sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
For ten items or less, I can help you over here, sir.
Hey, if you don't have your rewards card,
don't worry about it. I'll let you use mine.
We need some more peanut butter, the organic type, and eggs...
and coconut water, the one with the flakes in it.
All right, Junior, we talked about this, man.
You can't come over to my house and take stuff out of my kitchen.
- Unless of course it's my mom. - I can't remember.
Did we talk about me coming over and asking for money?
- No, and hell, no. - Before you say no...
I'm having a cash flow situation.
My investments haven't yielded the returns I have been anticipating.
You mean you didn't win the Powerball.
A bunch of cafeteria workers in Fresno screwed me.
[sniffs]
Why do you smell like lemons?
[chuckles] [sniffs]
Ooh! With jasmine undertones.
It scares me that you know that.
I was at Barneys and this beautiful woman
at the makeup counter sprayed me with perfume.
Yeah, I get sprayed a lot too, but usually they're blowing
- a whistle at the same time. - No, not like that.
This woman and I had an instant connection.
Really? Did you take her into the dressing room
or right there behind the counter?
Sasa! Sasa! Sasa!
No, Junior. An emotional connection. Like, like, we just clicked.
I was like I knew her, you know?
Even her name sounded familiar.
Suzanne Duval.
Wasn't she that lady that killed her kids in North Carolina?
Yeah, Junior, that's her, and she's on the lamb
in Beverly Hills, spraying people with perfume to throw 'em off the scent.
Wait a minute. Is that my new iPad?
Hey, I keep strict inventory of everything I take from this house,
so that one day, I could repay you.
If you notice, item number one? Your iPad.
Oh, George, George, check this out. Is this your perfume lady?
Yeah, that's her.
"Suzanne Duval, founder and CEO of Lumineer Cosmetics."
Wait a minute. Let me see that.
Junior, it says right here she's the fifth-richest
- woman in the country. - Yeah.
But why wouldn't she tell me that?
Isn't it obvious? If she has more money than you,
then she's the one with the power in the relationship!
She'll be the man, you'll end up being the lady.
That's crazy. I've been around powerful women before.
George, you can't argue with nature.
Like daddy always says, "the man has to be in the power position."
What do you know about the power position?
You're stealing groceries out of my refrigerator.
1x10 - Rich Girl [groovy rock music]
'Sup, fool?
Wow. What smells so good?
I'm making bunuelos, mijo.
Bunuelos? Hey, what the hell?
And I'm making homemade tortillas. Corn and flour.
Okay, wait a minute. No, really. What's going on?
What do you mean, "what's going on?"
I can't do something nice for my son?
No, you can't. What's going on?
George... give me your hand.
Come on, mijo.
Give me your hand.
[sizzles] Aah!
Son a bitch! What the hell?
- Now, go ahead, do it again. - Why would I do that again?
Because you never learn.
If you go ou with that woman tonight, you're gonna get burned again.
Another white whore.
Okay, listen, mom. Suzanne is not Mackenzie.
Well, I'm sorry. I get your whores mixed up.
I'm just going on a date with Suzanne.
- I'm not marrying her. - She's gonna run all over you.
They always do. You never speak up for yourself.
Can I tell you something and you won't get mad?
- Oh, no. - You should have married Sonia.
Mom, Sonia again? She weighs 300 pounds!
And you don't?
Yeah, she's fat now, but you could have had her when she was thin.
190.
Are you gonna eat these?
Otherwise I'm just gonna throw them away.
Send them to Sonia. She'll eat 'em.
That's true.
So, Suzanne, when you're not working
the perfume counter, what do you like to do
in your spare time? Cycling? Yoga?
Take your company public for $80 a share?
- You googled me. - [chuckles] My idiot cousin did.
Hey, how come you didn't say anything when we first met?
Well, I wanted to, but I was having too much fun
playing the perfume spritzer and the sexy customer.
Is that like the pool boy and the lonely divorcee?
'Cause I've played that, but I'm always the pool boy. [both chuckle]
Well, there... there was another reason too.
Most men are intimidated by the idea of dating a powerful woman.
Most men are.
- I... am not. - Mm. Good.
Well, now that we have everything out in the open,
- let's get a drink. - All right.
What should we have? Wine? Beer?
La Energia?
Aha! [laughs]
- You googled me too. - My assistant did.
Why didn't you tell me you were a sports drink mogul?
Were you worried the counter girl was gonna go
all gold-digger on you? [chuckles]
Well, I think the important thing is that we're two days
into a relationship and we're already lying to each other.
[both laugh]
I think we're off to a good start.
I think wee off to a great start.
Did we settle on a wine, Señor Lopez?
Yes, Martin, we'll have the '96 Opus One.
[Martin] Ah, excellent.
Oh, I'm sorry. It's just my favorite.
Did you want to get something?
No, no, no, no. That's fine, Suzanne.
I mean, I like a woman that can take charge.
Good.
I was gonna order a box of house red with two nozzles.
[laughs] I'm sorry.
[George] Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm sure your $300 bottle of wine will be just fine.
[laughs]
Oh, my god. You're Suzanne Duval.
I am so in awe of everything you've accomplished.
What are you doing with him?
Excuse me?
- Suzanne, this is my ex-wife Mackenzie. - Hi.
- I hope this isn't awkward. - No, it's fine. I'm done with him.
I just want you to know that I would be lost
- without your makeup. - Oh, please.
Oh, no, no, she's right. Suzanne, you are a miracle worker.
I've seen her in the morning. That green stuff she puts on?
She looks like a hungover Kermit the Frog.
[giggles]
Um, I know how generous you are in supporting worthy causes.
I'm hosting a charity auction here Saturday night
to benefit anaphylaxia.
I would be so honored if you could attend with George...
or whoever.
Well, actually, Saturday night, Suzanne,
I was thinking that maybe you and I might drive up the coast and...
I love charity auctions. We'll be there.
Oh, terrific! Oh, thank you so much!
Yes, Mackenzie, "thank you so much."
[cell phone rings]
I'm sorry. I have to take this. Excuse me, George.
- It was so nice to meet you, Mackenzie. - It was so nice to meet you.
I need Suzanne at this auction Saturday night.
So whatever you do, don't let her see you naked before then.
[vehicle approaches]
[woman screams on TV]
Daddy! Daddy, wake up!
Wake up! Georgie's home.
[grunts] [groans]
Daddy, don't make me get the car battery again!
Wake up! [vehicle door closes]
Junior...
why did you rousted me out of my slumber?
Georgie is home with the lady from the perfume.
Ah! The lady from the perfume.
You know, I've never been walked to my door by a woman
after a date before.
[chuckles]
So... how does this go?
Look at him, daddy.
Laying the groundwork and then laying the pipe.
[Tio] Yeah, he's doing the chitty-chatty right now.
You are so cute, George. Well, we stand here,
we look at each other and smile...
and then you start wondering if I'm gonna kiss you.
[giggles]
[Junior] This is where he's gonna make his...
[Tio gasps]
[Tio] She went in first!
[grunts]
I'm getting warm watching, daddy.
Close your eyes and don't get so close to me, mijo.
Wow.
Oh... Aye. That was really something.
This was fun.
- So, the auction... - Yeah.
Can you give me a little hug?
[mouths silently]
So, the auction... I'll have my driver pick you up.
Oh, you know what? I thought I would drive.
Maybe we could have a drink before.
I'm never out of the office before 7:00. I'll send my driver.
- Good night, George. - Mmm, good night.
[slap] [laughs]
Okay.
It's 1:00 in the morning. Somebody better be dead.
Yeah, something's dead all right... your manhood.
What are you fools even talking about?
You should have been the first to wield the tongue, not her.
Junior's right. You're assering the woman's role!
That's ridiculous. What do I care if she's the one
who decides what we have for dinner or who kisses who?
Whoa! You let her decide what you had for dinner?
[groans] Ay que lastima, Georgie.
Well, look, I don't need to hear this.
- What are you guys even doing here? - Look, we want you to facilitate
an introduction to your lady friend so that we can pitch a cologne
that will dominate the ever expanding $1.2 billion male fragrance market.
Not to mention the $75,000 latino market.
George, George...
daddy's sweat attracts women.
[Junior] Right? Come on.
- Imbibe the essence. - Oh, come on.
- Take a whiff. - Take a whiff!
- I'm not gonna smell you. - Take a whiff!
Put your arm down!
- You're repulsed, right? - Yeah.
Let me tell you why. Because you're a man.
Women find my "pheromonies" irresistible.
When he walks through the food court in the mall,
ladies flock to him like ducklings. Isn't that right, daddy?
George, it's an embarrassment of bitches.
If only we knew someone...
who knew someone in the cosmetic business
- to bottle it up and make us all rich. - Hint, hint.
Look, I'm not introducing you to Suzanne.
No no, Georgie, look, look. No names have to be exchanged, okay?
You just get me close to her
and my muskets will take care of the rest.
That's for you. It's from your sugar mama.
- You opened my gift? - I thought it was for me.
Chew toys don't usually come in a box this big.
Hey, and Suzanne is not a sugar mama, okay?
She's a classy lady.
- Silk pajamas? - It says your classy woman
wants to rip these off you at the Four Seasons tonight.
Who's the chew toy now?
George, here...
is the brochure for the auction.
I circled a few of the more high-end items.
I... I'm really counting on Suzanne to drop some major cash tonight.
A lifetime supply of La Energia?
- Who donated that? - You did.
But that's not one of the more high-end items.
[Alma] George, I gotta...
- Ooh. - Oh.
Hey, man-whore. You dropped your lingerie.
These are nice. Silk.
- Did Suzanne get them for you? - She did.
I didn't realize you were at the pajama buying stage.
She sure goes after what she wants, doesn't she?
What are you trying to say?
That I should've been the one that yielded the tongue first?
No. And "ugh!"
I just didn't... I just... you know, I just thing things
are moving kind of fast for you guys.
It sounds like you're a little bit jealous.
Jealous? Ha! Please!
Well, let me tell you somethiing.
It's refreshing to finally be in a relationship
with someone that I connect with emotionally, spiritually.
Is that why there are no bottoms?
[applause]
Okay. This is very exciting.
Our next item... a ride-along with Sky Captain Bob
in the Channel 6 traffic copter.
Let's start the bigging at 1,000.
- 1,000. - Great.
Suzanne. Again.
Do I hear 2,000?
You! 2,000. Do I hear 3,000?
5,000. [audience gasps]
Sold!
[cheers and applause]
You really do have deep pockets.
Some might even say bottomless.
Moving right along,
This'll come in handy later, huh, babe? [both chuckle]
- Yeah, you know, about that... - Is something wrong?
Well, it's just that in the, you know,
last three days, you... you bought me dinner,
you know, you kissed me first.
[chuckles] You grabbed my ass. I'm not complaining.
And then you, you know, booked us a suite at the Four Seasons.
You don't like the Four Seasons.
Oh, no, no, no. I love the Four Seasons.
I mean, it wasn't that long ago
I could only afford two seasons. [both chuckle]
But, you know, since we met,
you've called all the shots.
Oh, come on, George.
I thought you were secure in your manhood than that.
[chuckles] No, I-I am. It's just that I'm starting to feel
- a little bit like an object. - Mm, a handsome, sexy object.
[shouting] Our final item for the night,
we've saved the best for last.
A romantic lovers' weekend in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.
[applause]
- You know, babe, I've got it. - No, I've got it, honey.
- No, sweetie, I've got it. - No, lover, I've got it.
Bitch, I got it.
$5,000.
[audinece gasps]
- Any married couples? - 6,000.
[audience murmurs]
Do I hear 7,000 from somebody else?
- Anybody else. Please? - Huh. 7,000.
[gasps and murmurs]
10,000.
[murmuring continues]
- 11... - 15.
[oohs and ahhs, applause]
- What is your problem? - Nothing. I'm just having fun.
Okay, well, can you have fun with your paddle down?
I'm confused, George.
You told me you weren't threatened by a strong woman.
I'm not threatened by a strong woman.
I'm threatened by a weak man, which is how you're making me feel.
Okay, I want my manhood back. And I'm willing to pay...
$20,000!
[loud gasps, applause]
Going once. Going twice.
Harold, I know your wife just died,
but I hear Cabo is a great place to grieve.
All right. Fine. Sold!
To the man who's dating way above his pay grade.
[cheers and applause]
So that's how you want this thing to end, huh?
Yeah. That's how I want this thing to end.
Hmm. It's too bad, George.
Well, enjoy your romantic lovers' weekend... alone.
I just spent $20,000 to send a Mexican to Mexico!
[cheers and applause]
You don't have to be that happy. [laughter]
Thanks to your generous donations,
you are now looking at the most successful
fundraiser in the history of Woodlands Country Club.
Hey, congratulations.
And once again, my pain is your gain.
I'm sorry it didn't work out with Suzanne.
- No, you're not. - No, I'm not.
[chuckles] Hey, so you were jealous.
Maybe I was.
I mean, you were never jealous of me going out with women before.
- I mean, why her? - I'm still trying to figure it out.
It's not like she's that much more beautiful than you.
You know, in my head, that started out as a compliment.
I guess it was seeing you with such a successful woman
brought home how little I've achieved.
You know, at this point, I thought I'd have a real career.
Not just... filling my time curing diseases that aren't even fatal,
just... annoying.
Don't sell yourself short, Mac. You've done a lot with your life.
You've had a very successful divorce.
You've done a lot with your life.
It's all right. I get it.
You know, La Energia hadn't taken off and we had Harper.
I had to drop out of design school.
You know, somebody's dream had to take a backseat.
You wouldn't understand. [glass clinks]
Well, you know what? Actually, I would.
I mean, I just spent some time
riding in the backseat of someone else's life.
- It's not a lot of fun, is it? - No.
Her driver thought I was the driver.
Hey, if you don't like your life, fix it.
How? By beating you to death
and becoming a rich widow? [chuckles]
No, I'll tell you what.
If you make this putt, I'll invest in your dream.
- Really? - Yeah, sure. Why not?
- You don't think I can make it, do you? - Not a chance in hell.
I just gotta get it into any one of these holes.
[chuckles] Pick the one in the middle.
- Hey, you made it! - No, I didn't.
Yeah.
The ball's in the hole.
Really? You mean you're gonna help me?
[hyperventilating] Thank you, George! Whew.
You don't know how much this means to me.
I-I really have a million ideas.
You know, I wanna... I wanna open my own boutique,
and I wanna do the... you know I wanna do all those things.
Well, hopefully you'll be so hungover in the morning
that you won't remember having this conversation.
[giggles]
- Yes, I will. - No haba Ingles.
All right, George, I hope you've emptied your bladder,
because we're about to blow your mind.
Junior, I told you, man, there's no point in me looking at this.
- Suzanne broke up with me. - You still have her address, right?
Throw the DVD in her window.
[romantic music]
How do I love me?
Let my doubt the ways.
"Wanna Tio!" Men's sweat in a bottle.
- Oh, man...! - I know. Powerful, right?
"Wanna Tio!" Soap where un-fragrances... are not. {*}
- Want see it again? - No!
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~