1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 www.tvsubtitles.net 2 00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:04,296 [J.D.] It's springtime at Sacred Heart, 3 00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:07,635 and the whole hospital had that end-of-the-year smell. 4 00:00:07,707 --> 00:00:11,541 Gloria, I need you to change the dressing on Mr. Kerns' wound. 5 00:00:11,611 --> 00:00:13,636 And I need you to suck it. 6 00:00:13,713 --> 00:00:15,578 Wow, Gloria. Do you kiss your 7 00:00:15,648 --> 00:00:18,947 great-great-great-great-great grandkids with that mouth? 8 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,249 ♪ Zoom-zoom-zoom ♪ 9 00:00:21,321 --> 00:00:23,551 Ted, that's funny. Where's the chuckle? 10 00:00:23,623 --> 00:00:26,091 The bank foreclosed on my house. 11 00:00:26,159 --> 00:00:29,788 - Where's your mom? - She's out in the car with the cats. 12 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:32,889 Dr. Kelso celebrated spring by wearing his golf shorts 13 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,457 to flaunt his oddly youthful legs. 14 00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,493 Take them in, people. 15 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,396 I shaved for you. 16 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:42,974 [All groan] 17 00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:47,510 Tell your Daddy what you just did. 18 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,183 I made a poopy in the potty. 19 00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,185 You know, son, as a doctor, 20 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:56,416 I spend a lot of my day dealing with other people's poop. 21 00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:59,356 And I'm not going to lie to you, Jackie, it gets old. 22 00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:01,792 Now that's, that's not to say 23 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:06,161 I haven't enjoyed waking up to a fresh brown trout in your Huggies. 24 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:09,565 Besides, you're gonna do the same thing for me some day real soon. 25 00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:12,935 And yet, aside from actually seeing you being born 26 00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:16,567 and that time Wayne Gretzky said, "What's up" to me in line at the bank, 27 00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:19,907 you out of diapers is the best thing that's ever happened. 28 00:01:19,979 --> 00:01:23,710 It truly is. Now why don't you go into your room and play for a little while 29 00:01:23,783 --> 00:01:26,343 because we're going to celebrate grown-up style. 30 00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:31,220 All right, get this over with. I need a nap. I've been exhausted all week. 31 00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:34,454 - Yippee! - No kissing. Hands behind your back. 32 00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:35,858 Let's go. 33 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:39,092 Yep, love was definitely in the air. 34 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,326 Hey, Kim. How'd you like a night on the town 35 00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,925 with the hottest doctor in this place? 36 00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:48,531 I'd rather just go out with you. Oh! ♪ Zoom-zoom-zoom ♪ 37 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,042 - You "zoom-zoom-zoom"? - Of course. 38 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,739 - I invented the zoom-zoom-zoom. - Oh. Cool. 39 00:01:53,813 --> 00:01:54,871 Liar! 40 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:59,282 So, Josh, you are suffering from a condition called phimosis. 41 00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:02,116 It's basically a hardening of your foreskin. 42 00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:06,591 As part of your treatment, I'm asking you to masturbate five times a week. 43 00:02:06,659 --> 00:02:08,422 Help the poor kid out. 44 00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:11,862 Wow, five times a week, huh? For me that would be cutting back. 45 00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:15,162 He said in front of his future girlfriend. 46 00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:19,335 You know what? I should probably mosey. 47 00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:22,169 [Groans] 48 00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:23,435 [Gasps] 49 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,205 Looking forward to our date. 50 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:36,049 See you around 6:00. Wear something slutty. 51 00:02:36,122 --> 00:02:37,885 ♪ Zoom-zoom-zoom! ♪ 52 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,720 That's mine. 53 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:44,127 ♪ I can't do this all on my own 54 00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:47,496 ♪ No, I know I'm no Superman 55 00:02:50,803 --> 00:02:52,737 ♪ I'm no Superman ♪ 56 00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:59,641 - Oh. You like that? - Wow, I felt it move. 57 00:02:59,712 --> 00:03:03,546 - Todd, you're touching your crotch. - I know. And I'm loving it. 58 00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:06,683 Hey, tubby. 59 00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:09,414 J.D., come here. I want you to feel something quick. 60 00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:11,654 Ow! 61 00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:13,089 Don't call me tubby. 62 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,956 Pregnant witch. 63 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,586 Hey. There's Kim. 64 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:20,462 She and Elliot bonded over an ability to communicate at a speed of light. 65 00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:24,526 [Talking at a very high speed] 66 00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:27,663 You'd have to slow it down for humans to understand. 67 00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:32,104 The shower's going to start at 4:00, there's going to be food and games. 68 00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:35,807 You're such a good friend. I got her a present, but since we're not close 69 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,350 I'm just going home to get ready for my date. 70 00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:42,478 Oh. Hey, you. I'm psyched for tonight. 71 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:46,685 Best thing about a date with J.D., if you're having Chinese and want Mexican, 72 00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:49,091 you walk to the other side of the food court. 73 00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:51,187 We are not going to the mall, Elliot. 74 00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:53,596 I was making you dinner, then go to karaoke, 75 00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:56,430 but I'm not sure how to do both in the same night. 76 00:03:56,502 --> 00:03:58,265 Unless, of course... 77 00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:00,306 J.D. Not Floating Head Doctor. 78 00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:02,307 Too late. I'm already there. 79 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:07,379 Body could stay home and prepare the feast. 80 00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:12,614 And as always... 81 00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:14,812 Head would handle entertainment. 82 00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:20,623 ♪ Don't go breaking my heart 83 00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:24,527 ♪ I couldn't if I tried 84 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:27,760 ♪ Oh, honey if I get restless 85 00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,358 Stop hogging the mic! 86 00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,130 Body, come! 87 00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:33,536 [Bugle march music] 88 00:04:37,143 --> 00:04:38,838 - [Crashing] - [Crowd] Oh! 89 00:04:38,911 --> 00:04:40,344 [J.D.] Stupid body. 90 00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:42,711 I gotta do everything myself. 91 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:44,947 [Grunting] 92 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:48,454 ♪ Ooh-hoo, nobody knows it 93 00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:51,684 Clap with me, clap with me! # Nobody knows... 94 00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:54,423 Head loves karaoke. 95 00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:57,622 I'm up for anything. I married my high school boyfriend, 96 00:04:57,697 --> 00:05:00,063 the only first date I went on was in tenth grade. 97 00:05:00,166 --> 00:05:02,134 It began with me in the back of his Miata 98 00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:04,135 because his friend called shotgun 99 00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:06,865 and ended with us going to the arcade to, and I quote, 100 00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:10,238 "Eat pizza and beat up nerds." And I married that guy. 101 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:13,939 Well, trust me, Kim. I've beaten up many a nerds in my day, 102 00:05:14,013 --> 00:05:16,914 but tonight's about you having the best first date ever. 103 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,951 All right, slugger. 104 00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:23,249 - Bye! - You don't have anything planned. 105 00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:28,089 You had to soil the food court thing. It's veal piccata night at Sbarro's. 106 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,823 I'd help, but I'm planning a baby shower for Carla. 107 00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:35,266 I am going to make this cafeteria look totally different. 108 00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:42,499 ♪ Baby, baby, 109 00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:45,634 ♪ Baby, oooh 110 00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:50,206 ♪ I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back 111 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,547 - # I want my baby back, baby back - # Chili's 112 00:05:52,618 --> 00:05:54,108 ♪ Baby back ribs 113 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:58,089 - # I want my baby back ribs - # Barbecue sauce 114 00:05:58,157 --> 00:06:00,990 - # I want my baby back, baby back - # Chili's... 115 00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:02,391 Ted, what the hell? 116 00:06:02,462 --> 00:06:04,623 It's the only song we know with "baby." 117 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,392 I want my money back. 118 00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:08,991 - What money? - What? I lost my house. 119 00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:10,126 Give me a break. 120 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,569 Fun, right? 121 00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:14,640 No one is mingling. 122 00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:16,834 Why are the morgue guys so damn cliquey? 123 00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:18,877 I want yellow. 124 00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:23,414 I wish I had cool morgue friends. 125 00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:25,246 Hey guys! 126 00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:27,114 - [Carla] Ooooh! - [Turk] Oh. 127 00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:30,019 Laverne, I didn't know you knit. 128 00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:33,525 I sure do. Mr. Roberts doesn't have one pair of store-bought socks. 129 00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:35,322 I'm gonna knit you a muzzle. 130 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,090 Those are all from us. 131 00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:39,495 [Jordan] It's just Jack's old baby crap. 132 00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:42,534 We're really excited to get rid of all that stuff 133 00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:44,934 and watch you guys suffer through the hellish 134 00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:48,770 relationship-ruining nightmare that is the baby phase. 135 00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,809 - Open something. - Go ahead. 136 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:54,313 - Those are my workout pants. - Uh-huh. 137 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,781 She's been trying to get rid of those, but I'll be honest with you, 138 00:06:57,884 --> 00:07:01,752 I love them cause they're so comfortable and you can get them on real quick. 139 00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:05,157 You ain't lying. 140 00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:07,192 Baby, check it out. 141 00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:09,858 Wonderful. Thank you. 142 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,962 Why can't we just talk to people? 143 00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:14,761 This is the baby games station. 144 00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:16,699 Once we start, people will join us. 145 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,829 OK, guess what flavor baby food this is? 146 00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:25,204 - Cab driver feet? - No, Keith, it's turnips! 147 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,439 You got it wrong, finish the whole jar! 148 00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,003 You guys, this is so much fun! 149 00:07:29,081 --> 00:07:30,207 [Gagging] 150 00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:33,580 Where the hell are all your intern friends? 151 00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:38,421 Listen up, interns. 152 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,824 Notice the definition in the upper calf. 153 00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:43,418 Look at it, damn it! 154 00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:45,323 See that? 155 00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:49,562 Back in 'Nam, the choppers would hover eight feet above my head, I'd jump in. 156 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:52,001 You should've seen the look on Charlie's face. 157 00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:54,402 Not the enemy, son, the pilot, Charlie Ross. 158 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,999 Great guy. He didn't make it back. 159 00:07:57,076 --> 00:08:00,102 - Where's the cake? - Eight feet? I don't believe it. 160 00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:05,346 Believe that, missy. 161 00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:08,318 I have to get ready. I want my date with Kim to be perfect. 162 00:08:08,387 --> 00:08:11,845 What do you think about a romantic horseback ride on the beach? 163 00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:14,085 - Like we did for your birthday? - Yeah. 164 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,527 - Except this time with two horses. - Why not take her to your deck? 165 00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,928 You guys can lie out and look at the stars. 166 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,762 Unfortunately, I can't. 167 00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:25,861 My deck has become sort of a cruising spot for older gay gentlemen. 168 00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:28,870 Get off my porch, you old queens. 169 00:08:28,941 --> 00:08:30,909 [Disco music playing] 170 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,443 Who's is this? 171 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,070 Who's is this? 172 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,705 You find somewhere else to hang out! 173 00:08:36,782 --> 00:08:39,546 I know for a fact Les Mis is in town! 174 00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:44,749 I tried turning my hose on them, but they liked it. 175 00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:46,485 If anything, good luck, buddy. 176 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,618 [Barbershop quartet] # Barbecue sauce 177 00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:50,292 [J.D.] I didn't need luck, 178 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:53,924 because this was going to be the most romantic first date ever. 179 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,961 Your steed, my lady. 180 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:59,937 J.D., I've never ridden a horse on a beach before. 181 00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:01,564 [Kim chuckles] 182 00:09:03,175 --> 00:09:05,507 And upsie-daisy. 183 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,746 Woo! No saddles? You going to be OK riding bareback? 184 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,517 No problemo. 185 00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:16,455 What's so hard about riding bareback? 186 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:22,490 [# Nazareth: Love Hurts] 187 00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:41,046 Oh, that was amazing! Wasn't that so much fun? 188 00:09:41,113 --> 00:09:42,774 Oh yeah. That was awesome. 189 00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:46,575 Thank you. 190 00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:49,120 Is this for when we buy the baby a dog? 191 00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:52,351 No. It's a baby cage. 192 00:09:52,458 --> 00:09:53,948 It's a good one, too. 193 00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:56,517 When I was a kid, mine didn't have these windows. 194 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,861 It's perfect. If you go out for dinner, it's got a water bottle, 195 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:03,095 so you throw some cedar chips in there so the baby can poop, 196 00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:04,534 you're made in the shade. 197 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,970 I'm kidding! 198 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,406 It's for when they buy the baby a, uh, puppy. 199 00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:11,841 Oh! 200 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,775 [Laughter] 201 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,314 This one's from me and Keith. 202 00:10:19,051 --> 00:10:22,179 He's here in the bathroom, throwing up summer squash. 203 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,880 Let's see here. 204 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,515 Oooh. 205 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,389 It's a preggy-teddy. 206 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,521 I got it at that new maternity lingerie store at the mall. 207 00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:34,862 I had a conversation with the sweet, old lady who owns the place. 208 00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:38,301 Not many pregnant women shop there. It's mostly just fat whores. 209 00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:41,339 - [All] Oh. - I got to get me one of those. 210 00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:45,410 Say, Bobbo. You want to weigh in on pregnancy sex? 211 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,106 - It's a freak show. - You've seen an ultrasound. 212 00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:50,148 They have eyes, they have hands. 213 00:10:50,249 --> 00:10:52,979 How do you think they're going to react to an intruder? 214 00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,019 [Grunting] 215 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,611 The baby can't grab me down there. 216 00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,214 - The baby can't grab me down there? - No, baby. 217 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:05,628 I called an ambulance, but you should really let me examine you. 218 00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:07,427 Oh, no, no. The date continues. 219 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:11,231 I'm a urologist. And there's a good chance you have testicular torsion. 220 00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:15,069 In which case, you could lose a testicle. Come on. Off with the pants. 221 00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:18,603 Looks like my plan is working. 222 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,739 Detruser function is normal. One is significantly larger than the other. 223 00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:25,716 Actually, that's a pre-existing condition. 224 00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:28,720 - So the right one's always been bigger? - Yes. Wait. 225 00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:32,224 - Your right or stage right? - Let me test the retraction. 226 00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:34,659 Retracted. 227 00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:37,423 OK, the date's not going exactly as planned, 228 00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:41,227 but you can still save it with your legendary gift for small-talk. 229 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,962 So, you're from Texas, huh? 230 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:46,903 They say that's the Lone Star State. 231 00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:49,440 What exactly does that mean? 232 00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:53,472 My boobs are so big right now. 233 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:57,607 I think Dr. Fishman threw in something a little extra when he did my chin. 234 00:11:57,683 --> 00:12:02,416 Would you, would you like to see something really, just, beautiful? 235 00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:05,457 There goes all of Jackie-boy's baby stuff. 236 00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:10,822 No, Mom, playpenlbaby cage is not like tomatoltomahto. 237 00:12:13,265 --> 00:12:15,790 I hope you're not beating yourself up about this. 238 00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:18,769 Sorry, I wanted to do something fun for our first date. 239 00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:21,864 No. It was so much more fun then, then you think. 240 00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:24,501 I mean, the first seven or eight minutes rocked. 241 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,943 Admittedly, it was more like work after that. 242 00:12:27,012 --> 00:12:29,310 But at least I got to third base with you. 243 00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:31,008 And there it was. 244 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:35,782 The moment where pity was turning into genuine affection. Classic Dorian. 245 00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:39,618 I feel like we kind of missed first base. 246 00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:42,152 Me, too. 247 00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:45,197 - Well, maybe we should fix that. - We should. 248 00:12:45,297 --> 00:12:47,128 And then it happened. 249 00:12:47,199 --> 00:12:49,326 [Dramatic music] 250 00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:52,234 - [Man] Elliot Reid. Moment Killer. - [Machine gun sound] 251 00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:53,464 What's up, guys? 252 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,408 Tell me every detail about the date. 253 00:12:56,475 --> 00:13:00,241 - We went horseback riding on the beach. - Yes. I've been on that date. 254 00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:03,338 - Really? - What? I had a coupon. 255 00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:06,441 I wasn't the only one to have an uninvited guest. 256 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:09,044 [Groans] You know what sucks? 257 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:14,058 I didn't even eat any of that crappy shower food and I still feel nauseous. 258 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:17,289 In fact, I've been nauseous for, like, two weeks. 259 00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:19,987 [Gasping] 260 00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:22,226 I've been exhausted all week. 261 00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:26,401 My boobs are so big right now. 262 00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:31,009 Yep, I'm pregnant. 263 00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:42,680 I pooped in my bed so I put it on the TV. 264 00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:53,894 Forgive me, but since I had a vasectomy last year, 265 00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:58,766 nay, two vasectomies, I feel, I feel I just have to ask. 266 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,500 - Did you cheat on me? - No. 267 00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:05,135 - And you know me. I always tell. - Oh, that's true. 268 00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:07,576 That's pretty much why we work well together. 269 00:14:11,984 --> 00:14:13,679 Are you responsible for this? 270 00:14:13,752 --> 00:14:15,117 What are you talking about? 271 00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:17,746 I'm selling my old mop. The 2007 s are in. 272 00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:18,949 Sorry. 273 00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:26,987 All right, Kim's right there. We spent all morning crafting a line 274 00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:30,160 so raw with confidence, that if you pull it off, 275 00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:33,399 - you're back in the game. - I'm afraid, Mocha Bear. 276 00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:35,531 I know. Buck up! 277 00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:40,810 - Hey, Kim. - Oh, hey, J.D. How're you feeling? 278 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,643 Well, uh... 279 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,344 ...the swelling's gone down... 280 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,744 ...for now. 281 00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:02,067 You're an idiot. 282 00:15:04,136 --> 00:15:05,797 Go out with me again tonight. 283 00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:10,137 Oh, J.D., I'd love to, but I'm going to a Neil Diamond concert. 284 00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:11,870 With who? 285 00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:14,469 [Dramatic music] 286 00:15:14,546 --> 00:15:18,107 - [Man] Elliot Reid. Moment Killer. - [Machine gun sound] 287 00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:20,185 - What's up? Are you psyched? - Hey. 288 00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,583 - I'm so psyched. - Me too. 289 00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:24,555 [Imitates Neil Diamond] # Everywhere around the world 290 00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:28,284 ♪ They're coming to America 291 00:15:32,331 --> 00:15:36,097 Could I, uh, could I have everybody's attention, please. 292 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,233 Jordan's pregnant. 293 00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:40,397 You get over here, you! 294 00:15:40,472 --> 00:15:43,305 - Not a hug moment, sweetie. - Right. Yes. 295 00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:46,936 [Talking in high-pitched voice] No. But Dr. Cox, 296 00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:50,778 here I thought you and Jordan were done trying to have any more babies. 297 00:15:50,849 --> 00:15:53,409 We were, but my vasectomy didn't take 298 00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:55,749 which, apparently, is not that uncommon. 299 00:15:55,821 --> 00:15:59,052 [High-pitched voice] Holy crap, Dr. Cox. 300 00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:02,821 That must have really pissed you off. [Regular voice] Yes, it did. 301 00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:05,193 What is, what is your name? 302 00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:08,199 [High-pitched voice] Oh, I'm any generic hospital worker 303 00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:10,326 who happens to ask you a question 304 00:16:10,402 --> 00:16:13,963 about your pregnancy andlor any baby-related issues. 305 00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:16,166 [Regular voice] Isn't that nice? 306 00:16:17,776 --> 00:16:20,336 This morality play was made possible by a grant 307 00:16:20,412 --> 00:16:23,074 from the Just See If I Was Kidding Foundation. 308 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,979 [Chuckling] 309 00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:28,144 - Do you want to do it, or should I? - Let's just do it together. 310 00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:31,189 [Mimicking baby scream] 311 00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:33,982 [Turk and Carla laughing] 312 00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:35,492 That's from The Simpsons. 313 00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:36,823 Ah, yes. 314 00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:40,921 I'm having a heart attack. 315 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,805 Did you guys hear what Jordan and Dr. Cox and did 316 00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:50,205 to the doctor who botched his vasectomy? 317 00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:52,501 Go Ted. 318 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:56,810 ♪ I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back 319 00:16:56,882 --> 00:17:00,909 ♪ I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back 320 00:17:00,986 --> 00:17:03,546 ♪ I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back 321 00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:06,853 - Dear God, when do they say "ribs?" - [Cox] Never. 322 00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:08,358 They never say "ribs." 323 00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:12,158 ♪ I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back 324 00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:14,995 ♪ I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back... 325 00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,703 I heard ten minutes into it, he started eating his face. 326 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:19,738 He did. 327 00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:24,332 You know what J.D.'s got planned since it's his day off and he's dateless? 328 00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:27,244 [Engines revving] 329 00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:31,710 This is my first scooter rally. 330 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,752 Do you want to be Ponch or Jon? 331 00:17:35,854 --> 00:17:39,085 I can imagine what Jordan and Dr. Cox are feeling right now. 332 00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:45,886 Do you really think we can handle this? 333 00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:47,522 I don't know. 334 00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:50,693 [Elliot] I can totally picture J.D., too. 335 00:18:00,112 --> 00:18:01,977 [Cell phone ringing] 336 00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:07,643 Oh, hey, Mom. 337 00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:11,746 No, I'm just hanging out alone tonight. I didn't have anything else to do. 338 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,587 [Knocking on door] 339 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:19,122 We want to give you your stuff back. 340 00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:21,894 We don't feel like dealing with that right now. 341 00:18:21,967 --> 00:18:24,094 - How about now? - Oh. 342 00:18:26,905 --> 00:18:27,963 Come on in. 343 00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:36,438 Ugh. I hate cleaning up after those messy old queens. 344 00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:38,483 Ooh, appletini? 345 00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:41,314 When did they start drinking straight guy drinks? 346 00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:43,877 Mmm. It's fresh. 347 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,117 [Kim] What's up, chicken butt? 348 00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:48,989 Hey, Kim. What happened to Neil Diamond? 349 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:52,188 I haven't seen Keith in a while, I'm gonna take him. 350 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:53,993 Kim's letting me off the hook. 351 00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:55,590 Thank you. 352 00:18:55,667 --> 00:18:57,362 You're welcome. 353 00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:08,237 - What's up? - Nothing. 354 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,415 It seems like good friends always come through for you 355 00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:14,383 - You like? - Oh, well. 356 00:19:14,453 --> 00:19:17,820 You know, I could, I could wear them out to dinner. 357 00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:21,085 - With a sports jacket? - No. 358 00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:23,661 It's OK. Don't get up. I got it. [groans] 359 00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:27,062 - OK. - It's only your child. 360 00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:30,467 Look, I feel like I can give you a list of things 361 00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:33,164 that are sucky about being pregnant. For starters, 362 00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:36,605 I'm now horny as I've ever been and my husband is repulsed by me. 363 00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:40,078 Listen, if you really need it that badly, I will suck it up 364 00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:42,807 and shut my eyes so tight and then do you. 365 00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:45,850 - Thank you for the sacrifice. - It's because I love you. 366 00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:47,714 My point is, 367 00:19:47,819 --> 00:19:50,185 even with all the crap, I'm sure it's worth it. 368 00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:53,656 I've seen how happy having Jack has made you two. 369 00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:55,590 And yeah, I know it's been hard, 370 00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:58,789 but I know that neither one of you regret any of it. 371 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,195 [Rattling] 372 00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:02,858 What the hell is this thing? 373 00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:06,426 That's Jack's mobile. Actually, it's his third mobile. 374 00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:08,871 The first two were embedded in the dry-wall. 375 00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,238 They can be quite frustrating to assemble. 376 00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:16,043 Do you remember when he was teething? He'd stare up at that thing for hours. 377 00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:18,647 Yep. 378 00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:23,885 Why's your TV smell like do-do? 379 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,986 So, what do you want to do tonight? 380 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,993 Just hang here and look at the stars 381 00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:36,795 until we're comfortable enough to make out a little. 382 00:20:36,868 --> 00:20:38,961 OK. I'm cool with that. 383 00:20:39,037 --> 00:20:42,473 [# Neil Diamond: Delirious Love] 384 00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:44,600 - Not yet. - Let me know. 385 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:49,677 And like that, I felt like all was right with the couples in the world. 386 00:21:26,752 --> 00:21:29,084 [Hissing] 387 00:21:49,107 --> 00:21:50,870 OK, now. 388 00:21:57,683 --> 00:22:01,050 And right then, I knew this was the start of something important. 389 00:22:09,227 --> 00:22:10,455 [Knocking on door] 390 00:22:13,231 --> 00:22:16,564 Two and a half weeks is too long to wait for a third date. 391 00:22:16,635 --> 00:22:19,001 I'm pregnant. 392 00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:20,766 What now?