♪ Heartbeat
♪ Why do you miss when my baby kisses me
♪ Heartbeat
♪ Why does a love kiss stay in my memory ♪
♪ And so say all of us
♪ For she's a jolly good fellow
♪ And so say all of us
Oh, how lovely.
Thank you very much, children. Thank you.
- Oh, and a pleasure. - Three cheers for Miss Hanson.
- Hip-hip. - Hooray!
Thank you.
??? to go in the master bedroom.
Be careful of the chair. The legs are a little delicate.
I'm sorry. We seem to be blocking your way.
Well, will they be long?
Well, they've only just arrived.
- I'll have a word. - No, don't bother.
I'm only going to the farm next door. I can walk.
That's very kind.
Oh, you've picked yourself a lovely spot.
Yes.
You've not caught me.
Here, have another go.
No motor. What's going on?
I left it by the cottage.
There's a removal van blocking the lane.
Oh, aye.
Well, the new owner says they'll be gone in an hour or so
if you need to get by.
Oh, that's decent of them.
Well, she seems very nice. She's a retired teacher.
Teacher?
Phew.
Are you coming in?
GUNSHOTS
Quiet, Sue-Kate.
It's all right, darling. It's all right, Sue-Kate. It's all right.
Tea's made!
Come on.
Oh, bother.
Come on, girl.
Come on, come on.
- It's nice. - Mmm. Yeah.
It's not too much garden. Dad'll be pleased about that.
Not having the staff any more.
Mike, they treated their South African servants very well.
Oh, I didn't say they didn't.
Mmm.
Yeah, it is nice.
But it's not too big.
Mmm. Not too near.
Mm-hmm.
???
Have you got a dry cloth?
I'm Celia Hanson, by the way.
Just moved in.
You make an early start for the day, I notice.
You and your shotgun.
One forgets what a dawn-to-dust job it is.
???
- Really? - Try it now.
Wonderful. What a relief.
Thank you so much for helping me.
Didn't have a lot of choice.
No. Well, thank you anyway.
You've done a good job there, Frank.
I mean, you wouldn't know the word tundra, would you?
Bit of grass seed on that, it'd be as good as new.
What did I tell you.
You've got to see it to actually believe it, haven't you?
I only wish I got another field.
Others have.
What good is that to me?
Find me some willing punters and I'll pay you commission.
Even easier money, Claude.
Well, you know where to find me?
I reckon you've done all right there.
Yeah. He's done a bit better though, ain't he?
Mind you, now that we know what he knows, we can go wholesale.
What do you mean?
When did you ever know me working for commission?
You know what the song says.
Anything Frank can do, we can do better.
Cop the lot.
???
♪ Colors by JOAN BAEZ AND DONOVAN
♪ Yellow is the color of my true love's hair
♪ In the morning when we rise
♪ That's the time, that's the time
♪ I love the best
♪ Blue's the color of the sky
♪ In the morning, when we rise
♪ That's the time, that's the time
♪ I love the best
Oh, thank you.
I'm no stranger to the countryside, Councillor Blaketon.
School nature trips were my speciality.
But there's manure and there's manure.
I'm sure you'll understand that.
Um, well, I'm not sure if I do, Mrs....
But there's manure, Mr. Blaketon, and there's slurry.
Mr. Foster spreads the latter.
Oh, well, it must be something we've got used to.
I mean, Foster's been farming Blackbrook now for more than 20 years.
He has his own way of doing things, I expect.
Just a touch on the tiller is all I'm asking.
Perhaps you could speak to his wife.
He lives on his own.
Ah.
His wife left him some years back.
Yes. Well, whatever you can do, I'd be most grateful.
I'll have a word.
How long have I known you, Donald?
Long enough to know you're always short of money.
Yeah, well, I'll give you a chance to make a few, Bob.
- What do you say? - Shut the gate on your way out.
Exactly. I'm not talking just a few pennies, you know.
I can give you 250 quid for the use of this field for a moment.
What's the catch?
Here we go again. There ain't one.
Ah, and my name's Mahatma Gandhi.
How can a field be worth 250 pounds a month?
Shouldn't you be wearing a white sheet and sandals?
Look, I want to use it as a tip.
What we do is we excavate a big hole, right?
Then we take away the topsoil.
Then I bring in lorry loads of rubble and rubbish.
And when we fill the hole up, we bring the soil back.
It'll be just the same as it was before.
I mean, this field's perfect.
All right.
Yeah. Well, you don't realise it.
You're standing on a gold mine.
- Graveyard, more like. - How do you mean?
There's 100 head of cattle buried here already.
Slaughtered seven years ago during a foot and mouth outbreak.
Well, that just proves me point, don't it?
I mean, who'd know what we're under here now?
Well, not you, maybe, but me.
I can still smell them.
Well, what about your other field down by the cottage?
I'll think about it.
Oh, well, don't think about it too long.
You might miss the boat.
I'll think about it.
We could dig the hole while you're thinking about.
Oh, you've got company.
I'll see about it later.
If you've got any sense, you'd let the dogs loose.
Well, it's a fine beast you've got there, Mr. Foster.
If it took him as long to do his job as it takes you to speak your business,
he'd be on a butcher's slab.
Well, it's your new neighbour.
She's been wondering why you have to start shooting at 6:00am in the morning.
You what?
Some people need their beauty sleep, especially if they've retired.
I'm not retired.
Not you. Her.
Are you telling me she's complained?
Well, let's just say I'm here on a goodwill mission, right?
Fool's errand, more like.
You can tell the teacher I'll not be standing in no corner.
I'll do what I want when I want.
And if I'm out shooting, you can tell her to keep out of me sights.
Hi, Phil.
What are you doing here?
I had to drop something off at the police house for Mike.
Too miserable to put the kettle on, was he?
Got it in one.
Did you get a look at the new decor?
Decor? Oh, yeah.
Must have cost the constabulary a bob or two.
Unless Jackie's folks insist on paying for it.
I'm saying nothing.
Mike tells me you've cried off going to the opening of that new club with them.
Yeah, well, you know how it is.
Since I chucked Andy.
Haven't exactly been the life and soul.
You're really disappointed.
I know. I just couldn't face it.
You were wasted on that Charlie.
No need to try too hard. Your cuppa's coming.
I mean it.
I know.
You're a mate.
So how about you, me, Mike and Jackie going to that opening?
No, Phil. I can't.
Yes, you can.
And I guarantee you'll have a great time.
Trust me.
It's all right, Sue-Kate.
It's all right.
Quiet now.
???
Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
Obstruction of a public footpath by an animal or anything else
is a county council matter, Miss Hanson.
Yes, well, that is somewhat different.
Well, Gina was adamant. She didn't want to go when I asked.
Well, that was you. This is me.
Is there any chance of you two concentrating on the job in hand?
Sorry, Alf. Fire away.
Spurs versus Nottingham Forest.
- Away win. - Agreed.
Blackburn Rovers versus Don...
Still here, Bellamy?
Just going, Sarge.
This for you, Bradley.
A Miss Hanson of Lee Cottage
in a bit of a lather about marauding cows.
Sounds like a neighbour dispute.
Was that you put her through to me, Ventress?
Yes, Sarge.
You too busy to handle it yourself?
She wanted to speak to someone in authority, Sarge.
Well, if she calls again, try and assume some, will you?
- Mr. Foster? - Aye.
Miss Hanson has made a complaint, sir.
Can we talk about this inside, please?
- No. - Right.
Well, um, Miss Hanson says you released a bull into a field
where the public have a right of way.
To a what?
My bull's no danger to anybody. He haven't got a rush in him.
You expect people to take your word for that?
They can please themselves.
Miss Hanson also says that one of your cows
got into her garden and ruined her washing.
- Is that true? - Well, how would I know?
I saw it with my own eyes.
Criminal damage at the very least.
Have you naught better to do?
Frankly, yes.
So if you could show a bit more consideration to your neighbour,
we'd all be happy, wouldn't we?
Perhaps an offer of compensation on the clothing
would settle the matter.
Well, if you think so, fine.
Check it out at station petty cash.
So what did you advise her to do?
Well, I told her to shorten her washing line.
Helpful as ever.
Oh, come on. She must have known what it'd be like living next to a farm.
Well, she probably fell in love with a cottage and didn't think it through.
Ah, yeah, but that's not Don Foster's fault, is it?
Yeah, well, he's too used to having his own way. That's his trouble.
- No wife, you mean. - Exactly.
I heard some gossip about that, actually.
About what?
About the way his wife suddenly disappeared.
- Oh? - It was only tittle-tattle.
Well, sounds intriguing.
I'll tell you on the way.
That's fixed.
She's more like her old self.
Yeah. Good move, Phil.
Well, she's in her element.
Warm atmosphere, live band.
Good company.
Thank you. Thank you.
Right, we've got a real treat for you now.
We've got a member of the audience who's going to come up and sing with us.
Gina Ward. Gina, can you come up?
Yeah!
Whose idea is this?
I strangle you.
Knock them dead!
There you go.
I've already got one, Claude.
Well, now you've got two, but who's counting?
Hey, this business you've been talking about,
will there be any money in advance?
It's in an envelope in my pocket.
Say the word and it could be in yours.
Cheers.
- Hello, Oscar. - Ah, Maggie.
No Gina tonight?
No, she's gone off to a do.
Oh, good.
It's about time she came out of mourning.
- Um, I'll have G and T, please. - Right.
♪ You'll never know that I still love you so
♪ Only heartaches remain
♪ I'll do my crying in the rain
♪ Raindrops falling from heaven
♪ Could never wash away my misery
♪ But since we're not together
♪ I look for stormy weather
♪ To hide these tears I hope you'll never see
♪ Someday when my crying's done
♪ I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
♪ I may be a fool But till then, darling you'll
♪ Never see me complain
♪ I'll do my crying in the rain
I've got the revenue and the bank on my back.
Well, sounds like I'm came along at the right time, then.
Yeah, all these wagons coming and going, I'm not so sure.
Wagons coming and going?
Is this another torture you're planning to inflict on Miss Hanson?
You what?
It's her torturing me!
Oh, aye. Very likely.
Oh, don't look at me, Oscar. I'm not taking sides.
Why not? Everybody else is having a go at me.
Well, it does seem a shame to start a retirement like this.
Shame?
She blunks herself down and expects everybody to dance to her tune.
Do this. Do that. Typical teacher.
Calm down, Donald.
I'll calm down when I'm in a box.
Till then, I'll have me say.
Well, not in here, you won't.
Are you gonna stop me?
Donald, don't.
If you hadn't have poked your big nose in, Blaketon,
she'd have shut up by now.
I think you've had enough.
Greengrass, take him home, will you?
Put that back.
Hey, I think we probably ought to...
Put it back. Or you can have this and all.
- Hey. - Don't threaten me, Foster.
I'm not a small, defenseless woman like Miss Hanson.
I'll just pay two and ??? for that.
Right, that's it. Get out of here, the pair of you.
Get out!
And don't come back!
You're barred!
- Barred! - Sounds like a flaming sheep.
What do you want to go and do that for?
- Where's that money? - What? Here.
You dump your rubbish, Claude,
and the closer to teacher's front door, the better.
I thought after the police visit, things would improve.
Are you sure about this, Oscar?
I heard enough to know what they were up to.
But Foster and Greengrass would need planning approval.
You know, it could be the sort of rubbish
that leaches into the watercourse or attracts vermin.
Oh, please, stop.
Well, I'm acting for Mr. Foster on a new tenancy agreement,
so I'll have to ask one of my partners to handle this.
Stick him with others.
This lot want sorting out, Don.
Give us a mere.
Revenue.
Bank.
Animal feed bill.
Stick it behind the clock with the others.
Aye, all right.
These are hotels.
This is from a solicitor.
That'll be about my new tenancy agreement.
No, they're acting on behalf of that teacher.
Threatening you with legal action if you cause her any more nuisance.
Here we are, Sue-Kate.
Home.
Go away. Go away.
It's all right, Sue-Kate. It's all right.
Good boy. Good boy.
Hey, is this where Frank Jarvis gets all his rubbish from?
Yeah, it might be.
Fair bit on it, isn't it?
We've got the hole to stick it in.
Oh, look at that.
Hey, how much do you reckon they want for that?
You haven't really got the hang of all this, have you?
We don't buy things from them.
They pay us to take the stuff away.
All right.
Keep your eye on the lorry. I'll go and see if I can find the gaffer.
Good morning. Claude Greengrass, waste disposal.
Could be your lucky day.
♪ I walked through a field
♪ That it just wasn't real
♪ With one hundred tin soldiers
♪ Would shoot at my shoulder
♪ And all that I knew was
♪ The hole in my shoe
♪ Which was letting in water
Hey, where'd you get that?
Oh over there. There's all sorts of stuff.
Is there?
Well, don't get too attached to it or you might follow it down the hole.
Hey, he's having luck with the gaffer?
He's gonna give us fifteen quid for every load we take away.
You stick with your Uncle Claude.
You know what they say? Where there's muck...?
There's you.
Yeah, something like that.
You think I should call Gina?
Nah. She'll be all right now she's had a good cry.
Yeah, she didn't say a word on the way back.
I feel responsible.
Well, I should hope so. It was a terrible idea.
Yes, madam?
I'd like to speak to someone with authority, please.
Well, perhaps I could help.
Thank you. No.
Hello, Miss Hanson.
Well, have you been in the wars?
That's exactly what it is, Constable.
War.
Mr. Greengrass?
I could be.
Skinner from the District Council Planning Office.
Oh, yeah? What can we do for you?
Councillor Blaketon has warned us of possible
planning infringements in the area.
Blaketon?
He was once a copper and now he's a politician,
so I won't put too much money on what he says.
Do you know a Frank Jarvis, Mr. Greengrass?
Jarvis? No, I don't think so, why?
We believe he's been tipping waste without planning permission.
Has he?
And that's bad, is it?
Depends if you're sitting on top of it. Mr. Greengrass.
Shut up!
Now what?
Well, Mr. Foster,
I'm investigating a serious assault...
on Miss Hanson.
And what's that got to do with me?
She says she was set upon and bitten by one of your dogs.
Bitten?
Badly enough to need stitches and a tetanus jab.
Did you untie them?
And what if I did?
Dogs can't be tied up all day.
The law holds owners responsible for their animals, Mr. Foster.
At best, you could be sent to court for failure to control.
At worst, a charge of assault.
Either way, it would result in a destruction order for your dogs.
Nay, talk sense, man.
Try to warn you, Mr. Foster.
I thank you for your time, Mr. Greengrass.
If you're approached by Jarvis, I trust you'll give me a call.
Of course.
I wouldn't wait up.
Go and put the kettle up.
Sir, is that your field?
Oh, oh, oh, yes, yeah.
Awful lot of fresh topsoil there, Mr. Greengrass.
Yes, well, I'm, er, thinking of planting some carrots.
Are we really planting carrots?
I sometimes wonder if you're taking the what's-it.
Let's hope while he's looking for Jarvis that'll keep him off our backs.
Careful.
Last time I was here, it was very sparty.
- It's lovely. - Thank you.
I heard about your injury.
Oh, that's very efficient of you.
It really isn't serious enough to bring you out of your way.
The first year class was my favourite.
Rogues and angels, I love them all.
I can say that now.
Quite a change to this.
Yes. Though it isn't as quiet as I'd expected.
It takes time to convert some of the natives.
Well, I hope I'm not trying to do that.
Do you know Mr. Foster?
Not well. I knew his wife better.
She tried hard to stick it,
but I'm afraid the foot and mouth outbreak was the last straw.
Well, that must have been hard on him.
Hmm.
What made it worse was when Joan disappeared without a trace one day.
And people started asking him what he'd done with her.
Really?
Bar in Buncombe, but you can't stop them once they start.
You must have been terrified when those dogs attacked you.
Yes.
They'll probably have to be put down now.
Oh, surely not.
One of those things.
Oh, Philip.
Hello, Oscar. Gina in?
Yeah.
How is she?
Well, you know.
Phil?
Gina?
I just thought I'd, er, better... ...pop in.
Well, I'm glad you have.
Because I just wanted to say thanks for last night.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
A real tonic. Just what I needed.
Oh.
Was there something you wanted?
Yeah. I'll have a pint.
Come on.
There's a good girl. Come on.
Ah!
Drat!
You better move that car, or I'll drive straight through it.
How long are you going to keep me?
As long as it takes.
It were an accident.
- Really? - Obvious.
Tractor's been playing up for a while.
Only there's a pattern, you see, Mr. Foster.
You what?
Of threatening behaviour.
Ah, maybe so.
But this were an accident.
I'll drive straight through it.
That's what he said.
You'd better move that car or I'll drive straight through it.
Yes.
How many more times?
Just to be sure.
I took the second bale off the trailer.
I went to throw it over the wall.
When I turned round, the tractor were on its way.
There were no tackled do.
Come in.
Sarge, can I have a word?
I've got to get back for milking.
Len can't cope himself.
We'll get the message to him.
So, he threatened to do it.
Well, strictly speaking, the threat was to the car.
Yeah, with her in it or behind it, what's the difference?
You've heard the rumours concerning the disappearance of his wife.
Oh, yes, Sarge.
Thanks for letting me know.
By the time I turned round, the tractor was on its way.
There was nothing I could do.
I've told you all that.
I've got to get back.
When you found Miss Hanson blocking that road,
do you remember what you said to her?
Let me help.
You'd better move that car or I'll drive straight through it.
It was said in the heat of the moment.
In fact, you did say it.
It wasn't meant. It's obvious.
You keep saying it's obvious,
but what seems obvious to me is that you meant every word.
No!
You don't like women much, do you, Foster?
You what?
You've already told me about your wife leaving you.
What's that got to do with it?
I've had enough of your daft questions.
Sit down!
So, you don't bear a grudge against Miss Hanson?
- No. - Pals now, is it?
- I wouldn't say that. - No, I'm sure you wouldn't,
because she's turned your life upside down, hasn't she?
- No wonder you're in such a rage. - I'm not in a rage.
I'm just trying to earn a living.
- And she wouldn't let you? - No.
No.
You're putting words in me mouth now.
The truth is, ever since she came here,
you've made that poor woman's life a misery.
You think what you like.
I've got things to do that can't wait.
You're incensed because she's invaded your territory.
I've got to go.
So you turned your bull into that field,
you set your dogs on her,
you fired guns within feet of her home,
and then finally you tried to run her over.
That's what you tried to do, isn't it?
- You tried to run her over. - Yes.
What's happened?
Foster's confessed to trying to mow her down.
Confessed?
Don't ask.
- Can I go now. - No.
But I've signed it.
Sit down, Mr. Foster.
Well, you'd best get him a solicitor, Sarge.
Fine by me.
Then I want you to follow up another line of inquiry.
- What's that, sarge? - Foster's wife.
Want to interview her?
No, Ventress.
I want to know if she's still alive.
He's not here. You lot have got him.
- No, it's you I want to talk to. - Oh, aye?
Joan Foster.
You were working here when she left.
Yeah.
Was it a sudden decision?
How do you mean?
Well, was it a surprise when she went?
Yeah, I know. She weren't very happy. You could see that.
???
Did they row?
Finish? It was a rough time.
We slaughtered all our herding one day.
Boss went a bit mad. You can't blame Joan for going.
Didn't she say cheerio or anything?
Not to me.
And you've no idea where she went?
Is there a photo of her around?
There's one behind the clock.
If it wasn't true, why did you sign it?
I had to get back, but he kept going on at me.
All I wanted to do was shut him up and get out.
So I signed it and they still wouldn't let me go.
Started on about Joan.
- Joan? - My wife.
She'd been gone seven years and he expects me to know where she is.
You should have asked for me sooner.
There was no to it. It was an accident, plain and simple.
She could have registered in the name of Foster
or maybe her maiden name Phillips.
Joan Phillips or Joan Foster.
Soon as you can.
Check if any new accounts were open in either night.
Yes.
Anything of interest?
I've got a lead on a woman who went south.
- London? - No. Pickering.
Well, Sergeant, would you like to tear up
Mr. Foster's statement and start again?
No, I'll stick with the one I've got, thanks.
So you think a confession extracted by bullying can convince a court, do you?
Me? Bully that mountain of a man? How on earth would I do that?
You'll be granting him bail, I presume?
- Sorry, no. - Well, why not?
We have further inquiries to make.
And in view of the threat he poses to Miss Hanson,
I shall be asking for a remand in custody.
For heaven's sake! This man isn't a villain.
When the red mist descends, I think he's capable of anything.
Well, I'm surprised at you, Alf.
Well, I only met her a couple of times.
- Why? - Well, I'm trying to trace her.
What, in connection with this case?
Sort of.
Craddock reckons that if Foster was capable of this assault, what else?
Well, in my day, that would mean putting two and two together, making 22.
Exactly.
Mind you,
he did have the perfect opportunity
and the right place to dispose of a body.
I know, and there's a lot of digging.
You think of the overtime?
No, thank you.
But I found someone who swears that Joan Foster
latched on to a guest house owner from Pickering.
So I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Oh, not you again.
What are they doing here? Didn't you come on your own?
These gentlemen are here to check your field, Mr. Greengrass.
Check me? What for?
Evidence of unauthorised tipping.
Well, they can take a tip from me and tip off and you can join them.
I can bring the police next time, Mr. Greengrass.
What are those men doing, Mr. Greengrass?
Trying to dig up some dirt on me and Frank Jarvis.
They won't have to go down all that far, either.
- Shall I go and give them hands? - What for?
So they think we've got nothing to hide.
Like a hundred lorry loads of rubbish. Don't talk daft.
We'll need divine intervention if we're going to get out of this lot.
I think I'll better go and have a word with Don Foster,
tell him to keep his trap shut.
And while I'm gone, you keep your eyes and ears open and everything else closed.
Did they make you comfortable?
I've had worse nights.
Well, let's hope you won't have to get used to it.
I have to persuade the bench that you pose no threat to Miss Hanson.
And then they'll let me go?
Well, hopefully.
Until trial proper, but with certain conditions.
Like what?
That you don't go anywhere near Miss Hanson.
No fear of that.
Where's Mr. Greengrass?
Oh, he had to go out.
???
Sarge?
Still no news from Alf and Phil's inquiries have come to a dead end.
Like Joan Foster, perhaps.
May I have a word, Sergeant?
Yes, of course, Miss Hanson.
I couldn't sleep last night for thinking of Mr. Foster.
Rest assured, we'll stop him from bothering you.
No, wait, it isn't that.
I've taught children for over 30 years, Sergeant.
And in a way, they've taught me, about people.
I know Mr. Foster's a cussed, ill-tempered individual
but he's not a bad man.
Well, that's very generous of you, Miss Hanson,
but we have a confession that he intended to harm you.
He set his dogs on you. You've got the scars to prove it.
Well, no. You see, I haven't.
I'm sorry?
I lied about the dogs, Sergeant.
They were really after my Sue-Kate.
Naturally, she was terrified and when I reached out to calm her, I...
- She bit you? - Yes.
Even the tractor incident wouldn't have happened
if I'd got my car in proper working order.
Miss Hanson,
despite your admission, you are not to blame.
Mr. Foster has brought this on himself.
It's rather hard on him, don't you think?
No, I don't.
And further inquiries may yet confirm my view.
All rise, please.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
Further inquiries?
Routine follow-up.
Can't we stop all this now, constable?
Sorry. Excuse me.
PC Alf Ventress, Ashfordly Police.
Morning, madam. PC Al Ventress, Ashfordly Police.
Do you recognise this lady?
I'm sorry, I don't.
Since Miss Hanson moved in
Mr. Foster has waged a campaign of intimidation against her
culminating in an assault from which she was lucky to escape.
In a signed statement,
Mr. Foster has admitted his intention of harming Miss Hanson.
And in view of the proximity of her home to Blackbrook Farm
I request a remand in custody to avert any similar incidents.
- In court? - That's what I said.
Well, how long's he likely to be there?
Who knows?
Only, you see, I've got a bit of a problem.
I might have to postpone the arrangement I made with him.
I doubt that'll be the first thing on his mind right now.
I hope he's not spent any of that advance I gave him.
No, he gave it to me.
Did he? That's a bit of luck.
He owes me three weeks' wages.
Really?
Your Worships,
when this case comes to trial, my client will plead not guilty.
The confession referred to was extracted after hostile questioning.
Confused and anxious to return to his livestock
Mr. Foster finally signed whatever was put in front of him.
What's all this got to do with the bail application, Mrs. Bradley?
Well, the so-called assault was an accident, Your Worship.
Mr. Foster did not and does not wish Miss Hanson any harm.
And if it pleased the bench to grant bail,
they may be sure he poses no threat.
Thank you.
Sergeant?
Your Worships,
Mr. Foster checked the wording of his statement
and signed of his own free will.
I am concerned he is still a danger to this lady
and I urge you to remand him in custody.
Stand up, please, Mr. Foster.
To clarify the circumstances in which you made your statement,
we'd like to hear your own account of what happened.
Yes, Your Worship.
Take the oath, please.
I'm sorry, Your Worship.
You prefer to make the declaration?
Aye.
Out loud, please, Mr. Foster.
Your Worship, I'm sorry.
I can't read.
Do we conclude from this that you couldn't read what you were signing?
Yes, Your Worship.
- Hello. - Sorry, love, the phone.
No matter, love. You've made my day.
Please, everybody, would you move to the top of the lane.
It's going to be a lot safer.
Thank you very much. Come on, that's good.
What's going on, David?
They're not letting anybody through, Mr. Greengrass.
- Why not? - I reckon there might be an explosion.
Hey, I don't know what your lot have found,
but Jarvis's assured me that's nowt but builder's rubble there.
And, I mean, if I'd even have thought the road
I wouldn't have let it near the place.
Yeah, we'll deal with that in due course.
The immediate problem we have is the unexploded bomb in your shed.
- The what? - I found your lad polishing it.
Where'd you find it?
Well, we've got all that...
How many times have I told you about collecting knick-knacks?
Well, my mum's had one of them for years as a doorstop.
It's never given her a bit of trouble.
But, well, who says this one's live, anyway?
My colleagues.
They say it could go off at any moment and take the whole house with it.
Well, that's... excuse me.
Hey, come on, say, I've told you once.
If you'd like to, er...
Hold it there, Claude.
Sorry, nobody's stopping me going on my own property.
Wait for the bomb disposal officer... Mr. Greengrass!
Claude!
If that's how you feel, Miss Hanson,
there's no point in us pressing charges.
Thank you, Sergeant.
It's a great weight off my conscience.
Message from Alf, Sarge.
Joan Foster... she's alive and well.
Oh?
That's that, then.
Can't beat a happy ending, can you?
It's as dead as a doornail.
Put it down, Claude. Gently.
You'd need to drop that on somebody's head to do him any damage.
Just get rid of it, Claude.
Where do you want it?
Hey! Not here.
Right. I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll take it right to the middle of that field
provided he gives me no more aggravation about dumping waste.
Well?
Well, it's very irregular.
For crying out loud, do you want him scattered all over Aidensfield?
That would be an environmental disaster.
Very well.
I'll be back.
- Mr. Foster. - Miss.
The police are going to drop the case completely.
Right.
Oh, I'm so pleased it's all over.
Is it possible, do you think for us to call a truce and try again?
Well, if that's what you want.
I want that more than anything.
Well, I don't see why not, then.
Deal?
Done.
Better a friend than a foe?
I suppose.
So long as it don't come to reading books.
Get a move on, Claude.
It's a good job we didn't have to rely on you lot during the war.
You're like a load of old women.
Come on, everybody move back!
Claude, are you all right?
Mr. Greengrass!
Are you all right, Mr. Greengrass?
Yeah. No thanks to you.
I bet that made a bit of a crater.
Why don't you do us all a favour and go and chuck yourself in it.