- Oh, Drake. - I'm sorry, Amber.
It's just like Brad to have to have the last word.
- I'm sorry I'm late. What happened? - We want to see the end.
- I want you, Drake. - I know you do.
But you and I can never be together that way.
- What? - There's something
I never told you, Amber.
I'm actually... your half-brother.
- [GASPING] - What?
Huh?
So, what happens next?
Well, I get the medical award for separating the Siamese twins.
Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramon.
And that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big...
but it's cursed.
- That's so cool. - God, that is good TV.
Sync by chocomoon www.addic7ed.com
{an8}♪ So no one told you life was going to be this way ♪
{an8}♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪
{an8}♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪
{an8}♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
{an8}♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪
{an8}♪ Your week, your month, or even your year ♪
{an8}♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
{an8}♪ When the rain starts to fall ♪
{an8}♪ I'll be there for you ♪
{an8}♪ Like I've been there before ♪
{an8}♪ I'll be there for you ♪
{an8}♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too ♪
{an8}- Pheebs, play with me. - No.
{an8}This game is grotesque.
{an8}Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar,
{an8}forced to play soccer forever? Ugh!
{an8}Hello? Human rights violation.
{an8}Don't feel so bad for them. After they're done playing,
{an8}I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.
{an8}Why don't you play with your roommate?
{an8}Eh, he's, uh...
{an8}he's not a big fan of foosball.
{an8}Uh-oh. Ooh. Are we not getting along with the new boy?
{an8}No, he's all right. He just, uh, spends most of his time in his room.
{an8}Maybe because you haven't taken time to get to know him.
{an8}Let's remedy that, shall we?
- We don't need to remedy that. - Oh, yeah, it'll be fun.
- What was that? - Hi.
Um, I thought it'd be fun if the three of us had some beers
and got to know each other.
- All right. That sounds all right. - Oh, good. Okay.
Oh, no, I have to go, because I'm late for my, um...
"Green Eggs and Ham" discussion group.
Um, tonight, it's "Why he would not eat them on a train."
- Have fun. Bye. - That was so lame.
I know, yeah, heh.
- Okay, talk to him. - Ahem.
So you, uh, think that Speed Racer guy gets a lot of tickets or...?
Ha-ha-ha. That's good. That's good. So who broke up with who?
You kidding? I broke up with her.
She actually thought Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia.
That's good, man.
When everybody knows that the, uh, capital of Cambodia...is...
is, uh...
- It's not Sean Penn. - Not Sean Penn.
All right, I got a funny one. All right?
My last girlfriend, Tilly, we're eating breakfast, right?
I made all these pancakes. There was, like, 50 pancakes.
All of a sudden, she turns to me and says, "Eddie,
I don't want to see you anymore." Ha, ha.
It was literally like she had reached into my chest,
ripped out my heart and smeared it all over my life.
Now, there's, like, this incredible abyss, and I'm falling,
and I keep falling, and I don't think I'm ever going to stop.
[MANAICAL LAUGHTER]
That wasn't such a funny story, was it?
♪ And a crusty old man Said I'll do what I can ♪
♪ And the rest of the rats Played maracas ♪
That's it. Thanks. Good night.
- Phoebe's got another job, right? - Heh.
- Great set tonight, Pheebs. - Yes.
I know.
- Well, we should probably get going. - Mm.
We should go, too. I've got patients at 8 in the morning.
You know how we always stay at your apartment?
I thought tonight we'd stay at my place.
I don't know. I don't have my jammies.
Heh.
Well, maybe you don't need them.
My baby sister, ladies and gentlemen.
Shut up. I'm happy.
Oh, this is so nice. All right, I have to make a speech.
Ahem. I just want to say
that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot,
- I like you the best. - Aw.
Oh, thank you, Pheebs. That's very sweet.
Did you hear that?
She likes me best. And, apparently, there have been a lot.
Not a lot.
Phoebe's kidding. Phoebe's crazy.
Phoebe's dead.
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm looking for Eddie Manoick.
Oh, uh, he's not here right now. I'm Chandler.
Can I take a message or... or a fish tank?
Thanks.
Come on in.
I'm Tilly.
Oh.
I gather by that "Oh," that he told you about me.
Yeah, your, uh, name came up
in a conversation that terrified me to my very soul.
He's kind of intense, huh?
Yes! Hey, can I ask you, is Eddie a little...?
- A little what? - Bit country?
Come on in, you roomie.
Hello, Tilly.
Eddie, I just came by to drop off your tank.
That was very thoughtful of you.
It was very thoughtful.
Well, okay then.
I'm going to go. Bye.
- Bye-bye. - Bye.
So, we getting a fish?
You had sex with her, didn't you?
Pheebs, check it out, check it out, check it out.
Oh, ooh, "Soap Opera Digest." That's one of my favorite digests.
- Page 42, page 42. - Okay, okay.
Okay. Ooh. Hey,
"New Doc on the Block, 'Days of Our Lives' Joey Tribbiani."
- Yeah. Yeah. - Oh, cool picture.
- Ah. - Ooh, I look good.
Hey, is this true? That you write a lot of your own lines?
Well, kind of, yeah.
Like, remember last week when Alex was in the accident?
The line in the script was:
"If we don't get this woman to a hospital, she's going to die."
But I made it, "If this woman doesn't get to a hospital,
she's not going to live." See?
Oh, okay, I see what you did there.
Aren't you afraid though that the writers
are going to be kind of mad when they read this?
Huh.
I never really thought about the writers. The scripts just kind of come to my house.
But you know what?
This makes me look good, which makes the show look good,
which makes the writers look good. So how could they be mad about that?
[KEYBOARD KEYS CLATTERING]
Makes up most of his own lines.
Son of a...
yeah, well, write this, jerkweed.
I fall down an elevator shaft?
What the hell does this mean? I fall down an elevator shaft?
Uh, I don't know. I just bring the scripts.
They can't kill me. I'm Francesca's long-lost son.
Right.
Uh, could you sign?
No! No way! I'm not signing that!
I don't think that's going to affect the plot of the show.
How can they do this to me?
All right, uh, I'm just going to go.
Sorry.
Well, it wasn't that many guys.
If you consider how many guys there actually are,
- it's a very small percentage. - Hey,
it's not that big a deal. I was just curious.
- Good night. - Good night, Richard.
Good luck, Mon.
All right, before I tell you, uh, why
don't you tell me how many women you've been with.
- Two. - Two? Two? Heh.
How is that possible? I mean,
have you seen you?
Well, I mean, what can I say?
I was married to Barbara for 30 years. She was my high school sweetheart.
Now you. That's two.
- Two it is. Heh. - Mm-hm.
Okay, time for bed. I'm going to go brush my teeth.
Whoa, whoa, no, wait a minute, now.
Come on, it's your turn.
Oh, come on.
You know, I don't need the actual number, just a ballpark.
Okay, it is definitely less than a ballpark.
Wow, I am so glad I'm not Monica right now.
Tell me about it.
So, what's your magic number?
Ahh...
Come on, you know everyone I've been with. All both of them.
Well, ahem, there's you...
Better not be doing these in order.
Okay, uh, Billy Dreskin... Pete Carney...
- Ah. - Barry...
and, uh...oh, Paolo.
Oh, yes, the weenie from Turini.
Oh, honey, are you jealous of Paolo?
Oh, come on, I'm so much happier with you than I ever was with him.
- Really? - Oh, please.
That Paolo thing was barely a relationship.
All it really was was just, you know, meaningless, animal sex.
Okay, you know, that sounded so much better in my head.
Eddie, I didn't sleep with your ex-girlfriend.
That's exactly what someone who slept with her would say.
This is nuts. This is crazy. She came over for, like, two minutes,
dropped off a fish tank and left...end of story.
- Where's Buddy? - Buddy?
My fish, Buddy.
There was no fish when she dropped it off.
Oh, this is unbelievable.
First, you sleep with my ex-girlfriend.
Then you insult my intelligence by lying about it,
then you kill my fish? My Buddy?
Hey, I didn't kill your fish.
Look, Eddie...
would you look at what I'm doing here?
Now that can't be smart.
So we're just going to take this guy right off you,
and put him here in Mr. Pocket.
Tangelo?
That's it? That's the giant number you were afraid to tell me?
- Well, yeah. - Well, that's not bad at all.
You had me thinking it was, like, a...fleet.
Are you really okay with it?
Oh, honey, I'm fine.
Oh, yay.
[SIGHING RELIEF]
Okay, about that two...
What?
All right.
What about my two?
Well, that just seems like a really small number.
Right.
- And...? - And, well...
don't you have a lot of wild oats to sow?
Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh, my God! Am I an oat?
Oh, honey, you are not an oat.
I...I mean, I don't know. I guess I'm just not...an oat guy.
I've only slept with women I've been in love with.
But you've only slept with two people.
[SIGHS]
Right.
Wow.
Oh, wow.
You know I love you, too, right?
[SIGHS] Now I do.
Oh, Ross...
Ross, please listen to me.
Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was.
You care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh...
If I make you laugh, here's an idea.
Why don't you invite Paolo over to have a little romp
in the sack, and I'll just stand in the corner
- and tell knock-knock jokes? - Ross! Agh!
Stop! God, Ross!
What you and I have is special. All Paolo and I ever had was...
Animal sex? Animal sex?
[GROANS]
So, what are you saying?
You're saying that, like, there's nothing between us "animal" at all?
I mean, there's not even, like, um...a little animal?
Not even... not even, like, like...
chipmunk sex?
Okay, Ross,
try to hear me, okay?
I...hey, I'm not going to lie to you, okay?
- It was good with Paolo... - Knock, knock.
But...what you and I have is so much better, okay?
We have tenderness. We have intimacy. We connect.
You know, I swear.
This is the best
I have ever had.
- Until now. - Aah! Oh, don't!
- Oh, hi. - Hi.
Richard just told me he loved me.
- Oh, my God! - I know.
Honey, that's great!
- I know. - Ha, ha.
- I just can't find... - They're in the top drawer.
- Hurry. - Why? You need one, too?
Oh...yeah.
- I found them! - Whoo.
There's only one.
- Monica? - Hi.
Uh, I'll be right there. We're just, um...trying to decide something.
Rachel?
[GROWLING]
[STOPS GROWLING]
- Hey. - Hey.
- They're just trying to decide something. - Oh, good. Good, good.
So, is, um...was your mustache, did...did it used to be different?
- No. - Oh.
How do you, uh, you know, keep it so neat?
- I have a little comb. - Oh.
- And what do you call that? - A mustache comb.
Thank you.
Okay, I...I will do your laundry for one month.
- No! - Okay, okay, okay!
I will...I will...I will...
hey, I will clean the apartment for two months.
I'll give this to you now, if you can tell me where we keep the dustpan.
[GRUNTING]
So, were you in 'Nam?
- Rock, paper, scissors? - I got you.
BOTH: One, two, three.
- Yes! - Agh!
- Ah! - Fine. Go have sex.
Thank you.
No! You have got it completely wrong.
John Savage was "Deer Hunter," no legs.
Jon Voight was "Coming Home," couldn't feel his legs.
No way. You've got it totally the other way around, my friend. Jon Voight...
- Honey? Ahem. - What? Oh.
[CLEARS THROAT]
- Shall we? - It's not going to happen.
They're doing it tonight. We can do it tomorrow.
Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...
So, when I woke up this morning
he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes.
Why?
Because he thinks I slept with his ex-girlfriend and killed his fish.
Why would you kill his fish?
Because sometimes, Phoebe, after you sleep with someone
you have to kill a fish.
Chandler, honey,
I'm sorry.
Can we watch Joey's show now, please?
- Yeah! - Wait. He's not here yet.
So? He's on the show. He knows what happens.
Oh, I'm fine about my problem now, by the way.
Oh, good.
Amber...
I want you to know that I will always be there for you...
as a friend and as your brother.
Oh, Drake.
Hard day, huh?
- First, the medical award, now this? - Yeah.
Some guys are just lucky, I guess.
- Ha, ha. - Ha-ha-ha.
Dr. Ramoray,
- report to first floor Emergency, stat. - Hmm. [WHIMPERS]
Well, then, uh...
I, uh...guess that's me.
Anyone else need to go on the elevator? Dr. Horton? Dr. Wong?
No, no. They only said you.
Well, okay. All right.
- I love you, Drake. - Yeah, whatever.
- Oh, no! [SCREAMING] - Drake! Look out!
[STILL SCREAMING]
- Did they just kill off Joey? - No.
- [LOUD THUD] - [SCREAMING STOPS]
Now, maybe.
ROSS: Come on! Open up! We want to talk to you.
I don't feel like talking.
Come on, Joey. We care about you.
We're worried about you. And some of us have to pee.
I'm sorry, Joey.
Hey...
Listen, sorry about your death. That really sucks.
- We came over as soon as we saw. - How could you not tell us?
I don't know. I was...kind of hoping no one would ever find out.
Well, maybe they could find a way to bring you back.
Nah. They said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in,
that the only doctor who could've saved me was me.
It's supposed to be some kind of irony or something.
But Joey, you're going to be fine.
You don't need that show. It was just a dumb soap opera.
Phoebe, this was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Yes. I was going to incorporate that.
Oh, good, here's Monica. She'll have something nice to say.
Um, I straightened out your shower curtain so you won't get mildew.
What? To me, that's nice.
It's going to be okay. You know that.
No, I don't.
It's like, you know, you work your whole life for something,
and you think that when you get it,
it's never going to be as good as you thought it would be,
but this so was.
You know, it changed everything.
Like, the other day, I got this credit card application,
and I was pre-approved.
Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life.
I'm sorry, man.
Yeah. Joey, honey, I don't know if this will mean anything to you
but you'll always be pre-approved with us.
No, that means nothing to me.
Ahh!
Pecan sandy? Just made them.
Yeah, all right.
What are these, raisins?
Uh...sure, why not?
Listen, Eddie. Um...ahem. [CLEARS THROAT]
I've been thinking about our current living situation and, uh...
why are you smiling?
I got a little surprise. Look, I got us a new fishy.
I named him, uh...
"Chandler," you know, after...after you.
Well, that's not even a real fish.
You know, that's a Goldfish cracker.
So, what's your point, man?
Okay, good night...
you big freak of nature.
[DOOR CLOSES]
{an8}- [GASPING] Aah. - Hey.
{an8}Hey.
{an8}- Hey. - Hey.
{an8}- Ooh. Brisk tonight. - Oh, man.
{an8}- Let's never speak of this. - You got it.
Sync by chocomoon www.addic7ed.com