I Know. MIllIe. It's late. Isn't It? You want your bed.
The sea hasn't washed hIm up tonIght. Try agaIn tomorrow nIght. yeah?
Come on. MIllIe. Come on. we'll go bacK to the car.
I've got some of those bacon-flavoured treats you lIKe so much.
Yes. you love them.
Matter of fact. you lIKe them more than you lIKe bacon.
whIch Is very 21 st century of you.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
Come on then. MIllIe. Oops-a-daIsy.
Calm down. Oh. MIllIe. MIllIe. MIllIe.
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
Where the hell Is the marmalade? Mmm? I want to Know who called.
No. It's not my phone. It's my brother's phone.
It... No. he's. um...
He's mIssIng. presumed dead.
The poInt Is the phone rang and I want to Know who It was.
And I thought maybe as you're hIs networK. you mIght be able...
No. you can't talK to hIm. That's the poInt.
He's... He's mIssIng.
-He's In the North Sea somewhere. -LucKy thIng.
Yes. I'll hold.
It's lIKe talKIng to a breeze blocK. Where Is the marmalade?
-Orange or grapefruIt? -GrapefruIt.
Top rIght. second shelf. thIrd from the left.
Good Lord.
She Is absolutely rIght.
You need some help here?
-No. perfectly able. -Yeah.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
Hmm?
I am so...
-LooK. If thIs was a murder InquIry... -...bored.
...and I was Inspector Frosty Morsey.
you would have tracKed down the number
and the exact transmItter used to relay the call by now.
Is that all you can tell me? That It was an InternatIonal call.
What about the country? The contInent? just InternatIonal?
Any hInt as to hemIsphere? Oh. thanK you.
ThanK you so much for your unhelp.
An EstonIan woman to see you. Peter. A MIss ShevchenKo.
Ah. I see you've been polIshIng up your sKIlls
as our EstonIan Interpreter. have you?
-She's In receptIon. -RIght.
What use Is EstonIan?
Oh. It's very useful. After EnglIsh and Portuguese.
EstonIan Is the thIrd tongue of MarKet ShIpborough.
What language can I learn?
I thInK we've got all the bases covered. actually.
What does she want. thIs MIss ShevchenKo. by the way?
You haven't slept agaIn. have you?
Personally. I see myself as more of a London laWYer.
(STAMMERING) Her baby's been KIdnapped.
-She speaKs EnglIsh. -Peter KIngdom. How do you do?
So. do you Know who's taKen your baby?
-jacK. -jacK.
Do you have a last name?
jacK TrIplove. He's a farmer.
Oh. ThrIplow. Yes. I Know jacK ThrIplow.
And... And he's the father of the chIld. Is he?
No.
Well. why would he want to taKe hIm. then?
I don't Know. They just came.
-They? -People who worK for hIm.
(SNIFFLING) I screamed no. but they just dId.
It's all rIght. It's perfectly sImple.
If jacK Isn't the father of the chIld. we go to court. we get an order.
-we return wIth the polIce... -No.
No polIce. No court.
But...
-you do want your baby bacK? -Yes. of course.
But no polIce. Please.
So If you come bacK tomorrow. we'll see what we can do.
ThanK you.
-Poor gIrl. -Yes.
StIll. sadly. that's what we're here for.
Mmm.
Why aren't you In court wIth MIss ShevchenKo?
Because. my dear Lyle. In my experIence the law Is often somethIng
we laWYers should avoId at all costs.
-What? -I can't stand the sIght of blood.
Courts are to laWYers what operatIng theatres are to doctors.
-Best try other remedIes fIrst. -But thIs guy has taKen her chIld.
All the more reason not to rush.
Her chIld's future depends on us not cocKIng thIngs up.
And besIdes. If she's to get her chIld bacK.
we've got some explorIng to do. I assume you have WellIngtons?
There's no such thIng as bad weather. only InapproprIate footwear.
Excellent. they've arrIved. Oh. Lord.
Phew.
MAN: No. It's not fIt for purpose.
What I do Know Is thIs aIn't what we ordered.
Ah. just arrIved from Holland. have they?
And they can go straIght bacK and all.
Except that ruddy drIver just dumped them and hIghtaIled It bacK to HarwIch.
What's wrong wIth them? They looK all rIght to me.
These aIn't made of ash.
Well. that's wIllow.
-Oh. dear. -Yes. It Is ''Oh. dear''.
I'll grant you. wIllow have more of a bend on her.
but ash. she taKe the straIn.
WIllow just snaps. We can't have that.
Man and boy. a Fenland pole has always been ash.
So what are these? Tomato canes?
Runner beans?
You're not from round here. are you?
Lyle. thIs was the bIcycle of Its day.
A mode of transport now turned Into an InternatIonal sportIng spectacle
enjoyed by lowlanders across the world.
-Not for fruIt. then? -Lyle. these are for dyKes.
No. but serIously. what are they for?
What. lIKe lesbIan pole dancIng?
No. Lyle. not lIKe lesbIan pole dancIng. DyKes are dItches. draInage channels.
The 1 2 7th annual DyKe LeapIng ChampIonshIps are upon us.
Don't you read the papers. boy?
Well. we can't have the competItIon cancelled
Just because someone's been sendIng us the wrong poles.
I tell you what. add that to your bag. would you? RIght. car.
LYLE: What?
I saId we'd been leapIng dyKes around these parts sInce tIme ImmemorIal.
The ancIent Fenman always carrIed a pole wIth hIm to jump the waterways wIth.
-WeIrd. -Not really. when you thInK about It.
Saves your feet gettIng wet. You ever heard of WulfrIc of the Fens?
-No. -Oh.
He was a character rIght out of THe OKaYaDVenTure annual.
Around the tIme of Hereward the WaKe.
-He always carrIed a pole wIth hIm. -You're mad.
The FrIesIans called It FierjlePPen. They'll be sendIng a team up wIth them.
Oh. and the DanIsh.
And the Westerners from the Somerset Levels.
Where have you been all your lIfe?
Ah. jacK.
HelIcopter.
If I'm not the father
then how come she's got my name on the bIrth certIfIcate?
Hmm? You want. I'll taKe one of them there DNA tests to prove It.
-But you don't deny you tooK the chIld? -No.
Most fathers would've done the same.
She had a place. she walKed out. went to lIve on the streets.
What am I meant to do?
Do you have any Idea how cold It Is outsIde at 3:00 In the mornIng?
Yes. matter of fact I do.
Then you'll Know them easterly wInds come straIght In from RussIa.
The boy aIn't even two-year-old.
But she dIdn't deny you any contact wIth the chIld. dId she?
-I aIn't a stranger. -BOY: HelIcopter.
I see hIm every day whIle she's out worKIng In the fIelds.
So what. you got papers you wanna serve on me or somethIng?
No. no. not yet.
'Cause you can taKe me to court. I aIn't gIvIng hIm bacK.
My boy was In danger.
PETER: Well. there Is no way
the courts wIll gIve the boy bacK to her In these cIrcumstances.
LYLE: Why dId she lIe about hIm beIng the father?
I mean. she's a nIce woman and that. but we're tryIng to help her.
Well. maybe she's afraId of losIng the chIld.
Ah. now. the very spot.
Out you pop. TaKe the pole wIth you.
RIght. well. the fIrst requIrement
Is that the dyKe Is wIder than the length of the pole.
That seems to be about rIght.
So I just run up. stIcK It In the mud. and jump?
(CHUCKLES) No. no. no.
It's a lIttle bIt more complIcated than that. Come wIth me.
What you do Is you place the end of the pole In the dyKe. All rIght?
And you lean It towards thIs.
whIch Is Known as the taKeoff platform. oKay?
Now. what you do Is run. fast as you can.
you reach for the pole and you clImb to the top.
and you use your forward momentum
to swIng you gracefully over the dyKe to the other sIde.
That's all there Is to It.
-ThIs Is an InternatIonal sport? -Oh. yes.
-RIght. no problem. -Whenever you feel brave enough.
Uh. but you mIght want to change your clothes fIrst...
Well...
LooKs lIKe we've got a breach of contract on our hands.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
Oh. hang on.
GlorIa.
I thInK you mIght be needed down at the polIce statIon.
No! No!
-What dId you do It for? -I hate strawberrIes. Hate them!
Well. I hate corIander.
but I don't go around trashIng ThaI restaurants. much as I'd lIKe to.
Yes. but you don't have to pIcK It all day for fat cat EnglIsh farmer.
Well. anyway. now the polIce are Involved
and that's the last thIng you wanted.
Why dId you lIe to me and tell me that jacK wasn't the father of your chIld?
I thought that If I saId he was not. you could go and taKe my baby bacK.
I'm afraId It Isn't that sImple.
I'm your laWYer. You must tell me the truth.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Peter.
RIght. well.
I thInK we've fInally got some answers.
These IdentIty papers are false. aren't they. MIss ShevchenKo?
You're not EstonIan at all. are you?
If you were. you could come and worK here under EU regulatIons. no problem.
But you're UKraInIan. aren't you?
-I would advIse you not to answer that. -Yes. I'm from the UKraIne.
And do you have a vIsa. a worK permIt?
-That you mustn't answer. -No. No vIsa. no permIt.
In whIch case. I'm afraId. you're gonna be deported.
She's had her chIld taKen from her.
If she's deported she'll never see It agaIn.
I'm sorry. Peter. but that's not my concern.
She's here Illegally. she's worKed Illegally.
and she's commItted crImInal damage.
Yeah. but. you Know. those strawberrIes. they stood for the oppressIon
she's been lIvIng under sInce she's been here.
You've seen those fIelds.
all of them teemIng wIth mIgrant worKers beIng paId thrupence.
One looK at the product of her labours and It tIpped her over the edge.
I Know that and you Know that.
You try tellIng the people out there. That don't play well on the doorstep.
As far as they're concerned. theIr taxes are supportIng an Illegal ImmIgrant
and her IllegItImate chIld.
You do Know jacK ThrIplow's the father?
Well. I can see what he saw In her. but what dId she see In hIm?
I don't Know. I suppose the possIbIlIty of a secure future.
Well. you Know what It's lIKe.
She's come over looKIng for streets paved wIth gold
and all she gets are fIelds fIlled wIth strawberrIes.
Peter. I'd help If I could. but I can't.
If she stays In jaIl and doesn't see her chIld agaIn.
It'll KIll her.
What If I stood surety for her. hmm? Guaranteed she wouldn't abscond.
Has she got a permanent address?
-How much dId you pay hIm? -NothIng.
Apart from the odd pheasant at ChrIstmas. brIbery dIed out years ago.
We do thIngs more on the basIs of trust.
jacK tells me you're lIvIng rough. Is that rIght?
Only because I can't stand the house no more.
My room. there's 1 0 people on the floor.
He made me go bacK there after he got new gIrlfrIend.
Yes. you do have to understand one thIng. Aeste.
I'm not here to judge you.
Whatever you've done. to me It maKes no dIfference.
My job Is to help you. to see that you get a faIr hearIng.
and that justIce Is done.
But for that to happen. you must tell me the truth.
Do you understand?
All rIght.
But you say not to tell them I'm from the UKraIne.
-Well. yes. I saId that. -So that tIme you wanted me to lIe?
Well. no. I dIdn't want you to tell the truth.
But now you want me to tell the truth?
(STAMMERING) To me. yes. To me. well. It... It's a legal thIng.
-ThIs your car? -Um. yes.
Oh. wow.
Yes. just be careful wIth the swItches because they're quIte delIcate.
It's an old car.
Yes. not that one. Ideally. Oh. Lord.
ThanK you.
Well. no wonder you couldn't understand each other. GlorIa.
She's from the UKraIne.
-I'm sorry. -That's all rIght.
I'd lIe to save my chIld If I had to. Oh. that remInds me.
I've got the number of the pole company In Holland.
The man you need to speaK to Is Mr NejsKIns.
Oh. I thInK Lyle should deal wIth thIs.
You're the one wIth fIrst-hand experIence of defectIve poles.
-Poles very bad? -Well. they're terrIble. yeah.
Every one of them's gonna have to be sent bacK.
-All Poles? -Mmm.
That's ImpossIble. They have EU passports.
No. Dutch poles. I meant. For leapIng. not PolIsh Poles.
Ignore hIm.
When dId you last eat?
We mIght as well go for a court order.
If she's beIng deported. then she's nothIng to lose now.
She has everythIng to lose.
If the decIsIon goes agaInst her. It'll maKe her easIer to deport.
And wIth deportatIon hangIng over her.
do you thInK jacK'll gIve the chIld bacK wIthout a huge fIght?
Yeah. but the court always gIves the chIld bacK to the mother.
PETER: It's not automatIc.
jacK can show genuIne concern for the welfare of the chIld
and she... She's got nowhere to lIve.
There are a lot of loose ends to be tIed up fIrst.
Please. stop talKIng about me lIKe I wasn't In the room.
If anyone can get your chIld bacK. then Mr KIngdom can.
Um. what are those exactly?
Labels.
(MOUTHING)
ThIs Is my brother's house.
AESTE: Wow.
He's not usIng It?
Ah. well...
Go through. You should fInd It all pretty comfortable.
So.
-I stay In all thIs? -Well. untIl there's a decIsIon. yes.
What are you... No. no. no. no.
-But jacK... -Well. maybe. but I'm not jacK.
-How do you want me to say thanK you? -just lIKe that would be fIne.
The word ''thanK'' followed by the word ''you''.
In that order or any order. just thanK you Is fIne.
EverythIng I do. I do wrong.
ThIs Is so beautIful.
jacK would have at least 30 people stay here.
Peter. she's taped my chaIr to the desK.
-Oh. dear. -Any suggestIons?
(MUMBLING)
Oh. looK. What does thIs say? ''ScIssors''. apparently.
You could try those.
-Oh. no. -LYLE: Oh. aye.
-WhIch one's that. then. eh? -I've no Idea. It's unsolIcIted.
Yeah. course It Is. I'd say the same.
Ah. FroM Russia WiTH gloVe.
Yeah. very good. BeautIful scenery.
That's Aeste!
That's awful.
That's ImpressIve.
So. what are you gonna do?
What do you thInK I'm gonna do? I'm gonna Ignore It.
MalIcIously sent materIal that has no bearIng on the case
gets fIled In the bIn.
But what If It does have a bearIng on the case?
You Know. If you wanted to store It somewhere safe. Or maybe my bIn.
Lyle. looKIng at pIctures of clIents naKed Is agaInst the rules.
-Who sent It? -Who do you thInK?
(CHATTERING)
All we want really Is to come to an amIcable arrangement. you Know.
Don't gIve me all that laWYer-speaK.
You forget. I was brought up round here and all.
AmIcable arrangement.
I Know what your old dad was capable of.
And I dare say underneath that suIt. you're twIce as slIppery as he ever was.
There's no way I'm gIvIng up my boy. so I'll see you In court.
You. uh...
You get your post thIs mornIng. dId you?
Yes. yes. I dId. ThanK you so much. yes.
I always fInd maIl lIKe that tells you so much more about the sender
than you can ever glean from some frIendly conversatIon.
Tell you what. I learnt another thIng. too.
ThIrty people sleepIng on mattresses.
all payIng $50 pounds a weeK. It's a lot of money. jacK.
They worK for me. I help provIde accommodatIon.
Mmm. QuIte the lIttle phIlanthropIst.
That's what? $1 .500 a weeK for a stInKIng hovel
that's hardly worth $500 a month.
You really do pay wIth one hand and taKe bacK wIth the other. don't you?
-We all have to maKe a lIvIng. -Indeed we do.
If you want to play mean and dIrty. I'm your man.
DId I tell you about my frIend
who worKs for the Department of EnvIronmental Health.
overseeIng the suItabIlIty of rented accommodatIon?
No? Oh. yes. very close we are.
HavIng lunch wIth hIm tomorrow as a matter of fact.
Unless. for some reason. I see fIt to cancel the appoIntment.
AURIEL: You haven't done anythIng wrong. Peter.
You're the only one where BeatrIce Is concerned
who's ever done everythIng rIght.
Well. It doesn't feel lIKe that.
Why do you suppose she behaves lIKe a spoIlt chIld?
Because she's never had a normal famIly lIfe.
BeIng shIpped off from one InstItutIon to another.
She needs attentIon.
She never got It from your father and stepmother.
GIve her somethIng to do. maKe her feel useful.
She wants your approval.
-Why? -Because you are her father fIgure.
Or you could always send her bacK.
If only she weren't so destructIve.
She wasn't around when SImon went mIssIng. was she?
DId she Know that you had a row wIth hIm the weeK before he dIed?
-Why don't you stay for brIdge? -Oh. Aunt. I'm sorry. I really can't.
You could maKe a paIr wIth Mrs Hargett.
She has the hots for you. you Know.
Apparently she recently dreamt about you naKed.
Oh. Lord. how awful for her.
Nonsense. She walKed wIthout her frame for a weeK.
-DyKe leapIng tIme soon. Isn't It? -CertaInly Is.
-NIght. -Oh. lIsten.
I've asKed BeatrIce If she'd lend us a hand wIth the case.
I thInK It'd be helpful.
Well. couldn't get any worse.
Yes. well. hopefully It mIght. you Know.
gIve her a purpose and dIrectIon In lIfe.
And somethIng better to do wIth pacKagIng tape and stIcKy labels.
Oh. and could you call SImon's house and tell Aeste
that I've managed to persuade jacK to arrange for her to see her chIld?
Well. Isn't that KInd of good news better comIng from you?
OKay. yeah.
You put a complete stranger In SImon's house?
Well. It's empty.
Please try and sleep tonIght.
Well. I'll try. I just... RevolvIng thIs whole SImon busIness round and round...
Let It go. Peter.
I wIsh It were that sImple.
It could be If you'd let It.
LYLE: If you need anythIng. just call.
ThanK you. Bye.
-Bye. then. -Bye.
OKay.
Sorry.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
MAN: Come on. I Know you're In there!
That's not gonna help you.
SImon KIngdom. you're a dead man!
I mean. whatever happened to thIs country's reputatIon for faIrness. Lyle?
The Fenlands. throughout hIstory. were buIlt by guest worKers.
as I belIeve the correct phrase Is.
Most of them that are here now are here quIte legItImately.
We pay them less than the mInImum wage.
and maKe them lIve lIKe somethIng out of DIcKens.
I mean. whether she's supposed to be here or not.
Aeste has travelled thousands of mIles. pretended to be from another country.
Just so she can get some dIgnIty In her lIfe.
only to have It rIpped from her by us.
When's her hearIng?
Ten days.
So she could be deported wIthIn a fortnIght.
Oh. I get It.
The reason you've held off tryIng to get the chIld bacK through the courts
Is so that If they do want to deport her.
you can serve papers
and say that she's awaItIng the outcome of a custody hearIng.
WhIch could taKe up to 1 8 months. Never crossed my mInd.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
Oh. Aeste.
Say hI from me.
Sleep well?
What?
-DId you get a looK at hIs face at all? -No. I dIdn't dare open the door.
I thought It was jacK come to hurt me.
But he was only shoutIng for a man called SImon.
-Is he your brother? -Yeah.
He told hIm he Is a dead man.
You must warn hIm. tell hIm not to come bacK here.
He's already dead.
I'm sorry.
We've been gIven a date by the Home OffIce
for a hearIng about your deportatIon.
ThIngs may move very quIcKly from now on.
No. I won't go. I'm not leavIng wIthout my son.
Couldn't be more sImple.
We bInd these documents together wIth the strIng. oKay?
Why?
Because that's what we do.
Yes. but why?
The strIng Keeps the documents together.
so when we're looKIng for a fIle. It's all there.
Why green?
Peter. you Know It's not actually Illegal to threaten a dead man?
Oh. they're here.
Good old Lyle.
No. no.
If I sIgn. I'll be acceptIng delIvery of the goods as per the contract.
You have to sIgn for the goods.
No. no. If they were wrong once. they could be wrong agaIn.
We want to test the goods fIrst. Don't we. Peter?
-Is good. yes? -He's very good.
-Very good. Indeed. -He's never done thIs before. you say?
So you've never been a professIonal In any sport whatsoever?
No.
Never won a car In a golf tournament. that sort of thIng?
No.
I was once gIven a bag of sweets In an under 1 1 s mIxed netball tournament.
Was It lIsted as part of the prIze or gIven ex gratIa?
No. defInItely ex gratIa. Local newsagent just gave It to us.
In that case. It was a gIft commensurate wIth the age of the competItor.
-and not a prIze of value. -What?
He Is not a professIonal.
TED: You're In.
LIttle celebratIon. I thInK. What'll you have. Mr KIngdom?
No. no. we should be goIng actually. Good.
Ah. looKIng forward to seeIng you and George wIth Aeste.
A pInt of best.
Maybe In a day or two. jacK. when I decIde you're not barred.
What are you doIng?
StrIng was borIng.
Yes. but those are actIve fIles.
Come In.
(MUMBLING)
Where Is GeorgIou?
-George. he aIn't here. -Where Is he?
-You promIsed! -And then I changed my mInd.
What's the poInt of hIm meetIng hIs mother
If she's not gonna be here much longer? It'll only confuse hIm.
You bastard!
No. no. no. Don't. It'll only count agaInst you.
I hate you!
-Peter. thIs can't go on! -You're absolutely rIght.
Lyle. get hold of the FamIly DIvIsIon and SocIal ServIces.
She wIll see her chIld.
Poor Aeste. Is jacK playIng hardball?
-He hasn't seen me In full flow. -I'm serIous. It's her or me.
Oh. yes. and we all Know who he prefers.
It's no good. Peter. I Know she's famIly.
but I spend the whole tIme puttIng everythIng rIght
that she's just undone. I'm goIng crazy!
I need her to feel part of thIngs.
It's easy for you to asK. but It's hard to actually do.
-She maKes everythIng so dIffIcult. -Would you do It for me?
OKay.
ThanK you.
Health and Safety wanna shut the tournament down.
He's worrIed the competItors mIght slIp on taKeoff and fall over.
Well. that's what the whole sport's all about. Would he lIsten?
Well. If people could resIst the urge to fInd somebody to sue
every tIme they sustaIned a small bruIse.
then thIs wouldn't be an Issue. would It?
-What exactly Is he doIng? -SomethIng to do wIth mud vIscosIty.
Well. maybe If we laId down a dIfferent surface
for the run-up and taKeoff. would that maKe a dIfference?
-The BelgIans wouldn't lIKe It. -Oh. that's good. though.
I'm all for anythIng that upsets the BelgIans.
Sorry. that's too dangerous.
I'm servIng you wIth a non-complIance notIce.
Ah. And suppose we came up wIth a plan B?
That's rIght. boy. Keep It straIght.
Sorry about our lIttle tIff earlIer.
I was wonderIng If you'd be able to photocopy these?
Of course.
You do Know how to use a photocopIer. don't you?
I love photocopyIng.
It's just there.
PETER (IN SING-SONG VOICE): DelIvery. DC Yelland.
-What Is It? -Court order.
I'll need polIce bacKup In case the chIld faIls to show.
-Well. It's not really our jurIsdIctIon. -It Is now.
Peter. you should see thIs.
The person who came KnocKIng for SImon.
You don't wanna mess wIth these people. Peter.
ThIs Is where my brother KIlled hImself sIx months ago.
-How much dId he owe you? -ThIrty.
I'm presumIng you're not a lIcensed booKmaKer
and there's no receIpts for the transactIons?
-It's a debt of honour. -That maKes It very dIffIcult for me.
Well. you see. whatever gamIng debts he ran up
are not enforceable after death. I'm not suggestIng thIs Is the case
but you do understand that anybody could come and claIm that he owed them money.
So you won't be payIng out?
Well. It's not the questIon of ''won't'' so much as ''I'm not allowed to''.
At least hIm KIllIng hImself saved all of us the bother.
There are others?
You don't Know much about your brother. do you?
It's oKay. It's oKay. George. It's oKay.
It's oKay. my angel. We'll go for a rIde.
We'll go for a rIde In here.
Tell me. Lyle. Is that any way to treat a human beIng?
You see the way her face lIt up?
One that's already been taKen for a rIde
and abused by just about every person she's ever come across.
She has these lIttle dImples when she smIles.
I never saw that before.
Twenty mInutes? Is that all she's worth?
Twenty mInutes In some sterIle room wIth her chIld.
wIth an overweIght socIal worKer In a polyester blouse for company.
The end of her nose KInd of twItches. Have you seen that?
MaKes you proud to be a laWYer. doesn't It?
-What? -Mmm?
(GEORGE CRYING)
(SOBBING) No. no. please. Please.
-No! -Aeste. come on.
-Hey. come on. -No! No!
Oh. I hope you're as pleased wIth yourself as I am wIth myself.
Oh. I should never have put you through that.
-It was unforgIvable and Inhumane. -There must be somethIng we can do?
-Water. -ThanK you.
What we really need Is a full hearIng. but Aeste has to be In the country.
And the only reason she can stay Is If she's fully entItled to be here.
If she was from an EU country or marrIed to a BrItIsh cItIzen.
thIngs would be very dIfferent.
-Well. she could be. -What?
-And then she could stay. -Oh. Lyle. I hope you're not thInKIng...
Aeste. wIll you marry me?
Have you taKen leave of your senses?
You can't start enterIng marrIages of convenIence!
-Why not? -Well. fIrstly. because It's Illegal.
and secondly. because you have to fInIsh your artIcles and become a solIcItor.
Yeah. but she's lovely.
Oh. for goodness saKe. taKe a cold shower.
Go onlIne or somethIng.
I wIll not have you bogusly marryIng our clIents!
-It's just a pIece of paper. -It's not just a...
It Is an emotIonal and legal nIghtmare!
Your career wIll be over before It had started!
She's In trouble.
How many tImes are you tellIng me Just go the extra mIle?
Why have you got to have an answer for everythIng?
Because you taught me to.
At least my way she gets to stay here and maybe see her chIld agaIn.
Your way. she's on the fIrst plane home and It's cards. bIrthdays and ChrIstmas.
And I wanna help her.
I wanna marry her and you can't stop me.
Wanna bet?
Now. whIch Is worse. a bogus marrIage or a murder?
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
No. Ted. I have not got a mInute!
I'm about to replace a weddIng wIth a funeral!
He's a sweet boy. he wants to marry me.
Yes. but do you want to marry hIm?
If It Keeps me here and I see my son. yes.
I Know It mIght seem lIKe the Ideal solutIon.
but you came over here to maKe somethIng of your lIfe and I applaud you for that.
Everyone's taKen advantage of you.
And wIth the dream seemIngly over. here comes Lyle.
as honest and decent as the day Is long.
I'm sure he's doIng It for the rIght reasons
and can lIve wIth the consequences. but the questIon Is. can you?
If you can. marry hIm.
But If you can't. I'll be proud of you.
And together we'll fInd another way.
I want that one. please.
You won't let hIm. wIll you. Peter?
-He thInKs he loves her. -There must be some way you can stop It.
So. tell me. how are you gettIng on wIth my sIster?
FIne. She's doIng all the conveyancIng photocopyIng.
Oh. excellent. ThanKs so much for goIng to the trouble.
GLORIA: What are you doIng?
PhotocopyIng.
Oh!
Oh. no!
I'm sorry.
(FIRE ALARM BEEPING)
BeatrIce! Oh. Lord.
I Know when I'm not wanted.
On the contrary. I was afraId you mIght leave.
Perhaps It's better for everyone If I dId leave.
-Better for who? -For me. for you. for her.
-Don't. -Why?
Because I need you here.
More than you'll ever Know.
(COUGHS)
jacK. we're all on the same sIde here. We all want what's best for your son.
He aIn't goIng nowhere.
Ah. well. that's the thIng. you see. he may be.
I've been doIng some dIggIng and It turns out that
because you dIdn't marry Aeste. you don't count.
What are you talKIng about? I'm hIs father.
I'm on hIs bIrth certIfIcate.
Oh. he's got a passport then. has he? A BrItIsh passport?
No. he aIn't never been abroad.
Oh. there you are. you see. that's the trouble.
Because you dIdn't marry Aeste. your son Isn't BrItIsh. he's UKraInIan.
So. If she's deported. he goes. too.
What?
You could always adopt hIm. I suppose.
Adopt hIm! He's my son!
Mmm. Well. It mIght taKe a bIt of tIme. but It would solve all your problems.
Unless. of course. Lyle decIded to adopt hIm.
How could he adopt my son?
Well. because he's gonna marry Aeste. Oh. dIdn't you Know?
Yes. yes. Yes. tomorrow mornIng at 1 0:30.
-Should be a lovely weddIng. -WeddIng?
Unless. of course.
for some InexplIcable reason someone were to expose the marrIage
for the preposterous sham It undoubtedly Is.
What?
-She does Know It's 1 0:30? -Yes. Yeah. she does.
Perhaps we should gIve her a rIng?
No. I'm sure she'll be along In a mInute.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(SIGHS) She lIKes to cut It fIne.
Stop! ThIs marrIage Is faKe!
Oh. where Is she?
GLORIA: Lyle. It's probably for the best.
I feel lIKe such an IdIot.
You ever Known anyone get stood up In a marrIage of convenIence?
No. you're rIght. that Is a fIrst.
Usually you maKe an offer lIKe thIs. you'd have brIdes fallIng over you.
Not me.
Well. she couldn't have wIshed to stand up a better chap than you. Lyle.
Perhaps that's the reason.
You're the fIrst man never to have trIed to taKe advantage of her.
So perhaps she dIdn't want to taKe advantage of you.
There's plenty more fIsh In the sea.
Yeah.
But not ex-porn stars.
jacK offered to marry me. too. but I saId no.
Yes. I'm sorry about that. I had to have some sort of bacKup polIcy
In case you dId go through wIth It wIth Lyle.
I Know.
ThIs I could not do to hIm.
I may have found a way that'll allow you to stay.
Our European frIends seem to care more about the famIly unIt than we do
and I've lodged a complaInt wIth the European Court.
Pretty certaIn they'll taKe the case. but you just have to trust the process.
A process whIch happIly lasts rather a long tIme.
You looK very handsome.
Well. my clothes mIght.
That's because I've been to a weddIng. You should've been there.
In fact. you should've been there.
-GIve my love to Lyle. -Why don't you?
(ALL APPLAUDING)
TED: It's your fault. If you'd have let hIm marry her.
he'd be leapIng lIKe a castrated pIglet.
Well. you're the one who wanted hIm In the team.
And If he don't maKe thIs jump. them Danes have won agaIn.
Come on. Lyle. just one jump!
(CROWD CHEERING)
MAN: Come on. come on! Go on!
Always next year. I suppose.
-I want the fIle on ChrIstopher Waller. -RIght.
Can't fInd It. Don't Know what she's done wIth It.
SImple. When you Know where to looK.
He was a clIent of SImon's. wasn't he. ChrIstopher Waller?
Yes. Why. what's the urgency?