Miss Pettitt.
Your commitment and knowledge are, without doubt, exemplary...
..but, I'm afraid some members of the panel felt...
Was it the hobby question?
That was unfortunate, but, er...
..one reference described you as...
.."in your face and gobby."
I don't get bullied.
Mmm.
However, you also had a reference from Will Carlisle QC who says...
"She is the brightest legal mind of her generation."
Will is a colleague and a friend.
I think you'll find his name opens doors.
It certainly swayed the panel.
Congratulations, Ms Pettitt.
It seems you are going to be the youngest ever female Recorder
to serve the English court system.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Very few of us make it so, do me a favour, Lila...
..shut up.
And when you do open your mouth, talk nice,
particularly to senior judges.
Reputation is all...
..especially for a lady.
All right?
How's your brother?
Yeah. Good, man. Clean.
("Million Miles" by Dizraeli plays)
♪ We're a million years old
♪ We're a billion light years gone
♪ And we'll sit here, turn to stone... ♪
Mornin', ma. Owdy body...?
Home office don't write to me...
Excuse me.
♪ We're a billion light years gone. ♪
I'll bring papers, Judge,
and let Angela, our clerk, know you're here.
Sorry, I didn't get a coffee. Could I, er...?
The coffee machine is actually new.
Judge O'Leary keeps his books at home,
so you'll have a nice clear desk.
OK.
Excuse me?
Could you tell me who the judge is here?
It's me. I'm the judge.
Yes, but could you tell me who the judge is? It's important.
Excuse me. We're not open for business yet.
What do you want?
Justice.
I want justice.
Someone...
Help!
Hello! For fuck's sake!
Whoa, whoa, calm down, Judge.
What are you doing over here with the plebs, Lila?
Trying to get a coffee. Congratulations...
Couldn't have happened to a nicer girl, could it, Mark?
Have you got a coin?
Now, everybody knows it's all box ticking and equal ops nowadays.
It bloody is! Aw, did he fail?
No comment, no comment.
No! No, it's not my cup of tea.
Anyway, what chance, poor little moi -
privately educated and no tits.
He failed. Listen, sweetheart,
I can remember when you were wearing short skirts
and batting your lids at list officers in Maidstone Mags.
Excuse me. Hello, are you the...?
Whether you like it or not, Guy, I will be sitting up there,
on my fanny, with my tits in front of me, dispensing justice.
Have you got a quid? Oh, yeah, yeah.
And any arrogant little public school barrister
who tries to show off, time wastes or tries to get one over on me
is going to get his arse kicked.
Er, white, no sugar, please.
My court will be modern, user-friendly,
and spookily bloody fair.
I will spread the word, Judge. Good luck.
Truly, I quake... Thanks, Mark.
I have a murder rap and VAT frauds,
slightly beyond your jurisdiction methinks.
Oh, right. Someone said you were Guy Fallon, Prosecution,
Mrs Pereira cake shop robbery?
Yeah, well, that's... Indeed, he is Guy Fallon, methinks.
Yeah? Great. The case worker wants to talk to you.
It's, er...my first Crown Court trial. I'm a bit, erm, you know...
Come on, let's go.
No, you've got my...
Hey, Charlie, guess what?
Judge, I hope you don't mind me pointing this out,
but you really shouldn't be in the public area.
Sorry, I know, I was just trying to get...
It's not protocol. Right.
(speaking Portuguese)
Hello, Hussein, and good morning to you, Mrs Pereira.
I am Niall Burton, your barrister.
Barrister?
Does she speak any English? No English.
Ah, the interpreter. Hello.
You fuckers are all the same man! Probation too.
You guys have no respect.
And one day it's gonna come back and it's gonna hurt you, man,
it's gonna bust your arse!
I need a change of clothes, man.
I wet myself.
Ah, Judge!
Welcome, welcome, Miss Pettitt.
I just wanted to check that you're settling in
and that you're happy with our little ways.
Simon's looking after me extremely well, thank you, Judge.
Angela sent papers last night, we have a...
a sentence, a bail breach...
Er, I'm sure, I'm sure...
things might be a little more fluid than anticipated,
but, er, have you ordered lunch?
No. Hmm?
Take a bit of advice from an old-timer
and plump for the pork and cider. Am I right, Simon?
You're right, Judge.
And, er, silly little thing...
What, my gold chain?!
You're right. It's, erm...
..bling.
Bling!
Good luck, Lila.
And, er...I recommend you keep up the pace.
Morning. Judge.
I didn't have the heart to tell him about the nipple piercings
and the special tattoo.
Come on, man, it's your big day out!
My dog's suffering.
No-one's fed him in three days.
Get your brother to go round.
I'm not letting that psycho anywhere near him, man!
You know Justin's a pedigree!
He can hang off a branch for over a minute with his teeth.
No-one messes with you when you got a dog like that.
All right, mate...
I'll get security to bring you some more gear.
Come on, man, psych up!
Three days' time, you could be hanging out,
watching Justin shit on the pavement.
I fucked up, man.
I went out of my league.
You need another word with your brief, Tyler?
What's the point?
He's just some poof.
Excuse me, Judge.
I hope you're a fast reader, ma'am, cos...little change of plan...
Aggravated Burglary with... What's going on?
May I be informal, Judge?
A little tip...
..if the Resident Judge says, "fluid,"
it means you are going to be, erm...
Fucked over?
Your words, Judge, but...yes.
With all due respect,
"food poisoning" may mean Tarquin's school speech day
or an earlier flight to Val d'Isere.
Hearsay, of course.
Judge.
We're ready for you now.
All rise.
In the case of the Crown v Repton, the indictment contains two counts.
Forgive me, but where's the defendant?
Apologies, Your Honour,
it seems that Mr Repton is currently refusing to appear
because he doesn't feel properly dressed.
Meaning?
Lacking in trousers and shirt.
Well, I wouldn't want to stand up in front of you lot
in just my knickers.
What's being done about it?
Your Honour, I've called Probation.
Your Honour,
SEC4 are refusing to supply Mr Repton with regulation issue.
I'm, er, on my way to access some clothing for his appearance.
Does that mean you're going to Primark, Mr Reilly?!
My apologies to the court, Your Honour, for the delay.
Thank you, Mr Reilly, we'll take it from here. Simon.
She's new.
No shit.
My son's PE kit is in my car. (PE=physical education)
Would you get it, please?
I gave my cousin a job in my shop
to sell cheese and, er, ham and,
erm, these delicious little pastries, erm...
What!?
She sells what?
Custard creams.
The defendant took the victim's tablet, laptop, camera
and mobile phone from the lounge,
while Mrs Calder and her two children
were asleep in adjacent bedrooms.
Mrs Calder attempted to wrest the items from Mr Repton's possession.
She was pushed, kicked and hit by the defendant.
Er, we would like, with your permission, Your Honour,
to present the tablet, laptop and camera
seized by the police as evidence for the crown.
No phone?
No, Your Honour.
On the 25th and 30th March and the 4th, 5th and 6th of April,
the defendant rang Danni Calder at home and threatened her,
stating that if she didn't drop the charges he would,
"smash her face and batter the kids so bad she wouldn't recognise them."
...he took all the time ham and wine.
My cousin is a drug addict.
He's a drug addict?!
He takes drugs and she helped him.
She helps him take drugs?
What the hell is she saying?
It's all "blah, blah, blah".
She is a bit upset, you know.
But don't worry - I will only translate what is relevant.
I think I should point out here that Interpretation Services
have been outsourced to, ah, Servitous...
a company that does parking fines, Your Honour, and TV licenses so...
Lunch!
All rise.
None of my business, but I know someone who speaks Portuguese.
Come in.
Oh, hi.
Red book? Simon said that you hadn't got one.
Thanks.
You defended my dad.
Um, Mr Aziz - yeah, I remember.
And I did a talk at your school.
You want to be a criminal barrister.
No. Oh?
Well, it's too long, the training.
And it's so expensive.
Oh, Judge...lunch is off. What?!
The judges' dining room is full of environmental health.
No lie, it's like CSI Investigates in there.
Someone...urinated in the soup.
What?!
Mrs Repton?
Excuse me...but we're working on behalf of your son's solicitors.
Can you help him?
Yes, I think we can.
The, er, technical equipment that's been referred to,
did he pass any of that on to you?
The phone, for instance?
No. This is the first time I've seen my son in two years.
Is it?
But you know where he lives?
What the hell is fat porn?
Oh, God!
Well, that's not porn for fat people, is it?
That's just real life...
Oh, God, Jen, I've gotta go.
Excuse me, Will?
Lila! How are you?
Good, yeah - this is my first day as a...a Recorder.
Today? Hmm. How's it going?
Er, extremely well and totally terrifying.
No, no, no, that's a good sign.
I was, um, a little too forthright at the interview,
and your reference completely swung it. So, thanks.
It's a pleasure! Hey, this is an auspicious day.
Come to lunch!
Oh, no, I've got to work.
I'm so indebted to you.
Oh, please, Counsellor. You've made your point.
It's a pleasure.
I, erm, I thought you were at the Bailey.
I am, technically, but I'm over here for a lunch with David Clarence
and some other people - who actually I'd really love you to meet.
In fact, I insist. As your mentor.
Er, thanks but I'm not sure - first day, protocol...
Of course, of course, of course, I understand.
Well, good luck. Thanks.
Actually, I would love to meet David Clarence on another occasion,
if that's...? You know, I could just ring Judge Lovell,
make sure it's all above board?
Oh, God. Come on.
I could just have a starter?
Exactly.
Pea soup!
Pea soup?
No, pee soup?
Pee soup!
What was that?
It's from the Home Office.
They want to send Elvira's son back to Angola. It's bad there.
Hey, maybe you could, like, help?
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Although I don't know much about immigration law.
No. Well, forget it.
But, you know, we could go for a drink and discuss it or...
No, thanks, I don't drink.
Elvira, what's she saying? I've got to go.
She said 'ser uma droga' - it means he's a dead loss, not a drug addict.
Oh, fuck!
Sorry, sorry.
And then, David Clarence - now a member of the Supreme Court.
How do you do? Hello.
Congratulations on the Kovensky case.
Oh, thank you. The champagne's on David, of course.
In fact, he may even own the vineyard...
Will, stop it.
..so make the most of it.
Ashrav Derby MP for Hillingdon...
Hi. And finally, Mark, who you must know, of course,
from 10 Queen's Street. Yes.
Am I interrupting - it's a special occasion? Not at all...
It is a special occasion!
We are celebrating David's accession to the throne -
thank you so much - and...your first day as a judge!
Congratulations, Lila. Thank you. Well done.
Lila, David is putting together a committee on sentencing
and mental health issues.
Lila did the most wonderful paper on similar procedures
in European courts. Really?
Would you be so kind as to bung me over some details
and we could start a little chat.
Yeah, course. I'd be delighted. Thank you.
The jury has been given false evidence.
Some of which is prejudicial to the defendant.
Well, more of a wrong interpretation...
It's a bloody mistrial!
Do you know how much that will cost the taxpayer?
£25,000.
Go away!
Can I just...? Get out!
So, I was taking instruction from a Frankie Voight in his cell.
Do you remember that sadist, Mark? Yah, yah.
He was up for double murder.
Anyway, he's sitting there bullshitting for England one minute
and the next he clutches his heart,
gives a little yelp and falls off his chair.
So, I say, "Oh, come on, Frankie, leave it for the jury,"
but he doesn't move. I ring the bell, no-one comes,
so I karate chop him on the chest
and give him mouth-to-mouth.
Oh, no! I mean, seriously, he'd died and I resurrected him!
I mean, I'd worked bloody hard on that case.
I mean, no-one likes a little thing like death
to get in the way of a possible win. You're wicked.
Excuse me, I've got to take this. Hello.
What's going on here, Mark?
Lobbying.
You're his protege. Row, row, row your boat.
People are drowning out there.
And you?
I'm just an errand boy.
So, how are you?
Really good. This has been, this has been great.
Good. I've got to go. New girl - peachy keen.
Really?
I didn't order that.
Oh, come on!
And, nowadays, we all should embrace the marketplace,
the consumer choice, all that sort of thing.
But a criminal can go the whole way through the system,
the entire thing from arrest to sentence without a barrister
even getting to hear about the case...
Exactly, listen, Ashrav, I'm a man for competition and open access,
but, you know, bad solicitor advocates
putting junior barristers out of work is not 'best value'!
No. Because advocacy is a calling
and I think the British public deserve better,
than to be palmed off with amateur generalists
representing them in court.
I mean...it's like inviting your GP to do brain surgery!
Sorry, I, erm, have to go, I have a vulnerable witness to deal with,
I'm really sorry.
It was a pleasure to meet you, Judge. Likewise.
I look forward to being of use.
Hi.
You're not allowed in here.
Are you OK?
You just rushed off.
Look, Will, I...I think there's been some sort of mistake.
I mean, what was going on?!
Look, I'm, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I jumped you there...
..but, come on...
This is nice, isn't it? No. No. I'm sorry. This is good?
I'm sorry, I really respect and admire you, but... Hey...
Come on, please? Shh...
I've never given off any...
It's OK. Stop. It's OK!
God, you felt so good, I just had to come after you,
I was so turned on... Will, please...
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't get uptight, Judge.
It's, it's OK.
Oh, my God, you've got the most beautiful...
For fuck's sake! What are you fucking doing?
Hi.
Lila, are you OK?
Yes, thanks.
I'm so sorry to just come charging in, but...
I was concerned after what happened at lunch.
You...you were behaving kind of strangely.
I was worried.
Sorry.
Thank you.
Did you manage to get some lunch?
We need to get on, Simon. I indicated to the complainant
we might be through by the end of the day.
No, no, no, I need to announce you!
All rise.
Your Honour, I'm afraid my learned friend Mr Peters has withdrawn.
He is professionally embarrassed, I had a break in my diary,
I've been asked to step in and...we are happy to proceed.
Thank you for your swift response, Mr Carlisle.
Simon, could you bring up a jury panel?
We'll swear in and open.
Oh! I'm sorry, I'm just...
No, please, don't, don't worry.
A new glass of water for Mrs Calder, please.
Mrs Calder,
we are looking for the truth here, so there is nothing to fear.
Please, take your time.
Thank you.
SHE SIGHS
Now, you knew Tyler Repton before the night of 13th March,
didn't you, Mrs Calder?
Well...he'd done some decorating for me. Had he?
So, not a masked stranger, smashing his way into the flat,
but your decorator, who you knew well.
I didn't know him. He was recommended by a friend,
who knew him from, erm...St Jude's gym.
Your gym, in fact.
Where you'd seen him, working out, before you offered him a little job.
He was recommended.
He painted my hall.
For which you didn't pay him.
I did! I...I did pay him!
Maybe not immediately, because he wanted cash.
I paid him! You're recently divorced.
So joining a gym was a good idea, wasn't it?
Well...yes.
Plenty of fit young men?
Tyler was your toy boy, wasn't he?
No! He hit me!
And he threatened to hurt my kids if I didn't drop the charges!
I would ask that you put your questions
in a more considered manner, Mr Carlisle.
Would you like to take a moment, Mrs Calder?
Of course, Your Honour.
So, Tyler sent you text messages asking for payment
and you responded, yes?
With sexual suggestions... Please that's just...
..because Tyler had already ended the relationship
and although he texted you numerous times,
you simply wouldn't accept it.
So, on the night, the 13th of March my client came to the house,
with a bottle of wine - receipt 16a in your bundle, Your Honour -
he rang the doorbell... No, he broke in!
Ah - in their report, the police say, "Little sign of break-in."
Perhaps because you let Tyler in,
you drank his wine and you gave him the tablet, camera, mobile and laptop
for the money owed... No! He stole the stuff...
..already drunk, you got drunker,
then you started making love to him...
We fought. He shoved me down - banged my head on the table!
You banged your head on the table during the love-making,
isn't that right, Mrs Calder?
You had sex with him,
there on the table, with your children in the next room!
No! Never near the kids!
Never near the kids?
We did have sex twice, that's all.
Away from the house, I would never...
He was kind...
..nice to my kids, but I never thought that he'd...
Ah, the truth.
You'll be relieved to hear it, members of the jury.
Now, I'd like you to take a look at the young black boy in the dock.
And then, please, take a look at Mrs Calder -
well-dressed, moneyed...
..and ten years older than my client!
The truth is, this boy didn't intimidate you, Mrs Calder.
You intimidated him!
You made up the robbery, the violence,
the threats against your children.
He didn't ring you. You rang him, threatening to bring charges
unless he came back to your love-nest.
My ex-husband will stop the money. He'll take the kids!
Mr Carlisle, I think it's time we moved on.
Your Honour, jury members -
a woman used to having everything
has exploited this disadvantaged young man
and used him as her sexual plaything.
And when things don't go her way,
she wants to use the law against him.
Mrs Calder, you are just another woman
who thinks she has a right to have it all without ever paying!
Stop shouting at her!
Stop!
I think the witness would benefit from ten minutes' adjournment.
I never would have said you smoked, Judge.
I don't.
Neither do I.
I'm serious, Miss, my dad would literally kill me.
OK.
What about like, truth and justice and all of that?
What about it?
What about judges who hand out 30 years like a ham sandwich,
then go home and sleep like a baby?
When you look at that judge up there, don't you want his job?
Don't you think, "I can do that, only better?"
You don't understand, Miss.
I'm a chip off the old block.
I've broken the law. You see, Judge Lovell... Don't...
Don't tell me.
Go and find a lawyer, sort it out and then come back to me.
OK.
One more thing, Judge. Sorry, Kali, I really got to go.
All due respect, but...I've got a spare pair of new tights in my bag.
Mr Carlisle, am I right in assuming
that the defence rests almost solely
on claims of a relationship between Mrs Calder and Mr Repton.
Largely. So, where's your case, Mr Carlisle?
I've been pouring through my bundles and finding an evidential hole.
But we have the complainant's own admission.
Two instances of sexual intercourse don't make for a "relationship",
and it doesn't mean that he was invited in.
You don't have either phone?
No.
Mrs Calder, how old is your son?
15.
And he has no computer?
No, he does have a computer.
Do you ever use it to download your phone data?
I think he downloads everything.
So, no-one thought to ask if there was another computer in the house?
There is evidence out there that is pertinent to this trial,
and neither the Crown nor the defence have bothered
to do their job properly and obtain it.
Your case rests on this, Mr Carlisle.
I'm forced to adjourn and discharge the jury.
Er, Your Honour, may I address you on the subject of bail?
After all, with the technical examination,
it could be four months before we return to court.
The Crown object to bail, Your Honour.
Tyler Repton is accused of witness intimidation,
there's no-one to stand surety...
Can he come home to me, Your Honour?
I will agree bail with the defendant resident
at his mother's house with tag and curfew,
not to go within a two-mile radius of Mrs Calder's residence.
Result.
How did you do that?
Come on, Tyler. You're going home.
What about Justin, man?
I mean, bail says I can't get near the flat.
You want me to feed your dog?
For fuck's sake...
So, it was the big man himself in your court today.
Yeah.
Isn't that a conflict of interests?
He was my reference, Guy.
No, I mean, his Old Bailey case, and your girl...
Danni Calder? Danni Calder, yeah.
She's the sister of the murder victim on his Bailey case.
Seems weird that, uh?
Just you know.
Your court being squeaky clean, spookily bloody fair - all that.
Sorry, sorry to be late.
Hi, bunny. Hello.
Oh, God...I've got you something for that...
Hey.
Let's go.
Justin.
Hello, mate.
Hello, mate. Hello, Justin.
You're just a big pussycat.
Aren't you, yeah? That's what you are.
Hi.
Proper drink this time? Thanks.
So, welcome to my party. Well, Pontefract's party.
Will Carlisle is our head of chambers,
though I have to say, the mantle of the fiery vanquisher has yet to...
He makes you serve the drinks, does he?
Well, d'ya know...?
I like it here. Near the fizz.
Erm...I was wondering what he was doing earlier in the...?
..great bloke, Will.
Very, er...helpful.
She really wasn't sure what she said!
Excuse me, Will. Could I have a word?
I didn't know you were invited.
I wasn't.
Of course.
Er, would you excuse us?
Very cool, that was my wife
and the Chair of the Bar Council you just ignored.
I don't care.
Really? No.
I think that you assume that I'm so wildly ambitious,
and you are so important to my career calculations
that I wouldn't rock the boat.
Far from it.
How did you end up in Court Seven today?
Got a call from my clerk.
Peters was professionally embarrassed...
Danni Calder is the sister of the victim in your murder trial.
So what? She's not being called as a witness.
What are you insinuating?
Are you accusing me of unprofessional conduct?
What would you call what happened at lunch today?
I mean...what was that?
I was rash. Don't worry. We'll be fine.
No, Will.
There is no "we".
There was an assault, there's a witness.
An assault?! Do you want to ruin my career?
Do you want to ruin yours? OK, would you have done what you did
if I wasn't the judge on the Calder case?
Are you suggesting there's some connection between...
..what happened at lunchtime and my cross-examination?
Because one - do you know how paranoid that sounds?
And two...that's slander.
You're a bully.
You and I both know
that if I can't make Mother Teresa look like a whore,
I can't earn a bloody living!
All I have is my reputation, Lila.
I'm penniless without it.
Yes, exactly. So am I.
What gave you the right to possibly ruin my career
and to destroy my trust...
..and my respect for you?
My wife hates me... Don't... My son's ill.
Are those the sort of psychological motivators you were looking for?
Truth is, I think I'm a bit in love with you.
Don't give me that shit. You barely know me.
I don't want you to be my mentor.
Don't do this, Lila.
You can't get where you want to go on your own.
Yes. I can.
TV: 'United have been...'
His big brother has caused us some heartache
and Tyler came under his influence for a while.
That's fair to say, Tyler?
Mum...
Well, you need to talk. I'll get some tea.
You.
Where's the fucking phone, Tyler?
Where's the fucking money, you prick?
It's not at your flat.
You'll never find it.
We'll never find it?
Yeah. You and Brains, here...
'Daily court proceedings 20th May 2013, Crown vs Repton.'
'I will agree bail, with the defendant resident
'at his mother's house, with tag and curfew...'
'Result.
'How did you do that?
'With a full house, of course,
'they're going to try and take you down...
'First day, bit of a show-off, wants to prove who's boss?
'Bingo. Now, get me...
'Hey, shut up.
'Better switch the bloody thing off now...'
Fucking hell! What the...?
Boo! Ahh! You shit!
I just came to put you to bed, Your Honour.
You shouldn't be here.
Oh, I'm only here as a courier.
Thanks.
Thought I'd better bring your boy's PE kit home.
So...
..how was your first day?
No-one got away with it.
You all right?
Clay, I might...
Could you listen to something for me?
I might be being paranoid, but I...
No. No, don't.
I'm sorry, darlin', but you compromise yourself and then...
Well, I won't be able to come over and fuck your lights out any more.
I don't think I'm up for that tonight. OK.
Did you get the phone?
We dealt with it.
You're my hobby.
Oh, yeah? Thanks.
What, you mean like flower arranging?
More like bungee jumping.
OK, I can go with that.
I am pretty fucking wild.