1
00:00:02,845 --> 00:00:05,240
What the hell are we doing
here on a Tuesday afternoon?
2
00:00:05,241 --> 00:00:08,837
The only customer we had was
Earl and he forgot he works here
3
00:00:08,838 --> 00:00:10,215
and ordered lunch.
4
00:00:10,353 --> 00:00:12,596
First of all, you are
forgetting the pack of dogs
5
00:00:12,597 --> 00:00:15,413
that wandered in, had an orgy, and left.
6
00:00:15,763 --> 00:00:17,431
Probably easy for me to forget 'cause
7
00:00:17,432 --> 00:00:20,200
I wasn't the one they
tried to have sex with.
8
00:00:20,201 --> 00:00:22,803
And we still have to work
here because our dessert bar's
9
00:00:22,804 --> 00:00:25,105
only been open a week; we need income.
10
00:00:25,106 --> 00:00:27,708
I don't like working in the daytime.
11
00:00:27,709 --> 00:00:31,211
You can see freaky things in this light.
12
00:00:31,212 --> 00:00:33,580
Look, there's an ant carrying a stool.
13
00:00:33,581 --> 00:00:37,150
Look, there's a waitress
carrying nothing.
14
00:00:37,151 --> 00:00:39,553
Wow, Han, you have new-stool money?
15
00:00:39,554 --> 00:00:43,724
Are you in Forbes' "40 Under 4 Feet?"
16
00:00:43,725 --> 00:00:46,994
I didn't buy this. Lady
Luck threw me a bone.
17
00:00:46,995 --> 00:00:50,130
I'm sure she hated
herself in the morning.
18
00:00:50,131 --> 00:00:52,833
A beloved old man in
my building passed away,
19
00:00:52,834 --> 00:00:55,202
and after the neighbors
paid our solemn respects,
20
00:00:55,203 --> 00:00:56,803
we cleaned the dump out.
21
00:00:56,804 --> 00:00:59,439
Han, that is so disrespectful.
22
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,908
We didn't get a text?
23
00:01:01,909 --> 00:01:04,611
Ooh, I forgot my sweet
hemorrhoid doughnut I scored.
24
00:01:04,612 --> 00:01:07,881
You don't need hemorrhoids to enjoy it.
25
00:01:07,882 --> 00:01:09,483
Hemorrhoid doughnut.
26
00:01:09,484 --> 00:01:12,986
All of the comfort and
none of the calories.
27
00:01:12,987 --> 00:01:16,089
Ooh! A new stool.
28
00:01:16,090 --> 00:01:19,393
2005 is shaping up to be a great year.
29
00:01:19,394 --> 00:01:21,361
That's Han's stool.
30
00:01:21,362 --> 00:01:24,131
Well, Han's stool just
bought a one-way ticket
31
00:01:24,132 --> 00:01:26,833
to Earl's butt.
32
00:01:26,834 --> 00:01:29,069
This the saddest episode
of Game of Thrones
33
00:01:29,070 --> 00:01:30,837
I've ever seen.
34
00:01:30,838 --> 00:01:33,840
Still, I'm rooting for the dwarf.
35
00:01:37,578 --> 00:01:43,947
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
36
00:01:48,850 --> 00:01:52,729
Tonight, we are hitting the
chic-est spot in Williamsburg
37
00:01:52,730 --> 00:01:54,297
to poach their chic-est patrons.
38
00:01:54,298 --> 00:01:56,666
If we start out with a cool clientele,
39
00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,235
models, gays,
40
00:01:58,236 --> 00:02:01,738
rich guys that want to have
sex with models and gays,
41
00:02:01,739 --> 00:02:04,340
we'll be an in-spot
for at least five years.
42
00:02:05,909 --> 00:02:07,978
Were you talking to me that whole time?
43
00:02:07,979 --> 00:02:09,741
Who else would I be talking to?
44
00:02:09,742 --> 00:02:10,766
You're the only one here.
45
00:02:10,767 --> 00:02:12,115
Oh.
46
00:02:12,116 --> 00:02:13,216
That was a Randy giggle.
47
00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:15,819
And that's Randy's penis.
48
00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:19,089
Not all of it. It's
a pretty small screen.
49
00:02:19,090 --> 00:02:21,491
Yeah, we decided to
continue our nonexclusive,
50
00:02:21,492 --> 00:02:24,561
long-distance, sexting thing.
51
00:02:24,562 --> 00:02:27,130
Is that the Oxford English
Dictionary definition?
52
00:02:27,131 --> 00:02:31,067
If Oxford likes to get
naked and squat over a phone.
53
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:33,470
But your girl's running
out of sexting ideas.
54
00:02:33,471 --> 00:02:35,839
There's only four emojis
that look like penises.
55
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,174
Five if you count the corn on the cob.
56
00:02:38,175 --> 00:02:40,176
Don't ruin the corn on the cob for me.
57
00:02:40,177 --> 00:02:43,013
I use that for barbecues
and farmers markets.
58
00:02:43,014 --> 00:02:46,416
That's what you were talking about?
59
00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:49,452
I've just been adding "in
my pants" to everything.
60
00:02:51,122 --> 00:02:53,990
"What do you think about climate change
61
00:02:53,991 --> 00:02:55,592
in my pants?"
62
00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:58,328
Come on, I need you focused tonight.
63
00:02:58,329 --> 00:02:59,696
No more sexting.
64
00:02:59,697 --> 00:03:01,788
Just put it away and
tell him to do the same.
65
00:03:01,789 --> 00:03:04,167
All right, let me just
find the eggplant emoji
66
00:03:04,168 --> 00:03:05,969
and, of course, the pants.
67
00:03:11,641 --> 00:03:13,276
Hey, girls.
68
00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:17,283
Oh, do you need a hand there, Soph...
69
00:03:17,284 --> 00:03:18,784
I can do it!
70
00:03:20,550 --> 00:03:23,720
Sophie, why the enormous
old-timey stroller?
71
00:03:23,721 --> 00:03:25,055
There better be a cartoon baby
72
00:03:25,056 --> 00:03:27,090
dressed like Al Capone in that thing.
73
00:03:27,091 --> 00:03:28,725
Hey, girls,
74
00:03:28,726 --> 00:03:32,963
can Barbara and me
stay down here tonight?
75
00:03:32,964 --> 00:03:35,131
Oleg and I can't have
sex for two more weeks
76
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:37,367
and it's just getting
too steamy up there.
77
00:03:37,368 --> 00:03:40,236
So, that explains the heavy panting
78
00:03:40,237 --> 00:03:43,039
we're hearing through our
ceiling, our walls, and
79
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,375
most disturbing of all, our drain.
80
00:03:45,376 --> 00:03:47,609
I gotta pee.
81
00:03:48,878 --> 00:03:51,081
I gotta go all the time now.
82
00:03:51,082 --> 00:03:52,716
You know, that's
something that you girls
83
00:03:52,717 --> 00:03:54,718
need to know about me.
84
00:03:54,719 --> 00:03:56,853
Any time that we talk,
85
00:03:56,854 --> 00:03:58,821
I'm peeing a little bit.
86
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:02,991
Uh... yeah.
87
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,664
Oh.
88
00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:11,601
There's daddy's little jock block.
89
00:04:11,602 --> 00:04:15,005
I tried to release my sexual
frustration creatively,
90
00:04:15,006 --> 00:04:16,539
but my erotic poetry
91
00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:19,009
was rejected by National Pornographic
92
00:04:19,010 --> 00:04:22,645
for being, quote, "just disgusting."
93
00:04:22,646 --> 00:04:24,814
My sexts are so lame.
94
00:04:24,815 --> 00:04:26,616
Why can't I be disgusting?
95
00:04:26,617 --> 00:04:29,719
There's a burrito stuck to
the side of your dresser.
96
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:30,652
You're there.
97
00:04:33,757 --> 00:04:35,825
"Can't wait for you to put your butt
98
00:04:35,826 --> 00:04:37,727
"on top of... my butt
99
00:04:37,728 --> 00:04:40,263
in my pants"?
100
00:04:40,264 --> 00:04:42,866
Jeez, thanks for the nice
break from being horny.
101
00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:46,036
I am not proud of how not slutty it is.
102
00:04:46,037 --> 00:04:48,571
Now, give me back my phone.
It hasn't had its shots.
103
00:04:48,572 --> 00:04:51,141
- Sent.
- What?
104
00:04:51,142 --> 00:04:54,577
"Your testicles are two
glistening Cadbury Eggs,
105
00:04:54,578 --> 00:04:57,579
and Mama's got a sweet tooth."
106
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,717
This mama's got puke in her mouth.
107
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:04,287
I cannot believe you'd send
something so disgusting.
108
00:05:04,288 --> 00:05:05,791
You are dead to m...
109
00:05:05,792 --> 00:05:07,190
He likes it!
110
00:05:07,191 --> 00:05:08,858
You want to turn a man on?
111
00:05:08,859 --> 00:05:10,359
Heh, you call Oleg.
112
00:05:21,771 --> 00:05:23,807
I hope it doesn't make
you too jealous, but
113
00:05:23,808 --> 00:05:27,811
I was just sexting with Randy.
114
00:05:27,812 --> 00:05:28,912
Yeah?
115
00:05:28,913 --> 00:05:32,315
- Yeah?
- Oh...
116
00:05:35,453 --> 00:05:37,353
Caroline, get the hose.
117
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:43,960
Okay, now remember, we're
targeting models, gays,
118
00:05:43,961 --> 00:05:46,830
and upwardly mobile millennials
with discretionary income.
119
00:05:46,831 --> 00:05:49,099
Basically anyone better than us.
120
00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:50,700
Were you talking to me that whole time?
121
00:05:50,701 --> 00:05:52,524
And yes, I was talking
to you that whole time.
122
00:05:52,525 --> 00:05:53,638
IDs, please?
123
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,607
You know they don't force you to use
124
00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:58,741
the first picture they take.
125
00:05:58,742 --> 00:06:01,176
I'm eating a pickle in mine.
126
00:06:02,512 --> 00:06:05,181
I think you look great.
127
00:06:05,182 --> 00:06:07,183
Hi, I'm Jake.
128
00:06:07,184 --> 00:06:08,618
Hi, Jake.
129
00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:09,953
ID, Jake?
130
00:06:09,954 --> 00:06:11,354
He's about 27,
131
00:06:11,355 --> 00:06:13,189
lots of discresh income?
132
00:06:13,190 --> 00:06:15,325
27 exactly.
133
00:06:15,326 --> 00:06:18,328
Guess my weight and
I'll buy you a drink.
134
00:06:18,329 --> 00:06:22,365
So, um, how do you maintain
such a dork-less clientele?
135
00:06:22,366 --> 00:06:24,534
I need to know 'cause I
have a roommate situation.
136
00:06:24,535 --> 00:06:26,435
Watch and learn, pickles.
137
00:06:27,837 --> 00:06:29,005
Oh, sweet,
138
00:06:29,006 --> 00:06:31,741
I found Carmen Sandiego.
139
00:06:31,742 --> 00:06:33,805
I don't know where in the
world you're going, buddy,
140
00:06:33,806 --> 00:06:36,012
but it ain't in here.
141
00:06:39,015 --> 00:06:40,650
Oh, you got this.
142
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:42,485
But do not let the guy in the overalls
143
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:46,156
get out of here without me
calling him "Farmer Yawn."
144
00:06:46,157 --> 00:06:48,124
Max, I am killing it.
145
00:06:48,125 --> 00:06:49,893
Jake, you've met.
146
00:06:49,894 --> 00:06:52,795
Nahani and Ariel are models.
They can eat whatever they want.
147
00:06:52,796 --> 00:06:54,164
♪ Hate them ♪
148
00:06:54,165 --> 00:06:55,565
And then, this is Tad
149
00:06:55,566 --> 00:06:56,699
and Jameson, they're gay.
150
00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:58,401
I perform reenactments
151
00:06:58,402 --> 00:07:02,238
of the life and tragic death
of Amy Winehouse with Barbies.
152
00:07:02,239 --> 00:07:04,574
I work at Staples.
153
00:07:04,575 --> 00:07:07,576
Oh, power couple.
154
00:07:14,872 --> 00:07:17,274
None of New York's elite
are here, besides me.
155
00:07:17,275 --> 00:07:20,978
I guess I'm not going
backstage at Barbie Winehouse.
156
00:07:20,979 --> 00:07:23,659
You tried to make them come to this bar
157
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,344
and they said, "No, no, no."
158
00:07:26,117 --> 00:07:29,126
My gay guys at 12:00.
159
00:07:29,127 --> 00:07:30,661
I spoke too soon.
160
00:07:30,662 --> 00:07:32,162
And you spat a little.
161
00:07:32,163 --> 00:07:33,931
Tad! Jameson!
162
00:07:33,932 --> 00:07:35,966
Welcome to the M and C Dessert Bar.
163
00:07:35,967 --> 00:07:38,269
No, you're not dreaming!
164
00:07:38,270 --> 00:07:41,005
If they were, we'd be shirtless dudes.
165
00:07:41,006 --> 00:07:42,673
This place is fabulous.
166
00:07:42,674 --> 00:07:44,975
Can I have one of these
cookie dough-tinis?
167
00:07:44,976 --> 00:07:46,243
It's my cheat night,
168
00:07:46,244 --> 00:07:48,244
that's why I'm with him.
169
00:07:54,118 --> 00:07:56,086
Hmm, not sure who these gals are.
170
00:07:56,087 --> 00:07:59,890
Max, did you talk about
this place at Pep Boys?
171
00:07:59,891 --> 00:08:02,859
I told Manny and Moe, but
I didn't say a word to Jack.
172
00:08:04,728 --> 00:08:06,730
Oh, Tad. Let me get you another one.
173
00:08:06,731 --> 00:08:07,731
It's fine, it's fine.
174
00:08:07,732 --> 00:08:08,999
- It is?
- No.
175
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,833
That's gay for "we're leaving."
176
00:08:14,405 --> 00:08:16,707
They chased off my hot gay guys.
177
00:08:16,708 --> 00:08:18,042
I don't want to be rude here,
178
00:08:18,043 --> 00:08:20,911
but who invited these horrible women?
179
00:08:20,912 --> 00:08:23,280
Charlene's in the house!
180
00:08:24,783 --> 00:08:26,984
And there it is. Damn it, Max.
181
00:08:26,985 --> 00:08:28,466
Why did you invite your bouncer buddy
182
00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:30,250
when you know I'm trying
to cultivate a vibe?
183
00:08:30,251 --> 00:08:31,889
I didn't invite her.
184
00:08:31,890 --> 00:08:33,958
And I did not think she'd
be wearing gym shorts
185
00:08:33,959 --> 00:08:35,459
and a SUNY Albany sweatshirt.
186
00:08:35,460 --> 00:08:37,294
Hey, I know you guys were trying
187
00:08:37,295 --> 00:08:38,529
to get the cool crowd in here,
188
00:08:38,530 --> 00:08:39,863
so, you know,
189
00:08:39,864 --> 00:08:41,665
boom!
190
00:08:41,666 --> 00:08:43,767
And where are they? The cool people?
191
00:08:43,768 --> 00:08:44,802
All right. Take it easy.
192
00:08:44,803 --> 00:08:46,203
Maybe they are cool.
193
00:08:46,204 --> 00:08:48,204
Is that one eating a PB and J?
194
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,442
All right!
195
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:54,378
Who wants to take on Big Reba?
196
00:08:54,379 --> 00:08:55,813
Take on how?
197
00:08:55,814 --> 00:08:57,247
Max, you speak Goon.
198
00:08:57,248 --> 00:08:59,883
How? How... how?
199
00:08:59,884 --> 00:09:01,285
Not fluently.
200
00:09:01,286 --> 00:09:03,487
I only lived in Goon for a semester.
201
00:09:03,488 --> 00:09:04,888
You're on.
202
00:09:04,889 --> 00:09:06,156
On how?
203
00:09:06,157 --> 00:09:07,156
How... how?
204
00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:11,528
Oh good, they brought rope.
205
00:09:11,529 --> 00:09:14,765
I hope they brought some for me too.
206
00:09:14,766 --> 00:09:17,635
And they did not bring deodorant.
207
00:09:17,636 --> 00:09:19,103
Ladies, what is this
208
00:09:19,104 --> 00:09:21,505
and how can we make it stop?
209
00:09:21,506 --> 00:09:24,041
You got a front row seat
to New York City's elite
210
00:09:24,042 --> 00:09:25,809
underground ladies' arm wrestling.
211
00:09:25,810 --> 00:09:29,580
One, two, three,
212
00:09:29,581 --> 00:09:30,781
wrestle!
213
00:09:37,655 --> 00:09:38,789
Oh, my God.
214
00:09:38,790 --> 00:09:41,959
I own an arm wrestling bar.
215
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,027
No, you don't.
216
00:09:43,028 --> 00:09:44,762
We own an arm wrestling bar!
217
00:09:49,701 --> 00:09:51,635
I hope you're texting
Charlene and the rest of
218
00:09:51,636 --> 00:09:56,473
her WWE Raw crowd to
never come back to our bar.
219
00:09:56,474 --> 00:09:58,776
Uh, you were sobbing
and begging them to stop.
220
00:09:58,777 --> 00:10:00,310
I think she got the message.
221
00:10:00,311 --> 00:10:02,413
I don't know if she was listening.
222
00:10:02,414 --> 00:10:05,616
She was carrying Big Reba
around on her shoulders.
223
00:10:05,617 --> 00:10:07,184
This is pitiful.
224
00:10:07,185 --> 00:10:09,653
I just sexted Randy a
picture of a penguin.
225
00:10:09,654 --> 00:10:12,823
I don't even think
penguins are that sexy!
226
00:10:12,824 --> 00:10:16,060
Oh, my God. Everything is turning me on.
227
00:10:16,061 --> 00:10:18,328
I just walked in on an
elderly lady in the bathroom
228
00:10:18,329 --> 00:10:20,931
and almost lost my mind.
229
00:10:20,932 --> 00:10:22,533
What were you doing in the ladies' room?
230
00:10:22,534 --> 00:10:24,634
All right, fine, it was a man.
231
00:10:26,070 --> 00:10:27,805
Yeah, we all have problems.
232
00:10:27,806 --> 00:10:29,540
I have sexter's block.
233
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:31,909
Want me to take a stab at it?
234
00:10:31,910 --> 00:10:34,578
See, that's already better
than anything I have.
235
00:10:34,579 --> 00:10:35,882
Just write it down. I don't want
236
00:10:35,883 --> 00:10:37,681
your fingerprints on my phone.
237
00:10:37,682 --> 00:10:39,749
You think I still have fingerprints?
238
00:10:41,251 --> 00:10:42,586
Oh, my God.
239
00:10:42,587 --> 00:10:44,788
Are you really gonna
have sext with Oleg?
240
00:10:44,789 --> 00:10:46,757
I don't know why you
think I'm above this.
241
00:10:46,758 --> 00:10:49,460
Out of the way. Earl's looking for me.
242
00:10:49,461 --> 00:10:51,495
And as soon as he realizes he's outside,
243
00:10:51,496 --> 00:10:53,130
I'm in big trouble.
244
00:10:53,131 --> 00:10:55,699
Can you unfollow a person in real life?
245
00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:58,836
Where would he least
expect me to hide this?
246
00:10:58,837 --> 00:11:00,704
Up high?
247
00:11:00,705 --> 00:11:03,574
"Shorty wouldn't go
high," Earl would say.
248
00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:05,976
Oh, won't I, Earl?
249
00:11:05,977 --> 00:11:08,212
Han, you're talking to yourself.
250
00:11:08,213 --> 00:11:11,014
And why don't you
just buy another stool?
251
00:11:11,015 --> 00:11:12,950
Earl wants this one.
252
00:11:12,951 --> 00:11:15,552
And for once in his life, he's
not gonna get what he wants!
253
00:11:15,553 --> 00:11:19,089
I'll just keep it under here
till he forgets about it.
254
00:11:19,090 --> 00:11:20,791
Which should be in about an hour.
255
00:11:20,792 --> 00:11:24,194
Yesterday I caught him putting
pennies on his sandwich.
256
00:11:24,195 --> 00:11:26,596
Hide and seek, old timer.
257
00:11:28,165 --> 00:11:29,800
I don't know how it's possible,
258
00:11:29,801 --> 00:11:31,969
but he's getting weirder.
259
00:11:31,970 --> 00:11:34,671
Those wrestlers won't be
back tonight, right, Max?
260
00:11:34,672 --> 00:11:37,107
Right, God? Are you there, God?
261
00:11:37,108 --> 00:11:41,078
It's me, Caroline, the
one you forgot about?
262
00:11:41,079 --> 00:11:43,579
Where'd that turd hide my stool?
263
00:11:48,285 --> 00:11:49,419
Thanks, y'all.
264
00:11:49,420 --> 00:11:51,787
I knew Shorty wouldn't go high.
265
00:11:54,424 --> 00:11:55,859
Oleg, how you doing over there?
266
00:11:55,860 --> 00:11:58,828
You're gonna need a bigger data plan.
267
00:12:03,835 --> 00:12:06,103
Max, it's been two nights in a row.
268
00:12:06,104 --> 00:12:07,938
If we don't nip this in the bud,
269
00:12:07,939 --> 00:12:10,674
we're both gonna be lady
arm wrestlers' girlfriends.
270
00:12:10,675 --> 00:12:12,543
You're not exactly thriving
271
00:12:12,544 --> 00:12:15,212
not being a lady arm
wrestler's girlfriend.
272
00:12:15,213 --> 00:12:16,814
And I don't see what the problem is.
273
00:12:16,815 --> 00:12:18,115
They're paying customers.
274
00:12:18,116 --> 00:12:19,916
They're drinking beer.
275
00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:25,255
From a helmet they brought with them.
276
00:12:25,256 --> 00:12:26,857
Oh, no, no, no, no.
277
00:12:26,858 --> 00:12:30,527
Don't go, don't go. Please, please, sir.
278
00:12:30,528 --> 00:12:32,963
Well, the last of our vibe is leaving.
279
00:12:32,964 --> 00:12:35,765
Pretty sure all these ladies have vibes.
280
00:12:37,467 --> 00:12:39,570
Guessing vintage plug-ins.
281
00:12:39,571 --> 00:12:41,705
That's it. Everybody!
282
00:12:41,706 --> 00:12:43,340
Everybody!
283
00:12:43,341 --> 00:12:46,443
You cannot have your arm
wrestling meetings here anymore.
284
00:12:46,444 --> 00:12:48,278
Find a dock or a junkyard
285
00:12:48,279 --> 00:12:51,582
or a Buffalo Wild Wings.
286
00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:53,317
Who wants to drink where they work?
287
00:12:53,318 --> 00:12:56,286
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
288
00:12:56,287 --> 00:12:58,088
This is discrimination.
289
00:12:58,089 --> 00:13:00,157
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
290
00:13:00,158 --> 00:13:03,560
Look, miss, I am extremely pro-lesbian.
291
00:13:04,562 --> 00:13:07,297
Please be lesbians.
292
00:13:07,298 --> 00:13:08,966
We're not lesbians.
293
00:13:08,967 --> 00:13:11,000
Ooh, swing and a miss.
294
00:13:12,502 --> 00:13:14,738
Actually, I am.
295
00:13:14,739 --> 00:13:17,074
That's the first time I've
said that out loud, isn't it?
296
00:13:17,075 --> 00:13:20,110
Wow, that's freeing.
297
00:13:20,111 --> 00:13:23,547
I am just anti-arm
wrestling in my dessert bar.
298
00:13:23,548 --> 00:13:25,048
Well, tough ta-tas.
299
00:13:25,049 --> 00:13:27,317
Which happens to be my other nickname.
300
00:13:27,318 --> 00:13:29,218
Go ahead, take a shot.
301
00:13:30,387 --> 00:13:32,155
I'll pass.
302
00:13:32,156 --> 00:13:33,624
Hold on, um,
303
00:13:33,625 --> 00:13:38,195
is that an open offer
on the, uh, ta-ta punch?
304
00:13:38,196 --> 00:13:40,430
Will you at least order some drinks?
305
00:13:40,431 --> 00:13:42,099
Okay, we'll order
306
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:43,333
12 waters.
307
00:13:43,334 --> 00:13:44,501
Tap.
308
00:13:46,404 --> 00:13:48,538
You guys, please, this is my dream.
309
00:13:48,539 --> 00:13:51,675
And my dream doesn't have
soda-stained sweatpants in it.
310
00:13:51,676 --> 00:13:55,045
It's jelly, but whatever.
311
00:13:55,046 --> 00:13:56,613
I'm a reasonable woman.
312
00:13:56,614 --> 00:13:58,982
Yes, that is true.
313
00:13:58,983 --> 00:14:01,919
She's more reasonable than the
Big Reba at the train station.
314
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:03,987
Fine, we'll leave.
315
00:14:03,988 --> 00:14:06,857
If one of you can beat me arm wrestling.
316
00:14:06,858 --> 00:14:09,126
But if neither of you can,
317
00:14:09,127 --> 00:14:10,928
my squad and I stay.
318
00:14:12,397 --> 00:14:15,132
Getting real '80s movie up in here.
319
00:14:15,133 --> 00:14:16,667
Huh? Who's it gonna be?
320
00:14:16,668 --> 00:14:18,635
It has to be you, Max. I'm weak,
321
00:14:18,636 --> 00:14:21,638
fragile, beautiful, but approachable.
322
00:14:21,639 --> 00:14:23,674
Ready to get taught
a lesson there, Jugsy?
323
00:14:23,675 --> 00:14:26,977
School's in session, Reebs.
324
00:14:26,978 --> 00:14:28,879
But call me Max.
325
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:30,813
Jugsy is my mother's name.
326
00:14:32,215 --> 00:14:33,784
Do it, Max.
327
00:14:33,785 --> 00:14:35,953
She is gonna take you down
328
00:14:35,954 --> 00:14:37,321
to downtown...
329
00:14:37,322 --> 00:14:38,221
Mmm.
330
00:14:38,222 --> 00:14:39,489
In a car,
331
00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:40,557
made of...
332
00:14:40,558 --> 00:14:43,093
pain.
333
00:14:43,094 --> 00:14:45,128
Maybe just watch.
334
00:14:45,129 --> 00:14:49,599
On my count. One, two, three, wrestle!
335
00:14:57,475 --> 00:14:59,509
Oh... oh!
336
00:14:59,510 --> 00:15:03,280
Wrist can't hold! Nothing in the tank!
337
00:15:03,281 --> 00:15:05,849
All the sexting!
338
00:15:05,850 --> 00:15:08,318
Fight, Max! Put your back into it!
339
00:15:08,319 --> 00:15:10,020
My back's shot too.
340
00:15:10,021 --> 00:15:11,254
Haven't you seen my front?
341
00:15:18,329 --> 00:15:21,298
We're staying, girls!
342
00:15:21,299 --> 00:15:22,499
Max, what are we gonna do?
343
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,134
I think it's pretty clear.
344
00:15:24,135 --> 00:15:26,003
You're gonna have to
arm wrestle Big Reba.
345
00:15:26,004 --> 00:15:28,437
Can't I just marry her?
346
00:15:35,579 --> 00:15:37,347
Come on now, Caroline, you got this.
347
00:15:37,348 --> 00:15:40,350
You've been wrestling with
disappointment for years.
348
00:15:40,351 --> 00:15:42,618
And I'm losing.
349
00:15:43,293 --> 00:15:44,493
On my count.
350
00:15:44,494 --> 00:15:47,364
One, two, three,
351
00:15:47,365 --> 00:15:48,198
wrestle!
352
00:15:51,369 --> 00:15:52,636
Ya'll seen the stool?
353
00:15:52,637 --> 00:15:54,304
Han hid it again.
354
00:15:54,305 --> 00:15:56,673
What in the sweet name of
Jesus is going on in here?
355
00:15:56,674 --> 00:15:58,942
Earl, I'm trying to motivate Caroline.
356
00:15:58,943 --> 00:16:00,686
Do you remember any of
the lines from Rocky?
357
00:16:00,687 --> 00:16:03,447
I'm gonna tell you what I
tell three tourists a day.
358
00:16:03,448 --> 00:16:06,216
I am not Carl Weathers.
359
00:16:06,217 --> 00:16:08,318
Max, I'm losing it!
360
00:16:08,319 --> 00:16:10,320
- Help that poor girl.
- Uh, Caroline,
361
00:16:10,321 --> 00:16:12,189
look at all these arm wrestling ladies
362
00:16:12,190 --> 00:16:13,657
in your dream dessert bar!
363
00:16:13,658 --> 00:16:15,993
You were aiming for five years of class,
364
00:16:15,994 --> 00:16:17,527
you didn't even get an hour!
365
00:16:20,898 --> 00:16:25,769
Hey, I can't get the
carriage in the dessert bar!
366
00:16:25,770 --> 00:16:29,873
The only place it would
fit was the car wash.
367
00:16:29,874 --> 00:16:31,675
Hey, what is all this?
368
00:16:31,676 --> 00:16:33,577
Caroline is trying win our bar back,
369
00:16:33,578 --> 00:16:34,945
and I'm trying to inspire her
370
00:16:34,946 --> 00:16:36,580
by pointing out how bad her life is.
371
00:16:36,581 --> 00:16:39,082
And I didn't get a text?
372
00:16:39,083 --> 00:16:40,784
Max, help!
373
00:16:40,785 --> 00:16:44,287
Uh... you haven't had sex in a year!
374
00:16:44,288 --> 00:16:47,324
And I think you know I'm
being quite generous there.
375
00:16:48,793 --> 00:16:51,962
It's working. She's lonely.
376
00:16:51,963 --> 00:16:55,165
You chased a dollar onto
the third rail of the subway,
377
00:16:55,166 --> 00:16:56,099
and you didn't get it!
378
00:16:59,470 --> 00:17:01,738
You work as a waitress in a diner!
379
00:17:04,642 --> 00:17:06,910
Did you mention the waitress thing?
380
00:17:06,911 --> 00:17:08,445
Yes, I just did, Earl.
381
00:17:08,446 --> 00:17:11,948
Sorry, things are getting
to me a little late.
382
00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:14,618
Wait, did... did you
tell her that baby Barbara
383
00:17:14,619 --> 00:17:16,253
is gonna get married before she is?
384
00:17:19,057 --> 00:17:20,257
Caroline,
385
00:17:20,258 --> 00:17:21,525
six years ago,
386
00:17:21,526 --> 00:17:23,260
you had a billion dollars,
387
00:17:23,261 --> 00:17:25,128
and now... I'm gonna say it...
388
00:17:25,129 --> 00:17:26,629
Say it!
389
00:17:28,398 --> 00:17:30,300
Old Navy is out of your price range!
390
00:17:40,311 --> 00:17:42,345
I haven't heard from Randy.
391
00:17:42,346 --> 00:17:45,916
Oleg's graphic sexts
must've freaked him out.
392
00:17:45,917 --> 00:17:49,285
Even Siri covered her eyes
after that last one I sent.
393
00:17:51,588 --> 00:17:53,523
You ask Michelangelo to paint,
394
00:17:53,524 --> 00:17:56,660
and then you criticize the painting.
395
00:17:56,661 --> 00:17:59,763
Why are you bringing the
Ninja Turtles into this?
396
00:17:59,764 --> 00:18:01,698
I just want to know what to do now.
397
00:18:01,699 --> 00:18:04,034
I completely understand if you don't
398
00:18:04,035 --> 00:18:07,671
want to take love advice from
an arm wrestling champion,
399
00:18:07,672 --> 00:18:11,108
but why don't you just
say "hi" or "I miss you"?
400
00:18:11,109 --> 00:18:14,478
"Hi, I miss you"?
401
00:18:14,479 --> 00:18:17,314
No "in my pants"?
402
00:18:17,315 --> 00:18:19,081
Okay, fine. I'll give it a shot.
403
00:18:20,684 --> 00:18:21,952
Hey everyb...
404
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:27,724
Damn it.
405
00:18:27,725 --> 00:18:29,126
Do you need a hand there, Sophie?
406
00:18:29,127 --> 00:18:31,126
No, I got it!
407
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:37,434
You really don't.
408
00:18:37,435 --> 00:18:40,470
Earl, you can have the stool.
409
00:18:40,471 --> 00:18:43,240
I've had a really hard year,
410
00:18:43,241 --> 00:18:45,108
and I allowed myself
this one indulgence.
411
00:18:45,109 --> 00:18:46,209
But, if it's important...
412
00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:48,812
Sweet, I'll take it.
413
00:18:48,813 --> 00:18:50,413
Oof! Cold as ice.
414
00:18:50,414 --> 00:18:52,983
I didn't come here to make friends.
415
00:18:52,984 --> 00:18:55,352
No stool for you.
416
00:18:55,353 --> 00:18:57,387
Hey... hey, why don't we settle this
417
00:18:57,388 --> 00:19:00,056
the 80s movie way and arm wrestle for it?
418
00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:03,226
At my age, only thing I
can beat is a little girl.
419
00:19:03,227 --> 00:19:04,793
So, yeah.
420
00:19:06,897 --> 00:19:09,099
Bring it on.
421
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:12,836
This little girl's
tougher than she looks.
422
00:19:12,837 --> 00:19:14,504
You won't be able
423
00:19:14,505 --> 00:19:16,773
to sit on that damn thing
after the ass whooping
424
00:19:16,774 --> 00:19:19,943
I'm about to lay on you, Shorty.
425
00:19:19,944 --> 00:19:23,280
Shorty's ass can take a lot, old man!
426
00:19:23,281 --> 00:19:25,882
We don't want to hear about
your personal life, Han.
427
00:19:25,883 --> 00:19:30,352
One, two, three, wrestle!
428
00:19:33,990 --> 00:19:36,660
Have they started yet?
429
00:19:36,661 --> 00:19:39,062
When this is over,
430
00:19:39,063 --> 00:19:41,598
I'm gonna be wiped out.
431
00:19:41,599 --> 00:19:44,734
You gonna help me carry
my stool back up there?
432
00:19:44,735 --> 00:19:46,670
Here's an idea.
433
00:19:46,671 --> 00:19:48,672
Yeah, you say it, Han!
434
00:19:48,673 --> 00:19:51,006
Burn in hell!
435
00:20:05,488 --> 00:20:09,024
Remember when I used to
make you moan like that?
436
00:20:16,366 --> 00:20:19,603
You really turn me on.
437
00:20:28,078 --> 00:20:31,214
Barbara, you stay with your daddy.
438
00:20:31,215 --> 00:20:34,049
He's a very sexy man.
439
00:20:36,253 --> 00:20:38,788
Randy texted me back "I miss you."
440
00:20:38,789 --> 00:20:40,657
Aw, that's so sweet.
441
00:20:40,658 --> 00:20:43,460
Oh! In his pants!
442
00:20:43,461 --> 00:20:45,996
Damn, Han,
443
00:20:45,997 --> 00:20:49,665
I didn't realize bad breath
was your secret weapon.
444
00:20:54,438 --> 00:20:57,674
Stool me, Shorty.
445
00:20:57,675 --> 00:20:59,909
Who am I wrestling for
the hemorrhoid doughnut?
446
00:21:03,758 --> 00:21:09,722
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