1 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,746 Poo! Poo! Poo! Poo! 2 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:28,252 They said poo-poo. 3 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:31,422 We should sew up her butthole so she can't ever poo again. 4 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:32,624 That's what we should do. 5 00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:34,801 But where would the poo go? 6 00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:37,048 It'd fill up her lungs until she couldn't breathe. 7 00:01:37,139 --> 00:01:38,505 Are you okay, Leanne? 8 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:41,467 I really think that you need to get that looked at. 9 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,392 Or at least put something over it 10 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,390 other than a dryer sheet and rubber band. 11 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,314 I ain't going nowhere until this bitch gets what she deserves. 12 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:59,401 In America, everyone has the right to a fair trial. 13 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:00,610 Unless you brown! 14 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,366 - Or poor! - Or famous! 15 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:03,446 Or white Christian! 16 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,247 All right, all right. I'm just gonna have 17 00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,701 a quick habeas corpus, quid pro quo with my client. 18 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:08,955 No go. 19 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:13,005 Look, 2007 Britney Spears on steroids... 20 00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:16,501 you best step out of my way so I can talk to my friend. 21 00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:19,804 Hey, your friend gave our only gun to a guard 22 00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,849 and then he shot off my best finger and escaped. 23 00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:25,221 That hillbilly bitch needs to burn at the stake. 24 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,725 Yeah, like, crispy. 25 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,225 Hey, how about a high four? 26 00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:33,067 Oh! Leanne! Leanne, Leanne, Leanne. 27 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,486 Poo! Poo! Poo! Poo! 28 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,689 All right. All right. 29 00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:38,864 Come on, come on. 30 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:41,158 Come on! 31 00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,906 What if it was you in there? 32 00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,576 Wouldn't you want that chance to explain yourself 33 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,123 before you got thrown into a shit box? 34 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:50,327 I mean, come on, let's be better than they are. 35 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:51,877 Let's have a little due process. 36 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,128 Due, due, due, due, due. 37 00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,425 She said doo-doo. 38 00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,549 - You got five minutes. - Okay. 39 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,269 Hi. 40 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:13,520 Oh. 41 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,317 Okay, okay. 42 00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:17,487 - Careful of the suit. Yeah. - Huh? Oh. 43 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,734 - What the hell were you thinking? - You mad at me? 44 00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:21,566 - Oh, definitely. - Are they gonna murder me? 45 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:22,992 Probably. 46 00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:24,740 What we gonna do? 47 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,955 - We're gonna give 'em a show. Okay? - Okay. 48 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,533 First, you need to look remorseful. 49 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,995 - You know, sorry for what you've done. - Oh, be upset. 50 00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:35,375 Oh, yeah, I can do that. 51 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:36,672 - Yeah? - I can do that really easy. 52 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,296 I have a lot of practice from my shopliftin' days with Mama. 53 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,844 - Mmm-hmm. - "Show Mama your sad face. 54 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:44,263 Now, tell the nice man you didn't mean to put the shampoo bottles 55 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,090 down your underpants." Yeah. 56 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,806 Mama and I, we could work a Save-A-Lot like no one's business. 57 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,057 One time, Boo, 58 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:55,267 I got away with stealing eight packs of chicken wings in my overalls. 59 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,771 But then I got caught with Cheez-Its. 60 00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:58,194 'Cause square boxes, you know, they're just... 61 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,862 - They're harder, right? - Yeah, of course. 62 00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:03,407 And sad face wasn't workin' that day because the manager was, like, a queer. 63 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,405 And he hated kids... 64 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,782 but Mama got off promisin' him somethin' called a popper? 65 00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:10,115 - Oh, yeah, I know what poppers are. Yeah. - Yeah? 66 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,040 - So, anyway, watch. Watch, watch. - Hmm. 67 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,335 That's actually remarkable. 68 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,176 Let's show the ladies, shall we? 69 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,878 That's it. 70 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,840 - Aw, you poor thing. - I didn't mean to, Mama. 71 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,595 - Oh, come on. - That's right. 72 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,802 - I'm sorry, Mama. - That's right, I know. 73 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:38,518 I don't need a medal, but a little recognition would be nice. 74 00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:43,440 I mean, the bringer of light should at least get a Twinkie out of it, right? 75 00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:47,702 You know, I told that whole room, "Hey, guess who fixed the power?" 76 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:49,991 Nothing. 77 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,615 It's a tough fucking crowd. 78 00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,628 Got any family out there? 79 00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,165 Yeah, me neither. 80 00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,886 Hey, guys. So... 81 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,635 it took me one whole minute to look this cute. 82 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:12,014 It only took me 30 seconds to get so pretty for you. 83 00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:13,344 Rude. 84 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,600 What? I'm two years younger than you. 85 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:18,683 My mom always said shit starts to fall at, like, 29. 86 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:22,145 How come no one ever told me this before? 87 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:24,401 I don't know. Maybe they were protecting you. 88 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:25,948 But it's good that you know now. 89 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,696 Get on the defensive. 90 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:31,826 I stick my face in ice every day. Like meat in the freezer. 91 00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,747 It makes that shit last a whole lot longer. 92 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:36,909 Okay, shut off the fucking camera. Now. 93 00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:43,045 Hey. All right, that's it. 94 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,634 Look, I don't know anything, okay? 95 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,336 I didn't see anything. 96 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:50,298 Can I go home now? I wanna go home. 97 00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:52,384 Just stack them in the entryway, please. 98 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:53,968 What the hell do you think you're doing? 99 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,395 I'm carrying out orders from Governor Hutchinson. And you? 100 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,144 I'm in charge of this place and you're in my fucking way. 101 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:01,226 Is that how you always speak with women? 102 00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:02,810 No wonder they're rioting. 103 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:06,022 Explain to me how the governor's plan to de-escalate the situation 104 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,779 includes rewarding the inmates with... 105 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,485 whatever the hell is in those boxes. 106 00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:14,493 In the future, you should ask instead of demand. 107 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:19,535 The CERT team cannot guarantee ingress into the prison without casualties. 108 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,746 Governor Hutchinson cares about the lives in there, 109 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,001 unlike other people involved. 110 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,253 That's you. I'm talking about you. 111 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,710 The rest of us are taking the necessary steps 112 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,342 to resolve this situation peacefully. Thank you. 113 00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:32,765 Uh, yeah, just keep going over there. 114 00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:35,476 What the hell? 115 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,729 Your shit's falling, right? How old are you? 116 00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:41,189 Did any of you children think to tell somebody 117 00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:44,519 that a stack of boxes just appeared outside while you were on duty? 118 00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:46,070 Mmm-mmm. 119 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,570 Oh, my God. Take a picture of her. 120 00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:53,323 Hey. Yeah, we got a situation in the front. 121 00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,907 So 30? 122 00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,084 Thirty-five? 123 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,877 Yo, we shouldn't be asking her shit like that. 124 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,795 Black skin doesn't follow the rules, you know? 125 00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,214 Please whisper better. 126 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,508 Oh, shit, we got a delivery? 127 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,881 Whoa! 128 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,552 Yeah, don't ever do that again. Ever. 129 00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:18,853 Was that Kanye? 130 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,773 - Yo. - Do we answer? 131 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,725 - I like her ensemble. - Yeah. 132 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:27,687 Not too in-your-riot-face, but some flair. 133 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,147 I'm doin' it. 134 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,661 Psst, psst. 135 00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,330 Um... 136 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,878 Hello? How may I help you? 137 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,501 Hi, there. Nita? 138 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,674 We spoke on the phone, I think? Was that you? 139 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:49,921 Maybe. 140 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:53,554 I have a delivery from Governor Hutchinson. 141 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:58,139 Oh. Well... thank you. 142 00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,560 Thank you very much. 143 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,980 We'll be in touch. Here is my cell. 144 00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,649 Let's keep the lines of communication open, okay? 145 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,319 Okay. Enjoy. 146 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,240 What the fuck? 147 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,818 Hey, man, get the... Oh, shit! 148 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:23,330 Thanks for the help, guys. Really appreciate it. 149 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:26,333 Some of us are smart enough not to go near a unmarked box. 150 00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:29,712 I mean, that could be anything. It could be a bomb. Anthrax. 151 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:31,758 Itty bitty soldiers. 152 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,716 Fuck it. One for you... 153 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,098 Cheetos! 154 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,062 - Takis! - Tampons? 155 00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:50,895 Hot Cheetos, Takis, and tampons 156 00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:53,106 just don't have the same ring to it, you know? 157 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,531 Yo, yo, yo... 158 00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:57,694 they're meeting our demands. 159 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,863 I told you, man! You did it. 160 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,910 Don't need nobody to speak for us. Fuck yeah! 161 00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,495 You a hero, man. 162 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,374 Girl, that's a mistake. 163 00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:16,133 Don't you know you always got to pay for the flipper? 164 00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:19,010 You really think... 165 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,183 Kandy with a "K" is gonna win Ultimate Grand Supreme 166 00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,682 with her own God-given teeth? Hell, no! 167 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:26,310 - Can we watch 106 & Park now? - Sure can. 168 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:29,899 You didn't ask for permission. 169 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,148 I ain't be needing your permission or nobody. 170 00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:35,072 Well, Ms. Tendler says otherwise, 'fore she knock the black off of you. 171 00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,694 You sound like a old lady. 172 00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:39,949 Man, I am a old lady, as of today. 173 00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:42,155 And it's my TV time. I asked. So... 174 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:44,160 Nobody else likes the shit you watch. It ain't fair. 175 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,786 What the hell are y'all doing? 176 00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,618 Dante, no TV for the next week. 177 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,669 Fucking bullshit! I hate it here. 178 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,418 Don't like you much neither. 179 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,170 Taystee, my office. 180 00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:56,423 - Time to go, old lady. - Shut up. 181 00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:01,385 Come on in. 182 00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,725 Have a seat. 183 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:06,805 Ain't gotta sit, 'cause I already know, Ms. Tendler. 184 00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:09,686 Now that I'm 18, I gotta start figuring out where I'm gonna live at. 185 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,894 Now, I know I only got a year to figure it out, 186 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:15,195 but... I got a job and I got some friends. 187 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,817 So, I think I'll be all right. 188 00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:19,028 Right? 189 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,485 Sit down, Taystee. 190 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,662 Happy birthday. 191 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,207 You got me a card? 192 00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:33,213 No. Your birth mother reached out, 193 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,712 but we couldn't tell you till you turned 18. 194 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,044 Contact information's in the envelope. 195 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:41,097 And don't go blamin' me. I don't make the laws. 196 00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:42,923 These white men do. Blame them. 197 00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,098 She's in here? 198 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,560 Something like that. 199 00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:05,537 Morning, sleepyhead. 200 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:10,913 What the fuck! 201 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,163 Don't worry. It's just a little drool. 202 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:18,584 What'd you get into last night? Is that some sort of new drug thing? 203 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:19,668 Bayley. 204 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,179 - You're out of here. - No. 205 00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:25,349 No, no, no, no. That's a mistake. 206 00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:27,893 You can't let me go. I'm a danger to society, sir. 207 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:29,686 Be that as it may, we can't keep you. 208 00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,809 No charges have been filed. Let... let's go. 209 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,684 Frank, Janie called. 210 00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:37,190 She'll be over to get you after she drops the kids at soccer. 211 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,646 Thanks, Tom. 212 00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:41,948 Ah, don't despair, little buddy. 213 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:45,244 This is why God invented booze and the drunk tank, hmm? 214 00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,951 You need to slip from your troubles, 215 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,333 make a little ruckus, and you spend the night in here. 216 00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:55,545 But everything's gonna be fine. 217 00:11:58,301 --> 00:11:59,667 Bayley, come on. 218 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,318 No Takis for you? 219 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,067 Leave me alone. 220 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:25,071 Hard to do that... seeing as how you're in my bunk. 221 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:29,576 It's her bed. It's mine. Go fuck yourself. 222 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,550 Why aren't you saying anything? 223 00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:43,753 Nah... 224 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,630 I'm good. 225 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,184 Some black power silent treatment bullshit or something? 226 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,603 More like... 227 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:55,689 I don't got energy to waste. 228 00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:59,484 I got my own sad. 229 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:09,449 She used to sleep here, man. 230 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,416 Right there. 231 00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:15,788 Across from me. 232 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,965 Sometimes she'd do this thing, where she'd... 233 00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:24,634 bounce her leg while she was tryin' to fall asleep. 234 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:27,963 The whole fucking bed would creak. 235 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:30,140 It drove me crazy. I would wanna punch her. 236 00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,432 Now I can't fall asleep... 237 00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:41,860 'cause I lie here, 238 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,402 waiting for the squeak. 239 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,574 I didn't know that. 240 00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:55,620 I never got to sleep next to her. 241 00:13:58,296 --> 00:13:59,662 That's the thing. 242 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:03,082 I'm not sad. I'm angry. 243 00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:05,755 I hate everyone. 244 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:13,096 Anyone laughing or smiling or... 245 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:18,310 being alive is fucking offensive to me and they should all just fucking die. 246 00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:23,811 And eventually, I'm just gonna burn up from rage 247 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,191 and then I'll just be dust. 248 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:28,740 And I don't know how to make it stop. 249 00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:32,619 I do. 250 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:41,207 Come on! You are coming with me. 251 00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:42,504 I got the baby. 252 00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:44,547 So? We'll drop it off at your cousin's. 253 00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,296 She owes me for the acrylics, anyway. 254 00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:48,342 How do I look? 255 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:52,256 Wow, pero, you look like... 256 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:53,386 Diane Sawyer. 257 00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:55,805 Come on. Let's rock this mother. 258 00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:03,483 Ahh! Gotcha! 259 00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:17,748 So, suddenly everybody think they on Orchard Beach or some shit? 260 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:21,497 I was thinking more Miami, but thank you for ruining the fantasy. 261 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,203 Right before Drake was gonna come over, too. 262 00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:26,381 Oh, shit, you think Pitbull might be coming, too? 263 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:27,708 Nah, girl. 264 00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,259 Maybe Fat Joe, if you're lucky. 265 00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:32,133 It's like Pitbull super-sized. 266 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,055 What the hell are you doing out here? 267 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,309 I was jealous. Wanted a tan. 268 00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:38,761 Mmm-hmm. 269 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:42,223 Don't you be trying to bring any of that crap from inside out here. 270 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:43,602 Out here, we're trying to relax and shit. 271 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,609 Like you're really relaxing in the middle of all this 272 00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:48,312 after what went down? 273 00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:50,819 It's more like I'm just tryin' not to make shit worse. 274 00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:52,858 Yeah, I hear that. 275 00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,154 You seriously trying to sit out now? 276 00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:58,409 Yeah. 277 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,036 I think so. 278 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:04,040 You know, I'm trying to get back home to my baby girl one day, 279 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,246 and this might be the only way 280 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,456 to avoid all the fucked up shit that keeps finding me. 281 00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:10,668 It's like... It's like I'm a fucked-up-shit magnet. 282 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:15,297 It ain't you. Prison's the magnet. 283 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,802 You think so? 284 00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,009 I hope so. 285 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:21,182 I gotta believe things'll be better on the outside. 286 00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,064 To laying low. 287 00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,318 To Drake's fine ass. 288 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,655 - I'll drink to that. - Mmm. 289 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,779 Look at Neri! She's showing. 290 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,737 - You're texting with Cal? - What else am I gonna do? 291 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,541 It's not like I'm busy with any important riot duties. 292 00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:46,667 Oh, my God. Sitting this out must be so hard for you. 293 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:51,087 You gonna spontaneously combust if you're not in charge of something soon? 294 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,260 Whatever you say, my great leader. 295 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:58,758 I am only here to serve you, my great leader. 296 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,760 Well, that's kinda hot. 297 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,355 What can I tell you? 298 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:10,436 Yeah, you can keep crying about Hugo... or you can make another decision. 299 00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,571 It's hard to lose a pet, eh. 300 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,866 Especially when he gets blown up by your ex-husband 301 00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,990 during a botched attempt to murder your neighbor. 302 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,163 I mean, it's a tale as old as time. 303 00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:24,037 Someone, who was definitely not my meditation instructor 304 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,333 at rehab number seven in Sedona, 305 00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:28,628 once told me that depression is holding on... 306 00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:32,716 and sadness is, uh... letting go. 307 00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:36,633 I think it's time for you to let go of Hugo. 308 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:42,180 You're right. You're absolutely right. 309 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,849 I have to let go. 310 00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:49,683 What're you doing? 311 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,439 - Thank you. - All right. 312 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:54,237 Whoa! Boundaries, right? So, there you go. 313 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:55,985 Let's keep it professional. 314 00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,420 - Hi. - Hi. 315 00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:13,499 My name's Lorna Morello Muccio. 316 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,255 Is that German? 317 00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:17,506 No, I'm Italian. 318 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,930 Yeah. I know you're Italian. 319 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:22,383 Your name may as well be Lorna Lasagna. 320 00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:24,138 Anyway, miss... 321 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,974 continue. 322 00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,349 I've been having these dreams. 323 00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:34,110 Go on. 324 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,984 Well, they're kinda like sexy dreams? 325 00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,276 Do these dreams, uh... 326 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,616 involve penises? 327 00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:48,246 Because that is going to drastically reduce my interest in the subject matter. 328 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,043 No penises. 329 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:53,213 Well, not exactly. 330 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,417 It's a little embarrassing, honestly. 331 00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,923 Um, I'm riding a whale... 332 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,465 in the ocean. 333 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:07,178 And the water, on my skin, it feels so amazing. 334 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:10,480 And, you know, they have those... those blow holes... 335 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:11,852 - Hey. Come on. - ...and it's aimed right... 336 00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:13,478 Hey, hey. 337 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,069 I think we're out of time. 338 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,197 Please fuck me. 339 00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,362 What about Vinnie? 340 00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,368 I really need your help. 341 00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:28,074 I'm so fucking horny, and I can't stand it. 342 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,203 And I need you to fuck me. 343 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,659 - You're begging me? - I'm begging you. 344 00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:31,789 - You're begging me? - Yeah. 345 00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,745 - You know I'm a doctor, right? - Yeah. 346 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,582 - You serious? - Yeah. Yeah, I'm really serious. 347 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,129 Look after your patient. 348 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:41,715 Your tits feel amazing. 349 00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:44,048 Oh, my God. I missed you so much. 350 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,262 What happens in a riot, stays in a riot? 351 00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:51,597 Yeah. 352 00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:06,032 Hand me that jug of oil, would you? 353 00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:09,160 You ain't greasing up like the rest of those beach bums outside, are you? 354 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:12,209 I haven't had a tan since '62. 355 00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:15,458 We're not gonna last long at this rate. 356 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:19,959 The human body can sustain itself for up to three weeks without food. 357 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:23,045 Myself, I've gone as long as eight days. 358 00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:27,132 Ran into some unexpected weather in Virginia on the trail. 359 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,552 You start hallucinating eventually... 360 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:33,389 but that could be fun, if you do it right. 361 00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:34,973 Shit! 362 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,231 That sounds like the kind of vacation I need right about now. 363 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,982 Get out of my head. 364 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,280 Can I do that without the starving and being outdoors? 365 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,528 You find the dope that's right for you. 366 00:20:57,339 --> 00:21:00,127 - Christ on a cracker. - Have you seen this video? 367 00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:02,049 "Hot Cheetos & Takis"? It's wonderful. 368 00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:03,843 Children are so motivated these days. 369 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,263 These snacks are delicious. Spicy. Cheesy. Crunchy. 370 00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:09,682 Great. Even the adults have lost their minds. 371 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,852 The President of the United States sent them. 372 00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,599 They're meeting our demands. 373 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,681 We won! America is great. 374 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,358 Shit. All this craziness is actually getting us somewhere? 375 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:21,107 Which means life in here will soon return to status quo. 376 00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:23,530 - Hallelujah. - Therefore, we have limited time 377 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,949 to drug Piscatella, drag him inside, 378 00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:27,992 and force the signed confession out of him. 379 00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:29,865 Oh, boy. 380 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:33,324 What do you think? What should our plan be? 381 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:36,205 What strong-but-not-so-strong- will-kill-him-poison should we use? 382 00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:37,627 Oh, I could google it! 383 00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:42,291 - Oh, shit. - Qué? 384 00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:44,922 - We're out of Takis. - Oh. We gotta go. 385 00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:52,429 Sometimes, you gotta let it be someone else's problem. 386 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,058 I mean, I'm just saying, though. 387 00:21:56,232 --> 00:21:59,725 You'd think by now some company would want to capitalize on my fame. 388 00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:05,573 I been in a national magazine and I'm a popular coffee-oriented meme. 389 00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,820 Like, where you at, Starbucks? 390 00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:09,572 There she go. 391 00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:12,530 We lost her to the fame monster. 392 00:22:12,623 --> 00:22:14,455 Shit! 393 00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:18,622 Riot headquarters. 394 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:21,625 How can you make our prison dreams come true today? 395 00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:23,877 This is Nita, from Governor Hutchinson's office. 396 00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:27,382 Oh, hey, Nita! Girl, what up? 397 00:22:28,514 --> 00:22:31,177 Them snacks you dropped off, though, were delightful. 398 00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:33,350 Truly. We delighted. 399 00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:34,801 - I... - I'm so glad. 400 00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:37,558 Hi, Nita. I'm sorry about that. Yes. This is Taystee. 401 00:22:37,648 --> 00:22:40,857 Put her on speaker. Put her on speaker! 402 00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:46,150 Taystee. It was nice to meet you in person today. 403 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,653 Oh, shit! She bein' all polite. 404 00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:49,949 It sure was. 405 00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:51,492 "It sure was." 406 00:22:51,579 --> 00:22:54,572 I'm so glad that you're enjoying the snacks and the tampons. 407 00:22:54,665 --> 00:22:57,453 I'm calling to discuss the release of the hostages. 408 00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,159 How would you and your team like to handle? 409 00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:03,664 What the fuck she say? 410 00:23:03,757 --> 00:23:05,794 I'm sorry. I think I misheard you. 411 00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:08,377 Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe it's my reception. 412 00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:12,009 I said I'm calling to discuss the release of the hostages. 413 00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:16,013 Yes, but what about the rest of our demands? 414 00:23:16,103 --> 00:23:20,438 The Governor is fully prepared to do everything he can to meet them, 415 00:23:20,524 --> 00:23:22,732 but we delivered supplies as an act of good faith, 416 00:23:22,818 --> 00:23:26,061 and now we'll need the same from you and the inmates in return. 417 00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:31,192 Yeah, see, I don't see how some snacks equals our hostages. 418 00:23:31,285 --> 00:23:35,495 Miss Jefferson, please don't make the mistake of thinking we're the enemy. 419 00:23:35,581 --> 00:23:37,914 Everyone wants this to end peacefully. 420 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,662 But we need your help. 421 00:23:39,752 --> 00:23:43,746 If you surrender the hostages, we will do our best to meet your demands. 422 00:23:43,839 --> 00:23:46,252 Do you think I'm not smart? 423 00:23:46,342 --> 00:23:49,801 You think I don't hear those trick words, "Do our best," Miss, uh... 424 00:23:49,887 --> 00:23:52,675 - Reddy. - Well, my best friend is gone, Miss Reddy. 425 00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:54,802 So, "Do our best" ain't good enough no more. 426 00:23:56,393 --> 00:23:57,600 "Do our best." 427 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,227 What my defense lawyer told me. 428 00:24:00,314 --> 00:24:03,648 Man, you'd think they'd come up with some better shit by now. 429 00:24:04,526 --> 00:24:06,017 So, where does this leave us? 430 00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:10,192 Right where it dropped us off. 431 00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:21,749 Tasha? 432 00:24:30,386 --> 00:24:31,593 Hello. 433 00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:36,180 You look just like... 434 00:24:36,266 --> 00:24:37,928 It's nice to meet you, Miss Jefferson. 435 00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:40,010 Mia, please. 436 00:24:40,646 --> 00:24:43,389 - You wanna sit? - Oh. 437 00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:46,232 Yeah. Thanks. 438 00:24:48,070 --> 00:24:49,857 Thank you for meeting me. 439 00:24:53,575 --> 00:24:55,111 Why didn't you want me? 440 00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:57,910 Tasha... 441 00:24:57,997 --> 00:24:59,829 It's Taystee now. 442 00:25:03,252 --> 00:25:04,493 I was 15. 443 00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:07,666 I didn't have nothing. 444 00:25:07,756 --> 00:25:10,464 No place to live. No parents. 445 00:25:11,635 --> 00:25:14,799 Just a boyfriend and a tiny room in his nasty aunt's apartment. 446 00:25:16,473 --> 00:25:17,634 Then I got pregnant. 447 00:25:18,934 --> 00:25:21,347 She told us she'd kick us both out if we kept it... 448 00:25:22,312 --> 00:25:23,428 You. 449 00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:25,764 Shit. 450 00:25:27,735 --> 00:25:30,853 I sound like one of them bad TV movies on the white lady channel. 451 00:25:32,114 --> 00:25:33,855 - Lifetime. - What? 452 00:25:35,325 --> 00:25:37,567 Channel where all those white ladies be cryin'. 453 00:25:37,661 --> 00:25:38,868 It's Lifetime. 454 00:25:39,788 --> 00:25:43,077 Ain't that also where them crazy parents be dressing up their kids like the... 455 00:25:43,167 --> 00:25:44,874 the dolls you put on top of the toilet paper? 456 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,293 Yeah. Toddlers and Tiaras. 457 00:25:47,379 --> 00:25:48,540 - Yeah. - That's my favorite! 458 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,002 I spent so many hours thinkin' about what you look like... 459 00:25:56,972 --> 00:25:58,508 who you grew to be and... 460 00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:01,057 what makes you laugh. 461 00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:05,094 And you, here... 462 00:26:07,024 --> 00:26:08,356 better than I ever dreamed. 463 00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:13,979 Thank you for giving me a chance. 464 00:26:16,325 --> 00:26:18,317 Thank you for finding me. 465 00:26:19,244 --> 00:26:20,780 Mommy! 466 00:26:21,705 --> 00:26:23,412 Baby, what are you doin' here? 467 00:26:23,499 --> 00:26:25,582 Hey, baby. We headed to the church. 468 00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:27,829 Hopin' to get baby girl some new shoes at the sale. 469 00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,128 - Oh... - Who's your friend? 470 00:26:30,756 --> 00:26:32,748 This is Taystee. 471 00:26:32,841 --> 00:26:34,332 Um, you remember Robin? 472 00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:37,169 She used to live over on Troy? This is her girl. 473 00:26:37,262 --> 00:26:39,219 Oh. Right. Hey, Taystee. 474 00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:41,298 Daddy, let's go! 475 00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:43,474 All right, baby. I'll see you at home. 476 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,472 Bye, Mommy! Bye, other lady! 477 00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:50,348 They don't know about me. 478 00:26:52,027 --> 00:26:55,520 They will. I promise. 479 00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:56,946 It's just I wasn't... 480 00:26:57,950 --> 00:27:00,158 You know, nobody teaches you how to be doin' these things. 481 00:27:00,244 --> 00:27:03,282 And I wanted to meet you first. And reconnect. 482 00:27:06,458 --> 00:27:09,075 I'll do right, okay? 483 00:27:11,588 --> 00:27:13,079 I want you to be family. 484 00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:24,720 Chubby dude, you can cross-examine the witness. 485 00:27:30,607 --> 00:27:34,226 Ladies and gentlemen, a tap dance. 486 00:27:35,696 --> 00:27:37,153 Miss Rice. 487 00:27:37,239 --> 00:27:39,902 Earlier, you stated that your favorite television show is Saved by the Bell. 488 00:27:39,992 --> 00:27:42,200 - Is this correct? - Objectification! 489 00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:45,327 Nope. Sit down. Answer the man's question. 490 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,077 That's correct. Saved by the Bell. 491 00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:52,002 Mmm-hmm. And, uh, what would you say is your favorite episode? 492 00:27:52,671 --> 00:27:57,166 Uh, that's easy. Um, the one where Jessie gets addicted to caffeine pills. 493 00:27:57,259 --> 00:27:58,591 'Cause it's real relatable. 494 00:27:58,677 --> 00:28:00,213 Yes, it's a classic. 495 00:28:00,304 --> 00:28:03,593 Yes. See, Jessie could not handle 496 00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:06,800 the pressure of midterms and her singing group... 497 00:28:06,894 --> 00:28:07,930 could she? 498 00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:10,979 Except, I didn't like how they were, like, you know, 499 00:28:11,064 --> 00:28:13,272 "Drugs are bad. Blah blah blah." 500 00:28:13,358 --> 00:28:16,647 Because I just don't think that that's a good message to be sending to kids. 501 00:28:17,321 --> 00:28:18,607 Hmm. 502 00:28:18,697 --> 00:28:21,610 And what do you think of, say, "Boss Lady"? 503 00:28:23,619 --> 00:28:24,655 You know, 504 00:28:24,745 --> 00:28:26,862 the one where the whole gang is working at the Malibu Sands. 505 00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:29,914 Stacey has to be the boss and nothing goes wrong. 506 00:28:31,084 --> 00:28:34,248 Oh, yeah, that one. 507 00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:37,627 It's funny. So uncomplicated. 508 00:28:37,716 --> 00:28:38,832 Hmm. 509 00:28:40,510 --> 00:28:42,376 Miss Rice. 510 00:28:42,471 --> 00:28:45,214 Would you say that if something is your favorite, 511 00:28:45,307 --> 00:28:46,798 you will have seen every episode? 512 00:28:47,643 --> 00:28:49,851 Of course. 513 00:28:49,937 --> 00:28:51,394 I'm glad we agree on that. 514 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,439 Because I don't know about the rest of the ladies and gentlemen in the court, 515 00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:56,607 but if I say something is my favorite, 516 00:28:56,693 --> 00:28:59,857 you better be damn sure that I have seen every episode multiple times. 517 00:28:59,947 --> 00:29:03,611 And I know that show like the back of my hand. Mmm? 518 00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:05,737 Therefore, you will forgive my confusion 519 00:29:05,827 --> 00:29:09,411 as to why you have not seen episode ten, season three, 520 00:29:09,498 --> 00:29:11,410 where, despite the delightful ending, 521 00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:14,664 which involves the entire gang coming together to help Stacey, 522 00:29:14,753 --> 00:29:17,370 everything goes wrong! 523 00:29:19,841 --> 00:29:21,753 Who is Stacey? 524 00:29:21,843 --> 00:29:24,677 I submit! The witness is a liar. 525 00:29:24,763 --> 00:29:26,049 She is not credible. 526 00:29:26,139 --> 00:29:27,846 And I have no further questions! 527 00:29:27,933 --> 00:29:29,640 Wait a minute! 528 00:29:29,726 --> 00:29:31,843 Wait a minute! 529 00:29:31,937 --> 00:29:33,644 That ain't got nothing to do with anything! 530 00:29:33,730 --> 00:29:36,143 We still saw her give Donuts the gun. 531 00:29:36,233 --> 00:29:38,771 Yes! She is guilty! 532 00:29:38,860 --> 00:29:41,273 Even if Lisa Turtle is my favorite! 533 00:29:41,363 --> 00:29:43,150 - That's crazy. Come on. - She is a liar. 534 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:44,947 No one likes Lisa Turtle best. 535 00:29:45,033 --> 00:29:47,195 Poo! Poo! Poo! 536 00:29:47,286 --> 00:29:50,199 - Order in the court! Order in the court! - This is ridiculous! 537 00:29:50,289 --> 00:29:51,871 There's got to be a better way. 538 00:30:11,351 --> 00:30:13,718 Holy fuck am I gonna be famous. 539 00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:16,304 Okay, this shit is fucking bananas. 540 00:30:16,398 --> 00:30:18,936 Aleida? Hi. April. We spoke on the phone. 541 00:30:19,026 --> 00:30:21,359 Let's get you inside. And we'll get you into makeup. 542 00:30:21,445 --> 00:30:23,186 You hear that shit? "Get you into makeup." 543 00:30:24,406 --> 00:30:26,193 Hey, Ape, let me ask you a question. 544 00:30:26,283 --> 00:30:27,819 I get paid for this shit, right? 545 00:30:27,909 --> 00:30:30,572 You think you could give me that grand in cash, up-front? 546 00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:33,075 What? Did someone tell you you were gonna get paid? 547 00:30:33,165 --> 00:30:34,701 We can't pay our guests. It's against... 548 00:30:34,791 --> 00:30:37,784 - I'm just fucking with you, Ape. - Okay. 549 00:30:37,878 --> 00:30:39,995 We're really going to need to get those "fucks" out of your system 550 00:30:40,088 --> 00:30:42,045 before we go live. 551 00:30:42,966 --> 00:30:45,754 You would not believe the cost of an electrical rewire. 552 00:30:45,844 --> 00:30:47,710 Totally astronomical. 553 00:30:47,804 --> 00:30:51,138 So, it's like, uh, do we try to do the work ourselves? 554 00:30:51,224 --> 00:30:53,682 - Yeah, I bought a book. - You're not an electrician. 555 00:30:53,769 --> 00:30:55,180 Okay, I could try. 556 00:30:55,270 --> 00:30:57,808 And what happens when the whole house goes up in flames, 557 00:30:57,898 --> 00:30:59,355 we're left with nothing, or, God forbid, 558 00:30:59,441 --> 00:31:01,899 you get a shock and cook yourself from the inside out... 559 00:31:01,985 --> 00:31:04,477 Stop. Stop. You're gonna stress out the muffin. 560 00:31:04,571 --> 00:31:07,609 - You're right. - Babe... 561 00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:13,236 So, what you been up to, man? 562 00:31:14,498 --> 00:31:16,865 Wanting to die, mostly. 563 00:31:17,959 --> 00:31:20,372 Oh, careful there. 564 00:31:21,296 --> 00:31:24,539 Your mom can't hear you usin' the D word, understand? 565 00:31:25,258 --> 00:31:27,921 Don't want you bouncin' around a rubber room. 566 00:31:28,595 --> 00:31:30,712 Yeah, that's a rough break you got, man. 567 00:31:30,806 --> 00:31:32,468 But, you know, uh... 568 00:31:33,850 --> 00:31:35,136 it's gonna be fine. 569 00:31:36,436 --> 00:31:38,894 Why does everyone keep saying that to me? 570 00:31:38,980 --> 00:31:42,098 That things are gonna be fine? 571 00:31:42,192 --> 00:31:44,309 How does that work, exactly? 572 00:31:45,237 --> 00:31:46,773 Is there a, uh... 573 00:31:46,863 --> 00:31:52,860 a magic wand or some type of special God who loves homicidal white guys? 574 00:31:54,871 --> 00:31:56,112 It's not gonna be fine. 575 00:31:57,165 --> 00:32:02,035 The whole point of life is waiting to see what comes next, but... 576 00:32:03,338 --> 00:32:05,705 I already know exactly how mine's gonna go. 577 00:32:07,467 --> 00:32:09,049 So what's the point? 578 00:32:10,095 --> 00:32:11,677 I should die. 579 00:32:17,477 --> 00:32:20,094 - Run? - Mmm-hmm. Run. 580 00:32:20,188 --> 00:32:24,273 As fast as you can, until you feel like your lungs is about to collapse. 581 00:32:24,359 --> 00:32:29,275 Until you can't think about nothing but how tired your legs are. 582 00:32:29,364 --> 00:32:30,946 I think I'm still drunk. 583 00:32:31,032 --> 00:32:33,024 You won't be after this. 584 00:32:33,994 --> 00:32:35,986 Come on. 585 00:32:36,079 --> 00:32:38,617 Hey! We gonna need your snacks. 586 00:32:38,707 --> 00:32:40,699 Oh, you see how you just say, "yours"? 587 00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:42,374 As in, belonging to us? 588 00:32:42,461 --> 00:32:44,293 It's important. 589 00:32:44,379 --> 00:32:45,745 You're, like, what, the snack police? 590 00:32:45,839 --> 00:32:47,705 Yo, they were a bribe. 591 00:32:47,799 --> 00:32:50,291 Mr. Fancy-Pants Governor thought he would trick us into surrendering 592 00:32:50,385 --> 00:32:52,468 - with snacks and tampons. - Mmm-hmm. 593 00:32:52,554 --> 00:32:54,295 They trying to plug all our holes. 594 00:32:54,389 --> 00:32:56,597 - So you're throwing them away? - That's a great plan. 595 00:32:56,683 --> 00:32:58,265 We gotta show 'em we serious. 596 00:32:58,351 --> 00:33:00,263 - That's badass. - No, it's stupid. 597 00:33:00,353 --> 00:33:02,561 Yeah. Don't... don't we want this to end? 598 00:33:02,647 --> 00:33:05,230 - We want justice. - Well, you want justice. 599 00:33:05,317 --> 00:33:07,559 We want to go home to our families at some point. 600 00:33:07,652 --> 00:33:10,645 Well, some of us ain't got a home outside. 601 00:33:10,739 --> 00:33:12,605 This is my home, and I'm gonna fight for it. 602 00:33:13,325 --> 00:33:16,033 Do you think that they would be doing this to us if we were men? 603 00:33:16,119 --> 00:33:17,655 This is so insulting. 604 00:33:17,746 --> 00:33:19,487 - Exactly. - Here we go. 605 00:33:19,581 --> 00:33:21,038 - What? - There she goes. 606 00:33:21,124 --> 00:33:24,458 I'm done sitting out there and sunbathing. I mean, we've all done the hard part. 607 00:33:24,544 --> 00:33:27,787 That's what I'm saying. All we gotta do is wait 'em out. 608 00:33:27,881 --> 00:33:29,088 We owe this to ourselves. 609 00:33:29,174 --> 00:33:30,756 That's right. 610 00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:38,096 How can I help? 611 00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:40,015 You can collect. 612 00:33:40,101 --> 00:33:41,342 But people ain't gonna like you. 613 00:33:42,062 --> 00:33:43,223 Story of my life. 614 00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:46,685 - Gimme these goddamn... - Yo! I just opened that shit, man! 615 00:33:46,775 --> 00:33:50,064 We need all y'all motherfucking Cheetos. Give 'em up. 616 00:34:58,638 --> 00:35:00,630 - Sixty seconds. - Almost finished? 617 00:35:00,724 --> 00:35:04,092 Well, if what's-her-face stopped using words like, "subtle" and "dewy," 618 00:35:04,185 --> 00:35:05,972 we could've finished yesterday. 619 00:35:07,022 --> 00:35:09,105 You look gorgeous. 620 00:35:09,190 --> 00:35:10,431 Thank you. 621 00:35:10,525 --> 00:35:13,313 All right. Good luck! Make your answers real long. 622 00:35:13,403 --> 00:35:14,610 You'll sound smarter that way. 623 00:35:14,696 --> 00:35:17,109 And turn your right side to the camera. That's your pretty side. 624 00:35:17,198 --> 00:35:19,281 And use the news guy's name a lot. 625 00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:22,155 Ooh, ooh! And always answer a question with another question. 626 00:35:22,245 --> 00:35:23,531 - Ooh. - Fifteen seconds. 627 00:35:23,622 --> 00:35:25,955 Look, do me a favor and don't get me fired, okay? 628 00:35:26,041 --> 00:35:27,657 Fired? I'm gonna get your ass a promotion. 629 00:35:27,751 --> 00:35:30,960 Aleida, this is Susan. She'll be interviewing you today. 630 00:35:31,046 --> 00:35:34,414 - Air in five, four, three, two... - Hello. 631 00:35:35,717 --> 00:35:38,551 Welcome back to New York Metro, where we're continuing to track 632 00:35:38,637 --> 00:35:41,675 the developing situation at Litchfield Federal Prison. 633 00:35:41,765 --> 00:35:46,100 Joining us today is Aleida Diaz, a former inmate at Litchfield. 634 00:35:46,186 --> 00:35:49,725 Miss Diaz, I understand you were very recently released. 635 00:35:50,732 --> 00:35:52,223 Was I recently released? 636 00:35:55,111 --> 00:35:56,647 I'm not sure what you mean. 637 00:35:56,738 --> 00:35:58,104 Exactly, Susie-Q. 638 00:35:59,115 --> 00:36:00,276 It's Susan. 639 00:36:00,367 --> 00:36:05,362 Have you had any contact with anyone at Litchfield since this situation arose? 640 00:36:05,455 --> 00:36:07,447 Do you... do you still have friends inside? 641 00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:11,117 Yeah. I... And I talked to them. 642 00:36:11,211 --> 00:36:12,747 Are they okay? 643 00:36:13,588 --> 00:36:16,001 Well, it's hard to get answers from those bitches, you know? 644 00:36:16,091 --> 00:36:18,629 - Oh. Sorry. Can I say "bitches"? - You can. 645 00:36:18,718 --> 00:36:20,334 - Well, shit. - Oh, you can't say that. 646 00:36:20,428 --> 00:36:22,886 What kind of fucking bullshit rule is that? 647 00:36:22,972 --> 00:36:24,088 Okay. 648 00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:27,599 What do you think she's doing, right now? 649 00:36:28,812 --> 00:36:32,772 Probably sitting on her veranda, 650 00:36:32,857 --> 00:36:37,443 being served some kind of garden fresh salad 651 00:36:37,529 --> 00:36:40,818 with walnuts and goat cheese. 652 00:36:40,907 --> 00:36:46,904 Maybe it's accompanied by some sort of tropical iced green tea. 653 00:36:46,996 --> 00:36:48,328 Goat cheese. 654 00:36:49,332 --> 00:36:51,119 That's so Judy. 655 00:36:51,209 --> 00:36:53,747 She probably knows the goat it came from. 656 00:36:54,754 --> 00:36:56,620 You think she liked us? 657 00:36:57,590 --> 00:36:58,922 Maybe. 658 00:36:59,008 --> 00:37:01,375 Before we kidnapped her and nailed her to a cross. 659 00:37:01,469 --> 00:37:02,710 Yeah. 660 00:37:03,430 --> 00:37:06,343 Hand over all your Cheetos and Takis. Now. 661 00:37:06,433 --> 00:37:08,891 Ooh, Chapman coming in hot! 662 00:37:09,561 --> 00:37:10,517 We didn't get any. 663 00:37:10,603 --> 00:37:12,720 Let's go. Hand 'em over. 664 00:37:12,814 --> 00:37:16,057 We have no idea what you're talking about. 665 00:37:16,151 --> 00:37:18,188 - You are a liar. - Mmm-hmm. 666 00:37:18,278 --> 00:37:20,645 Anyone ever tell you about the catching bees with honey thing? 667 00:37:20,739 --> 00:37:23,447 - It's important to draw a hard line. - The line was, like, 100 feet back. 668 00:37:23,533 --> 00:37:26,401 - Check her fingers. - Perfect. 669 00:37:26,494 --> 00:37:30,204 'Cause you know what was on my agenda today? Molest an old lady. 670 00:37:30,999 --> 00:37:32,160 Fine. 671 00:37:33,418 --> 00:37:34,659 I'll do it. 672 00:37:36,421 --> 00:37:37,832 Let me see your fingers. 673 00:37:40,216 --> 00:37:42,583 Let me see your... Let me see your finger. 674 00:37:42,677 --> 00:37:44,134 Let me see your fingers. 675 00:37:45,638 --> 00:37:47,675 See? 676 00:37:48,349 --> 00:37:51,933 Holy shit. Nancy Drew done uncovered a suspect. 677 00:37:52,020 --> 00:37:53,977 - Let's search 'em. - Now, hold on a second. 678 00:37:54,063 --> 00:37:59,058 You don't have the right to go through our things like that. But... 679 00:38:00,445 --> 00:38:03,188 - Gotcha. - So much for respecting your elders! 680 00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,113 Yeah. 681 00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:08,484 Psst. 682 00:38:08,578 --> 00:38:09,659 Psst! 683 00:38:20,673 --> 00:38:22,790 - You gonna miss me? - Nah. 684 00:38:22,884 --> 00:38:26,343 You just jealous 'cause I got a family and you don't. 685 00:38:27,847 --> 00:38:29,679 Family ain't got nothing to do with it. 686 00:38:30,308 --> 00:38:32,174 You think these people gonna like you? 687 00:38:33,728 --> 00:38:36,471 They sitting at home, having themselves a nice little life, 688 00:38:36,564 --> 00:38:40,057 and then some hood rat gonna move in and shit's gonna be like the Cosbys? 689 00:38:40,944 --> 00:38:42,901 Girl, you trippin'. 690 00:38:44,113 --> 00:38:45,399 Well... 691 00:38:46,908 --> 00:38:50,117 I hope one day you find your family, same as me. 692 00:39:02,423 --> 00:39:05,257 I told y'all! 693 00:39:10,473 --> 00:39:11,509 Don't mind them. 694 00:39:14,602 --> 00:39:16,434 Yo, where should I put this? In the back? 695 00:39:16,521 --> 00:39:17,853 Taystee... 696 00:39:19,399 --> 00:39:20,389 I'm so sorry. 697 00:39:23,027 --> 00:39:24,484 You... you can't come live with us. 698 00:39:27,407 --> 00:39:28,488 Wait... 699 00:39:29,409 --> 00:39:31,196 Why? Ms. Tendler said that you... 700 00:39:31,286 --> 00:39:32,697 I'm... 701 00:39:32,787 --> 00:39:35,245 I don't think she understood what I was trying to tell her. 702 00:39:35,331 --> 00:39:36,697 Why can't I come? 703 00:39:36,791 --> 00:39:38,453 It's just not a good time for us. 704 00:39:39,669 --> 00:39:40,910 Us. 705 00:39:42,463 --> 00:39:44,876 - Right. - Uh, look. 706 00:39:44,966 --> 00:39:46,548 I want you to take this. 707 00:39:47,510 --> 00:39:49,627 It's not much, but I want to help you. 708 00:39:51,306 --> 00:39:54,470 Did you tell them... about me? 709 00:39:58,563 --> 00:40:01,351 Guess this is you doin' right, huh? 710 00:40:01,441 --> 00:40:02,522 What's right for you! 711 00:40:04,861 --> 00:40:08,855 - Maybe I need to start doin' that, too. - Taystee, wait! 712 00:40:18,416 --> 00:40:20,032 All right. Now I have a question. 713 00:40:20,126 --> 00:40:23,460 How many of y'all took the stands at your all's trials? Raise your hand. 714 00:40:26,341 --> 00:40:29,129 Wow! Ain't that some bull? Well, neither did I. 715 00:40:29,218 --> 00:40:32,086 'Cause my lawyer told me that I was a detriment to myself. 716 00:40:32,180 --> 00:40:34,297 Now, at the time, I didn't take offense, 717 00:40:34,390 --> 00:40:37,007 because I was rather high most of the time. 718 00:40:37,101 --> 00:40:39,388 And you know my brain wires weren't firing correctly, 719 00:40:39,479 --> 00:40:40,720 if you know what I mean. 720 00:40:41,814 --> 00:40:45,182 But today, I'm standing here, right, and I'm looking around at all of y'all. 721 00:40:45,276 --> 00:40:47,939 And I'm thinking... we can do better. 722 00:40:48,029 --> 00:40:50,567 No, fuck that. We have to do better than this. 723 00:40:50,657 --> 00:40:53,115 But you know what? It really needs to be fair. 724 00:40:53,201 --> 00:40:56,285 Without all the goobly-goop of lawyers and judges and the system and stuff. 725 00:40:56,371 --> 00:40:58,488 - Hmm. - Right? 726 00:40:58,581 --> 00:40:59,867 So, listen... 727 00:41:00,959 --> 00:41:02,245 I helped Donuts escape. 728 00:41:02,335 --> 00:41:03,792 What? Oh, Jesus! 729 00:41:03,878 --> 00:41:05,460 Oh, please. 730 00:41:05,546 --> 00:41:07,208 I strongly suggest you shut the fuck up, girl. 731 00:41:07,298 --> 00:41:09,836 No. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. 732 00:41:09,926 --> 00:41:13,010 Listen, my friend here, she's worried that I'm gonna say too much. 733 00:41:13,096 --> 00:41:14,803 But all I can say is the truth. 734 00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:16,509 And the truth is 735 00:41:16,599 --> 00:41:18,431 - I helped the guard escape. - Oh, fuck. 736 00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:22,803 And, yeah, we had a relationship that was difficult to define. 737 00:41:22,897 --> 00:41:24,559 It was even confusing at times. 738 00:41:24,649 --> 00:41:26,515 But... let me ask y'all. 739 00:41:26,609 --> 00:41:28,020 What would y'all have done if you would've found him? 740 00:41:28,111 --> 00:41:30,194 - Cut off his balls. - Murdered him. 741 00:41:30,279 --> 00:41:31,895 Poo! Poo! 742 00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:34,198 Realistically, we would have roughed him up a little, you know. 743 00:41:34,283 --> 00:41:35,569 Just poked some shit up his ass, 744 00:41:35,660 --> 00:41:37,947 and then we would've stuck him in the bubble with the rest of them. 745 00:41:38,037 --> 00:41:40,871 What's the point? And then what? 746 00:41:40,957 --> 00:41:43,324 So you'd have another hostage. Whee! 747 00:41:44,043 --> 00:41:46,330 And then, another strike on your record. 748 00:41:46,421 --> 00:41:47,537 You know what you'd be doing, actually? 749 00:41:47,630 --> 00:41:49,121 You'd be staring down the barrel of forever 750 00:41:49,215 --> 00:41:50,797 is what you'd be doing up in here. 751 00:41:50,883 --> 00:41:52,465 This is bullshit! 752 00:41:52,552 --> 00:41:55,386 She's not thinking about us. She was protecting her boyfriend. 753 00:41:55,471 --> 00:41:56,928 No, it's not true. Come on. Hey! 754 00:41:57,015 --> 00:42:00,349 Listen, all I can do is stand up here and tell you how I feel, all right? 755 00:42:00,435 --> 00:42:03,269 I'm a person. I'm talking to people. 756 00:42:03,354 --> 00:42:04,470 Okay? 757 00:42:04,564 --> 00:42:06,726 I'm just gonna leave you all to it. How about that? 758 00:42:06,816 --> 00:42:07,806 And if y'all think that I deserve 759 00:42:07,900 --> 00:42:10,142 to be thrown up in the poo-poo or whatever, then fine. 760 00:42:10,236 --> 00:42:12,319 That makes you no better than them. 761 00:42:12,405 --> 00:42:14,397 You know, that's really sad, because they suck. 762 00:42:15,366 --> 00:42:18,780 We had the chance to rule hard up in here. Y'all don't wanna rule? 763 00:42:51,069 --> 00:42:53,061 Hey. Uh... 764 00:42:53,154 --> 00:42:55,237 - I thought I'd tell you something. - Uh-huh. 765 00:42:57,158 --> 00:42:58,945 Ah! Let me guess. 766 00:43:00,161 --> 00:43:05,077 Uh, you regret that your clit was vibrating on my tongue 45 minutes ago, 767 00:43:05,166 --> 00:43:06,782 we can never do this again. 768 00:43:06,876 --> 00:43:08,538 Uh, you made a vow, 769 00:43:08,628 --> 00:43:10,961 you need to commit to Vinnie, something like that? 770 00:43:11,047 --> 00:43:12,834 Right? I mean, I get it. 771 00:43:13,925 --> 00:43:15,257 I memorized it. 772 00:43:16,636 --> 00:43:18,218 You can save it. 773 00:43:18,304 --> 00:43:19,636 No. 774 00:43:21,641 --> 00:43:22,973 I'm pregnant. 775 00:43:25,228 --> 00:43:29,268 That is a twist I was not expecting. 776 00:43:30,483 --> 00:43:32,566 I realized it when... when we was... 777 00:43:32,652 --> 00:43:34,769 I was looking down at you, and then I saw, 778 00:43:34,862 --> 00:43:37,275 "Oh! Oh, my nipples are, like, 779 00:43:37,365 --> 00:43:40,358 two, three shades darker than they normally are." 780 00:43:41,202 --> 00:43:43,535 And, that's, like, a thing for the Morello women 781 00:43:43,621 --> 00:43:45,203 when we've got the bun in the oven. 782 00:43:49,794 --> 00:43:51,126 That's great. Uh... 783 00:43:52,046 --> 00:43:55,790 - Did you take a pregnancy test? - Nope. No. 784 00:43:55,883 --> 00:43:58,626 No, I don't need a test. I... I know. 785 00:43:59,720 --> 00:44:01,962 And that is why I've been so horny. 786 00:44:02,056 --> 00:44:03,342 Ah! 787 00:44:05,893 --> 00:44:07,725 Oh, fuck! 788 00:44:07,812 --> 00:44:10,805 Why are you laughing? No. No, no, no. I'm... I'm... 789 00:44:10,898 --> 00:44:13,436 This is not funny. I'm serious. 790 00:44:13,526 --> 00:44:16,314 Oh, yes. I know you're serious. I know, baby. 791 00:44:16,404 --> 00:44:19,988 And that is the problem. Because you are also bat-shit crazy. 792 00:44:30,877 --> 00:44:33,494 I didn't mean to lead you on, honey. 793 00:44:33,588 --> 00:44:35,045 It's the hormones. 794 00:44:35,131 --> 00:44:37,748 The hormones, they made me do it with you. 795 00:44:41,762 --> 00:44:44,505 I love you so much, Lorna. 796 00:44:46,100 --> 00:44:47,386 But, you know... 797 00:44:48,978 --> 00:44:52,688 you can't just, like, uh, keep doing whatever the fuck you want 798 00:44:52,773 --> 00:44:54,605 and then thinking it's gonna be okay. 799 00:44:56,110 --> 00:44:58,523 And the days of this, uh... 800 00:44:58,613 --> 00:45:01,856 crazy being quirky and cute... 801 00:45:01,949 --> 00:45:04,532 it's past. It's sad, you know? 802 00:45:04,619 --> 00:45:06,861 I mean, you need help, and I can't help you, 803 00:45:06,954 --> 00:45:08,286 'cause I need to help myself. 804 00:45:08,372 --> 00:45:11,581 Or maybe, uh, what if you go see the prison therapist, right? 805 00:45:11,667 --> 00:45:13,158 See what she has to say about it. 806 00:45:13,252 --> 00:45:15,084 I'm pretty sure she's gonna tell me... 807 00:45:15,171 --> 00:45:18,005 She's gonna call me a dumbass 808 00:45:18,090 --> 00:45:20,127 sucker crazy person for letting myself do this again. 809 00:45:20,218 --> 00:45:21,834 And then tell me 810 00:45:21,928 --> 00:45:26,514 to never, ever, ever do this again, right? 811 00:45:26,599 --> 00:45:29,842 And this time, I'm gonna listen to her... 812 00:45:29,936 --> 00:45:32,223 'cause she's the expert, right? 813 00:45:38,319 --> 00:45:40,402 It's too late. 814 00:45:40,488 --> 00:45:42,229 I drank, like, eight bottles, okay. 815 00:45:42,323 --> 00:45:45,487 I'm sorry for being such a fuckup. 816 00:45:45,576 --> 00:45:47,738 I love you guys so much. 817 00:45:50,164 --> 00:45:51,780 Dye is nontoxic. 818 00:45:52,500 --> 00:45:53,581 What? 819 00:45:53,668 --> 00:45:56,456 I mean, you'll probably have bad squirts for a couple days. 820 00:45:56,545 --> 00:45:59,913 And I have some of those wet nappies in the bathroom, if you need them. 821 00:46:00,007 --> 00:46:01,498 Oh, man. 822 00:46:02,510 --> 00:46:04,126 I can't even kill myself right. 823 00:46:04,220 --> 00:46:07,429 Honey, your dad and me... 824 00:46:07,515 --> 00:46:09,632 we think you need some real help. 825 00:46:10,601 --> 00:46:12,684 You think so? 826 00:46:12,770 --> 00:46:15,683 Yeah! I do. Of course I fucking do! 827 00:46:15,773 --> 00:46:18,732 All right, I got myself arrested. 828 00:46:18,818 --> 00:46:21,561 I have been begging to die. 829 00:46:22,238 --> 00:46:24,104 And all you guys want to say is, 830 00:46:24,198 --> 00:46:26,941 "Things will be fine," and, "Life's complicated." 831 00:46:27,034 --> 00:46:28,616 Finally! 832 00:46:28,703 --> 00:46:31,161 Make sure they lock me up somewhere for a very long time. 833 00:46:31,247 --> 00:46:32,533 Please! 834 00:46:47,013 --> 00:46:48,345 This is the spot? 835 00:46:48,431 --> 00:46:50,138 What the hell is going on here? 836 00:46:50,224 --> 00:46:51,385 Beats us. 837 00:46:56,188 --> 00:46:59,681 Well, don't dawdle out there. Come in, come in. 838 00:47:18,586 --> 00:47:20,748 You did this all yourself? 839 00:47:20,838 --> 00:47:22,579 Sure did. 840 00:47:22,673 --> 00:47:25,165 Wow. So you're like one of those mole people 841 00:47:25,259 --> 00:47:27,922 that they do special news reports and horror movies about? 842 00:47:28,888 --> 00:47:30,720 Yeah, we prefer "survivalist." 843 00:47:30,806 --> 00:47:32,138 Don't insult the woman. 844 00:47:33,100 --> 00:47:35,308 This is, uh, really great, Frieda. 845 00:47:35,394 --> 00:47:37,351 Thanks for showing us. 846 00:47:37,438 --> 00:47:39,930 But I probably should be getting back upstairs and, uh... 847 00:47:40,024 --> 00:47:41,981 No. We're gonna stay here. 848 00:47:42,068 --> 00:47:43,229 All of us. 849 00:47:43,819 --> 00:47:45,981 I guess this is how it ends. 850 00:47:46,072 --> 00:47:49,816 Well, this is your chance to retire from all that nonsense out there. 851 00:47:49,909 --> 00:47:52,902 Ain't you tired of dealing with numbskulls? 852 00:47:52,995 --> 00:47:55,203 Fighting for food? 853 00:47:55,289 --> 00:48:00,250 Trying to find a minute of quiet without someone squawking in your ear? 854 00:48:01,128 --> 00:48:03,745 Don't you feel taken for granted? 855 00:48:06,300 --> 00:48:09,293 I got enough supplies down here for all of us. 856 00:48:10,346 --> 00:48:13,305 It's, maybe, a little cramped? 857 00:48:14,141 --> 00:48:15,723 Huh. 858 00:48:15,810 --> 00:48:17,267 "Thank you, Frieda." 859 00:48:17,353 --> 00:48:20,767 "Gee, this is awful nice of you, Frieda." 860 00:48:29,615 --> 00:48:31,948 Come on. You don't need to be scared. 861 00:48:32,034 --> 00:48:33,570 I bet that's what they tell the cows 862 00:48:33,661 --> 00:48:35,653 right before they send them down the chute. 863 00:48:52,555 --> 00:48:53,796 This could work. 864 00:48:58,060 --> 00:49:00,803 This is amazing, Frieda! 865 00:49:02,106 --> 00:49:03,688 I got dibs on shuffleboard. 866 00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:05,686 Does this thing have Frogger? 867 00:49:10,364 --> 00:49:12,356 Watch out for the cords there. 868 00:49:20,583 --> 00:49:21,949 What the hell were you thinking? 869 00:49:22,042 --> 00:49:23,704 Aren't you tired of asking me that question? 870 00:49:23,794 --> 00:49:25,831 'Cause I sure as shit am tired of answering it. 871 00:49:25,921 --> 00:49:27,583 Yeah. Well, they're gonna crucify you. 872 00:49:27,673 --> 00:49:30,916 - So? It'll only take a few hours. - What? 873 00:49:32,052 --> 00:49:35,545 What? This... this is all gonna be over soon. 874 00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:37,255 Okay, let 'em throw me in the Poo. 875 00:49:37,349 --> 00:49:39,306 It's all gonna go back to the way it was, anyhow. 876 00:49:39,393 --> 00:49:40,600 None of this is for long. 877 00:49:42,855 --> 00:49:44,642 You know, you really freak me out when you're smart. 878 00:49:44,732 --> 00:49:46,314 Yeah, well, you and me, both, okay? 879 00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:50,144 I just thank Jesus that my brain wires are connecting today. 880 00:49:54,074 --> 00:49:55,736 Oh. 881 00:49:55,826 --> 00:49:56,907 We have our verdict. 882 00:50:04,668 --> 00:50:06,625 We discussed your case... 883 00:50:06,712 --> 00:50:09,750 came up with something that's almost unanimous. 884 00:50:11,217 --> 00:50:13,675 So, Tiffany Doggett... 885 00:50:14,637 --> 00:50:17,345 for crimes against our community, we assign you... 886 00:50:18,265 --> 00:50:20,348 - community service. - Yes. 887 00:50:20,434 --> 00:50:23,848 Next step is we'll sit down, talk about your skills, 888 00:50:23,938 --> 00:50:26,806 and figure out how you can best contribute to your community. 889 00:50:28,234 --> 00:50:30,942 We'll just be people, talking. 890 00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:33,398 - Like you said. - Bullshit. 891 00:50:33,489 --> 00:50:37,733 We don't all agree, but so long as we're all in here doing this thing, 892 00:50:37,826 --> 00:50:42,446 we think that our justice system should focus on rehabilitation. Yeah? 893 00:50:42,540 --> 00:50:45,032 One crime should not define a person. 894 00:50:45,125 --> 00:50:47,037 Thank you. Yeah. I'm gonna make you guys so proud. 895 00:50:47,127 --> 00:50:48,208 You'll see. 896 00:50:49,505 --> 00:50:51,462 Poo! Poo! Poo! 897 00:50:51,549 --> 00:50:53,165 Does she have a reset button? 898 00:50:57,721 --> 00:50:59,633 It's like watching the most predictable movie. 899 00:51:00,766 --> 00:51:02,849 At least I'm doing something. 900 00:51:02,935 --> 00:51:05,643 Plus, I'm probably gonna get pretty toned in the process. 901 00:51:06,814 --> 00:51:09,807 Goodbye, honey! Have a good day at work! You're a ridiculous human! 902 00:51:09,900 --> 00:51:12,643 Man, these bitches are fucking us over so hard. 903 00:51:12,736 --> 00:51:15,979 I know, right? What am I gonna do when I have a snack attack or my period? 904 00:51:16,073 --> 00:51:19,908 I can respect the moral code, but being that blindly committed... 905 00:51:20,995 --> 00:51:22,531 that's when shit gets dangerous. 906 00:51:24,248 --> 00:51:25,910 Okay, 10 minutes. 907 00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:27,457 India was my favorite section 908 00:51:27,543 --> 00:51:29,705 because it kind of reminded me of being in here, you know, 909 00:51:29,795 --> 00:51:31,377 being forced to deprive yourself and stuff. 910 00:51:31,463 --> 00:51:34,046 Yeah. No, it was like Weight Watchers, 911 00:51:34,133 --> 00:51:36,295 but with, like, more cows and less point counting. 912 00:51:36,385 --> 00:51:39,128 Prison's like free Weight Watchers. I've lost, like, at least five pounds. 913 00:51:39,221 --> 00:51:41,759 Like I haven't noticed. Those khakis are falling off of you. 914 00:51:41,849 --> 00:51:42,839 Thank you. 915 00:51:42,933 --> 00:51:45,767 - But now I'm hungry. - Oh, my God, I'm starving. 916 00:51:45,853 --> 00:51:48,266 - Commissary ice cream? - Fuck to the yes. 917 00:51:48,355 --> 00:51:50,347 Be all notified of gate time. 918 00:51:51,692 --> 00:51:55,652 "Amanda, I will not stop until my ass is so small 919 00:51:55,738 --> 00:51:57,274 it disappears entirely. 920 00:51:57,364 --> 00:52:00,732 You heard about this new diet where you eat cookies and ice cream, 921 00:52:00,826 --> 00:52:02,283 and you still lose weight? 922 00:52:02,369 --> 00:52:04,156 Ooh! It's called bulimia." 923 00:52:04,246 --> 00:52:05,737 "And, oh! 924 00:52:05,831 --> 00:52:08,118 I love it so much. It's a miracle." 925 00:52:09,877 --> 00:52:13,291 "Oh, Mackenzie, I have always been jealous of your willpower. 926 00:52:13,380 --> 00:52:15,087 I'm like a house ever since Mark 927 00:52:15,174 --> 00:52:18,417 invested in that new modern American bistro up the street. 928 00:52:18,510 --> 00:52:21,218 You would die for their artisanal sodas. 929 00:52:21,305 --> 00:52:25,299 Peach, lavender, rose petal. Yes, please!" 930 00:52:26,352 --> 00:52:28,014 'Sup, Amanda? 931 00:52:28,103 --> 00:52:29,435 Mackenzie. 932 00:52:29,521 --> 00:52:32,309 - When'd you get in? - Yesterday. 933 00:52:32,399 --> 00:52:35,938 Well, you've got good taste in books, so you're all right with me. 934 00:52:38,197 --> 00:52:40,405 - Taystee. - Poussey. 935 00:52:40,491 --> 00:52:44,326 Your mama did not name you Pussy. 936 00:52:44,411 --> 00:52:46,198 Yo. For real? 937 00:52:46,288 --> 00:52:49,702 I mean, you all new and talking shit with a name like Taystee? 938 00:52:49,792 --> 00:52:52,830 That's fair. My bad. 939 00:52:53,545 --> 00:52:55,878 Look, you let me know if you need anything in here, okay? 940 00:52:55,964 --> 00:52:59,253 Okay. I will. Thanks. 941 00:52:59,343 --> 00:53:02,131 And, um, you can take Alice for now. 942 00:53:02,221 --> 00:53:04,463 'Cause she's good at keepin' folks company. 943 00:53:04,556 --> 00:53:05,637 She's my favorite. 944 00:53:05,724 --> 00:53:07,215 So I'm gonna need that shit back eventually. 945 00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:09,596 Deal. 946 00:53:11,188 --> 00:53:12,429 Yeah. 947 00:53:14,358 --> 00:53:16,270 Welcome to prison. 948 00:53:19,113 --> 00:53:20,445 Right, hold on. They're coming back. 949 00:53:20,531 --> 00:53:22,443 - Get this on tape, huh! - Y'all wanna bribe? 950 00:53:22,533 --> 00:53:24,274 Get this on tape! 951 00:53:24,368 --> 00:53:25,859 Anybody want some chips? 952 00:53:27,830 --> 00:53:29,617 I think that's all of 'em. 953 00:53:29,707 --> 00:53:31,243 Only minus the snacks in bellies. 954 00:53:31,333 --> 00:53:32,869 And tampons in vaginas. 955 00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:34,872 Okay. We're good to go. 956 00:53:34,962 --> 00:53:36,419 Yo, what the hell! 957 00:53:37,631 --> 00:53:38,963 We burning the bribe. 958 00:53:39,049 --> 00:53:41,962 Oh, fuck, yeah. Yo, that's what I'm talking about, T. 959 00:53:42,845 --> 00:53:43,881 Uh-huh. 960 00:53:45,889 --> 00:53:47,096 Call her. 961 00:53:49,518 --> 00:53:52,477 Hi, Nita. Welcome to the party. 962 00:53:53,814 --> 00:53:55,100 What are you doing? 963 00:53:55,190 --> 00:53:56,931 Flaming Cheetos, y'all! 964 00:53:57,025 --> 00:53:59,062 Hey, T, tell this woman what we want. 965 00:53:59,153 --> 00:54:01,736 We want to be motherfuckin' taken serious! 966 00:54:01,822 --> 00:54:03,108 - Hell, yeah! - That's right! 967 00:54:03,198 --> 00:54:04,734 Bye, Nita! 968 00:54:04,825 --> 00:54:06,441 Bye, girl! Bye! 969 00:54:07,369 --> 00:54:08,951 All right. Back up. Back up! 970 00:54:09,037 --> 00:54:11,495 Whoa! Shit! 971 00:54:12,124 --> 00:54:13,990 Burn, bitch, burn! 972 00:54:14,084 --> 00:54:16,292 Fuck you, Piscatella! Yeah! 973 00:54:16,378 --> 00:54:17,914 What you got to say now?