Okay, so I asked around, and it's true.
Zephra is shifting
most of Cloud 9's business online, so...
they're gonna be closing some stores.
Some? Oh.
Okay, well, I mean, what's some?
- Like, four? - Three or four. Exactly.
Well, that's not bad. I like our chances.
No, it's bad, guys.
They're closing most of the stores.
The number I heard was 95%.
What?
So we're, like, screwed?
Maybe not.
I'm gonna try to get this store picked
as one of the survivors.
I'm still figuring out what that process looks like but,
guys...
we're not gonna go down without a fight.
Wait, aren't you supposed to be the liaison to Cloud 9?
I mean, not a great sign that they didn't clue you in.
I'm doing great, Dina.
Some people invited me
to a concert in the park last week.
That's a free concert, Amy. That's not an invite.
That's like telling someone where the bathroom is.
You're really belly-flopping out there, huh?
I am not belly-flopping.
Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com
Okay, everybody calm down.
They're gonna keep some stores open,
and Amy's gonna do everything she can
to make sure we're one of them,
so there's no need to freak out about this.
That's easy for you to say. You make manager money.
The rest of us, we need this job.
Mm-hmm. Well, except Carol.
Oh, 'cause of my settlement?
Hey, I still need this job to keep me grounded.
Seems to be working so far.
Hey, okay, guys, come on.
Obviously, Jonah's got some ideas.
We haven't even let him talk.
Jonah?
I mean, I'm not sure
that there's anything that we can do.
I'm just trying to be realistic.
I mean, we've been flattened by these guys
over and over.
I just...
Yeah, I don't know what to say
Uh, hey, I'm not sure that's an idea
so much as a downer, so maybe next time
just don't stop the meeting if you don't have anything.
Yeah...
my bad.
Must be nice.
Thinking about buying the fancy vacuum cleaner
with the ball thingy
like it's just a regular vacuum cleaner with no ball thingy.
Yeah, and she bought a Dustbuster yesterday.
She's just rubbing it in our faces.
You guys are missing the headline here.
The store closing could ruin my life.
It's not really a Powerball jackpot for any of us.
Yeah, but you guys are citizens.
You can get any job you want.
I need to start thinking of a backup plan.
Tony's looking for someone to feed his sharks.
The trick is you have to wiggle the food in the water
to make it look alive.
Okay, so "food wiggler" is the job to beat.
Maybe we should just all ask Carol for money.
I mean, I guess it's possible
she might need a personal assistant.
Maybe. You think she'd be cool
with paying you cash under the table?
Of course; That's how
all rich people pay their immigrants.
I bet Dianne Wiest hasn't paid a payroll tax
in her entire life.
And I feel bad because everybody's looking at me
like, "What can we do?"
Yeah, that's hard, 'cause in this case, what can you do?
- It's done. - Yeah.
I mean, you know,
it's not done yet, you know.
Really?
Well, I mean, we don't have to jump to done.
5% isn't a good chance, but it's... it's a chance.
You know, that's what? The odds are what?
- 5%. - 5... yes, 5%,
and no, but seriously, and we've got somebody
from corporate on the inside who's pushing for us.
Yeah, and that's really great,
but I don't know if pushing matters to a big corporation.
I mean, decisions like this
involve months of planning, so...
Yeah, but I... but, I mean, you know,
nothing's final yet.
- Yeah, I guess. - I mean, we have to do something.
We're not just gonna... we're just gonna give up?
No, we're not, so...
It's really... it's smelly out here today, huh?
That's your subject change?
Yeah, well, you know, you use what you have.
Carol, congrats on the settlement.
Oh, thank you,
but it was never really about the money.
It was about the attention.
Either way, well-deserved.
Hey, listen, do you want a latte?
I accidentally put vanilla in it, and then I thought,
"That's how Carol likes it!"
Wow, I can't believe you remember that.
What can I say? I'm very detail-orientated.
Of course, now you can buy all the lattes you want.
You'll need 'em. You'll be busy now.
Social engagements, travel planning...
I guess that's why wealthy people
get personal assistants, huh?
Oh, I don't know if I need a personal assistant.
I like to be hands-on with everything in my life...
especially the men.
Am I right?
You are right...
and I love it.
Look, Jeff, I'm really sorry you're in a pickle,
but I just... I can't buy a Subaru right now.
Uh, the reason I'm calling, that little flood incident,
how much did you report to corporate?
And did they ever...
Uh, I'm gonna call you back.
That'd actually be pretty sick.
- Mm. - Yeah, so now
I'm really stoked to get the vaccine.
Hi.
- It's good to... - What are you do... I didn't...
How... sorry. Sorry, what?
What are you doing here?
You didn't know?
Oh. Oh, God.
Cheyenne, I thought you were gonna tell him I was coming.
Yeah, I was going to,
but I figured it would be awkward.
Oh, well, I'm glad we avoided that.
I know Amy being back is a very big deal, so as her best friend,
I'm just going to put to rest any possible questions
so we can save time.
Yes, California is warm.
No, Zephra does not have those egg-shaped nap pods.
Yes, she is roughly the same weight as when she left,
and, yes, Parker is still frail and practically translucent.
No, actually, Parker is thriving in California.
He loves it. Both kids do.
And so do I...
But I am happy to see all of you.
Okay, Amy, you heard me. There's no time.
Then why did you bring up my weight?
You doing okay, bud?
Me? Yeah, no. I'm... yeah, I'm good.
I'm... I'm great.
Cool.
So Zephra is sending an analyst today
to do a walk-through.
I thought I would get here before her,
help you whip the store into shape
so that they pick us.
I mean you. Question.
What does this mean for you and Jonah?
- No, this isn't about... - No, we're not...
that's not what we're here for.
Yeah, Sandra. Besides, it doesn't matter.
Jonah's seeing someone.
Oh, well, that's great for Jonah.
- It's none of my business. - It's my lawyer,
and she's a redhead, so safe bet is,
she's, like, the filthiest freak in the world.
- Jonah, no! - I'm begging you all, please stop.
Also, Amy, you should know,
Kelly came back, although nothing happened.
Why should she know that?
Oh, and he also asked Nia out, but she's a lesbian.
At least, that's what she told him.
No, I am a lesbian.
Doesn't matter. He's all about Amy now.
Okay, guys, I get that this is really interesting,
but come on, we're trying to save our store here.
So why don't we split into two meetings?
Yeah, do you want to take the store-saving one,
and I'll take the Jonah-Amy one?
- No. - See, this is why
we have two managers.
I call Dina's meeting.
Okay, how about zero meetings?
And dishwasher pods are two-for-one
while supplies last, so get 'em while you can.
Meaning they might sell out,
not that the store's... uh, please hold.
Don't worry, Jonah and Amy will figure something out.
They always do.
Yeah, totally.
Hey, did she say hi to you?
Yeah, why?
Oh, no, it's nothing. It's just that...
I don't think she said hi to me yet.
She said hi to everyone this morning.
No, she said, "Hi, everyone."
Okay, so I'm just supposed to share a hello with Elias?
Nah, dude, I'm 40 years old.
I think she's just a little preoccupied.
Yeah, right, of course.
I mean, I'm kidding.
It would be funny if I cared, though, right?
Right.
Okay, so they wouldn't be sending someone
all the way out here if it was just about sales.
I mean, my guess is they're looking at soft factors,
like aesthetics and customer experience.
Oh, boy, you think they're gonna be looking at the Quincy store?
We're up against the Quincy Cloud 9,
the jewel of St. Louis?
The whole place is so clean and beautiful,
and they got the skylight and the fresh-cut flowers,
and their customers are so pleasant to look at.
I mean, not one of them makes you wince when you see them.
How do they do that?
Yeah, we do seem to have a high wince factor.
I mean, I think that, just for today,
it would be okay to turn away
some of our more colorful clientele.
No weirdos, no uggos. I'm on it.
Well, wait, I'm gonna go with you,
'cause weirdos have feelings too.
You're right. I should be more sensitive.
I gotta remember, I've got a cousin that's a weirdo.
Is it gonna be okay to...
leave you two alone together?
- We'll be fine. - All good, Dina.
It just might be awkward, because...
Okay, thanks, Dina.
- She's still got it. - Yeah.
Look, I'm sorry that I just sprung myself on you like this.
Oh.
Yeah, we don't need to...
it was nice that you came to help,
but let's just do the store today, okay?
- Yeah, yeah. Of course. Cool. - Okay.
So if we're gonna be putting our best foot forward,
should we just be sending our worst employees home?
Well, I'm worried
that if you start pulling that thread, pretty soon...
Yeah, no sweater.
Yeah.
Sorry, Puppet Mike, you can't come in today.
This is discrimination!
No, no, no, it's just... it's a no-freaks day.
- You understand. - Tell you what.
Come back tomorrow,
and you'll both get a cup of coffee on me.
Go [bleep] yourself!
Chef Luigi!
Okay, listen up.
The Zephra analyst will be here this afternoon.
Our only chance of survival
is if she believes that this is the best Cloud 9 around.
We have to be the perfect store.
Uh...
Is the analyst Glenn?
'Cause if not, that's a tough sell.
Well, we'll do what we can.
We'll make it more homey
with... with nice smells and... and nice sounds,
and we could throw some flowers at her.
Don't actually throw them.
Just put them places.
It's just, how hard is it to say hi?
It's barely even a word.
Wow. Those smell great.
How much?
Oh, they're not for sale.
They're not even shaped into cookies.
It's just a mound.
How much for the mound?
- That one's yours. - Oh, wow. Hi.
Who are you?
Our greeters for today.
Dina said everyone at Quincy was hot,
so this is Dido and Bax.
- Yo. - Hi.
- Oh, his shirt comes off if you want. - Nope.
Ugh, Carol, you shouldn't be doing this.
Let me assist you.
- Really? - Yes.
Happy to be of assistance.
Like an assistant.
This is nice, huh?
- Yeah. - I mean, it's, you know... it's nicer.
Yeah, we did what we could.
- Yeah. - You know, so who knows?
Maybe we got a shot.
Oh, my God, it's... oh, my God, oh, my God.
Okay, Justine, calm down.
No, that's the right reaction.
There's, like, eight severed feet in there.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.
Okay, I gave Justine a muscle relaxer
and put her in her car. She keeps mumbling about feet,
but that's not a forever thing, I don't think.
This is horrible.
I mean, we've had severed feet before,
but just a sprinkling, you know, once in a while.
It's okay. We know the drill.
I'll call Curtis at the police station.
He's our go-to for any recovered body parts.
Now, hang on, hang on.
Before we turn this into a full-on crime scene,
what if, hypothetically, we didn't find this bag of feet
until after the Zephra analyst left?
Do you mean just, like, ignore the bag
of gross, dead feet in the middle of the floor?
I mean, it would be safer to move it to the back.
Safer for who?
The foot slicer you're suddenly trying to aid and abet?
Yeah, Dina, you got me. I'm in on it.
I just happened to show up in the store
the day a bag of feet was discovered, and...
okay, that sounds more plausible than I...
- I'm not in on it! - Look.
We can delay calling them in, but we are not moving it, okay?
That's called evidence tampering.
It's a criminal offense.
Okay, fine.
We won't move it.
This looks completely natural.
Just a drink display in the bedding section.
Obviously, the bag of feet stays between us
until we can call it in.
Yeah, just real quick.
I did mention it to Mateo.
A bag full of feet?
Mateo, I told you not to tell.
I only told these two.
Also, I texted Eric, and he told his work,
but that's it.
This is so not a big deal, okay?
I mean, of course, it is for the victims' families,
or, who knows, maybe there's no victims.
You know, maybe it's just a med school prankster.
Or a grave robber or morgue bandit.
Let's just stop guessing and not tell anybody else.
Yeah, and don't worry that God is gonna be mad
or hold us in judgement.
We're doing the right thing,
or at least we will be in a few hours
when we stop doing this.
Welcome to Cloud 9.
Ooh, Dido just texted.
The analyst is here.
Okay, it's go time.
Janet's outside on freak watch.
Glenn, you guard the duffel bag and keep tall people away.
I'm gonna cover Megan,
and Amy's gonna coordinate from the back.
Exactly, because Megan and I
have been in work meetings together,
so she knows what I look like.
Mm, does she?
Or do you just know what she looks like?
Doesn't always go both ways.
She knows who I am, Dina.
Great. Up top.
Come on.
Hi. Hey.
Uh, can I help you with anything, or...
I think I'm okay. Thanks, though.
Cool, no problem. Yeah.
We're all about customer service here,
so anything you need...
Yeah, where are your candles?
They're just, uh, right over there.
Anyways, you need something, let me know.
- Can you just show me? - Sorry, sir, if you just
walk in that direction, you'll find them.
So... uh, I'm kidding, of course.
I'm gonna take you to them because that's what I do.
- Right this way. - Thanks.
So what are they like?
Candles?
Elias, stop staring at her.
Oh, can somebody get a U-boat over to aisle four
so she doesn't trip over that wonky floor tile?
Hey.
I thought you might want a snack
since you're stuck back here.
So you thought I was gonna eat five bags of Doritos?
No, I just wanted to give you flavor options.
I'll put the rest of them back.
No, I don't want to make more work for you.
Thank you. Very thoughtful.
Hey, it really means a lot that you came back here
even knowing you'd have to deal with the Jonah of it all.
Yeah, well, I mean,
it's less weird than I thought it would be.
It's actually kinda nice.
I mean, it's nice to see everybody.
Anyway, so you're really not with Garrett?
Oh, he wishes.
Yeah, he's obsessed with me.
I'll take pity on him. We go to the odd dinner.
I spend, like, three nights a week at his house.
We take weekend trips.
He loves it. It's pathetic.
What is she doing?
She's calling someone.
She's calling me.
Why is she calling me?
Okay, I'm gonna call her back from the office.
Hey, do you want...
Yeah. That's what I thought.
Hey, sorry to make you hop on a call.
Oh, please. Come on.
We are in a pandemic, girl.
I'm either talking to you or my houseplants.
Don't you have two children?
I do. Yeah, I do.
Uh, so what's up?
Well, I was looking at the store schematics,
and the café and pharmacy are complete flipped.
Just wanna make sure you sent the right ones.
Oh, yeah, actually, when the tornado happened...
Hey, you know, I think it's really messed up
that you came all the way back here
and you haven't even said hi to me.
I'm so sorry, Megan,
my neighbor just barged in.
That work-from-home life, am I right?
Also, you left your trash cans in my driveway.
Whoa, was that just an earthquake?
Nope. False alarm.
You never do know out here in California.
Sorry, sir, I'm gonna have to ask you
to step back a few feet.
I mean yards. Yards, you know.
Forget what I said about feet.
Just forget it.
You good, Glenn?
No, I'm not good.
Tell me, how do you think he removed them?
Do you think maybe they just fell off like acorns?
You know what, buddy? Maybe.
Feet!
- No, no, Marcus! - Shh!
No, you don't understand,
there's a bunch of [bleep] feet here.
I just came to move these out of bedding,
'cause, like, why are there drinks here?
And then boom! Six [bleep] severed feet!
Well, it's eight, but it's fine.
Just calm down, and we'll explain everything.
I'm sorry, did you just say "severed feet"?
Yeah, but we're pretty sure they just fell off like acorns.
Why are you guys acting like this is normal?
It's [bleep] sick! There's eight feet in a duffel bag!
Wow, that's crazy.
Yeah, I don't remember that,
but "Lost" did get pretty weird at the end.
Ah, this is so disgusting and scary.
This is what I'll think about
every time I come into the store.
Marcus! Stop.
We can't let a bag of feet
be her last impression of the store.
I know.
I'd go talk to her, but I only know who she is because of you.
She'd know that you were helping us.
Oh, I could slash her tires
to keep her here longer.
Huh, I don't know what car is hers,
so I guess I could just do them all.
- Um, thanks, Chey, but maybe not yet. - Okay.
Hey, guys, we'd love to get an employee's thoughts on all of this.
Would any of you be willing to do an interview?
- No, we're not gonna do that. - Uh...
It'll just take a minute.
Actually, yeah, I... I will.
So I cleaned out all the old Filet-O-Fish boxes
from your trunk, except for the one labeled "private,"
which I will neither judge nor ask questions about.
Mateo, thank you.
You know what? You've convinced me.
- You're hired. - Oh, thank God.
I mean, I really hope we save this place,
but it's starting to give off a real "portal to hell" vibe.
- Mm. - How about 25 an hour?
Sure.
So that means I can hire you for about eight hours total.
Does next Tuesday work for you?
Just one day?
I was thinking it would be more of a full-time thing,
you know, just so I could eat and stuff.
I don't have that kind of money.
What? You just got a huge settlement.
Yeah, I thought so, too,
but when you add up lawyer fees and taxes
and all my texts they discovered
about wanting to get injured here,
it ended up only being about 20 thou.
Anyway, I'm gonna try
to get Cheyenne's friend to take his shirt off.
You do that.
Today, a new chapter
in one of St. Louis's darkest stories.
A duffel bag filled with eight severed human feet
has turned up inside
the Ozark Highlands Cloud 9 store.
One employee has agreed to tell us what he knows.
Jonah, this is not the first time
feet have been found here.
In fact, the internet has already dubbed this store
Toe-zark Highlands.
Is that... is that so?
That's the first I'm hearing of it.
Why do you think he or she...
but let's be honest, he... sees your store
as an ideal dumping ground?
Uh, well, Natalie, he probably likes it
for the same reason everybody else does, you know.
Our fast and friendly service, our convenient parking,
- and our strong sense of community. - I see.
I don't think he answered her question.
Yeah, it's a tough pivot.
This is the first time
multiple feet have been delivered at once.
Do you believe this is some sort of
gruesome final event?
I don't know why you think
I would have anything useful to say on that front,
um, but you know what's never final?
Any purchase that you make here.
Let me... let me tell you about our return policy.
So you're not concerned this is hurting business?
I might think twice about shopping at this store.
Okay, yeah, a lot of feet turn up here.
I'm sorry we're not literally perfect, Natalie.
Yikes.
We just... we... we keep trying to show everybody that
we're the perfect store, and the truth is we're not.
Okay? We're... we're just us,
but we're here every single day.
When it rains, when it snows, when it... when it tornadoes,
when there's a plague and you're all safe at home,
except for when you come here to cough,
we're here just... just trying to get you what you need,
and... and all we want is to keep doing that.
Emotions running high here,
preventing people from staying on topic.
Back to you, Skip.
That was great.
Really?
- Yeah. - You guys,
she's heading out.
Okay.
Wait, Amy, no, what are you... she can't know that you're...
Megan.
Yep, that's right.
I've been here the whole time.
Amy Sosa.
Oh, right.
I'm sorry, I didn't know what you looked like.
- Don't tell Dina. - Never.
Wait, why are you here?
Look, um...
I know that the foot thing is bad.
I'm not trying to say that it's not,
but you can't close this store.
You just... you can't.
I... I don't have a good reason why,
but these people are my family.
I... I... I grew up here.
I spent half of my life...
Amy, we're not closing this one.
What?
Really?
It has great square footage, nice and central.
It'll make a perfect fulfillment center.
- A fulfillment center? - Mm-hmm.
So it's not gonna be a store anymore?
Well what about everybody's jobs?
Well, I'm sure they'll keep a handful of people but...
No, you can't just do this to us
Well, Amy. You'll keep your job.
No I won't.
'Cause I quit.
_
Can I help you with something?
Oh, hi.
Um, it's Amy.
We met, like, a month ago.
I thought I'd show up on the last day
and surprise everybody.
That's so nice.
What's the surprise?
Um, just me.
Oh, I thought it would be, like, doughnuts or something.
Amy, it's so good to see you!
Sandra, hi!
Hi! What are you doing here?
I wanted to see everybody one last time.
So you're back from California.
That's so great.
Don't worry.
You and Eric can stay in my house
as long as you need.
Thank God. Love you. So glad you're back.
Welcome home.
Thank you.
It's good to be home.
Amy!
- Glenn, hi. - I am so happy to see you.
I wasn't gonna not say goodbye.
We are so short-staffed today.
- No, I wasn't planning on... - Just tell you what.
- Grab a vest in the back. - I've got something I gotta...
- We're super light in Grocery. - But the thing is, I had a...
Just do whatever you can do.
My God, this is like God sent me a literal angel.
Like I said, welcome home.
Attention, shoppers.
It's the final day of our liquidation sale
before the doors close for good.
Our selection's fairly picked over,
but the following items are still available:
Irregular ladies' golf shoes size 14 and above,
grape-scented laundry detergent,
and the VHS box set of "Sweet Valley High."
What'll Jessica and Elizabeth get into next?
Buy 'em while you can, or else wait a day and
fish 'em out of our dumpster.
There she is,
back in the blue.
Like I never left. Hey, I heard the news.
Congratulations,
Miss Fulfillment Center Manager.
- I haven't told anyone yet. - Oh.
As soon as it gets out,
everyone's gonna start asking me for a job,
and Zephra's already filled most of the openings.
I can only keep five people,
and it is tougher than I thought it would be.
So there's no one you want to take with you?
No, actually, everyone has their strengths.
You know, Marcus has warehouse experience.
Janet's good under pressure.
Jonah's smart, but I don't even know if he's staying in town
- since him and Hannah broke up. - What?
- They broke up? - Yeah.
Uh, why? Why?
I hadn't heard that. Why did they break up?
You know, I'm not sure.
Why are you so interested?
Because it's interesting.
I mean, all kinds of things are interesting.
You know, lots of things are interesting
if you really think about it.
Uh-huh.
So...
retirement, huh?
Got any big plans?
Yeah, I think I might finally
watch "The Queen's Gambit."
Okay, so that's...
seven episodes.
What else?
Well, I hadn't really thought much beyond that.
Gosh, I guess there's gonna be a lot of hours
to fill, huh?
Yeah, yeah, but that's a good thing, right, Glenn?
I mean, I'm sure you've got hobbies.
No, 'cause work is all I've ever known, Jonah.
I mean, I started at my dad's hardware store
when I was eight,
and before that, I worked at the tollbooth.
Glenn, I'm sure you're gonna be fine.
There's gotta be something that you can do.
Well, what if I got a 500-piece puzzle?
That'd take up some time, right?
Some.
What, you want me to get a 1,000-piece puzzle?
How much table space do you think I have, Jonah?
Yeah, we could, like, you know... get it...
Smart time to buy a new washer.
Oh, actually, Bo wants to buy them all.
- Oh. - Yeah, get 'em for mad cheap,
then resell them to the suckers,
make that scrilla.
What if you can't sell 'em?
Then I open up a laundromat.
Come on, man, think.
Use those glasses.
Well, I guess you have more of a plan than I do
since I'm basically unhirable now.
Mm, plight of the undocumented, man,
and yet the 1% and whatnots.
You always know what to say.
Well, you can always come over to our place
and do your laundry.
Thanks, Chey.
For a price that is reasonable.
Why is this not... what the...
Well, well, well...
Little Miss Corporate spent so much time
at her cushy desk job,
she forgot how a scanner works.
No, I did not. I just... I think this one's broken.
I'm messing with you. I'm messing with you.
They switched us over to CCDs. Here, look.
You have to press these two buttons at the same time,
and you've gotta get it closer
than you did with the lasers.
Got it. Thank you for the pro tip.
You know, it's always nice
when a, uh, working stiff like me
can help out a fancy dame, you know?
You know, I still have no idea
what that accent is,
and I think it's gotten worse.
Oh, oh, come on, now.
I'm a little rusty, you know?
I haven't done it in a New York minute.
Maybe the accent goes away with the store.
Speaking of which,
what are your plans
in a post-Cloud 9 world?
Uh, well, I mean,
I'll grieve, obviously,
for the obligatory 90 days.
Obviously. Me too.
- Full veil and everything. - Yeah, for sure.
And then, yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
I got a lot to figure out, you know,
like, am I gonna move back to Chicago or...
Oh.
I mean, just that Chicago has all that wind,
and Hannah's here.
Oh, we broke up.
What? Oh, no.
- I'm so sorry. - It's fine.
No, it's... I mean, we only dated for, like, a month.
Oh, man, that is not long enough.
Well, I had no idea that you two had broken up.
Yes, you did.
I told you they broke up, like, ten minutes ago.
No, you didn't.
Oh.
No, I didn't tell you that.
It was the other Latina employee,
and you all look the same to me
because I'm a racist,
so that's something I should probably work on.
She still thinks Sandra's Latina.
Oh, what about boxing as a hobby?
You look great in silk shorts.
I know, but I'm just uncomfortable with the punching.
Well, yeah, there's a lot of punching in it.
Well, what about, uh, fishing?
A lot of retired people like that.
What would be the point? I can't eat the fish.
His throat's a bone magnet.
You know, Mateo, it's funny.
You're undocumented, and I'm over 60,
and America doesn't want either of us to work anymore.
Right, but...
I'm under constant fear of deportation,
and you get discounts at movie theaters, so...
Not new releases.
Wow, must be awful to live in terror of spoilers.
Excuse me.
Ooh, what about grilling?
That could be fun.
Okay, Jerusha, no offense,
but you are spiraling right now.
Yeah, I'm hoping I can get another
floor supervisor job.
I just bought a ton of clipboards.
What about you, Ames?
Have you thought about what you want to do next?
I mean, I have some interviews lined up.
Turns out, once you've been an executive,
it's kind of easy to stay an executive.
- Nice. - Hmm.
Hey, so, um...
how upset was Jonah
when I left?
Oh, I'd say...
- pretty upset. - Pretty upset.
On a scale of 1 to 10, like...
9.5.
Solid 9.5.
That makes... that makes sense.
You're not thinking about getting back
on that merry-go-round, are you?
Is this, like a,
"you break it, you bought it" situation?
Dina, it's not like that.
No, it's just,
once I got out to California,
everything just felt...
And...
I don't know, I think I...
I think I made a mistake not marrying Jonah.
Ya think?
I just... I can't anymore.
She's been pretty upset too.
Garrett, for the contact list,
- you wrote email@email.email. - Oh, really?
You too cool to keep in touch with everybody?
I'm just being realistic, man.
Look, we work together,
and now we're gonna go work with other people.
I'd rather skip the part where we email for a week
trying to plan some fictional group trip.
But we are doing a group trip.
It's either gonna be Kansas City
or Tokyo.
Buddy, we're not making it to Applebee's,
and we work down the street from Applebee's.
Ugh, love Applebee's.
Okay, any five.
Doesn't matter who.
Let's see.
Here we go.
Oh, oh, God, no.
Nope, not gonna work. All right.
Hey.
So I've been meaning to tell you, uh,
"The Americans" is really good.
- You watched it. - I did.
I mean, I watched basically everything.
You know, pandemic.
I kept wanting to text you, but...
Well, I'm glad you liked it.
And, um...
the other thing that I've been wanting to tell you
is that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for the way I left.
It was...
selfish and awful and...
Hey, I... we... I don't...
look, you don't have to apologize to me
for not wanting to marry me.
No!
It wasn't even about that.
I just... I think that, like,
my brain short-circuited.
You know, suddenly I had all these options
for the first time in my life, and I was like,
"Yay, I get to decide what I want,
but wait, like, how do I decide what I want?"
Yeah, welcome to the world of privilege.
It's very hard on this side of things.
Why didn't you warn me?
Don't know.
Look, Jonah,
I didn't know what I wanted,
but I know now, and...
Amy, I'm happy that you figured it out.
I really, really am.
But I'm not just...
I don't know, I'm not just something you can schedule
for whenever you're free, you know?
I'm sorry, but I just...
I don't know what I want anymore.
Okay.
Um, if you figure it out...
Let me know.
Excuse me. Um, where would I find nutmeg?
Nutmeg? Well, that's aisle 12,
- right over there. - Aisle 12.
Okay, thank you so much for your help.
- You're so welcome. - Uh...
the coronavirus.
- Okay. - Have a heavenly day.
Okay, thanks, okay.
You a big spice guy?
That man might be my last customer ever.
It's so sad.
Yeah, we're all...
I'm gonna miss this.
You know, I thought I had
a few more good years left in me.
You know, my dad,
he worked at our hardware store till he was 80.
I thought I'd do the same, but...
it's just so unfair.
Glenn!
If you don't want to retire, then don't.
No one's making you stop working.
Hey, Mat...
Hey, everyone!
I'm not gonna retire.
Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna get a new job
or maybe even reopen Sturgis & Sons Hardware,
though I-I have to check with Jerusha,
because, you know, it's a very big commitment.
I think it's a great idea!
Hey, guys, good news.
Jerusha's in.
You okay?
Oh.
I'm the new fulfillment center manager,
but I can only keep five employees,
and I can't make up my mind.
When I have a tough decision to make,
I like to spend a Sunday on the bus.
Pack a little lunch, and just bus on it.
Ah, Sandra, I can't get sucked
into your bleak life, okay?
Zephra needs a list now.
Okay.
Done.
Yeah, that's it.
Why the "AM" next to your name?
'Cause I'm your assistant manager.
If that's okay with you.
I don't want to be presumptuous.
No, you're in.
I was going for, like, a...
cool, badass moment.
- Yeah, I got that. - Good.
Yeah, you don't need to do...
okay, you did. All right.
This is probably the last time
I'm ever gonna clean up slushie vomit.
Oh, can you take a picture?
No. What?
Look, I don't get it.
We work in a big, dumb, ugly store,
and everybody's acting like they're Jordan
walking off the court for the last time.
Aw,
your last slushie vomit.
- Come on. - Look at this.
I was cleaning out my office, and I found
these old tapes of everyone's job interviews.
- Ooh. - Wait, I don't remember...
did you secretly record our job interviews?
Yeah, but, you know,
just so I'd have proof in case
someone accused me of not hiring them
unless they did me sexual favors.
I mean, Pastor Craig was falsely accused
30 times by women and men.
Testing. Jesus seizes cheeses.
Jesus seizes cheeses.
I don't know if I've ever seen her videos.
Hi, you must be Amy.
- Damn, Amy, you were hot. - Thank you.
- Boner alert. - Dude, she's a teenager.
Yeah, but I was a teenager then, too,
so it's not weird.
So glad I came back for this.
- Yeah. - Um, once you've worked here
for a year, it starts to get good.
Oh, um, thank you so much, but actually,
I'm going to college in the fall,
so I'm only planning to be here a few months.
205 months, to be exact.
Oh, young Amy,
with your big, big dreams and your tiny, tiny pores.
They were so tiny.
- Sorry. - No, please, go ahead.
Oh, my God.
You worked at The Spaghetti Factory?
I go there all the time.
Wait a minute, I know you.
Fettuccine Alfredo, side of grilled cheese,
three glasses of juice.
- That's incredible. - Yeah.
Aw, you guys used to get along.
I also worked in the bird department at Petco.
Oh. God, you know, I don't get how people
can keep birds as pets.
They're disgusting.
- Rats with feathers. - Uh-huh.
Let's move on.
Okay, well, um...
Hey, here's what you need to know about Garrett McNeill.
Oh, my God.
That guy's handsome.
Am I hard on myself?
Sure,
but I call it taking the job seriously.
- Wow. - What?
I give a good interview. What can I say?
Why do you want to work at Cloud 9?
Um, actually, I already work here.
You hired me two weeks ago.
I don't think so.
I think I'd remember that.
You gave me one of these.
I'm so sorry.
It's just that you've got
such a forgettable face, you know?
- I know. - I think you'd make a great spy, though.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
And so we were in line at Claire's...
- Oh, my goodness. - Oh!
My purple hair thingy.
Corona was like, "You eat it."
And I was like, "Nah, girl, that is narsty."
You eat it."
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is our current floor supervisor.
I know, right? Life is nuts.
I don't know if I should say anything,
but there's a Scott Baio wannabe waiting outside,
and I heard him tell his meth dealer
- that he just wants to rob the place. - Hey, um,
when the store closes,
do you want to... keep hangin' and bangin',
like, as my boyfriend?
Yeah.
- Yeah. - Okay. Cool.
Tell me more about you.
I just want to say
that if you give me the chance,
I will work harder
than anyone you know.
I will literally dig through concrete with my bare hands
until they're bloody stumps
and I have to do stuff with my feet.
You know, I could use a hard worker
like that at Sturgis & Sons.
Really?
Thank you.
Should we do, like, denim or leather aprons?
Denim, right, like, a raw denim?
Okay. I love it. I love it.
It's more my color.
Jonah Simms.
Wow, you have had a lot of jobs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I worked at a consulting firm for a few months
and then an ad agency for six weeks.
I sold gym memberships.
I was a barista, a tour guide.
I went to business school for a semester,
but now I'm just at a place in my life
where I really want to change.
You know, I just want to spend a couple months
just not using my brain.
- Whoa! - Boo!
All right, yeah, I know. I get it. I know.
I can't listen to myself either,
so enjoy.
All right, all right.
- Use your brain? - No, no, I mean,
it's not just that.
It's... you know,
when you think about it, a store like this
is actually pretty incredible, you know?
You help people do their homework
and find their styles
and feed their grandchildren.
You know, there's magic in that.
I don't know, people always talk about going out
and finding something special,
but, you know, maybe we don't have to look that hard.
You know, maybe everything is special.
How many jobs have you had?
What?
Not including paper routes and babysitting or whatever,
how many actual jobs?
Too many to count. 20, 30?
Yeah, you never stick with anything.
Except this.
You've been here six years. Why?
I don't know. It's a good job.
No, it's not. It's a terrible job.
It's not that bad.
Jonah, why did you stay here?
Why do you think, Amy?
You know, when I first met you,
I thought you were the most annoying person I'd ever met,
with your "moments of beauty,"
"seize the day" crap
like you'd watched "Dead Poets Society" too many times.
Shows what you know.
You can't watch "Dead Poets Society" too many times.
I hated how cheesy you were.
I hated how woke you were.
I hated how often you used the word "artisan."
But most of all, I hated how you believed
that life could be better than it was.
And yet here we are.
And my life is so much better than it was...
because of you.
And I...
I screwed it all up.
I know that.
But you waited six years for me,
so if I have to wait an...
I'm sorry, it's just, you were talking so much.
I didn't know what to do.
Excuse me. Hi.
Does the "cup" in "menstrual cup"
refer to, like, the shape
or the volume?
Have to say,
I always thought when they shut this place down,
it would be because of something you did.
Me too.
Hey.
Take care of the old gal, will you?
I will.
Attention, shoppers.
Please bring your final purchases up to checkout,
'cause this store is about to close forever.
On behalf of everyone here at Cloud 9,
I'd just like to say...
buh-bye.
Sorry, that shouldn't be the last thing I say.
20... years of announcements.
I mean, I'm not a sentimental guy.
That's not my thing.
But it did just occur to me that this is...
this is the end.
I mean, don't get me wrong. It's a job.
If jobs were fun, they wouldn't pay us to do it.
But occasionally there were moments that...
weren't so bad.
And for whatever reason,
those are...
the only things I can remember right now.
You know, most jobs suck
99% of the time.
So you really...
really gotta enjoy those moments that don't...
Are we Sturgis & Friends?
No!
Those bits of fun you have during downtime...
- Are we Sturgis & Sons? - Yes!
All right, let's get to work.
Or an interesting conversation
with a coworker...
- For the lab. - Boom!
Or something happens
that you can laugh about later...
Oh, that's a picture of my honeymoon.
Sorry about that.
Or you do something
that you're actually proud of.
Looking great, guys. Keep up the good work.
If you're lucky, maybe you even get to be friends
with a coworker or two along the way.
Not sure what else you could want in a job.
- How did you do this? - With my mouth!
- Oh, my God. Look at that. - I know.
Love you.
- They're asleep. - Both of them?
- Yeah. - Nice.
At any rate...
thank you for shopping with us.
Cloud 9 is now closed.