Who's that? He looks familiar.
That is Armie Hammer.
- He starred in Lone Ranger. - How old is he?
No, not the old one.
This was a remake just a few years ago.
- What was his issue? - Cannibalism, allegedly.
Bite play, stuff like that.
So how was he canceled?
He got dropped from movies, from the stage.
- His agents dropped him. - What are we talking about?
- You're late. - Sorry. I had paperwork.
Well, you just have to listen and catch up, won't you?
God, are you in a bad mood?
Nope, I just know you're gonna disagree with me.
- Oh, no. Are you serious? - What?
You're gonna clear these guys?
No, they're-they're not all just guys.
Really? Where are the women?
I got one right here.
I spotted one... Yep, Henrietta Michaels,
former Professor at Northwestern.
She was fired for using a word
which was misunderstood by her students.
She wants to defend herself on TV
so she can get her job back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds like good TV.
So four dozen guys accused of rape and harassment,
- and one woman. - Oh, come on, Marissa.
People are getting canceled without a trial,
no evidence presented against them.
- Because they did it. - Maybe they did, maybe they didn't.
or maybe it's more nuanced.
Oh, my God, you sound like that Canadian guy.
The one who wrote the book about that thing.
If I knew what that meant, maybe I'd be offended.
You want to play cancel-culture cop.
No. I want to play judge.
- Oh, my God. - Think about it.
There are lots of reasons these accusations never go to trial.
The victims finally get to accuse the victimizer
face to face.
- What if they don't want to? - That's their choice.
And the victimizer gets the court to himself?
To say whatever bullshit he wants.
This is a bad joke.
- You're undercutting MeToo. - No, no,
- no, we're giving MeToo teeth. - That's right.
If it relies on mob rule, it'll exhaust itself.
Okay. All right. Mom, Dad, please.
I hate when you fight. Let's get back to work
Who's up first?
- Who's this guy? - Oh, uh. Joey Battle.
- Stand-up. - Oh, God, you mean Louis C.K. Two.
- What'd he do? - He masturbated
in front of two women in a green room.
To be fair, he did ask for permission first.
Seriously? If he did, he didn't wait for a "yes".
But he did not assault anyone.
Oh. Are we really setting the bar that low?
Let's compromise. We'll do both.
- Both? - Yeah, this guy and, uh,
Marissa's idea.
The academic, uh, Henrietta what's-her-name.
- Henrietta Michaels. - That wasn't my idea.
When can we start?
You really think there's time to do both?
We'll make the time. Let's just schedule it.
That's my time, guys.
Thank you very much.
June, you were great.
The drinks are watered down, so I know you're not drunk.
No. You're funny.
It's just this club sucks.
Is this about Joey Battle?
How'd you know?
Reporters are the only ones who approach me nowadays.
I'm not a reporter.
The last time I spoke out about Joey Battle,
this happened to me.
I mean, I was on my way to a serious career,
and that scumbag derailed me.
Not just off the tracks, like buried under them.
By testifying, you'd get the truth out.
Did you say "truth"?
I thought we were talking about a reality TV show.
Millions of people could see it.
I mean, I don't even know the whole truth.
When the story about Joey was about to break,
he reached out to me on Facebook.
And you know what he said?
He said, "I'm sorry for shoving you into a closet."
He shoved you into a closet?
No, with me, he just jacked off into a plant.
I can't help but think, though, "who did he shove into a closet
and what happened to her?"
So you should testify against him.
- Bring that out. - This is just another way for Battle
to get his career back. I'm not participating in that.
What if it wasn't?
What if he was actually confronted with his crime?
It'll never happen.
People like Battle win.
People like me lose.
But, you know what? This is my consolation prize.
His Wikipedia page.
He's no longer the comedian saint.
Now he's Mr. Masturbater in the greenroom.
Who's defending Battle?
The comedian? David is.
David Cord. Why?
He's a lawyer.
My guess is he wants to make an issue of cancel culture.
Then I want to prosecute him.
- Really? - Yeah.
I'm gonna rip him a new one.
- David or the comedian? - Both.
Oh, that's the spirit.
What about the other case... The, uh, academic lady?
That's different. She shouldn't have been fired.
No, you want to prosecute one, you have to prosecute the other.
- Why? - Because I'm unpredictable.
Haven't you heard?
It's about cancel culture.
- Have to explore all sides. - I don't want to explore all sides.
Well, this isn't about what you want.
Let's go into court.
Nobody move! Get down! Get down on the ground!
Get down! This party is a violation
of COVID quarantine rules!
Turn that fucking music off!
Did you see that?
Is something funny here?
What the hell's so funny?
- Nobody said anything. - Come here!
Ms. Farrow, where was this taken?
At a friend's house party.
It was a great day until somebody called the cops.
And the cop that arrived was, uh,
Officer McFinley, yes?
Yes.
Get down. Get down over here!
Ow! Hey, let me go.
- I didn't do anything wrong! - Get down!
- Ow! Let me go. - Get the fuck down!
- Ow! Ow, you're hurting me. - Stay down!
- Ow! - Get down! Stop resisting.
Stop!
No...
What happened next?
I ran to her.
She wasn't breathing.
When the paramedics arrived,
she was dead.
You know that Antoinette's family is suing the Chicago PD
for five million dollars?
Yes.
If it were up to me, it'd be ten times that.
Thank you, Miss Farrow.
Miss Farrow, I'm-I'm so sorry
for the loss of your friend.
You were good friends, weren't you?
We were.
So you knew she had a heart condition? Tachycardia.
- Can you tell us... - Objection, Your Honor. That has
- Objection. Under the eggsh... - nothing to do with what we're...
Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're on the same side, you two.
Your Honor, under the eggshell doctrine, it is irrelevant
whether Antoinette had a heart condition.
What does matter is that the defendant caused the injury.
Your Honor, we would argue that the stun gun
wasn't the true cause of death. Her heart condition was.
Okay, well, good for you two.
You both got your statements out to the jury.
Overruled. The defense may argue causation.
- Please continue. - Ms. Farrow,
did Antoinette's heart condition
mean she was supposed to avoid overexertion?
She had a heart arrhythmia, but she was careful.
That cop put 50,000 volts through her.
Right, that cop.
Let's talk about that cop.
Ms. Farrow, this is your Instagram profile, isn't it?
- Object-Obj... - Objection.
- Okay. Give me a hint, Counselors. - Relevance.
- This is inflammatory. - Okay, okay.
So, what is going on over there? Do you need separate tables?
- No, Your Honor. - Just objection.
You must know what's coming,
because I don't. Overruled.
On Instagram, you quote these rap lyrics,
"Fuck the cops like porn stars,
keeping us caged behind bars."
Objection, Your Honor.
It speaks to the witness' bias.
To quote rap lyrics? No.
No. That shows the counselor's racism.
Oh, that's right, everything you don't like is racist.
The Supreme Court ruled that rap lyrics can be
- considered criminal evidence. - No, they merely declined to reverse.
And you're going one step further
to damn someone who quotes the lyrics.
- I'm not damning. - Okay, I'm-I'm gonna talk now.
I don't like this like this line of reasoning, Counselor.
I have quoted Johnny Cash's song about shooting a man in Reno.
Does that go to my character? I hope not.
Sustained. Let's move on.
Professors expect students to be respectful.
I don't think it's too much to expect
that our teachers be respectful in return.
Okay, got it.
And that irritated you?
It more than irritated me.
I-I found the word offensive.
So you decided to call Professor Henrietta Michaels out?
Well, I just reported it.
I mean, the word is self-explanatory.
- It's a triggering word. - Here's the text of your tweet.
Can you read it for His Honor?
"How does Professor Michaels think it's okay in 2021
to use a word so similar to the N-word?"
So, at this point, I think we need to talk about the word
itself and how we're gonna continue to refer to it.
Our handy graphics team at Copy Coop...
20% off on all large orders until Friday...
has put the word on our display.
That's the word.
I feel like a little duck should come down.
"You say the magic word, you collect a $100."
Sorry, millennials, you can look that one up.
Anyway, from now on,
I think we should refer to the word as...
um...
I don't know. Thoughts?
N-word-ly?
- Inelegant, but sure. - Uh, Your Honor,
defense feels that any euphemism for the word
in question, uh, biases the court against
my client's honest use of said word.
"Said word"? Seriously?
- It's powdered-wig time, my friend. - Oh, no. Your Honor, really?
No obtuse use of language or Latin.
You know the penalty.
Thank you, Dean.
Very becoming. Since I am the court,
I will swear to you,
I will not be biased by said word.
"N-word-ly" it is.
Go ahead, Prosecutor.
And you found her use of that word...
- notice I didn't say "said word". - Always in awe, Counselor.
You found it offensive?
Yes.
Good. I think that's it.
No more questions.
- De lege lata. That was a joke. - I don't care.
- That's why we have two. Dean. - No, no, no,
- that was a joke, I... No. - Come on, Marissa.
Now, Camille, you are aware the word...
- What is it? - N-word-ly.
N-word-ly... you are aware that it simply means "stingy"?
- Right? - Yes.
And that it comes from an Old Norse word,
"nigla", meaning "poor"
and it has the same root as the word "niggle"?
- Yes. - So, if Professor Michaels
had said the word "niggle"
- would you have felt offended? - No.
- Why not? - It wouldn't sound like
- the "N-word". - So it doesn't matter
that the word in question
has no racial connotations whatsoever?
Given how it sounds, the word definitely
has racial connotations,
whether you're prepared to acknowledge that or not.
But the etymology of the word is non-racial.
I'm not an expert in etymology,
but I do know something about people using the N-word.
Camille, before you tweeted about Professor Michaels'
use of N-word-ly,
wasn't there something else she did that upset you?
I'm not sure what you're talking about.
Well, you asked her twice
for an extension on your term paper.
Yeah-huh.
And she said no.
And when you did turn in the term paper late
anyway, what grade did you get?
- She gave me a C. - And isn't that
really the reason that you wanted to get her fired?
No.
Can't you object or something?
- This has nothing to do with it. - Even if she did object,
you'd still have to answer the question.
This court is bullshit.
You want to clear her so she can get her job back,
but she knew what she was doing using that word.
- No, I didn't. - Come on.
You think college is meant to be a warm, cuddly place
- where you're not challenged. - No,
I just don't want to spend my day being offended.
These are the words that make up the English language.
They exist.
They don't mean what you think they mean.
- And that is education. - No.
An education is living in now, not in the 16th century.
Okay, good. That was illuminating.
You can step down now. Thank you, my dear.
Fuck you. You're not even trying.
The optics matter.
Racially.
I agree.
Some of the jurors may react to a woman
interrogating a man, period.
Well, we're both women.
That... that can't be helped.
Some of the jurors may feel more comfortable
if, um...
if I question the cop.
'Cause you're white?
Yes. I'm just speaking pragmatically.
They may not think I have as big a dog in the fight.
And, on the other hand, some jurors might appreciate
that I do have a dog in the fight.
Okay. Well, I could be more dispassionate.
Do we want dispassionate?
Liz, you're shoving me out of my name partner position
- because of my race. - I am doing nothing.
You are the one who got our racist clients
to whine to STR Laurie about us.
Those clients bring in a great deal of money,
and they are not racists.
Oh, are you fucking kidding me?
They have been my clients for 15 years.
That's what it was about.
Are you saying that-that if you were being replaced
by another white partner they would have the same objection?
I'm saying... maybe they worry about racial grudges.
- Oh, my God. - I mean, what do you call
pushing me out of a-a... of a name partnership
- that I worked for? - That you felt entitled to.
Excuse me?
Really?
That's what you think?
Yeah.
I think that Barbara Kolstad was shoved out
because you felt entitled to her position.
Fine. Let's finish this case, because here's the problem:
We can't work together if you don't respect me.
No, we can't work together if you use race cynically.
Oh, fine.
You cross-examine him, because this is bullshit.
This is motherfucking bullshit.
You want to come after me, you come after me
with an honest argument about my lack of competence,
- my lack of worth. - Your unworthiness...
which you don't seem to want to acknowledge...
is you can't be the top dog in a Black firm.
Wake up.
Ever shoot anybody?
No, ma'am.
Not in 11 years of service.
Other than on the occasion of Antoinette Lacey's passing,
had you ever used your stun gun?
Never, and...
I hope to God I never do again.
Did anyone tell you
that Antoinette Lacey had a heart condition?
No. No one did.
I just...
So, other than killing an unarmed girl,
- Object to "killed". - you never used your stun gun?
- Yeah, Counselor, rephrase. - So, other than using
lethal force on an unarmed girl,
you only faced disciplinary action
for violent behavior once?
I'm not sure what you're referring to.
In February, 2019,
did Chicago PD respond to a report
of a domestic dispute at your house?
Objection. Your Honor, Officer McFinley
isn't on trial for his personal life.
No, he's on trial for being a violent cop.
Overruled. The witness may answer.
It wasn't...
It was an argument.
My wife...
My ex-wife...
We had a fight,
not a physical one, verbal.
- So it was just a noise disturbance? - Yes.
- Your Honor... - Uh, Your... Your Honor,
we would like to call our next witness,
Officer McFinley's ex-wife,
- Vanessa McFinley. - Your Honor,
Ms. McFinley was not on the witness list.
She doesn't need to be. She's being used
to rebut Officer McFinley's testimony.
- The testimony he just swore to. - I'm sorry, just a moment,
- Ms. McFinley. - Your Honor, I know that
with your politics you lean
- to the worldview of BLM... - No, no,
Counselor, please don't try that.
Then we ask for a recess to review with our client.
They can review all they want.
It's not gonna change what's been said on the stand.
Well, still, Ms. Reddick, um...
let's adjourn to tomorrow morning.
Well, it was a good try to get her in today.
Yeah, well, whether we get her in today
or tomorrow, it doesn't matter. She's a slam dunk.
Nicholas Dupont.
I represent comedians.
I want to help anyone who's serious about comedy
and his career.
- His career but not her career? - I... Uh, no, that's-that's not
- what I was trying to say. - One for the prosecution, Dean.
No, no, wait. Now, she didn't
- let me finish my statement. - Yes, she did, sir.
And you revealed your mindset with a spontaneous utterance.
Continue, Madame Prosecutor.
- Miss Prosecutor. - Miss, my apologies.
Your clients include Joey Battle.
That's right. He's a very talented man.
One of the funniest men alive.
Did doing your best for Joey mean silencing
June Barrow after he victimized her?
Uh, objection to victimized.
You only get three objections per day in my court, Mr. Cord.
You sure you want to use it now?
Uh...
Objection withdrawn.
I never silenced anyone.
I have here an affidavit from Steve Brant at the Laugh Farm
saying you explicitly told him
to cancel June's upcoming booking.
- Eh, he hates me. - Uh-huh. And you
- apparently hate him. - Look,
I might have called her a loose cannon.
That's a possibilit...
Look, uh...
at the time, I had no idea there was any truth
- to the allegations about Joey. - You didn't notice
that June's story had uncanny similarities
to stories told by other female comedians?
I heard a rumor that Joey might have had an affair or two
that went sour, but...
I-I didn't understand the allegations, exactly.
You never heard that he had a habit
of inviting women to his dressing room,
blocking the door, and then masturbating
- into a potted ficus? - Absolutely not.
So it's just a coincidence that at your 2015 holiday party
you made a joke that people should keep Joey
away from the Christmas tree?
I think this deserves two slashes, Dean.
Marissa.
Use me however you want.
- I'm in. - Really?
- Yes. - Oh! Thank you.
Hey.
Where was that passion in the N-word case?
Oh, I guess I feel like it's not the N-word.
It is.
It always is.
Witnesses heard the shooter yell, "That's for Antoinette",
- an apparent reference to the ongoing - Oh, my God.
- civil suit against the officer. - Diane, turn on the news.
In what is turning into a season of...
Before two shots were fired at close range.
The assailant is unknown and still at large.
Many wonder whether the ongoing brutality lawsuit
against the city had something to do with
the patrol officer's murder.
Oh, fuck.
Jesse McFinley was a father of four and a 15-year veteran
of the Chicago Police Department.
Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com
Do you guys have a minute?
Sure.
Remember how you told me how much you hate
being Blackopedia for white people,
explaining what is or isn't offensive?
Yeah.
I really need to ask you if something is or isn't offensive.
We love playing this game with white allies.
You can ask me about Jews any time you want.
Just go.
I'm prosecuting someone in Wackner's court
who lost their professorship for saying a word.
What word?
Niggardly?
As in "stingy"?
Exactly. Is the word offensive?
- No. It means stingy. - Wait...
It's a medieval word
that no one uses in casual conversation.
- You really think it's offensive? - I think it's a microaggression.
And microaggressions are like Pringles.
You never have just one. If you mean "stingy"...
But don't you undercut the English language
when you reduce the number of words we can use?
Then create new ones!
That's how language develops.
- Why not do both? - Okay.
African Americans aren't monolithic. I get it.
- No, Carmen is just weird. - No.
I just don't have the same thin skin that you do.
- Really? Thin? - Uh-huh.
Not a Black person on earth would ever let that word slide.
Thank you for supporting the monolithic argument,
but I think it has nothing to do with that.
Although I've asked you to ignore the news,
you've probably heard by now that Officer McFinley
was killed last night.
Our deepest sympathies go out to his family.
Nevertheless, uh, this case is not against him,
it is against the Chicago PD.
We must do our best to set aside emotions
and look only at the facts.
But first...
a moment of silence
feels appropriate.
We're fucked.
Thank you for answering our questions, Ms. McFinley.
Can you tell us about your ex-husband's violence
and the domestic abuse call?
He was a good man.
When he got stressed out,
it was only 'cause he was working too hard.
He put his life on the line every single day.
But he-he, he did hit you?
I'm so sorry, Jess.
I'm so sorry. Oh, my God.
You didn't deserve it.
Mr. McFinley's death, in the middle of this case,
has clearly prejudiced this jury.
Why would you think that?
Oh, come on.
Not a great argument, Counselor.
I'm going to need something more than "come on".
We're worried that the jury
won't base their decision on fact.
They're gonna base it on McFinley being violently killed.
You were never basing this on the facts.
You were basing this on the emotions
for that poor Black girl.
Okay, thank you.
I'm-I'm just gonna keep talking until somebody listens.
So, I'm just talking, talking. Words, words, words.
I'm calling a voir dire de novo.
I know. I know.
I've never done this before.
A voir dire, mid-trial,
you can re-question the jury in chambers.
You can ask them if they're watching the news
and find out how they're impacted.
And if they are impacted, you will declare a mistrial?
I don't know what I'll do.
You can solve this, though. You know?
You three can come up with some kind of negotiated settlement.
That's my recommendation.
But what do I know?
Joey invited comedians to his dressing room for drinks
after shows sometimes.
Hey, Joey.
I was excited when he invited me.
I thought, finally, I'm in the inner circle.
I didn't realize it would just be me and Joey.
Can you tell us what happened next?
He asked if he could...
jerk off in front of me.
I thought it was a joke, so I laughed.
But then he did it.
I just stood there.
Like it was some kind of an initiation.
Did you tell anyone what happened?
I told everyone,
and they all blamed me.
The men especially.
They just looked at me like I compelled Joey
to quick masturbate.
My manager told me to shut my mouth,
- or it would ruin my career. - And did it?
The first gig I had as a headliner got canceled.
Things went south after that.
Has your career ever rebounded?
Fuck no. Hmm-mm.
I'm sorry, June.
Nothing further.
Ms. Barrow,
you had a headliner gig canceled on July 11, 2019?
- Is that right? - Uh-huh.
I'd like to read a review from a prior gig on July 10th.
"While June Barrow has been described as a rising star,
"she proved tonight how easy it is to mistake
a low-flying satellite for a distant sun."
Ms. Barrow, your headliner gig
was canceled because of bad reviews.
- Wasn't it? - Comics get bad reviews all the time.
Have you read Joey Battle's?
Well, why don't you show us your act then?
Let the court see just how funny you are.
Objection.
That sounds like a good idea.
It's irrelevant, Your Honor.
This is the wrong venue, the wrong crowd.
You-You've gotten tons of laughs in here.
They were spontaneous. This is different.
Marissa, you're flailing.
You know what you get when you flail.
I... Your Honor, I am not flailing.
Put it on, Marissa.
Come on.
Okay, be seated.
Okay, let's hear it. Tell us some jokes.
- I'm not really a joke comedian. - What other kind is there?
I tell stories about the frailty of being human.
Oh, okay. Do that.
Uh...
Ah, okay, uh...
Uh, who came up with the term "rape fantasy"?
I mean, what was that woman thinking? She should aim higher.
One day I'm gonna win an Oscar and cure cancer,
and then...
I love being a millennial.
I can wake up late and blame everyone else for everything.
Okay, Dean.
Have a seat in the, uh, witness box,
Juror Number Two.
So, uh, the attorneys are gonna ask you some questions
about recent events to see how you've been affected.
Is that okay?
You posted on Facebook after the McFinley killing.
- Didn't you? - I guess.
I talk to my grandkids every day.
Mm-hmm. You wrote,
"People need to have respect for what cops do.
A hero was gunned down."
I just think he deserves a little respect.
The man died.
Your Honor, we move to strike for cause.
Objection. This is all racial.
It is not. She wrote in support of McFinley.
Yeah. Yeah, I'll give it to you. Uh, juror dismissed.
Let's get the next one in here.
Thank you. Thank you.
Didn't three Black students approach you
about not repeating the word "N-word-ly"?
Oh, they objected to many of the ways I taught.
And, despite that, you used the word again,
even though you were told it made them uncomfortable?
Objection. Unduly argumentative.
She didn't commit murder.
True, but I love a good Socratic argument. Go for it.
You used "N-word-ly" again, didn't you, Professor?
I took it as a teaching moment.
I-I explained what the word meant,
and, uh, I had to use the word in order to explain it.
Even though you were asked to stop?
I'm an educator.
Challenging students is my responsibility.
So you're trying to offend?
No, but I am trying to prepare my students
for a world that won't kowtow to their sensitivities.
So you deliberately say things to trigger students?
School is not a place to be comforted.
It's a place to be challenged.
Where do you draw the line between challenged
and triggered?
I don't.
A-a-a class shouldn't be governed
by the most fragile sensibility,
or, or it would shy away from every difficult subject.
A history class has to discuss rape
when talking about war crimes.
But it doesn't have to describe it in detail.
It does if it wants the students to sympathize,
to understand a victim's account.
The only way to honor a victim
might be to relate to her full account.
Okay, I get that.
But why not use the word "stingy"
or "miserly" instead of "N-word-ly"?
Because I like clarity in language.
I like variety in language.
And, and-and, yes, maybe I am pushing back a bit.
Then why not use the N-word?
Could we have one questioner at a time?
No, answer the question.
If you want to push back, why not use the actual N-word?
Because I'm not teaching the Civil War or Huckleberry Finn.
And if you were, you might?
Yes.
Juror 14.
Identifies as mixed race.
Works at a food bank.
Probably won't be able to knock him off.
We're out of options.
We need one more juror bumped to get our mistrial.
I've checked. We don't have anything else.
You need to see this.
Oh, good God. What now?
We're on the news.
On? What does that mean?
Systemic racism. White privilege.
We hear it from academics and Hollywood celebrities
and basketball players.
By the way, how many houses does LeBron James have?
Now add to the list Marxist slip-and-fall lawyers
from "Raddick" /Lockhart.
You need to hear what one of these lawyers had to say
about martyred Chicago police officer
Jesse Patrick McFinley.
Cops have not been held accountable for far too long,
and now the bill is due.
I made that statement before McFinley was killed.
A cop gunned down in cold blood.
And to lawyer Diane Lockhart,
- Oh... - "The bill's come due."
Was that not her finger on the trigger
as much as whatever thug held the gun?
I'm asking the question
because that's what we do here.
Maybe we could use this.
With the judge?
He hates Fox News.
Maybe we could start over again with the jurors.
Well, I'm glad you find something positive here.
He just called you two co-assassins.
We need to get you security.
So one more juror.
And we have our mistrial.
That's doable.
Stay close.
All rise.
May we approach, Your Honor?
Uh, sure. Yeah. Let's go ahead.
You may be seated. Thank you.
Your Honor, last night Ted Willoughby on Fox News...
Yes, I-I know who he is.
He accused the two of us of being complicit
in the murder of Officer McFinley...
Was this the first time someone on Fox was mean to you?
We're concerned about his influence on the jury.
We'd like to ask the jurors about it.
Your Honor, we already went through the jurors.
You ruled no mistrial.
This is new influence.
They just want another bite at the apple.
They want to get one more juror bumped.
We want an unbiased jury just like you do.
Just like His Honor does.
And we don't want the influence of Fox News.
They're playing on your bias against Fox.
Okay, uh, voir dire de novo et doctuse.
That's Latin for "the sequel".
Do you know who Ted Willoughby is?
- I do. - And have you watched his show?
Not has she watched his show,
but has she watched his show last night?
Okay, I'll ask.
Have you watched the Ted Willoughby show
in the last two days?
Uh, no, I don't watch it.
Some people from my church have,
but I don't like it.
And has anyone from your church told you
that Ted Willoughby said that the two of us
are responsible for the murder...
She just said she didn't see it.
Don't try to fill her in and create some bias
where there is none.
We take exception to that characterization, Your Honor.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Come here. All of you.
Uh, no, sorry. Not you. Uh, sorry, stay.
Um, Counselors, you two are pushing it.
You get to ask these jurors one question.
Have they seen this reporter? And that's it.
And whether they're intimidated by the presence of cops
- in the courtroom. - Your Honor...
No, that's a reasonable question.
And if we get noes from the jurors, we move on.
- Understood? - Yes.
That didn't go well.
Okay. What now?
Prepare for trial.
I'll see if the jurors' answers check out.
This is odd. The case I didn't care about
is going well, and the one I do care about is cratering.
- Did you see that guy? - No.
- What? - It was Joey Battle.
What was Joey Battle doing here?
He met with David Lee.
He's negotiating a contract with Del Cooper.
Del Cooper to the stand.
I'm sorry, you want...
Del Cooper.
I know he can hear me, he's in the control room.
Ah. See? Here he comes.
Hey, Hal, uh, Your Honor,
look, I'm really needed in the control room right now.
If this is a TV show, yes.
But if this is a court, no.
Step up here, Del.
If I take the stand, then I'm breaking the fourth wall,
and we don't want to do that.
Nobody's breaking any walls.
Sit down in the chair, and let her ask whatever she wants.
Mr. Cooper, you had a conversation
with Judge Wackner prior to this trial, didn't you?
- Objection. - You were part of that conversation,
- Mr. Cord. - So were you.
Exactly. So we all have to be honest here.
Mr. Cooper, you encouraged Judge Wackner
to take this Joey Battle case, didn't you?
I have to object, Your Honor.
This court is entitled to adjudicate any dispute...
Where are you going with this, Marissa?
Mr. Cooper, you hoped to rehabilitate
Joey Battle's career, isn't that right?
So you could put him back on your streaming site
for a stand-up you're recording in St. Louis in 14 days?
No.
I thought it would be good for this show.
This show?
This show, meaning Wackner's court?
- This is a mistake, Marissa. - Is it?
Aren't we just here to discover the truth, Your Honor?
You have something to say to me, just say it.
Have you prejudged this case?
Are you questioning my integrity?
I'm asking if you pre...
No, goddamn it!
You will answer my question before you ask me yours.
If you've already decided how this case will end,
Your Honor, if we're here to give Del
the ending he wants for his TV show
and to make you rich and famous, then, yes,
- I am questioning your integrity. - Put the cameras on.
You pack up your things and you get the fuck out of here.
The women who have trusted this court deserve representation.
Well, you should've thought of that
before you ran off your fucking mouth.
Now, you get the hell out of my courtroom!
Wow.
Oh, my God.
It happened last night.
Security doesn't know how they got in.
Of course they don't.
They suggest we call the cops.
We're gonna have to paint.
I called building maintenance.
- They say we may have to wait. - What? Why?
'Cause we're cop killers.
Liz, Diane...
I think you might want to see
what Ted Willoughby's been saying lately.
I think we get the idea, Julius.
No, this is something else.
The man who gave his life to protect his fellow citizens
is dead, but that's not enough for the two lawyers
spitting on his grave.
The militant Elizabeth Reddick,
daughter of a disgraced civil rights leader,
and liberal looney tune Diane Lockhart.
If the name Diane Lockhart sounds familiar to you,
that may be because of my colleague
Duke Roscoe's discovery.
He outed her 11 years ago as a closeted lesbian.
Diane Lockhart is technically married,
but to a man we rarely see. Why is that?
Could it be that she has something more in common
with someone else?
Someone she works with?
She and Liz Reddick appear to be inseparable.
Is Liz Reddick
Diane Lockhart's new lover?
I'm just asking questions. There's no way to know for sure,
because Diane Lockhart and Liz Reddick won't tell us.
These two lipstick lawyers
want the jury to believe their eyes
when they look at fuzzy cell phone videos.
Why don't they want us to believe our eyes
when we look at them?
So...
When do I get to meet your son?
I don't know.
Are we that serious?
I don't know. You tell me.
How's Diane?
Mm-hmm.
So, you're telling me, I have nothing to worry about?
Okay, Diane and I,
- we go a long way back. - Mm-hmm.
All right? We didn't become lovers until after
Trump was elected. It was a very experimental thing.
Yeah, so, uh... This is a bit, right?
- Yeah, you'll never know. - Mm-hmm.
I have ways of making you talk.
Shit.
Yeah, it's me.
No.
No, no, no. You tell him "no".
I-I don't care if it's contractual.
All right? I'm coming down right now.
Who was that?
That is my secret lover.
- Huh? - My, uh, latest reality star.
- Yeah. - Come here.
Mm.
Are you questioning my integrity?
- I'm asking if you've pre... - No, goddamn it!
You will answer my question before you ask me yours.
If you've already decided
how this case will end, Your Honor,
if we're here to give Del the ending he wants
for his TV show, and to make you rich and famous,
then yes, I am questioning your integrity.
You pack up your things, and you get the...
Hey, hey, hey, man.
- Judge. - Hmm?
Look...
you lost your temper. Okay?
It's no big deal.
I'm Pol Pot.
- I'm Ceausescu. - No. No.
Man, look.
One of the biggest moments in reality TV history
was Tyra Banks losing her shit on America's Top Model.
She had a meltdown. Meltdowns are good TV.
Pick up, Marissa. Pick up.
Come on. Come on.
Pick up.
I'm here.
Hey...
I want you to come back to court.
I want you to finish your cases.
Why?
Because I made a mistake.
I was an asshole.
You were right.
Do you want me to apologize?
I will.
Yeah, actually, I do.
I'm sorry.
I was biased.
I won't be when you come back.
I'm taking this seriously, Your Honor.
I know you are.
That's why I want you back.
You got to finish it.
Thank you. Come in.
Uh, hey. Thank you for stopping by.
Um...
I...
I've been worried that I was insensitive,
and I wanted to get a gut check from both of you.
Sure, Your Honor. What is it?
I've been watching the two of you throughout the case,
and I realized, after what I heard last night,
that, uh, your discomfort...
made sense to me.
If my wife and I ever tried to work together,
our relationship wouldn't last
ten minutes.
So, yeah, more power to you.
I just... I'm a great friend of the LGBTQ,
uh, plus, you know, community.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Yeah, um...
Yeah, actually, you know what?
Your Honor, there is, there is something that you could...
could settle for us.
Oh, great. Certainly. Yeah.
One of the jurors, uh, the one from the church?
Uh, I think she's noticed how close we are together.
And, uh...
I-I hope you don't mind me saying this.
No, it's been on my mind as well. She did...
She did see us out in the hall...
- Yeah. - ...together.
Yeah, and, uh, uh, we're just worried
that our relationship may have played into her bias.
It would just be good to be certain.
Don't you think, darling?
So, you go ahead and ask your questions.
Show what a terrible person I am.
I guarantee you, I already know, so does everyone else.
Yeah, that's sort of your schtick,
saying how awful you are.
My schtick? No, it's the, the voices in my head.
No. Oof.
I'm an asshole. Good one.
Seems like you feel pretty sorry for yourself.
I do? I'm sorry.
But you don't feel sorry for how you treat other people.
Is that a question?
You want to make it in this business? Be ruthless.
The only thing that matters is your material.
Other people, they're not real.
You can't worry about their feelings.
The minute you care...
comedy dies.
"Other people are not real."
That was four years ago. I'm a different person.
Two nights ago, you did a set at 2:00 a.m.
at The Side Room downtown.
I-I was testing out some material.
Trying some stuff out.
So there's all these stupid women out there
who are going around saying, "Oh, he did awful things to me."
Which just makes it harder, in this day and age,
for me to convince other women to let me do awful things
to them, which I want to do because
I'm a male human being!
You'd think people would understand that by now,
but they seem to be completely hung up on the whole...
"doing awful things" aspect.
Is that the new you?
No.
That is... Look.
Comedy, it's, um...
I do bits.
It's a mercurial, kind of...
They're not real. It's not, you know, it's...
What you got to look at is they're just a whatchamacall...
Like a... Ah.
The time has come.
I am ready to rule.
Henrietta, you were born free,
and I return you to your natural state.
What does that mean?
It means you may go.
What you did falls under the category
of "awful but lawful".
And we here at the Circuit Court of 9 3/4
are not in the business of regulating manners.
So, goodbye.
Your Honor, that's actually not what I want.
It isn't?
What does that mean?
It would help me get my job back
if the school knew I was being punished.
You want to be punished?
Yes, please.
It's the only way I can be uncanceled.
If they know the canceling was satisfied.
I have only one word for that...
Oy.
But sure. I penalize you to, um...
cleaning the school bathrooms for a week.
- Thank you, Your Honor. - Anytime.
Good luck.
And now Joey Battle.
Yes, Your Honor. Yes.
Joey, as you can see, the score really isn't in your favor.
I understand you want your career back.
You are a funny man.
It takes hard work to get funny.
Maybe you think that's enough.
But you haven't done anything for the women you hurt.
You haven't made amends.
Your Honor, I...
I brought my checkbook.
You're a rich man, Joey. I think everyone here
knows the minute you go back to work,
you'll earn back your fine in no time.
Your Honor, everybody deserves a second chance.
You know the expression, "doing your time"?
Your Honor, I haven't worked a major venue in over a year.
How much time do you want me to take?
Doing time means more than taking time.
It means serving your sentence.
Going to prison.
You want to come back? Okay.
First, you got to do your time.
Three-week sentence.
June.
- Yes? - Please.
Come. Here you go.
Go ahead. Cuff him.
Is this some kind of a metaphor or something?
- Like an adult time-out? - Yes, Joey.
That's exactly what prison is, an adult time-out.
You keep saying pri... Uh, this is a joke, though, right?
June. I said cuff him.
Now.
Your Honor, you can't just send him...
W-What prison are you talking about?
There is no prison.
Oh, boy, there is.
This court's benefactor owns a private prison company.
He's offered us a wing in one of his bankrupted institutions.
Lucky you, Joey.
You're the first person I'm sending there.
Oh, my God.
June, he harmed you.
Go ahead. Cuff him.
You're going to escort him to his cell.
In this court, you get to see
the person you're sending away, eye to eye.
Hey, Your Honor.
Let's, uh... let's make it two weeks, okay?
I know. You have your stand-up in St. Louis.
Three weeks.
Recess,
then we have the Exxon Mobile case.
This is really happening, isn't it?
It sure looks like it.
Turn around.
June...
I'm sorry.
You're forgiven.
Good afternoon, ladies.
Thanks for coming in on short notice.
I hear there's been a lot of tension between you two.
No, everything's fine.
Oh, good to know.
Well, Human Resources needs you two to sign these.
A love contract?
Yes.
When employees embark on a relationship,
it's policy for us to confirm, in writing,
that the relationship is consensual.
We in H.R. just want to avoid problems later.
Sometimes romances don't work out.
Good.
Good. I hope you two patch things up.
This is the first step.