1
00:00:02,202 --> 00:00:04,294
Completely empty box.
2
00:00:04,295 --> 00:00:05,561
If you'd like to examine it...
3
00:00:05,563 --> 00:00:06,896
Mm-hmm. Yep.
4
00:00:06,898 --> 00:00:10,983
I see nothing in this box
but a wasted childhood.
5
00:00:10,985 --> 00:00:14,270
Little snarky there,
Cello Lessons.
6
00:00:15,655 --> 00:00:19,942
And we have this completely
ordinary cylinder.
7
00:00:19,944 --> 00:00:21,327
If you'd like to examine it...
8
00:00:21,329 --> 00:00:26,615
Ordinary, yet I sense it is
dripping with magical potential.
9
00:00:26,617 --> 00:00:29,151
Oh, dear Lord.
10
00:00:29,153 --> 00:00:33,621
A man pops out for a moment
to evacuate his bowels
11
00:00:32,623 --> 00:00:35,657
and catch up on the adventures
of the Caped Crusader,
12
00:00:35,659 --> 00:00:37,643
only to emerge
and discover his apartment
13
00:00:37,645 --> 00:00:40,429
has been transformed
into a cabaret.
14
00:00:40,431 --> 00:00:42,448
Sheldon, he's just
15
00:00:42,450 --> 00:00:44,383
practicing for his
cousin's birthday party.
16
00:00:44,385 --> 00:00:46,218
As I was saying...
17
00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:48,137
empty box, empty cylinder,
18
00:00:48,139 --> 00:00:49,939
and... ooh!
19
00:00:49,941 --> 00:00:52,024
(whispers): Voila.
20
00:00:52,026 --> 00:00:53,976
I'm telling you, dude,
there's a seat
21
00:00:53,978 --> 00:00:57,313
on the Hogwarts Express
with your name on it.
22
00:00:57,315 --> 00:00:59,031
This is how you're
going to entertain
23
00:00:59,033 --> 00:01:00,682
your little cousin
and his friends?
24
00:01:00,684 --> 00:01:01,951
By lying to them?
25
00:01:01,953 --> 00:01:03,986
(chuckles): How is this lying?
26
00:01:03,988 --> 00:01:06,572
A magic show is an inherently
deceitful proposition.
27
00:01:06,574 --> 00:01:09,625
"This is an ordinary top hat."
28
00:01:09,627 --> 00:01:10,960
"You've chosen
that card freely."
29
00:01:10,962 --> 00:01:14,964
"I do not have a set of lock
picks lodged in my keister."
30
00:01:14,966 --> 00:01:16,298
KOOTHRAPPALI:
Can't you
31
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:17,550
just enjoy the wonder, Sheldon?
32
00:01:17,552 --> 00:01:19,201
Why must you
peek behind the curtain?
33
00:01:19,203 --> 00:01:21,036
Or up the butt?
34
00:01:21,038 --> 00:01:24,206
If we poison the critical
thinking faculties of children
35
00:01:24,208 --> 00:01:25,724
by telling them that rabbits
36
00:01:25,726 --> 00:01:28,894
come out of hats,
then we create adults
37
00:01:28,896 --> 00:01:31,013
who believe in astrology
and homeopathy
38
00:01:31,015 --> 00:01:34,350
and that Ryan Reynolds was a
better choice for Green Lantern
39
00:01:34,352 --> 00:01:36,852
than lovable rogue
Nathan Fillion.
40
00:01:36,854 --> 00:01:38,854
Sheldon,
41
00:01:38,856 --> 00:01:41,290
he's just gonna do a few
magic tricks for some kids.
44
00:01:45,413 --> 00:01:46,862
Don't be so
hard on him.
45
00:01:46,864 --> 00:01:48,781
It's natural to be
a little cranky when you have...
46
00:01:48,783 --> 00:01:52,167
(grunts): a quarter
in your ear!
47
00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:57,089
Coins lodged in body parts
is not a source of amusement.
48
00:01:57,091 --> 00:02:01,176
When I was five, Billy Sparks
put a Mexican peso up my nose.
49
00:02:02,380 --> 00:02:05,164
Wait-wait-wait,
how is that not amusing?
50
00:02:05,869 --> 00:02:07,702
It's still there.
51
00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:09,787
Takes me
52
00:02:09,789 --> 00:02:12,890
45 minutes to get
through airport security.
53
00:02:15,094 --> 00:02:18,646
Look, I made
Sheldon disappear. Ta-da.
54
00:02:18,648 --> 00:02:22,100
Next time, you should
open with that.
55
00:02:22,102 --> 00:02:25,737
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
56
00:02:25,739 --> 00:02:29,073
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
57
00:02:29,075 --> 00:02:30,692
♪ The Earth began to cool
58
00:02:30,694 --> 00:02:33,227
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
59
00:02:33,229 --> 00:02:35,897
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
60
00:02:35,899 --> 00:02:38,566
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
61
00:02:38,568 --> 00:02:40,485
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
62
00:02:40,487 --> 00:02:41,594
♪ Bang! ♪
63
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:45,095
The Big Bang Theory 5x12
The Shiny Trinket Maneuver
Original Air Date on January 12, 2012
64
00:02:45,096 --> 00:02:48,096
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Sync for WEB-DL by Norther
65
00:02:49,390 --> 00:02:51,323
Ooh, look who's out on a date.
66
00:02:51,324 --> 00:02:55,093
Pasadena's favorite
power couple, Shamy.
67
00:02:55,095 --> 00:02:57,178
And that is the answer
to the question,
68
00:02:57,180 --> 00:02:59,814
what is wrong with eating
at The Cheesecake Factory?
69
00:02:59,816 --> 00:03:02,667
So, are we celebrating
anything special tonight?
70
00:03:02,669 --> 00:03:03,885
Oh, yes.
71
00:03:03,887 --> 00:03:05,670
Our relationship
agreement specifies
72
00:03:05,672 --> 00:03:07,472
that the second Thursday
of every month,
73
00:03:07,474 --> 00:03:10,025
or the third Thursday
in a month with five Thursdays,
74
00:03:10,027 --> 00:03:11,559
is date night.
75
00:03:15,013 --> 00:03:17,866
That is so hot.
76
00:03:19,201 --> 00:03:23,571
All right, without objection,
the minutes of the previous date
77
00:03:23,573 --> 00:03:25,957
are considered
read and agreed to.
78
00:03:26,876 --> 00:03:28,710
Any new business?
79
00:03:28,712 --> 00:03:30,295
How was your day?
80
00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:31,212
Superb.
81
00:03:31,214 --> 00:03:33,715
This morning I made
a palindrome
82
00:03:33,717 --> 00:03:34,933
with my Alpha-Bits.
83
00:03:34,935 --> 00:03:38,002
"Nice hat, Bob Tahecin."
84
00:03:38,971 --> 00:03:41,706
Sounds like you
hit the ground running.
85
00:03:41,708 --> 00:03:44,476
I have a bit of
good news myself.
86
00:03:44,478 --> 00:03:45,910
My most recent paper
87
00:03:45,912 --> 00:03:48,396
on how a cooperative
long-term potentiation
88
00:03:48,398 --> 00:03:50,432
can map memory sequences
in dendritic branches
89
00:03:50,434 --> 00:03:52,684
made the cover of Neuron.
90
00:03:52,686 --> 00:03:54,886
Ooh! Speaking of good news,
91
00:03:54,888 --> 00:03:56,071
somebody...
92
00:03:56,073 --> 00:03:59,190
just hit 100
Twitter followers.
93
00:03:59,192 --> 00:04:01,409
That's nice.
94
00:04:01,411 --> 00:04:03,027
Anyway, I've been
dreaming of this day
95
00:04:03,029 --> 00:04:04,612
for a long time.
Yeah, me, too.
96
00:04:04,614 --> 00:04:06,498
Triple digits,
I'm not gonna lie--
97
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,032
it feels pretty good.
98
00:04:08,034 --> 00:04:09,734
Sheldon,
99
00:04:09,736 --> 00:04:11,920
I'm the sole author
on a paper being published
100
00:04:11,922 --> 00:04:13,705
in a distinguished journal
that may change
101
00:04:13,707 --> 00:04:15,039
the course of my field.
102
00:04:15,041 --> 00:04:16,191
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
103
00:04:16,193 --> 00:04:17,959
Ooh, 101!
104
00:04:17,961 --> 00:04:21,045
Air's getting
a bit thin up here.
105
00:04:22,214 --> 00:04:24,432
So, are we ready to order?
106
00:04:24,434 --> 00:04:25,683
Give me a minute.
107
00:04:25,685 --> 00:04:27,452
I'm gonna go wash up.
108
00:04:28,854 --> 00:04:30,805
Well, that's odd.
109
00:04:30,807 --> 00:04:33,274
We both washed up
when we came in.
110
00:04:33,276 --> 00:04:36,093
It's probably a euphemism
for urination.
111
00:04:36,095 --> 00:04:38,446
Sheldon, what is
wrong with you?
112
00:04:38,448 --> 00:04:41,616
Not much. Although,
I can be faulted
113
00:04:41,618 --> 00:04:43,935
for being overly fond
of koala bears.
114
00:04:43,937 --> 00:04:45,537
I don't know what it is,
115
00:04:45,539 --> 00:04:47,489
when they smart munching
on eucalyptus,
116
00:04:47,491 --> 00:04:49,874
I just melt inside.
117
00:04:49,876 --> 00:04:51,776
Okay, Amy just told you
some exciting news,
118
00:04:51,778 --> 00:04:53,995
and you acted like
it was no big deal.
119
00:04:53,997 --> 00:04:55,747
Oh, I see why you're confused.
120
00:04:55,749 --> 00:04:58,616
No, her news sounded important,
but what you're forgetting is,
121
00:04:58,618 --> 00:05:01,386
it was an achievement
in the field of biology.
122
00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:05,490
That's all about yucky,
squishy things.
123
00:05:05,492 --> 00:05:07,976
Honey, she's upset.
You're her boyfriend.
124
00:05:07,978 --> 00:05:10,461
You have to at least
try to be excited
125
00:05:10,463 --> 00:05:12,230
by the things
she's excited by.
126
00:05:12,232 --> 00:05:14,782
What if they simply
don't excite me?
127
00:05:14,784 --> 00:05:18,069
Well, just smile and
think about koalas.
128
00:05:18,071 --> 00:05:19,404
She'd see right through that.
129
00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:21,472
We go to the zoo all the time.
130
00:05:21,474 --> 00:05:23,324
She knows my koala face.
131
00:05:24,810 --> 00:05:27,412
And for future reference,
it's this.
132
00:05:31,917 --> 00:05:34,118
Oh, you have a lot
of magic stuff.
133
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,587
Yeah.
134
00:05:35,589 --> 00:05:37,154
I started when I was a teenager.
135
00:05:37,156 --> 00:05:39,507
I thought I could show
a girl a few tricks
136
00:05:39,509 --> 00:05:43,044
and invite her up to my bedroom
to see the rest of the act.
137
00:05:43,846 --> 00:05:45,763
Did it work?
138
00:05:45,765 --> 00:05:47,966
Ah, let's just say the only wand
139
00:05:47,968 --> 00:05:51,853
that ever saw any action
was this one.
140
00:05:53,772 --> 00:05:57,592
Oh, look what my mom
made us for the act.
141
00:05:57,594 --> 00:05:58,860
Ooh...
142
00:05:58,862 --> 00:06:00,778
I like the fabric.
143
00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:02,146
Where'd she get it?
144
00:06:02,148 --> 00:06:06,034
Well, she cut up one
of her old bathing suits.
145
00:06:07,185 --> 00:06:11,039
She made these two vests
and half a dozen napkins.
146
00:06:12,124 --> 00:06:15,693
Has she
tried on the vest yet?!
147
00:06:15,695 --> 00:06:16,694
I just gave it to her!
148
00:06:16,696 --> 00:06:20,048
I hope it fits-- she
has a tricky figure!
149
00:06:20,050 --> 00:06:24,836
She's short
and stacked, like me!
150
00:06:24,838 --> 00:06:28,840
She's not stacked like you, Ma!
She never steps on hers!
151
00:06:32,394 --> 00:06:35,313
Listen, Howie,
maybe I'm not the best choice
152
00:06:35,315 --> 00:06:36,931
to be a magician's assistant.
153
00:06:36,933 --> 00:06:39,234
You'll do fine.
Hand me those rings?
154
00:06:40,653 --> 00:06:43,054
See? You nailed it.
155
00:06:43,056 --> 00:06:44,355
You know, i-it's just that
156
00:06:44,357 --> 00:06:46,274
I'm not that comfortable
with little kids.
157
00:06:46,276 --> 00:06:48,359
Well, that's because you
haven't been around them much.
158
00:06:48,361 --> 00:06:50,111
This is good
practice. I mean,
159
00:06:50,113 --> 00:06:52,830
you are gonna be
a mom someday, right?
160
00:06:52,832 --> 00:06:53,915
Mmm...
161
00:06:53,917 --> 00:06:56,233
Yeah, sure.
Oh-ho-ho!
162
00:06:56,235 --> 00:07:00,905
I haven't seen
this trick in years.
163
00:07:00,907 --> 00:07:02,423
It's called
the dove pan.
164
00:07:02,425 --> 00:07:04,759
You let everyone see
the pan is empty,
165
00:07:04,761 --> 00:07:08,379
but there's a secret
compartment in the lid.
166
00:07:08,381 --> 00:07:11,966
And then you open it
and produce a live...
167
00:07:21,477 --> 00:07:24,779
Don't look in there.
168
00:07:28,984 --> 00:07:31,602
Oh, a little Red
Dead Redemption, huh?
169
00:07:31,604 --> 00:07:33,871
Yes.
170
00:07:33,873 --> 00:07:35,373
How come you're not
doing a mission?
171
00:07:35,375 --> 00:07:36,541
You're just
wandering around.
172
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,293
Had a rough night.
173
00:07:38,295 --> 00:07:41,963
I thought I'd go for a walk
and clear my head.
174
00:07:43,749 --> 00:07:47,418
Some people go outside
and do that.
175
00:07:47,420 --> 00:07:50,972
It's after 9:00-- at this hour
the streets of Pasadena
176
00:07:50,974 --> 00:07:55,059
are teeming with drunken sailors
and alley cats.
177
00:07:55,061 --> 00:07:56,894
You want to talk about it?
178
00:07:56,896 --> 00:07:58,012
No.
179
00:07:58,014 --> 00:08:00,198
I think I'll just go
in this saloon
180
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,800
and drink my troubles away.
181
00:08:07,573 --> 00:08:11,809
You know digital
alcohol is never a solution.
182
00:08:11,811 --> 00:08:13,911
What's going on?
183
00:08:15,248 --> 00:08:17,332
Hard as this may be to believe,
184
00:08:17,334 --> 00:08:21,336
it's possible that
I'm not boyfriend material.
185
00:08:24,757 --> 00:08:28,159
Glad I was sitting down
for that.
186
00:08:28,161 --> 00:08:30,178
Did you and Amy get in a fight?
187
00:08:30,180 --> 00:08:34,165
Amy had a fight; I was being
perfectly reasonable.
188
00:08:35,017 --> 00:08:36,217
I'm gonna have a whiskey.
189
00:08:36,219 --> 00:08:37,301
Do you want anything?
190
00:08:37,303 --> 00:08:39,620
No, I can't.
191
00:08:39,622 --> 00:08:42,507
I'm playing Grand
Theft Auto later.
192
00:08:47,479 --> 00:08:50,031
Look, I'm no expert in women...
193
00:08:50,033 --> 00:08:50,898
I'll say.
194
00:08:52,251 --> 00:08:55,036
That's not necessary when
someone's trying to help you.
195
00:08:55,038 --> 00:08:57,288
I'm sorry.
It's the alcohol talking.
196
00:08:57,290 --> 00:08:59,590
Go on.
197
00:09:00,826 --> 00:09:05,196
Sometimes with women you want
to listen to what upsets them
198
00:09:05,198 --> 00:09:10,334
and then show them
that you can grow and change.
199
00:09:10,336 --> 00:09:16,707
Nuts to that.
What else you got?
200
00:09:16,709 --> 00:09:17,925
Buy her something.
201
00:09:17,927 --> 00:09:21,646
How does that work?
202
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:25,433
Well, you skip over
any attempt to repair
203
00:09:25,435 --> 00:09:28,486
your emotional connection
and you win back her affection
204
00:09:28,488 --> 00:09:32,056
with an empty financial gesture.
205
00:09:32,058 --> 00:09:36,878
Well, that approach has Sheldon
Cooper written all over it.
206
00:09:37,913 --> 00:09:39,897
Glad I could help.
207
00:09:39,899 --> 00:09:41,565
It's appreciated.
And if you ever manage
208
00:09:41,567 --> 00:09:44,619
to find a woman again, I'll
be glad to return the favor.
209
00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:50,625
And now, all
the rings are
210
00:09:50,627 --> 00:09:53,010
magically linked together.
211
00:09:54,279 --> 00:09:57,849
My fiancée's wearing
a magic ring, too.
212
00:09:57,851 --> 00:10:00,368
It made all my money disappear.
213
00:10:03,088 --> 00:10:05,256
Oh, ah, right.
214
00:10:08,811 --> 00:10:11,095
And now, the
great Howdini's
215
00:10:11,097 --> 00:10:14,615
next miraculous
illusion.
216
00:10:14,617 --> 00:10:16,617
When are we gonna have cake?
217
00:10:16,619 --> 00:10:21,739
After you've
been thoroughly amazed.
218
00:10:21,741 --> 00:10:23,908
But we want cake now.
219
00:10:23,910 --> 00:10:27,378
Well, you're not getting cake
right now, capisce?
220
00:10:28,464 --> 00:10:32,583
Okay. Okay.
221
00:10:32,585 --> 00:10:36,337
Now, my lovely assistant
is going to bring me
222
00:10:36,339 --> 00:10:38,339
an ordinary
pitcher of milk.
223
00:10:38,341 --> 00:10:40,141
I know how you do that trick.
224
00:10:40,143 --> 00:10:42,093
Do you know how to pipe down?
225
00:10:43,228 --> 00:10:45,480
Okay, we're going
226
00:10:45,482 --> 00:10:48,733
to roll up
this newspaper.
227
00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:49,984
It's a fake pitcher.
228
00:10:49,986 --> 00:10:51,652
You got wax in your ears?
229
00:10:51,654 --> 00:10:54,272
The man said
it's an ordinary pitcher.
230
00:10:54,940 --> 00:10:57,141
Howdini.
231
00:10:57,143 --> 00:11:02,163
Okay, we're going
to stick this in here.
232
00:11:02,165 --> 00:11:04,982
And then I'm going
to pour in the milk.
233
00:11:04,984 --> 00:11:07,118
I hope this works,
234
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,187
because I didn't
bring a change of pants.
235
00:11:09,838 --> 00:11:11,756
Look, I Googled it.
236
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,858
It's a fake pitcher.
237
00:11:15,093 --> 00:11:16,928
That's it.
238
00:11:16,930 --> 00:11:18,212
No cake for you.
239
00:11:18,214 --> 00:11:20,798
Anyone else want to
join the No Cake Club?
240
00:11:21,833 --> 00:11:24,018
She's just kidding,
boys and girls.
241
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:25,386
Everyone gets cake.
242
00:11:25,388 --> 00:11:28,356
Not him.
243
00:11:30,058 --> 00:11:33,277
Just give me the pitcher.
244
00:11:34,731 --> 00:11:36,898
Behold!
245
00:11:49,328 --> 00:11:51,528
Wrong pitcher.
246
00:11:58,089 --> 00:12:00,297
I told you I'm not
good with kids.
247
00:12:00,298 --> 00:12:01,764
Yes, you did.
248
00:12:01,766 --> 00:12:05,018
Oh, I think my crotch
is starting to curdle.
249
00:12:06,853 --> 00:12:09,244
The thing is, my mother
worked full-time.
250
00:12:09,244 --> 00:12:11,861
I had to take care of
my brothers and sisters.
251
00:12:12,128 --> 00:12:13,535
Yeah, so?
252
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,149
Ugh, it was horrible!
253
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,785
With their snotty noses
and their poopy diapers
254
00:12:17,787 --> 00:12:20,404
and their little shrieky voices,
always complaining.
255
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:21,872
"I don't want to get dressed."
256
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:23,607
"Joey keeps spitting
in my mouth."
257
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:25,626
"This isn't the way
Mom makes waffles."
258
00:12:25,628 --> 00:12:27,711
Well, okay, put your
hand in here.
259
00:12:27,713 --> 00:12:30,280
Let's see how you
like this waffle!
260
00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:33,450
All right, settle down.
261
00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:34,668
Red light.
262
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,620
Red light, red light!
263
00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:39,923
Okay, we're fine.
264
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:41,341
I'm sorry.
265
00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:43,510
I know it makes me sound
like a bad person,
266
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:45,095
but I just don't like children.
267
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:47,264
Yeah, no, we all got that.
268
00:12:49,434 --> 00:12:51,435
But don't you think
it'll be different
269
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,821
when the child is ours?
270
00:12:53,823 --> 00:12:56,356
Right, when it's our kid
that's ruined my body
271
00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:59,309
and kept me up all night and
I've got no career and no future
272
00:12:59,311 --> 00:13:01,662
and nothing to be happy about
for the next 20 years,
273
00:13:01,664 --> 00:13:04,531
sure, that'll be
completely different.
274
00:13:07,252 --> 00:13:09,620
Well, yeah.
275
00:13:14,509 --> 00:13:17,578
I don't think there's
anything in this jewelry store
276
00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:18,995
that Amy would appreciate more
277
00:13:18,997 --> 00:13:22,549
than the humidifier we were
just looking at at Sears.
278
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:25,502
Oh, my God, now I know
what I sound like to you
279
00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:28,205
when I say stupid stuff.
280
00:13:30,508 --> 00:13:32,025
Ooh, a pocket watch.
281
00:13:32,027 --> 00:13:34,010
Okay, I don't think Amy
wants a pocket watch.
282
00:13:34,012 --> 00:13:37,898
No, but maybe she wants
a man with a pocket watch.
283
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:41,985
Still saying stupid stuff.
284
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:43,904
Ooh...
285
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:44,955
Does she like bracelets?
286
00:13:44,957 --> 00:13:47,241
Well, she's very fond
of her silver one
287
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:49,159
that says "allergic
to penicillin."
288
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:52,546
Maybe they have a dressier
version of that?
289
00:13:52,548 --> 00:13:54,498
Well, how are we doing
this afternoon?
290
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,966
Are we looking for
anything special?
291
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:57,417
Perhaps a ring for the lady?
292
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:59,720
Trust me, we are
not a couple.
293
00:13:59,722 --> 00:14:01,638
Excuse me.
294
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,641
I don't see why you get to snort
derisively and point that out.
295
00:14:04,643 --> 00:14:07,477
You'd be lucky to land
a fella like me.
296
00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:08,929
Fine, go ahead.
297
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:12,683
Trust me, we are
not a couple.
298
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:13,734
My apologies.
299
00:14:13,736 --> 00:14:15,402
How can I help you today?
300
00:14:15,404 --> 00:14:16,770
He's in trouble
with his girlfriend
301
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:18,322
and needs to
buy her a present.
302
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:20,908
Great, trouble with girlfriends
303
00:14:20,910 --> 00:14:24,161
is what's putting
my daughter through USC.
304
00:14:26,197 --> 00:14:28,665
Ooh, are these real diamonds?
305
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:32,169
Yes. Channel set baguettes,
20 points total weight.
306
00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:33,754
Remarkable.
307
00:14:33,756 --> 00:14:36,123
Diamonds, crystallized carbon.
308
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,241
Every day, people go
to the grocery store
309
00:14:38,243 --> 00:14:40,294
and come home with
sacks full of carbon
310
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:42,078
in the form of
charcoal briquettes
311
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,681
that they toss in their
barbeques and set on fire.
312
00:14:44,683 --> 00:14:47,100
But just because
you've got some carbon
313
00:14:47,102 --> 00:14:49,102
with the atoms stacked neatly,
314
00:14:49,104 --> 00:14:51,772
you expect me to plunk down
thousands of dollars.
315
00:14:51,774 --> 00:14:53,390
Actually, that's only 750.
316
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,641
Everything's on sale.
317
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:57,844
Really. Talk to me
about that pocket watch.
318
00:15:00,315 --> 00:15:03,317
I'm still trying to
wrap my mind around it.
319
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:04,601
I always
320
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:07,487
thought I'd be a dad someday.
321
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:08,772
Oh, me, too.
322
00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:10,207
You're so caring.
323
00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:13,744
I've often pictured you guiding
a young boy into manhood.
324
00:15:17,799 --> 00:15:19,166
There you go, Howard.
325
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:22,469
Sounds like Raj'll have
your babies; problem solved.
326
00:15:22,471 --> 00:15:24,588
Hey, just because a man
shows caring for another man
327
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,889
doesn't mean he's
displaying the love
328
00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:28,892
that dare not speak its name.
329
00:15:31,079 --> 00:15:32,962
Did she definitely say
she didn't want kids?
330
00:15:32,964 --> 00:15:34,765
Yeah, she doesn't like them.
331
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:38,101
And from what I saw,
the feeling was mutual.
332
00:15:43,107 --> 00:15:44,974
What are you gonna do?
333
00:15:44,976 --> 00:15:46,209
I don't know.
334
00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:48,812
I can't see a life
where I don't have kids.
335
00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:50,364
I mean, people have kids.
336
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:55,485
I mean, even Donkey Kong
had Donkey Kong Jr.
337
00:15:55,487 --> 00:15:59,790
So he could teach someone
how to kidnap princesses
338
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:03,727
and throw barrels
at Italian plumbers.
339
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:07,330
You know, there's no guarantee
even if you have kids
340
00:16:07,332 --> 00:16:09,016
that you're going to like them.
341
00:16:09,018 --> 00:16:12,135
Wow, that's rough.
Where'd you get that?
342
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:16,440
It's right off the dust jacket
of my mom's last book.
343
00:16:18,609 --> 00:16:22,946
Maybe me and Bernadette
aren't right for each other.
344
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:27,150
Look, Howard, I'd say there's
a lot of fish in the sea,
345
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:30,120
but I watched you dangle your
hook in the water for years.
346
00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:32,756
Do not throw her back.
347
00:16:35,326 --> 00:16:39,463
I don't want to, but this is
kind of a deal breaker.
348
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,631
What's your mom going to say
if you call off the wedding?
349
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:42,966
Oh, it'll kill her.
350
00:16:42,968 --> 00:16:44,918
On the other hand, if I don't
give her grandchildren,
351
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,336
that'll kill her, too.
352
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:49,056
So, either way,
on the Mom front, I'm golden.
353
00:16:51,592 --> 00:16:54,177
What time did you tell
Amy to be here?
354
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,096
8:00.
355
00:17:00,551 --> 00:17:03,353
Sheldon, that pocket watch
is ridiculous.
356
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,554
Nonsense.
357
00:17:04,556 --> 00:17:07,257
I look like a train conductor.
358
00:17:09,077 --> 00:17:12,279
Under what pretext
did you lure her here?
359
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,449
I said, "Hey, want
to come over and hang out?"
360
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,417
Good, good, if you had
said something clever,
361
00:17:17,419 --> 00:17:19,619
she might've gotten suspicious.
362
00:17:20,421 --> 00:17:22,839
Hey.
Hi.
363
00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:24,073
What's he doing here?
364
00:17:24,075 --> 00:17:25,759
Okay, he wants
to talk to you.
365
00:17:25,761 --> 00:17:27,511
Well, I don't want
to talk to him.
366
00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:29,579
And I'm pretty
disappointed in you, too.
367
00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:33,183
Although we both
know that won't last.
368
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:35,852
Sheldon, you're up.
369
00:17:35,854 --> 00:17:36,853
Thank you.
370
00:17:36,855 --> 00:17:39,856
Amy, I'd like to apologize.
371
00:17:39,858 --> 00:17:42,192
Your accomplishment
was impressive.
372
00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:45,362
And I'm proud of you.
373
00:17:48,166 --> 00:17:49,900
We both know that's
your koala face.
374
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,151
I told you.
375
00:17:52,570 --> 00:17:54,738
Okay, look, he
bought you this.
376
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,207
Jewelry?
377
00:17:57,209 --> 00:17:58,608
Seriously?
378
00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:00,494
Sheldon, you are
the most shallow,
379
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:02,379
self-centered person
I have ever met.
380
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:04,781
Do you really think another
transparently manipul...
381
00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:06,616
Oh, it's a tiara!
382
00:18:06,618 --> 00:18:08,284
A tiara!
I have a tiara!
383
00:18:08,286 --> 00:18:10,787
Put it on me, put it on me,
put it on me, put it on me,
384
00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:14,057
put it on me, put it
on me, put it on me.
385
00:18:16,511 --> 00:18:18,345
You look beautiful.
386
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:20,430
Of course I do, I'm a princess,
and this is my tiara!
387
00:18:30,324 --> 00:18:32,993
You were right,
the tiara was too much.
388
00:18:40,498 --> 00:18:42,834
Howard! Bernadette's...
389
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:46,935
Oh, she slipped
right by me.
390
00:18:46,937 --> 00:18:48,487
Here's your vest back.
391
00:18:48,489 --> 00:18:49,872
You should keep it.
392
00:18:49,874 --> 00:18:51,740
You could wear it
again sometime.
393
00:18:51,742 --> 00:18:52,991
Where?
394
00:18:52,993 --> 00:18:56,495
I don't know, hunting?
395
00:18:56,497 --> 00:18:58,496
Don't forget to talk to
396
00:18:58,521 --> 00:18:59,821
her about this mishegas
397
00:18:59,917 --> 00:19:02,000
where I don't
get grandkids!
398
00:19:03,803 --> 00:19:04,803
Don't worry, Ma.
399
00:19:04,805 --> 00:19:06,889
I will, as soon
as I can figure out a way
400
00:19:06,891 --> 00:19:09,591
to bring up
such a sensitive issue!
401
00:19:12,762 --> 00:19:15,481
I guess you talked
to your mom, huh?
402
00:19:15,483 --> 00:19:16,965
I was upset.
403
00:19:16,967 --> 00:19:19,468
My mom can be a pretty
good shoulder to cry on,
404
00:19:19,470 --> 00:19:23,272
if the smell of Bengay
doesn't burn your eyes.
405
00:19:23,274 --> 00:19:27,159
Look, it's obvious having kids
is really important to you,
406
00:19:27,161 --> 00:19:30,028
and I think I came up
with a solution.
407
00:19:30,030 --> 00:19:31,563
Really?
408
00:19:31,565 --> 00:19:33,082
That's great. What?
409
00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:37,086
Well, seeing as how I make way
more money than you anyway,
410
00:19:37,088 --> 00:19:40,005
what if I work and you
stay home with the kids?
411
00:19:40,007 --> 00:19:42,324
Me?
Yeah.
412
00:19:42,326 --> 00:19:44,259
You know, you'll watch Barney
413
00:19:44,261 --> 00:19:46,095
and pull Cheerios
out of their noses
414
00:19:46,097 --> 00:19:47,662
and go on play dates,
415
00:19:47,664 --> 00:19:49,431
and I'll work and
have conversations
416
00:19:49,433 --> 00:19:53,068
with people my own age
and enjoy my life.
417
00:19:55,772 --> 00:19:57,106
Yeah...
418
00:19:57,108 --> 00:20:00,058
Yay, so we're good.
419
00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:03,395
Yeah, we're good.
420
00:20:03,397 --> 00:20:06,648
You know, I don't know if
this counted as a fight,
421
00:20:06,650 --> 00:20:09,451
but how about
some make-up sex?
422
00:20:09,453 --> 00:20:10,786
I would love that.
423
00:20:10,788 --> 00:20:13,789
But what is that
behind your ear?
424
00:20:13,791 --> 00:20:15,524
Oh, look, it's a condom.
425
00:20:15,526 --> 00:20:19,526
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Sync for WEB-DL by Norther