1
00:00:00,930 --> 00:00:02,430
Buying a phone's a big deal.
2
00:00:02,443 --> 00:00:04,107
I mean think of how long
you'll have this thing.
3
00:00:04,149 --> 00:00:06,683
It's like buying
a car or a bra.
4
00:00:06,914 --> 00:00:08,447
Eight years, man.
(snaps) Ow.
5
00:00:08,602 --> 00:00:11,104
Hey, uh, sorry, I was just
checking your credit score,
6
00:00:11,171 --> 00:00:13,906
and I got this number
that's crazily low,
7
00:00:13,974 --> 00:00:15,608
so I'll try again.
8
00:00:15,676 --> 00:00:17,443
Don't bother.
I'm sure it's right.
9
00:00:17,511 --> 00:00:19,512
- Seriously?
- Are you kidding me?
10
00:00:20,079 --> 00:00:22,480
250?! You get 150
just for being alive.
11
00:00:22,558 --> 00:00:23,481
SALESMAN:
Hey, Mojan!
12
00:00:23,549 --> 00:00:25,050
Got a 250 credit score!
13
00:00:25,118 --> 00:00:27,919
Well, I guess the $40 I saved
on that Gap card didn't pay off.
14
00:00:27,987 --> 00:00:29,920
Do you have, like,
a box of charity phones
15
00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:30,989
you're sending to Africa?
16
00:00:31,057 --> 00:00:32,991
- Can he just have one of those?
- Claire, Brendan,
17
00:00:33,059 --> 00:00:34,592
this guy's got
a 250 credit score.
18
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:36,427
We're bringing everybody out?
19
00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:39,529
Look at this.
(laughing)
20
00:00:39,596 --> 00:00:41,365
Oh, I'm sorry. I've been
doing this a long time.
21
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:44,067
I've just never seen
a score this low.
22
00:00:44,135 --> 00:00:45,736
Did you just wake up
from a coma?
23
00:00:48,288 --> 00:00:50,957
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
24
00:00:51,076 --> 00:00:52,710
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
25
00:00:52,711 --> 00:00:55,044
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess. ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
26
00:00:55,212 --> 00:00:56,680
But you've always
wanted a thing.
27
00:00:56,747 --> 00:00:59,315
This could be your thing,
like, the guy with no phone.
28
00:00:59,883 --> 00:01:00,616
Well, who is that guy?
29
00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:01,885
I don't want to be that guy.
30
00:01:01,952 --> 00:01:03,486
No, no, no,
it's like mysterious.
31
00:01:03,554 --> 00:01:05,088
It's like,
"I want to call Nick Miller."
32
00:01:05,156 --> 00:01:07,057
"You can't;
He doesn't have a phone."
33
00:01:07,624 --> 00:01:08,391
"What?!"
34
00:01:08,458 --> 00:01:10,358
You can go all Ghost Protocol
on everyone.
35
00:01:10,426 --> 00:01:11,526
See, that's cool.
36
00:01:11,594 --> 00:01:13,762
I mean, I always wanted
to be a mole person.
37
00:01:13,830 --> 00:01:16,331
SHELBY: Schmidt, you're the
Michael Jordan of bar trivia.
38
00:01:16,399 --> 00:01:18,300
We were in the
Greek mythology zone.
39
00:01:18,367 --> 00:01:19,802
I mean, you knew
every question.
40
00:01:19,869 --> 00:01:21,837
SCHMIDT:
Perseus, Icarus, Medusa...
41
00:01:21,905 --> 00:01:23,105
Medeuce, deuce!
44
00:01:25,841 --> 00:01:27,108
Like, what was
the tiebreaker you got?
45
00:01:27,176 --> 00:01:28,976
Calvin Coolidge's birthplace?
46
00:01:29,044 --> 00:01:30,377
Little Plymouth Notch, son.
47
00:01:30,445 --> 00:01:31,612
Wow, I'm done with this.
Hey, Shelby...
48
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:33,547
I mean, seriously,
how did you know that?
49
00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:34,716
Question:
How do you forget that?
50
00:01:34,783 --> 00:01:36,217
Answer: You don't.
51
00:01:36,784 --> 00:01:37,518
Jar!
52
00:01:37,586 --> 00:01:38,820
I'm gonna jar myself
on that one.
53
00:01:39,387 --> 00:01:41,788
- He's like a trivia god.
- Girl, get up.
54
00:01:41,856 --> 00:01:43,590
Winston,
don't worry about it, man.
55
00:01:43,657 --> 00:01:44,958
It's your public school
education.
56
00:01:45,026 --> 00:01:46,426
You'll catch up.
(door slams)
57
00:01:47,493 --> 00:01:48,895
Jar again.
58
00:01:54,835 --> 00:01:55,935
Excuse me?
59
00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:57,037
Oh, hi.
60
00:01:57,105 --> 00:01:59,330
Yeah, hi, hi, I'm Russell
Schiller, Sarah's dad.
61
00:01:59,539 --> 00:02:00,539
- Oh, yes.
- We spoke on the phone.
62
00:02:00,607 --> 00:02:01,607
I'm Jessica Day.
63
00:02:02,674 --> 00:02:03,542
Did you just curtsy?
64
00:02:04,110 --> 00:02:05,711
I did, yes; I did.
65
00:02:06,278 --> 00:02:07,012
Is this a bad time?
66
00:02:07,330 --> 00:02:08,881
Nope, no, no, no,
I was just cleaning up
67
00:02:08,949 --> 00:02:10,649
from the sexual health class.
68
00:02:11,217 --> 00:02:12,084
I had to take condoms
69
00:02:12,152 --> 00:02:13,685
off 30 cucumbers,
70
00:02:13,753 --> 00:02:16,086
and condoms are harder
to take off than I thought.
71
00:02:16,154 --> 00:02:17,222
I know how to put them on,
72
00:02:17,289 --> 00:02:18,857
but I didn't know
how to take them off.
73
00:02:18,924 --> 00:02:22,060
I guess someone else
has always done it for me.
74
00:02:23,128 --> 00:02:25,629
Yeah, I'm sorry. I just got
off a flight from London.
75
00:02:25,696 --> 00:02:27,347
Maybe I'm a little out of it.
76
00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:28,999
(British accent):
Oh, London.
77
00:02:29,267 --> 00:02:30,667
Did you have a busy sch...
78
00:02:31,434 --> 00:02:32,736
(British pronunciation):
Se-dule?
79
00:02:33,804 --> 00:02:34,971
Did you have fun?
80
00:02:35,039 --> 00:02:36,273
No, I was advising a merger.
81
00:02:36,340 --> 00:02:38,008
Oh, fair enough.
82
00:02:38,076 --> 00:02:42,612
Um, you wanted to talk to me
about Sarah's art.
83
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:45,314
So, this is one
of the pieces she did.
84
00:02:45,882 --> 00:02:47,784
Um...
85
00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:49,118
(chuckles)
86
00:02:49,186 --> 00:02:51,120
That one's called, um,
87
00:02:51,688 --> 00:02:52,955
"At the Mall with Grandma."
88
00:02:55,424 --> 00:02:57,326
She made that in dream-cess,
which is where, um,
89
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,262
I let the kids have time
to create something.
90
00:02:59,329 --> 00:03:01,730
Sarah's gonna be opting out
of dream-cess from now on.
91
00:03:01,798 --> 00:03:02,931
She'll use that same time
92
00:03:02,999 --> 00:03:05,533
to review her other schoolwork
with a tutor.
93
00:03:05,801 --> 00:03:07,935
Oh, did you talk to Sarah
about this?
94
00:03:08,003 --> 00:03:08,736
Well, I don't need to.
95
00:03:08,805 --> 00:03:11,339
I want her to know fractions
before she goes to high school.
96
00:03:11,407 --> 00:03:13,574
- Well, I follow the curriculum.
- My daughter is wearing doll's heads
97
00:03:13,642 --> 00:03:15,476
around her neck, so
whatever you're doing,
98
00:03:16,044 --> 00:03:17,878
keep it up.
99
00:03:17,946 --> 00:03:19,947
Okay, I talk to your daughter
every single day.
100
00:03:20,515 --> 00:03:22,249
Do you?
Because hiring a tutor
101
00:03:22,317 --> 00:03:24,651
is not the same thing
as spending time with her.
102
00:03:24,719 --> 00:03:26,586
I'm her father,
not her friend.
103
00:03:26,654 --> 00:03:29,656
I know what she needs.
104
00:03:29,724 --> 00:03:31,125
Give my best to Mrs. Monogamy.
105
00:03:31,193 --> 00:03:32,659
Cheerio.
106
00:03:35,011 --> 00:03:38,214
He's the third largest
donor in the city.
107
00:03:38,282 --> 00:03:40,816
We take his money and then what,
we have to answer to him?
108
00:03:40,884 --> 00:03:42,285
So, you're asking me
to give up my integrity?
109
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:43,519
That's what
I'm telling you to do.
110
00:03:43,587 --> 00:03:44,987
Yes, we need his money.
111
00:03:45,055 --> 00:03:46,489
So, he pulls his donation.
112
00:03:46,557 --> 00:03:49,125
You know what?
I'll raise the money myself.
113
00:03:49,193 --> 00:03:51,159
I'll get a ragtag group
of kids together.
114
00:03:51,227 --> 00:03:53,861
A lost soul, an orphan,
115
00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:56,431
a Jewish kid with a keyboard,
116
00:03:56,499 --> 00:03:58,333
a little slut who can dance,
117
00:03:58,401 --> 00:03:59,801
and one fatso,
118
00:03:59,868 --> 00:04:00,868
and I'll choreograph
some dances,
119
00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:02,270
make a show.
120
00:04:02,338 --> 00:04:03,805
You did that already, Jess.
121
00:04:03,872 --> 00:04:05,873
It's called the spring musical,
and it literally brought in $60.
122
00:04:06,441 --> 00:04:07,808
Please don't make
me apologize.
123
00:04:08,625 --> 00:04:09,310
You're gonna go to his office.
124
00:04:09,377 --> 00:04:11,479
You're gonna say
that you were wrong.
125
00:04:11,546 --> 00:04:13,880
Say you're never gonna let
the kids do anything creative
126
00:04:14,448 --> 00:04:15,382
ever again.
127
00:04:15,450 --> 00:04:16,783
From now on,
128
00:04:16,851 --> 00:04:19,753
your classroom
is full-on North Korea:
129
00:04:19,821 --> 00:04:21,622
Math! Math! Math!
130
00:04:21,889 --> 00:04:23,823
Make sure he doesn't
pull the donation.
131
00:04:25,226 --> 00:04:26,493
When he was yelling at you,
132
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,161
did do that little thing
with his mouth?
133
00:04:28,229 --> 00:04:29,996
You know,
that little smile thing?
134
00:04:30,063 --> 00:04:32,265
You know, like,
like where he goes, "Mmm"?
135
00:04:32,333 --> 00:04:33,733
That's really weird, Tanya.
136
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,168
Apologize.
137
00:04:37,261 --> 00:04:38,542
Why did you make
me look stupid
138
00:04:38,542 --> 00:04:40,473
- in front of Shelby
last nigh? - Wait, what?
139
00:04:40,729 --> 00:04:42,527
Which of the five
great lakes is located
140
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,633
entirely in the United States?
141
00:04:44,681 --> 00:04:46,682
- Lake Erie?
- Yeah, if Lake Michigan didn't exist
142
00:04:46,750 --> 00:04:49,051
and we won a fictional
U.S.-Canada war.
143
00:04:49,368 --> 00:04:51,103
- Lake Michigan.
- Correct!
144
00:04:53,739 --> 00:04:55,940
Oh, you want me
to take a dive next time?
145
00:04:56,008 --> 00:04:57,341
- Take a dive?
- You know, like pretend like
146
00:04:57,409 --> 00:04:58,843
you know more than me
when Shelby's around,
147
00:04:58,911 --> 00:05:00,812
so it seems like
you're smarter.
148
00:05:00,879 --> 00:05:03,180
I know you'd do the same thing
for me if I were the dumber one.
149
00:05:03,248 --> 00:05:05,149
Wow, okay,
so let me get this straight:
150
00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:07,618
You think because you know a
few facts about Princess Kate,
151
00:05:07,686 --> 00:05:09,226
- that makes you smarter than me?
- First of all,
152
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,889
Kate is a duchess and
whip-smart by all accounts.
153
00:05:11,923 --> 00:05:13,223
And second of all,
don't be so prideful.
154
00:05:13,290 --> 00:05:14,791
Look, man, there's
nothing wrong
155
00:05:14,859 --> 00:05:16,226
with being the second smartest
in the loft.
156
00:05:16,293 --> 00:05:18,261
You know what,
let me take that back.
157
00:05:18,329 --> 00:05:19,363
Jess is a teacher of children.
158
00:05:19,431 --> 00:05:20,831
You memorize facts.
159
00:05:20,898 --> 00:05:21,932
I can memorize facts.
160
00:05:21,999 --> 00:05:23,133
That doesn't make you smart.
161
00:05:23,201 --> 00:05:25,167
Okay, well, maybe,
162
00:05:25,235 --> 00:05:26,836
but I'm definitely smarter
than you.
163
00:05:26,903 --> 00:05:28,871
Whew! Glutes are done, my man.
164
00:05:28,939 --> 00:05:29,872
I'm gonna go to
the stairwell,
165
00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:31,808
work on my calves. Come with?
166
00:05:31,875 --> 00:05:33,976
Hell, no.
167
00:05:34,044 --> 00:05:35,211
You sure?
168
00:05:37,981 --> 00:05:38,981
JESS:
I have to grovel.
169
00:05:39,049 --> 00:05:40,014
I hate groveling.
170
00:05:40,082 --> 00:05:41,282
I would have lasted
two seconds
171
00:05:41,350 --> 00:05:43,618
in the court of the Sun King.
172
00:05:43,685 --> 00:05:45,054
- I think about that all the time.
- You do?
173
00:05:45,132 --> 00:05:47,389
Do you know how much I grovel
on a daily basis?
174
00:05:47,457 --> 00:05:49,224
It is literally obscene.
175
00:05:49,291 --> 00:05:50,059
Come the weekend,
176
00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:51,860
I'm the one
who's filling up my cart
177
00:05:51,927 --> 00:05:54,963
with Fila, Nautica,
Impulse Fila,
178
00:05:55,030 --> 00:05:56,329
Hilfiger, CK,
179
00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:57,765
BR Leather cuff,
180
00:05:57,832 --> 00:05:58,832
and more Fila.
181
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,300
This is the problem, Jess.
182
00:06:00,368 --> 00:06:01,601
It's rich people.
183
00:06:01,669 --> 00:06:03,336
We are right
where they want us, Jess:
184
00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,842
Just suckling on the
teat of consumerism.
185
00:06:05,842 --> 00:06:07,685
- Yeah. - That's the exact reason
I got rid of my phone.
186
00:06:07,708 --> 00:06:08,942
You were denied a cell phone
187
00:06:09,010 --> 00:06:11,745
because you have the credit
score of a homeless ghost.
188
00:06:11,812 --> 00:06:13,546
How I got here doesn't matter.
189
00:06:13,614 --> 00:06:14,881
You weigh more
than your credit score.
190
00:06:14,948 --> 00:06:16,082
I'm here now,
191
00:06:16,150 --> 00:06:17,317
- and I'm loving it.
- Yeah.
192
00:06:17,385 --> 00:06:18,785
I'm the guy with no phone.
193
00:06:19,352 --> 00:06:20,420
I mean, right now,
194
00:06:20,488 --> 00:06:22,220
I'm writing a letter
to my friend, Kev,
195
00:06:22,289 --> 00:06:24,623
seeing if he wants to party
with me this Friday.
196
00:06:25,691 --> 00:06:26,892
"What up, Kev?
197
00:06:27,260 --> 00:06:28,093
"You in?
198
00:06:28,161 --> 00:06:30,595
- Nick Miller."
- Yeah, Nick,
199
00:06:30,595 --> 00:06:32,514
he might pull the funding
from the school,
200
00:06:32,514 --> 00:06:33,427
so I'm just a little bit...
201
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:34,480
Blame your period.
202
00:06:34,534 --> 00:06:35,967
I've actually
done this before.
203
00:06:36,035 --> 00:06:37,335
I mean, both parties knew
204
00:06:37,403 --> 00:06:40,171
that I was lying, obviously,
205
00:06:40,238 --> 00:06:42,172
but it didn't matter
because they knew
206
00:06:42,190 --> 00:06:44,508
that I had utterly
humiliated myself,
207
00:06:44,575 --> 00:06:46,977
and at the end of the day,
they respected that.
208
00:06:47,045 --> 00:06:47,946
I'm sorry; I just feel like
209
00:06:48,014 --> 00:06:50,348
someone should suggest
a simple apology.
210
00:06:50,616 --> 00:06:52,316
I know that's not where
we're headed here,
211
00:06:52,383 --> 00:06:53,817
but I'm just gonna
go on record
212
00:06:53,884 --> 00:06:56,320
and say, I think
you should apologize
213
00:06:56,787 --> 00:06:57,821
- like a human.
- No!
214
00:06:58,088 --> 00:06:59,389
No! I'm going with Nick
215
00:06:59,457 --> 00:07:01,157
'cause I don't think
I have to apologize.
216
00:07:01,225 --> 00:07:03,226
NICK: Yeah, Jess, so
march into his office,
217
00:07:03,294 --> 00:07:06,863
and say, "Hey, Mr. Fancyman,
you can't tell me what to do.
218
00:07:06,931 --> 00:07:07,964
"Your money
219
00:07:08,032 --> 00:07:09,098
doesn't own me."
220
00:07:09,166 --> 00:07:10,966
And then throw
away your phone.
221
00:07:11,034 --> 00:07:12,635
Yeah, I'm gonna throw my phone
into the fiery chasm
222
00:07:12,703 --> 00:07:14,536
where he keeps
his poor people.
223
00:07:14,603 --> 00:07:15,805
Actually, scratch that.
224
00:07:15,872 --> 00:07:18,607
My mom's got your number
in case of emergency.
225
00:07:19,175 --> 00:07:21,409
I want her to think that I can
bring something to the table.
226
00:07:21,977 --> 00:07:23,578
I care
about this girl, Elvin.
227
00:07:23,746 --> 00:07:25,214
I want her
to be my girlfriend.
228
00:07:25,781 --> 00:07:28,650
She sees me, all she sees is a
part-time nanny, and that's...
229
00:07:28,718 --> 00:07:30,284
You are a part-time nanny.
230
00:07:30,653 --> 00:07:31,820
I want her to think I'm smart.
231
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,322
What about fake glasses?
232
00:07:34,389 --> 00:07:35,489
It worked for me.
233
00:07:36,726 --> 00:07:38,960
Okay, okay,
I'm on my way to his office,
234
00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:41,455
and I have a speech
I wrote for Fancyman,
235
00:07:41,455 --> 00:07:42,351
and I want to practice it.
236
00:07:42,351 --> 00:07:44,176
Why are you listening
to Nick?
237
00:07:44,176 --> 00:07:45,565
It is a horrible idea.
238
00:07:45,585 --> 00:07:46,588
Ghost Protocol, man.
239
00:07:46,588 --> 00:07:47,799
You're using my phone.
240
00:07:47,799 --> 00:07:49,199
It's not Ghost Protocol.
241
00:07:49,237 --> 00:07:51,104
It's you using my phone.
242
00:07:51,172 --> 00:07:53,640
This is a group call; I'm just
talking in my living room,
243
00:07:53,708 --> 00:07:55,442
and it happens to
go into that box.
244
00:07:55,510 --> 00:07:58,210
Okay, I'm gonna start with a
quote against social Darwinism,
245
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:00,446
then a discussion
of the Gilded Age,
246
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:01,981
the robber barons,
the Great Society,
247
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:03,683
how we ended up
with a huge wealth disparity
248
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:04,984
in this country,
249
00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,786
and then, I end
with a bluegrass version
250
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:08,621
of Public Enemy's
"Fight the Power."
251
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:09,622
Bad finish.
252
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:10,723
(engine knocking)
253
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:11,724
SCHMIDT:
What is that?
254
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,259
Are you driving a lawn mower?
255
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,726
No, I just...
256
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:15,868
(drivers yelling)
257
00:08:15,894 --> 00:08:17,128
It's my car.
258
00:08:17,196 --> 00:08:18,597
NICK: Look, this is a
great opportunity.
259
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:20,064
You need to ask yourself,
260
00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:21,800
where are you even going?
261
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:23,902
SCHMIDT: Buy a new car.
NICK: You don't need a car.
262
00:08:23,969 --> 00:08:26,304
(Nick and Shmidt bickering)
Oh, my car's stalled out.
263
00:08:26,872 --> 00:08:28,940
Can you guys come
and help me push it?
264
00:08:28,974 --> 00:08:31,475
Yeah, we'll be down
in a few minutes.
265
00:08:31,543 --> 00:08:32,743
MAN:
Hey, can I help you?
266
00:08:32,811 --> 00:08:34,378
What? Oh, hi.
267
00:08:35,246 --> 00:08:36,146
Um,
268
00:08:36,214 --> 00:08:38,849
Uh, Mr. Schiller, um,
269
00:08:38,917 --> 00:08:41,584
- how'd you know I was here?
- I was driving by and I saw you.
270
00:08:41,752 --> 00:08:43,320
My office is right here.
271
00:08:43,854 --> 00:08:46,355
Oh, oh, what a coincidence.
272
00:08:46,356 --> 00:08:47,924
I had no idea.
273
00:08:48,491 --> 00:08:49,258
Weird.
274
00:08:50,326 --> 00:08:51,227
What's wrong with the car?
275
00:08:51,228 --> 00:08:52,295
Guy sounds like
matinee idol.
276
00:08:52,396 --> 00:08:53,897
Shut up, Schmidt.
277
00:08:53,964 --> 00:08:55,765
I'm just pushing it
to the nearest gas station.
278
00:08:55,833 --> 00:08:57,934
It's like, a mile away,
so I'm fine.
279
00:08:58,001 --> 00:09:00,303
I know a guy;
He'll be here in ten.
280
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:02,604
- Oh, no, Mr. Schiller.
- Russell.
281
00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:04,440
Mr. Schiller, I can
take care of myself.
282
00:09:04,507 --> 00:09:06,542
It's how I was raised;
I wasn't raised with money,
283
00:09:06,609 --> 00:09:09,311
so when something broke,
we pretended it still worked.
284
00:09:09,378 --> 00:09:11,212
Some of my best memories
are pushing this car around
285
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:12,514
on family vacations.
286
00:09:12,582 --> 00:09:13,581
(phone chirping)
287
00:09:14,282 --> 00:09:15,182
Okay.
288
00:09:15,718 --> 00:09:17,652
Oh, yeah, tow truck's
on the way.
289
00:09:17,719 --> 00:09:20,020
Look, that's very nice
and generous of you,
290
00:09:20,088 --> 00:09:23,023
but I really... I-I mean,
I need my car, and...
291
00:09:24,091 --> 00:09:24,926
Here, let me help you.
292
00:09:26,793 --> 00:09:27,562
Take mine.
293
00:09:28,329 --> 00:09:29,396
- What?
- Take mine.
294
00:09:29,665 --> 00:09:31,766
- Here.
- No.
295
00:09:31,834 --> 00:09:33,602
Come on. Take mine.
296
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:35,602
Uh, I don't know how
to drive cars that work.
297
00:09:35,670 --> 00:09:36,770
You can drop it off
tomorrow night.
298
00:09:36,838 --> 00:09:38,304
I'm having a party, a cookout.
299
00:09:38,372 --> 00:09:39,805
Come on over any time.
Come on.
300
00:09:41,808 --> 00:09:42,808
Thank you so much.
301
00:09:42,976 --> 00:09:44,010
This is amazing.
302
00:09:44,078 --> 00:09:45,545
I will return it
washed and polished.
303
00:09:45,613 --> 00:09:46,980
- Do you think it's a superhero?
- No.
304
00:09:47,047 --> 00:09:49,648
I think it's Jess
and some weird guy.
305
00:09:49,716 --> 00:09:51,049
Miss Day?
306
00:09:51,117 --> 00:09:52,717
Jess--
you can call me Jess.
307
00:09:53,285 --> 00:09:55,088
Great, I'll see
you tomorrow, Jess.
308
00:09:57,655 --> 00:09:58,824
Go is the one on the right.
309
00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:01,726
The one on the left is stop.
310
00:10:01,794 --> 00:10:02,862
(quietly)
Thanks.
311
00:10:03,429 --> 00:10:04,930
- What kind of car is it?
- We are the 99%.
312
00:10:04,998 --> 00:10:06,631
- Is it an SL?
- We the 99%.
313
00:10:06,699 --> 00:10:08,099
Does it have a push ignition?
314
00:10:08,666 --> 00:10:10,101
Does it have a push ignition?
315
00:10:10,168 --> 00:10:11,402
Please tell me
it's not a hybrid.
316
00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:18,822
And then he gives me his car,
just hands me the keys.
317
00:10:18,857 --> 00:10:20,824
It's like so...
318
00:10:21,127 --> 00:10:23,795
Rich people! They're always
giving you their cars.
319
00:10:23,863 --> 00:10:25,330
It's like, let them eat cars.
320
00:10:25,397 --> 00:10:26,664
You know what he's doing?
321
00:10:26,732 --> 00:10:28,332
He's taking back the power,
322
00:10:28,399 --> 00:10:30,201
so I have to go
to his cookout,
323
00:10:30,268 --> 00:10:31,802
and instead of standing up
to him,
324
00:10:31,870 --> 00:10:33,003
I have to grovel.
325
00:10:33,071 --> 00:10:34,872
Just a thought:
326
00:10:34,940 --> 00:10:37,307
- What if he likes you?
-(scoffs) No, I hate him.
327
00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:40,677
This guy is single
and he's sweet.
328
00:10:40,746 --> 00:10:42,546
Sweet? No.
329
00:10:42,614 --> 00:10:43,713
He's not sweet.
330
00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:45,514
I would never go for that guy.
331
00:10:45,582 --> 00:10:47,217
- Why?
- Because he's the type of guy
332
00:10:47,284 --> 00:10:49,685
who has a linen closet
and a towel warmer.
333
00:10:49,754 --> 00:10:50,887
You know me.
334
00:10:50,955 --> 00:10:52,822
I'm only attracted to guys
335
00:10:52,890 --> 00:10:54,190
who are afraid of success
336
00:10:54,258 --> 00:10:55,558
and think someone famous
stole their idea.
337
00:10:55,626 --> 00:10:57,227
I like an underdog.
338
00:10:57,294 --> 00:10:59,828
- Spencer didn't even own sheets.
- Yeah. He slept
339
00:10:59,896 --> 00:11:01,329
- on a pile of washcloths.
- Can I say something
340
00:11:01,397 --> 00:11:02,965
to you now that
you're not gonna like?
341
00:11:03,032 --> 00:11:05,533
- Yeah. - Maybe Russell
intimidates you.
342
00:11:05,601 --> 00:11:07,583
Because you wouldn't have
to take care of him,
343
00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:08,932
because he would
take care of you,
344
00:11:08,932 --> 00:11:10,073
and that just terrifies you.
345
00:11:10,073 --> 00:11:10,826
Uh, no.
346
00:11:10,826 --> 00:11:14,262
Spencer...
wore... jellies.
347
00:11:14,763 --> 00:11:17,065
How many pounds
in a metric ton?
348
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:20,029
2,204.6. Next.
349
00:11:20,081 --> 00:11:22,972
In 1948, Albert
became the first...
350
00:11:22,972 --> 00:11:24,535
- American...
- ...American monkey in space.
351
00:11:24,535 --> 00:11:25,788
Let's go.
352
00:11:25,821 --> 00:11:27,889
- This ancient...
- Mesopotamia. Hit me.
353
00:11:27,956 --> 00:11:30,424
You don't actually know
what a Mesopotamia is.
354
00:11:30,492 --> 00:11:32,940
Of course I know what Mesopotamia is.
Don't be crazy.
355
00:11:32,940 --> 00:11:34,373
Use it in a sentence.
356
00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:38,231
Look, there's Mesopotamia.
357
00:11:38,299 --> 00:11:39,666
JESS:
So I'm going to have to draw
358
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,268
on your hatred of rich
people for this, okay?
359
00:11:41,335 --> 00:11:42,769
Hate me up.
360
00:11:42,837 --> 00:11:44,204
Well, for starters,
look at this place.
361
00:11:44,272 --> 00:11:45,605
I know. Ugh.
362
00:11:45,673 --> 00:11:47,506
I'm betting at one point
there was a moat.
363
00:11:47,573 --> 00:11:49,641
Rich boy punk.
(laughs)
364
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:53,179
This hallway's excessive.
It's braggy.
365
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:54,814
Well, I guess
everyone's out back.
366
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,782
Ugh, look at this place, Jess.
Are you kidding me?
367
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,150
It's so over-the-top.
368
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,785
A kitchen island?
Be a man!
369
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:01,453
- Let your counter attach to itself.
- I know.
370
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:03,154
It's like, I can't chop
vegetables over here.
371
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:05,456
I need to do it over here.
Love me, love me.
372
00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:06,891
I mean, we're making an egg,
373
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:08,392
not going to outer space,
guys, right?
374
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:09,660
Right. Nice burn.
375
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:15,834
JESS:
Whoa.
376
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,469
Makes me want to sit
by the fire,
377
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,704
and talk about how
annoying Gandhi is.
378
00:12:21,472 --> 00:12:23,907
Whoa, something's
happening to me, Jess.
379
00:12:24,475 --> 00:12:25,376
I want to sit at that desk
380
00:12:25,444 --> 00:12:28,212
- and veto a law.
- What are you doing, Nick?
381
00:12:28,279 --> 00:12:30,647
- That's someone else's stuff.
- Jess, when I put my hand on this desk,
382
00:12:30,715 --> 00:12:33,083
I feel sexually proficient
for the first time in my life.
383
00:12:33,151 --> 00:12:34,917
Nick, this man stands
for everything you hate.
384
00:12:36,587 --> 00:12:39,121
I'm President Miller!
You're all fired!
385
00:12:39,189 --> 00:12:40,557
Bring our boys home.
386
00:12:40,624 --> 00:12:42,725
Okay, this is how
evil geniuses are born.
387
00:12:42,792 --> 00:12:44,360
You smell that?
It smells like leather
388
00:12:44,427 --> 00:12:46,395
and Teddy Roosevelt
and wistfulness.
389
00:12:47,831 --> 00:12:49,899
I want to wear this cap.
390
00:12:49,967 --> 00:12:51,467
You're not helping me!
391
00:12:51,534 --> 00:12:54,102
Nick, I know
this room is beautiful,
392
00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:56,839
gentlemanly, and...
smells like Christmas,
393
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,173
but you have to stay strong.
394
00:12:58,241 --> 00:13:00,241
I'm gonna go find Russell.
395
00:13:00,308 --> 00:13:02,943
Keep...
playing with that duck.
396
00:13:05,180 --> 00:13:07,482
I want to kill you.
397
00:13:07,549 --> 00:13:10,150
Because I respect you.
398
00:13:10,218 --> 00:13:12,286
I think I understand hunting!
399
00:13:26,017 --> 00:13:27,251
Hello, Russell.
400
00:13:27,318 --> 00:13:29,053
Hey, Jess.
Thanks for coming.
401
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,654
Oh, the mechanic called.
Your car's done.
402
00:13:31,721 --> 00:13:33,556
He also wanted me
to communicate to you
403
00:13:33,623 --> 00:13:35,624
that you need
to change your oil.
404
00:13:35,692 --> 00:13:37,226
(sighs)
405
00:13:38,294 --> 00:13:40,329
I want to, first of all,
say thank you, Russell.
406
00:13:40,397 --> 00:13:42,532
Um, and second of all,
I want to say, um,
407
00:13:42,599 --> 00:13:45,134
I know you donate a lot of
money to this school, but...
408
00:13:45,202 --> 00:13:47,335
- You think I'm a snob.
- No. No.
409
00:13:47,403 --> 00:13:51,239
No, I have nothing
against people who...
410
00:13:51,807 --> 00:13:54,142
live in enormous mansions.
411
00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:56,044
Jess, I'm 42.
412
00:13:56,112 --> 00:13:58,547
I've made a lot of money,
and I enjoy spending it.
413
00:13:58,614 --> 00:14:00,282
- Oh, you've got to try
one of these. - Oh.
414
00:14:00,349 --> 00:14:02,116
Deconstructed spring roll.
415
00:14:02,184 --> 00:14:03,717
- It's delicious.
- Oh.
416
00:14:03,785 --> 00:14:05,386
- Try it.
- Oh.
417
00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:10,357
Oh, my God!
418
00:14:10,425 --> 00:14:12,359
This is so amazing
I want to punch you!
419
00:14:12,427 --> 00:14:13,961
(laughs)
Russell! Russell.
420
00:14:14,028 --> 00:14:16,163
Come tell Carolyn about that
time you delivered that baby.
421
00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:18,231
Oh. Yeah.
422
00:14:18,299 --> 00:14:20,467
You delivered a baby? Just...
it was twins, actually.
423
00:14:20,934 --> 00:14:21,634
Twins?
424
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,277
Are you wearing my sweater?
425
00:14:31,345 --> 00:14:33,646
No. Yes. It was on the back
of the chair.
426
00:14:33,714 --> 00:14:35,447
So I thought the sweater
belonged to the chair.
427
00:14:35,515 --> 00:14:36,848
I thought it was
a chair sweater.
428
00:14:36,916 --> 00:14:38,850
Those exist.
429
00:14:39,918 --> 00:14:40,652
I'm Nick.
430
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,121
- Oh, you know Jess.
- Yes.
431
00:14:42,188 --> 00:14:44,047
I'm Jess' roommate.
I'm the guy with no phone,
432
00:14:44,047 --> 00:14:45,275
if she's told you.
That's my thing.
433
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,026
- No phones.
- Why don't you have a phone?
434
00:14:47,026 --> 00:14:49,629
Because I don't want to be
tied to some corporate system.
435
00:14:50,428 --> 00:14:51,585
That, and no one
would give me one.
436
00:14:51,630 --> 00:14:52,984
I have incredibly
low credit ratings.
437
00:14:53,035 --> 00:14:54,202
Yeah.
438
00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:56,300
When I was your age, I had
a really skinny ponytail,
439
00:14:56,368 --> 00:14:58,503
and I think I was living off
of selling my own blood.
440
00:14:59,570 --> 00:15:01,304
That's funny.
Then what happened?
441
00:15:01,372 --> 00:15:03,141
One day you just woke up
and you had all this?
442
00:15:03,208 --> 00:15:05,075
Well, I realized
I wanted to grow up.
443
00:15:06,144 --> 00:15:07,611
- That's what happened.
- Um...
444
00:15:08,178 --> 00:15:10,347
I got this as a gift from the
company for Christmas, so...
445
00:15:10,414 --> 00:15:11,981
Oh, wow, that's great.
446
00:15:12,049 --> 00:15:14,484
My boss gave me three credit
cards he found at the bar,
447
00:15:14,552 --> 00:15:17,587
and said, "You didn't
get these from me."
448
00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:19,956
It's a bartender joke.
I'm a bartender. We...
449
00:15:20,024 --> 00:15:22,424
We don't steal credit cards.
Cool, cool.
450
00:15:22,492 --> 00:15:24,560
Here. Take it.
No, no, I can't take your phone, man.
451
00:15:24,628 --> 00:15:26,530
I can't... it's just...
452
00:15:28,097 --> 00:15:29,731
it feels really
good in my hand.
453
00:15:31,901 --> 00:15:34,637
Is it possible to be sexually
attracted to an object?
454
00:15:34,704 --> 00:15:37,005
Yes, it is.
It really is.
455
00:15:38,407 --> 00:15:41,376
- You can keep the sweater.
- Thanks, I...
456
00:15:41,443 --> 00:15:44,779
I don't know why I put it on,
to be honest with you.
457
00:15:44,846 --> 00:15:47,482
I just came in here, and it
smelled like Shakespeare,
458
00:15:47,550 --> 00:15:49,984
if Shakespeare were
a damn cowboy.
459
00:15:50,552 --> 00:15:52,820
And hawk's nests, and boat fuel,
and cigars and burping...
460
00:15:52,888 --> 00:15:54,188
- man stuff!
- Yeah, yeah, enjoy it.
461
00:15:54,755 --> 00:15:55,689
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
462
00:15:55,756 --> 00:15:57,191
- I appreciate you.
- Yeah, yeah. Sure.
463
00:15:57,258 --> 00:16:00,794
Hey, Russell, why are you
being so nice to me?
464
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:02,496
Well, you're
Jess's friend, right?
465
00:16:04,298 --> 00:16:05,632
Now, you fold that sweater.
466
00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:06,733
Don't hang it.
467
00:16:06,801 --> 00:16:08,735
You listening to me?
Fold it.
468
00:16:09,303 --> 00:16:11,337
Ah, I don't care.
Do whatever you want.
469
00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:12,938
That was really funny, man!
470
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:14,674
Why did I...?
471
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,278
Bidet!
472
00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:22,114
Bidet if I do.
473
00:16:23,217 --> 00:16:25,284
(bidet speaking Japanese)
474
00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:29,821
(overlapping Japanese words)
475
00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:32,524
Oh, my God!
(screams)
476
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:35,026
- Oh, my gosh. Shut up.
RUSSELL: Jess, is that you?
477
00:16:35,094 --> 00:16:36,828
- Oh, God! Oh, God.
RUSSELL: What's wrong?
478
00:16:37,895 --> 00:16:39,097
Sorry, Jess.
I'm coming in.
479
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,032
- Oh, my God.
- What's going on?
480
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:42,899
- Oh, my God! I just...
- Wait, wait, wait.
481
00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:45,006
- Ow! - No, I just
pressed some buttons
482
00:16:45,006 --> 00:16:46,889
- with cartoon characters on them.
- Yeah, it's Japanese.
483
00:16:46,904 --> 00:16:48,839
Of course it's
a Japanese bidet.
484
00:16:48,906 --> 00:16:50,841
Of course you have
a Japanese bidet.
485
00:16:50,908 --> 00:16:52,776
Look, Russell,
I want to tell you
486
00:16:52,844 --> 00:16:54,712
that I am not sorry
about what I said
487
00:16:54,779 --> 00:16:57,514
because Sara is 12,
and she is creative,
488
00:16:57,582 --> 00:16:59,288
and I don't care
if you pull your donation,
489
00:16:59,288 --> 00:17:01,267
- I am not gonna grovel...
- Why did you think I was
490
00:17:01,267 --> 00:17:03,102
going to pull the donation?
I would never do that.
491
00:17:03,102 --> 00:17:05,836
(bidet repeating
Japanese phrase) Okay.
492
00:17:05,922 --> 00:17:07,423
Oh, jeez.
493
00:17:07,491 --> 00:17:09,125
It is some really
deep cleaning here.
494
00:17:09,192 --> 00:17:10,226
- Oh, God.
- No, Jess, Jess!
495
00:17:10,294 --> 00:17:11,527
- Wait!
- Oh!
496
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:14,230
Jess, you put it up
to six happy faces.
497
00:17:14,297 --> 00:17:15,930
I've never gone past three.
498
00:17:19,849 --> 00:17:21,647
Jess, why are we leaving?
499
00:17:21,951 --> 00:17:23,752
And why are you all wet?
500
00:17:23,820 --> 00:17:26,354
Okay, did you take a bath in his
tub because you wanted to see
501
00:17:26,422 --> 00:17:27,522
what it'd feel like to be him?
502
00:17:27,590 --> 00:17:28,690
'Cause, weirdly, I get that.
503
00:17:28,758 --> 00:17:30,191
No. I want to leave
504
00:17:30,259 --> 00:17:32,260
because we don't
fit in here, Nick.
505
00:17:32,328 --> 00:17:33,928
I know that I've been saying
you can't give into this guy,
506
00:17:33,995 --> 00:17:36,163
but I don't think that you
should run from him, either.
507
00:17:36,230 --> 00:17:39,366
'Cause no matter where you go,
he could find you.
508
00:17:39,883 --> 00:17:41,068
I believe that.
509
00:17:41,135 --> 00:17:42,536
No, running's good.
I'm gonna run.
510
00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:44,004
Hey, Jess, stop.
511
00:17:44,072 --> 00:17:45,272
Look, this may
complicate things,
512
00:17:45,990 --> 00:17:47,508
but I'm in love with him.
513
00:17:47,576 --> 00:17:49,075
Shut up!
No, I won't shut up.
514
00:17:49,142 --> 00:17:50,810
He smells like strong coffee
515
00:17:50,878 --> 00:17:52,745
and going to see a man
about a horse.
516
00:17:52,813 --> 00:17:54,413
You're ridiculous, Nick.
Let's go.
517
00:17:54,482 --> 00:17:57,016
I am ridiculous, okay, but no.
518
00:17:57,084 --> 00:17:59,252
Be a grown-up.
519
00:18:00,820 --> 00:18:02,655
He likes you, Jess.
520
00:18:04,223 --> 00:18:05,457
Go back in there.
521
00:18:05,524 --> 00:18:06,758
I think it'd be good for you.
522
00:18:09,362 --> 00:18:11,329
And I'm not just saying that
because I'm in love with him.
523
00:18:11,397 --> 00:18:12,565
(scoffs)
524
00:18:12,597 --> 00:18:13,765
Just do it.
525
00:18:16,169 --> 00:18:18,470
Don't be intimidated just
because you're just younger,
526
00:18:18,538 --> 00:18:20,972
poorer and wetter
than everybody in there.
527
00:18:21,039 --> 00:18:22,540
Goldfinger!
I mean, no, no.
528
00:18:22,608 --> 00:18:23,975
I meant to say
Golden-Golden Hind!
529
00:18:24,042 --> 00:18:25,776
Golden Hind is
what I meant to say.
530
00:18:25,844 --> 00:18:26,978
- No...
- Winston,
531
00:18:27,045 --> 00:18:28,513
you are all over the place.
532
00:18:28,580 --> 00:18:31,015
The Green Bay Packers did not
invent the T formation,
533
00:18:31,582 --> 00:18:33,683
nor was Crispin Glover
the first man to die
534
00:18:33,751 --> 00:18:35,119
- in the Revolutionary War.
- Shh.
535
00:18:35,186 --> 00:18:37,186
- This is supposed to be fun.
- Look, Babe, it is fun.
536
00:18:37,254 --> 00:18:38,722
I just don't want to look
stupid in front of everybody.
537
00:18:38,789 --> 00:18:39,756
- All right?
- You're not stupid.
538
00:18:39,824 --> 00:18:41,257
Well, I mean,
he did skip Earth
539
00:18:41,325 --> 00:18:42,792
when listing the planets.
540
00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:45,261
SHELBY: What has
gotten into you today?
541
00:18:45,329 --> 00:18:48,031
I just... I just didn't want
you to think I was an idiot.
542
00:18:48,098 --> 00:18:51,935
You tried to memorize all the
trivia answers? Winston!
543
00:18:52,003 --> 00:18:57,439
I don't want some smart,
rich guy who owns his own car.
544
00:18:57,507 --> 00:19:00,042
I want to be with you.
545
00:19:00,609 --> 00:19:03,846
I don't care if you don't know
Ernest Hemingway's birthplace.
546
00:19:03,914 --> 00:19:05,480
Oak Park, Illinois.
547
00:19:07,716 --> 00:19:09,450
So, what are you saying?
548
00:19:09,518 --> 00:19:10,919
Are we doing this?
Is this real?
549
00:19:10,986 --> 00:19:12,554
Like, are you my girlfriend?
550
00:19:12,621 --> 00:19:13,922
Because if that's
what you're saying,
551
00:19:13,989 --> 00:19:15,523
then that would
make me very happy.
552
00:19:15,591 --> 00:19:17,291
Mm, me, too.
553
00:19:19,428 --> 00:19:21,763
Shelby, be careful
with his mustache, please.
554
00:19:21,830 --> 00:19:23,297
- Mmm.
- It's very delicate.
555
00:19:24,732 --> 00:19:26,399
I can't watch this anymore.
556
00:19:26,467 --> 00:19:28,268
Winston, I hope
you're better in bed
557
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:31,204
because your street work
is embarrassing.
558
00:19:31,272 --> 00:19:34,174
Am I talking too much?
I don't want to ruin the moment.
559
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:36,309
You know what? If this was
my grandmother's building,
560
00:19:36,677 --> 00:19:38,210
she'd be outside
on the patio,
561
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:39,679
and she'd be
yelling down at you,
562
00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:40,580
and she'd be saying,
563
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:41,781
"You look beautiful.
564
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:44,484
"The two of you are
a beautiful couple.
565
00:19:44,552 --> 00:19:46,419
I'm glad you found
one another."
566
00:19:46,487 --> 00:19:49,121
But she wouldn't invite you up
because she's a horrible racist.
567
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:53,959
You want me
to put on some Jodeci?
568
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:59,064
There you are.
I was looking for you.
569
00:19:59,132 --> 00:20:00,165
Okay....
570
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,000
- Listen.
- Uh-huh.
571
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:05,069
I'm not used to people
who have it all together.
572
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,871
I think... you scare me.
573
00:20:07,939 --> 00:20:09,239
Oh, no, no, I don't...
574
00:20:09,807 --> 00:20:11,642
I don't have it all together.
575
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:13,844
I don't even know
how to talk to my own kid.
576
00:20:13,912 --> 00:20:15,413
I can't even remember
the last time she hugged me
577
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:16,780
and used both arms.
578
00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:19,217
She said she wanted
to go bra shopping,
579
00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:20,650
and so I bought
her a ski vest.
580
00:20:21,718 --> 00:20:23,686
Look, every eye roll
581
00:20:24,754 --> 00:20:26,523
means you're doing
something right.
582
00:20:26,591 --> 00:20:28,325
- Really?
- No, that's just what
583
00:20:28,392 --> 00:20:30,260
I tell parents to make
them feel better.
584
00:20:31,028 --> 00:20:32,529
Jess, will you have dinner
with me?
585
00:20:36,416 --> 00:20:37,199
Yes.
586
00:20:37,567 --> 00:20:39,401
Great. Good.
587
00:20:41,738 --> 00:20:43,805
Sh-Should I, um,
text you, or...?
588
00:20:43,873 --> 00:20:46,074
- No. I'll call.
- Great.
589
00:20:46,443 --> 00:20:48,511
- Okay, cool.
- All right, cool.
590
00:20:48,578 --> 00:20:51,780
(gasps)
Oh, no... Hey, Jess.
591
00:20:51,848 --> 00:20:53,515
Jess, why are you
in the koi pond?!
592
00:20:53,582 --> 00:20:54,882
- Jess, are you okay?
JESS: Oh, God, oh, God.
593
00:20:54,950 --> 00:20:56,784
RUSSELL: Okay, come here.
- Oh, God!
594
00:20:56,852 --> 00:20:58,019
- Koi in my dress!
- Let me help you.
595
00:20:58,086 --> 00:20:59,521
Koi in my dress!
596
00:20:59,588 --> 00:21:00,721
RUSSELL:
Are you all right?
597
00:21:00,789 --> 00:21:02,257
Oh, you got a fish
in your dress.
598
00:21:02,324 --> 00:21:04,091
I didn't ask you!
I'm talking to you!
599
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,927
You want to come in here and
charge me a billion dollars?
600
00:21:06,995 --> 00:21:07,893
(laughs)
601
00:21:07,895 --> 00:21:09,163
That's nothing to me!
602
00:21:11,266 --> 00:21:13,667
Want it? Want it?
603
00:21:13,734 --> 00:21:15,502
You're off the streets.
604
00:21:16,070 --> 00:21:16,970
I don't want to, either.
605
00:21:17,038 --> 00:21:18,705
You're the best cop I got!
606
00:21:18,773 --> 00:21:20,340
As President Miller of Earth,
607
00:21:20,408 --> 00:21:22,610
I'd like to speak to the
Galactic Emperor, please.
608
00:21:24,178 --> 00:21:25,178
Yeah, it's about money.
609
00:21:25,245 --> 00:21:27,047
I'm gonna push a piece
of paper across the desk
610
00:21:27,114 --> 00:21:28,948
that I've written
a little number on.
611
00:21:29,016 --> 00:21:31,984
Why don't I just tell you?
It's five kabillion dollars.
612
00:21:32,052 --> 00:21:33,220
So, what do you say?
613
00:21:33,252 --> 00:21:35,820
Is China mine, Mr. Ying?
614
00:21:35,988 --> 00:21:40,089
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