"Tess, is that you?
Somehow, you look different."
"Why, yes, I am different.
And that is because, in one short week, I'm going to be...
15.
Oh yeah, that's right."
Tess, check this out.
What are you doing?
Uhh, just letting my deodorant dry.
What else?
Don't believe you, don't have time.
What do you think these are?
Two rectangular pieces of paper with writing on them?
"Two rectangular pieces of paper with writing on them?"
No, these happen to be two impossible-to-get tickets to the sneak preview of
"Twilight Six, The Musical"
where, rumour has it...
Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson will show up...
To sign people's necks...
In red pen...
Like blood!
Ah!
And the best part is, it's on your birthday!
Ah!
(Groaning)
Okay, in my world, that's a hug moment.
And in my world, that's an "I can't go because my dad is
planning the fifth annual Tess Foster birthday extravaganza" moment.
(Groaning)
You can't be serious.
I mean, Putt-Putt golf was cute when you were ten.
Bumper boats was borderline when you were 13.
But you're going to be 15.
Unless the top prize at the ring toss is now a hot guy instead of
a terminal goldfish in a bag, I really don't see the point.
The point is my dad has been doing this for me for the last five years.
And he thinks I love it.
And if I tell him I don't anymore, it'll break his heart.
Aww.
That is so touching.
And so tragically tween of you!
Look, you're practically a fifteen-year-old girl now!
You're supposed to break your dad's heart!
That's what we do!
Now, go downstairs and do your job!
I can't.
Why do I have to be so nice?
Allie, huh, what a surprise!
Guess what I'm holding?
Two rectangular pieces of paper with writing on them?
Oh, you snarky little kitten, who is just my friend.
No, they're tickets for me and one lucky lady.
(Coughing)
Lady friend, to the Bruno Mars concert.
My dad got them for me for my birthday.
I'm sorry, what?
Dad got them for me for...
Yes, I heard you!
Why isn't he taking you to that sleepover safari thing at the
zoo like he has for the last five years?
I guess because I'm the brave twin, who marched up to him,
looked him in the eye and told him like a man that I'm way too
mature for a sleepover safari and if he dragged me there
again, I was going to scream and cry until he took me home.
Dad, we need to talk.
Just a minute.
And so the young penguins venture forth into their
adolescence without so much as a backwards glance to the
fathers who have protected them through the brutal winter.
Those poor papa penguins.
They give and give.
And then their ungrateful kids just waddle away.
What about the dads?
What about their feelings?
(Toy squeaking)
I'm sorry, I guess I'm just a little distracted and maybe a
little sensitive right now.
I mean, you and Sam are practically 15 and I guess it's
hitting me pretty hard.
Sam doesn't even want a sleepover safari anymore.
No.
He's just going to waddle off.
Come on, Jack, man up.
Okay, so what's my favourite girl want?
Uh... just to tell you how much I love you.
You see that, penguins, that's how you treat your father!
♪ Feels like I'm caught in the middle ♪
♪ Drama comes with every new day ♪
♪ So far to fall ♪
♪ Walking the tightrope ♪
♪ But I wouldn't have it any other way ♪
♪ We're gonna put one foot in front of the other ♪
♪ Get tripped up and step on one another ♪
♪ We move ahead and try to keep it on track ♪
♪ 'Cause we know we got each other's back ♪
♪ Don't need to fight it ♪
♪ No need to deny ♪
♪ It's a crazy life, a random life ♪
♪ A wonderful life ♪
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen www.addic7ed.com
I can't believe you're passing up on an opportunity like this!
Look, I want to, but I just can't hurt my dad's feelings like that.
All right, if you want to fit in with the other fifteen-year-old girls,
this whole "caring about your dad's feelings" thing has got to stop.
Do you know what would happen if I held them up and said,
"Hey, who wants to go to the sneak preview of 'Twilight Six'
with me?"
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Oh, my bad!
They're actually tickets to a Funplex bumper boat birthday party.
(Sighing)
I believe the people have spoken.
You know, you don't have to rub it in my face.
In fact, a good friend would come to my birthday party and
show a little moral...
Smelly alert!
(Inhaling)
How you doing?
Hey.
Ladies.
(Exhaling)
Support!
Come on, Allie already said "No."
Why don't you take me to the concert with you?
I mean, think about all the things I've done for you.
Okay, bad example.
But think about all the things I will do for you.
Like what?
Like I'm talking to you in public.
There are grade nines who'd die for a moment like this.
All right, I'm intrigued.
But I'm looking for something a
little bit more...
What's the word?
Humiliating.
Oh, no, not that.
I will never do that for you.
You've made me to it for you when I really wanted something.
I hate you.
That's not how it goes.
♪ My brother is the greatest, the greatest in the world ♪
♪ He is so cute and awesome, I wish I was a girl ♪
I'm sorry.
I couldn't quite hear you.
And I believe you were leaving a little something out.
♪ My brother is the greatest, the greatest in the world ♪
♪ He is so cute and awesome, I wish I was a girl ♪
Better, but it's still lacking something, perhaps the second verse.
♪ And then I'd be his girlfriend, he'd take me to the dance ♪
♪ And then I'd do his laundry and wash his underpants ♪
Look, we're focusing on the negatives.
I'm a positive person.
I'm going to focus on the positives.
Like what?
Maybe the Funplex will serve those delightful fish sticks
with expired tartar sauce that made all your guests last year
barf in the bouncy castle?
Buzz kill.
I'll tell you what I would do.
I'd tell my dad exactly how I felt, because if I don't want to
do something, I don't do it.
And that's how Allie rolls.
Hola, Allie.
You know, 'cause we're in Spanish class.
Sí, muy "hilarioso".
What's with the gum-stache?
Oh, you know, I like to smell it before I eat it.
Anyway, so what wafted you over here?
Well, for some reason, no one wanted to be my conversation partner for the
oral presentation.
I was wondering if you would do it.
Would you excuse me for just a second?
Help me.
Why don't you just tell him exactly how you feel?
Because that is how Allie rolls.
Okay, I'm going to do exactly that.
I...
Would love to.
Yes!
Okay now, let's not get too excited.
Okay.
See you later.
Woo!
Don't you judge me.
No matter how much I spray, I can still smell him on me.
Look, Allie, at least there are things we can do about your stink.
Listen to the responses to the e-vite my dad sent out.
"Thanks for inviting me to your Funplex party, but I'm having a
cavity filled."
"Sorry, can't make it, having a cavity filled."
"Wish I could come, but I'm having a cavity filled."
They didn't even care enough to coordinate different lies.
You're going to be getting your neck signed by Robert Pattinson
while I paint the walls of the barf-y castle with bad tartar
sauce and fish bits!
Oh, no!
What?
Your fragrance is seeping through my nose clip!
(Panting)
(Coughing)
You know who wouldn't be in this situation?
My mom.
That woman had guts.
Look at her.
She wasn't afraid of anything.
She used to say to me, "Tessie, if you really want
something, you have to go get it because no one is going to give it to you."
"Now, go down there, my daughter, and tell your father the truth."
Whoa, that was so weird.
But you know what?
If a picture talked to me, I'd listen.
Getting heavier there, Spence.
Quit complaining, old lady!
Now squat like a man!
Dad, we really need to talk.
Son, when a female takes on
that tone of voice...
Got it!
Gone!
So, what's going on?
Okay, here's the thing, I'm almost 15 years old.
I am not the same girl I was last year.
I'm changing.
Things... Things are happening to me.
You know, honey, I think we should call your grandmother about this.
Whoa, not those kind of things!
Okay, the point is, I'm more mature than I was last year.
I am interested in different things.
What're you trying to say?
Okay, what I'm trying to say is...
I don't want fish sticks at my Funplex party.
I want pigs in a blanket and crinkly fries and that is final.
You don't understand...
No, I do.
You were going to tell him and then he turned into a penguin.
It happens to everyone, who lives in Crazy Town!
(Knocking)
You.
I know what you were trying to tell me.
You do?
Yup.
It might have taken the old man
a little while to... Wow!
Allie, that smell's just not going away, is it?
No.
Aww, I'm sorry.
But could you move away from the window?
It's kind of just blowing right up in my face.
Anyway, you think you're too old to go to this Funplex thing, don't you?
Well, yeah.
Yeah, and you've got something else in mind, right?
Yes!
You want to go skydiving just like your mom!
(Mouthing, "What?")
I'm still smiling 'cause he can see me.
You know, honey, when you left this picture down there for me, I knew.
I tell you, sweetie, that you'd want to do something like this
for your birthday, your mom would be so proud of you.
Oh, true.
But that would mean not having the Funplex party.
And, Dad, I know how much you love doing that for me.
Yeah, I do love doing that for you.
And I would never want to take that away from you.
Oh, honey, it's okay, you're not taking something away from me.
You're giving me something even more memorable: my chance to
share with you what I shared with your mom.
When you jump out of that plane at 10,000'...
10,000'?
Don't worry, honey.
I'll be right there beside you.
This is going to be so special.
Yeah.
I'm going to go set it up right now.
Thanks!
Woo!
What just happened?
I don't know.
Surprised I figured it out, aren't you?
Yeah!
Dad!
You got me!
Woo-hoo!
(Groaning)
Really?
Do you know how hard this ticket is to get?
I mean, we're talking "Twilight Six", sneak peek!
Oh, seriously?
So nobody wants the ticket?
Come on, I'll take anybody!
Great, I'll see you in line, senorita.
Could my life get any worse?
Yes, in two hours, you could get into a rickety plane with
one engine and no door, then go 10,000' in the air and jump out.
Oh, no, wait, that's my life!
Eww.
You know, I don't know why you're so terrified.
I mean, your dad skydives.
Your mom used to.
Clearly, it runs in the family.
I mean, it's in your genes.
Trust me, if I get into that plane, there'll be something in my jeans.
Attention.
Anybody who had the beef dip for lunch today, please report
to the nurse.
There's a slight problem.
Hey, too bad you didn't have the beef dip for lunch.
There's no way you'd be able to skydive.
Yeah, they're making me dump the whole thing just because a
couple kids got sick.
(Groaning)
Every fifteen-year-old girl's birthday dream: eating rotten
meat out of a dumpster.
Eww.
Seriously, dude?
You're really going to make me go down to The Blend and dance
around like this?
Well, if you want these tickets, I certainly expect you
to do it with a little more grace in your arms.
Let's see it.
Gabe?
What are you doing?
Dancing my little tutu down to The Blend so I can embarrass
myself for a couple of tickets to Bruno Mars.
But you're my big brother, my hero.
And if you do that, how can I ever look up to you again?
You're absolutely right.
You know, that's it, I'm done.
Keep your stinkin' ticket.
Nothing is worth disappointing my baby brother.
I'm his hero.
I can't believe you did this to him.
Hey, he's pulled lot's of stuff on me.
Yeah, but he's my stuck-up, pretty-boy brother and you're my
smart, nice-guy big brother.
You're not supposed to be mean like this.
And that makes me very, very sad.
Spencer...
I can't even look at
you anymore.
Fine.
I'll give him the ticket.
Did he buy it?
Of course he did.
I'm adorable!
Now get back upstairs and you owe me ten bucks.
I would have done it for five.
I'm surrounded by idiots.
No, Allie, it still hasn't worked!
I've eaten so much meat, I'm developing hooves!
If I were on a farm, they would brand me!
And if I were on a farm, they'd ask me to leave because
the smell was upsetting the other animals.
I'd appreciate a little sympathy here!
If I can't yak in the next five minutes, I'm going to be
"This yearbook is dedicated to the memory of Tess Foster."
Hey, Tessie, we're almost over the jump site.
Awesome, Dad!
Woo!
I got to go.
Remember me.
Here, I got you a smoothie, fresh fruit.
Take a whiff of that.
Maybe later.
You know, I've really been enjoying working with you in class.
Mm-hmm.
And now you took me to a movie.
I mean, it's kind of like a date.
What?
I guess I'm just wondering if you're feeling the same way I'm feeling.
Look, I'm going to tell you this because I respect you too much to lie.
You...
Are great, but...
Come here.
Look, I'm sorry, but you...
Stink.
That's why no one wanted to be your partner.
That's why people avoid you in the halls.
That's why I sprayed half a bottle of perfume up my nose
before I left the house tonight.
Sure, my popcorn's going to taste like Coco Chanel Krispies,
but that's how bad you reek.
No offense.
Oh.
Wow.
Why didn't anybody ever say anything?
Maybe they couldn't get close enough to tell you.
Or, they didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Oh, man.
Okay, I guess I better shower a little more, maybe use some of
that body wash stuff.
Thanks.
"Thanks"?
That's it?
You're not upset anymore?
You don't need to cry?
You don't need to hug it out?
From someone with a very stuffed up nose?
A hug?
Come on, I'm a guy, not a girl.
But two seconds ago, you were miserable.
And now I'm over it.
Once again, guy, not girl.
And all guys are like this?
Pretty much.
I'll meet you back in line.
I got to make a call.
Well, honey, here we go!
How you feeling?
You know, it's funny, I was sure I'd be sick to my stomach
by now, but I'm not!
That's my girl!
Woo!
You know, if you're nervous, we don't have to do this.
Relax, I'll take good care of you.
Great, now I'll never fall in love, get married and have kids.
One minute till jump!
Woo.
Honey, look at that view!
Can't I just wait until it's rushing to hit me in the face?
(Phone ringing)
Hello?
Great news!
I told Smelly he stank and he's fine with it!
Wonderful.
These are the last words I'm going to hear before I go splat.
No, you're not listening.
Smelly is fine.
My name's Albert.
Right, sorry, Al.
See?
We're buddies now.
On our way to boyfriend and girlfriend.
Don't push it.
Anyways, he's not upset.
Guys can handle the truth!
You can tell your dad you don't want to jump!
Really?
Yes!
Okay.
No!
Yeah!
Woo!
I never wanted to jump!
What?
I never wanted to jump!
And I never wanted a Funplex party!
I'm 15!
I'm not a kid anymore!
Oh.
Okay.
Wow.
I guess the truth does work!
I'll remember that next time, if there is a next time.
Woo!
I'm going to have kids!
What?
Nothing!
Woo!
This is awesome!
Hold on, I'm still on that "Having kids" thing!
Going to happen someday, Dad!