- sync and corrections by Zac - - www.addic7ed.com -
Wow.
What do you think?
I think I'm going to really enjoy fucking you against this glass.
Is that right?
Yeah, in front of all the neighbors.
It's always kind of been a fantasy of mine.
A little higher up than the fantasy, but...
Oh, okay. What, with my belly pressed up against the glass?
Exactly.
And those windows can take it.
- They're double-paned. - Oh, Jesus.
- Did you see the bathroom? - Mm-hmm.
Those his-and-his sinks?
- We did, we did. - Yeah.
I'm telling you, this building is special.
It's very social. I've moved a lot of gay couples in.
Oh, no, this one would just be for me.
But I will be... I'll be spending a lot of time here.
It's just that I love my place, and it's rent-controlled.
I don't want to pressure whomever,
but for the area, the rent is very reasonable.
I've already had a lot inquiries.
Oh. Well, we have that dinner tonight...
- Mm-hmm... - but you said there's an open house this weekend...
Yeah, I'll take it.
I'll take it. I love it.
And you know, you love that window.
Um, how soon can I sign the lease?
You will be very happy here.
Okay, Johnny is going to be here in two minutes
- in a black hatchback. - Ugh.
My mom hates it when people are late.
- Patrick, look at me. Look at me. - Yes?
Is there going to be any last-minute surprises at this dinner?
- What do you mean? - Like your sister
secretly waiting to pounce on us like some hairy spider?
No, Megan is still very much a conscientious objector
to all of this. She didn't even respond.
Good, 'cause she'll probably rip my bloody head off.
- You know she de-friended me... - Yes, I know.
Even though it has nothing to do with her.
It's between Jon and me.
Well, Jon is her husband's best friend,
and Megan is a drama queen and super judgy,
just like my mom, so I hope you're ready for that.
I am.
Black hatchback.
- Also, Kevin? - Yeah.
Oh, Patrick, I will get your mom's name right.
I've been practicing.
It's "Dahna," rhymes with "banah-na."
It's the American... "Dan-na banan-ah."
- It's Danna-banana. - Danna-banana.
- No, what I wanted to say was...
- What? - I'm 30 and I'm too old to be
having this moment, but I am.
My mom has never met one of my boyfriends before,
so... I appreciate this. Thank you.
Well, I'm honored.
And, Patrick, it's going to be absolutely fine.
I am so fucking good with moms.
Hey, look who's gracing us with her presence.
What are you talking about? I told you this morning I was going to come by.
Hey, I need to talk to you, Dom.
What's up? Oh, hey, do you want to come with me
to pick up the paint swatches?
Oh, fuck my life! Moment of the day.
It turns out my Uncle Bunny is contesting the will after all.
- What? - I know, I know.
Crotchety old molester, man. It's unbelievable.
- What... - He's such a fuckin' prick.
Fuckin' asshole, man.
- Yeah, so that means... - Oh, shit!
It means that we're not going to have the money for a while,
'cause the whole case has to get resolved
and then I have access to it.
So how... how long will that be?
- Three or four months. - Four months? Seriously?
My fuckin' family, man.
Shit, man, but I'm maxed out to the brim,
'cause I was... I was expecting that money.
I literally have nothing left, Dore.
I'm... I have zero cushion.
Okay, I know that. I didn't do anything.
All right? Take it easy. It's not my fault.
No, I'm not saying it's your fault.
I'm just saying I'm fucked. I'm... I'm fist-fucked.
- Jesus. - Take a little breath.
- Take a deep breath, Dom. - Don't...
- "Take a breath," really? - We'll be okay.
- I just... - Just relax.
I just ordered an industrial fryer
and a giant fucking neon sign, so just forgive me...
- Yeah, and I'm sorry... - ...for being a little upset.
You're going to have to put it on hold, it looks like.
- Well, it doesn't work that way, Dore. - Oh, it doesn't?
- They have a whole new system? - I can't get them
to un-neon the neon. Fuck.
I just... I don't understand why you would
offer me money that wasn't actually yours to offer.
- Jesus. - Are you fucking
kidding me right now?
I knew this was a fucking bad idea.
- Mmm. - Money always fucks things up.
- Does it really? You know what? - Yeah, it does, always.
You are unbelievable, man.
I'm the only person in your sorry life
that has ever tried to do anything...
Oh, your life is so fucking great?
Okay, my dad just died, you...
You know... oh my God. You know what?
Fuck you. Fuck you!
I hope all your dreams come true.
Taxi! Taxi!
There she is.
Hi, Mom. Sorry we're late. The Uber driver was a nightmare.
Oh, that's all right.
I've been enjoying my second pineapple royale.
- Oh. - Hello, dear.
- Hello. - Mom, you remember Kevin?
Kevin, this is my mom.
It's a pleasure to see you again, Danna-banana.
- Ha! - My God.
I haven't been called that in years.
Kevin, you sit over here.
So that's a leather daddy?
Mm-hmm.
And the hope is this will actually make money?
We didn't... we didn't do it to make money, Mom.
We just did it so we could work on something together.
Something that was ours.
Yeah, but we do own the app, so if it sells,
this could be a tidy payday.
- Well, hallelujah. - Hallelujah.
And by the way, Patrick, there's nothing wrong with making money,
especially if it's doing something you love,
that fulfills you. How many people can say that?
I can't.
You're very lucky, both of you.
Yeah, I agree.
And even though the last two months
have not been without drama...
- So I heard. - Yep.
Uh, well, I think I'm the luckiest man in the world to be with your son.
Well, it's always a bumpy ride, isn't it?
He's lovely.
And he seems to adore you.
Have you said "I love you" to each other yet?
That's always a thing.
Okay, Mom, has Dr. Sapperstein adjusted your meds or something?
You're acting all warm and glowy.
And that's a bad thing?
You know how I love my Christmas shopping trips
to San Francisco.
And seeing Megan and Gus, and now you and Kevin,
it makes me happy.
How is Megan?
Well, that's why I wanted us to chat.
- This fight you're having... - No, she's fighting with me.
She has been waging this cold war on me
every since Kevin happened.
Well, Megan has a very strict moral code. You know that.
Come on, she cheated on her SATs.
And I think she should want me to be happy.
Why don't you come to the zoo with us
and tell her that?
The... Why are you and Megan going to the zoo?
I'll tell her you're coming and I'll broker a rapprochement.
Tomorrow.
Oh, tomorrow. I... I can't do tomorrow,
because I told Kevin I'd help him
look for a new mattress.
Shop early. You're going.
Okay.
Each side has its own remote. Zero is soft, 100 is most firm.
- Nice. - This one likes it nice and hard.
Okay, see what's comfortable. I'm happy to answer any questions.
Can we leave our shoes on? I guess so.
No, no, that's fine there. Have you got your remote?
Yeah. Is it the same?
Okay, yeah. Okay.
I'm at 75.
Uh-huh. I'm 95 and holding.
You nerd. You love this, don't you?
It's cool, isn't it? There's actually a bed here
that has a zero-gravity function.
Oh.
Hey, you haven't reconsidered the zoo, have you?
Fuck no.
You go and make peace with the Gorgon,
and then in three or four years, we'll all get together
and have a nice laugh about it.
Wow, three or four years? I love that you're thinking long-term.
I wasn't so sure after you didn't ask me to move in with you.
Well, uh...
I wanted to ask you.
But I wasn't too sure if you'd think it was too soon
- or crazy. - Crazy?
Yeah. Have you running for the hills.
But, uh...
I got that apartment for us.
You know, I want this bed to be our bed.
Whenever you're ready.
Wait. Are you saying...
Well, if I wasn't so comfortable,
I'd probably get down on one knee and ask you,
"Patrick Murray, will you move in with me
"and brush your teeth in the sink next to mine
each morning?"
- It's a major step, Kevin. - It is, yes.
Ready when you are.
It's a friggin' shelter mural, not the Museum of Art.
It wasn't my choice to hire this dude.
- What's good, boys? - Hey, we have ourselves
- a bit of... - A clusterfuck
- is what we have, okay? - Oh!
The artist that we hired to do this refuses to work with the theme of tolerance.
So he quit today, on a father-fucking voice-mail.
Jesus, that sucks.
What am I gonna do?
The donor's going to come this week to show her lady friends.
Well, I'm going to go tell the kids to stop, all right?
All right.
Argh!
- What are you guys going to do? - I don't know.
Hey, so when you started taking Truvada,
did you have, like, crazy side effects?
No, just the usual. What do you mean? Why?
I was just thinking about starting PrEP,
but I want to make sure my body's not going to go into, like, convulsions or something.
Don't be so telenovela all the time.
Wait, why PrEP now, though?
Well, you know, it's the socially-responsible
San-Francisco-gay-man thing to do.
Right.
You're going to do this mural.
- Me? No. - Yeah.
It's for the mother-loving community.
No. It's your duty as a homo sapien.
No, I don't do the art thing anymore.
Come on, here's all you've got to do, okay?
Just, like, maybe paint some tolerance butterflies up there,
- involve the kids somehow. - What?
Don't make it sucky. Badda-bing, badda-boom.
- Hero for a day! - No, I'm not going to do it.
- Yes. - No, I don't want to.
Listen to me, you'll be the biggest douche bag asshole right now
if you say no to us when we're in a bind, okay?
So please, thanks. Thank you.
Sammi? Come here.
Oh, let's take a picture
with the noble bronze jaguar, shall we?
- Definitely. - Yes.
Paddy, will you take a photo of Mommy and me?
Sure.
All right. Okay, here we go.
Say cheese.
Cheese.
Wait, I'm taking a video. Sorry.
Ah, can you hurry? It's cold. I want to get Mommy a hot chocolate.
Okay, hold on. Here we go.
All right, here we go.
One, two, three.
Got it.
Okay, yeah, I'm fine.
No hot chocolate for me. Thanks for asking.
Oh, aren't you guys always watching your weight?
With your juice cleansing and your CrossFit?
Did you want a Xanax, honey?
'Cause I got some.
Sammi's right, okay? The notion of tolerance,
it's really offensive when you think about it, okay?
I mean, is that really all these kids are supposed to strive for?
- And the donor. - The donor?
The donor can go fuck herself, okay?
When she sees this, okay? She's gonna love it.
Come on, Eddie.
You're not going to deny this to Sammi, are you?
Look, for the record, emotional blackmail doesn't really work on me.
You know? But I have to say,
it's kind of nice to see Miss Havana Nights got a soul after all.
Oh, well, you're the one who dug it up.
Gag me with a spoon. Oh, fuck me.
- Wow, what are you doing here? - Hi.
You just scouting for rent-boys, or...
How you doin'?
I am... I'm golden.
- Great. - Yeah, how are you?
I'm good. I'm really good.
Um, I'm working, actually,
at a shelter for the youth... for...
for the... for homeless youth.
Mm-hmm.
No more art.
I took someone's very strong suggestion.
Is that right?
Oh, uh, this is my friend, Eddie.
Hi, I'm his friend, Eddie.
- Hey, Eddie, I'm Frank. - I know who you are.
All right.
So what? Am I famous or...
Something like that.
So no more art, huh?
Oh, no, actually this isn't me.
Agustin has been mentoring one of the trans teens in our shelter,
and I have to say, he's pretty amazing with them.
Okay, so who are you and what have you done with Agustin?
Hey, it's a new day.
Yeah, I can see that.
Well, I should skedaddle.
Let's get together sometime, okay?
Yeah, sure.
Absolutely.
She could make some tweaks, but it's good, right?
Mom, I don't think you should be feeding the animals.
Honey, these are quinoa chips from Whole Foods.
Okay.
And since when do you care about doing the right thing?
Okay, let's just do this. Let's just talk about
the proverbial elephant in the room.
Your narcissism?
- Megan. - Oh, Mommy, I'm kidding.
- Patrick knows I'm kidding. - All right.
Look, I know what the problem is, but why is it your problem?
Why do you have any opinion about it?
Because one, I'm a moral person.
- Oh, really? - And because I come home
every night after work and I see Gus sitting there
with this sweet, lovely man who has absolutely no idea
how or why his life imploded.
Really, Patrick.
Have you thought about what Jon's going through?
Yes, I think about it all the time,
and I feel like shit that he's upset.
Upset?
Look, I didn't ask Kevin to break up with Jon, okay?
- That was his decision. - Then your boyfriend's an asshole.
Because he wanted to leave an unhappy relationship?
They were unhappy, Megan. Both of them.
Okay, well, so instead of telling him that
and trying to work through it, he just announces, "I'm leaving you"?
I mean, who does that? Without even a conversation?
I think Kevin thought a clean break was the best way to go about it.
- Yeah, and you could have said no. - I...
- You could have said no to Kevin. - I did!
I tried to, but life is messy, okay?
Maybe not your life down in the Peninsula,
but you're just going to have to get over this, Megan.
Because this is happening. I'm with Kevin
and hopefully for a long time.
Oh, you think so? You think you two are forever?
I have no idea, but he... just asked me to move in with him.
- Oh, wow! - So...
Oh, so he's that guy. Got it.
Why didn't you tell me that last night?
It just happened, Mom. Just this morning.
It's a bit fast, isn't it?
- I haven't said yes yet. - Well, maybe you should say no.
You're not giving up your apartment, are you?
I... mmm... I don't know what I'm going to do yet.
Whether or not Kevin and I move in with each other,
the point is that he's going to be around.
And if we're going to be in each other's lives, you're...
Don't you even think about bringing him around at Christmas.
My God. Mom, if there was ever a time for a rah-prochement...
Isn't it a little different when it's two men, Megan?
Oh God, Mom.
Oh my God, I am so sick of that double standard.
I am so over Patrick getting away...
getting a free pass because he's gay.
Pardon me?
You get to not give Mom and Dad kids, because you're gay.
You get to live with your friends in San Francisco
chasing your bliss and working on your video games because you're gay.
You get to break up a relationship because you're fucking gay.
Okay, you know what? My life is nothing like that.
And even if it were, you would have no right to judge me or my choices
based on the way that you and Gus live.
You can't feed the animals, ma'am.
They take a special savanna diet.
It's okay, I'm done.
Thank you.
Me too.
It's pronounced rapprochement.
- Thank you. - And that wasn't it.
Dore?
Dore, you home?
I brought a peace offering.
Yeah?
It's cake-batter flavor.
It's the one that makes you puddle in your panties.
Oh, I'm not really in the mood for Froyo, thanks.
I put the pink salt, how you like.
Yeah, no thank you.
Come on, Dore. I'm saying I'm sorry.
You know how I am when people try to help me.
I turn into a fucking crazy person.
Yeah, well, it's me, Dom. You know, it's me.
I know.
I know. I'm sorry.
I am.
Listen, you know what you started to say earlier?
You're right. You're the only one who ever really supported me.
Yeah, that's right. That's right.
I have.
I have been your person, right? I've been your person
for the last 20 fucking years.
And it's not... it's... it's...
It's too much. It's not good.
Are you jealous of Malik?
Oh, that is fucking ridiculous.
I encouraged the two of you to be together, so...
You know what?
We're both damaged. We're both damaged.
We don't know how to be adults.
You know, I prioritize... you over Malik.
And when I... when I don't do that,
I feel guilty about it.
If this keeps going on like this,
you know, we're going to be 70 years old,
stuck in this apartment, still talking about fucking Froyo.
- Where are you going? - I'm gonna stay at Malik's.
I don't feel like I can be here right now.
What do you mean you can't be here?
We're a codependent mess.
A fag and his hag.
I would let you work this out
in your own time,
but I suspect you'll want to be united
for what I'm about to tell you.
Oh my God. Are you sick?
Is Daddy sick?
No, we're both fine.
What is it then?
The simplest version
is that I'm thinking of leaving your father.
- What? - What?
What do you mean, leaving?
Leaving as in, like, divorce?
What happened? Why... did Daddy do something?
No, nothing happened. Nobody did...
Do you remember Dr. Alexander?
His wife Julie passed away last year?
Mrs. Alexander is dead?
It was a very difficult time for Dennis.
- Uh... - And I helped him through it.
And something started.
Not physically.
Not yet.
But emotionally.
I... I don't understand, Mom.
Are you unhappy with Dad?
Not unhappy, but...
yearning for something else.
Something more.
Can I just say
I think it is beautiful that you were there for Dennis,
but, like, who's going to be there for Daddy
when you drop this bombshell on him?
Honey, your father can take care of himself.
Believe me.
I have to try to honor my truth.
Oh, God.
What about the truth of your marriage?
What about honoring that?
You've been married how many months now?
Three?
You'll find, Megan,
that the longer you're with someone,
the more complicated that truth becomes.
You...
you can't just leave Dad, Mom.
If someone makes me happy...
and he wants to be with me,
and I want to be with him,
I shouldn't do anything?
I should stay?
I support you, Mom.
Whatever you need.
We... support you.
Thank you.
So it was really weird seeing Frank, huh?
- Not really. - Please.
He's really fucking hot, by the way.
Okay.
By the way, you know what else was awkward?
That "This is my friend, Eddie" thing.
What was awkward about that?
I'm just your friend?
You know, you don't get to have it both ways, Eddie.
You said over and over that we can mess around,
but nothing more, right? You said that.
So what am I supposed to call you?
Can you just admit that you saw your fucking gorgeous ex-boyfriend
and you got a little turned up inside?
You figured it out, Eddie.
What?
I'm getting really tired of having to persuade you that I'm into you.
- Okay? - Okay, calm down.
I've liked you since the moment that I met you,
since we got into the river, we took all our clothes off,
and you smiled at me.
I do have a winning smile.
I want to be your boyfriend. What do I have to do?
You want me to go to the top of Twin Peaks and yell it out?
I'll do it.
You're not going to get me up there.
Not in these shoes.
I need to hear you say it.
Agustin...
Javier Christopher...
Lanuez...
Will you please be my boyfriend?
Yeah?
Javier and "Christober" are not my middle names.
You sure?
Fuck.
These are the kind Dad likes, I think.
Dark chocolate with mint.
Very sweet of you to remember that.
Honey, give Megan time.
- She'll accept Kevin. - I hope so.
I really love him, Mom.
Are you disappointed in me?
No.
No, just... confused, I guess.
I mean, you do... or you did
love Dad, right?
It wasn't all bullshit?
What?
The last 40 years of my life?
I'm not proud of all the choices I've made, Patrick,
but they were my choices.
Not your father's, not my parents' choices.
So no,
it has not all been bullshit.
You and Megan are not... excuse me... bullshit.
What are you going to do?
I have no fucking idea.
Mom?
There's my car.
Mom? Well...
- See you and Kevin soon. - Okay.
- Christmas, I hope. - Yeah.
We'll all have such a lovely time.
I...
- Hi. - Hey.
I want to do this.
I want to move in with you,
and be with you, and spend Christmas with you here.
Just the two of us.