I am very disappointed in you two.
But we didn't do anything!
Gee, where have I heard that before?
But I didn't do anything!
"But I didn't do anything!
But I didn't do anything!"
We are not Gabe.
Although I wouldn't mind having his hair.
Come on, Dad, don't you trust me?
And how many times have I heard that?
Don't you trust me?
"Don't you trust me?
Don't you trust me?"
Now my only hope is Spencer.
Oh, come on!
Seriously?
Jack, Jack, Jack.
First Gabe, and now these two.
I don't understand it.
Well, I am a single dad.
Four kids.
It's not easy.
Keep that in mind.
What are you talking about?
The fact that they're the two brightest kids in my algebra class.
You mean we didn't do anything wrong?
Hmm?
It's just I have an emergency and I could really use your help.
As you know, I supervise the
Mathletes...
No.
Let the man finish.
Thank you.
Now, I know Mathletes aren't considered "cool" or "da bomb."
"No."
Sorry, we thought he was finished.
Honest mistake.
Listen, I got a thing...
Sit your thing back down.
As I was saying, this year we finally have a chance to bring
home a championship for our school.
Now, the wrestling team did finish third last year.
As I said, a championship.
Sadly, our star student is no longer available.
Apparently his father thinks that moving to New York to
become ambassador to the UN is more important than our school
finally kicking Poly Tech's brainy butt!
You think one of my kids'll put you over the top.
Sam would be great.
Tess would be great.
No way!
Forget it!
We'll get back to you.
We'll get back to him.
♪ Feels like I'm caught in the middle ♪
♪ Drama comes with every new day ♪
♪ So far to fall ♪
♪ Walking the tightrope ♪
♪ But I wouldn't have it any other way ♪
♪ We're gonna put one foot in front of the other ♪
♪ Get tripped up and step on one another ♪
♪ We move ahead and try to keep it on track ♪
♪ 'Cause we know we got each other's back ♪
♪ Don't need to fight it ♪
♪ No need to deny ♪
♪ It's a crazy life, a random life ♪
♪ A wonderful life ♪
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen www.addic7ed.com
Again, Howard, wonderful opportunity.
A tremendous honour.
We're going to talk about it as a family and get back to you.
I'm going to remove my hands now and when I do, I want to hear
something other than the word "no."
Uh-uh!
Now, listen, this is about school pride and giving something back.
He's right.
And it's got nothing to do with my graciously offering up my
parking spot because of his bad knee.
Now, just to be clear.
Primo parking.
Goodness of my heart.
Nothing to do with it.
What bad knee?
The bad knee I would get if I continue to park in my old spot.
It's called preventative medicine, Sam.
That's not what I'd call it.
Language, young lady.
But, I...
You were thinking it.
This is just not fair.
There is no...
Tess!
There is uh-uh way that we're doing this.
Look, I know it's not the coolest thing in the world, but it can't be that bad.
Oh.
Not that bad?
It's social death!
Remember Nicholas Demopoulos?
Perfectly normal eighth-grade kid?
Popular, happy.
Until one fateful day...
Nicholas.
Might I have a word?
Sure, Mr. B.
Yeah, whatever happened to that kid?
He became Nerdy Nicky.
Oh, hey, coach.
Classmates.
Yowza.
Is that what you want for us?
Listen, I'm not going to force you.
I just...
I think it's the right thing to
do and it would mean a lot to
me.
If that's not good enough for one of you, I don't know what else to say.
I hate it when he goes all sincere.
Looks like one of us is really going to have to do this.
I know.
You'll be great.
Forget it!
Is it out yet?
Come on, Spence, it's just a little bird poop.
What's the big deal?
The whole playground laughed at me.
Tommy called me Mary Poopins and Jimmy yelled, "Hey, look, it's
Harry Pooper and the Goblet of Poop!"
That's terrible.
If anyone says that again, I'm calling their parents.
Good cover, Dad.
Look, the point is, getting pooped on is part of life.
But you'll survive it.
And by tomorrow, I promise you, this will all be forgotten.
Foster Family Pinky Promise?
And now it gets interesting.
Foster Family Pin...
Does it have to be a full-on
pinky promise or can it just be my best guesstimate?
I knew it.
They're never going to stop making fun of me!
You'd think by the fourth kid you'd be better at this.
Sam, I am about to offer you the deal of a lifetime.
Get away from me.
You didn't even hear it yet.
There is nothing in this
world...
Allie will date you.
Continue.
If you do this Mathletes thing for Dad, I am prepared to
offer you not one, not two, but
three...
Five.
Four dates with the girl of your dreams.
Picture it: the two of you at
the movies...
It's a scary movie.
She jumps.
Protect her.
Go on.
After the movie you go to the Blend for cocoa and conversation.
Does it have to be cocoa?
Chocolate gives me the trots.
Whatever you want.
You stare at each other.
Entranced.
A friendship blossoming into something so much more!
What blossom?
What more?
What more is there, but love?
And that's only the first date.
There's a second, a third, and
then...
Prom?
A king and his queen.
Here they are, your prom king and queen.
Don't you wish you were them?
Is it just a fairy tale or a Mathlete's reality?
The choice is yours.
And Allie's okay with this?
Okay with this?
Allie is totally okay with this.
What am I totally okay with?
Allie!
What are you doing here?
I thought you were at cheerleading practice.
Why aren't you at cheerleading practice?
If you hurry, you can still make the end.
Big pyramid, lots of fun!
Come on, I'll walk you back.
She didn't agree to this.
Agree to what?
Tick-tock-tick-tock, pyramid.
Four dates with me in exchange for my being a Mathlete.
Seriously, what?
I would rather pull every hair out of my head one by one, knit
an ugly sweater out of it and wear it on picture day.
Well, technically, she didn't say no.
She was just playing hard to get.
Incredibly hard to get.
Spencer, I am not calling the school and tell them you have a fever.
Now, you're going tomorrow and that's that!
Is Spencer home?
I have to poop.
Who is it?
Nobody!
Is Spencer home?
I have to poop.
Is Spencer home...?
All right, 24-hour flu, but that's it.
Hello?
No, we haven't discussed your Mathlete crisis yet, Howard.
They aren't even home yet.
And by the way, the wrestling team would've won that championship if Wasnicki's
unitard hadn't ripped at exactly the wrong moment and, uh, place.
But one of them is going to come through for you.
Because if I know anything, I know my own kids.
I'm not doing it.
Well, I'm not doing it either.
No, that's just one of those silly sitcoms where the kids are
always disappointing their father.
I'll call you back.
So, you're really going to do this?
You're going to turn your backs on your chance to finally bring
your school a championship and all the pride, honour and glory
that goes with it?
Is that what you're saying?
Yep.
Pretty much.
Howard, hi.
It's Jack.
Hey, I'm not interrupting dinner, am I?
What, really?
You're too nervous to eat, waiting for me to call?
Yes, I did talk to them.
Howard, do you have kids?
No?
It's just you, the Mathletes and Shelley?
Oh, didn't know had a girlfriend.
Shelley's your turtle?
Well, that sounds like a lot of fun.
Look, Howard, I know how much this means to you.
And I've always raised my kids to not be selfish and to think
about how their actions affect others.
And I really thought one of them would come through for me.
But, uh...
It's like this, Howard.
Howie.
It just seems...
He was right.
I'm the new Mathlete.
What?
Oh, no, really, I...
Hi, Shelley.
I'm the new Mathlete.
Look, it's not too late.
You can still get out of this.
Allie, you've been bugging me about this all day.
I can't bail now.
I gave my word.
Well, you didn't sign anything, did you?
And even if you did, my dad's a lawyer, and I'm talking the
kind who can get you a million dollars for almost getting hit by a bus.
He can make this all go away.
Sometimes you really frighten me.
I'm just trying to save you from social death.
I've made up my mind and I'm fine with it.
Hey, Foster.
I am not a geek!
That was a temporary slip.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a high road to take.
Is anybody looking?
No, you're good.
Come on.
I didn't care anyways.
I mean, it's not like I'm suddenly going to turn into Nerdy Nicky.
Excuse me.
Mathlete coming through.
Remember me the way I am right now.
Nicholas!
Sorry.
It's just so exciting!
Done!
Well, looks like that about wraps it up.
That was incredibly fast!
And 100% correct.
Smoking!
And Tess, with you aboard, Polytech is going to fall into
a quantum theory pit deeper than the Yang-Mills existence and mass gap!
A little math humour.
You'll learn to love it.
Until next practice, see you later, calculator.
Yang-Mills?
You're killing me, Mr. Bennett.
Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow after school.
Where are you going?
We usually go for smoothies and to watch footage of the day's work.
We find it strengthens the bonds of friendship every team
needs in order to achieve greatness.
Oh.
Right.
It's just that I thought we got together a couple days after school.
With the doors closed.
And then walked out one at a time.
In 10-second intervals.
You don't want to be seen with us.
Oh, that is absolutely not true.
Well, if you got to go, you got to go.
Hey, it's the wrestling team.
You can get up, they're not really there.
Look, you have to understand.
I have a reputation and...
And hanging out with us would
ruin that.
I wish it were different.
But you guys know what school's like.
One embarrassing thing and they never let you live it down.
I'm really sorry.
Is that thing still recording?
Yup, in HD and surround sound.
You wouldn't.
Opening tomorrow at a school near you.
Yeah!
Hey, Tess.
What?
Was kind of fart was it?
Was it a...
...or a
Can we not talk about this, please?
Are you going to school tomorrow?
I don't know.
Are you?
I don't know.
How you doing, sweetie?
Just great.
Spencer and I are playing Name That Fart.
So, I'm guessing you're blaming me a little for this?
Oh, come on, Dad, that's not true.
I'm blaming you a lot for this.
Hey, buddy.
How's it going?
I'm never leaving the house.
And nothing you say will change my mind.
Okay.
Cool.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's it?
Where's the heart-warming pep talk that puts it all in perspective?
It's happening in that room.
Tessie, this kind of thing happens to everybody.
And by tomorrow, I promise you it'll all be forgotten.
Please, that didn't work on Spencer and he's 8.
If you're going to come in here, I expect you to bring your A-game.
All right, you want my A-game, here it is:
Tomorrow, you're going to get razzed, and maybe for a few
days after that as well.
But in the end, it'll blow over.
End?
Blow?
Really?
I guess what I'm trying to say, Tessie, is, I know this
stinks, but sooner or later it's going to pass.
Maybe you should write this stuff down and look at it
before you say it out loud.
Yeah, I probably should.
Look, dude, you can't let this get to you.
Easy for you to say.
This kind of stuff never happens to you.
Sure it does.
Last year, when I got that buzz
cut...
No, wait, everybody loved it.
I should do that again.
Look, we live in a world of humiliation, which we all know
is my area of expertise.
It would've been nice if one of you disagreed, but we'll move on.
What's the worst...
...that's going to happen
tomorrow?
Are you kidding?
After what I said to Nicky and the rest of them?
That video's going to be all over the school.
And I was worried about being Geeky Tess?
Now I'm going to be Leaky Tess.
Look, sweetie, sure they're going to call you names and make jokes.
But that's all they are, is stupid jokes.
"Hey, Spencer, want to go to the Pooper Market and pick up
your favourite cereal, Honey Bunches of Poops?"
"Hey, Spence, want to go to the gym and shoot some poops?"
Why aren't you laughing?
Because they're lame.
Exactly.
And only idiots would laugh at them.
And since when do you care what idiots think?
Although, "Honey Bunches of Poop" was pretty good.
It was, wasn't it?
Oh, and how about Poopy Charms?
Or Rice Poopies?
Loaded with snap, crackle
and...
Poop!
You hear that?
That's not just Sam and Gabe laughing.
That's Spencer, too.
Look, if he can laugh about what happened to him, why can't you
do the same thing?
Because what happened to Spencer wasn't his fault.
What happened to me was...
I know, my fault.
No.
It was mine.
I can do this.
Of course you can.
You're incredibly brave.
I hope you understand why I can no longer be seen with you.
Just for a few days.
A month tops.
Just until people stop saying things like, "Whoa, who Tessed?"
Stuff like that.
You seem tense.
I'll just leave you to your thoughts.
Give me a five-second head start, okay?
Love you.
I can do this.
All right, Wolfpack, make all the jokes you want.
Tess Foster the gas exhauster is ready for them.
What're you talking about?
Didn't everybody see the video?
What video?
The one of the baby monkey riding on a Segway.
I love that one.
I don't get it.
You didn't post it?
I thought you wanted to get me back.
We did at first, but then we had an online video conference...
Which seriously slowed down my frame rate on World of Warcraft.
Oh, that's the worst.
Anyways, we decided p'owning you in public wouldn't be cool.
Besides, you're a chick wrestler.
You're already weird enough.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
No worries.
Ready?
And...
Sorry I'm late.
Welcome back, Miss Foster.
Gordon, you can shut the door.
Oh, no.
It's okay, Gordon.
I'm fine with it open.
Well, I would like it shut.
Yes, but I'm fine with it open.
But I would like it shut.
I'm trying to make a point here.
Darn it, you're my best friend and I'm not letting you do this alone.
♪ Who's the team that's really fly? ♪
♪ They add, subtract and multiply ♪
♪ Go, Mathletes ♪
Did you see the bomb I dropped on that Foster kid the other day?
Yes, bro.
Epic.
Ooh, there's the Tommy kid who was making fun of him.
I think it's time for a little liquid justice.
Let me take this one, boys.
I just ate lunch at the Dumpster behind the taco stand.
I'm loaded with cheesy, beany revenge.
I love the new guy.