My whole life, Is waiting for something to happen.
Patty?
- No way. - Come on, this is a killer dress.
This could very well be what gave Andy his heart attack.
It's so easy to Ilsten In on grownups' conversatlons.
You just act like you're playing some boring game.
- It's so backless. - Exactly.
Patty, men love backs, okay? This will drive Graham insane.
You will have an incredible weekend.
No, no. I just don't think it's me.
God, I wonder why Graham isn't back here yet.
Well, where is he?
He's at another meeting with another potential restaurant investor.
He's with that Hallie Lowenthal person?
- Yes, and shut up. - I didn't say anything!
I'm not upset because he's with Hallie Lowenthal...
I'm upset because Neil and Marla are going to be here any minute...
and he hasn't come home yet. And I'm not upset.
Okay. I can't believe Marla is still dating Neil...
I mean, how many years has it been?
Six. I know, it's like a prison sentence.
How about this? I got it from that catalog.
It's truly amazing. I have the power to be Invlslble.
Honey, why don't you go get yourself a piece of fruit?
Because Angela's in the kitchen with Rickie, and she kicked me out.
Danielle, you go get yourself a piece of fruit.
I'll be down in a minute to talk to Angela.
- I don't know. - Come on.
My Ilfe Is dlfferent people klcking me out of dlfferent rooms.
It's just been so long since Graham and I have had any time alone together.
And I know we won't technically be alone...
but I'm pretty comfortable with Neil and Marla, well, Marla.
And I just feel like our marriage needs this, you know...
like we need this time to reconnect, or something.
Patty, I know exactly what you need.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my.
You actually own these?
No, I rent them.
Well, you said you needed to reconnect.
- Yes or no? - Yes.
In such a big way.
Danielle, why don't you go help Mom pack?
Hello?
Yes, he's here. Just a second. It's Rayanne.
Hey.
It's the Ray-gun. What's shaking?
- Nothing. - So, Angela barely said hello.
Look, Rayanne, don't put me in the middle of this, okay?
Hey, I didn't put you there, that's just where you are.
Yeah, I know, I'll try them, I will.
Girls, are you sure you don't want to stay at my house?
Yes.
- Bye. I'll see you. - Bye.
What?
Did you kick your sister out of the kitchen?
No.
Mom, she was being impossible.
This is a really big responsibility being here alone all weekend.
Mom, I've been alone with Danielle before.
Yes, and I can't help but recall the time you put her in the dryer.
Mom, that was so long ago!
I can't believe you're still talking about that.
Anyway, she begged me to do it.
Whosever idea it was...
I don't want to come home and find anyone in an appliance.
Angela, you have to be the adult this weekend. Now you're going to have...
to prove to me that you can handle this, all right?
It's just going to be me and Rickie, what could possibly happen?
- Enrique, what do you want for dinner? - Hold on a second.
Look, I'd better not tie up their line, you know?
What, you're not allowed to talk to me now?
Just try me at Katimsky's later, okay?
Yeah, right, later. Much.
- Hl, Daddy. You're late. - I know.
Hi. Oh, my God, your new shirt.
I'll be ready in five minutes. You would not believe what happened.
- Car trouble. - No, the wagon?
No, actually it was Hallie Lowenthal's car.
I know. It's infuriating. She's got this really loud obnoxious car...
of course it won't start in the cold, and so I look under the hood.
You looked under Hallie Lowenthal's hood?
Well, I couldn't just leave her there.
You would not believe Hallie Lowenthal's engine.
It is held together by string, literally.
Now, couldn't she call Brad if her car broke down...
isn't that what fiancées are for?
Right, well, they broke up.
- Didn't I tell you? - No.
Are you sure? I thought I did.
No.
That must be them!
- Hi. - Hey.
- You're not Marla. - Danielle!
Hi!
Hey, everybody, this is Cheryl Fleck.
My brother Graham, sister-in-law Patty, and this is Danielle.
- Here, catch, cookie! - Thanks.
God, Uncle Nell gives the lamest presents on Earth.
Come in, come in.
Well, it's great to meet you. I've heard so much about both of you.
Yes.
Well, Neil, could you help me with our bags?
- Aren't those your bags over there? - Just help me a second.
Sure.
I love your foyer.
Excuse me just one minute.
- Where's Marla? - We broke up again.
- Neil! - Neil, where is Marla?
We broke up again. Don't worry. Cheryl is incredible.
You spend five minutes with her in the car, you're going to love her.
I hear this honk, right...
and here's this cute guy in the car next to me rolling down his window.
So I roll down my window, so then he holds up this piece of paper...
and he shouts out to me, "Hey, this flew out of your car".
And I'm thinking, "My God, what did I lose?"
And then right before the light turns green...
he holds the paper out and I reach my arm out and all these people...
are behind us are honking. But he gives me the piece of paper...
so then I pull over to the side of the road and I look at the paper...
- And you know what it says? - "Hi, I'm Neil. Call me."
Yes, how did you know that? How did he know that?
I think I got a couple of doobies in here somewhere.
- Yes or no. - No.
If you wanted to do something with Rayanne this weekend...
it's not like I would take it personally or anything.
- Angela, I want to hang here, okay? - Okay.
So, does she ask about me?
It is so cool to be hanging with my big slster and her cool friend.
Do we like this?
I know...
Camille forced me to wear it. It's not me.
I think it's great.
- Really? - Yes.
I love sex in a different bed.
You know...
I wish that Neil could have just waited until after this weekend was over...
to break up with Marla.
Patty, your concern for Marla is touching.
Patty, look. We're here, we finally have a weekend.
This is our opportunity to be together.
Don't let the fact that this girl is here ruin it for us.
You're right.
Oh, Nell. Oh, Nell.
Doobies!
Coming.
I'm only here because Katimsky said Rickie spent the night...
and Rickie still owes me $6.50 that I really need.
And because this thing Tino's got going?
He's upstairs.
Cool.
So, I'll be home tomorrow night for dinner.
Okay, you, too. Bye, Mr. Katimsky.
So, I got to get that 6.50 you owe me.
Rayanne, I gave that to you four years ago.
I wouldn't mind spending a few hours here with someone special.
I love sex on a different bed.
I'm sorry, does Angela know you're here?
She knows. God. So, you coming out with me tonight?
Rayanne, I told you. I'm here this weekend.
Cool.
So, does Angela ask about me?
- What's this? - Rayanne, put it back.
All right, Graham!
This answers a lot of questions about those two.
Rayanne, give them to me.
Graham, Graham, don't hurt me Master!
Wait, maybe it's the other way around.
Graham, that dinner you prepared just wasn't tasty enough, slave boy.
- Patty, I've been bad. Punish me. - This is so unfunny.
Where did you put the key?
- What did you do with the key? - What?
I can't believe this. I cannot believe this!
Vasquez, calm yourself. It's got to be around here. We'll find it.
Looks like I might be staying a little longer than I thought.
No, Camille, everything is going just fine.
I'm not whispering.
I was just wondering if you could go over to the house...
and check on the kids for me. Thanks.
And while you're there, I left those handcuffie things, you know...
on the bed, and I feel really weird about the kids finding them.
Thanks. Got to go. Bye.
- Ready for breakfast? - Yes!
- Who was that? - I was just checking on the kids.
They're fine.
You're not listening to what I'm saying.
Look this is what I believe, it is part of who I am...
and you have to accept that.
I cannot believe you are saying this. I mean, I have to tell you...
you are clutching onto some very distorted ideas.
- I am entitled to my beliefs. - No...
Sit.
I mean, you're being a little unrealistic, aren't you?
Calling the '71 Pirates one of the great teams?
They're just...
You know, after Roberto Clemente and Willie Stargell...
the team got extremely thin. There has not been a more overrated team.
Over-rated? Just stab me, somebody please stab me.
Don't tempt me.
So, you know what I think?
Ice skating.
Apparently, there's this really incredible frozen pond...
- That we can hike to. - I say we play that one by ear.
Well, we only have a limited amount of time up here...
so I think that we should really plan what we want to do.
I mean, we should have a really nice, fun day...
and if we plan, we can fill it full of all sorts of fun things.
I haven't been ice skating in a while.
- Come on. - It's freezing out there.
I think it's a cute idea. She is so cute.
Great.
Come on, Graham, you're so athletic. You'll be great.
Fine, fine, fine.
- Yes, sure. Whatever. - You are such a cutie.
We're going to have so much fun.
You don't have the keys to your own handcuffs?
- They're not exactly mine. - Right.
I guess they belong to some really perverted guy you know.
Yes, or your parents.
- What? - I found them right here on the bed.
- They were not. - Ask Rickie.
Those things do not belong to my parents.
- Danielle, leave! - No way.
Danielle, I'm serious. Mom left me in charge.
I'm not leaving. I live here.
Great. Wonderful. There's got to be a key. Find it.
And I'll explain this to you later. Like when you're 30.
Angela? Danielle? Anybody?
My mom's not home. Hi.
Hi, we just stopped by to make sure everything was okay...
- With you and Danielle. - Well, it is. So, thanks.
Wait, you have got to see this jumpsuit I got.
I know what you're thinking, jumpsuit, barf, but look!
- It's so cute. - Wait, where are you going?
I left something up in your mom's room so I'm just going to go get it.
- I'll get it for you. - That's all right.
- No, I want to. - Why?
Why? That is so exactly the point.
Why? Because of respect for elders, which I just feel is totally lost...
in today's world. So, what did you need?
It's not important. I'll get it myself.
- I have to talk to you. - About?
Justice.
I cannot believe that you actually run your own company.
Everyday.
I would love to do that someday. That or have a cappuccino cart.
I'm sure you could do anything you put your mind to.
I mean, you've got this great job, you've got this husband and children.
It must be so satisfying.
Like with me, there's so many paths I could choose.
Every single possibility of life is open to me.
But, you, I mean, your choices have been made.
Your life is totally settled.
It must really be comforting.
Yes, it is.
Okay, it looks like we can book spelunking for the afternoon.
It starts at 3:00, so if we were to get back from ice skating by 1:00...
we'd have time to grab a quick bite before we go.
Could you plan my entire life for me?
You're not going to believe this. This place doesn't serve alcohol.
- None. - It's really not a big deal, right?
This is my worst nightmare.
Come on, we're adults. Do we really need alcohol to have a good time?
Yes. It's Saturday night. I want to party down.
There's got to be some liquor in town. Give me the car keys.
No way. You're not driving my car. Not after what you did to my Duster.
That was so long ago. I can't believe you still talk about that.
- No, no. - Fine. We'll all go then.
- Yes, it'll be fun. - Come on!
Is this the way we're going to spend our weekend, hunting for liquor?
Fine, I'll stay here. I'll rent the skates.
I mean, you'll be back soon, won't you?
Of course. I mean, how long could it take?
Can I sit on your lap in the car?
The point is, do I have to keep a top that I truly don't like...
just because I'm beyond the 30-day exchange policy?
- I mean, is that justice? - Why are you obsessing over this?
I got to go.
Do I go and tell them I really don't like the top.
Can I have the receipt back? Or does it just become this thing...
that sits in my closet that erodes...
Is this that lavender top that I got you for your birthday?
No.
- If it is, I really don't care. - No, I like the top.
No, wait! Wait, please don't go in there!
Angela.
Oh, my. Are you all right?
Rayanne is not feeling very well.
Water, water, water, water.
Oh, my God, I think she's choking.
Angela, can you breathe? Can you breathe?
Rayanne's really, it's really...
- She just fainted. - Not so much fainted as swooned.
So this is that thing that's going around, right?
Is that, that thing?
Angela, can I see you for just a moment, please?
Sure.
Is that the same Rayanne that has the drinking problem?
This has nothing to do with that, no, I promise.
Does your mother know that she's here?
Of course.
Good. Okay.
Keep your eye on her and if she's not feeling better by tonight...
you call me, okay?
Hi, again. I guess no one has called for me, right?
Not since the last time you asked, no.
Well, maybe we'd better cancel that spelunking reservation.
Yes, I think so. The tour started an hour ago.
- This is really a great place. - Thank you.
- Have you been here your whole life? - Not yet.
Bye.
Okay. Danielle, here's the thing about the handcuffs.
See, we thought you might be confused...
and we don't want you to think that...
See, they're not even actually mom and dad's, okay, they're...
Right, right, they're just for fun, they're like a toy.
- A toy. - A toy.
Hey, I don't care. I'm not even interested.
Good.
Thanks. Now I'm Interested.
Look...
I made a swan.
That town is so weird.
We all got tickets for jaywalking.
Well. Did you at least get some wine?
- Wine? - No.
No, but we did manage to scare up some...
Doctor Allen's Ginger-Flavored Brandy.
Is that Graham's sweater that you're wearing?
Oh, it's so comfy and cozy.
Yes, Cheryl got kind of cold.
Why didn't you loan her your jacket?
What, are you kidding? I was freezing.
You jerk.
Rickie, will you go down and help Sharon and Danielle with lunch?
- I need to talk to Angela alone. - Sure.
Look, Angela, I know we're not that close right now, but I just...
Look, I don't want to get into this right now, all right?
Get into what?
Some big discussion about what happened between you and Jordan.
Because the truth is that it happened and nothing can change that.
- I don't want to talk about it. - Neither do I.
- So why did you ask Rickie to leave? - I have to go to the bathroom.
I need you to get me a jar.
I can't believe you.
- What's that? - It's nothing.
Okay, this is pretty embarrassing.
When Camille brought over that negligee...
she also brought over some handcuffs.
Camille Cherski has handcuffs?
- Well, let's see them. - I didn't actually bring them.
- Should I have? - No. No. I mean, you know...
- It might have been... - Yes, I guess so...
Camille Cherski?
I'm telling you, those handcuffs do not belong to my parents.
- Of course not. - Never.
How much more of this am I supposed to take?
Anyone?
- Cherski? - Pass.
Bachelor number 2, same question.
I hate to say it, but you know who could actually be capable of...
figuring this out?
No, no, no. Forget it.
Oh, my God.
When he walked through the door, part of hls arm touched my shoulder.
I thought I would faint, I mean, swoon.
- Gentle. - Sorry.
This is really simple. I mean, a child could get her out of this.
All we need is wire shears. I mean, any dad has them, you know.
I mean, not my dad, but a normal dad, like your dad, probably has them.
He doesn't.
So, fine. Well, we can just go to the hardware store Monday.
Great, Monday.
Perfect.
I just think this place is beautiful.
You know, I know that we got off to a rocky start today...
but I spoke to Warren and he's willing to be flexible about the checkout time.
So, we can have seven full hours of daylight tomorrow to have fun.
That's really bad.
No, I'm an adult. I'm not going to break the rules.
- I have never met anyone like you. - Patty is not a big drinker.
- Too mature for us. - By a lot.
Come on, you make me sound so stuck up, or something.
Fine, give me that hooch.
Honey, you said "hooch" in a sentence.
Hey, that's not so bad.
Cheers.
He was a genlus.
I had goose bumps just watching him think.
Maybe we could find a place that sells handcuffs...
by the same manufacturer. Maybe they would use the same key.
Well, there's this place called the Pleasure Center...
- That might have that sort of stuff. - Cherski, Pleasure Center?
I've passed by it, jeez.
Well, fine. So, someone has to go.
Hey, I don't even know where the Pleasure Center is.
Don't worry. I'll show you.
No. It's all gone.
No problem.
I love you, Cheryl. Let's just break this puppy open, yes sir.
Honey, honey, maybe you've had enough.
No. You think that I'm drunk.
Mayday, mayday, play it cool.
How are you all enjoying the dinner this evening?
It's great.
Yummy. Isn't it yummy? Yummy.
No, I'm sorry, it's really good.
That means that he hates it.
But I don't want you to feel bad, Warren...
because you see, he's a food snob.
And he hates anything that he doesn't fix himself. You do.
Patty!
No. Warren is a very sensitive person, and he's my friend.
And we speak all the time now.
As a matter of fact, we spoke today when you left me here, all alone.
Right, Warren?
Well, we pulled that off. Okay.
That was close.
You won't believe who we ran into near the Pleasure Center.
Kyle. Kyle.
Oh, God, that feels good.
Kyle, no, I told you. You have to go.
You can't come in.
Kyle, no. Down.
Can't I come in to use the bathroom?
Hey, wake up, I got them.
Krakow, we never did it with you on top before.
- Can we just keep this professional? - You're my knight in shining armor.
Wait a second. This key is too big. It won't fit.
Krakow, you're such an idiot.
- Quit moving, will you? - No, it's too big!
Hi.
Phil, Brian Krakow has Rayanne Graff chained to a bed...
and they're all watching.
Krakow, stop, It's too big. It won't fit.
Wait a second, wait a second. So, after you broke up with...
- Kirk. - Kirk.
Why didn't you go back to the one with freckles? I like freckles.
It all worked out for the best because Neil is so sweet.
You are so sweet.
Yes, wait a second because Neil here has got an old...
commitment problem, you know.
I mean, he just doesn't want to step up to the bat.
Hey.
It's Mr. Bed & Breakfast Man!
Could I get you folks anything else?
We were just going up to our rooms, actually.
What a wonderful idea for our other patrons.
No, wait a second, I want an ice cream sundae.
Patty, maybe we should call it a night.
- One ice cream sundae. - Yes.
Yes, okay, what we need to lighten this situation up...
- Is an after-dinner drink. - Cheers.
Down the hatch, honey.
- No. - Baby.
I spilled. No, wait a second, I know...
somebody loan me a sweater!
Did you get that? Did you get it?
This is going to stain.
- Oh, God. I think I'd better soak it. - Patty. Don't.
All right, that's enough!
I'm sorry, but I have to ask you all to go to your rooms!
Go to my room, excuse me, I am an adult!
That is a judgment call, ma'am.
No, no, no, what about my ice cream?
Nobody is getting any ice cream tonight!
Ice cream! I want ice cream.
Come on, Warren, how about one little scoop?
I thought we were friends, Warren.
Hey, this isn't so bad. This is fun.
I really admire her.
Wait, come in.
You're awake?
I can't sleep. Too bored to sleep. Could you do me a favor?
I could for money.
Girl after my very own heart.
Okay, here's what you do.
You go down to the liquor cabinet. You give me a bottle.
Anything brown. I'll give you a dollar.
- Nope. - Two dollars.
It's wrong to drink.
You have a real miserable side to you, you know that?
My parents say you're a bad influence.
I heard them talking about the things you do.
Why do you do them?
I don't know.
See, okay, when I look at myself, I see everything in slow motion...
and I think, "Something has to happen."
Only, it never does. So I have to make it happen.
- They're brown. - That they are.
Good morning sunshine.
By the way, we've been asked to leave.
I would just like to apologize for...
what happened last night.
And, also, Cheryl, I'd like to say...
that I think I didn't give you a fair chance.
To do what?
Why don't the four of us get together when we get back, you know, go out?
Actually, Cheryl and I decided to keep things casual for now.
We didn't decide to keep things casual.
We broke up! You don't want to see me anymore.
I got out of the shower this morning...
and Neil was on the phone with Marla.
I guess it was partly my fault. I take really short showers.
I'm really having second thoughts about you taking apart my parents' bed.
- Just do it. - I told you, that's the beauty part.
I don't have to take apart the whole bed, just the headboard.
Look, can I just say...
oh, God, how do I put this...
I acted totally like an idiot. I made a fool of myself.
But you still shouldn't have left me alone all day...
while you were on your liquor hunt.
Honey, I had no idea it would take so long.
Anyway, it didn't seem to matter to them.
What about what matters to me?
I mean, there I am, I'm waiting, and I'm waiting, and I'm worrying...
and I'm feeling like the minutes are ticking by, and then you tell me...
that you're late because you had to look under her hood!
Wait a minute, what are we talking about here?
You know, I have to say, I think it was really fun.
I think we should all do it again sometime.
But only without Neil.
Okay, on three, 1... 2... 3.
Yes, I'm free! Krakow, you're a genius!
- Okay, I'm out of here. - You're leaving?
I can still make something out of this weekend.
- Don't you dare leave now. - Hey, come on, hands off.
My parents will never trust me again.
Come on, now you're crossing the line, girlfriend.
I can't believe you! You're this curse that's just destroying my life!
You can't just walk out and expect us to clean up after you.
You're like this living, breathing bad luck omen!
Don't mince words!
- Okay. - I can't take It anymore!
- Hey! Hey! - Rayanne, just don't talk!
Mom's going to be home in twenty minutes!
- I can't get it in, hold on. - Rookie.
- Lower, lower. - Okay.
- Higher, higher, higher. - Finger, finger.
Hello?
- Hi. - Hi.
- Rayanne came over.
Great.
- And I did. - Me, too.
Sorry.
- What are you kids doing up here? - We were just...
I would really prefer it if you all wouldn't watch TV in my room.
You're really right. I'm really sorry.
- We were only up here because... - Angela!
- So, how was your weekend? - Nothing special.
- Yours? - Just the usual.
- Angela! - What, Danielle? What is it?
I really missed you.
Danielle, sweetheart.
I really missed you, too.
We'll just get out of your way.
- Bye, Angela. Bye, everyone. - Bye, see you.
What a weird weekend.
I know.
And we never even had a chance to reconnect.
Oh, my God.
Camille never picked them up!
Patty, wait a second. Where's the key?
Oh, my God.
- Thanks. - Have a good weekend.
Can I talk to Rayanne for a minute, alone?
Look, I don't want to get into any big discussion or anything.
Neither do I.
- Then why did you ask me to stay? - The key?
- I knew you couldn't resist. - Party pooper.
Weekend from hell.
That was the best weekend of my entire life.
By the way, thanks.
So, what are we doing next weekend?
Danielle, we are not doing anything.
- We could see what Brian is doing. - Danielle!
- I kind of like Rayanne. - Danielle!
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