Sync & edits by Alice www.addic7ed.com
Being a gigolo isn't always easy.
I'm very proud to be called a gigolo.
There's nobody out there more competitive than me.
[laughing]
I try to break a sweat six days a week.
Well, the Brace philosophy
is to really be good to people.
I've had so many women in my life, it's just a blur.
[imitating rooster crowing]
I really love women--
learning about them, learning what makes them tick.
Holy crap!
I consider myself a real feminist.
[moans]
Being in this business,
you have to be a very caring, giving person.
- And I believe in what I'm doing. [Woman] Awesome.
I was brought up in the Bible Belt,
and I enlisted in the Marine Corps. [moaning]
I see life as a gift. You go balls out and just do it full force.
It's Vegas, baby. Come on!
[Gigolos exclaiming]
[laughing]
[screeching] [yells]
There you go. Whoo-hoo!
Perfect.
♪ [rock]
Whoo!
Lindy, just look right here at my finger.
Follow it left. Follow it right.
And when it touches you, you're gonna go fast and deep asleep.
Ready? And down. Deep asleep.
[Vin] I firmly believe in hypnosis.
I've gotten into states where it works.
So, I know that when you're in altered states,
that you can certainly have suggestion enter into your brain.
I mean, advertising does it all the time.
As long as your date's relaxed ahead of time,
then this will be a really great one for all of you guys.
Any kind of job you have, including gigolo work,
you've got to have continued education to learn the newest ideas
and techniques and proven theories and facts.
I'm gonna shake your hand, and upon shaking your hand,
you are gonna have one of the most earth-shattering orgasms
you have ever had in your entire life.
Here. Give me your hand.
And I want you just to feel that. [breathing heavily]
Feel it really, really good. [moans]
Yes. Keep going. Keep going.
I wanna see you come. [moaning]
You're gonna come.
And you're gonna come right now.
Go. Come, come, come. [moaning continues]
Oh, fantastic. And it's all gone away.
[moaning stops] That's nice.
Okay, this orgasm technique--
this is probably one of the greatest things
I've seen all year. [chuckling]
Wow. [clapping]
I got-- I got half a chub.
So, you see how that might help you guys?
No. Wait a second. Does she know what she's doing?
Is it real or just bullshit like everything else in life?
[Vin laughing]
Everybody's everybody. What is it?
- I mean, it's just a big fucking show. - Calm down. Calm down.
- Damn, what just happened? [Hypnotist] Take the drama away.
Before he rudely interrupted me--
I didn't rudely-- I can do whatever I want in my house.
- If you wanna learn these things-- - Shh. Listen.
...you pretty much have to listen. And I will listen.
What time is it? He's already drunk?
I can't fucking hear ya because you talk like... [whiny muttering]
You're so rude, Brace.
What about somebody who is struggling
to get through this hurtful, painful relationship,
and they just feel that the-- the world is coming to an end?
You know, Brace has a really weird vibe lately.
I-- I don't know what's going on with him.
Brace, you're being very rude.
I'll let it pass 'cause you're my elder. [laughing]
But... [laughing]
[Brace] You bastards.
[Vin continues laughing]
♪
[knocking on door]
- Hi. - Hi. Heather?
Yes.
- Would you like to come in? - Sure.
My name is Heather. I'm fun loving,
vivacious, sexy.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
I enjoy life. I like to have a good time.
Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?
Actually, I'm retired.
- Retired. - Mm-hmm.
I'm married. I have two kids.
Married as well.
- Mm-hmm. - Okay.
Yes. My husband's not with me on this trip,
but he has given me a hall pass.
Got a hall pass. Okay. Good.
I'm not a cheater. I wouldn't cheat on my husband.
Well, that's cool. Why do you get a hall pass?
- Does he get one as well? - No.
Unfortunately, he was in an automobile accident about 15 years ago.
- No shit? - He got hit by a 19-year-old drunk driver.
- So, he had some spinal injuries, - Wow.
and he couldn't have sex at all, and lost complete total desire.
Sex was a big part of our marriage
before my husband's accident.
We had a great sex life. We enjoyed it.
We missed it. Even now we miss it.
It's gotta be really hard on him, too, that, uh--
- Oh, it is... - he's not able to be aroused anymore, too,
- if he was real sexual as well. - It is.
About ten years ago, we finally had the little chat.
He says, "Heather, I love and adore you.
I know you're not happy, and I know you miss it."
So, he said that he couldn't do it for me anymore,
so he wanted me to find someone, or others, that could.
That's sad, and I'm sorry to hear that.
- But that's really good that... - Thank you.
I know it, but, you know, sometimes you just gotta play the hand you're dealt.
He just doesn't want to know any of the details.
He doesn't want to know the details.
That's the way I am when I have, uh, open relationships.
- I-- I don't wanna know the details either. - Mm-hmm.
Some husbands do wanna know all the details,
and I find that a little strange.
You know, I don't ever plan on leaving him.
Good, bad, or indifferent, you know?
We've been together 28 years.
He's my soul mate. [laughing]
Good, to this day. That's a hustle.
I've never been with a younger man,
so I thought I'd give the cougar thing a try.
Let's go upstairs.
I've always had a weakness for bad boys.
[laughing]
I'm feeling a bit nervous.
Oh, my.
I want him to see me as still sexy
and not some old lady. [laughing]
The good thing about older women is there ain't no fucking around.
They know what they want, and they're gonna get it.
[giggling]
Oh, shit. Oh...
I've been with men that, uh, have had erectile problems.
You know, the older men, they do.
So it was nice to be with Nick this time
and not have to worry about that.
[moaning]
Oh, God! Yes!
[moaning continues]
[breathing heavily]
I orgasmed three or four different times. It was great.
All right. Well, I hope you can go back to your happy life with your husband.
Thank you.
A girl can never have too many orgasms.
[laughing] You're good for a few days?
I think I did all right then. [chuckling]
How you feeling, buddy?
Oh, I'm feeling kind of shitty these days. Yeah?
Yeah. I've got a psychological dilemma
that I've been dealing with, and, uh...
I gotta get down to it.
[Ash] Down to what? No, I just, uh...
I was just gonna tell you guys something that I was, you know, I gotta do,
and I've been contemplating it for a while.
And, uh, it's just-- You know, it's kind of sad to me.
[Ash] You gonna fly to the moon or something? - No.
I-I'm, uh-- I'm just getting out of the-- the business here.
I'm, like, retiring.
I just gotta do it.
- For reals? - Yeah.
What do you mean, like done done?
Yeah. I can't do it anymore.
What do you mean, you can't do it anymore? I just--
Of course you can. I just don't wanna do it.
A lot of people might say that this is, you know...
"Your gig gig is the greatest job in the world.
Oh, my God. Everybody would love it."
Well, you know, everything that glitters is not gold.
It's a huge sacrifice, and your mind is always going back and forth.
It's tugging at you. And there are some women
that I start to develop these deep feelings for,
and I know that they develop deep feelings for me.
You're wondering, you know, what am I giving up?
You'll see.
The fucking relationships and the chicks that
you do really start to like or even fall in love with.
And then, next thing you know, they're-- you know, you gotta leave them.
And one after another forever.
And you can't tell me psychologically that doesn't fuck you up?
[Bradley] Of course it does. We've all been there, man. I agree.
What do you want to do? The only reason why you'd ever get out of this
is to potentially settle down with one person.
No, it's time. I gotta-- I'm just moving on.
[Vin] You know, I'll stay a gigolo as long as clients will book me.
So, Brace saying that he's retiring,
and he just-- he can't take it anymore--
I mean, it's pretty crazy.
I just-- You know, I'm fucking older than you guys.
And you just go through these stages. And it's just weird,
'cause I just feel like we're not gonna have these get-togethers anymore.
[Vin] Of course we're gonna have these get-togethers. That shit ain't gonna change.
- What are you talking about? - Yeah, I mean...
- It won't be the same. - [Vin] But you know what?
If you really are feeling like you want to retire--
it's hard for me to even say that--
it's not gonna change anything with my relationship with you, dude.
Like, we'll-- we'll still hang.
Oh, we gotta do some type of party or something then. You know, go out with a bang.
- Shindig. - I hate parties like that, though.
That's what makes it weird, though. You're gonna be right there in the middle of it.
What we're gonna do-- we're gonna throw you a party,
and we're gonna drop you off at a retirement home.
[laughter]
♪ [rock]
Hey, gorgeous.
- Hello. How are you? - Good, sexy.
- Come on in. - Thank you.
My name is Britney. I'm 23.
I live in Atlanta, and I'm a feature dancer.
[Ash] Whoa. This is funky in here.
I've never seen a leopard-skin pool table. Yeah.
Well, I just came in from out of town,
and my friend lets me stay here.
- That's cool. - Yeah. This is, like, his party house.
- So, where do you live? - Um, I actually live in Atlanta.
- Very cool. - Yeah. So, I dance.
- Like-- - Dance? Like, stripper?
- Yes, I do. - Okay. Sexy.
Being a feature dancer, I am featured
in different clubs around the country,
and they promote me for that week or weekend.
So, when you're traveling a lot, do you find it hard to have a relationship?
- I do. It's just, not so much a relationship. - Yeah.
It's just, somebody I can just connect with and have fun.
- Just have a good time. - 'Course.
Yeah. I'm just so busy to have a relationship
- with somebody. - I feel you.
It's hard to keep a relationship
with all the traveling that I do
'cause I'm not in the same city or state longer than a week.
So, when I need companionship, I call Cowboys 4 Angels
when I'm in Miami or when I'm in Chicago.
Somebody just to hang out with and just have a good time.
- We'll let you go first. - Let's do this.
[clears throat]
Rewind.
What's wrong? I think-- I think there's something wrong with the stick.
[laughing] How about ladies-- How about ladies first?
[laughing] Ladies first. That's funny.
The thing about being a gigolo is, like,
you're really expected to be great at everything.
[balls clacking] I think the last time I played pool...
I can't even remember. [laughing]
I-- I think it's an awesome game.
[laughs]
But that can be a problem sometimes.
So, I'm stripes.
And...
[ball thuds on floor]
[both chuckle]
I might not be good at pool, but I'm good at other things.
You got good abs.
[giggles]
Mm.
If you're a male stripper, female stripper,
male escort, female escort,
it's really hard to keep a relationship
because you have to share your-- the one you love.
And that's really difficult for everybody.
It's a very primal thing where whoever you're with,
you're really each other's everything.
And it's also an attention thing.
If you distribute your attention to everybody,
or do too many things,
you can't give as much attention and focus
and be successful at a relationship or a job or whatever it is.
[moaning]
[moaning continues]
There's a lot of pros about this job,
but there is a lot of difficulties.
And now that Brace is retiring,
I think at this point I do wanna put a time limit
to how long I'm gonna do this
because at the end of the day,
I really wanna be with somebody,
somebody I really love.
Ohh!
♪ [pop]
[Vin] For the roast, I think you go first.
- Then I'll go. Then Ash. - Yeah. Sounds good.
So, with Brace's retirement, I mean, we have to do something.
And we've thrown around a few ideas.
But we can't just let Brace retire without giving him shit,
so we're gonna do a roast. [knocking on door]
Hey, Bob. Hey, Vin.
What-- I mean, I know I left it unlocked, but come on.
- How are you, brother? - And I saw the bars on the windows,
- so that's a good sign. - Hi.
Now-- This is Shayma,
- and this is Courtney. - Hi.
- Courtney, hi. - Nice to meet you.
So, I've reached out to some comedians
who can help us with this roast.
And thankfully, Bob Zany,
who is a local, great comedian, has agreed to help us out.
Not only to be the roast master,
but he's actually gonna help us work on some jokes.
We have all had experiences in roasts.
- I've roasted from James Cameron to Drew Carey. - Nice.
The late Ed McMahon was an old friend of mine. A really great guy.
It's a fun thing to do. And most people who come to a roast
know it's gonna get a little mean.
I always say good comedy hurts.
[laughing] Yeah.
So, guys, I think what's gonna help us out
is give us some inside information on Brace
that, you know, will help us with the jokes.
Absolutely. Okay. So, Brace-- Okay. Brace. He looks like an orange.
An orange? I like that. He looks like an orange.
What does he fear?
Not getting pussy? [snickering]
- Pretty much, yeah. - Okay.
I would think in your line of work, that's kind of important.
And he lo-- And he loves--
And the younger the woman, the better.
So you can get into all kinds of, like, he's trolling kindergartens...
You're giving us so much good stuff just with that. Like, that's his whole-- Yeah.
When he says, "Who's your daddy," he's saying it
'cause he really wants to make sure that you're not his kid.
- Okay. - He's--
He's basically more like, "Who's your grandpa?"
I think... [chuckles]
I think I'm funny one to one.
I'm a spon-- I have spontaneous humor.
I'm not a comedian, and I can't really
stand up there and entertain a whole crowd.
So, there's a lot of pressure.
So, guys, I-I hope I'm not, like,
bringing something up that I shouldn't, but someone's missing.
- Where's Nick? - Well, he said that he doesn't need help, so...
- Are-- Are you serious? - W-Why--
- Why come to professionals for comedy? - Wow.
'Cause I know I could be a gigolo.
- Yeah. - You could.
- Why not? - Oh, really?
Okay, wait a second. [laughter]
♪ [rock]
- Hello. - Hi.
- Bradley? - Bradley, yes.
- I'm Noel. - Nice to meet you, Noel.
- How are you? - Nice to meet you too.
I would describe myself as pretty confident,
outgoing, and an adrenaline-rush junkie.
You ready to lose to a girl in a dress? [laughing]
A win-win for me, so I can say-- If you really do beat me,
- then I can say, "I just let her." - Oh, no. No.
I know you're a Southern gentleman and all, and I'm from the South myself.
At the end of it, I'm gonna say, "Bless your heart."
Oh, right. [laughing]
I specifically picked Bradley
because I could tell that Bradley still has those Southern charms
and respect for women.
- You raced before or something? - I rode dirt bikes for a little bit.
That's how I got these gnarly scars.
- I went off a jump, and the breaks went out. - Uh-huh.
Okay. And so, to save myself, I had to slide the bike,
and I ended up sliding into a barbed-wire fence.
I think a scar shows that you've been out there and done things.
If you don't have any scars, then what have you really done?
- I've been bungee jumping. Oh, it's really fun. - Bungee jumping--
I did do a backwards dive off the platform too.
It's the most, like, intense thing.
I never done that, though. I've done some crazy stuff back in my day.
- But I never did skydiving-- Yeah. - Back in the day.
- Okay. - When I was younger.
You have to tell me that later.
Are you ready for this, though?
- I'm ready. - This looks fun. I'm ready.
Southern gentlemen and ladies,
- we are able to go dressed to the nines-- - All right, guys.
Here are your head socks...but the same time, we can go put on our boots,
and we can go get muddy and have fun.
It's something that people from the North don't necessarily understand.
- You ready, little one? You ready? - Ready to kick some booty.
Here we go now. Can't catch me.
[laughing]
Aahh! [laughing]
[squealing]
Can't catch me. [squealing continues]
- Come on. I'll wait for you. - Let's go. No!
As a gentleman, I slow down for her to catch up a little bit.
She just slams right into me.
No! [laughing] You just hit me.
I'm like, what the hell?
Oh, there you are. [muttering]
Ohh! Yeah.
[Noel laughs] That was awesome.
[laughing]
Thanks for letting me win. [laughing] [thud]
- Trying to kill me. - I'm sorry.
[laughing] I never claimed to be a good driver.
Every woman deserves to get her fantasies fulfilled.
You're such a Southern gentleman for letting me win. [laughing]
- You were a little far behind there for a bit. - A little bit?
- I was like, this is disastrous. - I stopped and waited on you.
- What happened? - Such big talk, and then... [laughing]
It doesn't matter if you can find it with your boyfriend,
or if you can find it with a complete stranger on the road.
I think whatever it takes, every woman needs to own her sexuality
and get what she wants.
I think with women from the South, we understand each other a little bit.
We come from a place that didn't have a whole lot of stuff going on.
So, the adventure's really fun to us,
to do something new and different.
[moans]
[moaning]
Oh, yeah. Oh, God.
[moaning]
It's got a little sense of back home to it.
It feels, uh-- Feels like I'm connecting with someone.
I'm going back to my roots a little bit.
You know, I probably sound a little more country when I get around 'em,
'cause they're sounding country too.
So, be like I'm back in--
back in the hills for a little while, I reckon.
[Noel] Sometimes people stereotype the South.
Like, you know, we're just stupid.
We're country bumpkins.
And it's-- it's not like that.
[moaning]
Oh, yeah. Right there.
[moaning]
That chivalrous behavior
that Southern guys have is gonna trickle down.
Oh, yeah!
[moaning]
Oh, yeah.
[chuckling]
Bless your heart. [laughs]
♪ [pop]
[audience cheering] [Bob] Thank you.
It's a very exciting night for everybody.
Thank you for being here tonight.
And I gotta be honest. We're not roasting Brace.
I wanna talk to you all about time-share.
Lock the doors, people! We're moving units.
Bob Zany really came through. I mean, George Wallace,
Mr. Vegas, is here roasting Brace.
And obviously all of our friends
and other guys from the agency are here.
Looks like there's some comedy fans.
Please welcome the one, the only, Mr. Brace Land, everybody! Yeah!
[cheering]
- Thank you. - Sit down, Brace. Relax.
- You got a long evening ahead of you. - That's what I'm thinking.
I feel, you know, blessed and grateful and honored
that all these guys think that much of me
where they'll go through the trouble
of arranging this roast for me. It's heartfelt.
People really love you.
I love them too.
Yeah, well, I was just bullshitting. [laughter]
Coming to the stage right now is another gigolo.
Vin is considered an everyman, which means he can be replaced.
[laughter] Please welcome the one, the only, Vin! Yeah!
[audience cheering]
So, Brace has been at this a long, long,
long, long time. [laughter]
He called me the other day and told me he was watching TV,
and they-- they showed a photo of one of his first clients, actually.
It was in a Civil War documentary.
[laughter]
I think roasts are great, but one of the keys to roasts
is that everybody up on the dais has to be a good sport.
You know, uh, Nick, every time I see you, you have a different tattoo.
You have a tattoo in Chinese on your thumb
that means moderation.
Look at you. That's like-- That's like Brace getting a tattoo that said "SPF 15."
[laughter, applause]
Whoo! Whoo!
Honestly, though-- Honestly,
Brace, I-- I just wanna say, from the beginning,
you've-- you've been a great friend.
You're one of the most genuine, caring, thoughtful guys that I know.
And, uh, congratulations on your retirement. All the best, man.
Yeah! [cheering]
This is a lot of fun, but it's really bittersweet.
You are a legend, and, uh, I think that's amazing,
in spite of the fact that you look like a Ken doll that was left outside
and melted in the sun. [laughter, applause]
[Man] Oh!
I cannot believe that they invited me to a jigaboo--
What is it? Jiga-what? [laughter]
Brace, you've got more clips than probably my last Marine battalion,
and you fucked more old ladies than Medicare, so it's great.
Let me just tell you, it's a pleasure being here with you
and your girlfriend. [laughter]
And the other guy that's sitting next to you--
the guy with the wig on backwards... [laughter]
Let's be honest, Vin. You've been stuck in more old dirty holes
than a Chilean coal miner.
[laughter] [Man] Ohh!
I have no idea who the hell all of you guys are.
Is it "Brace" or "Brice"? Brace.
That mean your ass is old. You got a brace on your penis?
[laughter] You're old, man.
You sure you didn't get laid off?
There's so many tools up here, it should be sponsored by Home Depot.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
[Shayma] Nick Hawk, your song "Sippin' and Trippin'" is a turd.
Seriously. I had to sit through that piece of shit for research,
and I'm suing for damages. [no audible dialogue]
I wish you the best in your retirement, and I hope you get laid again.
[Ash] Actually, Brace, you-- you are a fossil,
but you are a beautiful fossil, and I-- and I've-- and I've learned a lot from you.
Good luck with your retirement.
I will miss you, but most of all, your cuddles.
[audience] Aww! - And that's for real.
[laughter]
[applause] Thanks, guys. Thank you.
[Bob] Please welcome a gentleman who looks like Criss Angel on chemo,
everybody, Nick Hawk!
[Brace] Be kind.
Just to be clear, besides this being something special to me,
I'm not one to use another writer's material.
I pride myself on being creative,
and I know these guys much more than the comics do.
Brace, people come up to me all the time and ask him, is--
is he really like that in real life?
And I have to say, "Yeah, he's-- he's fucking stupid.
It's-- It's not an act."
Uh, Brace is so old, slow, and blind,
he can't chase tail like he used to,
so he actually-- he gets 'em before the-- the hair does.
[Nick chuckles]
Um...
That was one of my favorites. You guys get that?
You know, when you're young, you don't have hair? No?
And I-I was gonna fuck you for free
until you made that rapper joke, by the way.
There's a minute that I'm gonna miss.
[Men] Ohh!
Fuck the comics and cheap fucking jokes.
If I did it all over, I'd do it the same fucking way.
Brace, you're one of a kind.
Uh, it's a better world with you in it.
And I love you. Thanks, Brace.
Yeah! Come here.
Aw, you're sweet, Nick.
[Bob] Brace Land.
Brace Land! [cheering, applause]
Thank you.
Don't worry. I'd never say anything bad about my friends,
and it's a damn good thing none of 'em are here tonight.
You know what I'm saying? [laughter]
You know, it's been a good ride for me. It's been a good ride.
All these guys that I've worked with are like brothers.
And, uh, I just appreciate everything,
and I'm very grateful for all of the people, and just the opportunities.
There's no doubt that leaving this group--
it is emotional for me, because things won't be the same.
The guys are like my brothers, and, um...
It's just gonna be different.
So thanks for coming. Love you guys.
- God bless. - Yeah!
[cheering, applauding]
Life goes on.
[cheering, applauding continue]
[Garren] You know, you've been one of my best guys,
and you've made a lot of our clients happy.
You know what? I've been thinking about this for a while.
You know I just had twins. Cowboys 4 Angels is blowing up.
It's-- I got Dallas, I got New York, Atlanta--
Yeah, you're blowing up. No doubt.
Why don't you run Vegas?
You would be the boss of the guys.
It's an interesting idea, for sure.
Sync & edits by Alice www.addic7ed.com
[Man] Cluck.