1
00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:03,582
Okay, everyone
2
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,882
time to divvy up
what's in the Lost & Found box.
3
00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:08,682
If my dignity's in there,
tell it I say "What up."
4
00:00:09,865 --> 00:00:11,467
This is my favorite
day of the month.
5
00:00:12,165 --> 00:00:14,367
Oh, God, I've fallen
so far so fast.
6
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:17,282
You haven't fallen that far.
7
00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:18,582
First item--
A scrunchie.
8
00:00:18,583 --> 00:00:21,118
I need that.
Give me!
9
00:00:21,119 --> 00:00:23,887
I think I hit my bottom.
10
00:00:23,888 --> 00:00:25,555
Okay, next item.
11
00:00:25,556 --> 00:00:26,957
A pregnancy test.
12
00:00:26,958 --> 00:00:29,259
That's empty.
What?
13
00:00:29,260 --> 00:00:32,462
I had two free minutes,
and you never know.
14
00:00:32,463 --> 00:00:34,631
Can we move this along?
15
00:00:34,632 --> 00:00:37,901
I'm an old man,
and I need to get to bed.
16
00:00:37,902 --> 00:00:40,403
You are late to meet woman
for hot date.
17
00:00:40,404 --> 00:00:42,773
You know it.
18
00:00:42,774 --> 00:00:45,942
A wallet and...
19
00:00:45,943 --> 00:00:48,845
No money.
20
00:00:48,846 --> 00:00:50,514
What?
If I was pregnant,
21
00:00:50,515 --> 00:00:53,118
I needed it for the baby.
22
00:00:55,119 --> 00:00:58,522
And finally
for the sixth month in a row...
23
00:00:58,523 --> 00:00:59,923
The wig.
24
00:00:59,924 --> 00:01:03,293
The wig!
25
00:01:03,294 --> 00:01:05,095
Han, it's your turn.
26
00:01:05,096 --> 00:01:06,596
We have all put it on
except you.
27
00:01:06,597 --> 00:01:08,498
If I had to take
a picture in it,
28
00:01:08,499 --> 00:01:10,333
you have to take
a picture in it.
29
00:01:10,334 --> 00:01:11,668
Okay, fine.
30
00:01:11,669 --> 00:01:13,837
Man, I'm a fun boss.
31
00:01:21,713 --> 00:01:23,547
Oh, sorry, sir.
We're closed.
32
00:01:23,548 --> 00:01:26,016
I was just checking
if I left my toupee here.
33
00:01:26,017 --> 00:01:28,785
Take the picture quick.
34
00:01:30,288 --> 00:01:31,989
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
35
00:01:31,990 --> 00:01:34,891
2x08
And the Egg Special
36
00:01:34,892 --> 00:01:37,362
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
37
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:44,679
Sync & corrections by Alice
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne
www.addic7ed.com
38
00:01:46,687 --> 00:01:47,820
I got it.
Here it is.
39
00:01:47,821 --> 00:01:49,188
The new Martha Stewart Living.
40
00:01:49,189 --> 00:01:50,790
I ran so fast,
the librarian said,
41
00:01:50,791 --> 00:01:52,825
"Stop running in the library,"
and I almost said,
42
00:01:52,826 --> 00:01:55,027
"This is different.
I'm stealing."
43
00:01:55,028 --> 00:01:56,662
Why are you still even looking
44
00:01:56,663 --> 00:01:58,497
through Martha Stewart Living
every month?
45
00:01:58,498 --> 00:01:59,999
'Cause we might be mentioned
in it.
46
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,367
Martha said she hadn't forgotten
about us.
47
00:02:01,368 --> 00:02:02,668
That's what my mother said,
48
00:02:02,669 --> 00:02:04,036
but I spent
a whole day and night
49
00:02:04,037 --> 00:02:05,538
in that school parking lot.
50
00:02:06,039 --> 00:02:08,240
Silver lining--
I still know the whole rap part
51
00:02:08,241 --> 00:02:10,309
to TLC's Waterfalls.
52
00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:12,378
Well, I'm still holding out
hope we're in this,
53
00:02:12,379 --> 00:02:14,814
even though I've been hurt
two months in a row.
54
00:02:14,815 --> 00:02:16,482
Oh, God, am I
in an abusive relationship
55
00:02:16,483 --> 00:02:18,351
with a lifestyle guru?
56
00:02:19,752 --> 00:02:22,021
Okay, let's get this
over with.
57
00:02:22,022 --> 00:02:23,989
"How to make him
love your salmon."
58
00:02:23,990 --> 00:02:25,391
"How to make him
love your stretch marks."
59
00:02:25,392 --> 00:02:27,727
Hey, he just doesn't love you.
60
00:02:27,728 --> 00:02:29,895
Activia ad, Activia ad,
Activia ad.
61
00:02:29,896 --> 00:02:32,498
We get it, Jamie Lee.
You poop lot.
62
00:02:32,499 --> 00:02:35,601
- "Get your oven Martha-clean,"
"Max's something cupcakes"
63
00:02:35,602 --> 00:02:38,404
scarf, scarf, scarf.
Wait, Max's cupcakes?
64
00:02:38,405 --> 00:02:40,473
You just said,
"Max's something cupcakes."
65
00:02:40,474 --> 00:02:43,442
I did?
Wow, my ears are so not used
66
00:02:43,443 --> 00:02:45,277
to anything good
coming out of my mouth.
67
00:02:45,278 --> 00:02:46,712
There.
There. Look.
68
00:02:46,713 --> 00:02:48,547
"Max's Homemade Cupcakes
69
00:02:48,548 --> 00:02:51,751
is a Williamsburg must-have."
70
00:02:51,752 --> 00:02:53,452
What's this?
What's my face doing?
71
00:02:53,453 --> 00:02:55,955
- You're smiling, Max.
- No way!
72
00:02:55,956 --> 00:02:57,456
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
73
00:02:57,457 --> 00:02:59,291
It's a blurb.
Everyone, we got a blurb
74
00:02:59,292 --> 00:03:00,760
in Martha Stewart Living.
75
00:03:00,761 --> 00:03:02,228
Can I get some more coffee?
76
00:03:02,229 --> 00:03:04,296
Are you insane?
77
00:03:04,297 --> 00:03:06,565
Hey, everyone.
78
00:03:06,566 --> 00:03:07,833
What's the excitement?
79
00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:10,102
Is it 'cause I'm here?
80
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:12,471
Sophie, look,
Max's homemade cupcakes
81
00:03:12,472 --> 00:03:14,507
got a blurb
in Martha Stewart Living.
82
00:03:14,508 --> 00:03:16,342
Oh, that's funny,
83
00:03:16,843 --> 00:03:20,112
'cause I got a blurb
in New York Apartment Life.
84
00:03:20,613 --> 00:03:24,250
Look. "Sophie's Choice
Cleaning Service--"
85
00:03:24,751 --> 00:03:27,987
they clean
like their life depends on it."
86
00:03:28,988 --> 00:03:31,357
Well, that's not exactly
the same.
87
00:03:31,358 --> 00:03:36,462
No, 'cause, look,
I got three plungers.
88
00:03:36,463 --> 00:03:39,131
Yeah, but I didn't want
to brag.
89
00:03:39,132 --> 00:03:41,033
That must be Andy
90
00:03:41,034 --> 00:03:42,835
wondering if I'm coming over
to have sex tonight.
91
00:03:42,836 --> 00:03:45,471
Could my life get any better?
92
00:03:46,472 --> 00:03:47,973
Oh, my God.
It could get better.
93
00:03:47,974 --> 00:03:50,042
There are, like,
ten cupcake orders here.
94
00:03:50,043 --> 00:03:51,877
Birthday,
baby shower, bris.
95
00:03:51,878 --> 00:03:53,646
Can we do a bris?
96
00:03:53,647 --> 00:03:55,581
Sure. I'll just make
a little rosette foreskin
97
00:03:55,582 --> 00:03:57,216
and write around the outside,
98
00:03:57,217 --> 00:04:01,587
"Congratulations on not
terrifying women in 20 years."
99
00:04:03,656 --> 00:04:04,390
Hey, Andy.
100
00:04:04,391 --> 00:04:05,558
Hi, candy.
101
00:04:06,559 --> 00:04:07,293
Did you see it?
102
00:04:07,294 --> 00:04:08,961
Did you see
the new Martha Stewart Living?
103
00:04:08,962 --> 00:04:10,763
Oh, sorry, no.
I still have to get
104
00:04:10,764 --> 00:04:13,065
through my Glamour
and Modern Bride.
105
00:04:13,066 --> 00:04:16,235
And I had sisters, so I'm
allowed to know those names.
106
00:04:16,236 --> 00:04:17,937
"A Williamsburg must-have."
Nice.
107
00:04:17,938 --> 00:04:19,605
You know I feel
the same way about you.
108
00:04:19,606 --> 00:04:21,807
Aw, cute, but it really
doesn't mean anything
109
00:04:21,808 --> 00:04:24,477
unless it's in a blurb.
110
00:04:24,478 --> 00:04:26,111
I couldn't wait
to show this to you.
111
00:04:26,112 --> 00:04:28,147
I'm so glad you were here late
doing inventory.
112
00:04:28,148 --> 00:04:29,682
Yeah, you know,
it's the weirdest thing.
113
00:04:29,683 --> 00:04:31,383
The only thing
I can't account for
114
00:04:31,384 --> 00:04:33,552
is one missing
Elvis pez dispenser, Max.
115
00:04:34,553 --> 00:04:37,323
Um, I don't know what
you're talking about, but...
116
00:04:37,824 --> 00:04:39,758
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
117
00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:41,560
Can we please get back
to the blurb?
118
00:04:41,561 --> 00:04:43,028
Sorry.
You're right.
119
00:04:43,029 --> 00:04:44,830
I should have made
a bigger deal about it.
120
00:04:44,831 --> 00:04:46,065
It's just I've been
a little freaked out.
121
00:04:46,066 --> 00:04:47,366
We had
some big drama here today.
122
00:04:47,367 --> 00:04:49,235
Drama in a candy store?
123
00:04:49,236 --> 00:04:51,303
Did the yogurt-covered craisins
finally realize
124
00:04:51,304 --> 00:04:54,573
how stupid they are
and commit mass suicide?
125
00:04:54,574 --> 00:04:56,308
No, but seriously
they pulled some bodies
126
00:04:56,309 --> 00:04:58,244
out of the closed-down soup
kitchen across the way tonight.
127
00:04:59,245 --> 00:05:02,147
So now we're completely
off the blurb?
128
00:05:02,148 --> 00:05:04,250
Some guys broke in.
A bunch of people got shot.
129
00:05:04,251 --> 00:05:06,418
Apparently, it was
a drug deal gone wrong.
130
00:05:06,419 --> 00:05:07,920
Oh, my God.
That's horrible.
131
00:05:07,921 --> 00:05:11,991
I know. Why can't a drug deal
ever go right?
132
00:05:11,992 --> 00:05:14,159
Hey, they said
it was a real bloodbath.
133
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,897
I want to see it!
134
00:05:17,898 --> 00:05:21,200
Oh, okay, so I'm closing
the magazine then?
135
00:05:22,201 --> 00:05:22,902
Max, you can't go in there.
136
00:05:22,903 --> 00:05:25,137
It's a crime scene.
There's police tape.
137
00:05:28,475 --> 00:05:30,209
Is she magic?
138
00:05:31,210 --> 00:05:33,279
One of my mom's boyfriends
used to rob electronic stores.
139
00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:35,814
He took me once
for my birthday.
140
00:05:37,617 --> 00:05:41,220
Hmm, there should be
a light switch around here.
141
00:05:41,721 --> 00:05:44,223
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, that's really gross.
142
00:05:44,224 --> 00:05:45,891
That's the greatest thing
I've ever seen!
143
00:05:47,892 --> 00:05:49,628
Take a picture
of me over here.
144
00:05:49,629 --> 00:05:52,500
I finally have a reason
to join Instagram.
145
00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:56,802
People are gonna be like,
"food, food,
146
00:05:56,803 --> 00:05:59,773
cat, food, nails, nails,
murder?"
147
00:06:01,774 --> 00:06:03,008
Guys, I can't be in here.
148
00:06:03,009 --> 00:06:06,011
I get queasy if the meat juice
touches my peas.
149
00:06:06,012 --> 00:06:07,846
Is this
your first blood splatter?
150
00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:10,849
Jeez, someone's a princess.
151
00:06:10,850 --> 00:06:13,185
Man, they are never gonna be
able to rent this place now.
152
00:06:13,186 --> 00:06:15,287
I'm gonna go over to my store
and put blood on the walls
153
00:06:15,288 --> 00:06:17,190
so Max will like it more.
154
00:06:19,191 --> 00:06:20,292
Max, look around.
155
00:06:20,293 --> 00:06:21,727
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
156
00:06:21,728 --> 00:06:23,629
Yup.
The shooter stood here,
157
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:24,863
and, based
on the blood splatter,
158
00:06:24,864 --> 00:06:26,732
he was short
and walked with a limp.
159
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,001
And his name was Mad Dog.
160
00:06:29,002 --> 00:06:31,036
'Cause I want that
to be his name.
161
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:34,306
No, Max, you know how we've
always wanted our own shop?
162
00:06:34,547 --> 00:06:35,674
This is it.
163
00:06:35,975 --> 00:06:37,977
This is Max's homemade cupcakes.
164
00:06:38,478 --> 00:06:40,579
Oh.
Yeah, I see that.
165
00:06:40,580 --> 00:06:42,181
And we can put our red velvets
over there
166
00:06:42,182 --> 00:06:45,417
by the random skull fragments.
167
00:06:45,668 --> 00:06:48,103
Besides, I thought our shop
was gonna be in Manhattan.
168
00:06:48,104 --> 00:06:49,338
Manhattan's over.
169
00:06:49,339 --> 00:06:51,506
Williamsburg
is the new hot area,
170
00:06:51,507 --> 00:06:54,810
and besides Martha's blurb says
we're a Williamsburg must-have,
171
00:06:54,811 --> 00:06:56,678
so we must have this space.
172
00:06:56,679 --> 00:06:59,815
No, we must have the money.
173
00:06:59,816 --> 00:07:02,818
I mean, this place has got
to be, like, $4,000 a month.
174
00:07:02,819 --> 00:07:05,120
Was.
Was $4,000 a month.
175
00:07:05,121 --> 00:07:09,324
That was the pre-tragedy price.
176
00:07:09,325 --> 00:07:11,828
When people die,
it's a buyer's market.
177
00:07:13,329 --> 00:07:15,597
You want to rent a room
in that Shining hotel now,
178
00:07:15,598 --> 00:07:17,599
it's, like, 50 bucks a night.
179
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,035
Well, obviously
I wanna start a business
180
00:07:20,036 --> 00:07:22,337
in a place where there
was a shooting spree.
181
00:07:22,338 --> 00:07:25,774
And, if we go with red,
it's half painted.
182
00:07:25,775 --> 00:07:27,643
But where are we
gonna get the money?
183
00:07:27,644 --> 00:07:29,978
This blurb is our money
in the bank.
184
00:07:29,979 --> 00:07:31,780
Oh, yeah, that's another thing
we don't have.
185
00:07:31,781 --> 00:07:33,048
A bank.
186
00:07:33,049 --> 00:07:35,050
There are places
set up by women
187
00:07:35,051 --> 00:07:37,653
specifically to support
other women's small businesses.
188
00:07:37,654 --> 00:07:40,856
I'm talking
girl-on-girl financing.
189
00:07:40,857 --> 00:07:43,458
That's hot.
190
00:07:43,459 --> 00:07:45,394
But I don't care
how much money they offer us.
191
00:07:45,395 --> 00:07:47,963
I'm not braiding anyone's hair.
192
00:07:47,964 --> 00:07:49,331
But are we ready?
193
00:07:49,832 --> 00:07:51,300
Okay, yes.
194
00:07:51,301 --> 00:07:53,669
This is a big leap of faith,
but we're getting in
195
00:07:53,670 --> 00:07:55,370
lots of orders now
thanks to the blurb.
196
00:07:55,371 --> 00:07:57,639
And what's the worst thing
that could happen?
197
00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:01,043
Um, maybe these
could be our brains.
198
00:08:01,044 --> 00:08:03,011
No, not gonna happen.
199
00:08:03,012 --> 00:08:04,079
We're gonna kill it.
200
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,881
No disrespect to any spirits
201
00:08:05,882 --> 00:08:08,517
still trying to find
their way into the light.
202
00:08:08,518 --> 00:08:09,851
I'll figure out a place,
and we'll go
203
00:08:09,852 --> 00:08:11,486
first thing in the morning.
204
00:08:11,487 --> 00:08:13,388
Find something business-y
to wear, less cleavage.
205
00:08:13,389 --> 00:08:16,325
Oh, these are all business.
206
00:08:16,326 --> 00:08:18,860
Great, I'm gonna go find Andy.
207
00:08:18,861 --> 00:08:22,931
What is it about real estate
that makes you wanna dry hump?
208
00:08:25,201 --> 00:08:26,702
Max, I'm so excited.
209
00:08:26,703 --> 00:08:28,170
We're getting our dream.
210
00:08:28,171 --> 00:08:30,038
You look like you want a hug.
211
00:08:30,039 --> 00:08:31,508
I do.
212
00:08:38,848 --> 00:08:40,450
Good night.
213
00:08:48,377 --> 00:08:50,094
"Max's Homemade Cupcakes,"
214
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:52,048
you're up.
215
00:08:54,550 --> 00:08:55,800
Caroline,
why didn't you pick up?
216
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:57,435
They just called us early,
and I don't know
217
00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,053
what to write on the paper.
218
00:08:59,055 --> 00:09:01,439
And I feel like an idiot,
my boobs are suffocating,
219
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:04,592
and the only "business" thing
I could find was Han's blazer.
220
00:09:04,594 --> 00:09:07,195
It's itchy, and there's
a piece of paper in the pocket
221
00:09:07,197 --> 00:09:08,262
with his name on it.
222
00:09:08,264 --> 00:09:09,780
Why would he have that?
223
00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:12,900
"Max's Homemade Cupcakes,"
224
00:09:12,902 --> 00:09:14,202
time is money.
225
00:09:14,204 --> 00:09:15,820
Um, here.
226
00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:18,372
But our appointment's
not for another 20 minutes.
227
00:09:18,374 --> 00:09:20,042
Have a seat.
228
00:09:21,544 --> 00:09:22,776
Cool place.
229
00:09:22,778 --> 00:09:24,945
Women's small businesses.
230
00:09:24,947 --> 00:09:26,881
Sisters doing it for themselves.
231
00:09:26,883 --> 00:09:28,799
Well, I'm doing it
232
00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:31,252
for the medical benefits.
233
00:09:31,254 --> 00:09:33,554
- Go.
- Oh, now?
234
00:09:33,556 --> 00:09:35,756
Before she gets here?
235
00:09:35,758 --> 00:09:38,309
Um, well, I'm not really much
of a business person.
236
00:09:38,611 --> 00:09:42,563
Great way to start
a business loan application.
237
00:09:43,065 --> 00:09:43,964
Go!
238
00:09:43,966 --> 00:09:45,169
You have a minute.
239
00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:53,658
Okay, well, um,
how much time do I have now?
240
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:56,027
Slightly less than a minute.
241
00:09:56,729 --> 00:09:59,447
Okay, uh, my business partner
242
00:09:59,449 --> 00:10:01,449
could explain this
better than me, but I'll try.
243
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,419
We have a cupcake business.
244
00:10:05,421 --> 00:10:09,457
And we bake cupcakes
in my roommate's bedroom.
245
00:10:10,459 --> 00:10:11,792
I can't hear you.
246
00:10:12,294 --> 00:10:15,346
You want to write it down,
draw it, shape it in clay?
247
00:10:16,848 --> 00:10:18,099
I would have
filled this out more,
248
00:10:18,101 --> 00:10:20,268
but that chick over there
wouldn't let me cheat off her.
249
00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:22,503
She's not a girl's girl,
know what I mean?
250
00:10:23,505 --> 00:10:25,356
Very professional.
251
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,608
Under past loan repayment,
252
00:10:27,610 --> 00:10:31,529
you put, "Paid Todd back
all the beer money I owed."
253
00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:34,365
To be fair,
he was drunk all the time.
254
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,733
I could have just said I did.
255
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:37,068
Points for honesty.
256
00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:40,871
Let's get you
a new loan application.
257
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:42,356
Just got your message.
258
00:10:42,358 --> 00:10:44,191
The one time I don't come early.
259
00:10:44,193 --> 00:10:48,796
Speaking of that, I just had
the most amazing orgasm.
260
00:10:48,798 --> 00:10:50,414
I mean, we've been having
really great sex,
261
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:53,801
but this morning,
I could not get enough of his--
262
00:10:53,803 --> 00:10:57,705
projected growth ratio
investment analysis.
263
00:10:57,707 --> 00:10:59,006
Hello, Caroline Channing.
264
00:10:59,008 --> 00:11:00,391
Wharton class of '09.
265
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,810
That's our business proposal.
266
00:11:02,812 --> 00:11:04,211
And I would be
a little embarrassed
267
00:11:04,213 --> 00:11:05,730
about what just happened
if I didn't know
268
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,214
that we're all just girls here.
269
00:11:07,216 --> 00:11:09,100
Can we move this along?
270
00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:12,436
I got a busted toilet
and a pregnant dog at home.
271
00:11:14,656 --> 00:11:16,774
Why didn't you tell me
she was under there?
272
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:18,943
Oh, sorry,
I wasn't expecting a monologue
273
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:21,162
from
Confessions of a Call Girl.
274
00:11:21,164 --> 00:11:23,998
I'm afraid we're gonna have
to deny the loan.
275
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,917
Why? Because she had
a good orgasm?
276
00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:30,171
Isn't that what the '70s
was about for you gals?
277
00:11:30,173 --> 00:11:32,423
You have no business history.
278
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,175
And that's a requirement for us.
279
00:11:34,677 --> 00:11:36,594
Well, I think we're done here.
280
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:39,046
Yeah.
I just said that.
281
00:11:39,048 --> 00:11:40,414
I thought you guys were
282
00:11:40,416 --> 00:11:42,600
about supporting
small women's business.
283
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:45,419
And this small woman's
"bidness" needs support
284
00:11:45,421 --> 00:11:47,722
after the pounding
it took today.
285
00:11:47,724 --> 00:11:49,974
Max, let's go.
286
00:11:54,429 --> 00:11:56,430
Okay, there's a bank
in New Hampshire
287
00:11:56,432 --> 00:11:58,766
that doesn't check anything.
288
00:11:58,768 --> 00:12:01,435
And before someone else
grabs our cupcake space,
289
00:12:01,437 --> 00:12:02,987
I say we get on a bus
and go up there.
290
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:04,739
They won't give out
their exact address,
291
00:12:04,741 --> 00:12:06,741
but I know they're in
a mini mall with a white castle.
292
00:12:06,743 --> 00:12:08,108
Better idea.
293
00:12:08,910 --> 00:12:10,578
I went to Craigslist,
294
00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:13,164
clicked on "etc" and found
295
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,633
all kinds of opportunities
to make some cash.
296
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:18,252
I'm fighting the instinct
to weep, but keep going.
297
00:12:18,254 --> 00:12:20,788
At first I thought
I might call pit pig.
298
00:12:20,790 --> 00:12:22,306
He just wants
his armpits smelled,
299
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,641
but that's, like, 1,000 sniffs.
300
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:25,509
Big commitment.
301
00:12:25,511 --> 00:12:28,679
Or there's the weirdo
looking for pretty amputees,
302
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,231
but that feels
like a bigger commitment.
303
00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:32,566
So, check it.
304
00:12:32,568 --> 00:12:33,768
"Egg donors needed.
305
00:12:33,770 --> 00:12:35,086
Ten to twenty grand."
306
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,521
No way,
I could never sell my eggs.
307
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:38,823
I mean, wouldn't you
hate to think
308
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:40,241
you had a kid out there
and not know it?
309
00:12:40,243 --> 00:12:41,611
I probably do.
310
00:12:43,613 --> 00:12:47,331
In 2006, I invented the Four Loko
and Robitussin smoothie.
311
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,999
It's pretty much
a blackout year.
312
00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:51,786
Seriously, for the right price
I'd sell 'em all.
313
00:12:51,788 --> 00:12:53,154
Really?
314
00:12:53,156 --> 00:12:55,222
I mean,
I know you've always been tough.
315
00:12:55,224 --> 00:12:56,490
To hear you tell it,
you were part
316
00:12:56,492 --> 00:12:58,159
of an underground
baby fight club.
317
00:12:58,161 --> 00:13:00,177
But don't you wanna be
a mom some day?
318
00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:01,995
In the history of the world,
319
00:13:01,997 --> 00:13:04,164
give me one example
of a really good mother.
320
00:13:04,666 --> 00:13:05,966
You're putting me on the spot.
321
00:13:05,968 --> 00:13:08,052
All I can think of
is Hilary Duff.
322
00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:10,388
Look, you're complicating this
323
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,390
with these things
you call emotions.
324
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:13,841
Like it or not...
325
00:13:15,845 --> 00:13:18,012
I'm an egg farm.
326
00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:20,781
Because we don't know one single
person outside of New Hampshire
327
00:13:20,783 --> 00:13:22,283
who can lend us
that kind of money.
328
00:13:22,285 --> 00:13:26,620
Yoo-hoo, girls,
look out the window.
329
00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:30,692
Up here!
It's me!
330
00:13:32,194 --> 00:13:36,163
Oleg and I would like
two cupcakes please.
331
00:13:37,165 --> 00:13:38,916
I feel weird
asking Sophie for money.
332
00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:40,584
And how do we
even know she has any?
333
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:42,586
Well, she's building
her dream house in Poland
334
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:44,538
between a former death camp
and a new W.
335
00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:46,424
She's gotta be loaded.
336
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,592
And Sophie's the kind of woman
who understands our dreams.
337
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:49,812
Come in.
338
00:13:56,184 --> 00:13:58,185
That's exactly
what I thought would be
339
00:13:58,187 --> 00:13:59,520
on the other side of that door.
340
00:13:59,522 --> 00:14:02,406
Oleg, sweetie,
we have company.
341
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,825
I brought you an ass pillow.
342
00:14:05,827 --> 00:14:08,946
Nice to see you like this
outside of work, girls, no?
343
00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:13,066
No.
344
00:14:13,968 --> 00:14:17,955
Girls, did you see
my big hanging thing?
345
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:20,674
Yeah, we kinda just saw it.
346
00:14:20,676 --> 00:14:25,412
No, I'm talking about my new
ch-andelier for my lake house.
347
00:14:25,414 --> 00:14:29,082
Yeah, I can totally see you
drinking ch-ardonnay under it.
348
00:14:29,084 --> 00:14:31,769
Oh, Max, you are so funny.
349
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,654
She's a real ch-aracter.
350
00:14:33,656 --> 00:14:36,140
Yeah, that's not a word.
351
00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:38,325
Okay, well,
we just wanted to bring you
352
00:14:38,327 --> 00:14:40,694
some more cupcakes
for free, per usual,
353
00:14:40,696 --> 00:14:43,764
and perhaps talk about
a possible business venture.
354
00:14:43,766 --> 00:14:45,933
Oh, sorry, girls.
355
00:14:45,935 --> 00:14:48,101
I have two rules in life:
356
00:14:48,103 --> 00:14:51,772
Never drink
from the same well as a gypsy
357
00:14:51,774 --> 00:14:55,292
and never lend money
to friends.
358
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:57,328
And, Max, you are my friend.
359
00:14:58,030 --> 00:15:00,214
Okay, well, we were just
checking, but thanks anyway.
360
00:15:00,216 --> 00:15:01,465
But, Sophie,
just hear us out.
361
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,116
It's a wonderful opportunity,
362
00:15:03,118 --> 00:15:04,635
and we'll of course
pay you back with interest.
363
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,554
Okay, buh-bye.
364
00:15:06,556 --> 00:15:11,425
- Let's go. We tried it.
- Now it's----time.
365
00:15:12,127 --> 00:15:14,127
You are not harvesting
your body for money.
366
00:15:14,129 --> 00:15:15,763
What's the big deal?
367
00:15:15,765 --> 00:15:19,099
I sold two kidneys
for a down payment on my house.
368
00:15:19,101 --> 00:15:21,602
Not true.
You need at least one to live.
369
00:15:22,104 --> 00:15:25,990
Oh, well,
they weren't mine.
370
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:28,609
Well, you know
what we have to do.
371
00:15:28,611 --> 00:15:30,995
Let's get the bawk
out of here.
372
00:15:38,159 --> 00:15:40,510
And you're sure you're okay
with selling your eggs, right?
373
00:15:40,512 --> 00:15:42,613
Totally. What do I care?
I've got a million of 'em.
374
00:15:42,615 --> 00:15:44,981
I'm happy to lose a few.
More room for beer.
375
00:15:45,483 --> 00:15:47,033
Lose some eggs,
more room for beer.
376
00:15:47,135 --> 00:15:49,051
It's crazy
that's not their slogan.
377
00:15:49,303 --> 00:15:51,137
So what'd they ask you
on the application?
378
00:15:51,139 --> 00:15:52,838
You know, income, hobbies,
379
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,473
"Did you ever
have sex in Africa?"
380
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:56,976
I wish.
381
00:15:56,978 --> 00:15:58,811
The closest I ever got
was a dude once
382
00:15:58,813 --> 00:16:01,781
put his hand up my skirt
in an Ethiopian restaurant.
383
00:16:01,783 --> 00:16:03,699
You know, now that we're here,
384
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:06,068
I think it's kind of wonderful
that places like this exist
385
00:16:06,070 --> 00:16:08,621
to help women who can't have
babies have babies.
386
00:16:08,623 --> 00:16:11,292
Hey, you think they
take points off for syphilis?
387
00:16:14,294 --> 00:16:15,878
Max, I think it's really noble
388
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,630
what you're doing
to get our dream.
389
00:16:17,632 --> 00:16:19,165
This is a very special day.
390
00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:21,867
How do you spell "chlamydia"?
391
00:16:22,369 --> 00:16:24,203
Well, no "k" s,
392
00:16:24,205 --> 00:16:26,972
and I personally
wouldn't heart the "I".
393
00:16:26,974 --> 00:16:28,674
Oh, thanks.
394
00:16:28,676 --> 00:16:31,560
And do I gotta put here
if my brother touched a kid?
395
00:16:31,562 --> 00:16:33,312
Max Black.
396
00:16:33,314 --> 00:16:34,880
Thank you for your interest,
397
00:16:34,882 --> 00:16:36,348
but I'm afraid we're
gonna have to pass.
398
00:16:36,350 --> 00:16:38,684
Why?
I didn't have sex in Africa.
399
00:16:38,686 --> 00:16:41,403
Yes, I know,
that was your one plus,
400
00:16:41,405 --> 00:16:42,938
but under "family history",
401
00:16:42,940 --> 00:16:45,658
you put "drinking"
and "secrets".
402
00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:47,743
I was being honest.
403
00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:51,113
Yeah, maybe too honest,
because under "education"
404
00:16:51,115 --> 00:16:53,232
you wrote, "Jeopardy reruns",
405
00:16:53,234 --> 00:16:55,668
and we're really
looking for college graduates.
406
00:16:55,670 --> 00:16:59,738
Jeez, I'll take "elitist"
for 500, Alex.
407
00:16:59,740 --> 00:17:01,674
Sorry, we're looking for girls
408
00:17:01,676 --> 00:17:03,509
that come
from Ivy league schools
409
00:17:03,511 --> 00:17:05,845
and have impressive
family backgrounds.
410
00:17:05,847 --> 00:17:07,913
Maybe her eggs
didn't go to Wharton
411
00:17:07,915 --> 00:17:10,082
and graduate at the top
of their class like I did,
412
00:17:10,084 --> 00:17:11,750
but just look at her.
413
00:17:11,752 --> 00:17:14,720
Who wouldn't want a baby
with such strength, beauty,
414
00:17:14,722 --> 00:17:18,090
and a rack so great
it could breast-feed itself?
415
00:17:18,092 --> 00:17:20,109
You went to Wharton?
416
00:17:20,111 --> 00:17:23,313
We pay $20,000
for Ivy league eggs.
417
00:17:28,402 --> 00:17:30,569
Wow, we're
taking blood already?
418
00:17:30,571 --> 00:17:33,906
I guess going to Wharton
does put you on the fast track.
419
00:17:33,908 --> 00:17:36,125
Just part of the process
to become a donor.
420
00:17:36,127 --> 00:17:38,010
I'm gonna go get some vials,
and I'll be right back.
421
00:17:39,012 --> 00:17:40,963
It's so cool of you
to do this.
422
00:17:40,965 --> 00:17:42,164
It says a lot about you.
423
00:17:42,166 --> 00:17:43,632
You know what says
a lot about me?
424
00:17:43,634 --> 00:17:45,217
The fact that I know
she tied you off wrong.
425
00:17:46,519 --> 00:17:47,303
I'm happy to do it.
426
00:17:47,305 --> 00:17:50,973
It's a small price to pay
to make our dream come true.
427
00:17:50,975 --> 00:17:53,008
I'm doin' this
to pay down some debt.
428
00:17:53,010 --> 00:17:55,811
I'm real deep
'cause of Powerball.
429
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,897
Whoa, dude,
how did you get through?
430
00:17:57,899 --> 00:18:02,101
I went to Harvard.
I'm like crazy-good at math.
431
00:18:02,103 --> 00:18:04,486
Max, she's making me nervous.
Close the curtain.
432
00:18:04,488 --> 00:18:06,305
And frankly,
I'm a little resentful.
433
00:18:06,307 --> 00:18:07,990
I didn't get into Harvard.
434
00:18:08,392 --> 00:18:09,808
Are you sure
you're okay with this?
435
00:18:09,810 --> 00:18:11,660
- 'Cause you seem a little jumpy.
- No, I'm fine.
436
00:18:11,662 --> 00:18:13,279
They're just taking
a little blood.
437
00:18:13,681 --> 00:18:14,646
Or from the looks of it,
438
00:18:14,648 --> 00:18:16,198
they're taking all of it.
439
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,450
There better be a nice juice
and a cookie after this.
440
00:18:19,702 --> 00:18:22,087
Please relax.
It's only eight vials.
441
00:18:22,589 --> 00:18:24,823
They gotta take a lot to
make sure they don't get a kid
442
00:18:24,825 --> 00:18:27,110
with, like, another kid
growing out of it.
443
00:18:28,512 --> 00:18:30,129
Max, this all
just got very real.
444
00:18:30,131 --> 00:18:32,548
- Hold my hand.
- You know I don't hold hands.
445
00:18:32,550 --> 00:18:35,801
Oh, you lesbians
are so high maintenance.
446
00:18:36,303 --> 00:18:37,469
Please?
447
00:18:37,471 --> 00:18:38,887
You don't think
I'm gonna give away
448
00:18:38,889 --> 00:18:40,356
my best egg, right?
449
00:18:40,358 --> 00:18:42,191
I'm not gonna give away
the concert pianist
450
00:18:42,193 --> 00:18:43,859
and get stuck with the guy
who breaks into homes
451
00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:45,477
and smells women's underwear?
452
00:18:45,479 --> 00:18:48,180
Well, either way,
you got a kid with a passion.
453
00:18:48,182 --> 00:18:49,681
But you don't have to do this.
454
00:18:49,683 --> 00:18:51,734
No, I can do this.
It's for our dream.
455
00:18:51,736 --> 00:18:53,018
But you don't have to do this.
456
00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:54,253
I can do this.
Put it in.
457
00:18:54,255 --> 00:18:55,520
It's already in.
458
00:18:55,522 --> 00:18:57,222
I can't do this.
459
00:18:57,224 --> 00:19:00,292
I'm not trashy,
I'm not some farm animal.
460
00:19:00,294 --> 00:19:02,378
Oh! Oh, my God!
461
00:19:06,382 --> 00:19:07,549
Oh, my God.
462
00:19:07,551 --> 00:19:10,135
I am so, so sorry!
463
00:19:10,137 --> 00:19:11,870
You know
what would be cute here?
464
00:19:11,872 --> 00:19:13,922
A cupcake store.
465
00:19:20,013 --> 00:19:22,548
Hi, Max.
Oh, it's chilly outside.
466
00:19:22,550 --> 00:19:26,218
Nipples everywhere.
467
00:19:26,220 --> 00:19:27,987
Have a seat.
I'll be right over.
468
00:19:27,989 --> 00:19:31,774
Oh, that's okay.
I texted my order in on the way.
469
00:19:31,776 --> 00:19:35,744
Hey, baby. I got your text.
Did you get my erotic haiku?
470
00:19:35,746 --> 00:19:37,396
I did.
471
00:19:37,398 --> 00:19:39,898
Did you get the picture I sent
of me and the dustbuster?
472
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:43,369
No, I didn't.
473
00:19:43,371 --> 00:19:47,623
Oh, no, Grandpa Yorgish!
474
00:19:48,925 --> 00:19:49,908
Look.
475
00:19:49,910 --> 00:19:51,343
Earl framed our blurb.
476
00:19:51,345 --> 00:19:55,914
- He did? That is so sweet.
- What?
477
00:19:56,916 --> 00:19:59,751
I always saw it as bigger
on the wall in our shop.
478
00:19:59,753 --> 00:20:02,554
Look, the shop
is an amazing idea,
479
00:20:02,556 --> 00:20:03,972
and, if it's not
that space right now,
480
00:20:03,974 --> 00:20:05,224
it'll be another.
481
00:20:05,226 --> 00:20:06,642
I mean, there have to be
mass murders
482
00:20:06,644 --> 00:20:08,260
all over Brooklyn, right?
483
00:20:09,262 --> 00:20:10,863
If we're lucky.
484
00:20:10,865 --> 00:20:12,698
And, even
if it didn't work out,
485
00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:14,450
it's still the closest
I've ever come
486
00:20:14,452 --> 00:20:16,601
to something great,
and that's cool.
487
00:20:16,603 --> 00:20:20,289
And someday we'll find someone
crazy enough to lend us money.
488
00:20:20,291 --> 00:20:22,658
I say that because, if you can
convince me to believe a dream,
489
00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:23,659
you can get anyone.
490
00:20:24,161 --> 00:20:25,661
Pickup.
491
00:20:26,163 --> 00:20:28,914
Here you go, Sophie.
That's $11.25.
492
00:20:28,916 --> 00:20:30,517
Oh, you take a check, right?
493
00:20:32,319 --> 00:20:34,219
This is for $20,000.
494
00:20:34,221 --> 00:20:37,673
Oh, is it?
I thought it was for $20.
495
00:20:37,675 --> 00:20:39,559
Oh, well. Keep it.
496
00:20:40,961 --> 00:20:43,395
Maybe you could use it
for your dream,
497
00:20:43,397 --> 00:20:46,315
or to get your legs waxed,
or something.
498
00:20:46,317 --> 00:20:49,101
- Sophie, are you serious?
- Yes.
499
00:20:49,103 --> 00:20:51,653
Sophie, this is really,
really amazing.
500
00:20:51,655 --> 00:20:54,573
Oh, come on.
I don't need a parade.
501
00:20:54,575 --> 00:20:56,859
Just keep the cupcakes coming.
502
00:21:00,113 --> 00:21:01,697
Max, do you know
what this means?
503
00:21:01,699 --> 00:21:04,649
We are going to be
a Williamsburg must-have.
504
00:21:04,651 --> 00:21:06,752
We're getting our dream.
505
00:21:07,254 --> 00:21:08,871
I feel like you want a hug.
506
00:21:08,873 --> 00:21:11,673
I do.
507
00:21:17,873 --> 00:21:22,873
Sync & corrections by Alice
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne
www.addic7ed.com