1
00:00:03,753 --> 00:00:07,172
Completely empty box,
if you'd like to examine it.

2
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:08,382
Mm-hm.

3
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:12,720
Yep. I see nothing in this box
but a wasted childhood.

4
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,764
Little snarky there, celIo lessons.

5
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:23,022
And We have this completely ordinary
cyIinder if you'd like to examine it.

6
00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:28,318
Ordinary, yet l sense it
is dripping with magical potential.

7
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:30,863
Oh, dear Lord.

8
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:34,491
A man pops out for a moment
to evacuate his bowels...

9
00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:38,162
...and catch up on the adventures
of the Caped Crusader onIy to emerge...

10
00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:42,499
...and discover his apartment has been
transformed into a cabaret.

11
00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:46,045
Sheldon, he's just practicing
for his cousin's birthday party.

12
00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:50,424
As l was saying,
empty box, empty cylinder, and....

13
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:51,800
Ooh!

14
00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:53,469
Voilá.

15
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:58,932
I'm teIling you dude, there's a seat on the
Hogwart's Express with your name on it.

16
00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:02,644
This is how you're going to entertain
your little cousin and his friends?

17
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:05,689
-By lying to them?
-How is this lying?

18
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,692
A magic show is an inherently
deceitful proposition.

19
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:13,072
"This is an ordinary top hat."
"You've chosen that card freely."

20
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:16,575
"l do not have a set
of lock picks lodged in my keister."

21
00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:19,453
Can't you just enjoy the wonder?

22
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:22,748
Why must you peek
behind the curtain, or up the butt?

23
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,710
If we poison the criticaI thinking
faculties of children...

24
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:29,088
...by telling them
rabbits come out of hats...

25
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:33,175
...then we create adults who believe
in astrology and homeopathy...

26
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:36,345
...and that Ryan Reynolds was a
better choice for Green Lantern...

27
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,472
...than lovable rogue Nathan Fillion.

28
00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:43,227
Sheldon, He's just gonna do
a few magic tricks for some kids.

29
00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:47,064
I really don't think they're gonna
end up liking the Green Lantern movie.

30
00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:51,610
Don't be so hard on him, it's natural
to be a little cranky when you have...

31
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,654
...a quarter in your ear.

32
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:59,201
Coins lodged in body parts
is not a source of amusement.

33
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:02,830
When l was five, Billy Sparks
put a Mexican peso up my nose.

34
00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:04,414
[ALL LAUGHING]

35
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,502
-How is that not amusing?
-It's still there.

36
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:14,216
It takes me 45 minutes
to get through airport security.

37
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,596
Look. l made Sheldon disappear.
Ta-da!

38
00:02:20,598 --> 00:02:23,142
Next time you should open with that.

39
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:53,005
Ooh! Look who's out on a date. Pasadena's
favorite power coupIe, Shamy.

40
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:56,216
And that is the answer
to the question:

41
00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:00,691
So, are we celebrating
anything special tonight?

44
00:03:00,693 --> 00:03:01,909
Oh, yes.

45
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:10,939
...or the third Thursday in a month
with five Thursdays is date night.

46
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,861
That is so hot.

47
00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:22,409
AIl right, without objection,
the minutes of the previous date...

48
00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:27,164
...are considered read
and agreed to. Any new business?

49
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:30,042
-How was your day?
-Superb.

50
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:33,712
Ah, this morning l made
a palindrome with my Alpha-Bits.

51
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,298
"Nice Hat, Bob Tahecin."

52
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:40,219
Sounds like you hit the ground running.

53
00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:42,930
I have a bit of good news myself.

54
00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:46,475
My most recent paper on how
cooperative long-term potentiation...

55
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,144
...can map memory sequences
in dendritic branches...

56
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:51,146
...made the cover of Neuron.

57
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:57,611
Ooh! peaking of good news,
somebody just hit 1 00 Twitter folIowers.

58
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:03,116
That's nice. Anyway, l've been
dreaming of this day for a long time.

59
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:07,037
Yeah, me too. TripIe digits.
I'm not gonna lie, feels pretty good.

60
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:10,666
I'm the sole author on a paper
being published...

61
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,919
...in a distinguished journal that
may change the course of my field.

62
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,379
Mm-hm, mm-hm.
Ooh!

63
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:19,341
One-oh-one!
Air's getting a bit thin up here.

64
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,886
So are we ready to order?

65
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,723
Give me a minute.
I'm gonna go wash up.

66
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:32,062
WeIl, that's odd.
We both washed up when we came in.

67
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,606
It's probably a euphemism
for urination.

68
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:38,568
-Sheldon, what is wrong with you?
-Not much.

69
00:04:38,736 --> 00:04:42,823
AIthough l can be faulted
for being overly fond of koala bears.

70
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:48,036
I don't know what it is, when they start
munching on eucalyptus, I melt inside.

71
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:52,457
Okay. Amy told you some exciting news
and you acted Iike it was no big deal.

72
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,668
Oh! l see why you're confused. No.

73
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,713
Her news sounded important,
but what you're forgetting is...

74
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,424
...it was an achievement
in the fieId of biology.

75
00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:03,385
That's all about yucky squishy things.

76
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:07,431
AIl right, honey, she's upset.
You're her boyfriend.

77
00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:11,476
You have to at Ieast try to be excited
by the things she's excited by.

78
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:16,523
-What if they simply don't excite me?
-WeIl, just smile and think about koaIas.

79
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:20,193
She'd see right through that.
We go to the zoo all the time.

80
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:21,653
She knows my koala face.

81
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:25,615
And for future reference, it's this.

82
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,373
Wow, you have a lot of magic stuff.

83
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,751
Yeah, started when I was a teenager.

84
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:39,755
Thought I could show a girl a few tricks
and invite her up to my bedroom...

85
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:42,466
...to see the rest of the act.

86
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,635
-Did it work?
-Let's just say...

87
00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:49,264
...the only wand that ever saw any action
was this one.

88
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:57,356
Oh! Look what my mom
made us for the act.

89
00:05:57,565 --> 00:06:00,692
Ooh! I like the fabric.
Where'd she get it?

90
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:03,779
WeIl, she cut up
one of her old bathing suits.

91
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:10,535
She made these two vests
and half a dozen napkins.

92
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:13,747
MRS. WOLOWlTZ:
Has she tried on the vest yet?

93
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,875
[YELLlNG]: l just gave it to her.
-I hope it fits.

94
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:21,755
She has a tricky figure.
She's short and stacked like me.

95
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:27,511
She's not stacked like you, Ma.
She never steps on hers.

96
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:35,435
Listen, Howie. Maybe l'm not the
best choice to be a magician's assistant.

97
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:38,146
[lN NORMAL VOlCE]:
You'll do fine. Hand me those rings?

98
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:41,483
See? You nailed it.

99
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:44,736
No, it's just that l'm not
that comfortable with little kids.

100
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,030
That's because you
haven't been around them.

101
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:51,326
This is good practice. I mean, you are
gonna be a mom someday, right?

102
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,037
Yeah, sure.

103
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:55,872
Oh, ho, ho!

104
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:59,418
I haven't seen this trick in years.

105
00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:03,505
It's caIled the dove pan. You let
everyone see the pan is empty...

106
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:07,300
...but there's a secret
compartment in the lid.

107
00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:10,303
And then you open it
and produce a live--

108
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:11,847
[GAGS]

109
00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:16,226
[COUGHING]

110
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,774
Don't Iook in there.

111
00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:27,028
[SPURS JANGLlNG ON TV]

112
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,115
Oh, a little "Red Dead Redemption," huh?

113
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,743
-Yes.
-How come you're not doing a mission?

114
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:36,037
You're just wandering around.

115
00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:40,292
I had a rough night, thought l'd
go for a walk and cIear my head.

116
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,881
Some people
go outside and do that.

117
00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:49,718
It's after 9:00.
At this hour, the streets of Pasadena...

118
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,971
...are teeming with
drunken sailors and alley cats.

119
00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,099
Do you wanna talk about it?

120
00:07:56,267 --> 00:08:01,104
No, I think I'll just go in this
saloon and drink my troubles away.

121
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,863
You know digital alcohol
is never a solution.

122
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,366
What's going on?

123
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:16,286
Hard as this may be to believe...

124
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:20,540
...it's possible that I'm
not boyfriend material.

125
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,338
Glad l was sitting down for that.

126
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,591
Did you and Amy get in a fight?

127
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:32,469
Amy had a fight.
I was being perfectIy reasonable.

128
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,722
I'm gonna have a whiskey.
Want anything?

129
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:40,477
No, I can't.
I'm playing "Grand Theft Auto" later.

130
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,236
-Look, l'm no expert in women--
-I'll say.

131
00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:53,532
Not necessary when
someone's trying to help you.

132
00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:57,244
Sorry, it's the alcohol talking.
Go on.

133
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:03,959
Sometimes with women
you wanna listen to what upsets them...

134
00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:08,880
...and show them that you
can grow and change.

135
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,800
Nuts to that. what else you got?

136
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,429
I don't know what to telI you.
Buy her something.

137
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,183
How does that work?

138
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:25,438
WeIl, you skip over any attempt
to repair your emotional connection...

139
00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:30,110
...and you win back her affection
with an empty financiaI gesture.

140
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:35,198
WeIl, that approach has
Sheldon Cooper written all over it.

141
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:39,452
-Glad l could help.
-It's appreciated.

142
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:42,956
If you manage to find a woman again,
I'll be glad to return the favor.

143
00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:51,047
And now, all the rings
are magicaIly linked together.

144
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:58,555
My fiancée's wearing a magic ring too.
It made all my money disappear.

145
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,851
Oh, oh, right.

146
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,769
[RIMSHOT]

147
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:12,193
And now, the Great Howdini's
next miraculous illusion.

148
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,071
When are we gonna have cake?

149
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:18,742
After you've been thoroughly amazed.

150
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:22,412
But we want cake now.

151
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,665
WeIl, you're not getting
cake right now, capiche?

152
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:30,462
Heh, heh, okay, okay.

153
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,549
Now my lovely assistant
is going to bring me...

154
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:38,595
-...an ordinary pitcher of milk.
-I know how you do that trick.

155
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,388
Do you know how to pipe down?

156
00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:47,103
Okay, we're going to
roll up this newspaper.

157
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,814
-It's a fake pitcher.
-You got wax in your ears?

158
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:52,567
The man said it's an ordinary pitcher.

159
00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:55,612
Howdini?

160
00:10:56,864 --> 00:11:01,201
Okay. we're going to stick this
in here.

161
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:04,412
And then I'm going to pour in
the milk.

162
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:07,457
Ha, ha, l hope this works because
I didn't bring a change of pants.

163
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:12,128
Look, l Googled it.
It's a fake pitcher.

164
00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:19,094
That's it. No cake for you.
Anyone else wanna join the No Cake Club?

165
00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:23,807
She's just kidding, boys and girls.
Everyone gets cake.

166
00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:26,643
[WHlSPERS]:
Not him.

167
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,731
Just give me the pitcher.

168
00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,026
Behold.

169
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,916
Wrong pitcher.

170
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:54,963
[SlGHS]

171
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:57,507
I told you l'm not good with kids.

172
00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:58,925
Yes, you did.

173
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,803
I think my crotch is starting to curdIe.

174
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:06,516
The thing is,
my mother worked full-time.

175
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:09,561
I had to take care of
my brothers and sisters.

176
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,313
-Yeah, so?
-Uh, it was horrible.

177
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:14,941
With their snotty noses
and their poopy diapers...

178
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:17,736
...and their little shrieky voices,
always complaining.

179
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,989
"l don't wanna get dressed."
"Joey keeps spitting in my mouth."

180
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,032
"This isn't the way Mom
makes waffles."

181
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,995
WeIl, okay, put your hand in here.
Let's see how you like this waffle.

182
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:32,667
AIl right, settle down.
Red light. Red light.

183
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:36,296
Red light. Okay, we're fine.

184
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:40,467
I'm sorry. l know it makes me
sound like a bad person...

185
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:44,471
-...but l just don't like children.
-Yeah, no, we all got that.

186
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:50,935
But don't you think it'll be
different when the child is ours?

187
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:54,606
Right. when it's our kid that's ruined
my body, kept me up all night...

188
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:58,568
...and I've got no career, no future,
nothing to be happy about for 20 years.

189
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:01,321
Sure, that'll be completely different.

190
00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:06,618
WeIl, yeah.

191
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,542
I don't think there's anything
in this jewelry store...

192
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:19,798
...that Amy would appreciate more than
the humidifier we're looking at at Sears.

193
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:25,178
Oh, my God. Now I know what l sound
Iike to you when I say stupid stuff.

194
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:29,891
Ooh! A pocket watch.

195
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,935
I don't think Amy
wants a pocket watch.

196
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:36,064
No, but maybe she wants
a man with a pocket watch.

197
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:39,234
StiIl saying stupid stuff.

198
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:44,614
-Does she like bracelets?
-WeIl, she's very fond of her silver one...

199
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,450
...that says "allergic to penicillin."

200
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:49,786
Maybe they have
a dressier version of that.

201
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:53,122
How are we doing this afternoon?
Looking for anything speciaI?

202
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:54,707
Perhaps a ring for the lady?

203
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:55,917
[SNORTS]

204
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:57,252
Trust me, we are not a couple.

205
00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:00,797
Excuse me. l don't see why
you get to snort derisively...

206
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:04,592
...and point that out.
You'd be lucky to land a fellow like me.

207
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,135
Fine. Go ahead.

208
00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:07,345
[SNORTS]

209
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,013
Trust me, we are not a couple.

210
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,600
My apologies.
How can I help you today?

211
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,436
He's in trouble with his girlfriend,
needs a present.

212
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:21,150
Great. Trouble with girIfriends is what's
putting my daughter through U.S.C.

213
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:24,863
Ooh!

214
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,739
-Are those real diamonds?
-Yes.

215
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:29,284
Channel-set baguettes,
20 points total weight.

216
00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:33,121
Remarkable. Diamonds.
Crystallized carbon.

217
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:36,624
Every day, people go to the grocery
store and come home with sacks...

218
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:39,419
...full of carbon in the form
of charcoal briquettes...

219
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:42,171
...they toss in their barbecues
and set on fire.

220
00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:46,050
But just because you've got some
carbon with the atoms stacked neatly...

221
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,887
...you expect me to plunk down
thousands of dollars.

222
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:51,806
Actually, that's only 750.
Everything's on sale.

223
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,142
Really? Talk to me
about that pocket watch.

224
00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:01,024
I'm still trying to wrap
my mind around it.

225
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:04,652
I always thought
I'd be a dad someday.

226
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:07,322
Me too. You're so caring.

227
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:10,533
I've often pictured you guiding
a young boy into manhood.

228
00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:19,667
There you go, Howard. Sounds like Raj'Il
have your babies. Problem solved.

229
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:22,045
Because a man
shows caring for another man...

230
00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:25,882
...doesn't mean he's displaying the love
that dare not speak its name.

231
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,094
Did she say she didn't want kids?

232
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,347
Yeah. She doesn't like them.

233
00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:35,224
And from what I saw,
the feeling was mutual.

234
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,191
-What are you gonna do?
-I don't know.

235
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:47,570
I can't see a life where l don't have kids.
I mean, people have kids.

236
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:52,408
I mean, even Donkey Kong
had Donkey Kong Jr.

237
00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:57,205
So he could teach someone
how to kidnap princesses...

238
00:15:57,373 --> 00:16:00,333
...and throw barrels
at Italian plumbers.

239
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:06,172
You know, there's no guarantee even if
you have kids you're gonna like them.

240
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:09,008
Wow, that's rough.
Where'd you get that?

241
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:13,429
It's right off the dust jacket
of my mom's last book.

242
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:20,103
Maybe me and Bernadette
aren't right for each other.

243
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:24,440
Look, Howard, I'd say
there's a lot of fish in the sea...

244
00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:27,276
...but l watched you dangle your hook
for years.

245
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:29,529
Do not throw her back.

246
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:36,536
I don't want to,
but this is kind of a deal breaker.

247
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,746
What will your mom say
if you call off the wedding?

248
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:42,000
Heh, it'Il kill her.
If I don't give her grandchildren...

249
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:46,045
...that'll kill her too. So either way
on the Mom front, l'm golden.

250
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:53,094
-What time did you tell Amy to be here?
-Eight o'clock.

251
00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:01,561
-That pocket watch is ridiculous.
-Nonsense.

252
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,855
I look like a train conductor.

253
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,569
Under what pretext
did you lure her here?

254
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,822
I said, "Hey, wanna come
over and hang out?"

255
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:16,617
Good, good. lf you'd said something clever,
she might've gotten suspicious.

256
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,287
-Hey.
-Hi.

257
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,915
-What's he doing here?
-Okay, he wants to talk to you.

258
00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:26,794
WeIl, I don't wanna talk to him.
And l'm pretty disappointed in you too.

259
00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:29,547
AIthough we both know
that won't last.

260
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,926
-Sheldon, you're up.
-Thank you.

261
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:37,013
Amy, l'd like to apologize.

262
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:41,309
Your accomplishment was impressive,
and I'm proud of you.

263
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:48,149
-We both know that's your koala face.
-I told you.

264
00:17:49,943 --> 00:17:51,903
Okay, look. He bought you this.

265
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,782
Jewelry? SeriousIy?

266
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:59,577
Sheldon, you are the most shallow,
self-centered person I have ever met.

267
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,121
You think another
transparently manipulative--

268
00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:03,873
Oh, it's a tiara!

269
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:08,002
A tiara. I have a tiara. Put it on me,
put it on me, put it on me...

270
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:10,296
...put it on me, put it on me,
put it on me.

271
00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:15,510
You look beautifuI.

272
00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:18,304
Of course I do.
I'm a princess and this is my tiara.

273
00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:30,817
You were right.
The tiara was too much.

274
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,533
MRS. WOLOWlTZ:
Howard, Bernadette's--

275
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:41,077
Oh. She sIipped right by me.

276
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:45,248
-Here's your vest back.
-You should keep it.

277
00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:48,209
-You could wear it again sometime.
-Where?

278
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,545
I don't know, hunting?

279
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:55,174
Don't forget to talk to her
about this meshugas...

280
00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:57,093
...where l don't get grandkids.

281
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:01,973
[YELLlNG]: Don't worry, Ma, I will,
as soon as I can figure out...

282
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,517
...a way to bring up
such a sensitive issue.

283
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:12,066
-Guess you talked to your mom.
[lN NORMAL VOlCE]: l was upset.

284
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:15,027
My mom can be
a pretty good shoulder to cry on...

285
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:18,114
...if the smell of Bengay
doesn't burn your eyes.

286
00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:23,119
Look, it's obvious having kids
is really important to you...

287
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:25,329
...and I think I came up
with a solution.

288
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:28,916
Really? That's great. what?

289
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:32,336
WeIl, seeing as how l make
way more money than you anyway...

290
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:35,339
...what if l work
and you stay home with the kids?

291
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:37,550
-Me?
-Yeah.

292
00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:41,304
You know, you'll watch Barney
and pulI Cheerios out of their noses...

293
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,682
...and go on play dates and l'll work
and have conversations...

294
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,351
...with people my own age
and enjoy my life.

295
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:55,276
-Yeah.
-Yay! So we're good.

296
00:19:55,485 --> 00:19:57,778
Yeah, we're good.

297
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:02,241
I don't know if this counted as a fight...

298
00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:04,702
...but how about some make-up sex?

299
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:09,081
I would love that.
But what is that behind your ear?

300
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:10,917
Oh, look, it's a condom.

301
00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:43,449
[English - US - SDH]