HMP Pentonville in London.
Over 1,200 male prisoners.
Just a mile down the road, HMP Holloway.
Over 450 female prisoners.
SHE SHOUTS
Urgh!
Over a whole year, for the first time on television,
the BBC has followed repeat offenders inside these jails...
Another day in paradise, eh?
And outside on release.
Michael in Pentonville, and his fiancee Chloe in Holloway,
hope to go straight together once they're free.
Michael and me are getting married.
It was love at first sight.
But a relationship behind bars is very different to the challenge
of the outside world.
Everything I said I would do I didn't do, and everything
I said I wouldn't do I managed to do.
All I want is you to be out there getting back on track.
Do it.
Ben has come to jail by choice.
It's the quickest that way I thought I could get some help,
cos out in the community it takes for ever to get off the drugs.
Jayde is just 18, but she's in prison for the eighth time.
I suppose I've always been a prison person.
Jayde thinks of this place as home now.
Half of prisoners from Britain's jails re-offend within one year.
Each has their own story.
This programme contains strong language and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting
Pentonville Prison.
OFFICER SHOUTS ORDERS
Staff devote what time they can to preparing prisoners for release,
but they also deal with incidents of violence or self-harm daily.
Today, a prisoner is refusing to leave to go to another jail.
He's actually put a barricade up in his cell to prevent us
from going and getting him in his cell.
He has to go today. The team will go in
and they will place hands on him.
Now, a whole team of officers will have to get him out the hard way.
Can you stand in the back of the cell, please?
Stand at the back of the cell.
Giving you one last chance.
Are you going to come now and report to reception?
No? OK.
An officer is also required to film every planned
intervention for safety and training.
- MALE PRISONER: - I'm not going!
Incidents like these are commonplace at Pentonville,
and soon, the prisoner is on his way out.
Just one of 7,500 who come in and out of this jail each year.
Every new prisoner must come through reception.
Being a female on the front desk, I think it actually helps them a bit.
I mean, it's not very good for the street cred, is it,
to hit me or spit at me or something like that. It's not good.
One new arrival, Ben Knowlden, has chosen to come to jail.
I've been in jail 11 times. This is my 12th time in jail.
- PRODUCER: - How old are you?
25.
I'm in for... It's a theft. I stole some money out of the safe at work.
- Why? - I'm a drug addict.
I take crack and heroin, and basically,
I just want to get off it and it's the quickest way that I thought
I could get some help, cos out in the community it takes for ever
to get off the drugs.
And it takes for ever to try and get into rehab
and stuff like that, so I thought if I come to prison
and end up in court, I might be able to get court-ordered rehab
or something along them lines and detox myself off the drugs in prison
- so that I'm drug-free. - You deliberately committed that theft
so that you could get in jail so you could get the help you needed?
Yeah, pretty much.
A mile down the road, staff have their own problems to face.
Jayde West has already been in Holloway four times in the last
year on short sentences for drunken fights or stealing.
Inside prison, she has a history of self-harm and a violent temper.
SHE SHOUTS
But this time, one thing is different.
Now she is classed as a prolific offender,
she faces a longer sentence than before.
She'll be here for months and fears she'll now lose her beloved pet dog.
Every time that she's come in, we'll have periods of anxiety from her.
When she's outside, she has nothing.
Her biggest relationship is with her dog.
It is quite sad, yeah.
Man, they're trying to get rid of my BLEEP dog, mate. Watch, man.
- I'm going to BLEEP go off my nut. - You're not going to go off your nut.
Why are they trying to get rid of your dog?
Because I've only got until the 18th,
and if I don't get back they're going to get rid of him.
Yeah, but you've thought this so many other times, Jayde.
Yeah, but I know I'm not going to get bail,
cos I'm in here for breaching my bail.
- But you thought you'd lost it last time. - If I lose my dog,
I'm going to kill myself, mate, watch.
- Jayde? Jayde. - I don't even care no more.
That dog's the only thing that stops me from BLEEP slitting my wrists.
- Do you know what I mean? - I know.
But it's got to be your reason for getting out
and not coming back in again. Every time you come in here,
there's going to be a risk that you'll lose your dog.
Having the longer sentence, it's made her realise
what's going to happen, and that will get longer
and longer and longer, so I think she's got her choice now.
This is her crossroads.
Pentonville and Holloway are only a mile apart,
but to two prisoners, it feels more like 1,000.
Michael McAllister is on remand in Pentonville.
He's 44, and has a record of drug-related crimes stretching
back to his 20s.
Down the road in Holloway Prison is Michael's fiancee Chloe.
She's 24 and also has a long history of offending with drugs.
They are charged with committing a serious offence together,
a violent street robbery.
Their trial will be in five months' time.
Michael and Chloe have plans. They want to go straight
once they're free.
So when we get out things are going to be different,
definitely from my point of view, and I know from his as well.
I've got things to look forward to. You know what I mean?
I've got a life to look forward to with Chloe, a future.
Michael and me are getting married. He proposed to me
at Christmas and we were planning to have a long engagement,
but because of everything that's happened we're going to go ahead
with it when we get out.
Yeah, it was love at first sight.
Me and Chloe, we write to each other three times a week.
This is all Chloe's drawings since she's been in prison.
She drew these things for me.
She actually is quite a talented artist.
That's Chloe the day we got arrested.
That's taken in Covent Garden police station.
And then the next one is me when I got arrested,
the day I got arrested.
As you can see, I look the picture of health(!)
Every man I've been with before, it has always started off good
for a couple of months and then it's gone into violence,
or there's always been some sort of reason why
the man wanted to be with me, whereas Michael just wanted me for me.
For prisoners, phone calls from one jail to another can be hard
to arrange. This morning in Pentonville, Michael is
waiting for a connection to Chloe in Holloway.
Poxy, isn't it, prison phone?
You know, they've had me waiting here for ages.
Tried to phone the prison, not got through, try to phone again,
not got through. Went on the office phone, got straight through.
Thanks, Gov, nice one.
Hello, babe.
Oh, so am I. I'm buzzing.
Did you like your card? I thought you would.
I miss you, baby.
Do they? I miss you so much now.
Three and a half months is a long time, babe.
You're my world, you know, baby.
I love you so much, babe.
Listen, get your inter-prison phone call for me. Oh. Gutted.
Cut me off.
Lauren Stevens has been coming in and out of Holloway for 22 years.
She has multiple convictions for shoplifting to fund a crack
and heroin habit.
Right, fish is 'C'. Is fish 'C'?
But things are changing.
For the first time ever, she's working inside prison,
serving the evening meal for her fellow prisoners.
Do you want gravy, love?
I'm hoping this is my last time. I really am hoping,
hoping, hoping, hoping this is my last time.
I mean, I have been coming to prison since I was, what, 23?
In and out, in and out.
The last couple of years have been the first time I have even got a job.
The first time even I have been allowed to work.
I've always thought, "I can beat the system," or whatever.
At the end of the day, you can't.
So it is a case of making it easier for yourself.
- Where's our bowl? The bowl is there, love. - Oh!
- I am a million miles away. - Gravy, Monica?
If I looked at myself now, how I am now to how I was ten years ago,
I would go, "Oh, look at her. Talking to screws," and whatever.
Do you know what I mean?
How long has it taken you to learn that you can't beat the system?
Since I was 23, I am 45 now
and I have learnt in the last three years, four years.
I wish I had never took drugs when I was 21.
I wish I had never taken it and didn't know about it
because obviously what you don't know, you don't miss.
But that is not the case.
All I can do now is just fight my way through it to try
and stay clean, which I really want to do, I really want to do.
But everyone has heard it and everyone says it in prison,
it is always prison talk.
But this time is it, and I mean it.
That is what I really am hoping in my heart of all hopes.
My heart of all hearts, even!
THEY LAUGH
- I am going to make this coffee. Pass a spoon. - There you are.
- Is that sweet enough? - Yeah, you put too much in.
18-year-old Jayde still has her adult life ahead of her.
She has been in Holloway a month.
As well as her worries about her dog,
Jayde's thoughts have turned to her own troubled family background.
- Huh? - Why are you so upset?
Oh, everything, I fucking miss my dog,
I miss my fucking all my family and that.
I know it's my fault for being bad, I am not going to lie.
It's just like, if I get found guilty of this I am going to
lose my flat, fuck knows what's going to happen to my dog.
It's just mad.
You have a lot of time to think about things in here, don't you?
Yeah. Like last night, right, I kept getting flashbacks
and I just fuckin' tied two ligatures and had two code blues.
When I was a kid, my mum used to fuckin'...
She would stand there and slit her wrists in front of us.
I just kept getting flashbacks of it.
- Yeah. - Have you ever talked to anybody about it? - Huh?
Have you ever talked to anybody about it?
I don't really talk about the past, really.
I don't even like her, let alone fucking talk about her.
After Jayde threatens to strangle herself,
she is placed on intermittent watch by the officers.
Jayde?
Hello, Jayde from Hotel-9, code blue, Hotel-1 unit, over.
INSTRUCTIONS ON RADIO
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Jayde.
Come off the mattress, pull the mattress out the way.
Jayde has tied a ligature around her neck
and has wedged herself under the bed to stop officers removing it.
Jayde, stop it!
The officers have to act immediately to stop
Jayde from tightening the ligature any further.
They then gradually pull her back to where they can ensure her safety.
Let go, let go.
Come on, trouble, come on.
JAYDE MOANS
Finally, the ligature is back in safe hands.
I hate you.
'Jayde's behaviour at times is life-threatening,
'but she doesn't actually comprehend that.'
It's all very well her saying, "Walk away and leave me."
The consequences if we did that could be awful.
- All right. - Laters. - JAYDE SHOUTS
That's another one done.
Outside prison, the lives of Michael and his fiancee Chloe are bound
together by more than drugs and criminality.
They both have troubled childhoods
and traumatic experiences in later life.
I also have issues around losing my daughter,
my daughter was stillborn, it was a good few years ago now.
I have never dealt with that,
I have never really dealt with the grief involved with that.
I just always used drugs to stop me feeling, to stop my emotions.
Chloe had problems with things happening
with her children and stuff.
By the time I was about 14, I was snorting a bit of speed,
doing pills and this and that. Then I got pregnant with my youngest.
And I was still taking pills when I was pregnant, not full ones,
I was sort of limiting myself.
But I didn't really understand much about pregnancy back then,
I was only young.
I was six months pregnant when I found out as well.
By the time she was born, I had her for about a year
with social services causing mayhem,
but my nan was deemed too old to take care of her so she went to the
family and I spiralled downhill and I started injecting speed.
I had already tried it, but I started doing it on a regular basis then.
And then it went from speed to needing to come down after
something had happened and I was fed up of feeling wired,
I had been awake for three days.
So somebody let me try a bit of heroin
and I never really looked back then.
No other drugs compared to heroin.
Chloe and Michael have applied to the
authorities for an inter-prison video link.
And after five months inside prison, their request has been accepted.
She said in her letter, she said to me, "You know what, I am going
"to look amazing, I am going to look beautiful, it's all for you, baby."
I can't wait. I'm really excited.
I just wish I could hold her, you know?
Do you want to come straight through? It's started.
- All right, cheers. - Hello. - Hello, babe. - You all right?
- Can you see me? - Yeah. - I can hardly see you, it is so dark, babe.
- How's it all dark? - I don't know. - Is that better?
Lean back a bit. Back. That's it. I love you, babe.
- I miss you so much, you know that? - You're looking really good.
- I know, I am doing all right. - Can you see my hair? - Yeah.
- Do you like it? - Did you send me a lock of your hair?
- I haven't done it yet, no. - Oh, you look amazing, baby.
Thank you. It's all this food, I have put weight on and I am not happy.
I bent over to pick something up the other day and my cellmate,
Angel, turned round to me and said, "Your arse is looking bigger, Chloe."
- That's no problem. - It is nice to see him but, I try my hardest not to cry.
I wanted to give him a hug, I kept stroking the screen!
He was laughing at me.
It beats the shit out of a five-minute phone call.
You can't beat being able to actually see her, you know?
Many prisoners want to use their time inside to change.
But Pentonville is a jail where staff often have their hands full.
A lot of mentally disturbed
and disaffected men are being committed by the courts
for custodial sentences which is a huge strain on the landing staff.
It is a strain on us being able to manage them and support them
appropriately cos they need a hell of a lot of support.
Officers are dealing with a troubled inmate on G-Wing.
Although he made cuts to himself, he squeezed a lot of cuts,
filled up bowls with blood and then used it to smear the walls.
I think he has put his name up on the wall in blood as well.
He done it four days in a row.
As I said, healthcare staff didn't know how much blood he had lost
so they moved him.
A couple of days he will be back on here
doing exactly the same thing again.
It's just... It's just continuous, I'm afraid.
That's what you deal with.
Ben Knowlden is on the neighbouring wing.
He is one month into his sentence, and he's making progress.
He's already drug-free.
Finished my methadone, boy! Last day.
- That's good, you're going to feel it. - But you know what, mate?
You are going to feel it.
Yes, but I ain't got to wake up every day when I walk out of here
worrying about how am I going to get my next fix to feel better.
Bruv, I'm sick of depending on other people, anyway,
bruv, I need to stand on my own two feet, do you know what I mean?
Ben is taking offending behaviour courses.
They are making him reflect on what keeps him
trapped in a cycle of drugs and crime.
How was SDP?
- Almost finished, mate. - Yes, a week to go, yes?
One more week, ain't missed a session.
You're getting quite deep in them groups, and I think...
I've got nothing to hide, I've even a shed a tear over my dad in there,
which hasn't happened since he died, apart from his funeral,
and the day I was told he was dead.
It's the first tear I've cried over him, do you know what I mean?
I never had a dad growing up, my mum was married a couple of occasions...
when I was when I was living with her - none of them was ever my dad.
At age of 13, I did meet my dad, my real dad, so I started to see
my dad for a bit, it was difficult, do you know what I mean?
I didn't know him.
It was only for a couple of months, every other weekend, we had
a disagreement, and then I never saw him again for a further nine or ten years.
When I went into rehab, my dad got in contact with me, we went to a
coffee shop, I just said, "Let's just forget everything,
"and start afresh."
We were in contact on the phone,
and he comes and visits me at the rehab a lot, and he came up more
than anyone else in my family, to be honest with you, every time
he came up it was like we had never been separated, know what I mean?
In March 2010, I got a phone call from my brother,
saying my dad had been found about a two minute walk from his house,
and he had committed suicide, he hung himself.
Erm...
I lost my dad again, it's not nice, do you know what I mean?
That's the story of my dad.
Jayde has been at Holloway prison for two months.
She has calmed down and is no longer threatening self harm.
Jayde has also been thinking about parents.
The very first time she ever came to this prison was with her own mother.
I was in here as a baby myself.
INTERVIEWER: What do you mean?
When I was a baby I was on D4, the mother and baby unit.
My mum brought me here with her.
So I suppose I've always been a prison person.
Yes, of course I remember when I was a kid,
not getting to see her all the time, for years on end sometimes.
What was the mother and baby unit like?
It was all right, but you could...
it was still a cell, at the end of the day,
with a baby in, it's just... weren't nice, I don't think.
- How long did you have her in there with you? - Nine and a half months.
That's when she was with foster carers.
At the family centre.
- How often did you go and see her at the family centre? - Once a week.
And how long did you get there?
Sometimes only an hour.
Now it's her 18th.
Jayde has not seen her mum for almost two years.
But, with only a few weeks left until she gets out,
she has decided to try and build bridges.
I've always wanted to be like mum, since I was a little kid I always
said I was going to go to Holloway,
and I've been in here fucking six times now.
Everyone knows my mum as Mad Dog,
and she started calling me Mad Pup.
Most of my fucking childhood she was in prison.
She was in and out until she was what, 43, 44?
She's been out, like, five years.
She's doing all right.
"I'm glad we're talking again as I've really missed you fucking loads,
"and I need my mother there for me and I want you there for me,
"and I want to see my brother and nephew, as well.
"Thank you for the photos out of my wall with all my others,
"but can you send me some of you as I haven't got any." There you go.
I'm not reading no more.
Cardigan... where am I going to wear that to?
No, I don't like that.
Lauren is due in court tomorrow for sentencing on a shoplifting charge.
She's hoping the judge will release her into the community on a drug
treatment order.
This time I do really, genuinely want it,
I've just had enough now,
so let's hope God is on my side
and I get this DRR and I make it work for me.
That's all right, look.
Don't wear a hoodie! 100%, don't wear a hoodie!
Do not wear that yellow thing, for God's sake.
Grey sweatshirt over the top?
Yes, to keep you warm.
Don't wear that in front of the judge.
Hoodies are disrespectful.
Yeah. There's a little bag for my underwear.
Don't you want gravy?
No, I want pasta!
Next!
Lauren hopes if she gets out tomorrow
she can finally say goodbye to drugs.
I'm scared!
- I know, I know. - What's going on?
She's scared about tomorrow.
SIREN WAILS
Pentonville has an entire wing for addicted prisoners needing detox.
One inmate has broken prison rules,
so staff have removed his television.
Now, he is refusing to go back to his cell.
Aaaagh!
Go on!
MAN: Aaaagh!
Twelve officers are needed just to get the prisoner locked up
safely in his cell.
Seriously violent prisoners, or those caught committing offences,
like smuggling phones or drugs, are taken down to the segregation unit.
DOOR CLOSES
In the Seg, dirty protests happen about once a month.
Nowadays it's not officers who clean up the mess, it's us
inmates, so they're shitting on us, really.
The old, "a job's a job," I suppose.
That's the combination of what we're trying to clean,
and that is food as well as his faeces.
As you can see, he's clogged the aerials, and all over the buzzer.
So he's given us a good task to try and get all that out,
I don't know how we'll do it, we'll have to get a few matchsticks
or cotton buds or something to try and get it out now.
It's all got to come out.
Ben has been working in the Seg.
His prison drug support worker has come to find him there, because
he has just been told that Ben can go to rehab after he leaves prison.
Yes, I've got some news back, you have the funding.
Sweet, how much?
- Don't know. They didn't tell me that. - That's all right.
With a week until release,
Ben has secured the help that he came into jail to get.
I don't think it could have gone any better, to be honest with you.
Everything has gone my way as far as the detox, my CARATS worker
helping me out as much as he can,
working in here, it keeps me occupied.
- INTERVIEWER: - Prison has served its purpose for you?
Prison has served its purpose for me.
The best thing I've ever done, it's saved my life.
Did you see Clive?
Chloe will be leaving jail soon.
She had her sentence reduced for pleading
guilty to the street robbery.
But Michael, who pleaded not guilty, will be
serving another nine months inside.
It means their plan to stay clean together outside of jail
is in tatters.
Chloe will have to fight her battle against addiction on her own.
I don't really want to get out on my own.
But it is a chance to show him that I'm going to be there for him.
I need to speak to my probation officer and explain to her that
although I've got the best intentions not to want to relapse,
if that happens, I want to say to her I'm going to be honest with
her, but...with a lot of stress that I know I'm going to have going out,
then my reality, looking at it now, is that it could happen.
Before, I was like, "No, no, it's not going to happen,"
but, really, it could happen.
I got lots of things to keep me busy, but, reality,
I can only do so much to keep busy
and if things start to get too much for me,
then I might end up doing something stupid.
Inside jail, Michael has done whatever he can
to prepare for a drug-free life when he gets out.
Basically, I've done every course and group that's available in the prison.
Relapse prevention, harm minimisation, heroin awareness,
cannabis group, and decided - it's time to change, you know?
I think I've reached a crossroads in my life so it's either
go back down that route and end up coming back here again
or do something different.
If Chloe was using again, then it would've to...
- I'd have to re-evaluate things and relook at it. - Would you?
Yeah, I would, yeah. If it got to the point where...
she was putting my liberty at risk and putting my clean time at risk,
then I'd have to look at it again.
It just depends what decisions you make in that first week,
is whether it's going to work or not.
Cos I've always had the same thought pattern when I've got clean,
it's always my family, I miss them, and being away from them
makes you realise that but then, decisions later on are what count.
We know what we want to do.
We've got plans for the future, plans for what we want to do
and them plans don't include using drugs.
'But I'm really worried. Really, really worried about her.'
That's it, sign that for me. Arms out.
- Where are you off to today? - Southwark. - Sentence? - Yes.
Lauren, too, is on her way out of Holloway
but she may be coming straight back here from court.
- They're saying I shouldn't wear a hoodie to go to court. - Lauren, is this your book? - Yeah.
The court has to decide if Lauren,
who's a prolific offender, is now ready for another chance on the out.
After a two-hour hearing, the court sets Lauren free.
But she's under a strict order. Probation will drug-test her
every week and unless she stays clean, she goes back to jail.
- So? - Yeah, I got the DRR, so I'm all happy. - Yeah? - Yep.
- Tell me about what happened. - Nothing, he's just given me
the order. Given me a strict order that I've got to comply to
otherwise I'll just be bang in trouble, basically.
- Yvonne, thank you very much for coming. - You're welcome. - I appreciate it very much.
- Thank you, darling. - Good luck. - See you Monday.
What she has to recognise, I think,
is that this will probably be her last chance.
Because she's had the chances before and that's why we've done
such a tight treatment plan.
There's no gaps and if she makes a decision to lapse,
then it's her choice to do that.
Days from release, Ben hits a problem.
He's applied to spend three days outside to visit his dad's
resting place before he goes to rehab,
but the authorities say any delay could cause a relapse.
Good news or bad news, Tim?
All right, this is the letter I got today.
"Panel's preference for your own safety is that
"you go straight to rehab from prison.
"If you are agreeable to this,
"I will guarantee you an overnight travel warrant to come
"and visit your family after you've been there for six weeks
"providing that rehab feel it is safe for you to do so.
"This will give you time to settle into the programme
"and adjust to drug-free life outside of prison
"before dealing with the emotions of the family reunion."
- You know, I'm just a go-between at the moment, I don't... - Fucking joke, man.
I'm going to the bang-up, Tim, I'm not in a good mood, all right?
Ben's personal officer Mr Barton has been keeping an eye on his progress.
The thing is, you know what we're saying.
We're not saying don't see your family.
I'm going to go and see my family, see my dad's resting place.
I couldn't give a shit whether the panel tell me
"You can't have 20 grand funding." They can poke it up their arse.
- No-one's saying that... - I'm saying that. If that's what they say, they can poke it up their arses.
The only thing they're saying is don't test positive for drugs when you come back to see us.
- I don't let no-one tell me what to do. - Tell yourself, then.
No-one in here tells me what to do. Not you,
- not any officer tells me what to do. - It's a choice you have to make.
People can ask me to do stuff and I can say yes or no. No-one can tell me nothing.
Well, it's a choice for yourself to make about the future.
You're in charge of your life. I'm not, no-one else is.
You're in charge of your life. When it goes good or bad,
- you're in charge. It's up to you. - Yeah.
Anyway, think about that. I'm going over F Wing again.
- See you later on. - Yeah. - Think about it. You're doing well.
- You're doing well here. I want you to keep going, right? - Yeah, sweet.
Chloe has been out of prison a fortnight.
She's not managed to stay drug-free as she and Michael had planned.
'Everything I said I would do I didn't do
'and everything I said I wouldn't do, I managed to do.'
I had £700. I didn't buy the sofa,
I didn't do anything I was supposed to do and all I sent to him
was a £20 postal order and some photos and six stamps.
He said to me in a letter, "I wouldn't mind so much
"if you'd gone out, posted me what you were supposed to post me,
"and just sorted me out so that I'm not really hard up in here
"and done a few things for the flat and THEN gone on a bender,
"but you did it all the wrong way round."
I didn't blow it all on drugs, I think about 250, £300 on drugs
'but I felt very alone and my own thoughts run away with me
'when I realised that Michael wasn't here.'
Michael's been a big support to me all through me
losing my children and he's just always been there
so the fact he's not here now, it's been very...
It's just hard but now looking at it,
it's not something that's totally impossible.
I'm starting to realise that now which is why
I pulled away from using all the nonsense that went with it.
Chloe is visiting Michael inside Pentonville,
hoping that he can forgive her lapse.
Do you like my dress? I fit into it.
I miss you like fuck, babe.
I miss you, too.
THEY KISS
At least you can come and see me every week now.
- That's the main thing. - Unless you want to see me every week as well!
I didn't think you were going to.
I really did think you were going to finish with me.
I wouldn't have blamed you.
- I just wanted you to stop and think about it. - I did, all the way home.
And the next day. I was stubborn, so I sat on the train
and I thought, "He don't think I can do it. What a wanker.
- "No, I WILL fucking do it." - SHE LAUGHS
If that's what keeps you clean, then it's good enough.
If that's what works, that's what works.
I didn't want to lose you as well. Obviously, that come into it.
- As long as you promise not to die out on me, that's the only thing I want, right? - I don't want to.
Don't worry about me in that sense,
I'm not going and doing anything silly.
- I love you. - I love you too, baby.
- I miss you so much, you know? - I miss you, too.
- OFFICER: - Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Can we finish now, please? Thank you.
- I love you. See you later, baby. - Take care. - Take care, baby.
'As much as I was angry with her,
'and as much as I was really frustrated,'
I was just upset and I was hurt, you know what I mean?
She hurt me by doing that and she couldn't see that.
She thought she was just doing it to herself.
She's pulled herself back from it, back on track.
Maybe a little late but I think it's a lesson she's learned now so...yeah.
POLICE SIREN
Jayde is still inside Holloway, and is still calm.
Today is her 19th birthday
and she's been hoping for cards from her mum and dad.
- Dum, dum, dum...there you go. - Got a lot.
That ain't a lot. No, I'm still waiting for my dad's one.
And then whether my mum's sent one or not.
Obviously, you can tell who that's from.
ALL: # Happy birthday to you...
Inside jail, Jayde has a different sort of family.
♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪
- Only 19? - Even Miss Peacock who was in my cell last night,
she went, "How old are you tomorrow?" I went, "19."
She went, "No! I thought you were 21." I went, "No!"
Come on, you big rat.
BOTH LAUGH
It's my birthday!
- FROM DISTANCE: - Happy birthday, mate! - Thank you.
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday, dear Jayde Happy birthday to you. ♪
- Shut up! - Hip-hip, hooray!
Four weeks later,
and Jayde has completed a three-month prison sentence.
The hope is that all the thinking she's done in jail this time
will finally help her stay out for good.
I wouldn't wish on anyone to come to prison
cos it ain't no life for no-one, even me, but obviously
I do want to stay out, have my own family and all that shit.
- Going home again? - Yeah. Sixth time lucky!
This time, I'm not coming back.
She's got to stay out of trouble because the more she does,
the longer sentences she's going to get.
- Going to miss you. - I'll miss you, too, baby.
She'd better stay out of trouble because I told her, this is it.
- This is the end. I've had enough. - CHILD: Been going to work.
Getting old now, I don't need it.
There's my nan, ha ha! And my little cousin. Look at my little cousin!
Here she comes, watch.
- Ha ha! - Whoo! - Here you are, beau.
Oh, wait, wait, I've got too many bags.
THEY GIGGLE
MUFFLED TALKING
- Come here, you little bitch, ha ha! I miss you. - All right? - Yeah.
Don't tell me the keys broke, yeah?
Ben Knowlden, after three months, has also reached his last day inside.
- Yeah! - Keep you a couple of hours longer!
He has got permission to spend three days and nights on the outside.
Why?
Before he gets to rehab, Ben wants to lay some ghosts to rest.
I haven't seen him since we spread his ashes.
It was right here.
Silly fucker, what did you do?
'I never grieved him. Never. It was important I come here.'
One of the last times I spoke to him, I saw him.
Told him I wouldn't use again. And I did.
'And I know he wasn't in my life. I feel like I didn't let him down...
'Well, I did in a sense because I told him, I promised him
'I wouldn't get back on it.'
And I did. So I kind of wanted to apologise to him.
'And I give him a little fag. He liked a fag so I just give him a fag.
'I did apologise. Not verbally.'
I did, though. I said it in my head.
In my heart, in my head, yeah. See you later, dad. Love you.
'So, I kind of owed it to him.'
It was quite important.
When he goes to rehab,
Ben will have to tackle the deepest causes of his addiction.
For many years, Lauren has struggled to stay drug-free outside jail.
Today is her first drug test at probation.
A lot of people tell me they find it so easy
to not take drugs in prison.
And away from the firm boundaries, they just find it difficult to cope.
That's why I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't comply this time.
So, I'm going to drug-test her.
I don't think she's been using but I think...
She's admitted that she's been drinking over the weekend, so...
Here's your drug test. It's been a while, hasn't it?
Oh, no. You were having them in prison?
- No, not these ones. - There you go.
Lauren's first test proved clean for crack and heroin.
To be honest, I'm frightened. I've been running, basically.
Running from any situation that puts me in a high-risk situation,
in my eyes.
But when Lauren arrives for her next probation meeting,
she's been drinking again after a celebration breakfast with her son.
It was Elton's birthday so we had smoked salmon and poached eggs
- and champagne. - How much have you had to drink today, though, Lauren?
- Me? Just two glasses of champagne. - Two glasses of champagne?
Are you drinking more alcohol since you've stopped taking?
- No, not really. - No? So, it's about the same as you would usually?
- Yeah, yeah. - OK. - Nothing like... It's not every day. - OK.
Not first thing in the morning...
I am drinking, because the sun's out, I think, more than anything.
- OK. Do you drink every day? - No, I haven't drunk every day, no. - OK.
Of course I'll have a drink, I have to do something.
I can't go from up there...from down there to up there in a straight line.
Do you know what I mean?
I suppose I've got to vary it, waver a little bit,
but just to keep trying.
Alcohol is a trigger.
Even though she believes that alcohol will not lead her
onto crack and heroin...
when we all have a drink and we're all intoxicated,
we all know that our inhibitions go
and we're not thinking as rationally as we are when we're sober
and so in my eyes and my experience of this job, alcohol is a trigger.
- Another day in paradise, eh? - Michael is still at Pentonville.
He has five months left, but Chloe has been out for six weeks.
She's tried to stay drug-free but has occasionally lapsed
and Michael fears that lapses will lead to disaster.
All I want you to is hold it down and get on with things.
That's what I am doing.
All right, granted...because I've messed up,
you're just waiting for it to happen again.
And I'd rather you not go from it from that angle, to be honest.
Cos it makes me think, "Why should I bother?
- "He's thinking I'll mess up anyway." - See, that's a negative...
Because I'm a negative person, Michael.
Yes, but Chloe...and so am I.
You show me things negative...
- We might as well just go round in a fucking circle, then. - Oh, you know what, Chlo?
When I come and see you, it's all, "You're not doing enough."
- That's how I feel. - I never say you're not doing enough, Chlo.
SHE SIGHS
All I'm saying is,
the things that you are doing that are negative
are monumentally negative.
The things you are doing positive are that big.
You know what I'm saying, Chlo? Come on.
Am I sitting talking to myself here?
It's cos you keep prodding and prodding and prodding
and I'm going to snap, Michael. And I don't want to.
I'm happy with you, I love you and I do not want to leave you
but I can't cope with the way you are with me.
That's why I'm here asking you, what do you want me to do?
- Because I don't know. - Stop slamming the fucking table. - I'm stressed out, babe.
All right, yeah, whatever. Listen to me, right?
All I want is you to be out there getting back on track.
- I am. - Doing the things that you're doing. All right?
WRAPPER RUSTLES
I'll be happy when I can come on a visit
and you're actually sitting there happy to see me...
- I AM happy. - ..not sitting there twiddling with the table,
not wanting to look at me or speak to me.
I don't want to come and see you when you're like this.
Ben Knowlden got safely to rehab
but once he was there, he lasted just three weeks.
We found him in a town in Kent, staying with his brother's family
while he looked for somewhere to live.
I fucked myself royally, bruv.
Yeah, I know. Bent yourself over and shafted, mate.
Can't blame no-one, can I?
Can only blame myself.
- INTERVIEWER: - What are you doing in Ashford?
Run away from rehab.
Had enough, mate. Couldn't handle it.
All the emotions, that drove me crazy, mate.
Three weeks and I was out the door, mate. Jumped on a train.
Scored some drugs.
So that was Saturday night?
Saturday night right through to Sunday morning, yeah.
Spent every bit of money I had on me.
Injected crack and heroin.
Should be dead, but I'm not.
When you say you should be dead...
Amount of drugs I used, mate. It's ridiculous.
Silly amounts of drugs in my system. I ain't used for five months,
so I just went and started using exactly what I was using
- when I stopped using, if that makes sense? - Yeah.
With his chance of rehab gone, Ben will now face addiction alone.
Jayde is out of jail
and reunited with her dog.
She's decided to take an important step
to mend her fractured relationship with her mum.
Going to see my mother.
Going to sort things out, but she knows this is her last chance.
She fucks up once more, and then I'll be gone forever,
you know what I mean? I ain't going to keep wasting my time with her.
- No point. INTERVIEWER: - She's let you down before.
Yeah. Fucking more than once.
During Jayde's childhood, her mum was often away in jail.
In recent years, they've been separated too.
Mother!
Give us a kiss, then. You got to stay out now, though, Jayde.
- You wearing make-up? - No, don't. - You're going girly!
What'd you get in court, then? I was going to come as well.
12 months to six, but I only got time served, cos I done it all on remand.
Yeah, well, now you got to stay out of trouble, Jayde.
Don't be getting in with all them wrong dickheads
and if they say do, you say no.
It's bad enough me being in there all my life.
I've been out five years now.
Longest time I've been out.
- They're not prison anyway, it's holiday camp. - A massive playground!
I've done most of the prisons in England.
The biggest prison I ever done was in Jamaica. That's prison.
When was the last time you were together?
About a year and a half ago.
Come, come give me a cuddle.
Get off my bum, you little nutter.
Who's a good boy?
Are you my baby?
He's so spoiled.
In jail, Michael's anxieties about Chloe have reached breaking point.
I got 16 weeks left
and I can't do that 16 weeks worrying about what she's doing out there.
Chloe has reverted very, very quickly
back to the Chloe that was last year.
And basically, I can't be around somebody like that
and I just said to her, "Listen, I can't do this."
I says, "I think it's best if we..."
I said, "If I don't do this now, I'm going to end up hating you,"
and I don't want to, because I do care about her and I do love her,
'and I do want to be with her but she's...
'She's too far gone at the moment.'
I said to her, "Listen, Chloe, I'm sorry, but...
"you know, I need somebody I can rely on out there,
"I need somebody who's got on this right track, and that isn't you,
"so there is no me and you any more, and I'm finishing it now."
I just think that if we'd both got out together...
..it might have been different.
But what can I say?
Ben Knowlden got another chance.
Thanks for everything, yeah?
- Look after yourself. - I'll see you Saturday. - Yeah, Saturday.
A few weeks after he walked out of rehab,
he left his brother's flat for supported housing in Folkestone.
Despite his lapse,
he didn't let himself fall back into drug addiction.
Gradually, he began to find a new determination.
How's it been?
Up and down.
I've got to drop it all out.
It's not a good life, is it?
Crime, prison, drugs....
I got a lot of potential. I'm better than that. You know?
The drugs ain't the problem. I'm the problem.
I just try and cover it up by using the drugs,
so I need to find myself before I can...
I was going to say before I can use drugs. I can't use drugs.
I need to find myself.
And by using substances, substituting with women, coffee...anything,
until I find myself... I've got to cut it all out
until I can find myself. Find Ben. That make sense?
Ben has stayed out of trouble for nine months.
JAYDE LAUGHS
This is your personal statement bit, that you put at the front.
- There. What you want to put in there? - I'm extremely confident.
Jayde stayed out of jail.
Years of attention from her probation officer finally paid off
and Jayde began to seek work.
You can put that bit in writing.
Health and safety, I take very seriously.
'I'm really, really hopeful that by the time this licence period ends,
'she'll be in some sort of employment,
'which would be the making of her.'
If we pop a CV down to you, yeah?
'People think prisons are a holiday camp. They're not,'
but Holloway was her little escape
from having to deal with the harsh reality of trying to make her way
as an 18, 19-year-old.
Right, listen, let me go and get this CV that we've printed off.
'I think having that longer period, four months, I think it was,'
that would give her an idea what it'd be like doing three or four years.
There's some copies.
Keep that, because that's the original.
'I do think that'
that's given her that extra incentive
and helped motivate her to do a lot better this time round,
and she really is doing a lot better.
Bye-bye.
- INTERVIEWER: - Are we seeing a bit of a new Jayde?
I suppose so, yeah.
In what way?
I don't drink every day no more.
Drinking's the main thing that gets me in trouble
cos obviously, when I'm drunk,
I just fucking whack anyone, you know what I mean?
So...
But I want to stay out. You just got to want to, innit?
I just don't want to end up fucking keep going in there.
When Lauren went back to Holloway,
it was not as an inmate but as a visitor.
She had continued to drink but she had also stayed drug-free.
- I've put weight on! - Yes!
You look well, though.
- All right? - Really well.
I haven't used, that's all I know. All my drug tests are negative.
- Yeah, you look really well, though. - Do I? - Yeah.
I've had too many years of it.
Just had enough.
All right, darling. Love you. You look well. See you later.
Lauren has now been out of Holloway for a whole year.
In January, Chloe visited Michael's flat for the last time
to remove her belongings.
INTERVIEWER: How much time did you have together outside of prison?
Five months outside together,
but six months talking on the phone, brief meetings. Um...
And then obviously ten months inside.
I've had some of the best laughs of my life with him.
I really have, and it upsets me,
and also, it unnerves me that I could get someone so wrong.
I just told him outright, "Look, you say I'm using off and on,
"no, I'm not committing offences and I won't lie to you."
If he would have shown me the trust already
and not focused his energy so much on,
"Well, how can I trust you because you've done this?"
I'm a drug addict. I relapsed. That's all that I did.
But I've just seen a totally different side to him.
I saw a bit of that side when we relapsed before we went to prison,
and I said, "Yeah, I can cope with it,"
because you take the rough with the smooth.
But all I've had is constant rough, rough, rough, rough.
And I can't turn up on a visit and be happy
if the person opposite me isn't even looking at me,
is looking at the floor and won't even make conversation.
He's just pushed me too far.
I just thought I'd take everything down, to be honest.
I can't sit looking at pictures on the wall
that are painful reminders, really.
It says at the bottom here, look, "I just want to make you happy
"and as long as I'm using and drinking, you won't be.
"Who knows, maybe by the time you get this,
"it will be already too late and you'll have had enough.
"I wouldn't blame you. Love you always."
Long, tall and short of it, isn't it, really?
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd