1
00:00:00,205 --> 00:00:01,705
Buying a phone's a big deal.
2
00:00:01,773 --> 00:00:03,407
I mean think of how long
you'll have this thing.
3
00:00:03,424 --> 00:00:05,958
It's like buying
a car or a bra.
4
00:00:06,276 --> 00:00:07,809
Eight years, man.
(snaps) Ow.
5
00:00:07,877 --> 00:00:10,379
Hey, uh, sorry, I was just
checking your credit score,
6
00:00:10,446 --> 00:00:13,181
and I got this number
that's crazily low,
7
00:00:13,249 --> 00:00:14,883
so I'll try again.
8
00:00:14,951 --> 00:00:16,718
Don't bother.
I'm sure it's right.
9
00:00:16,786 --> 00:00:18,787
- Seriously?
- Are you kidding me?
10
00:00:19,354 --> 00:00:21,755
250?! You get 150
just for being alive.
11
00:00:21,833 --> 00:00:22,756
SALESMAN:
Hey, Mojan!
12
00:00:22,824 --> 00:00:24,325
Got a 250 credit score!
13
00:00:24,393 --> 00:00:27,194
Well, I guess the $40 I saved
on that Gap card didn't pay off.
14
00:00:27,262 --> 00:00:29,195
Do you have, like,
a box of charity phones
15
00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:30,264
you're sending to Africa?
16
00:00:30,332 --> 00:00:32,266
- Can he just have one of those?
- Claire, Brendan,
17
00:00:32,334 --> 00:00:33,867
this guy's got
a 250 credit score.
18
00:00:33,935 --> 00:00:35,702
We're bringing everybody out?
19
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:38,804
Look at this.
(laughing)
20
00:00:38,871 --> 00:00:40,640
Oh, I'm sorry. I've been
doing this a long time.
21
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:43,342
I've just never seen
a score this low.
22
00:00:43,410 --> 00:00:45,011
Did you just wake up
from a coma?
23
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:50,350
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
24
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:51,985
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
25
00:00:51,986 --> 00:00:54,319
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess. ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
26
00:00:54,487 --> 00:00:55,955
But you've always
wanted a thing.
27
00:00:56,022 --> 00:00:58,590
This could be your thing,
like, the guy with no phone.
28
00:00:59,158 --> 00:00:59,891
Well, who is that guy?
29
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,160
I don't want to be that guy.
30
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,761
No, no, no,
it's like mysterious.
31
00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:04,363
It's like,
"I want to call Nick Miller."
32
00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:06,332
"You can't;
He doesn't have a phone."
33
00:01:06,899 --> 00:01:07,666
"What?!"
34
00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:09,633
You can go all Ghost Protocol
on everyone.
35
00:01:09,701 --> 00:01:10,801
See, that's cool.
36
00:01:10,869 --> 00:01:13,037
I mean, I always wanted
to be a mole person.
37
00:01:13,105 --> 00:01:15,606
SHELBY: Schmidt, you're the
Michael Jordan of bar trivia.
38
00:01:15,674 --> 00:01:17,575
We were in the
Greek mythology zone.
39
00:01:17,642 --> 00:01:19,077
I mean, you knew
every question.
40
00:01:19,144 --> 00:01:21,112
SCHMIDT:
Perseus, Icarus, Medusa...
41
00:01:21,180 --> 00:01:22,380
Medeuce, deuce!
44
00:01:25,116 --> 00:01:26,383
Like, what was
the tiebreaker you got?
45
00:01:26,451 --> 00:01:28,251
Calvin Coolidge's birthplace?
46
00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:29,652
Little Plymouth Notch, son.
47
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:30,887
Wow, I'm done with this.
Hey, Shelby...
48
00:01:30,955 --> 00:01:32,822
I mean, seriously,
how did you know that?
49
00:01:32,890 --> 00:01:33,991
Question:
How do you forget that?
50
00:01:34,058 --> 00:01:35,492
Answer: You don't.
51
00:01:36,059 --> 00:01:36,793
Jar!
52
00:01:36,861 --> 00:01:38,095
I'm gonna jar myself
on that one.
53
00:01:38,662 --> 00:01:41,063
- He's like a trivia god.
- Girl, get up.
54
00:01:41,131 --> 00:01:42,865
Winston,
don't worry about it, man.
55
00:01:42,932 --> 00:01:44,233
It's your public school
education.
56
00:01:44,301 --> 00:01:45,701
You'll catch up.
(door slams)
57
00:01:46,768 --> 00:01:48,170
Jar again.
58
00:01:54,110 --> 00:01:55,210
Excuse me?
59
00:01:55,478 --> 00:01:56,312
Oh, hi.
60
00:01:56,380 --> 00:01:58,605
Yeah, hi, hi, I'm Russell
Schiller, Sarah's dad.
61
00:01:58,814 --> 00:01:59,814
- Oh, yes.
- We spoke on the phone.
62
00:01:59,882 --> 00:02:00,882
I'm Jessica Day.
63
00:02:01,949 --> 00:02:02,817
Did you just curtsy?
64
00:02:03,385 --> 00:02:04,986
I did, yes; I did.
65
00:02:05,553 --> 00:02:06,287
Is this a bad time?
66
00:02:06,605 --> 00:02:08,156
Nope, no, no, no,
I was just cleaning up
67
00:02:08,224 --> 00:02:09,924
from the sexual health class.
68
00:02:10,492 --> 00:02:11,359
I had to take condoms
69
00:02:11,427 --> 00:02:12,960
off 30 cucumbers,
70
00:02:13,028 --> 00:02:15,361
and condoms are harder
to take off than I thought.
71
00:02:15,429 --> 00:02:16,497
I know how to put them on,
72
00:02:16,564 --> 00:02:18,132
but I didn't know
how to take them off.
73
00:02:18,199 --> 00:02:21,335
I guess someone else
has always done it for me.
74
00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:24,904
Yeah, I'm sorry. I just got
off a flight from London.
75
00:02:24,971 --> 00:02:26,622
Maybe I'm a little out of it.
76
00:02:26,690 --> 00:02:28,274
(British accent):
Oh, London.
77
00:02:28,542 --> 00:02:29,942
Did you have a busy sch...
78
00:02:30,709 --> 00:02:32,011
(British pronunciation):
Se-dule?
79
00:02:33,079 --> 00:02:34,246
Did you have fun?
80
00:02:34,314 --> 00:02:35,548
No, I was advising a merger.
81
00:02:35,615 --> 00:02:37,283
Oh, fair enough.
82
00:02:37,351 --> 00:02:41,887
Um, you wanted to talk to me
about Sarah's art.
83
00:02:41,955 --> 00:02:44,589
So, this is one
of the pieces she did.
84
00:02:45,157 --> 00:02:47,059
Um...
85
00:02:47,976 --> 00:02:48,393
(chuckles)
86
00:02:48,461 --> 00:02:50,395
That one's called, um,
87
00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:52,230
"At the Mall with Grandma."
88
00:02:54,699 --> 00:02:56,601
She made that in dream-cess,
which is where, um,
89
00:02:56,669 --> 00:02:58,537
I let the kids have time
to create something.
90
00:02:58,604 --> 00:03:01,005
Sarah's gonna be opting out
of dream-cess from now on.
91
00:03:01,073 --> 00:03:02,206
She'll use that same time
92
00:03:02,274 --> 00:03:04,808
to review her other schoolwork
with a tutor.
93
00:03:05,076 --> 00:03:07,210
Oh, did you talk to Sarah
about this?
94
00:03:07,278 --> 00:03:08,011
Well, I don't need to.
95
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,614
I want her to know fractions
before she goes to high school.
96
00:03:10,682 --> 00:03:12,849
- Well, I follow the curriculum.
- My daughter is wearing doll's heads
97
00:03:12,917 --> 00:03:14,751
around her neck, so
whatever you're doing,
98
00:03:15,319 --> 00:03:17,153
keep it up.
99
00:03:17,221 --> 00:03:19,222
Okay, I talk to your daughter
every single day.
100
00:03:19,790 --> 00:03:21,524
Do you?
Because hiring a tutor
101
00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:23,926
is not the same thing
as spending time with her.
102
00:03:23,994 --> 00:03:25,861
I'm her father,
not her friend.
103
00:03:25,929 --> 00:03:28,931
I know what she needs.
104
00:03:28,999 --> 00:03:30,400
Give my best to Mrs. Monogamy.
105
00:03:30,468 --> 00:03:31,934
Cheerio.
106
00:03:34,286 --> 00:03:37,489
He's the third largest
donor in the city.
107
00:03:37,557 --> 00:03:40,091
We take his money and then what,
we have to answer to him?
108
00:03:40,159 --> 00:03:41,560
So, you're asking me
to give up my integrity?
109
00:03:41,627 --> 00:03:42,794
That's what
I'm telling you to do.
110
00:03:42,862 --> 00:03:44,262
Yes, we need his money.
111
00:03:44,330 --> 00:03:45,764
So, he pulls his donation.
112
00:03:45,832 --> 00:03:48,400
You know what?
I'll raise the money myself.
113
00:03:48,468 --> 00:03:50,434
I'll get a ragtag group
of kids together.
114
00:03:50,502 --> 00:03:53,136
A lost soul, an orphan,
115
00:03:53,204 --> 00:03:55,706
a Jewish kid with a keyboard,
116
00:03:55,774 --> 00:03:57,608
a little slut who can dance,
117
00:03:57,676 --> 00:03:59,076
and one fatso,
118
00:03:59,143 --> 00:04:00,143
and I'll choreograph
some dances,
119
00:04:00,211 --> 00:04:01,545
make a show.
120
00:04:01,613 --> 00:04:03,080
You did that already, Jess.
121
00:04:03,147 --> 00:04:05,148
It's called the spring musical,
and it literally brought in $60.
122
00:04:05,716 --> 00:04:07,083
Please don't make
me apologize.
123
00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:08,585
You're gonna go to his office.
124
00:04:08,652 --> 00:04:10,754
You're gonna say
that you were wrong.
125
00:04:10,821 --> 00:04:13,155
Say you're never gonna let
the kids do anything creative
126
00:04:13,723 --> 00:04:14,657
ever again.
127
00:04:14,725 --> 00:04:16,058
From now on,
128
00:04:16,126 --> 00:04:19,028
your classroom
is full-on North Korea:
129
00:04:19,096 --> 00:04:20,897
Math! Math! Math!
130
00:04:21,164 --> 00:04:23,098
Make sure he doesn't
pull the donation.
131
00:04:24,501 --> 00:04:25,768
When he was yelling at you,
132
00:04:25,835 --> 00:04:27,436
did do that little thing
with his mouth?
133
00:04:27,504 --> 00:04:29,271
You know,
that little smile thing?
134
00:04:29,338 --> 00:04:31,540
You know, like,
like where he goes, "Mmm"?
135
00:04:31,608 --> 00:04:33,008
That's really weird, Tanya.
136
00:04:33,075 --> 00:04:34,443
Apologize.
137
00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:36,680
Why did you make
me look stupid
138
00:04:36,681 --> 00:04:38,815
- in front of Shelby
last nigh? - Wait, what?
139
00:04:38,883 --> 00:04:40,050
Which of the five
great lakes is located
140
00:04:40,117 --> 00:04:42,752
entirely in the United States?
141
00:04:42,820 --> 00:04:44,821
- Lake Erie?
- Yeah, if Lake Michigan didn't exist
142
00:04:44,889 --> 00:04:47,190
and we won a fictional
U.S.-Canada war.
143
00:04:47,507 --> 00:04:49,242
- Lake Michigan.
- Correct!
144
00:04:51,878 --> 00:04:54,079
Oh, you want me
to take a dive next time?
145
00:04:54,147 --> 00:04:55,480
- Take a dive?
- You know, like pretend like
146
00:04:55,548 --> 00:04:56,982
you know more than me
when Shelby's around,
147
00:04:57,050 --> 00:04:58,951
so it seems like
you're smarter.
148
00:04:59,018 --> 00:05:01,319
I know you'd do the same thing
for me if I were the dumber one.
149
00:05:01,387 --> 00:05:03,288
Wow, okay,
so let me get this straight:
150
00:05:03,356 --> 00:05:05,757
You think because you know a
few facts about Princess Kate,
151
00:05:05,825 --> 00:05:07,191
- that makes you smarter than me?
- First of all,
152
00:05:07,259 --> 00:05:09,994
Kate is a duchess and
whip-smart by all accounts.
153
00:05:10,062 --> 00:05:11,362
And second of all,
don't be so prideful.
154
00:05:11,429 --> 00:05:12,930
Look, man, there's
nothing wrong
155
00:05:12,998 --> 00:05:14,365
with being the second smartest
in the loft.
156
00:05:14,432 --> 00:05:16,400
You know what,
let me take that back.
157
00:05:16,468 --> 00:05:17,502
Jess is a teacher of children.
158
00:05:17,570 --> 00:05:18,970
You memorize facts.
159
00:05:19,037 --> 00:05:20,071
I can memorize facts.
160
00:05:20,138 --> 00:05:21,272
That doesn't make you smart.
161
00:05:21,340 --> 00:05:23,306
Okay, well, maybe,
162
00:05:23,374 --> 00:05:24,975
but I'm definitely smarter
than you.
163
00:05:25,042 --> 00:05:27,010
Whew! Glutes are done, my man.
164
00:05:27,078 --> 00:05:28,011
I'm gonna go to
the stairwell,
165
00:05:28,079 --> 00:05:29,947
work on my calves. Come with?
166
00:05:30,014 --> 00:05:32,115
Hell, no.
167
00:05:32,183 --> 00:05:33,350
You sure?
168
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,120
JESS:
I have to grovel.
169
00:05:37,188 --> 00:05:38,153
I hate groveling.
170
00:05:38,221 --> 00:05:39,421
I would have lasted
two seconds
171
00:05:39,489 --> 00:05:41,757
in the court of the Sun King.
172
00:05:41,824 --> 00:05:43,193
- I think about that all the time.
- You do?
173
00:05:43,271 --> 00:05:45,528
Do you know how much I grovel
on a daily basis?
174
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:47,363
It is literally obscene.
175
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:48,198
Come the weekend,
176
00:05:48,199 --> 00:05:49,999
I'm the one
who's filling up my cart
177
00:05:50,066 --> 00:05:53,102
with Fila, Nautica,
Impulse Fila,
178
00:05:53,169 --> 00:05:54,468
Hilfiger, CK,
179
00:05:54,536 --> 00:05:55,904
BR Leather cuff,
180
00:05:55,971 --> 00:05:56,971
and more Fila.
181
00:05:57,039 --> 00:05:58,439
This is the problem, Jess.
182
00:05:58,507 --> 00:05:59,740
It's rich people.
183
00:05:59,808 --> 00:06:01,475
We are right
where they want us, Jess:
184
00:06:01,543 --> 00:06:04,244
Just suckling on the
teat of consumerism.
185
00:06:04,312 --> 00:06:05,780
- Yeah. - That's the exact reason
I got rid of my phone.
186
00:06:05,847 --> 00:06:07,081
You were denied a cell phone
187
00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:09,884
because you have the credit
score of a homeless ghost.
188
00:06:09,951 --> 00:06:11,685
How I got here doesn't matter.
189
00:06:11,753 --> 00:06:13,020
You weigh more
than your credit score.
190
00:06:13,087 --> 00:06:14,221
I'm here now,
191
00:06:14,289 --> 00:06:15,456
- and I'm loving it.
- Yeah.
192
00:06:15,524 --> 00:06:16,924
I'm the guy with no phone.
193
00:06:17,491 --> 00:06:18,559
I mean, right now,
194
00:06:18,627 --> 00:06:20,359
I'm writing a letter
to my friend, Kev,
195
00:06:20,428 --> 00:06:22,762
seeing if he wants to party
with me this Friday.
196
00:06:23,830 --> 00:06:25,031
"What up, Kev?
197
00:06:25,399 --> 00:06:26,232
"You in?
198
00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:28,334
- Nick Miller."
- Yeah, Nick,
199
00:06:28,402 --> 00:06:30,303
he might pull the funding
from the school,
200
00:06:30,370 --> 00:06:31,037
so I'm just a little bit...
201
00:06:31,104 --> 00:06:32,605
Blame your period.
202
00:06:32,673 --> 00:06:34,106
I've actually
done this before.
203
00:06:34,174 --> 00:06:35,474
I mean, both parties knew
204
00:06:35,542 --> 00:06:38,310
that I was lying, obviously,
205
00:06:38,377 --> 00:06:40,311
but it didn't matter
because they knew
206
00:06:40,329 --> 00:06:42,647
that I had utterly
humiliated myself,
207
00:06:42,714 --> 00:06:45,116
and at the end of the day,
they respected that.
208
00:06:45,184 --> 00:06:46,085
I'm sorry; I just feel like
209
00:06:46,153 --> 00:06:48,487
someone should suggest
a simple apology.
210
00:06:48,755 --> 00:06:50,455
I know that's not where
we're headed here,
211
00:06:50,522 --> 00:06:51,956
but I'm just gonna
go on record
212
00:06:52,023 --> 00:06:54,459
and say, I think
you should apologize
213
00:06:54,926 --> 00:06:55,960
- like a human.
- No!
214
00:06:56,227 --> 00:06:57,528
No! I'm going with Nick
215
00:06:57,596 --> 00:06:59,296
'cause I don't think
I have to apologize.
216
00:06:59,364 --> 00:07:01,365
NICK: Yeah, Jess, so
march into his office,
217
00:07:01,433 --> 00:07:05,002
and say, "Hey, Mr. Fancyman,
you can't tell me what to do.
218
00:07:05,070 --> 00:07:06,103
"Your money
219
00:07:06,171 --> 00:07:07,237
doesn't own me."
220
00:07:07,305 --> 00:07:09,105
And then throw
away your phone.
221
00:07:09,173 --> 00:07:10,774
Yeah, I'm gonna throw my phone
into the fiery chasm
222
00:07:10,842 --> 00:07:12,675
where he keeps
his poor people.
223
00:07:12,742 --> 00:07:13,944
Actually, scratch that.
224
00:07:14,011 --> 00:07:16,746
My mom's got your number
in case of emergency.
225
00:07:17,314 --> 00:07:19,548
I want her to think that I can
bring something to the table.
226
00:07:20,116 --> 00:07:21,717
I care
about this girl, Elvin.
227
00:07:21,885 --> 00:07:23,353
I want her
to be my girlfriend.
228
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,789
She sees me, all she sees is a
part-time nanny, and that's...
229
00:07:26,857 --> 00:07:28,423
You are a part-time nanny.
230
00:07:28,792 --> 00:07:29,959
I want her to think I'm smart.
231
00:07:31,026 --> 00:07:32,461
What about fake glasses?
232
00:07:32,528 --> 00:07:33,628
It worked for me.
233
00:07:34,865 --> 00:07:37,099
Okay, okay,
I'm on my way to his office,
234
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,368
and I have a speech
I wrote for Fancyman,
235
00:07:39,435 --> 00:07:40,201
and I want to practice it.
236
00:07:40,268 --> 00:07:41,769
Why are you listening
to Nick?
237
00:07:41,837 --> 00:07:43,237
It is a horrible idea.
238
00:07:43,305 --> 00:07:44,539
Ghost Protocol, man.
239
00:07:44,607 --> 00:07:45,840
You're using my phone.
240
00:07:45,908 --> 00:07:47,308
It's not Ghost Protocol.
241
00:07:47,376 --> 00:07:49,243
It's you using my phone.
242
00:07:49,311 --> 00:07:51,779
This is a group call; I'm just
talking in my living room,
243
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,581
and it happens to
go into that box.
244
00:07:53,649 --> 00:07:56,349
Okay, I'm gonna start with a
quote against social Darwinism,
245
00:07:56,817 --> 00:07:58,585
then a discussion
of the Gilded Age,
246
00:07:58,653 --> 00:08:00,120
the robber barons,
the Great Society,
247
00:08:00,187 --> 00:08:01,822
how we ended up
with a huge wealth disparity
248
00:08:01,890 --> 00:08:03,123
in this country,
249
00:08:03,224 --> 00:08:04,925
and then, I end
with a bluegrass version
250
00:08:04,993 --> 00:08:06,760
of Public Enemy's
"Fight the Power."
251
00:08:06,828 --> 00:08:07,761
Bad finish.
252
00:08:07,829 --> 00:08:08,862
(engine knocking)
253
00:08:08,930 --> 00:08:09,863
SCHMIDT:
What is that?
254
00:08:09,931 --> 00:08:11,398
Are you driving a lawn mower?
255
00:08:11,465 --> 00:08:12,865
No, I just...
256
00:08:12,933 --> 00:08:14,007
(drivers yelling)
257
00:08:14,033 --> 00:08:15,267
It's my car.
258
00:08:15,335 --> 00:08:16,736
NICK: Look, this is a
great opportunity.
259
00:08:16,803 --> 00:08:18,203
You need to ask yourself,
260
00:08:18,271 --> 00:08:19,939
where are you even going?
261
00:08:20,007 --> 00:08:22,041
SCHMIDT: Buy a new car.
NICK: You don't need a car.
262
00:08:22,108 --> 00:08:24,443
(Nick and Shmidt bickering)
Oh, my car's stalled out.
263
00:08:25,011 --> 00:08:27,079
Can you guys come
and help me push it?
264
00:08:27,113 --> 00:08:29,614
Yeah, we'll be down
in a few minutes.
265
00:08:29,682 --> 00:08:30,882
MAN:
Hey, can I help you?
266
00:08:30,950 --> 00:08:32,517
What? Oh, hi.
267
00:08:33,385 --> 00:08:34,285
Um,
268
00:08:34,353 --> 00:08:36,988
Uh, Mr. Schiller, um,
269
00:08:37,056 --> 00:08:39,723
- how'd you know I was here?
- I was driving by and I saw you.
270
00:08:39,891 --> 00:08:41,459
My office is right here.
271
00:08:41,993 --> 00:08:44,494
Oh, oh, what a coincidence.
272
00:08:44,495 --> 00:08:46,063
I had no idea.
273
00:08:46,630 --> 00:08:47,397
Weird.
274
00:08:48,465 --> 00:08:49,366
What's wrong with the car?
275
00:08:49,367 --> 00:08:50,434
Guy sounds like
matinee idol.
276
00:08:50,535 --> 00:08:52,036
Shut up, Schmidt.
277
00:08:52,103 --> 00:08:53,904
I'm just pushing it
to the nearest gas station.
278
00:08:53,972 --> 00:08:56,073
It's like, a mile away,
so I'm fine.
279
00:08:56,140 --> 00:08:58,442
I know a guy;
He'll be here in ten.
280
00:08:58,809 --> 00:09:00,743
- Oh, no, Mr. Schiller.
- Russell.
281
00:09:00,811 --> 00:09:02,579
Mr. Schiller, I can
take care of myself.
282
00:09:02,646 --> 00:09:04,681
It's how I was raised;
I wasn't raised with money,
283
00:09:04,748 --> 00:09:07,450
so when something broke,
we pretended it still worked.
284
00:09:07,517 --> 00:09:09,351
Some of my best memories
are pushing this car around
285
00:09:09,419 --> 00:09:10,653
on family vacations.
286
00:09:10,721 --> 00:09:11,720
(phone chirping)
287
00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:13,321
Okay.
288
00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:15,791
Oh, yeah, tow truck's
on the way.
289
00:09:15,858 --> 00:09:18,159
Look, that's very nice
and generous of you,
290
00:09:18,227 --> 00:09:21,162
but I really... I-I mean,
I need my car, and...
291
00:09:22,230 --> 00:09:23,065
Here, let me help you.
292
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:25,701
Take mine.
293
00:09:26,468 --> 00:09:27,535
- What?
- Take mine.
294
00:09:27,804 --> 00:09:29,905
- Here.
- No.
295
00:09:29,973 --> 00:09:31,741
Come on. Take mine.
296
00:09:31,973 --> 00:09:33,741
Uh, I don't know how
to drive cars that work.
297
00:09:33,809 --> 00:09:34,909
You can drop it off
tomorrow night.
298
00:09:34,977 --> 00:09:36,443
I'm having a party, a cookout.
299
00:09:36,511 --> 00:09:37,944
Come on over any time.
Come on.
300
00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:40,947
Thank you so much.
301
00:09:41,115 --> 00:09:42,149
This is amazing.
302
00:09:42,217 --> 00:09:43,684
I will return it
washed and polished.
303
00:09:43,752 --> 00:09:45,119
- Do you think it's a superhero?
- No.
304
00:09:45,186 --> 00:09:47,787
I think it's Jess
and some weird guy.
305
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:49,188
Miss Day?
306
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,856
Jess--
you can call me Jess.
307
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,227
Great, I'll see
you tomorrow, Jess.
308
00:09:55,794 --> 00:09:56,963
Go is the one on the right.
309
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,865
The one on the left is stop.
310
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,001
(quietly)
Thanks.
311
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,069
- What kind of car is it?
- We are the 99%.
312
00:10:03,137 --> 00:10:04,770
- Is it an SL?
- We the 99%.
313
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,238
Does it have a push ignition?
314
00:10:06,805 --> 00:10:08,240
Does it have a push ignition?
315
00:10:08,307 --> 00:10:09,541
Please tell me
it's not a hybrid.
316
00:10:10,453 --> 00:10:14,155
And then he gives me his car,
just hands me the keys.
317
00:10:14,723 --> 00:10:16,690
It's like so...
318
00:10:16,758 --> 00:10:19,426
Rich people! They're always
giving you their cars.
319
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:20,961
It's like, let them eat cars.
320
00:10:21,028 --> 00:10:22,295
You know what he's doing?
321
00:10:22,363 --> 00:10:23,963
He's taking back the power,
322
00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:25,832
so I have to go
to his cookout,
323
00:10:25,899 --> 00:10:27,433
and instead of standing up
to him,
324
00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:28,634
I have to grovel.
325
00:10:28,702 --> 00:10:30,503
Just a thought:
326
00:10:30,571 --> 00:10:32,938
- What if he likes you?
(scoffs) No, I hate him.
327
00:10:33,006 --> 00:10:36,308
This guy is single
and he's sweet.
328
00:10:36,377 --> 00:10:38,177
Sweet? No.
329
00:10:38,245 --> 00:10:39,344
He's not sweet.
330
00:10:39,412 --> 00:10:41,145
I would never go for that guy.
331
00:10:41,213 --> 00:10:42,848
- Why?
- Because he's the type of guy
332
00:10:42,915 --> 00:10:45,316
who has a linen closet
and a towel warmer.
333
00:10:45,385 --> 00:10:46,518
You know me.
334
00:10:46,586 --> 00:10:48,453
I'm only attracted to guys
335
00:10:48,521 --> 00:10:49,821
who are afraid of success
336
00:10:49,889 --> 00:10:51,189
and think someone famous
stole their idea.
337
00:10:51,257 --> 00:10:52,858
I like an underdog.
338
00:10:52,925 --> 00:10:55,459
- Spencer didn't even own sheets.
- Yeah. He slept
339
00:10:55,527 --> 00:10:56,960
- on a pile of washcloths.
- Can I say something
340
00:10:57,028 --> 00:10:58,596
to you now that
you're not gonna like?
341
00:10:58,663 --> 00:11:01,164
- Yeah. - Maybe Russell
intimidates you.
342
00:11:01,232 --> 00:11:03,100
Because you wouldn't have
to take care of him,
343
00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:04,602
because he would
take care of you,
344
00:11:04,669 --> 00:11:05,770
and that just terrifies you.
345
00:11:05,837 --> 00:11:07,004
Uh, no.
346
00:11:07,071 --> 00:11:10,507
Spencer...
wore... jellies.
347
00:11:10,574 --> 00:11:12,876
How many pounds
in a metric ton?
348
00:11:12,943 --> 00:11:15,879
2,204.6. Next.
349
00:11:15,946 --> 00:11:18,581
In 1948, Albert
became the first...
350
00:11:18,649 --> 00:11:19,716
- American...
- ...American monkey in space.
351
00:11:19,784 --> 00:11:21,384
Let's go.
352
00:11:21,452 --> 00:11:23,520
- This ancient...
- Mesopotamia. Hit me.
353
00:11:23,587 --> 00:11:26,055
You don't actually know
what a Mesopotamia is.
354
00:11:26,123 --> 00:11:28,690
Of course I know what Mesopotamia is.
Don't be crazy.
355
00:11:28,758 --> 00:11:30,191
Use it in a sentence.
356
00:11:31,259 --> 00:11:33,862
Look, there's Mesopotamia.
357
00:11:33,930 --> 00:11:35,297
JESS:
So I'm going to have to draw
358
00:11:35,364 --> 00:11:36,899
on your hatred of rich
people for this, okay?
359
00:11:36,966 --> 00:11:38,400
Hate me up.
360
00:11:38,468 --> 00:11:39,835
Well, for starters,
look at this place.
361
00:11:39,903 --> 00:11:41,236
I know. Ugh.
362
00:11:41,304 --> 00:11:43,137
I'm betting at one point
there was a moat.
363
00:11:43,204 --> 00:11:45,272
Rich boy punk.
(laughs)
364
00:11:45,340 --> 00:11:48,810
This hallway's excessive.
It's braggy.
365
00:11:48,877 --> 00:11:50,445
Well, I guess
everyone's out back.
366
00:11:50,512 --> 00:11:52,413
Ugh, look at this place, Jess.
Are you kidding me?
367
00:11:52,481 --> 00:11:53,781
It's so over-the-top.
368
00:11:53,849 --> 00:11:55,416
A kitchen island?
Be a man!
369
00:11:55,484 --> 00:11:57,084
- Let your counter attach to itself.
- I know.
370
00:11:57,152 --> 00:11:58,785
It's like, I can't chop
vegetables over here.
371
00:11:58,853 --> 00:12:01,087
I need to do it over here.
Love me, love me.
372
00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:02,522
I mean, we're making an egg,
373
00:12:02,590 --> 00:12:04,023
not going to outer space,
guys, right?
374
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,291
Right. Nice burn.
375
00:12:10,064 --> 00:12:11,465
JESS:
Whoa.
376
00:12:11,532 --> 00:12:13,100
Makes me want to sit
by the fire,
377
00:12:13,168 --> 00:12:15,335
and talk about how
annoying Gandhi is.
378
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:19,538
Whoa, something's
happening to me, Jess.
379
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:21,007
I want to sit at that desk
380
00:12:21,075 --> 00:12:23,843
- and veto a law.
- What are you doing, Nick?
381
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:26,278
- That's someone else's stuff.
- Jess, when I put my hand on this desk,
382
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,714
I feel sexually proficient
for the first time in my life.
383
00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:30,548
Nick, this man stands
for everything you hate.
384
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:34,752
I'm President Miller!
You're all fired!
385
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,188
Bring our boys home.
386
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:38,356
Okay, this is how
evil geniuses are born.
387
00:12:38,423 --> 00:12:39,991
You smell that?
It smells like leather
388
00:12:40,058 --> 00:12:42,026
and Teddy Roosevelt
and wistfulness.
389
00:12:43,462 --> 00:12:45,530
I want to wear this cap.
390
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,098
You're not helping me!
391
00:12:47,165 --> 00:12:49,733
Nick, I know
this room is beautiful,
392
00:12:49,801 --> 00:12:52,470
gentlemanly, and...
smells like Christmas,
393
00:12:52,537 --> 00:12:53,804
but you have to stay strong.
394
00:12:53,872 --> 00:12:55,872
I'm gonna go find Russell.
395
00:12:55,939 --> 00:12:58,574
Keep...
playing with that duck.
396
00:13:00,811 --> 00:13:03,113
I want to kill you.
397
00:13:03,180 --> 00:13:05,781
Because I respect you.
398
00:13:05,849 --> 00:13:07,917
I think I understand hunting!
399
00:13:21,648 --> 00:13:22,882
Hello, Russell.
400
00:13:22,949 --> 00:13:24,684
Hey, Jess.
Thanks for coming.
401
00:13:24,751 --> 00:13:27,285
Oh, the mechanic called.
Your car's done.
402
00:13:27,352 --> 00:13:29,187
He also wanted me
to communicate to you
403
00:13:29,254 --> 00:13:31,255
that you need
to change your oil.
404
00:13:31,323 --> 00:13:32,857
(sighs)
405
00:13:33,925 --> 00:13:35,960
I want to, first of all,
say thank you, Russell.
406
00:13:36,028 --> 00:13:38,163
Um, and second of all,
I want to say, um,
407
00:13:38,230 --> 00:13:40,765
I know you donate a lot of
money to this school, but...
408
00:13:40,833 --> 00:13:42,966
- You think I'm a snob.
- No. No.
409
00:13:43,034 --> 00:13:46,870
No, I have nothing
against people who...
410
00:13:47,438 --> 00:13:49,773
live in enormous mansions.
411
00:13:49,841 --> 00:13:51,675
Jess, I'm 42.
412
00:13:51,743 --> 00:13:54,178
I've made a lot of money,
and I enjoy spending it.
413
00:13:54,245 --> 00:13:55,913
- Oh, you've got to try
one of these. - Oh.
414
00:13:55,980 --> 00:13:57,747
Deconstructed spring roll.
415
00:13:57,815 --> 00:13:59,348
- It's delicious.
- Oh.
416
00:13:59,416 --> 00:14:01,017
- Try it.
- Oh.
417
00:14:04,188 --> 00:14:05,988
Oh, my God!
418
00:14:06,056 --> 00:14:07,990
This is so amazing
I want to punch you!
419
00:14:08,058 --> 00:14:09,592
(laughs)
Russell! Russell.
420
00:14:09,659 --> 00:14:11,794
Come tell Carolyn about that
time you delivered that baby.
421
00:14:11,862 --> 00:14:13,862
Oh. Yeah.
422
00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:16,098
You delivered a baby? Just...
it was twins, actually.
423
00:14:16,565 --> 00:14:17,265
Twins?
424
00:14:25,541 --> 00:14:26,908
Are you wearing my sweater?
425
00:14:26,976 --> 00:14:29,277
No. Yes. It was on the back
of the chair.
426
00:14:29,345 --> 00:14:31,078
So I thought the sweater
belonged to the chair.
427
00:14:31,146 --> 00:14:32,479
I thought it was
a chair sweater.
428
00:14:32,547 --> 00:14:34,481
Those exist.
429
00:14:35,549 --> 00:14:36,283
I'm Nick.
430
00:14:36,351 --> 00:14:37,752
- Oh, you know Jess.
- Yes.
431
00:14:37,819 --> 00:14:39,186
I'm Jess' roommate.
I'm the guy with no phone,
432
00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:40,654
if she's told you.
That's my thing.
433
00:14:40,722 --> 00:14:42,456
- No phones.
- Why don't you have a phone?
434
00:14:42,523 --> 00:14:45,126
Because I don't want to be
tied to some corporate system.
435
00:14:46,193 --> 00:14:47,193
That, and no one
would give me one.
436
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:48,161
I have incredibly
low credit ratings.
437
00:14:48,729 --> 00:14:49,896
Yeah.
438
00:14:49,964 --> 00:14:51,931
When I was your age, I had
a really skinny ponytail,
439
00:14:51,999 --> 00:14:54,134
and I think I was living off
of selling my own blood.
440
00:14:55,201 --> 00:14:56,935
That's funny.
Then what happened?
441
00:14:57,003 --> 00:14:58,772
One day you just woke up
and you had all this?
442
00:14:58,839 --> 00:15:00,706
Well, I realized
I wanted to grow up.
443
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,242
- That's what happened.
- Um...
444
00:15:03,809 --> 00:15:05,978
I got this as a gift from the
company for Christmas, so...
445
00:15:06,045 --> 00:15:07,612
Oh, wow, that's great.
446
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,115
My boss gave me three credit
cards he found at the bar,
447
00:15:10,183 --> 00:15:13,218
and said, "You didn't
get these from me."
448
00:15:13,286 --> 00:15:15,587
It's a bartender joke.
I'm a bartender. We...
449
00:15:15,655 --> 00:15:18,055
We don't steal credit cards.
Cool, cool.
450
00:15:18,123 --> 00:15:20,191
Here. Take it.
No, no, I can't take your phone, man.
451
00:15:20,259 --> 00:15:22,161
I can't... it's just...
452
00:15:23,728 --> 00:15:25,362
it feels really
good in my hand.
453
00:15:27,532 --> 00:15:30,268
Is it possible to be sexually
attracted to an object?
454
00:15:30,335 --> 00:15:32,636
Yes, it is.
It really is.
455
00:15:34,038 --> 00:15:37,007
- You can keep the sweater.
- Thanks, I...
456
00:15:37,074 --> 00:15:40,410
I don't know why I put it on,
to be honest with you.
457
00:15:40,477 --> 00:15:43,113
I just came in here, and it
smelled like Shakespeare,
458
00:15:43,181 --> 00:15:45,615
if Shakespeare were
a damn cowboy.
459
00:15:46,183 --> 00:15:48,451
And hawk's nests, and boat fuel,
and cigars and burping...
460
00:15:48,519 --> 00:15:49,819
- man stuff!
- Yeah, yeah, enjoy it.
461
00:15:50,386 --> 00:15:51,320
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
462
00:15:51,387 --> 00:15:52,822
- I appreciate you.
- Yeah, yeah. Sure.
463
00:15:52,889 --> 00:15:56,425
Hey, Russell, why are you
being so nice to me?
464
00:15:56,992 --> 00:15:58,127
Well, you're
Jess's friend, right?
465
00:15:59,929 --> 00:16:01,263
Now, you fold that sweater.
466
00:16:01,331 --> 00:16:02,364
Don't hang it.
467
00:16:02,432 --> 00:16:04,366
You listening to me?
Fold it.
468
00:16:04,934 --> 00:16:06,968
Ah, I don't care.
Do whatever you want.
469
00:16:07,036 --> 00:16:08,569
That was really funny, man!
470
00:16:09,137 --> 00:16:10,305
Why did I...?
471
00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:14,909
Bidet!
472
00:16:15,977 --> 00:16:17,745
Bidet if I do.
473
00:16:18,848 --> 00:16:20,915
(bidet speaking Japanese)
474
00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:25,452
(overlapping Japanese words)
475
00:16:25,519 --> 00:16:28,155
Oh, my God!
(screams)
476
00:16:28,223 --> 00:16:30,657
- Oh, my gosh. Shut up.
RUSSELL: Jess, is that you?
477
00:16:30,725 --> 00:16:32,459
- Oh, God! Oh, God.
RUSSELL: What's wrong?
478
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:34,728
Sorry, Jess.
I'm coming in.
479
00:16:34,795 --> 00:16:36,663
- Oh, my God.
- What's going on?
480
00:16:36,731 --> 00:16:38,530
- Oh, my God! I just...
- Wait, wait, wait.
481
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:40,766
- Ow! - No, I just
pressed some buttons
482
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,468
- with cartoon characters on them.
- Yeah, it's Japanese.
483
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,470
Of course it's
a Japanese bidet.
484
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,472
Of course you have
a Japanese bidet.
485
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,407
Look, Russell,
I want to tell you
486
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:50,343
that I am not sorry
about what I said
487
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:53,145
because Sara is 12,
and she is creative,
488
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:54,512
and I don't care
if you pull your donation,
489
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:56,547
- I am not gonna grovel...
- Why did you think I was
490
00:16:56,615 --> 00:16:58,483
going to pull the donation?
I would never do that.
491
00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:01,486
(bidet repeating
Japanese phrase) Okay.
492
00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:03,054
Oh, jeez.
493
00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:04,756
It is some really
deep cleaning here.
494
00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:05,857
- Oh, God.
- No, Jess, Jess!
495
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:07,158
- Wait!
- Oh!
496
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:09,861
Jess, you put it up
to six happy faces.
497
00:17:09,928 --> 00:17:11,561
I've never gone past three.
498
00:17:12,964 --> 00:17:14,498
Jess, why are we leaving?
499
00:17:15,066 --> 00:17:16,867
And why are you all wet?
500
00:17:16,935 --> 00:17:19,469
Okay, did you take a bath in his
tub because you wanted to see
501
00:17:19,537 --> 00:17:20,637
what it'd feel like to be him?
502
00:17:20,705 --> 00:17:21,805
'Cause, weirdly, I get that.
503
00:17:21,873 --> 00:17:23,306
No. I want to leave
504
00:17:23,374 --> 00:17:25,375
because we don't
fit in here, Nick.
505
00:17:25,443 --> 00:17:27,043
I know that I've been saying
you can't give into this guy,
506
00:17:27,110 --> 00:17:29,278
but I don't think that you
should run from him, either.
507
00:17:29,345 --> 00:17:32,481
'Cause no matter where you go,
he could find you.
508
00:17:32,998 --> 00:17:34,183
I believe that.
509
00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:35,651
No, running's good.
I'm gonna run.
510
00:17:35,719 --> 00:17:37,119
Hey, Jess, stop.
511
00:17:37,187 --> 00:17:38,387
Look, this may
complicate things,
512
00:17:39,105 --> 00:17:40,623
but I'm in love with him.
513
00:17:40,691 --> 00:17:42,190
Shut up!
No, I won't shut up.
514
00:17:42,257 --> 00:17:43,925
He smells like strong coffee
515
00:17:43,993 --> 00:17:45,860
and going to see a man
about a horse.
516
00:17:45,928 --> 00:17:47,528
You're ridiculous, Nick.
Let's go.
517
00:17:47,597 --> 00:17:50,131
I am ridiculous, okay, but no.
518
00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:52,367
Be a grown-up.
519
00:17:53,935 --> 00:17:55,770
He likes you, Jess.
520
00:17:57,338 --> 00:17:58,572
Go back in there.
521
00:17:58,639 --> 00:17:59,873
I think it'd be good for you.
522
00:18:02,477 --> 00:18:04,444
And I'm not just saying that
because I'm in love with him.
523
00:18:04,512 --> 00:18:05,680
(scoffs)
524
00:18:05,712 --> 00:18:06,880
Just do it.
525
00:18:09,284 --> 00:18:11,585
Don't be intimidated just
because you're just younger,
526
00:18:11,653 --> 00:18:14,087
poorer and wetter
than everybody in there.
527
00:18:14,154 --> 00:18:15,655
Goldfinger!
I mean, no, no.
528
00:18:15,723 --> 00:18:17,090
I meant to say
Golden-Golden Hind!
529
00:18:17,157 --> 00:18:18,891
Golden Hind is
what I meant to say.
530
00:18:18,959 --> 00:18:20,093
- No...
- Winston,
531
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,628
you are all over the place.
532
00:18:21,695 --> 00:18:24,130
The Green Bay Packers did not
invent the T formation,
533
00:18:24,697 --> 00:18:26,798
nor was Crispin Glover
the first man to die
534
00:18:26,866 --> 00:18:28,234
- in the Revolutionary War.
- Shh.
535
00:18:28,301 --> 00:18:30,301
- This is supposed to be fun.
- Look, Babe, it is fun.
536
00:18:30,369 --> 00:18:31,837
I just don't want to look
stupid in front of everybody.
537
00:18:31,904 --> 00:18:32,871
- All right?
- You're not stupid.
538
00:18:32,939 --> 00:18:34,372
Well, I mean,
he did skip Earth
539
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:35,907
when listing the planets.
540
00:18:35,975 --> 00:18:38,376
SHELBY: What has
gotten into you today?
541
00:18:38,444 --> 00:18:41,146
I just... I just didn't want
you to think I was an idiot.
542
00:18:41,213 --> 00:18:45,050
You tried to memorize all the
trivia answers? Winston!
543
00:18:45,118 --> 00:18:50,554
I don't want some smart,
rich guy who owns his own car.
544
00:18:50,622 --> 00:18:53,157
I want to be with you.
545
00:18:53,724 --> 00:18:56,961
I don't care if you don't know
Ernest Hemingway's birthplace.
546
00:18:57,029 --> 00:18:58,595
Oak Park, Illinois.
547
00:19:00,831 --> 00:19:02,565
So, what are you saying?
548
00:19:02,633 --> 00:19:04,034
Are we doing this?
Is this real?
549
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,669
Like, are you my girlfriend?
550
00:19:05,736 --> 00:19:07,037
Because if that's
what you're saying,
551
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:08,638
then that would
make me very happy.
552
00:19:08,706 --> 00:19:10,406
Mm, me, too.
553
00:19:12,543 --> 00:19:14,878
Shelby, be careful
with his mustache, please.
554
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,412
- Mmm.
- It's very delicate.
555
00:19:17,847 --> 00:19:19,514
I can't watch this anymore.
556
00:19:19,582 --> 00:19:21,383
Winston, I hope
you're better in bed
557
00:19:21,450 --> 00:19:24,319
because your street work
is embarrassing.
558
00:19:24,387 --> 00:19:27,289
Am I talking too much?
I don't want to ruin the moment.
559
00:19:27,356 --> 00:19:29,424
You know what? If this was
my grandmother's building,
560
00:19:29,792 --> 00:19:31,325
she'd be outside
on the patio,
561
00:19:31,393 --> 00:19:32,794
and she'd be
yelling down at you,
562
00:19:32,861 --> 00:19:33,695
and she'd be saying,
563
00:19:33,762 --> 00:19:34,896
"You look beautiful.
564
00:19:35,663 --> 00:19:37,599
"The two of you are
a beautiful couple.
565
00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:39,534
I'm glad you found
one another."
566
00:19:39,602 --> 00:19:42,236
But she wouldn't invite you up
because she's a horrible racist.
567
00:19:44,506 --> 00:19:47,074
You want me
to put on some Jodeci?
568
00:19:49,578 --> 00:19:52,179
There you are.
I was looking for you.
569
00:19:52,247 --> 00:19:53,280
Okay....
570
00:19:53,648 --> 00:19:55,115
- Listen.
- Uh-huh.
571
00:19:55,183 --> 00:19:58,184
I'm not used to people
who have it all together.
572
00:19:58,252 --> 00:20:00,986
I think... you scare me.
573
00:20:01,054 --> 00:20:02,354
Oh, no, no, I don't...
574
00:20:02,922 --> 00:20:04,757
I don't have it all together.
575
00:20:04,825 --> 00:20:06,959
I don't even know
how to talk to my own kid.
576
00:20:07,027 --> 00:20:08,528
I can't even remember
the last time she hugged me
577
00:20:08,596 --> 00:20:09,895
and used both arms.
578
00:20:09,963 --> 00:20:12,332
She said she wanted
to go bra shopping,
579
00:20:12,399 --> 00:20:13,765
and so I bought
her a ski vest.
580
00:20:14,833 --> 00:20:16,801
Look, every eye roll
581
00:20:17,869 --> 00:20:19,638
means you're doing
something right.
582
00:20:19,706 --> 00:20:21,440
- Really?
- No, that's just what
583
00:20:21,507 --> 00:20:23,375
I tell parents to make
them feel better.
584
00:20:24,143 --> 00:20:25,644
Jess, will you have dinner
with me?
585
00:20:29,531 --> 00:20:30,314
Yes.
586
00:20:30,682 --> 00:20:32,516
Great. Good.
587
00:20:34,853 --> 00:20:36,920
Sh-Should I, um,
text you, or...?
588
00:20:36,988 --> 00:20:39,189
- No. I'll call.
- Great.
589
00:20:39,558 --> 00:20:41,626
- Okay, cool.
- All right, cool.
590
00:20:41,693 --> 00:20:44,895
(gasps)
Oh, no... Hey, Jess.
591
00:20:44,963 --> 00:20:46,630
Jess, why are you
in the koi pond?!
592
00:20:46,697 --> 00:20:47,997
- Jess, are you okay?
JESS: Oh, God, oh, God.
593
00:20:48,065 --> 00:20:49,899
RUSSELL: Okay, come here.
- Oh, God!
594
00:20:49,967 --> 00:20:51,134
- Koi in my dress!
- Let me help you.
595
00:20:51,201 --> 00:20:52,636
Koi in my dress!
596
00:20:52,703 --> 00:20:53,836
RUSSELL:
Are you all right?
597
00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:55,372
Oh, you got a fish
in your dress.
598
00:20:55,439 --> 00:20:57,206
I didn't ask you!
I'm talking to you!
599
00:20:57,275 --> 00:21:00,042
You want to come in here and
charge me a billion dollars?
600
00:21:00,110 --> 00:21:01,008
(laughs)
601
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:02,278
That's nothing to me!
602
00:21:04,381 --> 00:21:06,782
Want it? Want it?
603
00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,617
You're off the streets.
604
00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:10,085
I don't want to, either.
605
00:21:10,153 --> 00:21:11,820
You're the best cop I got!
606
00:21:11,888 --> 00:21:13,455
As President Miller of Earth,
607
00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:15,725
I'd like to speak to the
Galactic Emperor, please.
608
00:21:17,293 --> 00:21:18,293
Yeah, it's about money.
609
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,162
I'm gonna push a piece
of paper across the desk
610
00:21:20,229 --> 00:21:22,063
that I've written
a little number on.
611
00:21:22,131 --> 00:21:25,099
Why don't I just tell you?
It's five kabillion dollars.
612
00:21:25,167 --> 00:21:26,335
So, what do you say?
613
00:21:26,367 --> 00:21:28,935
Is China mine, Mr. Ying?
614
00:21:29,103 --> 00:21:33,204
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com