The following programme contains very strong language, and adult humour.
VINNIE: We're gonna come in... under the cover of darkness.
(SIREN BLARES)
Will you let me have it?! Fuck me!
(SOUND DISTORTS, REWINDING)
- Let's bag 'em. - Vin!
Fuck it. (ENGINE STARTS)
(SIREN BLARES) Shit.
(DOOR BUZZES)
MCCANN: So...
how's everything running out there?
- Everyone behaving? - MANOLITO: Everything's fine.
If they were a problem, I would let you know. Don't worry.
And how's Vinnie O'Neil working out for you?
Vincent's a solid earner.
Just... keep a close eye on him.
♪ BARRETT STRONG: Money ♪
♪ The best things in life are free
♪ But you can give them to the birds and bees
♪ I need money ♪ That's what I want...
Morning, Lola.
♪ That's what I want ♪ That's what I want
That's what I want... ♪
Fuck! Fucking thing. (LAUGHTER FROM CCTV)
(LAUGHS) Don't fucking laugh at me.
Hey, hey, hey, dickhead.
How many times have I said about leaving that open?
- But it's only you that walks... Hey! - Oi!
- Oh. (LAUGHS) - (ON CCTV) My fucking head.
And the only fucking confirmation we've got
that Dylan got away that night is from bloody Manolito.
So, listen, if the MacDonaghs have grabbed him, right?
And Manolito's fucking saved him, and told him to go...
I mean, why the fuck would he do that?
ERIN: Manolito wants our weed.
He wants to get rid of the MacDonaghs, divide and conquer.
Now, Davey, Donna, I need you at Manolito's.
Get him out of that fucking stupid maze house
- so we can sneak in the stolen art. - DONNA: Shouldn't be a problem.
If it means that twisted fucker's sent away.
WOMAN: One moment!
Surprise! (LAUGHS)
- You! - Hi, Mum.
Oh, come in.
Papa, look who it is!
- Mustaffa, Mashalla. - Salam.
- Kif Halek. - You know me,
I'm as cool as a cucumber.
It's so good to see you, Mustaffa.
Mama, no one calls me that anymore.
I go by Manolito these days.
I can't get used to that name.
- O'Lito sounds Irish. - No, no, no, no.
It's one name, you know? Like, er... Cher, or Shakira.
Mustaffa is a good name for a pop star.
I'll get you something to eat.
Manolito. He was the name of the baddie on High Chaparral.
- Do you remember, Mammy? - Yes.
Suits my personality, huh?
Papa, I gotta get a few things from my room, for work.
- OK? - OK, Mustaffa.
♪ LALALAR: Hic Mutlu Olmam Daha Iyi ♪
Yah!
You motherfuckers underestimated me.
Well, now you're gonna pay.
What? You thought you could outsmart me,
walk away with what is rightfully mine?
You'll finally understand the gravity of your mistake.
That you have awakened a force unlike any other!
Mustaffa? We're gonna watch Cash In The Attic in a bit.
- D'you wanna join us? - Thanks, Mama, but, er...
I've gotta nip out for some business.
I've made some falafel if you wanna take some with you?
Shookran, Mama. You're the best.
And you're the best. (KISSES)
(PASLOWSKI WHISTLING)
Oh, no, please. No, no. (MOANING)
Oh, fucking hell!
- I can't stop it. - Don't finish it.
Fucking hell mate.
- Dirty git. - Oh!
ERIN: Well, I can't unsee that now, can I?
Hey. Having a wank doesn't make me a bad person.
It fucking does when you're doing it in someone's workplace.
Right, I'm sorry, I'm gonna get a mop,
because I can't have your jizzy smears in me general vicinity.
- Mm. - Just wiping his hands.
Why have you brought special wank shoes?
They're not mine. Mine are at home.
(ALL GASPING) Oh, fuck!
You motherfuckers underestimated me.
- Oh. - (CHUCKLES) You decide to cross me.
- Well, now you're gonna pay. - This fucking door!(GUNSHOT)
(ALL SCREAM)
- Oh, fuck. - What the fuck were that?
Er...
- Who the fuck is that? - Oh, fuck.
It's fucking Manolito, innit?
- He was gonna k-kill us all. - Someone needs to call an ambulance.
- I don't think an ambulance is gonna help. - He might not be dead?
Ashley, he's only got half a head.
I'm not a doctor but I don't think he's gonna make a full recovery.
Christ. Erin, are you alright, love? (EXHALES)
Erin? Oh, fuck.
PASLOWSKI: I don't wanna be here anymore!
I'm not into dead gangsters.
I only came in to let off a little steam!
We need to compose ourselves a little bit.
Don't go doing anything stupid.
We need to tell the police!
That's the fucking opposite of what I've just said!
- I-I just need to... - Get after him. Stop him.
No! Get off me! Unhand me! Oh!
Jesus, Carol.
Pull yourself together, Shirley.
You witnessed everything and you heard what he was going to do.
If you so much as breathe a word of this to anyone,
his friends will find out and, believe you me,
you do not want them showing up
at your farmhouse at the dead of night.
Be a smart lad. Go home,
and pretend that you were never here, OK?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'll... I'll do that.
It's doable. I should be alright. Yeah.
- Fucking unreal. - Is this very bad?
It's fuckin' terrible!
Look at the fucking state of that there.
I've got a gangster with half an head, in a bunker full of cannabis.
And I've got... I've got Lowry paintings, I can't sell 'em,
every fucking federale in the country's after 'em.
It's not good. That's the end of it, innit?
We should take him to Gary's morgue.
That's a really good idea. I'm sorry for shouting.
- No, no, no, it wasn't that bad. - I need to go check on Erin.
Erin, love?
Shall I be mother?
Erin... are you alright, sweetheart?
No.
Just listen to me.
I know that was really shocking.
That was really... I-I am shocked.
Good, so you should be! Because this isn't normal, Vin.
Christ, I know it's not fucking normal.
I'm trying! I wanna have a normal life, but it just...
..it's just not happening, is it?
I don't think things can...
be normal, and I don't think they ever will.
I, er...
Look, just do me this favour. Just...
..get a grip for now, right?
Now, that fucking heist, there is nothing...
nothing that ties us to it.
The only thing was that fucking car.
And that's been torched. I've had the lads do it. It's done!
- You did what? - Huh?
I had you torch the fucking getaway car, didn't I?
- You torched it. - Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Job done.
Yeah, we torched it. (BOTH LAUGH)
What you laughing at, you pair of twats?
You didn't say 'torch it', you said 'sort it'.
No! Fuck me, no! I said 'torch it'. What have you done with it, then?
It's... It's sorted, Vin.
We went and took the paintings out of it,
and left the rest there. You said sort it.
Right, one minute. This better be some shit joke.
No. No. No, Erin. No, no, no. We... We did what Vinnie said.
- Yeah. - He said 'sort it', so we sorted it.
I said fucking 'torch it' cos it's full of fucking...
It's full of evidence.
- It's full of our DNA and that. - One minute, one minute. So...
it's still there...
- with our fingerprints? - Uh-huh.
- Full of DNA? - Yeah, yeah. It's still there.Yeah.
It's in the woods. Yeah, we... we put erm..
Yeah, no, we put sticks on it, so... Don't worry about it.
- It'll be alright. - What the fuck?
It can be driven.
I'll sort that. I'll sort... Leave it with me.
- I've had enough of you. - Alright then.
I'll sort it myself.
- OK. - Carol?
What's going on?
I'm torching that car. Come on.
I'll come with you.
♪ LCD SOUNDSYSTEM: Dance Yourself Clean ♪
Is she aware that she's just taken the overflow piss can?
She's not. (DOOR CLOSES)
- Careful, Carol, you're spilling it. - I'm not.
- You're spilling it. - I'm trying not to, like. Oof...
We're going through them woods, yeah?
- I can't do it. - Straight through.
- I've actually got a stitch. - I've a stitch as well.
Oh, fuck.
Push it.
(BOTH GROANING) Watch your foot. Ow, ow, ow! Ow!
God, I've fucking been stung. God's sake!
Why is it we have to sort their shit out all the time?
They're fucking useless, the lot of 'em.
You just thank your lucky stars you don't have to live with one of them.
- Yeah. Oh, I used to, remember? - Oh...
- Harrison? - Who?
Come here, boy!
- Harrison? - What you... What you doing?
Just a cover of the story, you know, part of the cover.
If anyone asks, we're just some dog walkers looking for our lost dog.
Oh, yeah. Dog walkers who've lost a dog, yeah.
But miraculously got a gallon of fucking petrol.
Now just shh, and stop drawing attention.
Oh, there it is! Jesus, there it is, there it is!
Yes, Carol. I can see it.
- Come on. - It's fucking right there.
- Jesus, it's fucking... - Hurry up. Get it done.
- Go on, go, go, go. - Burn, baby, burn
- Wait, wait, wait, wait. - (SNIFFS) Oh!
- What is that? - Jesus Christ! It's not, is it?
Oh, my God. It's piss.
- It's fucking piss. - Oh, fuck!
They've used it as a toilet.
Sure are dirty fuckers!
Look, we just have to get these seats burning, right?
Carol, the seats aren't gonna burn. They're obviously fireproof.
Argh, fucking fingers! Oh!
- Fuck, my shellac. - Look what you've done now.
Oh, fuck, Erin. (EXHALES)
We're just gonna have to go and find some petrol.
Nothin' else for it, like.
(DOORBELL BUZZES) Meena?
Oh, God, fucking hell. Let me do it, dude.
She's obviously off doing a funeral.
TOMMO: Help me with the burden of sin.
Oh, he's still got it, he's still got it. Come on, then.
(GROANS)
- God, he's so heavy. - Jesus Christie.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - Jesus Christ.
Tiny little feet on him. Fucking hell.
- Ah! There we go. - Fucking hell.
Snug as a thug... in a rug.
Oh, dude. Fucking vile.
- Should we not say some words, like? - Eh?
Just... Eul-Eul... Eulo-
A eulogy. Yeah, alright.
Manolito was a very...
complicated man. He loved his animals, didn't he?
Fuck that.
Burn the cunt!
- Oh, for God's sake. - Tommo.
Oh, no, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it. Manolito...
you were, in fact, a great steaming bellend of a man,
and we're all glad that you've popped it.
Right, ready? Come on, now.
Zero flamage. Flame on!
- Flame on. - Flame on!
For fuck's sake, have you fucked about with that button?
No, no, maybe it's a microwave?
Yeah. Try taking him out and putting him back in again.
How the fuck am I meant to do that, Ashley?
Er... Don't know.
- Think about it. - Eject?
There's no fucking... eject.
- It's not a CD player! - What's going on?
Oh, fuck me.
You alright, Meena?
- You alright, Meena? - Oh, no.
Shit. Meena, listen...
didn't wanna involve you in all this...
er... to be honest.
It's err... It's Manolito.
He had an accident in the...
- Face... - bunker.
Why have you mentioned his fucking name and face?!
You've made her a fucking thingamajig now...
Accessory.
- Yeah. - Accessorise.
- Tommo. - Meena.
I think I'd like to see under there.
- You don't want to see it. No. - You've broken my door.
- We did. - I'd like to see under there.
Err...
- It's gruesome as Halloween in there. - Fucking show her the fucking head.
- Oh! - No.
(EXHALES)
It's quite the accident, isn't it?
What happened?
- He snuck up on us. - I kicked his face off.
Shot his face off.
I kicked him so hard that... I mean, he shot his face off.
Listen, Meena... we really have to burn this dude, otherwise,
shit is going fucking down.
Is there any chance...
put the bloody flames on for a brother?
Gary didn't pay the gas bill, so they cut him off.
(SIGHS)
- It's burials only from now on. - Fuck!
I don't suppose he had his house keys on him?
Mm?
We could take him back to his and make it look like it happened there.
Oh.
- Oh! - Ah.
Why can't you lot be more like that?
♪ PATTI DREW: Hard To Handle ♪
♪ Baby, here I am
♪ I'm a girl on the scene
♪ I can give you what you want...
OK.
- Filled it, yeah? - Yeah.
Right, come on. Let's go.
Cool, calm, collected.
(SHOP BELL JINGLES) Thank you.
Have a great day.
- Hi. - Hello, and welcome to Fuel Star,
where the customer's always the star. How are you doing today?
That's nice. (CHUCKLES) Erm...
Just number nine please, the fuel in the canister.
Would you be interested in joining our elite VIP loyalty programme?
There are a number of fun gifts and you could save yourself...
..twelve pence off today's purchase.
- No. Just the petrol, please. - What sort of gifts?
Goodness, the list is never ending.
Head torches, woollen hats, garden gnomes.
For only three stamps you get a free garden gnome.
A free garden gnome for just three stamps?
Count me the fuck in for that. (SHOP BELL JINGLES)
Just pay, please? Thanks.
Looks like this damsel in distress could do with a lift.
I saw you fill up your can.
I'll run you back in the Range, if you like.
- No, we've got it covered. - Don't be shy, jump in the Range.
I don't bite...
unless you want me to. (CHUCKLES)
We're fine. Thank you!
Come on, I never take no for an answer.
I don't even know the meaning of the word.
Do you want me to fuckin' teach ya?
- No. - There you go.
You do know the meaning of the fucking word.
♪ Cos, baby, I'm sure hard to handle ♪ Yes, I am...
And a big box of matches as well, please.
(MOUTHS) What the fuck?
♪ Hey! Here I am... ♪
VINNIE: Here we go.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh, he's coming in hot. Make sure you slow down.
Cardi, slow down a little bit for the van. Fuck me.
I don't think anybody's here.
Fuck it.
Come on, stop making a fucking dance out of it, bruv.
- For crying out fucking loud. - Engage your glutes, Ashley!
- And get your fucking... - Watch the alarm, sweetheart!
So he was sat on a stool,
and he shot himself in the fucking head.
Get him in! He's heavy.
- Can... Can... - What?!
- Can I... Can I have his phone? - No you can't have his...
Ah, whoa that's a good idea. Dude, check his phone.
It might even have some info or some shit.
Like what? Like what?
Like the reason he's broke into the fucking war bunker,
had a fucking hand can and wanted to murder us all.
That's not fair. If he's getting his phone, I'm getting his gun.
Hey, hey, hey! If he's having his gun, I want his sexy fridge.
Eh? No one's having fucking shit.
Listen to me right now. You're not having a phone,
you're not having a gun, and you're not getting his sexy fridge.
This is not fucking storage hunters.
We're trying to stage a crime scene!
It looks like an older model. Just try his thumb print.
(CHUCKLES) Good, yeah, cos his, er...
his face ID probably won't work, will it?
It won't unlock cos there's fucking dried brain on the sensor.
(PHONE CHIMES) Yes, we're in.
(PHONE CHIMES) That's the fucking, erm...
That's the weed bunker on telly.
- Gimme that. - He's been watching us?
There's a secret camera in the weed bunker!
Oh, my fucking Lord God.
Fucking hell.
- Jesus' sake. - I'll tell you what's gone on here, right?
That's how he's known about the fucking Lowry heist.
- Guys? - Yeah.
- Where's the rest of it? - What?
His face, where is it?
In the weed bunker, splattered all over the inside of the cupboard.
No pathologist in their right mind is gonna buy
this was the site of demise when a massive chunk
of his face and skull are absent. (DOORBELL RINGS)
- Who's that? Who's that? - A delivery fella. He's on here.
- Cardi, don't fucking... No, dude! - Hello?
I've got a delivery for Mr Mano Lito.
- Don't say anything. Oh, my God. - Yeah. Yeah. Yes.
Yeah, hallo, that, er... hello, that's me.
Yeah, could you... thanks. Could you just leave it there for us?
Sorry, need a signature.
- Needs a signature. - I fucking heard what he said, you twat.
Hiya, mate.
- There you go. - Thank you.
You'll have to forgive me. I was attacked by a chimp.
Sign in there for me.
(CAMERA CLICKS) Thank you.
No worries.
- There's a note. - 'With best regards, TMC.'
Who the fuck is TMC?
TMC is an abbreviation for 'touch my cock'.
It's not touch my cock, is it?
Who the fuck writes, 'With best regards, touch my cock.'
Why are we letting ourselves get distracted?
The clock, she very much ticks.
It is ticking. Now, listen, we need to take this fucking serious now.
I want you and I want him in that fucking war bunker.
I want you picking up bits of brain, skull, bring it back.
Aww.
Get the fuck on, right now. For God's sake.
(HOB CLICKING) Right, I'm gonna go and find out
where this fucking CCTV shit's stored.
I'll wait out front, keep an eye out.
Good lass. You do that.
What'll I do?
You'll stop pissing around with that hob...
and stay out of the fucking jacuzzi. Don't touch anything in the house.
(SIGHS)
Right, Carol, can you not see why asking for a box of matches,
and a can of petrol might look overly suspicious?
Look, we needed the feckin' matches, didn't we?
(CHATTER IN DISTANCE) Fuck.
Shh, shh, shh.
And when might that be, exactly?
It took two weeks and a phone call
to the Chief Superintendent before anyone came round
about that slanderous graffiti daubed on my front door.
(DOG BARKS) Roger! Come back here.
Come back, you naughty little bastard!
Right, let's get this done. Come on, quick.
- Come on, quick. - Burn, baby, burn.
- Just chuck it in. Chuck it in. - Dowse it in diesel. Come on, now.
- Dowse it in fucking diesel. - What? What? Carol?
Now, bit of patience there. A bit of patience.
Carol, please tell me you didn't put diesel in the fucking can?
Yeah, diesel is German for petrol, isn't it?
Diesel. Petrol, de... no.
Diesel doesn't burn, Carol.
- Doesn't burn? - No.
I didn't fucking know that.
(WHISPERS) For fuck's sake
♪ JULIA JACKLIN: Someday ♪
(WHISTLES)
Oh. Lights.
TV. (SOFT CHATTER ON TV)
Ah. Skull and crossbones.
I probably shouldn't, but...
(SIREN BLARES)
♪ Sometimes
♪ Oh, sometimes
♪ My ex says I'm lacking in depth
♪ But I will try my best... ♪
No? Alright.
(WHISTLES)
Argh! (CHUCKLES)
Oh, God.
Tommo, would you please come and help me?
You're supposed to be fucking helping me. What are you doing?
- Come on! - Alright, Ashley! Jesus Christ.
Simmer down, love. You'll give yourself a conniption.
Right, what we doing, then?
Just keep the fucking bag open for me, will you?
- I want to get the fuck out. - I'm preparing myself.
- Urgh! - Ah, fuck's sake.
Ha! Go on then.
Christ, drop it in. Fucking hell, Ashley.
- Keep it open. - I'm trying, aren't I?
It's dripping on my shoe.
Wah, go on then. Woah-oh.
- Hello, Davey love, are you alright? - Davey.
You two. Where's Vincent?
Vincent? Well, I mean, he's... he's not here.
(STAMMERING) In fact, you know, he's elsewhere, isn't he?
- Not present. - He's not answering my calls.
Have you tried voicemail or leaving him a message,
or anything like that?
Yes, I've tried voicemail. Are you taking the piss out of me?
- I'm not. - No, he would not do that.
- He would not. - I would never do that.
Where are them Lowrys... hm?
Hey, look... Lowrys?
Yes, Lowrys. The minge paintings.
We're meant to be planting them at Manolito's. That was the plan.
(LAUGHS) Davey, Davey.
You wanna talk to Vincent, don't you, you know?
Yes! I do want to talk to Vincent.
But if this is Vincent trying to fuck me,
then I'm gonna bite his fucking dick off.
Right.
- And then I'm gonna bite yours off. - OK.
- Then I'm gonna bite yours off. - I'd rather you didn't.
Now, where are them Lowrys? Hm?
- Where are they? - I dunno.
Er... Where are they?!
- Oh, no, no. - I'll tell you what, right?
In fact, you know, Vinnie,
has gone to hospital. Because...
- Sugar's had a baby. - Baby, yes!
- A baby, a lovely... - He won't...
A human baby, and so he'll have his phone off, won't he?
- He wouldn't be on it, no. - And if, yeah...
Well, tell Vincent I'm expecting a phone call.
We will do exactly that.
We will do that, yeah. We'll do that for you. Thank you!
- Thank you. - Do come back. Fucking hell.
(DOOR CLOSES) Christ.
Honestly, it's no wonder my pubes are going grey.
(FRIDGE CHIMES)
(WHISPERS) No way.
Very cool.
(CHUCKLES) Bye.
(GROWLS)
Vin?
Vinnie?
Mother fudger, look at the fucking state.
- Cardi! - I thought you were downstairs.
I'm not, I'm here. Look at t'fucking state of this.
He's been watching us for fucking months. Angles. Angle-icious.
- Angles, fucking... - Yeah.
- It's not good, is it? - It's not, no.
Well, at least he won't be doing that again.
Cos he shot his face off.
Go away. (LAUGHS)
Oh!
You are very fancy.
Oh! Ah.
(WHIRRING) Ah.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ON HEADPHONES)
(SOFTLY) Vin. Vin!
(MOUTHING)
- See, fucking cleaner! - Shit.
- I fucking know. - How we gonna get past?
I don't know. I'll think of something.
- Fuck! Fuck! - Vin!
- Dude, be careful. - It's doable.
Come on, it's fucking safe.
- It doesn't look safe. - Ah! Fucking hell.
- You're gonna fucking break you're neck. - It's fine.
You've just gotta traverse this way, that's all.
You're gonna be good at this, dude.
Do I look...? I'm not built to traverse.
Just come and fuck... Woah!
- Vin?! - Fuck!
(MUSIC CONTINUES ON HEADPHONES)
- Fuck me, dude. - Quick.
Oh, I've just torn myself a new bum hole there.
- Were the stairs doable? - The stairs were easy.
What the fuck? What the fuck?
- What? - Where the fuck is he?
- Maybe he isn't really dead? - Don't be so...
- Ah! - Course he's fucking dead!
Why is there so much blood? How is there more blood?
- Follow the blood. - Oh, dude.
Go on, then.
- Oh! - Oh, fuck me!
- Fuck! - Oh, is this very bad?
- Fucking very, very fucking bad. - Yeah.
Fucking Lola.
Ripped his fucking arm clean off.
- I can see that. - Oh, fuck.
Shh, shh, shh... shit. Get the rug, get the fucking rug.
- Argh! - Get in! Get in!
Stop shouting, you tart.
Shit, dude. Hide, man.
Wait, no. We need to mop the blood, quick!
- The blood. - Oh, for fuck's sake.
- Quick, I'll mop with you. - Er...
Go, go, go, go, go.
What you doing?
- I'm going behind the curtain. - No.
- This is my hiding place. - Let me into the curtain!
- It's my hiding spot. Fuck off. - Let me into the curtain!
- Shit. - Fuck.
This is shit.
Fuck's sake. Every bloody time.
Right, come on. (SHOP BELL JINGLES)
(COINS JINGLE) Wow, you two are really making the most
of our elite VIP loyalty programme.
Good job.
- Have you got your card? - Oh, yeah.
(SHOP BELL JINGLES)
You'll have a gnome in no time.
MAN: Looks like you lovely ladies are in need
of a knight in shining armour.
Can I offer you a lift back to your vehicle?
Oh, my God. Would you take the fucking...
Hello... officer.
So, how much further do you think it is?
It's not much further.
No, it's just on up this road here. Just another little bit, please.
Well, what's the registration?
I can call it in, see if something comes up.
MAN: (ON COMMS) All units be advised,
we have a report of an abandoned car in the woods
near Old Mill Road.
License plate: Lima, Romeo, One,
- Two, Lima, Victor, Victor. - There it is! This... This one here.
- On the left. - Officer, that's great.
- Thanks so much. You're a kind man. - Thank you.
Thank you now. See you again. God bless.
- Bye! - Bye now. Thank you
- See you. - Thank you!
Good luck!
(CHUCKLES)
Right. Why isn't he fucking off?
He's waiting for us to fill it before he leaves.
- Do you need some help? - Oh, no, no. We're alright, thank you.
- See you later. - We better start filling it before-
- We're not filling it. We need it. - It's gonna look fucking weird...
- We need the fucking petrol. - ...if we don't fucking fill it.
Get off, we need it. We fucking need it.
Carol, get off it. Get off it!
- For fuck's sake. - Why isn't he pissing off?
Have you got your keys?
Yeah!
Got the keys!
Can you hold this a second here?
- What? - Take this over. Take it, take it.
Take it here.
It's fucking empty.
Do you know what it is, Officer? We are waiting for you to leave,
because Erin has to do a massive shite.
Right, right you are, yeah. Erm... Bye.
- God bless. - See you. Bye, bye.
- Sorted? - Sorted.
Well, it's gone now, innit? Look, all gone.
Fucking waste.
- All the best now. All the best now. - Thank you! Bye-bye.
- Fucking weirdo. - WOMAN: Excuse me?
- Gerald, what's going on? - Fuck. Put that thing on.
We'd best go back to the petrol station.
- MAN: What are you two doing? - Is this your car? This your vehicle?
Listen, do not be alarmed, because we actually work for a charity
that goes around helping old people, filling up their cars.
We fill up vehicles with the diesel and petrol.
- No Carol, come on. - God bless, God bless.
What are they doing, Donna?
- Hello-ello-ello! - Honey, I'm home!
- VINNIE: Shh, shh! - Where's the body?
- Shut the fuck up! - What you doing?
The fucking cleaner's here. I'm hiding, you cunt.
Go on, get gone. Hide! (DOOR OPENS)
Fuck off. (MUSIC PLAYS ON HEADPHONES)
♪ MARINA P AND MUNGO'S HI FI: The Beat Goes Ska! ♪
♪ Drums keep pounding a rhythm
♪ To the brain
♪ La-de-da-de-de...
- Argh! - Shh!
♪ Ska beat was once
♪ All the rage, uh-huh
♪ History has turned the page, uh-huh...
(SONG CONTINUES QUIETLY ON HEADPHONES)
(PHONE VIBRATES)
Hi? No. I'm on my way.
I am. I've already left.
♪ And the beat goes on ♪ On and on! ♪
- Has she gone? - What you doing in the sexy fridge?
We'll use that leg of lamb to get the croc away from the body.
- Come on. - Alright.
I'm going.
Hello, love.
- Ooh, bit of lamb for you there. - MEENA: Go on.
She's not even slightly arsed.
Could we not have fucking defrosted that?
Well, we've had no fucking time to defrost it, have we?
- Hold that. - Argh! Eurgh!
I'm fucking going in.
Ooh, just be careful. (ALL SCREAM)
- What is that?! - Don't drop it, you dick.
- Oh, my God, dude. Argh! - Argh!
- Where's the rest of it? - It's just a fucking thumb, isn't it?
Well, she's fucking had it, hasn't she? Greedy bitch.
Guys, no one's gonna believe that he shot himself in the head
with half a fucking arm and a missing thumb.
DAVEY: Well, this really is some plan B.
Instead of planting paintings,
you've literally rendered him armless.
Hats don't compliment my face shape,
but if I did wear one, I'd take it off for you
for this formidable display.
- Hm. - Oh, it's delicious.
Your cunning and your wickedness
in contriving of a plan to...
feed a man to his own pet,
and then dress it up as some kind of tragic accident.
Oh, it's truly inspired.
Uh... Thank you?
Fucking idiot. It was an accident!
I kicked him so hard he shot his face off.
- Who else knows about this? - No one. Just us...
and that's it.
- He has a lot of associates. - Mm.
A lot of dangerous people rely on him.
Be hard to cover your tracks.
Donna's right.
This is bound to escalate things.
You've killed one of their own.
Unless...
♪ TRANSVISION VAMP: Baby I Don't Care ♪
(SHOP BELL JINGLES) (BOTH SIGH)
Kill me now.
- This is a big moment. - Is it?
It's gnome time, guys. (EXHALES)
Oh, he is beautiful.
He's small, but he's perfectly formed.
It's beautiful, like a tiny Kenny Rogers. How are you?
(LOLA GROWLS)
How can she watch that?
As something of a specialist on the matter,
I would say she looks like she's getting off on it.(DOOR OPENS)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) DAVEY: Hm, Manolito's minions.
What's going on?
Where's Manolito?
He's in there...
feeding Lola.
Why don't you take a look?
Jesus Christ.
We need to think about what we're gonna feed her next.
No, no. I... I... I think
these lads look like they're, er... (CLEARS THROAT)
- ..they could come in use. - Yeah.
You'll need someone to guide you.
Show you the diary, the transactions and everything.
I know the pin code to his phone.
I've got his thumb.
You'll have to deal with McCann.
- What do you fucking mean McCann?! - Would that be Terence McCann?
Yeah, Manolito's been running his business since he's been inside.
Er...
Ju... Fucking hell. Un-fu...
Fucking working for McCann this entire time!
Fuck me!
I-I'm happy Manolito's dead. I never liked him.
Really?
So much for loyalty.
I suppose you would like to come and work for us now, mm?
(LOLA GROWLS)
Alrighty, then. Welcome aboard.
Now, according to Manolito's phone, we've got a very important meeting
this evening with Manolito's supplier.
So, let's really put our best foot forward,
and get this show on the road.
(SOFTLY) Nailed it.
(SIREN BLARES)
Watch out, dogs.
Oi.
Finally! I've been waiting here hours.
Appreciate you calling.
Turns out the car was used in a heist at the Lowry.
Oh, sounds like I called you just in time.
(EXPLOSION RUMBLES)
♪ TOM PETTY: Free Fallin' ♪
♪ She's a good girl
♪ Loves her mama
♪ Loves Jesus
♪ And America too
♪ She's a good girl
♪ Who's crazy 'bout Elvis
♪ Loves horses
♪ And her boyfriend, too...
(HISSES)
♪ And it's a long day
♪ Livin' in Reseda
♪ There's a freeway
(MUFFLED) ♪ Runnin' through the yard
♪ And I'm a bad boy
♪ Cos I don't even miss her
♪ I'm a bad boy
♪ For breakin' her heart
♪ And I'm free!
♪ Free fallin'
♪ Yeah, I'm free... ♪
MAN: Hey, hey, it's calm. It's calm, we got this.
Don't go ruining this with any of your showboating.
(MIMICS) 'Don't go ruining this with any of your showboating, Davey.'
I seen those two before...
..but I don't know you from Adam.
Did Manolito not tell you he's going away on a long cruise?
He might not see land for some time.
I'm not just dealing with anyone.
No, of course not, sweetheart.
That's why he sent us.
You can deal with us from now on.
Unless you wanna go on a long cruise?
Now, are we doing this transfer and getting our food?
Alright.
(LAPTOP CHIMES) Done.
(CLICKS, WHISTLES)
You see, that's what I'm saying? It's alright.
CAROL: See? I told you that everything would work out alright.
Yeah, well, I think the universe has given up now
trying to tell me something. I think it's screaming at me
to leave this town before it's too bloody late.
Oh, you can't leave. I mean, what about Vinnie, like?
(PHONE RINGS) Ah!
Tyler, see? If that isn't a sign.
- You alright, darling? - TYLER: (ON PHONE) Hi, Mum.
I'm just with your Auntie Carol. You OK?
Yeah, I'm fine. When are you coming back?
Listen, listen, I've been thinking...
how about me and you go to your Grandad's old flat,
- the one by the sea for a bit, eh? - Yeah, that'd be great.
I'd er... I'd love a little weekend break away.
I love it down there.
Alright, well... we'll start packing when I get home.
- Alright, babe. Alright, bye. - Bye, Mum.
Come on.
♪ VERDI: Libiamo, Ne' Lieti Calici ♪
(PHONE VIBRATES)
Oh, where's that bloody phone?
Huh?
Terence McCann.
You know, you can reset the passcode once you've opened it.
Yes, I know, Donna, but I enjoy doing it like this.
It's more of a human touch.
Oh, bugger. Oop.
Ugh. Come here. Oh.
Terrence will have to wait. (SCOFFS)
(LAUGHS)
Dirty bastard.
Fucking Terrence McCann?! For fuck's sake, it's unreal.
So this package is from McCann to Manolito?
TMC. TMC. That's it, isn't it? Terrence McCann.
What's in it in, then? Is it a severed head?
What's that?
What the fuck is that?
(LAUGHS) It's a little clay man with his cock hanging out.
- He's got chode on him, a'n't he? - It's not very well made though.
He's probably did this himself, fucking idiot.
No, it'll have something inside it, won't it?
Go on, smash it open, Ashley.
- Maybe we should wait until we actually know... - Smash it!
- Smashley! - Oh, my God, dude.
- No? - No, there's nothing in there.
Of course not!
Oi, remember that film a while ago, the smugglers were all building
little statues of the Virgin Mary and they did it out of cocaine.
- Oh... Ashley! - They made it out of, they made it...
Your drift, I am very much catching it.
- Here we go, let's have a go. - Go on.
(SNIFFS) Fucking nutcase, dude.
(SCREAMS)
Gah! It's not cocaine. It's not.
ALL: Ohh.
Well, maybe we can put it back together. It could...
Good riddance to bad rubbish. (LAUGHS)
Why would that have been cocaine? It's a terracotta fucking statue.
Do you not know they got that fucking red brick prison cocaine?
They don't!
- They do. - Dude, they smuggle drugs...
into jail. They don't smuggle them out, you clown!
Those lads would be making a few quid by smuggling it out.
- 'Get this out!' - If they've got too much inside.
- Guys, guys. - What?
That thing you've just thrown out is worth 100,000 euros.
Fuck! (BRAKES SQUEAL)
Oh, fuck!
ALL: No!
Oh, no.
Fucking unreal, unreal.
(ALL ARGUING INDISTINCTLY)
Fuck! Fuck it!
- Jim? - Bea!
- When where last you seen her? - Years back.
Unlike you, I've got time to find someone better.
I've been loved! And I've been loved again.
The 'accidental' meeting...
I just wanted to see you again.
- I still like all the same things. - Oh, fuck.
- That's a bit close. - I should never have gone looking for her.
Fuck it. Happiness is a cunt.
Fuck!
Sub extracted from file & improved by Se7enOfNin9 for addic7ed.com
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind
♪ Give me the strength to carry on
♪ Cos everything I got is just about gone
♪ And I think about it... ♪