1
00:00:03,332 --> 00:00:04,699
Damn, man.
2
00:00:04,734 --> 00:00:06,468
You look tired.
Your eyes are puffy as hell.
3
00:00:06,502 --> 00:00:09,304
I'm unwell, Winston.
(Sighs)
4
00:00:09,338 --> 00:00:11,873
I'm just torn up about this
whole Cece and Elizabeth thing.
5
00:00:11,907 --> 00:00:14,309
I feel so guilty, I can't even
look at myself in the mirror.
6
00:00:14,343 --> 00:00:15,810
Do you think that I'm good person?
7
00:00:15,845 --> 00:00:17,712
I'm gonna...
8
00:00:17,747 --> 00:00:18,980
Hey, guys, do you guys think
that I'm a good person?
9
00:00:19,015 --> 00:00:19,981
You're a terrible person.
10
00:00:20,016 --> 00:00:22,651
- It's hilarious.
- You cheated on my best friend, Schmidt.
11
00:00:22,685 --> 00:00:25,654
F-Fair enough. Okay.
Well, I'm better than Winston.
12
00:00:25,688 --> 00:00:28,056
You're better at things than Winston,
but he's a better person.
13
00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:30,456
- Winston freakin' stinks!
- Okay, why am I being dragged into this?
14
00:00:30,483 --> 00:00:32,389
Because I'm mad, Winston.
15
00:00:32,887 --> 00:00:35,331
And I'm tired. And...
16
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:36,906
I'm a good...
17
00:00:37,178 --> 00:00:38,834
I'm a good man.
18
00:00:38,966 --> 00:00:40,642
Are you crying?
19
00:00:41,502 --> 00:00:43,203
(Knocking on door)
20
00:00:46,207 --> 00:00:47,808
I got a package for Nick Miller.
21
00:00:47,842 --> 00:00:50,355
There's nobody here
by that name.
22
00:00:50,812 --> 00:00:52,779
(Whispers):
I got this.
23
00:00:52,814 --> 00:00:54,781
I saw that.
24
00:00:54,816 --> 00:00:56,416
- Run, Nick! Run!
- Aah!
25
00:00:56,451 --> 00:00:57,722
What?
26
00:00:57,757 --> 00:01:00,085
Relax, I'm with your late father's estate.
27
00:01:00,288 --> 00:01:01,822
- Pop-pop?
- This is for him.
28
00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:07,427
What's in there?
29
00:01:07,462 --> 00:01:08,929
It's a hand, isn't it?
Just tell me if it's a hand.
30
00:01:08,963 --> 00:01:10,497
Oh, my God!
31
00:01:10,531 --> 00:01:12,933
- It is a hand.
- It's a... I knew it.
32
00:01:12,967 --> 00:01:14,968
It's a hand.
What does that mean, though?
33
00:01:15,002 --> 00:01:17,337
Full of dollar bills, y'all!
34
00:01:17,371 --> 00:01:19,372
You are rich, man!
35
00:01:19,507 --> 00:01:22,309
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
36
00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:23,810
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
37
00:01:23,845 --> 00:01:25,512
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess ♪
38
00:01:25,646 --> 00:01:28,648
I can't believe Nick's dad
left him $8,000.
39
00:01:28,683 --> 00:01:31,151
I've never seen someone
burn through money so fast.
40
00:01:31,185 --> 00:01:33,286
- (Laughs)
- I should say something.
41
00:01:33,321 --> 00:01:34,688
Some of these shoes
aren't even his size.
42
00:01:34,722 --> 00:01:37,457
Look, Jess, you don't want to talk
to Nick about money, okay?
43
00:01:37,492 --> 00:01:39,693
It is a very touchy subject.
44
00:01:39,727 --> 00:01:41,661
I'm gonna check out
this fancy picture place.
45
00:01:41,696 --> 00:01:44,164
Seems like rich guys always have
pictures of themselves.
46
00:01:44,198 --> 00:01:47,267
My man. Do you, baby.
(Chuckles)
47
00:01:47,301 --> 00:01:49,669
I'm gonna be honest with you.
Nick owes me
48
00:01:49,704 --> 00:01:52,939
1,900 bucks, so this here
is my opportunity to get it back.
49
00:01:52,974 --> 00:01:54,975
JESS: How are you expecting
to get your money back
50
00:01:55,009 --> 00:01:56,943
if he blows it all on stupid stuff?
51
00:01:56,978 --> 00:01:59,045
WINSTON: Oh, don't worry, Jess.
I have a plan.
52
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:00,647
Hey, listen, you know you
don't have to con him
53
00:02:00,681 --> 00:02:03,283
if he actually owes you money.
You can just ask him.
54
00:02:03,317 --> 00:02:08,155
(Laughing)
55
00:02:08,189 --> 00:02:10,991
I just told you to ask him
for the money.
56
00:02:11,993 --> 00:02:12,959
Smile...
57
00:02:12,994 --> 00:02:14,127
(Laughing)
58
00:02:14,162 --> 00:02:16,329
NICK: Do the crystals make it
look too glamorous?
59
00:02:16,364 --> 00:02:17,702
It's really glamorous.
60
00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:19,503
I don't even know.
I don't know what's cool anymore.
61
00:02:19,538 --> 00:02:21,568
It could be a good time
to start a bank account.
62
00:02:21,602 --> 00:02:23,370
Yeah, or I could just flush it
down the toilet.
63
00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:24,938
It's not really the same thing, but...
64
00:02:24,972 --> 00:02:28,074
A bank is just a paper bag
but with fancier walls.
65
00:02:28,109 --> 00:02:30,944
That's all it is. I'm gonna keep
my money where my mouth is.
66
00:02:30,978 --> 00:02:33,380
Um, under my nose.
67
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,849
That saying actually does work.
68
00:02:41,656 --> 00:02:43,557
- What is that?
- This is my box.
69
00:02:43,591 --> 00:02:46,760
It's where I keep all my junk
that I don't feel like dealing with.
70
00:02:46,794 --> 00:02:49,329
That looks like a lot of bills.
It's... mostly bills.
71
00:02:49,363 --> 00:02:50,864
Like I said, it's junk.
72
00:02:50,898 --> 00:02:52,432
You know,
I'm just brainstorming here,
73
00:02:52,466 --> 00:02:53,867
but what if you paid some
of those bills
74
00:02:53,901 --> 00:02:55,468
with the money you just got?
75
00:02:55,503 --> 00:02:58,371
(Laughing):
Yeah. I'm gonna "pay my bill."
76
00:02:58,406 --> 00:03:01,641
And what's next? I'm gonna go
to the doctor and get a checkup.
77
00:03:01,676 --> 00:03:03,844
Give them $500 to check my bones.
78
00:03:03,878 --> 00:03:05,478
You're being funny.
79
00:03:12,353 --> 00:03:14,588
So, yeah, I was dating both
of them at the same time.
80
00:03:14,622 --> 00:03:17,991
I'm a mess. I can't sleep.
I urinate constantly.
81
00:03:18,025 --> 00:03:21,261
I cried the other day listening
to a techno song.
82
00:03:21,295 --> 00:03:23,163
My tweets have been extremely literal.
83
00:03:23,197 --> 00:03:24,898
Were the girls Jewish?
84
00:03:24,932 --> 00:03:26,900
One Indian, one regular.
Do you want to see a picture?
85
00:03:26,934 --> 00:03:28,735
I-I don't even know why you're here.
86
00:03:28,769 --> 00:03:31,204
You come in and say,
"Do you have a minute?"
87
00:03:31,239 --> 00:03:33,106
Okay, I'm-I'm sorry, Rabbi.
It's just that...
88
00:03:33,140 --> 00:03:36,109
Okay, it's much more simple.
(Sighs)
89
00:03:36,143 --> 00:03:37,944
How can I be a better person?
90
00:03:37,979 --> 00:03:39,880
Oh.
91
00:03:39,914 --> 00:03:42,282
Well, you seem awfully concerned
with yourself.
92
00:03:42,316 --> 00:03:45,352
You might want to start thinking
about the needs of others.
93
00:03:45,386 --> 00:03:46,753
I think about others all the time.
94
00:03:46,787 --> 00:03:49,389
What-what I can get from them,
how they can give me pleasure,
95
00:03:49,423 --> 00:03:50,557
do they have a silly little walk
96
00:03:50,591 --> 00:03:52,492
- that I can make fun of?
- No, th-that's...
97
00:03:52,526 --> 00:03:56,229
It's where you actually care
about somebody else.
98
00:03:56,264 --> 00:03:58,965
You put their needs ahead of your own.
99
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,967
This is one of the few times
that I wish I was Catholic.
100
00:04:01,002 --> 00:04:03,536
Couple Hail Marys
and I'd be off the hook.
101
00:04:03,571 --> 00:04:05,205
Huh?
102
00:04:06,908 --> 00:04:07,941
(Car horn beeping)
103
00:04:07,975 --> 00:04:09,976
(Tires screech) (Woman screams)
(Bike clatters)
104
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:14,514
Oh, God. Whoa.
105
00:04:14,548 --> 00:04:16,583
Are you choking?
You're choking. Okay.
106
00:04:16,617 --> 00:04:19,653
Uh... What, are you biking and eating?
107
00:04:19,687 --> 00:04:21,755
All right, I got you, I got you.
108
00:04:21,789 --> 00:04:23,823
(Grunts)
Come on! Live! Live!
109
00:04:23,858 --> 00:04:25,225
Live, biker!
(Gasps)
110
00:04:25,259 --> 00:04:27,060
- Ew. Yeah!
- Thank you.
111
00:04:27,094 --> 00:04:28,361
You saved my life.
112
00:04:28,396 --> 00:04:29,930
What?
113
00:04:29,964 --> 00:04:31,231
You saved my life.
114
00:04:32,767 --> 00:04:33,833
You saved my life.
115
00:04:33,868 --> 00:04:35,502
(Panting)
116
00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:39,506
- I did. Yes. Yes.
- Thank you... Thank you...
117
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:42,242
Yes! Dude!
118
00:04:42,276 --> 00:04:45,178
This is exactly what I needed.
Oh, my God.
119
00:04:45,212 --> 00:04:47,414
Let us rejoice in song.
120
00:04:47,448 --> 00:04:50,083
♪ Sh'ma Yis'ra'eil ♪
121
00:04:50,117 --> 00:04:52,263
♪ Adonai Eloheinu ♪
122
00:04:52,302 --> 00:04:55,083
- Please call 911. I'm hurt.
- Oh, yeah, no, that's a great idea.
123
00:04:55,222 --> 00:04:56,756
I'm gonna call 911.
(Moans)
124
00:04:56,791 --> 00:04:58,391
I hope you don't have
a dance recital later.
125
00:04:58,426 --> 00:05:00,260
I'm just kidding.
Don't look at your legs.
126
00:05:00,294 --> 00:05:01,695
(Moaning)
127
00:05:01,729 --> 00:05:04,931
(Quietly): That's, uh, $900
to the Parking Authority of Los Angeles.
128
00:05:04,966 --> 00:05:08,268
Oh, is it okay to mail cash?
129
00:05:08,302 --> 00:05:11,237
I'm gonna do it anyway.
All right, it's on its way.
130
00:05:18,112 --> 00:05:19,913
- Sliders are beautiful.
- I know, man.
131
00:05:19,947 --> 00:05:22,248
- I knew you would think that.
- I love 'em, dude.
132
00:05:22,283 --> 00:05:23,583
That's why I made 'em.
133
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,120
What is that?
134
00:05:27,154 --> 00:05:29,622
Brotherhood.
Brotherhood, man.
135
00:05:29,657 --> 00:05:31,825
All right, man. I respect you, man,
no matter what.
136
00:05:31,859 --> 00:05:34,828
That's what it's about, man.
Yeah, and, um...
137
00:05:34,862 --> 00:05:36,830
in the spirit of brotherhood...
138
00:05:36,864 --> 00:05:38,732
just 'cause we on that level right now...
I was just thinking
139
00:05:38,766 --> 00:05:41,568
- maybe, I don't know, um...
- Anything, man. Shoot.
140
00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:43,336
Oh, man.
141
00:05:43,371 --> 00:05:46,039
Maybe you can just pay me back
that money that you owe me.
142
00:05:46,073 --> 00:05:48,041
Remember?
'Cause you owe me that money...?
143
00:05:49,410 --> 00:05:52,312
- Uh, Nick? Nick?
- Oh...
144
00:05:52,346 --> 00:05:56,316
- Nick? Nick? Hey, Nick.
- Oh, you stink!
145
00:05:56,350 --> 00:05:58,752
- Um, can we...?
- You son of...
146
00:05:58,786 --> 00:06:01,721
- You son of a bitch, Winston!
- Can we... can we...
147
00:06:01,756 --> 00:06:02,822
That's what this is about?!
148
00:06:02,857 --> 00:06:05,592
Nick, it's my money, okay?!
Give it back to me!
149
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,527
I make a little bit of money
and you come
150
00:06:07,561 --> 00:06:09,062
slipping out of the "woodword"!
151
00:06:09,096 --> 00:06:10,864
You mean "woodwork"?
152
00:06:10,898 --> 00:06:12,065
What is "woodwork"?!
153
00:06:12,099 --> 00:06:13,066
What's "woodword"?!
154
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:14,567
Wood! Word! Wood! Word!
155
00:06:14,602 --> 00:06:17,003
(Groans) That's where people like you
come crawling out of
156
00:06:17,038 --> 00:06:18,438
when people like me have money!
157
00:06:18,472 --> 00:06:20,407
- But you owe me that money!
- Stay out of my damn box
158
00:06:20,441 --> 00:06:22,342
- is the point, man!
- I'm not in your box!
159
00:06:22,376 --> 00:06:24,511
Jess gets it, right?
160
00:06:24,545 --> 00:06:26,413
Yeah, what's...
What the hell, dude?
161
00:06:26,414 --> 00:06:28,314
I'm gonna go to the bar
to blow off some steam.
162
00:06:28,382 --> 00:06:29,883
That's a great idea.
Go get loaded.
163
00:06:29,917 --> 00:06:31,718
You deserve it. Black out.
164
00:06:31,752 --> 00:06:33,987
You are the only one
that I trust around here.
165
00:06:52,773 --> 00:06:54,374
Oh...
166
00:06:54,408 --> 00:06:56,409
(Hoots)
167
00:06:56,444 --> 00:06:58,678
You went through Nick's box.
168
00:06:59,950 --> 00:07:02,950
Look, it was so much worse
than I thought.
169
00:07:02,985 --> 00:07:04,819
- (Chuckling)
- Why does he have the deed
170
00:07:04,853 --> 00:07:07,488
- to an old Mercury Cougar in there?
- Oh, yeah, he lost that.
171
00:07:07,523 --> 00:07:09,323
For crying out loud, where is it?
We've been looking for hours.
172
00:07:09,358 --> 00:07:11,526
- It's done.
- What about your car, Nick?
173
00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,444
I said it's done.
174
00:07:14,595 --> 00:07:15,988
I'll just get the money back.
175
00:07:16,026 --> 00:07:18,002
Bill collectors are reasonable people,
right?
176
00:07:18,073 --> 00:07:21,002
- That makes sense.
- You better keep your mouth shut!
177
00:07:21,036 --> 00:07:23,204
I'll make you a deal.
I'll keep my mouth shut
178
00:07:23,238 --> 00:07:25,373
if you pay me the money
Nick owes me.
179
00:07:25,407 --> 00:07:28,743
Are you trying to blackmail me?
180
00:07:30,312 --> 00:07:31,512
(Grunts)
181
00:07:31,547 --> 00:07:33,981
You don't scare me, Jess.
182
00:07:34,016 --> 00:07:35,917
(Shouting)
183
00:07:35,951 --> 00:07:38,352
(Both shouting)
184
00:07:39,721 --> 00:07:41,222
How much does Nick owe you?
185
00:07:41,256 --> 00:07:44,659
$1,900.
(Splutters)
186
00:07:44,693 --> 00:07:47,161
But what is money anyway?
187
00:07:47,195 --> 00:07:50,264
You know, it's just paper
that some king on the mountains
188
00:07:50,299 --> 00:07:52,533
said was worth something.
189
00:07:52,568 --> 00:07:55,169
You know? Gold, I understand.
190
00:07:55,203 --> 00:07:58,739
It's shiny and you can make
jewelry out of it.
191
00:07:58,774 --> 00:08:00,675
Silver?
192
00:08:00,709 --> 00:08:03,878
Put a werewolf in front of me,
he's dead.
193
00:08:03,912 --> 00:08:07,048
Brass creates the bells
194
00:08:07,082 --> 00:08:09,951
that make sound
throughout the land.
195
00:08:09,985 --> 00:08:13,621
But we kill each other for paper.
196
00:08:13,655 --> 00:08:16,223
I gotta tell you, man, that's sad.
197
00:08:16,258 --> 00:08:19,760
You give me $50,
I'll show you my private parts.
198
00:08:19,795 --> 00:08:22,563
(Laughs, splutters)
199
00:08:24,232 --> 00:08:26,200
Nicholas, good yontef.
200
00:08:26,234 --> 00:08:28,569
- Are you well?
- No, but good yontef.
201
00:08:28,604 --> 00:08:29,937
You know, I'm all steamed up.
202
00:08:29,972 --> 00:08:32,306
This money thing is
tearing me apart, Schmidt.
203
00:08:32,341 --> 00:08:34,575
All right, if it's bothering you that much,
why don't you just give it away?
204
00:08:34,610 --> 00:08:36,077
Son of a bitch!
205
00:08:36,111 --> 00:08:37,979
Not, not to me, Nick, to charity,
206
00:08:38,013 --> 00:08:39,914
or tzedakah as my people call it.
207
00:08:39,948 --> 00:08:41,549
- That's what your people do?
- Yeah.
208
00:08:41,583 --> 00:08:43,951
- You beautiful genius.
- (Laughs)
209
00:08:43,986 --> 00:08:46,387
I like that.
That frees me of my worries.
210
00:08:46,421 --> 00:08:48,089
Oh, look at that! Another mitzvah!
I'm two for two today.
211
00:08:48,123 --> 00:08:50,391
- Yeah! Mitzvah!
- I saved a man.
212
00:08:50,425 --> 00:08:52,159
You know, there was a lowly
bike messenger.
213
00:08:52,194 --> 00:08:53,995
Was just riding along,
choking on his gum.
214
00:08:54,029 --> 00:08:56,897
And I performed Heimlich's
maneuver on him, rescued him.
215
00:08:56,932 --> 00:08:58,399
- Great.
- Yeah, who's the good man now?
216
00:08:58,433 --> 00:09:00,486
You're almost forced to admit it.
217
00:09:01,436 --> 00:09:04,271
Almost...
You're almost forced to admit it.
218
00:09:04,306 --> 00:09:06,140
- Yeah, I know.
- I'm a hero, Nick, now...
219
00:09:06,174 --> 00:09:07,475
Just tell me that I'm a good man.
220
00:09:07,509 --> 00:09:08,843
I really need to hear it.
221
00:09:08,877 --> 00:09:11,212
I don't even know if I'm a good person.
I'm not the guy to ask.
222
00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:13,147
- I have my moods.
- But we're not talking about you.
223
00:09:13,181 --> 00:09:15,383
We're talking about me right
now and how I'm a good person,
224
00:09:15,417 --> 00:09:16,951
so it'd be really nice
if you could say that.
225
00:09:16,985 --> 00:09:18,019
- I'm ready to do a tzatziki.
- Tzedakah.
226
00:09:18,053 --> 00:09:19,720
This is not about tzedakah right now.
227
00:09:19,755 --> 00:09:21,822
This is about me being a good man
and you telling me that.
228
00:09:21,857 --> 00:09:23,658
- Absolutely.
- So, well, say it.
229
00:09:23,692 --> 00:09:25,960
- You got it.
- S-Say that I'm a good man.
230
00:09:25,994 --> 00:09:27,495
I'm giving away my money.
I've been trying to listen
231
00:09:27,529 --> 00:09:28,796
- to you this whole time!
- Damn it, Nick,
232
00:09:28,830 --> 00:09:31,165
you are so drunk right now
233
00:09:31,199 --> 00:09:32,700
- and at the bar you work at, no less.
- Yeah.
234
00:09:32,734 --> 00:09:33,968
What happens with
the rest of your day?
235
00:09:34,002 --> 00:09:35,202
Do you even think about that?
236
00:09:35,237 --> 00:09:37,171
You don't understand drinking at all.
237
00:09:39,441 --> 00:09:40,875
Don't go.
238
00:09:41,910 --> 00:09:44,011
Heathcliff.
239
00:09:44,046 --> 00:09:47,648
Hi, I'd like to unpay
some parking tickets.
240
00:09:47,683 --> 00:09:49,350
- Excuse me?
- Well, I sent in a payment
241
00:09:49,384 --> 00:09:51,052
earlier for some tickets
242
00:09:51,086 --> 00:09:53,554
and I decided I don't
want to pay them.
243
00:09:53,588 --> 00:09:54,889
Well, just cancel the checks.
244
00:09:54,923 --> 00:09:56,590
Can't do that 'cause I paid cash
245
00:09:56,625 --> 00:09:58,526
'cause my boyfriend
doesn't believe in banks.
246
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,327
It's early in the relationship.
247
00:10:00,362 --> 00:10:02,596
Still shaving above the knee
if you know what I mean.
248
00:10:02,631 --> 00:10:04,198
Mm-hmm.
(Clicks tongue)
249
00:10:04,232 --> 00:10:06,701
Let me get this straight...
You want me to watch the mail
250
00:10:06,735 --> 00:10:09,170
and let you know if I see
anything from your boyfriend.
251
00:10:09,204 --> 00:10:11,872
- Exactly.
- Fantastic. Should I call you or...?
252
00:10:11,907 --> 00:10:13,340
- Text, text would be great.
- Perfect.
253
00:10:13,375 --> 00:10:17,044
Let me put your number
into my phone.
254
00:10:17,079 --> 00:10:19,947
- I didn't give you my number yet.
- Oh, I think you did.
255
00:10:21,283 --> 00:10:22,516
NICK:
It's your lucky day, old friend.
256
00:10:22,551 --> 00:10:23,517
I had an interesting
talk with Schmidt,
257
00:10:23,552 --> 00:10:25,453
and I've decided
to give away my fortune.
258
00:10:25,487 --> 00:10:27,021
So, what do I owe you?
259
00:10:27,055 --> 00:10:29,790
- How much money d...? Uh...
- Hey, guys, what's going on?
260
00:10:29,825 --> 00:10:31,392
Hey, Jess, um...
261
00:10:31,426 --> 00:10:32,526
It's tzatziki is what it's called.
262
00:10:32,561 --> 00:10:35,262
It's a Jewish charity.
263
00:10:37,265 --> 00:10:40,468
Nick was just about to pay me
the money that he owes me.
264
00:10:40,502 --> 00:10:42,670
Wait!
265
00:10:50,312 --> 00:10:51,312
Come on, what are you doing?
266
00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:54,582
I'm, uh, I'm lubing up, Sally...
267
00:10:54,616 --> 00:10:55,783
From ankles to ears?
268
00:10:55,817 --> 00:10:57,752
The door's locked...
You want me to bust in?
269
00:10:57,786 --> 00:11:00,654
Son of a...
270
00:11:00,689 --> 00:11:01,922
It opened!
271
00:11:01,957 --> 00:11:04,291
Where are you?
272
00:11:04,326 --> 00:11:08,095
Um, I just was hot,
I wanted some shade.
273
00:11:08,130 --> 00:11:09,764
Oh, done that.
274
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,234
He take my money?
275
00:11:13,268 --> 00:11:14,602
Winston!
276
00:11:14,636 --> 00:11:16,103
It was me, it was me, it was me.
277
00:11:16,138 --> 00:11:18,472
I'm so sorry,
I went through your box...
278
00:11:18,507 --> 00:11:20,107
I just couldn't help it...
and I paid some
279
00:11:20,142 --> 00:11:22,743
of your bills, and I'm so sorry I...
280
00:11:22,778 --> 00:11:25,513
Hey, Nick...
281
00:11:25,547 --> 00:11:27,414
You gonna leave me here?
282
00:11:27,449 --> 00:11:29,996
Nick... That's fair.
283
00:11:32,927 --> 00:11:35,281
There he is, alive and well.
284
00:11:35,316 --> 00:11:35,867
Yeah.
285
00:11:35,902 --> 00:11:36,868
Mazel.
286
00:11:36,903 --> 00:11:37,903
I br-brought you these.
287
00:11:39,105 --> 00:11:41,206
How's my brave little soldier doing, huh?
288
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,141
Not great.
289
00:11:43,176 --> 00:11:45,644
They said that I'm never gonna
be able to ride a bike again,
290
00:11:45,678 --> 00:11:47,712
- so there goes my job.
- Sure, sure.
291
00:11:47,747 --> 00:11:49,381
Do you think that I'm a good person?
292
00:11:49,415 --> 00:11:53,151
I... I don't really know you.
293
00:11:53,186 --> 00:11:54,686
Well, what more do you need to know?
294
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,588
If not for me, you probably
would have died today.
295
00:11:56,622 --> 00:11:58,423
Well, somebody probably
would have come along.
296
00:11:58,457 --> 00:12:00,091
Just say that I'm a good person.
297
00:12:00,126 --> 00:12:02,127
- Well, I mean...
- Why is that so hard for you to say?
298
00:12:02,161 --> 00:12:04,462
- Ow!
- I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
299
00:12:04,497 --> 00:12:06,431
- You're, you're a good person.
- I am? You really think so?
300
00:12:06,465 --> 00:12:07,766
Very good.
301
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:08,767
Thank you for saying that.
302
00:12:08,801 --> 00:12:10,068
- Yeah.
- That really means...
303
00:12:10,102 --> 00:12:11,636
It means a lot.
(Chuckles)
304
00:12:11,671 --> 00:12:13,905
I finally feel
like I can breathe again.
305
00:12:13,940 --> 00:12:15,740
Good.
(Sighs)
306
00:12:15,775 --> 00:12:17,475
What happ...
What happened to him?
307
00:12:17,510 --> 00:12:19,911
Well, he got smoked by a bus
while he was having a bake sale
308
00:12:19,946 --> 00:12:21,479
for cancer kids.
309
00:12:21,514 --> 00:12:23,415
For, for canc... for cancer kids?
310
00:12:23,449 --> 00:12:26,017
- Yeah.
- But he-he's, he's a great person.
311
00:12:26,052 --> 00:12:28,286
Bad things happen to good people
all the time.
312
00:12:29,322 --> 00:12:31,590
Of course they do.
313
00:12:31,624 --> 00:12:33,658
What am I even chasing here?
314
00:12:33,693 --> 00:12:35,961
What is the point
of being a good person?
315
00:12:35,995 --> 00:12:39,264
Some say moral integrity is
the cornerstone to humanity.
316
00:12:39,298 --> 00:12:41,766
What do you know, you idiot?
You choked on a piece of gum today.
317
00:12:41,801 --> 00:12:43,935
Hey, man, don't shoot
the bike messenger.
318
00:12:43,970 --> 00:12:46,371
That is a terrible joke!
319
00:12:46,405 --> 00:12:48,406
And none of this makes any sense!
320
00:13:00,386 --> 00:13:02,320
Hey, Nick.
321
00:13:02,355 --> 00:13:04,322
(Sighs)
Look,
322
00:13:04,357 --> 00:13:06,892
I know you're really angry
and you have a right to be.
323
00:13:06,926 --> 00:13:08,393
I have the right to be?
324
00:13:08,427 --> 00:13:10,795
I mean, why do you feel
like you need to fix me?
325
00:13:10,830 --> 00:13:12,464
It's like you think you know better.
326
00:13:12,498 --> 00:13:15,467
Well, I m... I might know
better than you.
327
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:17,669
(Scoffs)
Did you start a corporation?
328
00:13:19,338 --> 00:13:21,706
- Was it Fat Face?
- I think so.
329
00:13:21,741 --> 00:13:23,174
Yeah.
330
00:13:23,209 --> 00:13:24,809
Well, you're getting taxed like crazy.
331
00:13:24,844 --> 00:13:26,344
Well, that's because I thought
I was filing a patent.
332
00:13:26,379 --> 00:13:27,979
Fat Face is an invention?
333
00:13:28,014 --> 00:13:31,383
Kind of... in its intention
It was suppo... it... (Grunts)
334
00:13:31,417 --> 00:13:34,552
- Are you a lifeguard?
- No, that is a false certificate.
335
00:13:34,587 --> 00:13:36,254
Just a classic beach prank.
336
00:13:36,289 --> 00:13:37,389
That seems dangerous.
337
00:13:37,423 --> 00:13:39,591
It's funny, 'cause I...
I can't swim.
338
00:13:39,625 --> 00:13:42,237
Everyone was watching me, and
I'm like, "I don't know..."
339
00:13:42,395 --> 00:13:43,762
I was 13!
340
00:13:43,796 --> 00:13:45,130
I was 26.
341
00:13:45,164 --> 00:13:47,599
This is the problem with the box.
It's my private stuff.
342
00:13:47,633 --> 00:13:50,602
You've never once done
jury duty or paid your taxes.
343
00:13:50,636 --> 00:13:52,504
Not until gay marriage
is legal everywhere.
344
00:13:53,306 --> 00:13:55,607
I stand by that.
345
00:13:55,641 --> 00:13:58,376
And I don't want to do
jury duty or pay taxes.
346
00:13:58,411 --> 00:14:00,712
Nick, you're in so much debt,
it's crazy.
347
00:14:00,746 --> 00:14:04,783
- You have to deal with this stuff.
- No, I don't, Jess, it's in my box.
348
00:14:04,817 --> 00:14:05,850
That's not true, though.
349
00:14:05,885 --> 00:14:08,620
It's not a perfect system, Jess,
350
00:14:08,654 --> 00:14:11,156
but it's mine, okay?
And it's private.
351
00:14:11,190 --> 00:14:12,857
Well, I'm sorry I went
through your damn box,
352
00:14:12,892 --> 00:14:14,392
but I was just
trying to help you, Nick.
353
00:14:14,427 --> 00:14:15,727
So maybe I'll try to help you.
354
00:14:15,761 --> 00:14:17,362
What if I went into your box?
355
00:14:17,396 --> 00:14:18,730
Not that.
356
00:14:18,764 --> 00:14:21,599
- Stop it!
- I like that box, but I'm mad at you...!
357
00:14:21,634 --> 00:14:22,901
(Snaps fingers)
358
00:14:22,935 --> 00:14:25,036
I'm back to "You disrespected me."
359
00:14:25,071 --> 00:14:26,957
- I was just trying to help.
- Well, then, how about this...
360
00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:29,101
Two can help. Okay?
361
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:31,242
And if two are going to help,
then I'll be one of them
362
00:14:31,277 --> 00:14:33,578
'cause two can tango
on this dance, okay?
363
00:14:33,612 --> 00:14:36,848
So, you want to waltz?
Well, you picked the wrong dance partner.
364
00:14:36,882 --> 00:14:38,183
Two can play.
365
00:14:38,217 --> 00:14:39,751
What? It's not a...
366
00:14:39,785 --> 00:14:42,554
Who needs changing, huh,
who needs fixing?
367
00:14:42,588 --> 00:14:44,889
I'm gonna go through
your personal drawers
368
00:14:44,924 --> 00:14:47,225
and see what needs changing.
369
00:14:50,629 --> 00:14:51,963
What are you, a zoo elephant?
370
00:14:51,998 --> 00:14:53,064
Those are my night peanuts.
371
00:14:53,099 --> 00:14:55,200
There shouldn't be day peanuts
and night peanuts!
372
00:14:55,234 --> 00:14:56,534
They're just peanuts!
373
00:14:56,569 --> 00:14:58,236
I'm sorry, why is that weird?
374
00:14:58,270 --> 00:15:00,638
You just have a bunch of boxes?
I would change that.
375
00:15:00,673 --> 00:15:04,242
- Oh, you have a bunch of metal toothpicks.
- They're bobby pins.
376
00:15:04,276 --> 00:15:06,211
- What's a bobby pin?
- It keeps your hair back.
377
00:15:06,245 --> 00:15:07,946
You need Bobby's pins
to put your hair up?
378
00:15:07,980 --> 00:15:10,749
It's bobby pins, not Bobby's pins.
379
00:15:10,783 --> 00:15:12,751
- What is this?!
- Yarn.
380
00:15:12,785 --> 00:15:14,419
What are you knitting,
a mansion?!
381
00:15:14,453 --> 00:15:16,654
Oh, look at this.
What do we have here?
382
00:15:16,689 --> 00:15:18,556
A bunch of beat-up old sacks.
383
00:15:18,591 --> 00:15:20,725
- My vintage purses.
- Well, you know what?
384
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:24,229
- They could be sexier.
- You want my purses to be sexier?
385
00:15:24,263 --> 00:15:26,131
Would it kill you to
get something sleek,
386
00:15:26,165 --> 00:15:27,665
covered in gems for once?
387
00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:30,668
You want my purses
to be covered in gemstones?
388
00:15:30,703 --> 00:15:32,837
All guys do!
That's what we think is sexy!
389
00:15:32,872 --> 00:15:34,906
We want to be playing a
saxophone in an alley
390
00:15:34,940 --> 00:15:38,243
and have you walk by
in a miniskirt with a purse with gems.
391
00:15:38,277 --> 00:15:40,612
- But you girls don't listen!
- What?!
392
00:15:40,646 --> 00:15:42,914
- Changing!
- No! Nick, no!
393
00:15:42,948 --> 00:15:45,483
- This all is changing.
- No, no, stop! That's disrespectful!
394
00:15:45,518 --> 00:15:46,951
- Gone!
- Nick, stop it!
395
00:15:46,986 --> 00:15:49,654
No! This is the grossest thing
I've ever seen in my life!
396
00:15:49,688 --> 00:15:51,656
- I got that for a nickel.
- It's disgusting.
397
00:15:51,690 --> 00:15:53,258
You're just trying
to get a rise out of me.
398
00:15:53,292 --> 00:15:55,160
Oh, my God!
399
00:15:55,194 --> 00:15:57,228
I've gotten a lot
of compliments on that one.
400
00:15:57,263 --> 00:15:58,229
- Gone!
- Nick!
401
00:15:58,264 --> 00:15:59,697
What?
402
00:15:59,732 --> 00:16:02,333
Stop it! Look, I like you
the way you are.
403
00:16:02,368 --> 00:16:04,502
I'm just asking you to grow a little.
404
00:16:04,537 --> 00:16:08,139
Are we ever gonna get to a point
where you stop working on me?
405
00:16:08,174 --> 00:16:11,142
Instead of changing me,
406
00:16:11,177 --> 00:16:14,712
maybe once, Jess, see it my way.
407
00:16:14,747 --> 00:16:17,422
Well, your way's crazy and illegal.
408
00:16:17,457 --> 00:16:19,880
This is me, take it or leave it.
409
00:16:19,915 --> 00:16:22,656
I'm not changing for anyone.
410
00:16:25,858 --> 00:16:27,992
Hey, where are you going?
411
00:16:28,027 --> 00:16:29,494
If you have something to say,
just say it.
412
00:16:29,528 --> 00:16:30,895
Don't write me a note or...
413
00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:32,397
(Sighs)
414
00:16:33,933 --> 00:16:36,234
That's the money I spent.
415
00:16:36,268 --> 00:16:39,070
Do what you want with it.
416
00:16:39,105 --> 00:16:41,239
Thank you.
417
00:16:43,876 --> 00:16:46,144
Couple of best friend horses.
That's neat.
418
00:16:46,178 --> 00:16:48,179
What else can you get on...?
419
00:16:50,282 --> 00:16:52,851
(Sighs)
420
00:16:56,284 --> 00:16:57,618
It doesn't make any sense.
421
00:16:57,653 --> 00:17:00,288
Can you not see I'm in the middle
of a bar mitzvah class here?
422
00:17:00,322 --> 00:17:01,689
Yeah, well,
they should hear this.
423
00:17:01,723 --> 00:17:04,825
A man helping cancer kids
got creamed by a bus today.
424
00:17:04,860 --> 00:17:07,328
Everything happens for a reason.
425
00:17:07,362 --> 00:17:08,996
But what if it doesn't happen
for a reason?
426
00:17:09,031 --> 00:17:11,332
Maybe... Maybe there aren't
any good guys and bad guys.
427
00:17:11,366 --> 00:17:13,367
Maybe there are just winners and losers.
428
00:17:13,402 --> 00:17:15,536
I was beating myself up,
but maybe I should... (Laughs)
429
00:17:15,570 --> 00:17:17,505
Maybe I should have been celebrating.
430
00:17:17,539 --> 00:17:20,474
- Have you ever dated two women at once?
- What are you talking about?
431
00:17:20,509 --> 00:17:22,777
I went to camp...
They used to call me the Octopus.
432
00:17:22,811 --> 00:17:25,023
- Clearly, you have not, sir.
- That's enough.
433
00:17:25,062 --> 00:17:26,484
You get out of here right now!
434
00:17:26,515 --> 00:17:28,149
- Out.
- Don't you "out" me.
435
00:17:28,183 --> 00:17:29,817
- Get out, get...
- Getting a little handsy there, Rabbi.
436
00:17:29,851 --> 00:17:31,319
- Get out!
- You know what I realize?
437
00:17:31,353 --> 00:17:33,020
Nothing matters, and that's great.
You know why?
438
00:17:33,055 --> 00:17:35,821
Because if nothing matters,
we can do whatever we want, Rabbi.
439
00:17:35,856 --> 00:17:38,392
- (Laughter)
- Avram! Julio!
440
00:17:38,427 --> 00:17:39,560
Get away from me, man.
441
00:17:39,594 --> 00:17:40,861
Kick his ass!
442
00:17:40,896 --> 00:17:42,897
All right, okay.
443
00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:44,899
YOLO! YOLO!
444
00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:46,767
Nick's right.
445
00:17:46,802 --> 00:17:48,703
I have too many purses.
446
00:17:48,737 --> 00:17:50,137
You're addicted to purses.
447
00:17:50,172 --> 00:17:53,741
I'm addicted to development fluid.
I get it.
448
00:17:53,775 --> 00:17:56,143
This one's for meat,
and this one's for shells.
449
00:17:56,178 --> 00:17:57,745
You know what?
450
00:17:57,779 --> 00:18:01,215
- Keep them. They're yours.
- Okay, thanks.
451
00:18:01,249 --> 00:18:03,050
Also, heads up...
The ass of your pants is missing.
452
00:18:03,085 --> 00:18:04,719
It's for the kitty cats.
453
00:18:04,753 --> 00:18:06,821
(Phone ringing)
454
00:18:06,855 --> 00:18:08,656
- My phone's ringing.
- Sure.
455
00:18:08,690 --> 00:18:10,091
- (Laughs)
- Hello?
456
00:18:10,125 --> 00:18:12,626
I'm like a pretty lady.
457
00:18:12,661 --> 00:18:14,995
What's happening?
458
00:18:15,030 --> 00:18:16,497
I'm sorry to bother you, Miss Day,
459
00:18:16,531 --> 00:18:18,466
but this man was trying
to open an account
460
00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:21,435
with a check in your name
and a paper bag full of money.
461
00:18:21,470 --> 00:18:23,938
Would you please stop hovering?
I'm being cooperative.
462
00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:25,139
It's fine. He's okay.
463
00:18:25,173 --> 00:18:26,407
Thank you, though.
464
00:18:29,311 --> 00:18:31,645
Opening a bank account, huh?
465
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,581
Yeah, I, uh...
466
00:18:33,615 --> 00:18:35,716
- I realized something.
- What?
467
00:18:35,751 --> 00:18:39,587
I'd do anything for you, Jess.
468
00:18:39,621 --> 00:18:42,022
Hey.
469
00:18:43,792 --> 00:18:46,727
Thank you.
470
00:18:46,762 --> 00:18:50,498
All right, Mr. Miller,
your checking account is good to go.
471
00:18:50,532 --> 00:18:52,867
Oh, there's just
an eight dollar processing fee.
472
00:18:52,901 --> 00:18:53,634
Eight dollars?
473
00:18:53,668 --> 00:18:56,736
That's a very specific amount.
474
00:19:00,776 --> 00:19:03,144
That's fine...
It's your world, your rules, so...
475
00:19:03,178 --> 00:19:04,211
Excellent.
476
00:19:04,246 --> 00:19:06,580
You go to the castle,
you got to pay the king.
477
00:19:09,618 --> 00:19:12,486
What is processing?
What does that mean?
478
00:19:12,521 --> 00:19:15,990
It's just a word you use
to make more money off of us.
479
00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:18,125
- That makes me mad!
- Me, too, yeah.
480
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,294
Hey, how about this?
What's a bank?
481
00:19:20,328 --> 00:19:21,662
- Yeah.
- It's just a paper bag...
482
00:19:21,696 --> 00:19:23,364
- That's right. Yes!
- ...with walls.
483
00:19:23,398 --> 00:19:26,367
You're making some really,
really, really good points, ma'am.
484
00:19:26,401 --> 00:19:28,969
You are the puppeteers
that puppet the world.
485
00:19:29,004 --> 00:19:30,171
NICK:
No more banks!
486
00:19:30,205 --> 00:19:31,505
Or some banks... I don't care!
487
00:19:31,540 --> 00:19:33,174
But I want my money on a boat!
488
00:19:33,208 --> 00:19:34,608
JESS:
I understood at least 30%
489
00:19:34,643 --> 00:19:36,010
of the financial crisis,
490
00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:37,445
and guess what I got from that?
491
00:19:37,479 --> 00:19:39,747
- You... suck!
- Yeah.
492
00:19:39,781 --> 00:19:42,116
You suck so hard.
493
00:19:42,150 --> 00:19:44,518
And now, I'm gonna process
this man's face,
494
00:19:44,553 --> 00:19:46,654
'cause I think he's great.
495
00:19:46,688 --> 00:19:49,657
And I'm crazy about him.
496
00:19:51,159 --> 00:19:53,027
Fine, I'll waive the fee.
497
00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:54,695
Yeah!
498
00:19:54,729 --> 00:19:56,630
We won eight dollars!
499
00:19:56,665 --> 00:19:58,098
Just wait till you have children.
500
00:19:58,133 --> 00:20:00,401
(Bitter laugh)
You'll never touch each other again.
501
00:20:00,435 --> 00:20:03,504
- (Wry laugh)
- JESS: Banks suck! Banks suck!
502
00:20:03,538 --> 00:20:04,472
(Nick guffaws)
503
00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:08,742
What the hell happened to you?
504
00:20:08,776 --> 00:20:11,078
Got beat up by some rabbis.
505
00:20:11,112 --> 00:20:13,747
Well, Winston, we're all alone.
506
00:20:13,781 --> 00:20:16,016
Nothing matters.
507
00:20:16,050 --> 00:20:17,884
But you know what?
Look Schmidt, stop, all right?
508
00:20:17,919 --> 00:20:19,653
You're a good man.
509
00:20:19,687 --> 00:20:22,155
You did a bad thing...
doesn't make you bad.
510
00:20:22,190 --> 00:20:25,692
We just have to try to be better,
you know?
511
00:20:25,727 --> 00:20:28,729
Been waiting all day for
somebody to tell me that.
512
00:20:28,763 --> 00:20:31,698
I... I really appreciate it.
Thank you.
513
00:20:31,733 --> 00:20:33,300
I want you to have something.
514
00:20:33,334 --> 00:20:35,669
Winston, literally,
a gift is the last thing I des...
515
00:20:37,672 --> 00:20:39,740
- This is...
- There you go.
516
00:20:39,774 --> 00:20:42,009
This is a candelabra.
517
00:20:42,043 --> 00:20:43,477
Yeah.
518
00:20:43,511 --> 00:20:45,545
I bought it with the money
that Nick owed me.
519
00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:47,814
- This is what you spent it on?
- And now it's yours.
520
00:20:47,849 --> 00:20:51,084
Uh-huh.
May it illuminate your path
521
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,854
and lead you...
out of the darkness.
522
00:20:53,888 --> 00:20:56,556
That's what it says on the bottom.
523
00:20:56,591 --> 00:20:59,026
May it illuminate your path,
lead you out of darkness.
524
00:20:59,060 --> 00:21:01,895
Uh, uh, thank you for this... really.
525
00:21:01,929 --> 00:21:04,564
Look at it every single day
and tell yourself...
526
00:21:04,599 --> 00:21:07,234
"I'm a good person," 'cause you are.
527
00:21:07,268 --> 00:21:08,535
You know what I might do, though?
528
00:21:08,569 --> 00:21:10,203
And it might seem like
the opposite, but...
529
00:21:10,238 --> 00:21:11,338
what I'm actually thinking is,
530
00:21:11,372 --> 00:21:12,906
maybe I'll just put it
away somewhere, like in...
531
00:21:12,940 --> 00:21:14,775
I don't know...
in the back of my closet...
532
00:21:14,809 --> 00:21:16,176
so to keep it away from thieves.
533
00:21:16,210 --> 00:21:17,744
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
534
00:21:17,779 --> 00:21:19,179
- Can you be honest with me real quick?
- Mm-hmm.
535
00:21:19,213 --> 00:21:21,581
How many times did you rub this thing
and think a genie was gonna come out?
536
00:21:21,616 --> 00:21:23,050
I ain't gonna lie to you man.
537
00:21:23,084 --> 00:21:24,818
- I rubbed it, like, three times.
- Yeah.
538
00:21:24,852 --> 00:21:26,473
- I thought so.
- You know, I'm not...
539
00:21:26,508 --> 00:21:29,028
If a genie did come out,
what would you wish for?
540
00:21:29,431 --> 00:21:31,983
- More candelabras.
- Yeah, I bet.
541
00:21:32,384 --> 00:21:36,960
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com