It's not a travelogue.
You're actually going to see two men slowly decompose.
In 2014, entertainer Micky Flanagan and bricklayer Noel Lynch left South London
to follow cycling's greatest heroes
on a detour of France.
Come on, let's go. OK.
I'm not a massive fan of travelling.
A five-week opus to meet some of Europe's most charismatic personalities.
I can throw the cat.
The chickens are safe.
They drank. I'll get a few bottles. Just 12 will do.
You turn... They cycled... occasionally.
You get a nice, cold shower at the stadium. Really?
Have you ever had one wake up? Ever heard one go, "Waaah"?
They drank some more.
To Great Britain.
One for all. All for one. I like that one.
We're going on a jolly-up.
And now...
Now they want to go home.
We've all been tired. We all know the difference between being tired because you've had a late night
and tired because you sort of want to go home and you're...
But that's the difference between the entertainer and the normal human being.
The entertainer pushes through. LAUGHTER
Marseille.
Ah, Marseille!
The hard-edged port. Its people are often transient.
But those that remain love their home town.
This city is the uncut jewel of the south,
a harbour town where the air hangs with the spices of southern climes
and the promise of possibilities.
Welcome to Marseille! CHEERING
Once a place full of prowling sailors,
the city has now been tamed.
But Les Marseillais still know how to handle themselves.
Here, the ancient martial art of savate lives on.
Come on then. Let's have it! Let's have it...! Yeah, all right.
LAUGHTER
I'll have your minces, mate.
All right...
Savate, l'enfant terrible of street-fighting and kickboxing, dates back to the 19th century
when Marseillian sailors would hold on to rigging while having nautical tussles.
I think they got who was in charge.
When we walked in, there was a steely atmosphere in the gym.
They looked across and went, "Look who's arrived."
LAUGHTER
What's funny?
We took the girls on and the littler ones as well.
There were a couple of big ones. I said, "No, you're having a laugh. I'll have that little one."
You have no idea who you're dealing with, love.
Kill her.
Try a bit!
Don't get in the corner. Oh!
WHISTLE BLOWS
Oh! LAUGHTER
I grew up in a world where women were sugar and spice and all things nice.
They didn't punch you in the face.
Oh!
'Men don't fight women.'
You just surrender. At about 12, you start giving in.
Then by the time you're 20, it's all over, really.
You just... "What do you want?
"I'm sorry I'm not good enough."
LAUGHTER
"Yeah, I'm sorry you're unfulfilled. It's my fault."
It looks like a proper city after being in some really quiet places.
There are people from all over the world here. Staring at us. We haven't had that for a while.
Do you think you ever get used to it? I don't know. Do you? Do I? Yeah. I like it though.
Yeah, I know. No-one recognised you for half an hour! That's true.
A stage, look. Are you going to go up and do a quick turn? Go on.
What's your opening line? We are all gathered here today...
Nothing. No?
I've lost it. Yeah, I know.
From the 02 to this.
Drink? Yes.
It is Friday night... This is what I'm saying. ...in Marseille.
To not be drinking now... I've had the shit kicked out of me by a couple of birds. I deserve a beer.
What about Marseille? What I've seen of it, I like it a lot. I like it. I'd like to be here longer.
In fact, I might sell the bike.
And stay. Sell the bike and make a life here. I'll explain everything when we get home.
Marseille is supposed to be a bit dangerous.
There might be the chance of getting in trouble, but there's also the chance of having fun here.
SIREN WAILS Just as you're talking about that...
We're coming back. Definitely, yeah.
Vive la France! Vive la difference!
Vive la France!
LAUGHTER
Vive la France.
That's a closer, I think.
Marseille is a city built by dockers,
generations of calloused hands.
Christian and Guillaume work together on Marseille's dock as men,
but come together at sunset over a game of petanque as father and son.
OK, we can play now.
# Je pense a toi, mon amour, ma bien aimee
♪ Ne m'abandonne pas, mon amour... ♪
Why not? Not bad.
You can play now.
Full on. Full on. Oh, too far. Too far.
What are the benefits of living in Marseille? The sun.
The sun. The mix of, uh... Ethnicity? Yeah.
We've noticed. This is one of the first towns we've come to where we see people from all over the world.
Different colours, different religions. African, North African. It's a mix.
Get in! Leave it out.
You can have one more. OK.
Because I'm from London, this seems very much like London.
I grew up near the dock of London. My dad was a docker. So am I.
His dad was a docker. So am I.
What about Marseille? Are the docks still very active?
Now slowly, slowly, slowly.
At the beginning, we were 5.000 dockers.
How many dockers are there now?
Around 500. 500?
Swear words. What about swear words?
If you do a bad shot, you say, "Oh, fuck!" Putain.
Putain! Putain! Oh, putain! Merde!
Merde, shit. I know that one, yeah. -Please!
Don't swear in front of your... Do you always swear in front of your father?
It's disgusting for a docker.
Yeah!
Whoa-oa! Oh, no.
Are there any strippers' clubs here?
Yes, there is... MICKY SINGS "The Stripper"
But, uh... MICKY LAUGHS LOUDLY
There is. I don't know all the strip clubs. Of course you don't.
But there is... It's for my friend Noel. He likes to go there.
He likes to see the strippers.
He's a pervert. No.
What about yourself?
Did your dad play any games?
No, not really. Cards maybe? No.
We just... We just drink together, really. Yeah.
Do you hug your dad? No.
No? No. I do.
Give him a big bear hug.
Do you want to try and hug MY dad?
He'd say, "What are you doing, you dozy bastard?"
I think it's nice to sort of have... I don't...
Some people are embarrassed to do that, but they shouldn't be.
I don't think it's necessarily embarrassment. It's just not what they did.
And their fathers didn't hug them.
And they never really, possibly learnt how to do it or...
And they never broke that circle of distance.
You know that distance fathers have from their sons?
The classic is when someone's been away for a year travelling
and they phone home and the dad goes, "Yeah, OK, I'll get your mother",
because he can't... Express himself?
Just talk to his own children and...
It's just a shame because it's a missed opportunity... To talk together.
To play petanque. And have a beer.
I'm going to take those petanque balls home and walk into my dad and go, "Dad, what do you reckon?"
He'll go, "Fuck off, will you?"
# Je pense a toi, mon amour, ma bien aimee
♪ Ne m'abandonne pas, mon amour, ma cherie... ♪
Marseille's love of the Mediterranean bounty is beyond compare.
And at the three Michelin-star Le Petit Nice restaurant, that love is an obsession.
Each morning, the restaurant's patron Gerald heads to the city port
where chefs jostle for the freshest fare.
But Gerald is looking for something extra.
At 160 euros, his bouillabaisse is reputedly the most expensive bowl of soup in France.
So, when suddenly you're sitting in the best restaurant in Marseille,
having bouillabaisse cooked for you by the top chef,
there's part of you that thinks, "This'll do."
So, I understand you serve the best bouillabaisse in town?
Watch the step.
'If someone would have told me that one day...' I'll sit over there.
..you'll be getting paid to get drunk at lunchtime,
I'd have said to them, "There is no way I'm joining the police force."
How many times do you say "thank you"?
I say it nearly every time they come and do something which is too much.
I think you say a great, big "thank you" at the beginning... "Thank you. Merci." Then afterwards, you don't.
If you're getting served all the time, you can't go, "Thank you, thank you." It annoys them as well.
I bet the pudding's just a trout with some cream squirted in it or something.
Hmm!
Hmm! Do you ever see that thing where you buy a pint of winkles
and you all sit there watching the telly on a Sunday night, eating these winkles?
You put the black bits all over your face, so you end up watching Esther Rantzen, covered in winkle things.
That's Life (!) LAUGHS LOUDLY
Remember that Percy fellow who was on there?
"Coming up next, a lady from Norfolk who has sent us a potato that looks like a paedophile."
Oh! Oh, I like a dome, don't you?
Voila! There you are, gentlemen.
Hmm!
Oh, that's fantastic. That's good.
Oh, man, that is so good, that lobster.
Here we have it. Oh!
Is this the washing-up?
Blimey!
It's a bit scary, innit?
This is, uh... Wow!
Here you are then, gentlemen.
This is the last step of the bouillabaisse. This is the real bouillabaisse.
OK. Merci.
Well, bon appetit, as they say. Bon appetit.
Did you know, um, Marseille... This is its sort of signature dish.
Is there where it originates from? I think so.
You know if you go to Cornwall, you get a pasty.
If you go to Glasgow, you get a kicking.
It's automatic. Yeah, yeah.
And this is meant to be THE bouillabaisse as well.
Oh!
It's really nice. It is really nice, innit?
Yeah, yeah. Oh!
That is... Oh! Hmm! ...orgasm city, innit?
How does this rank in your best meals? Is it up there? It's up there. Is it?
I'd have to say definitely one of my most memorable meals, this is.
Yeah. A-ha!
Hello. Nice to meet you. Merci, monsieur.
Bonjour. Did you enjoy my dish? Fantastic. Beyond enjoyment.
Delicieux. Absolutely delicious. Thank you. Yeah, fantastic.
It was in the area of ecstasy. Yeah, we are comparing it maybe to sex.
Yeah? Yeah, yeah.
It's that good. Not with you, obviously.
LAUGHTER I hope so.
There's only so much we expect from our chef. Do not shock me. Please.
It is superb. Absolutely. Thank you so much. Thank you. Bon appetit.
Cheers. Keep up the great work. Thank you so much. Have a good afternoon. Thank you. All the best.
Well, I'm going to have to give it ten out of ten.
You couldn't... Even though you were disappointed to only have one prawn.
That dog's hanging about for a little bit of fish. He's not stupid. That dog's got good taste.
Back to yours?
What, on that? The only thing you're going to get is a nap!
# Hallelujah
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, halle-lujah... ♪
Welcome to the sanctuary of Our Lady of Lourdes.
Your immediate reaction is, "Am I in a wheelchair?"
No. Then why are we going there?
You know, what condition is it you think I've got that we need to go to Lourdes for?
Am I covered in scurvy or something?
♪ Come now, Virginia Don't let me wait... ♪
There has always been a great tradition of deities appearing in front of young girls in France.
In Lourdes, in 1858, it was the Virgin Mary
who appeared in front of a young girl called Bernadette,
after which the town started to prosper
as tourists came looking for miracle cures to various ailments.
# Only the good die young
# That's what I said
# Only the good die young
♪ Only the good die young... ♪
A little look-about?
Yeah, yeah. I'll follow your lead.
♪ Souvenirs, souvenirs Je vous retrouve dans mon coeur... ♪
My mum said, "If you're coming here, you've got to get me something." I'll get her holy water as well.
People come from all over the world. That was the one bit that worried me a little bit,
that people were spending huge amounts of money to come to this place,
to go and see where the, um... where, um...
Margaret Rutherford appeared.
♪ Souvenirs, souvenirs De nos beaux jours de l'ete... ♪
That's what most people come here for - the water. That's the biggest we can see.
What is the biggest container of water you can bring home? And handy if you break down.
And you've got to get some petrol. What would be the choice? Getting home or keeping the holy water?
They don't sell the water, so you have to buy the empty container.
You can't get away from the fact that's a bit odd - a gallon of holy water!
Shall we move on? With shops like this, if you don't get one in that shop, there's 4.000 others.
I've not seen anything yet.
I'm sure something will appear.
This is the place for appearances. MICKY LAUGHS
What are these all about? What's going on here? No idea. Some of it's got nothing to do with religion.
It's just odd, innit?
Hello. Hello there.
What would be the difference between getting one of these and getting one of these chaps up here...
Chaps? Chaps?
Jesus, I believe he is. I think his name is Jesus.
You'd have to hold that by the lamp for about half an hour to get it fully luminous. That's the fun.
When you turn off the bedroom light and you're lying there thinking,
"Shall I go to work tomorrow, shall I call in sick",
you can look at him and go, "No, I'm going in." Exactly.
I would. You probably wouldn't. I wouldn't. What about that one? That looks quite nice.
Can I buy this one, please?
Yes. Very nice. It's a good choice. Yeah. It's just a bit different.
I think... Thank you very much.
Yeah, I think my mum will like that one.
I got a real sense that the people there were helping each other deal with the problems that they had.
That was lovely.
But a lighter, really, with Jesus on it?
You do start thinking, "Come on, people!"
♪ Free ride... ♪
The Tour de France takes in many of her nation's treasures,
but her wine is the most revered,
the jewel of which comes from the Bordeaux region
that sits awkwardly on the Bay of Biscay.
♪ All over the country, I've seen it the same... ♪
You notice their villages are like a mile apart?
Yeah. You come out of one, then a mile later, you're in another one.
It hardly seems worth it, does it? Yeah.
♪ Come on and take a free ride... ♪
Paris already (!)
HORN BLARES
That's tight. You see how close that was? Yeah. What a wanker!
Chateau Mouton-Rothschild, one of the great wine dynasties.
Its claret is considered the finest in the world.
We're back on the drink again. Thank God! Someone get the wine out.
That's what it felt a bit like to me. We're going back into wine country. It was really good.
We're coming into the nerve centre now, the core of where it all happens.
What does that smell like? It's like your living room after a good night. LAUGHTER
Red wine gives you that pounding sort of headache
where you just want to hit yourself in the face with something.
They say never mix the grape... Grape and the grain.
I just think that's an excuse for drinking too much. Yeah.
People drink a bottle of vodka, five pints of strong lager, three glasses of wine and they go,
"Oh, I went grape with the grain, didn't I?"
"Oh, you didn't go grape with the grain, did you, Tel?
"It's a wonder you didn't smash someone's face."
A stickler for tradition,
Chateau Mouton-Rothschild is the last of the houses
to ferment its wine in hand-crafted oak caskets.
BEATS CASKS AND SINGS AFRICAN-STYLE SONG
Ladysmith Black Mambazo.
I love singing like an African, don't you? Look how clean it is.
It is clean, innit? It's spotless. Imagine a factory in the UK. There'd be crisp packets everywhere.
I think we're getting to the point now where they're ready for consumption.
I think as you get further and deeper and deeper and higher into the building...
I've never seen so much wine in one place.
You ain't been round my house on a Saturday. Ha-ha-ha!
Time moves slower in wine country.
Here grapes are hand-plucked from aged vines
and the wine rests for up to 20 months,
a process to be savoured.
We're going to watch a film in here about the family.
Come in.
SNIGGERING
'Hello.' Hello. 'I'm Philippine de Rothschild and I'm very happy to welcome you...
'Now we have moved forward to 1922.' Slow down, love. That was quick.
'Then in the early 1960s...' It gets on your nerves in the end, doesn't it?
'It was one which my father had created in partnership with Robert Mondavi.'
Robert Mugabe? Is that what she said? With Robert Mugabe?
'That is why in the 1990s...'
It's like being trapped to the world's biggest wine bore. I'll need a drink after watching this, I think.
CLASSICAL MUSIC Oh, yeah, this sounds like the finale now.
'Mouton-Rothschild, a sovereign among its subjects...'
MUSIC ENDS
MICKY SIGHS
It's like being kicked in the face three or four times every minute to keep you awake.
It was even duller than I thought it would be.
Wahey! At last!
Merci.
All right. We'll see if I can...
The colour and the smell.
I met a woman down the pub once and she used to drink this all the time. She was about 70.
They ended up calling her Mouton.
But she used to wear really young clothes, you know?
They said she was Mouton dressed as lamb. OK.
Yeah, that's nice. I like that.
That'd go nicely with... Very long finish. Very long after-taste.
Thank you, Sylvain. Very, very nice.
You've made our long, long journey very, very worthwhile.
We've been walking around in here for three days now, looking for you.
♪ Gonna run like the wind... ♪
The Louvre, Musee d'Orsay,
the Pompidou Centre are just some of the touchstones
that make France an epicentre for art.
They don't want to overtake you here. No. They must like your arse. He's enjoying ze view.
But only those with a true thirst for the cultural "ephemere"
will head to the small rural commune of Nay.
You know when people use the word "quintessential"?
With the British you've got a cup of tea.
The French have got the beret.
The Australians have got racism.
'You know you've hit rock-bottom when you go to a Beret Museum.'
You know you're struggling for stuff to do when you're looking at a hat
that's been polished.
I'd rather slip than mark all their floors with our cycling shoes. I suppose so.
As a sign of respect, whenever you enter the Beret Museum, you take off your shoes. OK. I'm very respectful.
Look what we've got over here - the Virgin Mary.
LAUGHTER Boom! We can leave the building.
Did you know this is the only Beret Museum in the world? You're joking?
I thought there'd be one in every city. You wouldn't think so much work went into making a beret.
No. Look, that's a bit of you, that.
LAUGHTER
Or that way. What way do you wear a beret? I don't know. I think there's different ways of wearing them.
That's the John Merrick way. I'd wear it like that. "I am not an elephant. I am a human being."
"Don't you love me?"
These are what they make the beret with. This is where they wash 'em. This is where they dye 'em.
This is where they press 'em. I've picked it up quickly.
This is where they polish 'em. Look, it says "teasing".
I bet you wish you were "trilby", don't ya?
I bet you'd love to be a bowler hat.
I wonder what the little bit on top is? See that little bit? Is that to take it off with?
Like that? I can see people listening to me if I wore it like this.
If I came out saying, "Listen, guys.
"Guys...
"Guys... Guys!"
Oh, for God's sake!
How much is this beret? 39. How much? 39. 39.
39 euros. Is that your best price?
Yeah. Yeah. The best quality too. Is it the best quality one? Trust me to choose the best quality one.
Merci beaucoup. Au revoir. Au revoir.
I like your hat, by the way. You're very, very attractive. Merci.
All right, come on out, you. All right. I've been away too long.
Don't forget your shoes.
LAUGHTER
There have been over 100 Tours de France.
And all of them have ended here.
# You, you, doo-doo-doo
# You belong to me now
# Ain't gonna set you free now
# When those girls start hanging around
# Talking me down
# Hear with your heart and you won't hear a sound
# Just stop...
# Cos I really love you
# Stop
# I'll be thinking of you
♪ Look in my heart and let love keep us together... ♪
Paris - the most elegant city on Earth.
Like a capricious lover, she invites and rebuffs in equal measures.
♪ Some day your looks will be gone... ♪
A city of thinkers, poets and painters
where great dreams have begun and ended.
# I will, I will, I will
♪ I will... ♪
Welcome to Paris, the city of lovers.
We're feeling tired, but slightly elated.
We've come to the end. We've made it.
You know, I suppose it's along the same lines as Mandela
when he was released.
You know, we'd done our time and we were being freed.
You always have to wave on a boat. Try a couple.
No, miserable bastard.
There's Paris there, look. A man on a bench with a bottle of wine.
He's thinking.
I bet he is a writer, an artist, a philosopher... Yes.
A politician possibly. Uh-huh.
Yet he threw it all away, so he could lie on that bench and just have a little lay-down and a think.
Madame, don't walk on by. Don't stand in the door. Come in, as they say. Merci beaucoup. Merci.
It's a country that says, "You're coming to France. We're not coming to you.
"You're coming to France. Get on board. This is the way we do things. You ain't gonna change it.
"You ain't gonna start waving your money around and turn us into a bunch of deferring jump-abouts."
Once you get used to the fact that French people say, "You chose to come here...
"We didn't come to you and close at four o'clock and stop serving dinner at 9.30.
"You came here and that's what we do.
"If you don't like it, go anywhere else in the world, but don't drive me mad." Yeah, yeah.
Everyone's so polite, it's quite wearing. You find that wearing?
"Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour. Bonsoir, bonsoir." Hello? You find "hello" wearing? All the time.
Let's cut out a bit of the politeness and up the service a bit.
People say that when you're tired of dining out in Paris, you're tired of life
and in this city, the finest cuisine is served to those prepared to be patient.
This is a bit... Bit up-market for you. A bit poncey.
"A portion of pink shrimps from Madagascar?" I'll ask them just for a sandwich. That's what I'll do.
You'll ask them for a sandwich? See how you get on with that. Yeah.
I'll enjoy that, seeing you ask for a sandwich. It's the same word. "Une sandwich, s'il vous plait."
Not baguette? Nah. Sandwich.
Can he have a sandwich? I'll do all of that. Sandwich?
MICKY LAUGHS
I just want a sandwich. Sandwich? S'il vous plait. With cheese, with ham? Ham.
Ham? And cheese. S'il vous plait. OK. Merci beaucoup.
Can I have a ham sandwich? Thank you.
I'm going to see how irritated you get before this sandwich turns up.
What's your levels of irritation now? Give me a marker. Seven. Seven already? Yeah.
When are we going to start maxing out on the irritation? It's five to now.
Would you expect it in the next five minutes? Yes. You would? Yes.
How irritated will you be if you don't get it in five minutes?
You know what I'm like. I know you'll get annoyed, but will it spoil the whole experience?
The whole experience of Paris? Having a sandwich. Not at all. But I just don't like being...
A sandwich, for God's sake! Ham and cheese. How complicated can it get?
The minute you complain... If you start saying, "Where's my sandwich", we'll still be here at four o'clock.
I've gone past my five minutes, haven't I?
I've been distracted.
Oh, no. You see? That's what I was trying to do.
So, 20 past. Give me your annoyance levels now if we get to 20 past. It's gone past eight now.
The alcohol's brought me back down. It's levelling you out. It's simmered me down.
You know why I think it's taking so long? No.
Because we went off-piste. Right. Because it wasn't on the menu?
The chef is now in there thinking, "Who the hell doesn't think anything on my menu is good enough to eat?
"What sort of moron is out there asking for a sandwich now?
"I've worked my bones off to get to this position and you're asking me to make a ham sandwich?"
And cheese. Yeah. So, that's why you have been put on the "dickhead" pile.
The ticket's there. Yeah, it's got "customers with style, customers who know what they're talking about,
"customers who we care about,
"arseholes..." Who want a sandwich.
In the same area as possibly "English".
We've got nothing going for us. We are two men who have asked for two sandwiches
in a Parisian cafe on a Saturday in a chic area and we're English.
We deserve to be served. What do you think is going to happen?
You're looking at the... LAUGHTER
You're secretly hoping that it doesn't turn up. I'm not that wicked.
Oh, here we go. Ah!
Merci, madame.
Merci beaucoup. Voila.
Bon appetit. What's the first thing that strikes you about this?
It's plain. No, it's not a sandwich.
It's not a sandwich? No, it's a baguette.
You wanted like a Sunblest white bread sandwich in Paris?
I did say "sandwich".
And I said to you "baguette". There is no sandwiches in... They know the word "sandwich" in France.
That wasn't a very good idea, was it?
No. They're a bit chewy, ain't they?
Ah, Paris! Paris is a city that thrives on its visitors.
But as the French capital, it is also home to some 12 million citizens.
Unlike their London counterparts, however, a Parisian's home is not a semi-detached castle.
It is a grand facade of apartments, of cheek-by-jowl proximity and unspoken living arrangements.
You know when you're walking along in a city and you look up at a window,
unless you know people there, you never get to know what goes on behind closed...
♪ No-one knows what goes on behind closed doors... ♪
And it was a great opportunity to find out what goes on behind closed doors in Paris.
La Madeleine
in the 8th arrondissement.
Home to Sophie Rastoin Sandoz,
a resident for 38 years.
Born into cosseted wealth of the Marseille elite,
she was a debutante with different ideas,
a free spirit who, at 21, found herself in Paris,
estranged from the bosom of her family.
Here, there were lovers and career changes.
She married for love...
three times.
♪ Watching the night with me... ♪
It does smell of piss. Yeah. I know it's "Gay Par-ee". I didn't know it was "Gay Pissy Par-ee". Green door.
Monsieur... Blimey!
The only lift in Paris you've got to step outside to change your mind...
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. LAUGHTER
Can you get your furniture up here?
That weren't a "4", surely. That can't be "4".
No, I've got to go again. Mind your fingers.
Breathe in.
Don't fart in here.
KNOCKS GENTLY
Too much? I don't know. Too keen?
Hello. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour.
Lovely to meet you, Madame Rastoin. Bonjour. Je m'appelle Noel.
Bonjour. Moi, je m'appelle Sophie.
Here you have the lounge.
I like your hats, Sophie. Yeah? You like my hat?
I like this one. Can I try this? Yeah, try it.
Yeah, that's a bit of you, that is.
Sophie, come for tea, please! LAUGHTER
That is a bit of you. I can't get over how creaky it is in here. We have wood everywhere.
Do your neighbours ever complain, if you have 18 people here...?
Listen, we could... we all could complain,
but we all have the same problem.
You have to have tolerance. Yes, of course, because we adore this style.
So, we know that there is some... If you want to live like this, you have to put up with certain things. Yeah.
You've got to wear slippers. No, no, I will not. You don't like slippers?
LAUGHTER
No, of course, I will not... MIMICS STAMPING SOUND
But I don't wear slippers. No? Never. No question.
You can't get chic slippers.
That is Encyclopedie de Diderot. You heard from Diderot?
Diderot? Diderot, yeah. No. I know it's a serpent.
Yeah. Yeah. A symbol of life.
Is it? A friend of mine says that it is symbol of sex.
The snake? Yeah, well, I see where he's going with that one. Maybe.
The snake comes out. Whee! Trouser snake.
So, you have a long corridor. How do you call this place?
Corridor. Hallway.
So, here was the kitchen.
And here was the bedroom of the cooker.
Sophie, do you have a boyfriend or a lover?
Yes, I have. And...?
Have you ever had an English lover?
If I have had an English lover? Yes.
Are they any good? Do you want me to leave? No, I'm just...
Because I'm quite interested in what French women think
of English men. About English men.
Generally. I don't want to get personal.
I don't know if I am an example, but I adore English men.
Really?
Like that. LAUGHTER
In the city of amour, lovers young and old
head to the Pont des Arts.
Here, the couples scour for a space
to clasp their lock, a symbol of their hearts entwined,
then fling the key deep into the River Seine.
With over 700.000 locks, the bridge is heavy with romance.
There must be a space. There's got to be a way.
How selfish is that? Look!
They've branched off. There's always a breakaway group, isn't there?
Group love. Probably some sort of dogging set.
Well, there's one there. Look. You could probably get it in there.
Yeah? But first things first. We need to write on it.
I'm going to put "Micky" at the top, "Noel". We'll put the date across the bottom. Yeah.
Then we'll put something on the other side, yeah?
Right. You've got to put your name on the bottom there. OK.
Don't start me off!
LAUGHTER
# Tell me now
♪ Is it so...? ♪
I think "France, 2014".
It's fairly clear where we are, innit?
"BFF."
What's that? "Best Friends Forever." Aw!
Me to you, Tel. Me to you.
♪ I need your love... ♪
Are you in yet? LAUGHTER
♪ I want your love... ♪
We're locked. Are we in? We're locked.
# Say you're in love
♪ In love with this guy... ♪
It's been emotional.
♪ If not, I'll just die... ♪
It was genuinely nice
to see that even after five weeks, we were still getting on like a house on fire.
That was it. It was the only thing we didn't have to think about.
We had a good, old-fashioned bromance.
I liked Noel when we went and when I come back, I like him even more. It's as simple as that.
# When the wheels come down
# When the wheels touch ground
# And you feel like it's all over
# There's another round for you
# When the wheels come down
# When the wheels touch ground
# And you feel like it's all over
# There's another round for you
# When the wheels come down
♪ When the wheels come down... ♪
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
www.prijevodi-online.org