Previously on "Good Girls"...
A few weeks ago
that thing with the bank truck burning up,
crazy how much it cost me.
Can't do another one. I have a wife.
Oh, the bitch who stole my money?
Convince women these are real,
you get ten times the money.
He didn't know any women who could afford a real one.
- And we do? - We might have to find them.
We could send him to private school, St. Anne's.
Did you see the game?
Dude, you were so good. You scored, like, 20 goals.
I at least want my husband out.
Not until we know where the money goes.
I made a deal to get you out.
What did he make you do this time?
It's not him.
Do you want this over or not?
What if he finds it?
Improvise.
Grandma loves Grisham.
Let me ask you all something.
What are we doing here?
Like, right now?
I mean this operation.
Yes, you.
Trying to
get the bad guy.
Ah, how?
Yes, yes, go ahead.
By following the money.
And what would get in the way of that?
Um...
If you don't...
what?
We don't...
If you don't...
Show up on time.
'Cause today we got here before you did.
No, no, uh-uh.
If you don't
tell us...
that you're screwing the target.
Yeah!
Why didn't you tell us?
Um, because I'm not?
Your wire would disagree.
Okay.
I'm not screwing anyone, all right?
Except your friends
if you want to keep this deal.
You did it with him again, dude?
Not it.
Then what?
You know, the other thing.
Did it involve your vagina?
Sort of.
And his penis?
No.
So his hm?
No.
So his huh.
Okay, I was trying to distract him.
By trapping his fingers?
Because he was going to see your wire.
Unbelievable.
In his abuelita's house.
I really don't care how many bases you rounded.
They just call her grandma.
Oh, the boss, right?
How was I supposed to know?
Now we're right back where we started.
None of this is my fault.
Okay, just what are we supposed to do now?
'Cause, like, we really need this deal.
You are back on the bench.
One of you two will have to pinch-hit.
Now I'm getting confused because the baseball stuff
is blurring with the sexy stuff and...
No part of that man is getting any of this.
Her wire's still hot.
Anything good?
Well, Grandma loves "Two and a Half Men."
She's totally sick of CPK,
and her foot doctor appointment's on Tuesday.
What about our guy?
Oh, he's gonna need her.
Just don't ask me to wear a wire again.
What were you guys talking about?
- Subs by kinglouisxx - for www.addic7ed.com
Hey.
Little Money wants me to cut the crusts off now.
You thought about how we're gonna sell these things?
Ask me, it's the best part.
All right. Check this.
Hm, that's swank.
Four bedrooms, open floor plan,
mad curb appeal.
- Yeah, who's staying there? - We are.
- It's right by Harry's school. - Mm-hmm.
With all those rich moms,
it's the kind of place you buy a top-notch purse.
Yeah, if you got two Gs a night.
One of the girls at the salons
cleans these pads in-between guests.
Well, won't they know that we don't live there?
Not if we say we do.
Nah, I can't fake that kind of money.
All these bitches care about are their houses,
their charities, and what everyone else has.
Exactly.
Okay, you can just be my arm candy.
Hey, it's your ass on the line.
- Beth can't be a part of this. - Okay.
- I mean, she makes everything about her. - You're right.
No, I don't think you're hearing what I'm saying.
- I am. - She does whatever she wants,
- whenever she wants. - I know.
And the rules don't ever apply.
- You're right. - Next thing you know,
you got a bullet in your other knee, I'm back in jail...
- And she's living large. - Yes.
She can't even hear about this.
I agree.
You know I'm talking about Beth Boland, right?
- Yup. - Your homie.
Got it.
Really?
She doesn't tell me everything she does.
Huh.
Okay.
Good.
They were out of Windex.
That boy's onto something.
That's good as hell.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
Mugs?
Sit down.
I was really hoping for more of
a to-go kind of coffee situation.
Just, uh,
just lay it on me, bruh.
You were right.
Hm, exciting. About what?
I want to pull Ben out of St. Anne's.
Wait, what?
I don't want him to turn into a rich dick.
But you wanted him to go in the first place.
Well, I changed my mind, okay?
What, now that he has friends?
This place is evil.
He has teachers that love him.
His teachers will love him in public school.
But what about lacrosse?
He can play lacrosse anywhere.
They just got into the playoffs.
It's fine, all right, fine,
but you deal with all the birthday stuff.
What does that have to do with anything?
You remember Keeley Shukert's birthday last weekend?
- The Swifty karaoke? - Mm-hmm, yeah.
Well, it turns out that it wasn't a themed party.
Taylor Swift actually showed up.
Taylor Swift came to a 14-year-old's birthday party?
Yeah, and she played the whole "1989" album.
Did she do "Out of the Woods?"
- The whole album. - What about "Clean"?
The whole "1989" album, okay?
All of it. Every single song.
And then she stayed and ate cake.
My God.
Yeah. Yeah.
So, you know, what's Ben gonna expect for his birthday?
Selena Gomez?
I think she charges by the song
or by, like, the hour, or by...
Who cares? That's not the point.
The point is Ben can't think this is
what birthday parties are.
I mean, he can't be a dick.
No, so we gotta pull him out.
Right.
Stat.
What's faster than stat?
I don't know.
Maybe you'll figure it out.
Hang on.
Well, you gotta tell him.
Why me?
'Cause I'm eating the tuition.
Jesus.
This sucks.
Yeah.
Think they forgot to put the cinnamon in it.
I think that's what it is. Hold on.
Hey, I fed the kids fish sticks,
but I told them it was mozzarella.
We should get Kenny to cut his fingernails.
Why? He looks like a wizard.
Are you going out?
Yeah, I'm gonna run some errands.
Like...
like errands?
Why are you whispering?
It's just your hair and your makeup,
and you smell good, you know.
No, I don't.
Is this, like, an op?
- Okay, between us... - Yeah.
- You can't tell. - I won't.
Swear on Emma's life.
Can I swear on Kenny's?
- Seriously. - I'm sorry. Yes.
I won't tell, I promise.
I'm going to the grocery store.
What are you drinking?
Something strong.
Nah, come on now.
So dinner was, uh...
fun,
yeah?
Parts of it.
Got a problem, though.
What's that?
Grandma's pissed we missed dessert.
What'd you tell her?
That you're a fan, too.
Tell her thank you.
One more thing though, yeah?
Never mind, I'll just write her a note.
I need a bank.
Maybe try your mattress this time.
Safety deposit box would be even better.
Not when your husband's under house arrest
for laundering money.
That's why it can't be you.
What about the other girls?
Nah.
Same kind of heat.
Okay, who's it supposed to be?
It don't matter.
As long as they're in mom jeans,
no one will think twice.
Why jeans?
'Cause a dress like that draws
the wrong kind of attention.
She's not a mom.
She just needs to get him
to talk about his money.
She doesn't look like a mom.
They record that and boom.
She doesn't even walk like a mom.
Racketeering, tax evasion...
'Cause she's not a mom.
She has a mom.
No gummy bears before night-night, little fella.
Don't run with scissors, tiger.
Just getting my mom on.
Hmm?
We're so gonna die.
How hard can it be?
Literally nothing gets past this guy.
So teach me.
- How many kids? - Two.
- Names. - Tom and Sally.
'Cause it's 1958.
- Bryar and Julian. - Okay.
Bryar with a Y.
- How old's Julian? - Um...
- Quick! - One and a half.
In months.
- Always in months. - What?
Everything under two years is in months.
Everything over two years is in years.
- Why? - Never ask why.
- Why? - Only kids ask why.
Let's go again. Start from the top.
Now it's a mom bag.
- When's bedtime? - Seven.
Eight.
I go to bed at nine.
It's a trick question.
There's no point in setting one
'cause they'll never listen.
Do you want to live?
It's so gross.
It's 2:15. What are you late for?
- School pickup. - Just pickup.
How many times are we gonna go around this mountain?
No one says school.
Okay, just...
Oh, no, don't give him that.
It's too much sugar.
Yeah, the bad kind. Not the good kind.
You know what? Give him the sweet potatoes in the fridge.
I puréed them myself. Don't use the pouch.
I started adding tarragon to introduce spice.
Sorry I'm late.
Marty doesn't know what to feed the kids.
Okay, yeah, just do bath time
and then I'll be back in time for stories, okay?
All right. Love you. Bye.
So?
Julian has a temp.
102.
And a rash, which I was freaking out
because I thought it was measles
'cause he just had his MMR, but no.
Turns out it's roseola, which Bryar never had,
but she did have foot and mouth,
so I thought maybe it was that at first,
but I was wrong.
Poor little monkey. Hmm.
Anyway, I forgot to write down
what the pharmacist told me to get.
Where is that pen?
Oh, shoot.
Here it is.
She's ready.
Did you fix it?
It wasn't broken.
Danny said he couldn't do his book report.
Well, all he had to do was
replace the ink cartridge.
What is the Aqua Joy 2000?
It's the most powerful home spa on the market.
Yeah, I know, but why does it say that we bought it?
Because we did.
And we need it.
You said that no one needs a hot tub.
That was before my wife decided to go
all Donnie Brasco on us.
What are you talking about?
This is money that we don't have.
For starters, it's very loud.
Right, so in case you and the girls ever need
to get into a conversation
that you don't want other people to hear...
No one is listening.
How do you know?
Because I'm the informant.
Well, I can't risk it, okay?
You?
Yeah, me.
I'm taking all the risk.
Well, I have the most to lose.
Well, we don't need this.
I need Nevada.
There she is.
- Hey. - Morning, ladies.
- Good morning. - I added the chunky necklace.
It's great, right?
- No. - It's not. It's bad.
Beep twice if you can hear me.
Showtime.
Is it in the salt and pepper shaker?
All of it.
Can he hear when I'm talking to the condiments?
All of it.
Beep three times in you can hear me.
Oh, my God. Damn.
Up, ladies.
What?
Can't seat you 'til your whole party's here.
He's parking.
Actually, I spoke to the manager yesterday
about reserving this table.
Well, he ain't here today.
We really need this table.
So do those folks.
But there's, like, 150 other tables in here.
This is their favorite.
What if we ordered for him?
Don't count.
Why doesn't that count?
Because we don't seat tuna melts.
We seat people.
Okay, we're not actually here to have lunch.
Well, what the heck you doing then?
Ladies.
Round of Arnold Palmers. Thank you.
And you can just leave out the iced tea
for mine, thanks.
So, lemonade.
This is my friend.
I'm Carolyn with a Y.
So how do you all know each other?
- Pick up. - Garden class.
I mean, well,
I knew her first from school.
Yeah, she was the only other mom
who would rosé all day with me, so.
And then she did wonders with my perennials.
- Stop. - You did.
You should see what this girl can do with a topiary.
You'd be like, a-poosh!
I run a small landscaping business
when I'm not shlepping Bryar and Julian
off to play dates,
and Gymboree, and toddler tunes, and...
And then we've all been great friends ever since.
Yes.
Cool.
Way cool.
So she's trying to grow her business,
which makes her sort of perfect for our arrangement.
So what do you want me to do?
Well, I don't know about you guys, but um...
I can't talk shop on an empty stomach.
Oh.
Y'all ready?
Ready if you guys are.
- Sure. - Yep.
- Okay. - I could be ready.
Let me just...
I'll do a BLT, bacon extra crispy, please.
White or wheat?
Surprise me.
I'll just take a Cobb salad.
In fact, do you guys all just want Cobb salads?
- Mm, yummy. - Yeah, that's delicious.
- Read my mind. - Love Cobb.
Thank you.
So...
what do you wanna just have her
stash a bunch of cash...
Oh, uh, miss.
Could you wrap all that up to-go for us?
Thank you.
Where are we going?
To her house.
Why?
You know, you never know who's listening around here.
Well, we could go to my house.
- Way closer. - It's like, right...
- Yeah. - It's good.
Nah.
I want to see her place.
How much further?
Uh, just ahead.
And then?
Just a few blocks.
Hey, why don't we just talk in here?
Yeah, I mean,
it's just us.
Super private.
We close?
We're here.
They're in here somewhere.
Could just knock.
My husband's sleeping.
At noon?
Yeah, he's not feeling well.
Yeah, he got it from the kids.
Yeah, went through the whole soccer team.
Must've left them inside.
Ah, that's a shame.
Why don't we go to the park?
- Dine El Fresco? - Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they have those, you know, picnic tables.
He's up.
Ah, again?
I know. Sorry, babe.
You're gonna have to put them on one of those
big wooden sticks, like at Starbucks.
So when did you move?
- Recently, yeah. - Oh.
Ruby didn't mention it at the recital.
No, well yes, it's real recent.
- Oh? - Mm-hmm.
Where is she anyway?
Oh, she's on her way. Try some cheese.
It's real good.
Can I get you a refill?
How'd you guys get the wholesale hookup?
Uh,
he would be upset if I told you.
You know Louis Vuitton?
Try some cheese.
- Mm-hmm. - Hmm.
- Some more? - Is that real?
The ten point buck.
Oh, my God.
He never felt a thing.
Ruby offered to volunteer at my animal rescue.
Yeah, poor guy.
He got hit by a gravel truck on I-75.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah, yeah.
We thought this was the best way to
kind of honor his life.
Yeah.
What about the other ones?
I'm sorry?
Truck killed the whole damn family.
Oh.
Try some cheese.
Sorry, I didn't expect company.
You got a glass?
Next to the fridge.
Right or left?
Right.
I mean, um, I meant my right.
Not yours. That's...
Hmm.
So how does this work?
I'll bring you a duffel.
You keep what's inside till I need it.
What do I get?
Holding fee.
Sounds fair.
I'mma need a key to the box, too.
Okay.
Tomorrow.
Noon. Your bank.
Send all the details.
I wouldn't drink that, by the way.
Why not?
It expired a week ago.
That's it.
It's over.
We got him, right?
No, he got us.
He just laid it all out.
That was practically a confession.
I found this place ten minutes
before you guys got here.
You didn't have time to wire it?
I barely had time to text you.
Oh, God.
So it's not over.
Excuse me.
Is it safe?
Oh, yes, I am so sorry about that.
Everyone, meet Irene and Phil.
Your country thanks you for your service.
You have a very lovely home.
My aunt in Nantucket...
Dang, it's archway after archway.
Are you kidding me?
It's like the damn Taj Mahal
if it had two ovens.
Turkey in one, mac and cheese in the other.
Change the whole Thanksgiving game.
How'd we do?
You mean how did I do?
I had a situation.
Do you know how hard it is
to pretend you're someone you're not?
Every day.
Yeah, well, I'm not used to having two ovens
two sinks, two dishwashers...
They got two dishwashers?
Two fridges, too.
Dang.
Your pal, Michelle,
she was asking me who our interior designer was.
What did you say?
Jovann.
Who the hell's that?
That cologne you gave me for Christmas.
You threw me to the wolves.
It was a situation.
So, what, yours is worse than mine?
The life and death kind.
Or is it because she always comes first?
Well, it looks like you did just fine on your own.
Well, I'm short.
How?
Didn't sell enough. Priced them too high.
Well,
we'll have another party.
Well, then what am I supposed to tell Gene?
That it's coming.
Well, and that might put me in a situation.
Life and death kind.
Is that caribou?
Two of everything.
Hey. Soft serve.
So not fair.
Well, pardonnez moi,
we are out of foie gras.
It's about school.
Oh, you know, it's funny.
I actually wanted to talk to you about that.
Um...
Dad won't let me go to D.C.
Why?
He says you don't actually learn anything.
It's just a giant party.
Well, duh, yeah.
That's, like, why field trips were invented.
I will literally be the only one
in my grade not going.
Okay, and?
And I want to be with my friends.
Well, maybe
this is a chance to, like,
make some new friends.
- What are you talking about? - Just take a breath, okay?
- Have some pâté d'Annie. - Mom, tell me.
I will talk to your dad
about D.C.
Really?
I mean, it's D.C.
We can't be letting down our founding fathers, can we?
- It's kind of your constitutional duty. - Mm.
- Mm.
Mm.
Sick nails.
Nancy did 'em.
You mean her fancy person.
She doesn't come any more.
What, she's slumming it at the salon?
She's doing it herself.
You mean like at home?
Bought me cosmic blue on Amazon.
Why does the cheap stuff always taste the best?
They're having money problems.
Shh.
The kids.
She's doing her own nails,
hasn't been to Whole Foods in months,
and she's picking up her own takeout.
Who?
The Duchess of Winchester.
Who's that?
Nancy, Gregg, hello?
Otherwise, why would I be so excited?
Wow, imagine how excited you're gonna be
when you drive by their tent under the freeway.
Ugh, amen to that.
Um, how are you all doing?
You know, moneywise.
Well, I'm not in a tent.
Yet.
Can you spare any this month?
What's going on?
I got some extra bills.
How much?
- Six grand. - Jesus!
- What did you buy? - Another jazzy?
We're hustling these janky-ass purses
for Stan's boss, and I'm short.
Okay?
What?
How many scams are you running?
Why does it matter?
Because it's kind of weird that you didn't tell us.
It doesn't involve you.
It kind of does
if you're doing something sketch.
We do sketch stuff every day.
Yeah, because that's part of our deal.
We do so much sketch stuff,
- I don't even know what's sketch anymore. - Which we won't have
if they find out that you're doing something sketch.
She does kind of have a point.
I mean, excuse me, but what about your sex tape?
- Not the same. - It's exactly the same.
I did that to protect us.
'Cause the rules don't ever apply when it's you.
You think I wanted to do that?
Way to take a finger for the team.
You know, I can kind of see it from that perspective.
Would you please take a side already!
So what happens if you don't get it.
That'd be bad.
How bad?
Like, gang friend level.
You're really gonna do this, huh?
What do you mean?
Noticed how things are different now, that's all.
If Carolyn makes you f...
I know she can be a lot, so I've got other friends...
Is she FBI or Secret Service?
She's a mom
in my gardening group.
Found the wire.
Behind "Pelican Brief."
Don't.
Don't do that.
Open the glove.
Hand it to me.
You blew it, Carolyn.
And so now whenever I plug my phone in,
it's "I'll Make Love To You."
Boyz II Men.
Yeah, I played the damn thing one time
for this bitch who can't get going without it
and now it's all I hear.
Had that happen with "Mambo No. 5."
Yeah, you stuck with it forever.
Song herpes, am I right?
How we do?
Well,
I hate to say it,
but I'm afraid you crushed it.
Good.
It wasn't easy.
Should make you guys partners in the club, too.
Hey, that would be awesome.
I said I should,
not that I would.
But what I am gonna do...
Appreciate it.
...is invest it
back into the company.
What company?
Our fake handbag company.
We'd just rather take our cut.
It's gonna be big, though.
Yeah, we're all set.
Like Apple or...
Our loss.
Facebook.
Hey, that's all you, man.
You sure?
Yeah.
Real sure.
So you don't want to be the next Google?
We'll take our chances.
You know what?
I care about you guys too much
to let you do that.
I mean, we don't have any real investments.
That fool's going down.
Yeah, right.
Oh, no.
Sit down.
Mugs, huh?
You loved that eighth grade field trip to D.C.
You had that insane hookup
with Melissa Thomas at the Smithsonian.
Yeah, right by Lincoln's hat.
There's only one reason why you wouldn't let him go.
Is this drip?
Get used to it.
Nancy tried to grow the business too fast.
What's the damage?
We're totaled.
Want some cream? It's free.
What about school?
It'd be nice if he could finish out the school year.
He loves his dick friends.
And those dick parents.
Maybe,
maybe I can try to help with the tuition.
It's not cheap.
Really? 'Cause I thought a school
named after a saint would be free to all.
You make minimum wage.
It's more than you now.
I am never going to live this down.
No you are not. I am just getting started.
Bad day?
Wanna turn it around?
Hop in.
Tell me all about your bad day.
'Cause they...
won't hear a thing.
Come on!
Yes, ma'am Oh!
Ah.
So what happened?
It's complicated.
I didn't have a choice.
You got one now.
The way I see it, you got the angel on one shoulder
and the devil on the other.
Damned either way.
So what's it gonna be?