him
you reek of marijuana.
117
00:04:52,768 --> 00:04:55,236
Oh, Penny, I see
you've ordered pizza.
118
00:04:55,238 --> 00:04:56,838
I have Chinese food.
119
00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:57,872
That's nice.
120
00:04:57,874 --> 00:05:01,509
Oh, that's
a rather earthy cologne.
121
00:05:03,445 --> 00:05:06,180
My uncle used
to wear that.
122
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,083
Perhaps we can enjoy
one last meal together
123
00:05:09,085 --> 00:05:10,852
before Leonard returns.
- Yeah, thanks,
124
00:05:10,854 --> 00:05:12,520
but I kind of feel like
eating alone tonight, so...
125
00:05:12,522 --> 00:05:13,721
Are you sure?
126
00:05:13,723 --> 00:05:16,390
With your Italian pizza
and my Chinese noodles,
127
00:05:16,392 --> 00:05:17,925
we could play Marco Polo.
128
00:05:17,927 --> 00:05:20,928
I mean, of course, a
reenactment of a meal
129
00:05:20,930 --> 00:05:23,297
in the life of Marco Polo
the Venetian explorer,
130
00:05:23,299 --> 00:05:26,901
not Marco Polo the
terrifying water sport.
131
00:05:26,903 --> 00:05:29,871
Uh, yeah, it sounds fun,
but no thanks.
132
00:05:29,873 --> 00:05:31,305
(toilet flushes)
Have a good night!
133
00:05:31,307 --> 00:05:33,174
What, now...
do you have company?
134
00:05:33,176 --> 00:05:34,909
No. No, no, no.
135
00:05:34,911 --> 00:05:36,577
You know what?
Th-The toilet's been doing that.
136
00:05:36,579 --> 00:05:38,012
I called
the building manager, so...
137
00:05:38,014 --> 00:05:40,147
- Oh, I can take a look at it.
- Well...
138
00:05:40,149 --> 00:05:41,415
I'm quite familiar
with plumbing.
139
00:05:41,417 --> 00:05:42,717
Not to brag,
140
00:05:42,719 --> 00:05:46,053
but I spent most of fifth grade
with my head in a toilet.
141
00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:47,555
Yeah, no, no, no.
142
00:05:47,557 --> 00:05:49,056
You know what,
Sheldon, it's okay.
143
00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:50,825
You don't have to go
into the bathroom.
144
00:05:50,827 --> 00:05:52,326
That's curious.
145
00:05:52,328 --> 00:05:53,661
If there's no one here,
146
00:05:53,663 --> 00:05:56,931
why are there two glasses
of wine on the table?
147
00:05:56,933 --> 00:05:58,432
Oh.
148
00:05:58,434 --> 00:06:00,301
Well, you know,
I-I've got two hands
149
00:06:00,303 --> 00:06:02,570
and a bit of a drinking problem.
150
00:06:02,572 --> 00:06:04,005
Of course.
151
00:06:04,007 --> 00:06:05,172
Ask a silly question.
152
00:06:05,174 --> 00:06:06,107
Oh. (chuckles)
153
00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:08,809
That's odd.
154
00:06:08,811 --> 00:06:09,610
Um, what?
155
00:06:09,612 --> 00:06:10,845
There are takeout containers
156
00:06:10,847 --> 00:06:12,113
in the trash can.
157
00:06:12,115 --> 00:06:14,649
So? That's my dinner
from last night.
158
00:06:14,651 --> 00:06:17,752
What's odd is
they're in the trash can.
159
00:06:17,754 --> 00:06:19,120
Okay.
160
00:06:19,122 --> 00:06:20,321
Look, honey,
I promise there's no one's here.
161
00:06:20,323 --> 00:06:21,455
I've had a long day.
162
00:06:21,457 --> 00:06:22,990
I just want to have
a quiet dinner by myself.
163
00:06:22,992 --> 00:06:25,426
Oh, very well.
164
00:06:25,428 --> 00:06:28,863
I'm no stranger to enjoying
the pleasures of solitude.
165
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:32,233
- Oh!
- What?
166
00:06:32,235 --> 00:06:34,135
Have you gotten Leonard
a welcome-home gift yet?
167
00:06:34,137 --> 00:06:35,269
- No.
- Oh, great.
168
00:06:35,271 --> 00:06:36,737
Do you want
to go halfsies
169
00:06:36,739 --> 00:06:38,472
on a $200 squirt gun?
170
00:06:41,743 --> 00:06:42,643
Hi, honey.
171
00:06:42,645 --> 00:06:43,644
Hey.
172
00:06:43,646 --> 00:06:45,446
I made some brownies.
You want one?
173
00:06:46,315 --> 00:06:48,149
You're kidding, right?
174
00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:50,284
I mean, you know
175
00:06:50,286 --> 00:06:52,119
I'm trying to lose weight.
176
00:06:52,121 --> 00:06:55,756
God, I thought we were partners
in this marriage.
177
00:06:55,758 --> 00:06:57,391
We are. Stop it.
178
00:06:57,393 --> 00:06:59,226
And for the last time,
you're not fat.
179
00:06:59,228 --> 00:07:01,329
Really? Tell that
to the bathroom scale,
180
00:07:01,331 --> 00:07:03,664
'cause one of you is lying.
181
00:07:03,666 --> 00:07:06,000
Fine, forget I asked.
182
00:07:06,002 --> 00:07:08,169
How was dinner
at your mom's?
183
00:07:08,171 --> 00:07:09,236
Awful.
184
00:07:09,238 --> 00:07:11,706
I had to rub her ointment
all over her again.
185
00:07:11,708 --> 00:07:13,274
Why can't she do it?
186
00:07:13,276 --> 00:07:16,544
'Cause we've got a deeply
unhealthy relationship.
187
00:07:17,579 --> 00:07:19,046
Which reminds me,
188
00:07:19,048 --> 00:07:21,382
do you think you can get
any samples of this from work?
189
00:07:21,384 --> 00:07:23,017
This was supposed
to last her a month,
190
00:07:23,019 --> 00:07:24,251
but they didn't take
into account
191
00:07:24,253 --> 00:07:26,220
the square footage of her back.
192
00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:30,625
Let me see.
193
00:07:30,627 --> 00:07:32,326
How long have you been
putting this on her?
194
00:07:32,328 --> 00:07:33,494
I don't know.
195
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:34,462
Few weeks. Why?
196
00:07:34,464 --> 00:07:37,264
This is really strong
estrogen cream.
197
00:07:37,266 --> 00:07:39,066
Please tell me
you've been wearing gloves.
198
00:07:39,068 --> 00:07:41,802
Like these swollen sausages
could fit in gloves.
199
00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:45,773
Howie, the estrogen's getting
absorbed by your skin.
200
00:07:45,775 --> 00:07:47,141
That's why you've been
201
00:07:47,143 --> 00:07:51,112
all bloated and moody
and a giant pain in the ass.
202
00:07:51,114 --> 00:07:54,482
You're full of estrogen
and you don't act like that.
203
00:07:54,484 --> 00:07:55,750
That's 'cause I'm a woman.
204
00:07:55,752 --> 00:07:59,353
I've had years of practice
riding the dragon.
205
00:08:00,722 --> 00:08:01,956
Fine.
206
00:08:01,958 --> 00:08:03,391
I'll wear gloves next time.
207
00:08:03,393 --> 00:08:04,892
It's still gonna take
a few weeks
208
00:08:04,894 --> 00:08:06,494
for the hormones
to leave your system.
209
00:08:06,496 --> 00:08:08,963
I feel so stupid.
210
00:08:08,965 --> 00:08:11,732
And fat.
211
00:08:11,734 --> 00:08:13,134
It's okay.
212
00:08:13,136 --> 00:08:15,202
You still look
great to me.
213
00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:17,271
In fact, why don't
we go in the bedroom
214
00:08:17,273 --> 00:08:19,306
and I'll prove
it to you?
215
00:08:19,308 --> 00:08:20,675
Sex? Really?
216
00:08:20,677 --> 00:08:23,077
I mean, that's just
your solution to everything!
217
00:08:25,447 --> 00:08:27,014
Oh, and here's
a fun thing.
218
00:08:27,016 --> 00:08:28,949
I worked it out
so that there are
219
00:08:28,951 --> 00:08:30,384
two different
words for spoon:
220
00:08:30,386 --> 00:08:32,987
"planko" and "janko."
221
00:08:32,989 --> 00:08:35,322
"Planko" is a spoon
with food,
222
00:08:35,324 --> 00:08:37,324
"janko" is a spoon
without food.
223
00:08:39,094 --> 00:08:41,228
"Janko" is spelled
with a silent "ptang."
224
00:08:43,298 --> 00:08:45,266
Sheldon, you're
not even listening
225
00:08:45,268 --> 00:08:47,635
to the rules of my
made-up language.
226
00:08:47,637 --> 00:08:49,036
Yes, I am.
227
00:08:49,038 --> 00:08:50,905
Then what does
"tweepadock" mean?
228
00:08:50,907 --> 00:08:52,606
Uh...
229
00:08:52,608 --> 00:08:53,974
elephant?
230
00:08:53,976 --> 00:08:56,243
Lucky guess.
231
00:08:58,847 --> 00:09:00,081
I'm sorry.
232
00:09:00,083 --> 00:09:01,749
I'm just distracted
by something
233
00:09:01,751 --> 00:09:03,250
that happened over at Penny's.
234
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:04,385
What happened?
235
00:09:04,387 --> 00:09:07,288
I fear Penny is being
unfaithful to Leonard.
236
00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:08,355
What?
237
00:09:08,357 --> 00:09:10,291
She claimed to be alone
238
00:09:10,293 --> 00:09:13,294
when there was obviously
someone else in her apartment.
239
00:09:13,296 --> 00:09:15,796
I have no choice but
to assume the worst,
240
00:09:15,798 --> 00:09:18,232
given Leonard's
lengthy sea voyage
241
00:09:18,234 --> 00:09:21,602
and her famously
ravenous nether regions.
242
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,605
I don't think Penny
would cheat on Leonard.
243
00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:25,840
Oh, really?
244
00:09:25,842 --> 00:09:27,208
(chuckles)
245
00:09:28,643 --> 00:09:31,445
She and I once had
a staring contest.
246
00:09:31,447 --> 00:09:34,482
She clapped really loud
and made me blink.
247
00:09:35,684 --> 00:09:38,953
It's a small leap from
there to sexual infidelity.
248
00:09:40,856 --> 00:09:42,890
You're being ridiculous.
249
00:09:42,892 --> 00:09:45,426
Amy, there were Chinese
food containers...
250
00:09:45,428 --> 00:09:47,661
in the trash can.
251
00:09:49,498 --> 00:09:51,198
Poor Leonard.
252
00:09:56,938 --> 00:09:58,439
Do you hear anything?
253
00:09:58,441 --> 00:10:00,441
I hear a woman's voice.
254
00:10:00,443 --> 00:10:01,675
Is it Penny?
255
00:10:01,677 --> 00:10:03,344
No, it's you.
256
00:10:05,914 --> 00:10:08,516
All right,
I hear whispering and giggling.
257
00:10:08,518 --> 00:10:10,017
Now I think
I hear kissing.
258
00:10:10,019 --> 00:10:12,987
Yeah, like you know
what kissing sounds like.
259
00:10:12,989 --> 00:10:16,524
There's kissing
in Star Trek, smarty-pants.
260
00:10:16,526 --> 00:10:18,359
Let me listen.
261
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,196
(whispering):
Sounds like Leonard.
262
00:10:22,198 --> 00:10:23,531
Please.
263
00:10:23,533 --> 00:10:25,566
Why would Leonard
come home early
264
00:10:25,568 --> 00:10:27,568
and waste his time kissing Penny
265
00:10:27,570 --> 00:10:30,771
when he could be hanging out
with his best buddy?
266
00:10:31,973 --> 00:10:33,374
Yeah, that's it.
267
00:10:33,376 --> 00:10:35,042
I'm catching
her in the act.
268
00:10:35,044 --> 00:10:37,077
No, Sheldon, don't.
269
00:10:37,079 --> 00:10:38,412
Aha!
270
00:10:38,414 --> 00:10:39,780
What the hell?!
271
00:10:39,782 --> 00:10:41,048
Leonard?
272
00:10:41,050 --> 00:10:43,017
Sheldon, you cannot just
barge in here like that!
273
00:10:43,019 --> 00:10:45,219
Right.
274
00:10:47,556 --> 00:10:48,556
(knocking) Penny!
275
00:10:48,558 --> 00:10:51,125
(knocking) Penny!
(knocking) Penny!
276
00:10:53,995 --> 00:10:55,462
Are you going to
277
00:10:55,464 --> 00:10:58,532
answer the door or should I
open it and say "aha" again?
278
00:11:06,909 --> 00:11:08,510
I'm sorry, Sheldon.
279
00:11:08,512 --> 00:11:09,678
I should've told you I was back.
280
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,580
I just wanted to have
a couple days alone with Penny.
281
00:11:11,582 --> 00:11:13,415
Oh, no, I should apologize.
282
00:11:13,417 --> 00:11:15,584
Uh, I never realized
to what extent
283
00:11:15,586 --> 00:11:17,619
our friendship was
a burden to you.
284
00:11:17,621 --> 00:11:19,287
(scoffs)
That is not fair.
285
00:11:19,289 --> 00:11:22,624
I complain about what a burden
it is at least once a month.
286
00:11:22,626 --> 00:11:24,225
Oh, no, no,
let's not sugarcoat this.
287
00:11:24,227 --> 00:11:28,196
You find me finicky,
pedantic and annoying.
288
00:11:28,198 --> 00:11:29,431
No, he doesn't.
289
00:11:29,433 --> 00:11:33,735
I actually have used
those exact words before.
290
00:11:33,737 --> 00:11:35,437
In that order.
291
00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:38,506
Well, Leonard,
I think it's high time
292
00:11:38,508 --> 00:11:42,010
you and I address
the "tweepadock" in the room.
293
00:11:42,012 --> 00:11:43,912
The what?
294
00:11:43,914 --> 00:11:45,714
- Amy?
- Please leave me out of this.
295
00:11:45,716 --> 00:11:47,515
Uh... fine.
296
00:11:47,517 --> 00:11:48,683
Leonard,
297
00:11:48,685 --> 00:11:49,985
there's no need for you
298
00:11:49,987 --> 00:11:51,453
to pretend to like me anymore.
299
00:11:51,455 --> 00:11:53,154
Come on, I said I was sorry.
300
00:11:53,156 --> 00:11:54,756
No, no, you save your apologies
301
00:11:54,758 --> 00:11:58,126
for after you've had
disappointing coitus with Penny.
302
00:12:00,129 --> 00:12:02,831
It was fine.
303
00:12:02,833 --> 00:12:04,499
Come on, this is silly.
304
00:12:04,501 --> 00:12:06,301
Hey, um, I brought you back
305
00:12:06,303 --> 00:12:09,638
a little present
from my trip, huh?
306
00:12:10,706 --> 00:12:12,507
It's that sailor cap
that you wanted.
307
00:12:12,509 --> 00:12:13,975
It's neat, huh?
308
00:12:15,011 --> 00:12:17,646
You honestly think you can
buy back my friendship
309
00:12:17,648 --> 00:12:19,047
with a cheap souvenir?
310
00:12:19,049 --> 00:12:20,882
I don't.
311
00:12:20,884 --> 00:12:21,950
No, I really don't.
312
00:12:21,952 --> 00:12:23,451
Just try it on.
313
00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:28,456
Oh, yeah.
314
00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:30,358
- Hello, sailor.
- Ooh, now we're talking.
315
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:31,860
(whoops)
316
00:12:32,695 --> 00:12:34,629
Excuse me.
317
00:12:43,172 --> 00:12:45,240
This changes nothing.
318
00:12:46,175 --> 00:12:47,375
Except the Halloween costume
319
00:12:47,377 --> 00:12:48,710
I'm wearing this year.
320
00:12:49,879 --> 00:12:51,646
Amy, you're going
to be Olive Oyl.
321
00:12:51,648 --> 00:12:53,214
Lay off the donuts.
322
00:12:56,919 --> 00:12:58,853
Thanks for coming over.
323
00:12:58,855 --> 00:12:59,754
No problem.
324
00:12:59,756 --> 00:13:01,556
Ooh, you made
little sandwiches!
325
00:13:01,558 --> 00:13:04,259
Yeah, that's cucumber
and cream cheese.
326
00:13:04,261 --> 00:13:05,960
That's turkey and loganberry.
327
00:13:05,962 --> 00:13:09,764
And don't tell my hips, but I'm
warming up a brie in the oven.
328
00:13:09,766 --> 00:13:11,766
Nice. So...
329
00:13:11,768 --> 00:13:13,735
Mmm. What's up?
330
00:13:13,737 --> 00:13:16,805
Okay, well, I've been reading up
on all the side effects
331
00:13:16,807 --> 00:13:18,807
you can get from estrogen,
332
00:13:18,809 --> 00:13:20,141
and...
333
00:13:20,143 --> 00:13:22,844
I need you to be honest with me.
334
00:13:22,846 --> 00:13:26,347
Do my boobs look bigger to you?
335
00:13:26,349 --> 00:13:29,150
Well, it's kind of hard to tell.
336
00:13:29,152 --> 00:13:31,119
Come on, Raj,
it's a "yes or no" question.
337
00:13:31,121 --> 00:13:32,454
I'm not sure.
338
00:13:32,456 --> 00:13:34,456
Um, wait.
339
00:13:34,458 --> 00:13:37,125
Jump up and down--
let's see if they jiggle.
340
00:13:43,432 --> 00:13:45,333
Uh, no, I...
341
00:13:45,335 --> 00:13:47,068
I still can't tell, uh...
342
00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:49,971
Oh, you know what?
Okay, uh, give me some of this.
343
00:13:53,042 --> 00:13:54,209
Seriously?
344
00:13:54,211 --> 00:13:55,577
Do you want my help or not?
345
00:13:56,412 --> 00:13:58,613
Fine.
346
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:05,019
Okay, yup.
347
00:14:05,021 --> 00:14:07,689
See, see, that-that
looks like...
348
00:14:07,691 --> 00:14:08,790
that looks like
they could be bigger.
349
00:14:08,792 --> 00:14:09,858
(sighs)
350
00:14:09,860 --> 00:14:11,826
But you know, I bet...
I bet when I do it,
351
00:14:11,828 --> 00:14:14,896
mine do the same thing.
352
00:14:18,601 --> 00:14:20,001
Yeah, they kind of do.
353
00:14:20,003 --> 00:14:21,803
Hmm. Uh, let me
see something.
354
00:14:21,805 --> 00:14:24,506
Hey, easy!
(chuckles)
355
00:14:24,508 --> 00:14:26,141
My nipples are sensitive.
356
00:14:26,143 --> 00:14:27,142
Oh.
357
00:14:27,144 --> 00:14:28,309
Sorry, sorry, uh...
358
00:14:28,311 --> 00:14:29,811
(exhaling)
359
00:14:29,813 --> 00:14:32,013
Okay.
360
00:14:36,752 --> 00:14:38,953
I mean...
361
00:14:40,790 --> 00:14:42,824
Yeah, m-maybe.
362
00:14:42,826 --> 00:14:44,993
Okay, let me feel.
363
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:56,304
No, I am definitely
up a cup size.
364
00:14:56,306 --> 00:14:57,539
You know, b-but
they're very firm,
365
00:14:57,541 --> 00:14:59,207
so you've got that
going for you.
366
00:14:59,209 --> 00:15:00,241
You think?
367
00:15:00,243 --> 00:15:02,443
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
very perky.
368
00:15:03,379 --> 00:15:04,712
Thank you.
369
00:15:04,714 --> 00:15:06,714
I really needed
to hear that today.
370
00:15:09,652 --> 00:15:10,952
(bell dings)
Ooh, brie's ready!
371
00:15:10,954 --> 00:15:13,021
Yay!
372
00:15:16,992 --> 00:15:17,992
Good morning.
373
00:15:17,994 --> 00:15:19,294
Hello.
374
00:15:19,296 --> 00:15:21,896
So am I driving
you to work
375
00:15:21,898 --> 00:15:23,731
or are you still mad at me?
376
00:15:23,733 --> 00:15:25,400
I'd like a ride.
377
00:15:26,235 --> 00:15:27,569
Assuming you actually do
378
00:15:27,571 --> 00:15:28,970
take me to work.
379
00:15:28,972 --> 00:15:30,839
Where do you think
I would take you?
380
00:15:30,841 --> 00:15:32,874
Who knows?
381
00:15:32,876 --> 00:15:34,943
Uh, you said
you'd be home yesterday,
382
00:15:34,945 --> 00:15:37,045
but you came home
three days ago.
383
00:15:37,047 --> 00:15:38,379
You say you're
taking me
384
00:15:38,381 --> 00:15:40,615
to work, but for all I know,
385
00:15:40,617 --> 00:15:44,285
I'll end up
in a deserted amusement park.
386
00:15:44,287 --> 00:15:46,921
Or a cornfield maze.
387
00:15:46,923 --> 00:15:48,723
Or a back alley dog fight.
388
00:15:48,725 --> 00:15:50,491
You tell me.
389
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:52,427
I'm going to work.
390
00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:53,862
You can come if you want.
391
00:15:53,864 --> 00:15:56,064
Okay.
392
00:15:56,066 --> 00:15:59,434
By the way, you have
something on your shirt.
393
00:15:59,436 --> 00:16:00,935
No, I don't.
394
00:16:00,937 --> 00:16:02,403
Hurts, doesn't it?
395
00:16:07,343 --> 00:16:09,477
You know, I find
myself wondering
396
00:16:09,479 --> 00:16:11,946
if anything you've
ever told me is true.
397
00:16:11,948 --> 00:16:13,481
I didn't make it back.
398
00:16:13,483 --> 00:16:15,683
The ship sank,
I'm in hell.
399
00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:21,823
You say you're from New Jersey,
but how can I believe you?
400
00:16:21,825 --> 00:16:24,692
Why would anyone claim
to be from New Jersey
401
00:16:24,694 --> 00:16:26,828
if they weren't?
402
00:16:28,664 --> 00:16:30,865
All right,
I'll give you that one.
403
00:16:30,867 --> 00:16:33,534
Hey, I said
I was sorry.
404
00:16:33,536 --> 00:16:35,169
What else
do you want from me?
405
00:16:35,171 --> 00:16:37,171
I want you to admit that
what you did was wrong.
406
00:16:37,173 --> 00:16:38,172
Fine.
407
00:16:38,174 --> 00:16:40,475
What I did was wrong.
408
00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:42,176
I wish I could
believe you.
409
00:16:42,178 --> 00:16:43,945
(groans)
410
00:16:43,947 --> 00:16:44,946
You know what?
411
00:16:44,948 --> 00:16:46,281
I'm not driving
you to work,
412
00:16:46,283 --> 00:16:47,916
because you're
incredibly annoying.
413
00:16:47,918 --> 00:16:50,718
You say one thing
and do the other,
414
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:54,522
so then you are driving me
and you find me a delight.
415
00:16:54,524 --> 00:16:56,524
- Stop it.
- Keep it up?
416
00:16:56,526 --> 00:16:57,325
Bye!
417
00:16:57,327 --> 00:16:58,893
Hello!
418
00:17:03,532 --> 00:17:07,635
So I guess you're really holding
up the other four fingers?
419
00:17:10,172 --> 00:17:12,073
Oh, hey, what are you
doing here so early?
420
00:17:12,075 --> 00:17:13,207
Driving Sheldon to work.
421
00:17:13,209 --> 00:17:14,842
He's still mad at Leonard, huh?
422
00:17:14,844 --> 00:17:16,210
Well, he's mad at you, too.
423
00:17:16,212 --> 00:17:20,181
He says you're the succubus
who led his friend astray.
424
00:17:21,784 --> 00:17:24,619
I don't know
what "succubus" is, but...
425
00:17:24,621 --> 00:17:27,355
it has "suck" in it,
so that can't be good.
426
00:17:28,724 --> 00:17:30,792
Thought I heard
you out here.
427
00:17:30,794 --> 00:17:31,693
Hey, Sheldon.
428
00:17:31,695 --> 00:17:33,161
You don't get a "hey."
429
00:17:33,163 --> 00:17:35,063
You get a "hmm."
430
00:17:35,065 --> 00:17:36,597
Come on, don't be like that.
431
00:17:36,599 --> 00:17:39,334
We had so much fun together
the last couple of months.
432
00:17:39,336 --> 00:17:40,568
You're right.
433
00:17:40,570 --> 00:17:42,437
Which makes your betrayal
all the more devastating.
434
00:17:42,439 --> 00:17:43,604
Sheldon...
435
00:17:43,606 --> 00:17:45,573
I let you buy
feminine hygiene products
436
00:17:45,575 --> 00:17:47,608
with my supermarket club card.
437
00:17:48,811 --> 00:17:50,645
You have any idea
the kind of coupons
438
00:17:50,647 --> 00:17:52,547
I'm going to get
in the mail now?
439
00:17:53,582 --> 00:17:55,016
Sheldon, your fight's
with Leonard.
440
00:17:55,018 --> 00:17:56,617
Penny's got nothing to do...
(stammers)
441
00:17:56,619 --> 00:17:58,353
Careful, Amy.
442
00:17:58,355 --> 00:18:02,190
The friend of my enemy's
girlfriend is my enemy.
443
00:18:02,192 --> 00:18:03,057
Really?
444
00:18:03,059 --> 00:18:04,158
Yes.
445
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:05,793
You're either with me
or against me.
446
00:18:05,795 --> 00:18:08,129
You want to take
the bus to work?
447
00:18:08,998 --> 00:18:11,232
Maybe there's a third option.
448
00:18:13,402 --> 00:18:16,838
FYI, I had a doughnut
for breakfast, you jerk.
449
00:18:19,775 --> 00:18:21,743
So now we're just
waiting for the data
450
00:18:21,745 --> 00:18:23,111
from the ship to be crunched,
451
00:18:23,113 --> 00:18:25,747
but the numbers look
pretty promising.
452
00:18:25,749 --> 00:18:26,914
That's so great.
453
00:18:26,916 --> 00:18:29,050
If you guys prove the existence
of Unruh radiation...
454
00:18:29,052 --> 00:18:30,151
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
455
00:18:30,153 --> 00:18:31,753
My eyes are up here.
456
00:18:33,956 --> 00:18:35,523
Howard, Raj.
457
00:18:35,525 --> 00:18:37,325
Judas.
458
00:18:38,260 --> 00:18:39,494
You know what?
459
00:18:39,496 --> 00:18:40,962
You're a crazy person.
460
00:18:40,964 --> 00:18:43,264
A crazy person
with a long memory,
461
00:18:43,266 --> 00:18:46,334
and if all goes
according to plan, a robot army.
462
00:18:47,236 --> 00:18:48,236
Stop it.
463
00:18:48,238 --> 00:18:49,504
Or a mutant army.
464
00:18:49,506 --> 00:18:52,173
It depends on how
my Kickstarter goes.
465
00:18:53,409 --> 00:18:55,543
I said, stop it!
466
00:18:55,545 --> 00:18:57,945
Now, listen to me.
467
00:18:57,947 --> 00:19:01,416
You two aren't just friends.
468
00:19:01,418 --> 00:19:03,384
You're best friends.
469
00:19:04,086 --> 00:19:06,220
And that's a beautiful thing.
470
00:19:07,923 --> 00:19:11,859
I mean, Leonard, you know why
he's so mad at you?
471
00:19:11,861 --> 00:19:13,661
It's 'cause he missed you!
472
00:19:13,663 --> 00:19:15,296
Yeah, and as his friend,
473
00:19:15,298 --> 00:19:18,066
you should be happy
474
00:19:18,068 --> 00:19:21,269
he has love in his life.
475
00:19:21,271 --> 00:19:23,171
As I do.
476
00:19:25,007 --> 00:19:27,308
This man held my breast
the other day,
477
00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:29,143
and I love him for it.
478
00:19:30,979 --> 00:19:33,915
A little loud, dude.
479
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:39,153
So, can we please put aside
these petty differences
480
00:19:39,155 --> 00:19:42,356
and just be glad
we're here together?
481
00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:46,928
- Okay.
- I suppose so.
482
00:19:46,930 --> 00:19:49,730
Thank you.
483
00:19:50,669 --> 00:19:51,969
Uh, it wasn't anything weird.
484
00:19:51,971 --> 00:19:54,271
It was just to see
how big they were.
485
00:20:03,784 --> 00:20:06,953
And then Leonard took me
to the barber and the dentist,
486
00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:08,755
and then to cap off
the perfect day,
487
00:20:08,757 --> 00:20:12,292
the Los Angeles Bureau
of Weights and Measures.
488
00:20:13,294 --> 00:20:15,362
I thought the measures
were going to be the stars
489
00:20:15,364 --> 00:20:18,765
of the show;
turns out it was the weights.
490
00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:21,835
I'm so glad you guys
are friends again.
491
00:20:21,837 --> 00:20:24,537
And I'm glad you and I
are friends again, too.
492
00:20:24,539 --> 00:20:25,905
- Aw.
- Which reminds me.
493
00:20:25,907 --> 00:20:28,675
This came in the mail,
and I want you to have it.
494
00:20:28,677 --> 00:20:32,212
"50 cents off Vagisil."
495
00:20:33,547 --> 00:20:36,349
Think of me
when you apply it.
496
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,320
Uh, can I just say,
497
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,455
I've missed all of us
hanging out together.
498
00:20:42,457 --> 00:20:44,090
- Yeah.
- Me, too.
499
00:20:44,092 --> 00:20:46,693
Um, since when can
Koothrappali talk
500
00:20:46,695 --> 00:20:48,461
in front of the girls
without a beer?
501
00:20:48,463 --> 00:20:50,664
Oh, that happened
right after you left.
502
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,232
And no one told me?
503
00:20:52,234 --> 00:20:55,502
(voice breaks): Can't believe
we forgot to tell him.
504
00:20:57,338 --> 00:20:58,305
(clears throat)
505
00:20:58,307 --> 00:21:00,173
Think of Sheldon
when you apply it.
506
00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:05,175
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man