All over school, there are these certaln places,,,
that are reserved for certaln people,
My biggest regret is breaking up with Kyle before midterms!
You're not supposed to cross certaln llnes,
Sid! Hey, Abyssinia!
lt's thls unwrltten law, llke gravlty or somethlng,
Come on, they're waiting for us.
Llke ln the basement near the north exlt, there's thls boller room,,,
where certaln people wlll go for only one reason,
l've never been there, ever, ln my llfe,
l'm mlsslng my geometry revlew, Lucklly lt's optlonal,
So you had to take over two English classes even though...
you're a math teacher? Gee, whiz.
lt was just temporary until they could find someone.
lt was terrifying. l was never even good in English.
But, anyway, l'm glad that they finally hired you.
l mean...
Angela Chase! Why weren't you in geometry review?
l thought it--
Angela, you need this. How are you going to pass your midterm?
l thought it was optional, but, l'll definitely...
No, yes, no...
lt just breaks my heart, some of these girls.
l mean, they are just so smart, and yet--
lt's called low self- esteem. Good morning.
- H i. - H i, l'm Mary Ann Chavatal.
Oh, hi.
l'm sorry. This is Richard Katimsky.
Richard is taking over those English classes they stuck me with.
By the way, if you have any questions about...
about anything, l mean...
- Well. To be continued. - Yes.
By the way, if you need anything, don't hesitate to--
Thank you. Thanks.
Renee, he's adorable!
- But he is. - l know.
Since this our first class together, l thought that l would start with...
one of my favorite sonnets by...
William Shakespeare.
So, who would like to read this aloud?
Gee whiz, it's going to take me a while to learn all of your names.
Where is Enrique Vasquez?
Enrique!
Yes, my name is Enrique, and l want to live in America.
l'm transferring out.
No, don't. Then we won't be in the same English class.
You never even go to English.
l n case l ever do. Anyway, isn't Enrique legally your name?
l don't care!
And he acts like he's this really nice guy, when obviously he's not.
And he takes these unbelievably long pauses, like-- okay, this is him.
My name is M r. Katimsky and here's a sonnet by William...
Shakespeare who's almost as boring as l, M r....
- See you. - Enrique, may l...
speak to you for a moment?
He actually asked me if l would consider joining drama club.
- He must have no life. - So? Neither do you.
l mean, drama club is something l could almost picture doing...
if l was really bored, or something.
But with him running it? Pass. Where did you get Chinese food?
Two words. Tino.
- So, guess where Angela is. - l know where she is.
- You know? How do you know? - Because l live in the world.
lt's so romantic. They're like this couple now.
We'll see.
Honey? l'm home.
- Please don't get up. - H i.
H i.
- So, where's Angela? - Reform school.
Good. Maybe she'll learn how to make her bed.
l'm just reviewing some terms for the class tomorrow...
so l can follow what-- A lot of the sauce stuff is in French.
Graham, you'll be fine.
lt isn't even an advanced course, it's intermediate.
Yes, but what's intermediate? What if l'm not intermediate?
Or what if l'm not intermediate enough?
What is mediocrity?
Look it up.
H i.
Well, hi.
- Hello. - Hello.
- So what have you been up to? - Studying for midterms.
- You hungry? - Nope.
Okay, now l refuse to panic just because she's happy.
- Although it's alarming. - lt's terribly alarming.
Every nlght l make the same vow,,,
that tomorrow l wlll go to geometry revlew, But every day,,,
we barely talked, so when we dld,,,
lt came out soundlng really meanlngful,
- There's a tiny leaf in your hair. - Where?
Was that your stomach or my stomach?
Your cuticles look like little moons.
- My what? - Your cuticles.
Catalano, you down here?
The fact that we come here...
let's keep it our secret.
- Why? - No reason.
Catalano, what are you dolng?
Nothing.
- Who you got in there? - J ust a girl.
- Yeah? - Yes.
Get off!
- Who? - Nobody.
Shut up.
Very good.
Now, draw a circle, with two intersecting chords.
And when two chords intersect inside a circle...
the product of the segments of one chord equals what?
My whole llfe became dlvlded,,,
lnto klsslng,,,
and not klsslng,
Klsslng,,,
and not klsslng,
Once again, people, if you receive less than a 7 0 on this quiz...
you should be attending my fifth period review sessions.
l n geometry l felt llke a crlmlnal,
l mlssed every revlew sesslon, so l trled to be lnvlslble,
lt's surprlslngly posslble, You just slt ln the back and keep qulet,,,
and let the boys shout out the answers,,,
whlch they wlll, even lf they're wrong,
Boys are less afrald of belng wrong,
l'm not happy.
Good job.
M iss Lerner, can l ask you a question?
Anyone with a question about their grade...
can speak to me tomorrow before class.
- Hey, Sin, what's up? - Nothing.
Man, l can't believe l have to go to this review thing.
Why couldn't l just get four more points?
Then l would have had a 7 0. So, how about you? How'd you do?
60.
l guess l'll see you at review.
Abyssinia, keep it up.
She's just always trying to make me feel better, or something.
Maybe l can help you. l mean...
- l did get 6 more points than you. - That's true.
Angela Chase. How do you expect to pass your midterm?
l'm really sorry, l...
Sorry won't cut it. l want to see you at tomorrow's review session.
- Clear? - Yes.
You should really consider having your lips frosted permanently.
They feel like they were.
He noticed. They look all used.
But in a good way.
Hey, Ray, don't tell anyone, okay?
That rhymed! Tell anyone what?
You know, that l'm meeting Jordan Catalano in the boiler room.
- J ust don't tell anyone. - Why?
Because he doesn't want people to know about us yet, or something.
Angela, you are letting Jordan Catalano control you.
What? Who say's he's controlling me? l can't believe this.
For months you've been trying to convince me to do all these things...
l would never dream of doing and now that l'm actually doing you're--
Haven't you made out with guys in the boiler room...
- hundreds of times? - So?
So, are they controlling you?
No, because l am not you.
Because as l have stated a hundred times...
l don't get my emotions involved.
l am the type of person who can handle the boiler room.
You are not.
Well, bye, daddy. Tell mother thanks for the curtain rings.
You hear that? You got a mighty squeaky floorboard there.
- l'd look into that, if l were you. - Well, you're not me.
- What's that you say? - Nothing. l'll look into it.
lt's right about there.
- Hear that? - Yes.
- Where's M r. Fix- lt tonight? - He's taking a class.
A Class? For what?
Stocks, soups, and sauces.
lt happens to be a very advanced class for very advanced cooks.
Don't give me that advanced crap. He ought to be pulling his weight.
Dad, stop it. This is a big step for Graham. He happens to be...
at a turning point in his life
Turning point. That's a hell of a notion.
You listen to me for a minute. Stop throwing money away...
on some sauce class, and get one of those, what do you call them...
Marriage counselors?
No, no, headhunter. That's what you need...
someone to get him a job so he can stop sponging of his wife.
Dad. This is between me and Graham, okay, please?
You don't know all the particulars.
l'm your father. That's the particulars. And you deserve better.
Well, this utterly sucks.
l hate waiting.
My fiancée says l have the shortest attention span known to man.
- Gum? Breath mint? - No.
Well, we're off to a swell start, aren't we?
The teacher being fourteen minutes late.
Hey, doesn't this remind you of one of those Twilight Zone episodes?
They think they've signed on for an ordinary cooking class...
little did they know they'll be forced to make awkward conversation...
with thirteen strangers for all eternity.
No, wait, one of those human behavior experiments...
to determine how long it takes before we turn into Lord of the Flies?
l say we give him five more minutes, then mutiny.
Take over the stove. Are you with me?
Maybe we should all go around the room and say why we're here.
l'll start. H i.
My fiancée hates my cooking.
Now you know everything. Next?
Well? So, how was the class?
Strange.
What do you mean strange? You mean-- How was it?
Do we have any more of that spicy mustard?
Did you feel like everyone was more experienced than you were...
- or something? - Why would you assume that?
No, l wasn't assuming anything. l was just asking.
Graham, you-- lt's okay if you hated it.
lt would probably make more sense just to take the tuition money...
and use it to hire one of those headhunters or something.
What? Where did that come from?
- Well, if the class isn't working out. - Who said it wasn't working out?
Nobody.
He never showed.
We were all just sitting there waiting, and finally, this kind of...
loud woman started complaining, which sort of broke the ice.
She had one of those flip phones in her purse, so...
she even had Stephan Dieter's assistant's number...
you know, kind of obnoxious person that has everything.
So she calls him. lt turns out Stephan Dieter...
had been rushed to the emergency room with food poisoning.
lt was supposedly not from his food. From these tainted shrimp...
- at some book signing. - My God.
Then, this woman, the obnoxious one...
she got them to reschedule the class for Friday.
How strange.
Catalano. l n your own world much?
- Are you going to Buffalo Tom Friday? - Buffalo Tom?
Yes. Tino found out that they're playing at Pike Street Friday night.
- Like unannounced. - Yes?
- Yes, play a set. - Sure, okay.
- Yes, so. - So, Buffalo Tom. Okay.
- Well, later. - Okay. Well, later.
l have all this geometry.
l was hoping you'd be here.
- So, are you going to Buffalo Tom? - What?
Buffalo Tom? Didn't l hear that they were playing at Pike Street?
l mean, l think l heard that somewhere.
Yes, l'm going. Why?
No reason.
Should l rat it, spray it, tease it...
freeze it, spike it, shave it or shove it?
Excuse me. Have you ever been to a class?
Excuse me. l was addressing myself.
Okay. So, what's the deal with Angela and Jordan Catalano?
Here's a thought. Ask her.
l can't. She'll think l'm checking up on her.
So, are they a couple?
From the point of view of what l believe, or from what she believes?
- From the point of view of reality. - What do you think?
l'd have to say, l think she could really get hurt here.
Tell me something l don't know.
l know, that's the whole problem.
Don't you have French this period?
You should talk. How come you're never at a geometry review?
Angelica...
Angela, we're concerned, okay?
Because l cut a few geometry reviews? What, you two discuss me now?
We don't discuss anything.
- We're barely even friends. - Are we friends?
No.
- l'm not discussing Jordan Catalano. - Why not?
Why is he keeping you two a secret?
- How do you know that? - Rayanne told me.
The only reason we talk like this is because we care about you.
When l was drinking and drugging, you wanted me to stop as my friend.
You're comparing me making out with Jordan Catalano to you...
- getting your stomach pumped? - You don't see the connection?
- The connection is self- respect. - Thank you!
Angela, God, you know, the point is--
Who is he? Who is he to treat you like this?
What? You're not cool enough for him to be seen with you?
Exactly, and she's not slutty enough for him to do it and brag about her.
l mean, please, you deserve so much better.
J ust because he's not Kyle and he doesn't parade with me around.
What is holding hands? l don't get it. What are hands?
- lt's not even an erro- geenous zone. - Erogenous. And it is to me.
You're both wrong.
And if he doesn't want to be seen with me, then why did he ask me...
to meet him Friday night at Pike Street...
to hear Buffalo Tom?
Not that l can even go, l mean, l have too much geometry.
Maybe l'll go. l like Buffalo Tom.
What? l do. You know, l am sick of being perfect.
l broke up with Kyle. l have a total right to screw up my midterms.
More like an obligation.
l have to talk to you.
- H i. - H i.
- lt's Renee. - Renee, of course.
There's so many new names in one week.
- l just thought l'd say hi. - Well, good.
We never really got to finish our conversation, not that we...
necessarily had to finish it, l just thought, what a week.
l will be so glad when midterms are over.
So many of my kids are just sliding downhill.
lt's so discouraging. You try to reach out, but when they don't take...
the next step, it's just so frustrating, you know?
Would you excuse me? For a moment?
Hey, Enrique!
Where are you two supposed to be?
We were going to lunch, but first we had to stop by--
Please, please, spare me the explanation.
- J ust get to the cafeteria. - Totally.
Would you be interest in joining the drama club?
- Would it get me out of anything? - l doubt it.
Okay, go to lunch. See you, Enrique.
People don't call me Enrique, except my grandmother and she's dead.
Okay. l'll try to...Boy.
l magine having a name like Enrique and not using it. Gee whiz.
l'm an Enrique, too. Sort of.
Well, Richard. lt's not quite the same thing.
No. Richard would be Ricardo.
Here's the sign- up sheet, by the way, in case you want to sign up.
- Did l talk to you? - Yes.
- l did? What did you say? - That l'm not interested?
- Maybe you'll change your mind. - l'm positive l won't.
Well, if you do, here's the sign- up sheet.
We'll have the first meeting Friday, after school.
You don't have to answer right away. You give it some thought.
Do you see what l'm saying?
l was kidding you. Can't you take a joke?
Renee? What is it?
l just made the biggest fool out of myself.
No, you don't understand.
He says "Gee whiz", and he won't stop with this drama club stuff.
He's driving me stark, raving mad!
Did l tell you what Angela Chase asked me?
l cannot believe they let people like that teach.
She asked me to come over and explain congruent triangles to her.
So l said," Do you know how long it's even been since l even had geometry?"
She hands me her geometry book, like l'm supposed...
to supposedly review it, or something.
He didn't even see the difference between Enrique and Ricardo!
Who's Enrique and Ricardo? l mean, look at all this work l have to do.
l mean, l could spend the entire weekend without meals.
Even then, l probably couldn't get it all done.
l just mean they're two completely different names.
l cannot believe what some people will ask other people to do.
So, you're not going?
Well, l might stop by. J ust to kind of take a study break.
- Go on, taste it. lt's terrible. - Pardon?
No, go on. Don't take my word for it. Taste it.
- J ust it needs something. - Yes, like a taste.
l can't believe you knew all that stuff about potage.
Where did you learn that? France?
No, it's just things you pick up. You know, trial and error.
Yes? You're better than this class, that's for sure.
- Say, what do we think of him? - Stephan Dieter?
- No, Rush Limbaugh. - Well, l think...
Did you understand one word he was saying through the entire class?
- He is foreign. - Also drunk.
Which one do you think he's been longer?
- You really think so? - Are you kidding me?
Look at that schnoz. lt's a broken capillary festival.
lf he doesn't get it together, l'm going to make such a stink.
Really?
Would l kid you? l mean, seriously, we deserve better.
l mean, don't we?
- Man, Stephan Dieter guy is... - What?
- Really hard to follow. - What do you mean exactly?
These are nice. You actually made these?
Yes. Why do you sound so surprised?
What do you mean hard to follow? l n what way?
l mean in the sense that when he speaks, it's hard to follow it.
- You mean for you to follow, or-- - What did l just say?
No, l mean, could nobody follow it, or are you saying--
Why would only l have problems?
- l don't know, l wasn't there. - Why do you do this?
Do what? l just asked is it possible there were people in the class...
who could follow what he was saying?
l'm going upstairs.
For your information, he's a lush. He's a drunken lout.
See, l told you! You just got to put your thumb over the picture.
They're even cuter than on their C D!
l can't believe l'm here. l have so much work to do.
He's not here.
l mean, l have three midterms next week.
She went to hear Buffalo Tom.
We may as well just leave.
l can't believe you want to leave already, just because you don't...
There he is.
There's Rayanne Graff and that weird girl she always hangs out with.
He doesn't seem like he saw me. He's busy. l'm not even going to--
Forget busy. He asked you to meet him here, right?
Why isn't he coming to you?
Because he doesn't see me. He's busy.
Will you go over there? Please? J ust go.
l mean, really! Really.
- H i. - H i.
You're kind of crowding me.
Angela!
Angela, wait!
- Hey, Graff, you want to play? - Shut up.
You know you like her.
Would it kill you to admit it, maybe treat her halfway decent?
Because you know, she deserves it.
And she's not going to wait around for you forever.
Man, they're weird, you know? Both of them.
There's somethlng about Sunday nlght,,,
that really makes you want to klll yourself,,,
especlally lf you've just been totally made a fool of,,,
by the only person you'll ever love,,,
and you have a geometry mldterm on Monday,,,
whlch you stlll haven't studled for because you can't,,,
because Brlan Krakow has your textbook,,,
and you're too embarrassed to even deal wlth lt,
And your llttle slster's completely flnlshed wlth her homework,,,
whlch ls so slmple and mlndless a chlld could do lt,
Mom, Dad, l finished my report on crustaceans.
And that creepy 60 Mlnutes watch that sounds llke,,,
your whole llfe tlcklng away,
Daddy's at his cooking class, honey.
Look, Angela, did you see this wonderful report that Danielle did?
What can l say?
Nothing. There is nothing to say.
- Listen, could l ask you a question? - Sure.
lt's about risotto.
Hey, don't you have your geometry midterm tomorrow?
- Yes. - Do you feel prepared?
l think l'm going to call Brian Krakow.
Maybe we can quiz each other, or something.
Angela, that's a wonderful idea. Really. l'm so proud of you.
And l'm so grateful that you didn't inherit my math block.
l was always so terrible in math and it affected my entire life...
and l was always afraid that l was going to pass it down to you girls...
like a bad chromosome.
- Well, you didn't. - Thank God.
- l don't believe you. - l know.
You're in a dream world that revolves around you. You have...
- no concept of anybody else's life. - l know.
You couldn't even begin to imagine the pressure l'm under.
You think you're under pressure? You? That is so laughable.
Brian, you're completely right, okay? But could you please...
- explain geometry to me anyway? - Are you completely insane?
- Yes, l probably am. - You think l care?
You could not conceive of how much studying l have to do tonight!
Have you ever even heard of calculus?
Geometry is a paid vacation compared to calculus. Okay?
Do you have any idea what it's like to be an accelerated?
Do you realize the pressure on a person when it's assumed...
that they will always get A's?
Hey, Brian, pull another A? That Brian, he always gets an A.
You have the option of insanity. l do not.
And that makes me crazy!
H i. l have to leave. l'm leaving.
Bye.
Did Brian Krakow leave already? You're home.
l have to study.
So?
Stephan Dieter won't be teaching for a while.
He's in some rehab in ldaho getting deglazed.
Graham, l'm sorry. l'm truly sorry.
For what?
Come on, don't do this. Don't stay in the class just to spite me.
What?
Please, this was my idea, l forced you into it and obviously...
it's turned out to be a total and complete waste of time.
So, fine, l was wrong, okay? l've learned my lesson, okay?
J ust quit the wretched class. l promise l'll never suggest...
taking another class as long as either of us live.
They want me to teach the class.
What? Are you kidding, or...
We're all just sitting there, it's become nightmarishly clear...
that he's not going to show again, and l'm thinking...
this has been the stupidest week of my life. And of course, this woman--
The loud obnoxious one?
She's going on and on about how she tried to make risotto for her fiancée...
and it turned out to be this big disaster, so l started telling her why.
And pretty soon everyone's asking questions...
and writing down what l'm saying, and suddenly this woman says...
you know, you are so much easier to follow than Stephan Dieter...
you should teach this class.
So l waited for everyone to laugh, and, you know, no one laughed.
Well, that's wonderful.
- Why do you sound like that? - Like what? No, no, l--
lt's wonderful, it is. l'm just surprised.
Can l be surprised? Aren't you surprised?
Yes, very. l'm going to do it, though.
l just...
l wouldn't mind it if one of us wasn't quite so surprised.
The truly frlghtenlng thlng, ls that even after everythlng that happened,,,
Jordan Catalano left a note ln my locker to meet hlm ln the boller room,
The nauseatlng part ls that l went,
Don't say hello, or anything.
Hello.
l can't believe l came here. Why did you ask me to come here?
- Why are you like this? - Like what?
Like how you are?
So leave.
Admit it first.
Admit what?
That all of this happened. That you have emotions.
That you can't treat me one way in from of your friends...
and the next minute leave me some note.
And by the way, l spell my name with one L.
"My mlstress's eyes are nothlng llke the sun,
Coral is far more red than her lip's red.
lf snow be white, why then her breasts are dun.
lf hair be wires...
black wires grow on her head.
l have seen roses damask, red and white...
but no such roses see l in her cheeks.
And in some perfumes is there more delight...
than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
l love to hear her speak...
yet well l know that music hath a far more pleasing sound.
l grant l never saw a goddess go...
my mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven...
l think my love as rare, as any she belied with false compare."
What kind of girl is Shakespeare describing here?
- ls she the most beautiful girl? - No.
ls she a goddess?
Physically perfect?
The kind of girl who stops traffic when she walks down the street?
- No. - So he's not in love with her?
Yes.
He is.
Why is that?
Why is he in love with her?
What is it? What is it about her?
That she's not just a fantasy.
She's got flaws.
She's real.
Thank you.
Please, God, l know l'm cuttlng Engllsh,,,
and l've done a mllllon other terrlble thlngs,,,
lncludlng not even completely bellevlng ln you,,,
but please, please help me to pass thls mldterm,
Oh, God, who am l klddlng? lt's too late,
lt's over,
You have M iss Lerner, right? For geometry?
So?
- Nothing. l just didn't study at all. - Me neither.
Yes, but l really need it.
l might just skip the midterm. l'm going to flunk it anyway.
Yes, well, just may skip it myself.
l'm sick of being the little schoolgirl. lt's just not worth it.
Why did l let this happen? l've totally blown it.
Why does he have this power over me?
l haven't cut a midterm in a real long time.
And if the two parallel lines are cut by a transversal, then what?
- The angles are congruent. - That's it!
That was the bell. We'd better get out of here.
l mean, we should take the test. lt would be dumb to skip it.
Did you hear? The copy machine ate our geometry midterm!
lt's been postponed until tomorrow!
Okay, so Lerner's having another review session this afternoon.
- l'll definitely be there. - Not me. l don't need it.
- Rayanne, get over here. - Enrique...
- Later. - Rayanne, wait!
Gee whiz, l was just thinking about you.
- Why are you doing this? - Pardon?
This is not something l am going to do.
l'm just not the type of person who joins things, okay?
- l'm sorry, but, no, that's not okay. - What?
l mean, come on, l'm a teacher. How do you expect me to react...
to a ridiculous statement like that, you don't join things?
Who are you, Groucho Marx? You would never belong to any club...
- that would have you as a member? - What?
What is holding you back here? That l'm not cool enough?
Don't let the fact that your English teacher is a dork...
stop you from fulfilling your potential.
J ust pretend that l'm a track coach.
l happen to notice that you can run fast.
l need you on my team! lt's as simple as that, Enrique.
Stop calling me that! Why are you calling me that?
l'm sorry, l'm sorry. l keep forgetting. lt's just...
Gee whiz, it's such a great name.
When l was in high school, l hated my name. l hated it.
l don't hate my name, l just--
Good. l'm really glad.
Nobody should...
hate who they are.
Can we...
Can we go somewhere?
Sure.
Angela, wait! Don't forget the geometry review.
Forget it. She already did.