[♪ ♪]
Christmas decorations, now?
It's for Gaia day.
You don't want to know.
Gaia Day is the non-commercial
holiday I created years ago to teach
Billy about recycling and
the environment.
Wow.
What's this?
It's our old baby monitor.
I put one end in the Gaia compost heap.
The compost heap is Gaia Day's version of
a Christmas tree.
And then from our bedroom I play a
message from Gaia, the earth mother.
"Recycle, reuse, re-love"
Just helps with the magic of the day.
Billy doesn't actually believe in this does he-?
Gaia's eve is upon us.
Remember we have to buy the rice crackers
and celery milk to leave out for Gaia.
Did you turn the lights off in your room?
Because Gaia knows when you waste energy.
Oh. I'll do it now.
And Gaia wonders if you could
grab me a beer from the fridge.
Okay, Harry.
I like Gaia.
[♪ ♪]
Sync and corrections by atrn97g for www.addic7ed.com
Seed 2x04 - Safe Sects Original air date March 27, 2014
I broke Charlie's baby monitor.
Well I didn't break it.
Gravity did.
Zoey and Michelle have an old baby monitor
you could probably use.
We do?
Yeah they use it for Gaia Day-
no they don't.
Gaia uses it for her baby.
Baby earth.
What?
Are you going to be coming for our
Gaia Day feast, Harry?
I'm hoping I might have to work.
How about you, Rose?
Depends on the baby's nap.
Also depends on what Gaia day is.
Why don't you go play pinball
while I talk to Rose.
Okay.
Gaia day?
Let me guess, a Zoey thing?
Yeah.
Mother earth giving recycled presents.
A Christmas rip off.
Poor gullible Billy actually believes in it.
So Gaia Day isn't real?
Well, what's 'real' really?
Right?
Charlie needs his bottle.
I'll get it.
Also I wasn't the one that said
Gaia wasn't real!
Um.
I know Gaia's not real.
What do you think I am, a stupid kid?
You already knew?
Yeah, no one else at school celebrates it,
and it's soooo mom.
I guess I should tell both my Moms that
I know, right?
No, no, no, no.
Then they'll think I told you the truth.
It's getting hard to keep pretending.
And it's also kinda like lying.
Yeah, but they were lying to you first.
Gaia would want you to lie.
For your Mom's sake.
Billy believes again, right Billy?
I do, thanks Harry.
And I'm playing pinball for real this time.
Real like Gaia.
Right.
Like Gaia.
So you sure you can take Charlie for the day?
Absolutely.
Anastasia, Billy and I are going to hang out
at the mall.
What are you doing again?
I have a doctor's appointment.
It's no biggie, it's a woman thing.
Say no more.
I'm ha-
I said say no more.
I'm having a pap-
I said say no more!
[♪ ♪]
Come on in.
Hi Billy.
Hi!
You're hemming your pants.
Yes.
But you're rich.
Part of the reason wealthy people are
wealthy is because they don't spend
all their money.
And they have wives who make them
hem their own pants.
Let's go.
[Cell phone buzz]
Hello?
Hey, something's come up I need you at the bar.
I can't; I have the baby.
Get someone there to watch it.
You do this for me and you can take
your Gay day off.
Gaia day.
I need you Harry, it's an emergency.
Please.
You said, please.
Okay.
It must be serious.
I'll be there.
Ok, thanks.
Jonathan, can you watch Charlie?
I have to head back in to work later,
can't Rose help?
Nah, she's at the doctor's...
There is someone else to consider.
I kinda have to go to the mall,
sorry Harry.
Your Mom meant Zoey and Michelle.
I meant me.
You?
Yes.
Jonathan can run you past the Pour House,
he can drop off Billy when he heads in to work.
I can look after Charlie.
Really?
You?
Watching over another person?
You sure?
I am a child psychologist.
I literally have a degree in helping children.
Which is why I'm so perfect.
I didn't mean to burn myself there.
Ah, I don't know.
Give him to me.
Be brave, little brother.
Thanks for dropping him by.
Oh no problem.
Harry got called into work, and
Janet's watching the baby.
Janet?
Really?
Janet?
Can Jonathan come to Gaia day?
Gaia day?
It's a very special day that only the
super enlightened know about.
Why don't you show Jonathan
the bag of root vegetables
we hang above the door.
Sure.
We put out the vegetables
to let Gaia know that believers live here.
Gaia Day?
Zoey made up the holiday when Billy was three.
Gaia in her green hemp gown
visits all of the good
recycling children of the world,
and gives eco-friendly gifts.
Don't you think it's weird that your ten year old
still hasn't figured out that this Gaia
doesn't exist?
I, hmmm, it's-
Well he'll figure it out when he's ready.
I can't wait for Gaia to get here!
Billy, how do you think Gaia gets to all those
kids in just one night?
There's not a lot of believers,
so that actually isn't the biggest
hole in the story-
Gaia has a magical sled!
Yeah.
Pulled by endangered species?
It's fueled by recycled vegetable oil.
I'll see you on "Gaia day."
Yes.
[♪ ♪]
Hey, so what's the emergency?
I've got a chance to hook up with a guy
in my favourite band.
Okay it's my favourite cover band.
April Wine Cooler.
You made make me rush over here just so
you could sex some dude.
Wait, your favourite band is April Wine?
I thought April Wine was a cover band.
Bruce?
Rose?
I thought you had a doctor's appointment?
No, we have a date.
Rose just forgot her jacket.
I can explain, I... Where's Charlie?
I left him with Janet.
You left our baby with Janet?
You lied to me to go on a date?
You left my son with Janet?
He had to so I could have sex.
[In unison] I can't believe you did this.
Why didn't you tell me you were going on a date?
What's the big deal?
And why did you cancel with Bruce?
Don't change the subject.
You let Janet babysit without consulting me.
Janet!
I don't want Janet watching Charlie.
Sound travels through wood.
Oh, sorry, I -
No, Rose, I should apologize.
My decision to leave Charlie with a
child psychologist who is also a mother
was clearly flawed.
Why do you think I can't handle
a baby, Rose?
Yes Rose,
I too would like to hear that reason.
It's not personal, Janet.
I just want my baby to be
properly cared for and nurtured.
I mean, I don't want to take advantage of
our friendship.
Does everyone around me think I'm-
Harsh?
No, like, umm, hard-to-get-along-with.
More like aggressive?
Not good with babies.
Yes, that.
[Baby crying]
Oh, it's okay.
There there.
[Baby cries]
Charlie needs his bottle.
Can you...
[Baby cries]
Not quite settled.
[Baby cries]
[Baby quiets then giggles]
See!
Told you she was a good babysitting choice!
Who would have thought Janet would have been
so good with Charlie?
Me, that's who.
As you mentioned.
Twenty times on the way here.
You should have asked me first.
Maybe next time don't lie to me
about going on a date.
I don't lie.
Says the woman whose mother still doesn't
know she used a sperm donor.
I'll tell her eventually.
You just have to pretend to be my boyfriend
for a couple more years.
We've been through this.
You're going to date.
I'm going to date.
No big deal.
But this was going to be THE date.
'The' date?
The sex date.
Aren't all dates after the first time
you have sex, sex dates?
This was going to be the first-time sex date?!
Yeah.
You've been dating for almost two months.
This should be the pregnancy scare date.
Has he seen your ankles yet, Queen Victoria?
Oh, hey.
Okay.
Look, I'm your friend maybe I can help.
I don't know, it just feels
too early to have sex with him.
It's like what, nine-thirty?
[♪ ♪]
Hey, what did you want to see me about?
Got the holiday blues?
This is not a holiday.
Look, Gaia has got to go.
I've always thought it was crazy,
but it was our family private crazy.
And now Zoey has invited everyone over to celebrate.
It's embarrassing.
It's not that bad.
It's a fake holiday.
This is how cults start.
So maybe tell Billy there is no Gaia.
Well, I was kind of hoping
that you would do it.
That way if Zoey finds out,
I'm in the clear.
That's low.
And Billy already knows the truth.
I told him.
Thank Gaia.
I was starting to think that Billy was slow.
And thank you for being an idiot.
Oh, hello Zoey.
Billy forgot his backpack when
he was over here with Harry.
Of course, come in.
Zoey, do you think I'm maternal?
Absolutely.
Do you think Billy is too old to believe in a
magical spirit that watches over us?
No, of course not.
Oh, good.
So Jonathan told you about Gaia?
Gaia?
I thought you meant God.
It's normal to believe in these things
that defy logic right?
Well...
Billy is almost ten.
I mean maybe he's just not as
advanced as the other kids.
He is.
I'm just really good at creating
convincing mythologies.
It's me being smart, not him being dumb.
Okay.
He is a bit old, right?
I'm sure he'll figure it out very soon.
[♪ ♪]
Hey, I tried to call.
Still not dressed?
Something's come up.
Can you babysit tonight?
By something, do you mean...?
Bruce has the night off from his son Kyle,
and I'm having a great hair day.
We're going to do it.
Sex, I mean.
On each other.
Why are you whispering?
Cause people don't need to know I plan
to have sex.
Look, the babysitter's off in an hour,
can you take Charlie?
Uh, I can't today or tonight.
Working?
Plans with Billy?
Anastasia?
So all this big talk about how I can
talk to you, come to you
with a favour, and now you're
cock-blo-
Wait, what's the female version
of that?
Clam jamming?
Look, you're just going to have to
deal with the fact that I am completely
comfortable with my blossomed sexuality.
Okay.
Have fun bumping uglies.
Gross.
And I can't believe you won't watch Charlie-
Harry?
Come back to bed!
Oh.
Yeah, so I can't tonight.
Why wouldn't you just say you were
having a sex date?
Cause I just call them dates.
And I didn't want things to get awkward.
Sorry.
Carry on!
Wasn't trying to clam jam you!
What?!
[♪ ♪]
You know there is no Gaia.
No, no I don't.
Harry told me.
You believed in Gaia too?
No, I mean Harry told me you know
there is no Gaia.
Why did he do that?
We had a good thing going.
You lied to get more presents?
Egg cartons with soil in them to grow
my own peas?
The presents are terrible.
I lied because Mom Zoey really likes
Gaia Day.
Just please don't tell her I know.
She does really like it.
Okay. We'll do Gaia Day one last time and then
wait a couple months and then just
tell her you figured it out.
Deal.
Just don't let her know that you know.
Got it!
[♪ ♪]
Hey, can you help me out with something?
You're so smart.
We lock the doors at night, right?
How does Gaia get in?
Through the magical doorway created by the ferns.
So why does no one else ever see Gaia?
Because she's covered in the smog and pollutants
created by the big corporations.
That's what you said.
Wow, I'm good at this.
But why no reports in the newspaper about Gaia
or Gaia day?
Because the media doesn't want to address
the issue of environmentalism.
Good night, mom.
And 'May Gaia be with you.'
'In the earth below, and sky above.'
How can a smart kid be so gullible?
I thought about it, and to show that I'm
cool with you and Bruce, I asked my date for
a rain check.
And it turns out a 'rain check' is a
euphemism for...
never mind.
I'm not into it.
But now I can watch Charlie!
Charlie's not here.
Hey Harry.
Where's the baby?
Um...
[Baby cries]
Just, give him back to me.
[Baby giggles]
You're like the baby whisperer.
You left the baby with Janet,
so you could have sex!
We were going to have sex tonight?
Cool.
Oh, that's why you didn't want to
have Indian food.
[♪ ♪]
Well we're glad you could come.
You're just in time for the egg hunt.
What do eggs have to do with Gaia?
What do eggs have to do with the
Easter Bunny?
All kids love egg hunts.
Especially smart kids like Billy.
OK, I'm worried about our son.
He is ten.
He should have figured out there is no Gaia.
Billy probably knows Gaia isn't real, babe.
Yeah, but if he knew, he would have
told one of us.
He didn't tell you, did he?
No.
Well don't worry, I have a plan
to get Billy to understand there
is no Gaia.
I will force him to see the truth.
I don't know how long I can
keep pretending I don't know
about Gaia.
It would just be easier if I
told my Mom the truth.
Just because something is easy
doesn't mean that it's right.
Yes, you should tell the truth, Billy.
Oh really.
People should tell the truth?
Not get angry when people do the
right thing?
See, Rose got mad at me for having Janet watch
baby Charlie, but when Rose wanted
some "special time" with her boyfriend Bruce,
Rose got Janet to watch him.
I haven't had special time
since I got pregnant.
I didn't even have special time when
I got pregnant.
So cut me some slack.
Sorry, I'm sorry.
Hey, I'd like to help you guys,
but I have my own problems.
It's getting hard to pretend I think
Gaia is real.
We just have to get through this Gaia Day.
You know how much Zoey loves all this.
Hello, good humans, I'm Gaia,
the Earth Goddess.
I'm the real one.
I'm not someone dressed as me.
Do people start drinking early on Gaia day?
What's your name, young environmentalist?
I'm Billy.
I wish my Mom Zoey was here to see this!
Look everyone, Gaia is real!
Seriously?
Why don't we go try and find her?
I thought Bruce was coming by?
He's going to be late.
Look, I can take Charlie as long as
you need, so you and Bruce
can find some special time...
wait, did you already boink Bruce?
Can we not talk about this around
other people, and in front
of Charlie?
And "boink?"
[♪ ♪]
Where is your other mother, Billy?
I only see Michelle.
I guess she's upstairs.
Let's go see her together.
She'll come down when she's ready.
Really?
Oh, my poor son.
Okay enough.
Zoey he knows.
I know you're not Gaia.
You can stop now.
He's known for a while.
He knew?
You knew he knew?
Why would you two conspire against me?
To make you feel better.
But that's wrong.
To make a big lie to bring joy to the lives
of other people.
Oh, right.
Uh huh.
Hey, can you watch Charlie while
Rose and I go inside?
We're going to talk about her sex life,
but she doesn't want anyone to know.
No, I can't watch him.
That baby loves me.
That's great.
No it's not.
Every time I let him go, he starts crying,
and everyone expects me to keep watching him.
But you want to watch him.
Not anymore.
I only did it so that people to know I'm
kind, caring, and nurturing.
Without having to actually be kind,
caring, and nurturing.
You're not as dumb as you look.
Actually you are, I was just being kind.
Weird that my Mom is actually a good mom.
She's just naturally maternal.
Now can you watch Charlie?
I gotta go talk to Rose.
But I just said that-
Of course.
I love being a Mom.
OK baby.
I shouldn't have gotten so mad that
you had Janet watch the baby that first time,
and I shouldn't have lied about my
date with Bruce.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
And I shouldn't have taken Charlie to Janet
without talking to you.
Eh, that was a good decision.
Hey, is that the baby monitor?
Maybe I can borrow it after this kooky
holiday is over.
Good for you that you had the sex.
It's clearly calmed and relaxed you.
Can we not talk about this anymore?
The leaf stitching looks professional.
Hi, I'm Bruce, Rose invited me.
You must be Gaia the Earth Goddess.
Yes.
And I'm also Billy's Mom.
And this is Michelle.
Hi.
Bruce.
Hey, this looks more like the transmitter part.
Nope, I don't think so.
So...
was the sex good?
I said I don't want to talk about it.
Oh, so not so good.
Is that coming from the compost heap?
It was our first time.
The sex will get better.
I'd give it a four.
Out of five?
Out of ten.
Is that compost heap discussing my sex life?
It's a Gaia Day miracle.
You are such a good mother.
Can I go over to-
No.
Do you try to be so awful?
I am not awful-
[Baby cries]
Yes!
Keep crying baby, keep crying-
See I'm awful at this.
Harry Potter?
Not real.
Oxygen?
Real.
Atlantis?
Not real.
Santa Claus?
It was great.
Really?
Really, and believe me,
no-one needs to know about our
sex life but us.
Absolutely.
Sync and corrections by atrn97g for www.addic7ed.com
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