No, Peter!
Look, I was proposed to before.
Can I help you?
Oh, my God.
There she is!
Peter, this is Colin.
I'm the love of her life.
I'm just kidding. Am I?
Dana, you need anything?
Sync and corrections by kategreen/awaqeded - www.addic7ed.com -
So, did the popcorn make it?
Yeah, I think I caught it just in time.
Every kernel popped. That is very difficult to do.
Sorry. W-what are you doing here?
Uh, Dana sent me an e-mail
saying she didn't want to talk to me anymore.
Oh, wow.
Sounds like she should have filed a restraining order.
That's a good one.
It's not one.
I've slept with everyone in this room.
That is the first time that's happened.
The e-mail was just... it was so unlike you. I...
Wanted to make sure you were all right.
Yeah. I'm fine.
She's fine. So... You should...
and I was in town anyway.
I-I-I'm speaking at the Hoskins.
That's an art institute.
Now.
Anyway, I-I-I wanted to see
if maybe you wanted to come to the lecture.
It's on your favorite... French neoclassicism.
And you, of course, are welcome to come, as well, Pete.
Er. Peter.
Right.
That's really nice of you to invite us, Colin,
but I meant what I said in my e-mail.
Now that Peter and I are together...
Ah. I see.
Well... Probably a little intimidating for you...
an old flame just rolling back into town.
- I get it. - No. No.
There's... there's nothing to get here at all.
I mean, look, Dana and I would love to go,
especially if it's on, uh, French neoclassicism,
which is one of Dana's favorite things.
Um, I'd like to learn more about it.
Great. Then it's a date.
It's not a date. I mean, it'd be a date for Dana and I.
That's a date.
As I said.
But different.
Okay, I have reached a new low.
I just got dumped by a text.
He just wrote "unsubscribe."
Oh, that's horrible.
And so efficient.
I am done with dating.
It is way too hard to find a guy in this city.
And, yes, I am counting the ones
who rub up against you on the subway.
Can you afford to throw anyone back at this point?
Hey. Maybe we should give her the trophy.
The trophy?
What trophy?
A lot of memories.
A lot of good times.
It's a trophy.
Yeah, but look closer. What's it for?
Nondescript figure, no plaque.
It's nothing.
Or is it everything?
Ah.
The trophy. Mm.
The ultimate conversation-starter.
That's right... you just carry this thing into a bar,
and people flock to you.
You know, "where did you get that trophy?"
"What a big trophy."
Everybody loves winners, and only winners get trophies.
Good to see you, old friend.
You're happily married, William.
Just walk away.
So, what do you think? You think she's ready for it?
I don't know.
What do girls win trophies for?
Book club? Friendship?
You know, I am skeptical of this entire thing,
and yet your sexism forces me to say,
"you're damn right I'm taking the trophy."
Jacques-Louis' early work was inspired
by the baroque style of Nicolas Poisson, of course.
Of course.
But all artists built on their predecessors,
so there was nothing fishy about Poisson's inspiration.
Thank you.
"Fish." Excuse me?
"Poisson" means "fish" in French.
Mm. Poussin is the artist.
Oh. Okay, now I get it.
That's hilarious.
You know what they say about comedy...
the more you have to explain it, the funnier it is.
My students seem to find me amusing. Mm-hmm.
Well, gee, I wish you were my college professor.
But then again, you'd probably try to sleep with me.
Yeah.
And even if you were my type,
you still wouldn't be my type.
I actually h-have a rule not to sleep with students.
Former students, on the other hand, are...
A delightfully different affair.
Look, I'm just gonna ask you straight up.
Are you here to try to steal Dana away from me?
Yes.
Is "yes" "no" in French?
I am 100% trying to steal Dana away from you.
Look, buddy, you already proposed.
She said "no," okay?
Honestly, it's a little embarrassing
that you're here right now.
- Is it? - Yeah.
We have history. And I'm not going to lose.
- Dude, you've already lost. - Okay. Just... just calm down.
You've had a little bit to drink.
Oh, turns out you don't know everything
because I have had a lot to drink!
Okay. All right. Let's... let's go.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't touch me.
I'm just trying to make sure
you don't embarrass yourself anymore. Come on. Let's go.
Hey. That's two, man.
What happens on three?
I don't know. Find out, old man.
Dana never had any complaints about my age...
Or my stamina.
All right, hands off!
Peter! What the hell?!
Uh... your professor fell.
I just saw you push him.
Right. And then he fell.
It's okay. I'm okay.
Careful.
I saw you push him.
Hey, he started it.
How did he start it, Peter?
Well, because he put his hand on my back over and over and over.
And one time, it's like, "dude..."
Second time, it's like, "dude."
Three times, it's like, "dude!"
He started talking about having stamina.
Stamina. Oh, that monster.
You know, he told me he came to New York to win you back.
And beating him up is gonna prevent him from doing that?
- Well... - I mean, you might as well save him the time, right,
and just club me on the head now and drag me back to your cave.
Cavemen had it so easy. All right.
I'm just gonna be honest.
I don't know what you ever saw in that guy
with his speaking French and his lame art jokes
and his quoting poetry... ugh.
You just named three things I love.
Well... You like the wrong things.
We can get past it.
It was a joke. It was bad.
Tell you what, Peter.
Before I say something that I regret
or you throw Colin through a Renoir,
maybe we should just call it a day.
I don't know who that is.
And I'm not gonna pretend to know.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to Vincent van "Gogh."
See?
He's not the only one who can make lame art puns.
It's pronounced "van gock."
Of course it is.
That's a window.
It's a window.
Oh, man.
Just holding this thing in my hands,
feeling its power coursing through my veins
makes me feel alive.
To be fair, that's also what you say
when you buy a really nice olive loaf.
Oh. Ah.
And we should have contact in three, two...
Oh, hi.
Hi. Impressive.
It's super embarrassing.
I just won it, and I didn't have any time
to take it back to my apartment and drop it off.
Well, what did you win it for?
Well, what do you think I won it for?
Hmm... Rugby.
Are you psychic?
I knew you'd ask me that.
I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be rude,
but my sister here is having a little bit of a crisis.
Well, here, why don't I
give you my number, Mr. rugby champion.
I'm married, so beat it.
Such a rugby player.
First off, that is the most manly thing
I've ever seen you do.
And how?
The trophy's whatever they want it to be.
So whatever they guess you won it for,
you just say "yes," and then suddenly,
you're a champion at their favorite thing.
Wow. I apologize for ever doubting you.
Don't apologize to me. Just apologize to the trophy.
Right.
Seriously. Apologize to the trophy.
Trophy, I'm so sorry.
Oh. Hey. Hi.
I'm Colin. Can... can I talk to Dana?
Yeah, I know who you are, Professor Reed.
It's Amy. Amy Souza.
I'm drawing a blank.
I took two classes from you.
I was the first in class every day.
I sat in the front row.
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
Seriously?
You were the only professor to ever give me a "B" ever.
Wait, did you show up at my house drunk at 3:00 A.M.
And demand that I re-grade an essay?
Dana, the professor guy's here.
Hi.
So, how did you, uh, enjoy the lecture?
Oh, yeah. Um...
Look, I'm really sorry about all that.
No. It wasn't your fault.
Except... except that it was about you,
so... In that way, it totally is your fault.
Look, I'm not making any excuses for him.
Peter mentioned that you told him
you want to get back together with me.
I did. I do.
Okay, Colin...
look... I screwed up.
When you said you were moving to New York,
I should have followed you.
This is for you.
No. No, no, no.
I'm... I'm not turning down
another marriage proposal, Colin.
Although I'm getting good at it.
I got an apartment this morning.
If you'll give me another shot, I'm gonna move to New York,
and I would love if you would move in with me.
I just...
Look, you don't... you don't have to answer right now.
Just... Take some time. Think about it.
Can adults run away from home?
Wow. This is cute.
It's like an apartment but... Smaller.
What are you doing here? We're relatives.
Why do you make it seem weird that we would talk?
Yeah. Yeah.
Of course. Yeah, yeah.
Here. Come on in.
So, uh... how about them Mets?
Off by about four months.
Ugh. Fine. Just tell me what your plan is with Dana.
- I've got that under control. - Do you?
'Cause Colin just bought an apartment in Manhattan
and he asked her to move in with him.
What?! That's insane, okay?
She's obviously not gonna move in with him.
We're in the middle of a relationship.
Colin has serious, glaring flaws,
but Dana's never been able to see them, for some reason.
This is a code-red situation, Peter.
It's grand-gesture time. You go big or you go home.
I am home.
Go to her. This is not a joke.
I don't take leaving Manhattan lightly.
What? This is Brooklyn heights.
We just got a whole foods.
Bye!
I can't do this.
You're already doing everything you need to be doing.
You're holding the trophy.
This is so embarrassing.
This thing is as big as I am.
It looks like a won a trophy for most-embarrassing trophy.
I mean, there is no way a guy is just gonna stroll up to me
because I have...
Oh, cute guy walking this way.
How you doing?
I... good.
Great trophy. What's it for?
Debate team. Nope.
What? That would be so lame.
Uh, what... what do you think it's for?
You kind of look like a dancer.
That's so, so right... And flattering.
And... Right.
Oh, are you two...
Ew. God, no. Ew. No.
- That's disgusting. - That's disgusting.
Oh. Can I buy you a drink?
Focus on the lady, pal.
I... was.
I'll have a Manhattan, please.
Cool.
Okay.
- Look at you. - What?
Totally panicked, babbling like a lunatic...
Yeah... But sealed the deal.
- Yeah. You can go now. - Okay.
Should I take the...
it belongs to me now, David.
Okay.
Peter.
These are for you.
Now, they in no way make up for my screw-up yesterday,
but I did get us reservations at Bobby Flay's new restaurant.
I know that's on your bucket list.
That's not necessary.
I think it's necessary.
Was it, uh, Rimbaud who said,
"from since you alone, satiny..."
- "from since you alone..." - Stop.
Okay.
These grand, romantic gestures and...
The run through the rain...
I mean, shouldn't we just get along.
So you don't have to do any of this?
Yeah, I-I just wanted to let you know that I was sorry.
Apology accepted.
- And...? - I don't know.
Should a relationship have to be this difficult?
I mean, you shouldn't have to ride in on a white horse
every two weeks to apologize for something.
Okay, then no more romantic gestures, okay?
This is just me telling you
that the only reason yesterday went so wrong
is because I care so much.
I care, too. I do.
I just need to think.
Okay.
About how long do you...
I'm serious, Peter.
Okay. I'll go.
Do you need an umbrella?
Um, no.
I left it out in the hall. I just didn't use it.
Figured I'd get extra credit for being wet.
But now I'm just a sad man with cold, hard nipples.
Worst exit line ever.
Hey. What was all that?
You heard?
No, I didn't.
You really have to work on speaking up while you're fighting.
We weren't... Fighting.
I told him that I needed time with no... Grand gestures
to figure out why we keep needing grand gestures.
Right. Yeah.
Why is a grand gesture
the first thing that always pops into a guy's head?
I don't know. It's kind of stupid.
Well, let's not judge him too harshly.
Look, Dana, I've seen you with both of these guys,
and you just seem happier with Peter.
Is he a lunk sometimes? Yes. Okay.
But think about this...
who do you think about when you fall asleep?
Who makes you feel
like you're right where you're supposed to be?
Peter, when I said that I needed time,
I was thinking more than five minutes.
I know. I know.
I just wanted to say one more thing, okay?
A-and it's not another hail Mary.
It's not another present or... or poem.
Although, by the way, I did memorize that entire poem,
- so if this does work out... - Peter.
Right.
Me with the flowers, him with the apartment...
you're not some trophy to be won.
So no more pressure, no more requests.
They say if you love someone, to set them free.
Well, I'm setting you free.
And I hope I hear from you, but I understand if I don't.
Okay.
All right.
Take care.
Please stop me in three... Two...
Maybe she counts slower than me.
I mean, I get it.
It makes sense for us to be in this market,
but I-I just don't know if I can stand hearing dad
say "pimp cup."
Why can't I say "pimp cup"?
Yeah. That's a pass. Yeah.
Hey, why is she carrying the trophy?
You guys gave it to my baby girl?
I didn't sign off on that, you savages!
All right.
Whoa. Careful there.
One of us might need that again someday.
What's up with Peter? Should one of us go check on him?
Nah. He'll still be sad in five minutes.
So, how did it go?
Oh, I'm done with this thing. What are you talking about?!
I was with you. I saw the trophy work.
Yeah, sure. It works.
I met a cute guy, went back to his place, and...
Watched a movie.
But in the morning, it was a disaster.
He had a ton of questions about my championship dancing skills,
and it turns out I don't know
the first damn thing about dancing.
Told him I had to go to my car to get my ballet slippers,
and I just ran.
That's why you never should have had it in the first place.
The trophy is not for starting relationships.
It's for one-night... romances.
Yeah, it's like a fairy godmother.
You know, it waves its wand
and it turns you into a championship ballet dancer
or goat herder, you know.
And then in the morning, you go back to being you.
Back to being me. Wonderful.
I'm stealing this packing tape.
I need to go manufacturer some cleave for my tinder pic.
Excuse me.
This is none of my business, but...
You don't need that trophy.
I've always thought you were great.
Thank you. Who paid you to say that?
No one.
Maybe we could grab a drink sometime.
I think I can make that happen.
Let me get you my card.
You know... if she didn't have the trophy,
he wouldn't have been able to say she doesn't need the trophy.
Oh, you work in mysterious ways.
Oh, trophy.
We just need to walk away immediately.
We're in love with our wives.
So in love.
Extra dirty.
Oh, yummy. Thank you.
Cheers.
Mm.
Cheers.
How's Peter?
Who's that, now?
When I told you to play it cool, I didn't mean brain damaged.
Words hurt.
Who could that be at this hour?
Hello, Professor Reed.
- Hey, you... - Amy!
My name is Amy.
Dana, it's for you.
Hey. Hey.
Thank you for coming. Sure.
I just wanted to talk to you about everything.
Maybe in the...
Anywhere but here.
Hey, David.
Great to see you.
Are you serious?!
He didn't even go to our school!
So...
Oh.
This is disappointing.
Things are really confusing right now, and I need space.
And I need you to respect that.
This does not feel like respecting my space,
which Peter did.
He said that, "if you love someone, you set them free."
Oh, my God! Did Peter say that he loves me?!
I'm sorry, Colin, but I should not be here.
I have to go.
Wh-what's going on?
Peter loves me, and I love him.
I'm not gonna pretend I'm not happy about this.
Shut up, Amy.
Oh, you do know my name.
Now go away.
I can't believe I just realized nothing rhymes with "Dana."
Of course.
Hi.
I got you a pizza.
I even got the pineapple 'cause I know it's your favorite,
even though, let's be honest, everyone hates pineapple.
It's disgusting. And I would recite a poem,
but I know you don't want one of those.
You're soaked.
I ran through the rain.
Well, shouldn't you have put the pizza box over your head?
I mean, 'cause it was gonna get wet either way,
but at least you would have been...
Peter, this is a grand, romantic gesture,
so please stop giving me notes.
Okay.
So, does this mean...
it means that I love you, too.
Wait. Whoa. Whoa.
When did I tell her I loved her?
Do I love her?
Yeah. Yeah, I guess I do!
Okay, so, look, you already got credit
for saying you love her.
Now you just have to make it official.
Why is his heart beating so fast?
Oh, my God, is he gonna have a heart attack?
Do I know CPR?
Come on, Peter. You can do this.
You love her. No biggie.
Just say it out loud or don't ever say it
and let the relationship get weird for years.
That might actually be easier.
- Popcorn? - I love you.
Yeah, I know. I love you, too.
This might just work.
This is definitely gonna work.
Sync and corrections by kategreen/awaqeded - www.addic7ed.com -