I'll open a big fat carton of whoop-ass on ya and a can of...piss!
'Tonight, we're going behind the scenes, on the set,
'and bringing you the bits you weren't meant to see from Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet of Crisps.'
YES!
'There'll be banter...' What is wrong with...? You're shit!
'A few tears...'
That was one of the funniest things I've ever seen...
'And a great deal of laughter.'
He's passed wind! He's farted!
'So sit back, crack a can and grab some potato-based bar snacks.
'This is Two Pints Outtakes.
'If Two Pints was royalty, there'd be commemorative plates by now
'because 2011 marks the tenth anniversary of the show.'
There ain't many shows that can say they've been going ten years.
'In 80 episodes, we've seen these loveable characters grow up,
'freak out and fall into bed with each other.
'But some of the best moments were the ones that never made it onto telly - the fluffed lines
'and the scenes that just fell apart. In ten years, there've been more than 1,000 of them.'
I've met nuns that could out-drink you. That sister in manyernans... Manyernans?!
'Ten years - you'd think we'd get better at it.'
Bleurgh! What?
Did you think when we were looking into each others' eyes, we'd end up here?
No. I think it would end up... Oh, fuck me!
You get less for aggravated assault, don't you?
Ooh, the things I'm gonna do to you...
'Last series' finale was a cliff-hanger, where you, the viewer,
'got to decide whether injured Gaz would stay with Janet or go back to Donna.'
'We shot two endings, so we didn't know until we saw it go out.'
You can do everything in your power
to make this work, or... "get every single thing". Fuck it! I got that wrong. Sorry.
'I've rang Will and I said, "Do you know what happens?'
He said, "Yeah, it's me and you." And I cried.
I don't know why I did that cos it's stupid. It's a made-up thing.
"You can do everything for me, absolutely everything."
Will Mellor's next to me and he's got no top on. I can't remember what I'm saying!
She got really emotional, which was a bit of a shock.
'It's weird what happens when you've been in the show that long.'
You realise the audience are on your side. It was nice for her.
Right then. Scratch me balls.
OK.
Did I just touch your balls then? Yes!
'So we've said goodbye to Janet, who's taken Baby Corinthian to Milton Keynes.'
Knock yourself out!
'And ciao to Louise, who's joined a moon worshipping cult.'
What was she thinking?
I mean, Milton Keynes?!
It's changed a lot, but it's still Two Pints.
Mates?! Wait, I've got to say my line first.
'But now the show has two brand-new faces, Georgia Henshaw and Freddie Hogan. What fine faces they are,
'Carrying on the rich Two Pints tradition of messing up!'
Aargh! So sorry!
So can I live with ya?
Disaster!
'People have seen Two Pints Outtakes.
'It just brings all the facade down.'
I'm just a jolly barman. No-one listens... No-one wants...
It's like the plague, this!
'It's just infectious, seeing someone go... It's like hysteria.'
It's bad, really bad.
'Gaz's car crash put him in a wheelchair,
'so Will Mellor got to learn some new tricks.'
Sorry. I just reversed into her. Sorry!
It was great. I learnt to do wheelies.
'He does a balance and spins round and sees how fast he can go.'
I watched something last night that shows that wheelchair people
are the coolest people ever.
This film here... Fucker!
I'm sorry. I got my fingers stuck.
He proper loved messing around in that.
Fucking stuck!
'There's an episode where Gaz pimps his ride and I got a horn...'
Me and this chair, we're going to win that gold.
We are! And then we'll be famous. They'll ask us on Top Gear.
HORN HONKS Oops!
'For some reason, I was practising how to do the noise,'
but I couldn't do it without pulling this face and Natalie cracked up.
Do your impression! He does the best impression of that siren ever.
I'll do it for you. It goes like this.
Ho-hoo! Ho-hoo!
Ho-hoo!
'See the face? What a looker. Ho-hoo!'
HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY
Right. Let's go... I laughed for about an hour
when he did that in rehearsal. One of the funniest things I've seen!
'He was working on it for hours,'
trying to get the tone of it right.
Trying to get it ri... Hoo-hoo! Trying to... No, that was too high.
Trying... Absolutely brilliant!
'Will's chair was a constant source of outtakes
'and a constant source of surprises.'
That's... Someone's filled it up for real.
Oh, don't worry about it. I won't drink too much, I'll be pissed! Wa-hey!
Never had it, don't lose it! Still got it!
I did get a bit annoyed in some of the episodes that he spent quite a lot of time sitting down
and I had to spend a lot of time standing up, which wasn't great, as we're all getting older.
Have a look at this. So get out...
Get up to... I know! He can walk!
I'm getting into this!
'I had people pushing me round.'
"I'm getting into character." It's just cos I was lazy.
Come on, Gaz. Let's go home, eh?
Oh, yeah. Come on.
The finishing line's coming with us.
'It's been a big series for Timothy Claypole, played by Luke Gell.'
Shimmy-shimmy step!
'He's got a sister,
'a boyfriend
'and a new cravat.'
You pervert! What are you into? Fisting, rimming, shrimping?!
Shrimping...? It's sucking someone's toes. It's... Fucking hell!
I feel like I'm in the King's Speech. I was...
'But the first day back in studio was a bit of a 'mare for Luke, as he struggled to nail his lines.'
I am brilliant,
business is booming... I've discovered a... Oh, bleurgh!
Sorry.
And as a Brucie Bonus, I've got my two happiest customers back.
Yes. It's as if...
'The first episode, I was thinking,'
"Right, I'm going to go for this," you know...
And I just completely went blank.
Look at you guys. You look great, Gaz!
You... You... Fffff-uck!
'Luckily, his co-stars were there to give him support.'
When Luke goes wrong, he panics and I can see the fear and I love it,
cos I think, "Here we go."
I've got my two happiest customers back...
Yes, it's as if...
..everything... What is wrong with...? You're shit, that's what!
I just could not get my lines right at all. It was awful.
I knew my lines. I was just nervous.
What is it? Pick on Luke night?
Every night is pick on Luke night.
'We do pick on Luke...quite a bit,'
but that's because we really like him.
We wouldn't do it if we didn't really like him.
We just want him to be a better person and it's our job to tell him
how to be a better person... No, it's funny. He has the best reactions. That's why.
'There's an app here which will help me leek...loc... Fuck's sake!'
WILL MELLOR SHOUTS OFFSTAGE No, Will...
'It's all out of love.'
I love Luke Gell. I think he's hilarious, plays Tim great,
'but yeah, I enjoy taking the Mick out of him. It's funny.'
Is it too late to fucking get rid of him?
If you ever come and threaten my friends again, I'll open a big fat carton of whoop-ass on ya
and a big fat carton of bitch slap!
I'll open a big fat carton of this, a big fat carton of that.
I still can't explain why I get things wrong. I just panic!
I'll open a big fat carton of whoop-ass on ya and a...can of piss!
Fucking get on with it, will you?
'Freddie Hogan joined the cast, playing Billy McCormack.
'Two Pints was Freddie's big break and his first ever TV role.'
You dozy sod!
'I'd describe Billy as a charming,'
dopey...you know, silly...
I always like to help out a lady in distress. Ah!
He's a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
Trying to work everything out... And understanding what's going on.
'I think Freddie got Billy down to a T. I think he sort of...'
He's a lot like Billy.
He's a lot more like Billy than he thinks he is, I'll tell you that!
Thanks, Billy. Bye.
If you need a hand with anything, and Will...
What? Gaz!
I don't think I'm much like him. I'd like to think I'm a little bit sharper than him.
Excuse me? If I do this, I get to kill two birds with one stone.
It's two stones with one bird, isn't it? Shit! No, two birds with one stone.
Can we do that again? How would you kill two stones with one bird?!
It does happen!
'In Freddie's mind, it's constantly playing Little Spanish Flea,'
♪ Doo-doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo doo. ♪
He has a tendency to maybe forget some of the lines, as we all do. We all do it.
Billy MCormack, you get back here now.
LITTLE SPANISH FLEA PLAYS I've forgotten me line.
'But even when Freddie does get his lines right,
'sometimes his accent can get in the way.'
'Freddie's accent is very strong'
and it's like "ach ach ach-ach" and then you go, "What did he say?"
Sounds just like my dad. Even if I hadn't gone anywhere,
at least I'd know I tried to do the thing that I love. Even I didn't understand what you fucking said!
Did you understand that?!
I didn't have a fucking clue and I know the lines!
'Freddie's like, "No. I'm achtually, very well speauchen for a Liverpool...'
"I mean, they think I'm quite RP down in Liverpool."
Right, really crisp, clear! You sound just like the Queen, Freddie!
You have to grate the cheese to get it like that. I was willing to make the extra effort, since...
..it's for you. That didn't make no fucking sense. So fucking what!
It made no fucking sense.
"Right then, it's me, all right then." "Sorry, Freddie?"
He can't help being Scouse, leave him alone.
'He's a Manc, so I don't care what he has to say.'
But sometimes, I couldn't understand meself, I was speaking that quickly.
The energy will get to me and to Billy and sometimes it'll spill over.
I do genuinely need some help now.
'It all starts with a script that the pesky writers make up with their wordy words,
'all set out in a particular order, they call sentences that you're supposed to learn off by heart.'
I don't even know me line.
'It's a real minefield for the actors.'
Gwa... Nah!
I dunno!
Just lines and stuff!
You might think you may why...
Sorry.
The reason why I go wrong is because I think I've not got it word for word and I like to get it.
But some actors like to do it...themselves, write it themselves. We've got a writer for that!
You can handle anything. Late nights, early mornings,
poo, piss, poo, shit, shite, cacky...
Sorry, upstairs. I had to throw it in.
I know I don't deserve Billy. He's like...an angel.
And I'm like...a duronic beanum... Bleurgh! What?!
What's that?
For someone who's happy, you ain't half giving me...shit! That's not the right line.
You ain't half nagging me.
For someone who's happy, you weren't half nagging me.
Oh... Oh, fuck off, Will!
I'll see if they can give Billy another trial. After all...
"I'll see if I can get them..."
I'll see if I can get them to give Billy another trial. Even they know the fucking lines now!
'Somebody stumbles over their words,'
the chances exponentially increase you'll stumble over your words.
Plus it was a chance to... Oh, shit. I fucked my lines up.
So it can be infectious. You have to breathe in the calm.
So the... Oh, fuck it! You've passed it on to me!
When you've got a line that you've got to say at a pace to make it funny and it's a tongue-twister...
You do it in rehearsals, no problems. As soon as the audience comes in, a bit of nervous tension,
and all that, you can't wrap your mouth around the lines.
Oh, no. Slight problem. It's eleven in the AM. So?
My next wank's due at quarter past.
I won't get me five a day if I miss my mid-mo... wurgh, woo...
I'll do it again, or was that all right?
Well, I won't get...
I won't get me five a day if I miss my... Oh, fuck!
It's "mid-morning". Can you say it? "Miss me mid-morning tug."
Ah... I won't get me five a day, if I miss me mid-morning tug!
See?! I still... I'll do it again.
Well, I won't get me five a day, if I miss me... Oh!
God. I done my head in!
I won't get me five a day, if I miss my mid-morning...tug.
Don't remind me. I have nightmares over it.
I won't get me five a day, if I miss me mid-morning tug!
YES!
Georgia Henshaw!
'17-year-old actress Georgia Henshaw joined the show to play Cassie Claypole.
'Two Pints threw Georgia in at the deep end for her first show in front of a live audience.
'Luckily, she could learn from the pros.' Comrades, sisters...
'When I joined the show, I was actually quite nervous.'
Being the new one coming in is quite daunting.
You still think I'm a silly little girl, but I'm m-m-m-ature now...
'Cassie's Gothic and I'm nothing like that,'
so it really helps you get into character, getting my make-up done.
What a chuffing toilet!
'Cassie's a formidable character.'
She's strong, powerful, sort of crazy...
You're a dickhead. They shou...
So sorry.
You're a dickhead. Oh...
Erm...
Just that!
She does have a heart, deep in there somewhere.
It's not a very big heart, but it's there.
She's got balls. She's like Georgia!
Well, that was a miserable waste of time!
You weren't wearing that dress with any confidence.
I thought... I thought... Oh, fuck!
Got my arse out, please get it right.
'You do have to be quick-witted, to survive on the set,'
especially with a studio audience.
What are you even doing here? Don't you have another year in Young Offenders? No, I get le... Eurgh!
It's rubbing off!
Fucking hell!
'My rules for survival would be know your lines...'
Is it me?
Don't trip up...
Fucking hell! I slipped on some...
Don't swear...
Fuck it. I've just fucked up. Shit!
Actually, no... Screw that, they love it!
'I've never known a job like it where you get so much praise'
for messing up. It's unbelievable.
It seems the kind of thing I'd be good at, if my heart didn't belong to petty arson. Good luck with that.
I fucking can't get up!
'I think I was the good one on the set.'
I think I was the best, actually.
Everyone, can I have your attention?
'Even though the cast spend all week rehearsing, they still manage to mess up.'
Just give a little beat there, Natalie.
'And when they do, they blame some bizarre things.'
I need a wee!
It's not that, it's just I'm shit.
They came out with some beautiful excuses. If I sign on, it's like...
some other words that I can't quite remember right now.
It's the cheese!
It's clouding my judgment.
'If something distracts you, "Cheese smells good,"'
that's what it is.
CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS
Are you Jesus?
I can't remember what I have to say.
I was thinking about how nice and flowing this is and...
And how comfy it is and how I may wear nothing else ever again.
Growing up, you seemed... I've got an itch on my head. Sorry!
'I do that quite a lot.'
"Oh, I've got an itch." It's not. It's just because I've completely zoned out on what my line is.
Well, Cher will still... I've got a bad itch on my face.
Aaaahhhh.
'"Damn, that excuse didn't work."'
'But sometimes, stuff just goes wrong.'
What about that?
Oh, it's from Billy. Shouldn't he be at his football trial? PHONE RINGS
Sorry? Fucking phone's started singing to me!
Bing-bong bing-bong!
Check out, check out the handrail!
Check out, check out, check out... It's not fucking here!
Oh, it's here!
What's happened to you?
Oh, I got a new job... That was really fizzy!
'Unexpected technical problems will never be as funny as unexpected human ones.'
'There was one moment where'
it caught us all completely off guard...
Even now, it makes me laugh.
It was when Mickey, who plays Arthur, farted.
OK, here we go.
Sounds filthy. FART SOUND
That was Mickey!
He's passed wind! He farted!
Fucking hell, Mickey!
"Sorry. You've all smelled them before." Like...wafting it.
I'm sure he thinks that he's in a real pub.
Don't waft it this way!
We couldn't believe it. It was absolutely hanging!
The dirty bastard.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
What have you been eating?!
Every time we came to that line, I was thinking about...
Give me a minute.
'Will absolutely lost the plot on that scene.'
I don't want to laugh. I didn't make him fart.
Happy?
'With all of the cast messing about, somebody's got to keep them in line
'and that someone is Natalie Casey.
'As Donna, she is a brassy brunette who rules her man with a rod of iron.'
You're a dirty little scumbag! You're a dirty, creepy...
Oh, my God! You're getting turned on by this.
'But in real life, she's completely different. Sometimes she's a blonde...'
We're home. Yes. Yes! I have more words to say. OK.
Let me finish my line. I'd appreciate it.
Natalie demands respect.
When a man and a woman love each other very much... From us having sex! How do you think?
Men always get... Can I finish my line? Sorry.
Natalie definitely is the guv'nor.
Well, I didn't like to say, but yes, I am.
What am I meant to do?
You'll be all right. You can make...
Sorry, is that someone else gone wrong? Don't fucking say anything!
You're facking deadly!
Natalie'll tell people, "You're shit!" That's Natalie's way of... encouraging people.
She's a bit of a gobby...
Don't talk about my sister like that. I didn't say my fucking line, Luke!
EVERY SINGLE LINE COUNTS!
'Over this series, our two new faces were joined at the lips,
'as Billy and Cassie became Two Pints' latest loved-up couple.'
It was a nice afternoon. It was good to see you being yourself.
Thanks! What are you doing? We had a nice afternoon,
shouldn't we screw now?
They can watch if...eurgh!
Got carried away!
'I don't mind doing saucy scenes.'
It's all right. It's one of the easiest things to act.
Action. No, Billy.
OK, right...
Hold on. What now?!
Sit there and do it. He's way too up for her!
Snogging your fellow actors, it's part of your job.
It feels like you've been at me cock with a meat tenderiser. That's cos I have.
One more. We need to see the silver bit. So have it in your hand.
I'm exhausted.
Look, I don't want this interfering with me footie.
I've got to focus on me tackling. Not me tackle.
Me getting head... No, whoops.
My mum, my brother and my grandma used to come and see the show,
so there is some terrible stuff in there.
Eh, Cassie.
You going to pour hot water over me balls or what?
Get back in there, scum! All right, then.
Lucky bitch. Was that one all right?
I love you, Cassie.
I love you, too, Billy McCormack.
So, at the end of the series, there was love in the air at The Archer...
Whoa, there, cowboy!
..and following his miraculous recovery,
Gaz left Runcorn to travel the world.
Gaz! You coming with me?
Travelling in... Forgot that. Sorry.
'It was really strange to see the final scene between Gaz and Donna.'
And then I went out to say goodbye to the audience
and then I burst into tears.
It was a strange night. Something I didn't think would happen.
Well, this time, I'm going to go even further than Knowsley.
What, Wigan?
I was really sad at the end of this series.
I was, kind of... I just think, "Oh, I hope it goes again",
because it was great.
Don't follow me.
The future may be uncertain for this bunch of Northern mates and misfits,
but one thing is for sure -
it's been a cracking series.
Filming this series has been great.
I'm noticing a lot of aggression here, Cassie.
It's like you've forgotten... Where's your femini..fikafoka
begobdechob... Eugh-yeugh! Oh!
SHE GIGGLES
Sorry... I turned into a rapper.
Looking back over the series, I've had a brilliant time.
Yeah, it's been wicked.
Something about tits.
LAUGHTER
I laugh all the time, cos that's the point -
you're in a comedy.
It's important to have a sense of fun.
Don't awe him.
I've done that... Abuse makes him stronger.
Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!
'The magic of Two Pints'
is that we are really enjoying ourselves and it comes across
'on camera.'
Ooh!
I've forgot me line.
'I'm really proud of it, that we've done ten years.'
It will stay with me forever.
Go...and accuse your Runcorn...
LAUGHTER
Did they notice?
It has not been enjoyable, it has been entirely life-changing.
No, seriously, Tim.
I don't know what I'm going to say next.
So, I'll just leave.
Thanks for coming.
Isn't your knob huge?! Surprise!
Argh! Ah-hoo!
Begobdechob... Eugh-yeugh!
Hello, Dave!
Shit!!