"Little Ricky's School Pageant"
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
(theme song ending)
(phone ringing)
Hello.
Oh, hi, Caroline.
Yeah, we got back Friday.
Oh, I just loved it.
Florida was marvelous.
Cuba?
Well, just bueno, bueno, that's all.
I met all of Ricky's family,
and guess what, Caroline.
I learned how to do the cha-cha-cha.
Took lessons at the hotel.
No, it wasn't too expensive.
It came to about ten dollars a cha.
Well, it's, uh...
it's sort of like the rumba, only you, uh...
you do a lot more, uh... (mutters)
And then there's two or three times that you, that you...
Oh.
Hi, Mommy. What are you doing?
Yeah, well, just a minute.
Caroline, I got to run now.
I'll call you back later.
Okay, dear. Bye.
Oh, I-I'm just dancing, honey.
Hi, sweetheart.
Well, now, were you a good boy this afternoon?
Oh, he was just a doll.
He and Uncle Fred have been playing cowboys and Indians.
Lucy, if you've got this thing unpacked,
I'll put it down in the basement.
Oh, Fred. (laughing)
Oh, what's so funny?
Isn't he cute?
That's the way he used to look when he had hair.
Here, cowboy.
You'd better put that back in the wigwam.
Go on, honey. You can take that anytime, Fred.
What's the matter?
Can't you handle it by yourself?
(falsetto): No, I can't handle it by myself.
Why not?
Because when I lost my hair, I lost my strength.
Well, if you expect me to help you,
you just lost your mind.
Hi. Hiya, Fred.
Oh, hi, Rick.
Hi, honey.
FRED: Hey, Rick, will you help me
put this thing down in the basement?
Why, sure, Fred.
Come on, grab ahold.
Where's Little Ricky?
Oh, he'll be out in a minute.
Honey, here's Daddy. Hi, partner!
Hi, Daddy. Hi.
Hey, honey, hurry back, will you?
Because I want to tell you all about the PTA meeting.
We made some wonderful plans.
No, absolutely not.
"No, absolutely not" what?
I am not going to cook Spanish food for 800 people
at another school bazaar again.
Well, it's not a bazaar.
It's a pageant, and it's called The Enchanted Forest.
Oh. Oh.
Little Ricky's gonna be in it.
Oh, is he? Yeah.
What's he gonna do?
I don't know. They haven't assigned the parts yet.
Well, if, uh...
they haven't assigned the parts,
how do you know that he's gonna be in it?
Well, it's being presented by the kindergarten
and the first and second grades.
He's bound to be in it.
Oh, I see.
In fact, I assume Little Ricky will have the star part.
And why do you assume that he's gonna have the star part?
Well, my goodness, it's perfectly obvious to me
that Little Ricky has much more talent
than any other child in the school.
It should also be obvious to you
that there are a lot
of other talented children in school,
and that their families
probably feel exactly the same way.
Well, honey, it's only right that the most talented child
get the biggest role.
Now, it isn't fair to our son
to give him a stale, unimportant little part.
Now, Lucy, listen to me.
Hey, Ricky,
wouldn't you like to go into your room
and play with your trains?
No, Daddy. I'd like to stay here.
Oh. Well...
will you do it as a favor to Daddy?
Okay.
Thank you, partner.
Thank you, sweetheart.
See you in a minute.
Lucy, we know that the child is talented,
but that is not the point.
It is much more important
that he learns how to cooperate
and to become a part of a group
than it is for him to be the center of attention.
Well...
No, really. We don't want him to think
that... that the world revolves around him.
We want him to learn that there are other people
that count, too.
You know something, honey?
You're absolutely right.
You know, you're a regular Cuban Dr. Spock.
Well, thank you.
Then it's all settled, huh?
Yeah, it's all settled, baby.
Okay. Come on, Fred, let's get this thing downstairs.
What? Already?
Yeah, children sure love to have a snack
when they come home from school in the afternoon.
Kids never seem to get full.
No.
I guess they burn up a lot of energy playing.
Yeah.
Well, I burn up a lot of energy eating.
Yeah.
Hi, Mommy. Hi, Ethel.
Well, hi, there.
Hi, sweetheart.
Look at those rosy cheeks.
I bet it was cold outside today.
My sandwich!
Where's my sandwich?!
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
There we are.
Honey, did you have a good time in school today?
No.
No?!
No!
Gee, it reminds me of my schooldays.
Well, honey, what happened?
It's the old pageant.
What about the pageant?
Didn't the teacher give you a part?
Yes.
Well, then why the long face?
She just wanted to give me a little part.
Well, now, I think that's fine.
I don't.
Why not?
I don't want a stale little part.
Oh, dear. You don't?
I should get a big part.
I've got talent.
Well, now, whoever told you that?
You did.
Where are you going?
I think I hear my mother calling me.
Little Ricky, darling,
I want to have a talk with you.
Now, listen, honey.
Even though
you might want to have a big part in the pageant,
you must realize that the other little boys and girls
in the school want to have a big part, too.
Now, the main thing
is to make the pageant a success, isn't it?
So, honey, it's much more important
for you to cooperate, and be a member of the group,
than it is to be the center of attention.
Do you understand what I'm trying to say?
Yes, Mommy.
Good.
Now, tomorrow, when you go to school,
I want you to tell your teacher
that you'll be very happy to accept that stale...
that nice little part in the pageant. Okay?
Okay, Mommy.
All right, sweetheart.
Hi, Lucy.
Hi.
Say, how about playing
some bridge tonight?
Oh, sorry, honey.
Ricky has to go
to a fathers' meeting at school.
And, say, the last time we played bridge,
you said you'd never want to play with me again.
What happened?
Our television set's broken.
Stranded, eh?
Hi, Ethel. Hi.
Honey, I'll be back about 8:30 or 9:00. Okay.
What's the meeting for, Rick?
Well, it's a school pageant, you know.
Yeah, well, the parents are going to take part in it, too,
and the fathers are getting their assignments tonight.
Yeah, they'll probably want me
to produce and direct the whole thing.
Gee, it sounds like a big job.
Yes, I guess it'll be, but, you know,
it's one of those things that they ask you to do
that you have to do, you know.
Well, I'm very proud of you, dear.
You're such a good father.
It's nothing, honey.
It's a community project,
and everyone should be proud and glad to do their part.
That's right, dear.
I'll see you later.
Bye-bye, sweetheart.
(sighs)
Oh, boy, you're married to a wonderful guy.
Yeah.
Hey, how about playing some three-handed bridge?
Okay. I'll go get the dummy.
That meeting's taking longer than Ricky figured.
Well, you know Ricky.
When he's in charge of something,
time means nothing.
Huh! Mira!
Que quieren la cosa la gente. Huh!
Se puede ofrecerle uno que voy hacerlo.
Y quieren que haga alli
Y no me lo dan a mi nada!
Honey! Honey! What's wrong?
I'll tell you what's wrong. What?
You know who they picked
to produce and direct the pageant?
Who?
Clifford Terry.
Clifford Terry?!
Yeah. He's not even in show business.
He runs an orange juice stand.
Why did they ever pick him?
Because, during intermission,
he's gonna give them free orange juice.
That's why they ever picked him.
What are you gonna be? His assistant?
No.
His assistant's assistant? No.
Know what they want me to do? What?
They want me to be an actor
with all the little kids in The Enchanted Forest.
Well, honey, that doesn't sound so bad.
It's probably a big role.
What part are you gonna play?
A hollow tree.
A hollow tree?
A hollow tree.
Eso es lo que quieren que yo haga.
Un actor como mi pasando un hollow tree.
Eso es lo que quieren que haga yo alla.
The only father in the whole school
that is in show business,
and they want me to play a hollow tree.
Mira que tienen cosa.
I've got a good mind to tell them that
I don't want anything to do
with the whole school pageant.
Daddy, you woke me up.
Oh. I'm sorry, son.
I'm... I'm sorry I shouted so loud.
Daddy?
What?
Why don't you want to be a tree?
Oh. Well, I'm a performer.
I've been in show business since I was a...
I think you should be a tree.
You do?
Uh-huh. It's more fun to cooperate
than to be the center of attention.
You're right, son.
You're absolutely right.
I'll be a tree.
Oh, boy! Daddy's gonna be a tree!
Daddy's gonna be a tree!
Well, I guess he taught you a lesson.
Just because you couldn't be the big cheese,
you didn't want to play.
Don't you talk too much.
Wait till you find out what they want you to do.
What?
You are going to be the old witch.
Ew!
Oh, a hollow tree and an old witch.
Funny, huh?
And don't you two laugh either.
What do you mean?
Well, all the parents are busy
in the production and direction end
of this extravaganza,
so I told them that you two
would be very happy to take a part.
Oh.
Oh, no. What did they pick out for me?
Oh, they got a dilly for you.
You're gonna be a frog.
Freddy the Frog.
Oh, that's really funny.
And you, Ethel, are gonna be
the Fairy Princess. ETHEL: Oh!
Well, if there's anything funnier than me being a frog,
it's you being a fairy princess.
Hey, how come she's a fairy princess
and I'm a witch?
Now, look, dear, remember,
you have to cooperate with the group.
I don't mind cooperating,
but this casting is ridiculous.
Just what do you mean by that?
Oh, nothing personal, Ethel,
but anyone can see you look more like a witch than I do.
Well, I'm glad you didn't get personal.
Look, it's really purely a matter of economics.
What do you mean?
Well, they want to use the costume
that they used last year for the Fairy Princess,
and Ethel happens to fit it perfect.
Oh, yeah, last year. I remember.
Jimmy Wilson's mother was the Fairy Princess
and, oh, she's a...
Oh, you'll fit it perfectly.
Hi, Mommy. Hi, Daddy.
Hi, partner.
Oh, hi, sweetheart.
Say, that bus got you home kind of early today, didn't it?
Say, what's this?
Oh, what have you been doing?
A note from the teacher.
"Dear Mrs. Ricardo,
"The child who was to have played the lead in the pageant
"can't do it because his parents feel the part is too big,
"and he can't memorize all the lines.
"If you think your son can handle it,
we'd like him to play the lead."
Isn't that wonderful?
Wait a minute, honey. Who are you calling?
I'm going to call his teacher
and tell her we'd be delighted to have Ricky play the lead.
Now, wait a minute, honey.
I don't know whether he can handle a lead.
He's just a little boy.
Honey, he's got show business in his blood.
You can handle
the lead, can't you, honey?
Sure, Mommy.
Sure.
Hello? Hello, Miss Pringle.
This is Mrs. Ricardo.
Yes. We just read your note,
and we'd like to tell you that we'd be delighted
to have Ricky play the lead.
Yes. Well, thank you very much. Bye.
Mommy. What, sweetheart?
What's a lead?
Oh, dear.
"What's a lead?"
Come on, partner. Time to go to bed.
Oh, not yet, dear. I want him
to rehearse his lines just once more.
Oh. How's he doing?
Fine. By tomorrow night,
he's gonna be perfect.
Now, honey, let's show Daddy.
Little Suzy says, "Sometime, wouldn't you like to visit
the Enchanted Forest, Billy?"
Come on, now. You remember, honey.
All you do is nod.
That's right.
Lucy, I don't know, dear.
This is an awfully big part for a little fellow.
I don't think we can expect him
to memorize the whole thing in a couple of days.
Oh, now, honey, don't worry.
He'll remember them all right.
Now, suppose that he doesn't remember them all right?
Well, so what can happen?
There will always be one of us--
you or me or Fred or Ethel-- close by to help him.
Now, don't worry about it.
Now, Little Ricky, this is the end.
Suzy is sitting there
reading the book about the Enchanted Forest,
and she comes to the end of the story.
What do we do?
(yawning)
"...and after the mean old witch
"recited the code of the Enchanted Forest,
"the Fairy Princess waved her wand
"and there was dancing and singing
and everyone lived happily ever after."
Sometime, wouldn't you like to visit
the Enchanted Forest, Billy?
I said, "Sometime, wouldn't you like
to visit the Enchanted Forest, Billy?"
Good.
Good. Maybe, if we go right to sleep,
we'll visit the Enchanted Forest in our dreams.
(applause)
Look! This must be the Enchanted Forest.
(piano playing "Funeral March of a Marionette")
(gnomes humming along with music)
(all humming and squealing excitedly)
(music getting faster)
(gnomes continue humming along with upbeat music)
(panicked squealing)
(gnomes screaming intermittently)
(gnomes scream, music pauses)
(music resumes)
(gnomes scream, music pauses)
(music resumes)
(all humming happily along with music)
(applause)
(drumroll)
Isn't this a beautiful forest?
The most beautiful forest I ever saw.
SUZY: I sure would love to live here.
Wouldn't you?
(whispering): I'd love to live here, too.
I'd love to live here, too.
Thanks, Daddy.
The bunnies!
The bunnies, Billy!
(piano playing "Early In the Morning")
(clopping in time with music)
(closing flourish plays)
(applause)
(music resumes)
(clopping in time with music)
(applause)
Weren't the gnomes and bunnies adorable?
Yes. And here comes Hippity-Hoppity the frog.
Where?
Right over there.
(hopping in time with drumbeat)
Hello, children.
Hello. Hello.
You must be Hippity-Hoppity.
That's right.
What's your name, little girl?
I'm Suzy Brown,
and this is my brother.
Well, hello, young fella.
What's your name?
My name is, uh, um...
Huh?
I can't hear ya.
Billy Brown!
Oh, yeah.
My name is Billy Brown.
We were just saying,
we sure would love to live here.
That's right, Hippity-Hoppity.
Can we live in the Enchanted Forest?
Why, sure, but there's one thing
you've got to be careful about.
You mean the witch?
Yes, because she doesn't like little children.
So you've got to hide behind the magic tree
when you see her.
Then you'll be safe.
We'll remember.
Thanks for telling us, Hippity.
You're welcome.
(distant hooting)
What's that?
HIPPITY: Why, those are our friends the three wise owls.
(piano playing music hall music)
(music slowing down)
(music stops)
(applause)
(loud, eerie rattling)
It's the witch!
Hurry! Hide!
(witch cackling)
(cackling)
Aha!
I see you, children.
You come out from behind that tree!
No! Never!
This is a magic tree.
You can't hurt us here.
All right, then. If you won't come out,
then I'm gonna put a curse on your friend Hippity-Hoppity.
Hippity-bippity...
No! Don't do that!
Don't hurt our friend!
All right, then, you come with me.
No! Never!
Why not?
Do you know who I am, little boy?
I say, do you know who I am?
Sure. You're my mommy.
WITCH: Uh-uh.
You are the witch.
But I'm not the witch.
I'm Billy Brown.
Ai-yi-yi-yi.
If you're not gonna come with me,
then I'm gonna take you with me!
(screaming)
(distant singing)
HIPPITY: Oh, it's the Fairy Princess.
Do not be frightened, little children.
Nothing can harm you now that I am here.
(yells)
Run to the frog.
And now,
so that the witch cannot harm
little children anymore,
I'm going to wave my magic wand
and banish her from the Enchanted Forest forever.
Vanish, old witch!
Vanish!
(applause)
Come here.
And, now that the wicked witch has been banished,
we can all live in the Enchanted Forest
happily ever af-after.
Can't the witch ever come back?
Only if she promises to start loving little children
instead of hating them,
and she must be a good witch
and live by the code of the Enchanted Forest.
Give her another chance, Fairy Princess.
Yes, please give her another chance.
Yeah. Why don't you give the kid a break?
All right, if it will make you all happy.
Reappear
Return, old witch
And come back here.
What do you want?
We may let you stay.
Oh, let me stay, Fairy Princess.
Let me stay.
Only if you promise to be a good witch.
I promise to be a good witch.
And you have to start loving little children.
I will.
And you have to recite the code
of the Enchanted Forest.
I will! I will! I will!
Come, gnomes!
Come, bunnies!
Oh, come on, everybody!
Gather round!
Come on, everybody!
I promise to be good and kind and gentle,
and to love little children
and all the birds, the trees, and the flowers and the animals,
and I promise to, uh...
uh...
I promise to, uh...
Promise to laugh and sing and spread joy and happiness.
Oh. Thanks, dear.
I promise to laugh and sing and spread joy and happiness,
and I promise never to cast an evil spell as long as I live.
(all cheering)
And now, let there be dancing and singing.
WITCH: Hi-dee-dee
Di-da-di.
(piano playing)
ALL: The witch has changed from bad to good
And now she's acting like she should
She loves each child eternally
And she loves you and you and me...
And now the...
(applause)
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