Subs created by: David Coleman.
Hey, plants and plantettes, time for your total topsoil turnover.
Oh, it's the least I can do since you..
Chloro-fill my life with love.
Oh, what is that?
Well, hello!
How long have you been hiding out down there?
Sorry, green gang, your full root massage is gonna have to wait.
Wow.
My students are sure gonna dig all the archeological stuff I..
Dug up on you!
Pardon my nap uh..
And you are?
I am Lucia. I have been summoned.
Am I being replaced?
How long have I been out?
Uh.
Oh, that smarts!
Um, I, uh..
I think I better go and see the nurse.
Oh.
Welcome, my young warriors.
I am Lucia.
I heard we have a sub in for Mr. G!
What prank do we pull first?
Alien fire drill or sub in a bucket?
What?
Oh.
Hottest sub..
Ever!
She's the girl next door.
Nice but naughty, a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.
What you get is what you see.
No more "maybe it's Maybelline".
She can give you everything you need.
She's the girl next door.
Nice but naughty, a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.
You understand her?
She's talking?
I didn't notice.
- Hey. - What's going on in there?
Who's the fashion-fail in the Muumuu?
I know, right?
Ms. Lucia is subbing for Mr. G.
She's so nice.
Right.
Anyway, do you still little wooden-stake darts?
You mean pencils? Yeah, why?
Some vampire jerk stood her up.
She wants to make a point, but I..
All warriors must get to work.
The hour of judgment approaches.
Okay.
Uh, so where are the girl warriors?
Banished. Maidens have no use but to serve their Queen when the hour is at hand.
Well, that was weird.
Makes me want to turn that sub into a sandwich.
What did Ms. Lucia mean by "hour of judgment"?
She's talking about a test!
Yes.
You will all be tested.
Test me first.
Is the question, "are you pretty?"
Answer.. Uh-huh.
Now, who will help me?
Oh! Me, me. Ms. Lucia!
You have no idea yet what I ask.
Pick me! I have even less an idea!
We must make an altar on which to heap offerings to the light.
I don't think we can do that.
Last time I tried putting a hot tub in the science lab..
Your altar shall be most awesome.
- How lame was.. - I'm in too!
This is the weirdest homework ever.
What part of "sacred list of offerings to please the heavens".
Don't you understand?
Uh, all of it.
Look at this.. Obsidian, Plumeria Rumbra.
I don't even know what half of this is, let alone where to find it.
Never question the orders of a babe. All right?
Now if you don't mind, all I need to be teacher's pet is Bloodstone?
You girls have any Bloodstone? It sounds vampirey!
All out of Bloodstone.
But I can make you bleed with a rock.
So your freaky sub gave you freaky homework?
And you're not freaked?
Hot teacher, frozen brain. Done.
My brain is not frozen, I just..
.. Have to find frog hearts.
Yeah.
Am I nuts or did we just get blown off by nerds?
Something messed up is going on.
Excuse me. Who are you?
Who authorized you to make a desk fort?
Mind your tone when addressing Lucia.
I have come to return the world to endless light.
Oh, I see, so you are crazy.
Cuckoo. Your deck is less than full.
As you command, my Queen.
Uh, why's she still here?
Don't tell me she's subbing for our class too.
She's not even all that hot.
Okay, fine, she's a Goddess.
But I can still hate her.
Lucia is a Queen, she is not a Goddess.
I told you maidens, go.
So you want us to skip class?
- We have.. - Done and done.
Principal Hicks? Are you sure you're cool with this?
Lucia is my Queen!
I am her throne!
Please be seated, my Queen.
Excellent.
Okay.
Cow lips, pigeon feet, snake liver?
Where am I gonna find that?
Yes!
Old hotdogs!
They're crammed full of weird animal bits!
Ms. Lucia's going to love me!
I claim these for my Queen.
Get your hands off my hotdogs, you weenie!
- My Queen. - Stop it!
My Queen. My Queen.
Hello? Ethan, forget the stupid scavenger hunt.
Your weird sub is getting weirder.
Sarah, it's no big deal.
- She's just really.. - Hot?
I know, but you need to wake up!
Something is seriously wrong!
She just convinced Principal Hicks to be her throne!
Whoa, that is not right.
Principal Hicks hates being sat on.
Don't worry, I'll look into it, okay?
Okay, bye.
Guys, stop!
It's all fun and games till someone gets a hotdog in the eye.
- What are you talking about? - Ow! My eye!
Ah! See?
Praise the Sun King.
Praise the Sun King!
Ms. L! Hey! I did it!
Wildflowers, animal parts, and frog hearts. Bam!
You can't beat any of my frog hearts because they are still beating!
Sarah was right. This is really messed up.
The offerings are pleasing.
Next..
The altar must be made to shine like the sun.
No problemo.
By covering it with purest gold.
Uno problemo.
Did somebody leave a window open or something?
Excuse me.
Benny, where are you going?
Relax, dude. I seek gold for my Queen!
Oh, and..
Praise the Sun King.
Yeah, praise the Sun King.
You have no offering, scrawny one?
Then you must bring me extra gold.
Most teachers are happy with getting an apple.
No gold for me. It is for him.
My love. Bringer of Light.
You're not from this school district, are you?
Something wrong, little funny face?
Uh, I think I have some gold stars on my algebra test.
They're extra shiny. I'll go get them.
Do as your Queen commands.
Praise the Sun King.
Jane, is Ethan here?
Yeah, but he's acting kind of insane.
Even for him.
Let's go see.
Silver, rubies, diamonds. Worthless junk!
Lucia demands gold!
- What's a Lucia? - Gold for my Queen!
I think Ethan and the guys at school are under some sort of spell.
It's up to the girls to save the day.
All right! Count me in!
I meant me and Erica.
Of course you did.
I got your gold.
Thousands of years' worth of Grandma's antique jewelry.
And I have filled my pockets with gold coins for my Queen!
Oh, man.
The chocolate part melted.
Close enough, young warriors.
Put them in the fire.
Gold!
Where did you get that?
Pried loose from the bosom of Mother Earth!
I dug it up.
The Sun King will be most pleased.
- You kiss him? - No fair!
He's immortal! How can we compete!
Silence!
Now melt the gold and pour it over the altar.
- Get to work! - Now hang on a jiffy!
I'm feeling ship-shape so if you don't mind, I'd like my class back.
And, ooh, my crystal skull.
Oh, guys, what would the fire marshal say about this open flame?
Fire marshal here.
Guys, that is a no-no!
You called me forth.
You shall be the bearer of the sacred vessel.
Well, that's a persuasive offer and..
You are more smoldering than that fire, but, uh..
Well, as I was saying, praise the Sun King and call me sacred vessel.
Praise the Sun King!
I am totally praising the Sun King!
I praise him twice as hard as you!
The Sun King is pleased. He will soon return to us.
You may cheer.
Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
Soon the final ceremony will demand the ultimate sacrifice.
Who among you is worthy to be my chosen one?
Me! Me! Please! No, I want to be!
That Lucia thinks she's so hot, it makes my blood boil!
Ah, ow!
That's not the only thing that's boiling!
Lucia's heating the whole world up.
The sun is turning my skin into human fondue!
If I find that Sun King, I am going to knock his teeth out.
We need a plan and fast.
Think. What would Ethan and Benny do?
No offense, but that's a really stupid idea.
You know saying "no offense" doesn't make it less mean.
Why think like nerdlings..
When we can kick butts like vampires?
Okay, where's whatserface?
The Queen prepares for the Sun King's return!
I'm gonna be the chosen one!
Whatever. I'm not leaving without smashing something.
Well, she seems to like that skull.
We will die in defense of the sacred skull.
- Especially Rory. - Yeah.
Whatevs.
Wait!
They're under a spell!
We need to retreat and come up with a better plan.
Fine. But we'll be back.
Praise the Sun King!
If that's not a spell, this is the worst Glee Club ever.
Now there are some folks, like my wife,
who are worried about reports from certain scientists
about a visibly swollen solar corona, or sun, that may melt the entire planet.
But there's no need to panic because this just means we're gonna have
a doozy of a sunset tonight at the hour of judgment.
All hail the Sun King, am I right, Ms. Lucia?
Yes. The altar is ready.
The ceremony soon begins.
Prepare to welcome the Sun King.
Back to you, Vance.
Wowzah.
Sounds like the hour of judgment is tonight at sundown.
And if we don't act fast, the sun's gonna take down our friends with it!
I'm glad you called me.
I figured we needed to come up with a plan like Ethan and Benny would.
And then, give up, call you.
Like Ethan and Benny would.
Lucia is an ancient Maztak name.
Now, the Maztaks were pretty big on gold and animal hearts too. Look.
"The Sun King and the Sky Queen created the Earth together,
but an argument between the two brought eternal night to the world".
Too bad they didn't have couples counseling.
"Prophets say one day a Queen will make an offering so pleasing,"
"the Sun King will return to the Earth in an explosion of light"
"that will end the mortal world"?
At least I won't have to finish that essay.
Yay!
Lucia had the boys build an altar at school.
She said the hour of judgment was tonight at sundown.
Well, what're you doing yammering with an old lady?
It's up to you girls to save the world!
Grandma's right.
It's girl power or nothing.
We need to get our geek on and come up with a plan fast.
Yay!
She said girl power, not little girl power.
Boo.
The ceremony will soon begin.
Lower.
The light must hit at the perfect angle.
Prepare the chosen one!
This final offering must please the Sun King.
Yup! Chosen one coming through.
I'm number one! I'm number one!
I can't believe the guy who always gets picked last gets to be the chosen one.
I can't believe I'm jealous of Rory.
Wow, it's kind of warm up here.
Can't the chosen one get someone to fan him?
The warmth will not last long, oh, chosen one.
Neither will any of you.
Where's our big plan?
I'm trying to find Lucia's weakness and her power source.
What exactly are you doing to help?
Lucia's only weakness is her taste in robes.
And glass heads.
Right! Her crystal skull!
I bet that's her power source!
Check this out.
The sun's rays are lighting up the skull!
So what?
So, what happened in the original myth?
Why did the sun and the Earth split up in the first place?
Uh, long-distance relationships never work out?
Nice one.
Here it is, they split because the moon Goddess came between them.
Great. Gotta give the moon Goddess a call.
Got her cell number?
Maybe we don't need the actual moon.
Just something that will channel the moon's energy.
Well, maybe I'm just a "little girl,"
but I know a big geek who paid six months' allowance to buy moonstones online.
He even sleeps with them under his pillow.
Ewe! Great.
Now I'm gonna have to go chew off this hand.
Okay, got 'em.
Let's go.
You're welcome!
You two may now anoint the chosen one with precious oils.
Ick.
I mean, must we, my Queen?
It'd be faster to spray him.
You heard our Queen!
Anoint me!
Ewe.
Good anointing.
Wow. Pretty.
Ow! That.. That's hurting the chosen one!
Do not move!
The chosen one is the sacrifice.
Obey your Queen!
You!
You are unpure!
You are cursed!
You are not the chosen one.
Great, we rubbed oil all over him and he's not even pure!
But I smell like coconut!
Off the altar at once!
Huh? Whoa!
Better luck next time, buddy.
You.
Puppy face.
You have a pure heart.
You are the final offering.
Yes, my Queen.
Ah, no way! No fair!
Wait. No!
No, guys, this is wrong.
This is bad. We have to stop this!
Oh, suck it up, puppy face!
If that's what the Queen wants, then so be it.
It's the end of the world!
We've got our moon rocks and paint for the windows.
Sarah, we're risking our lives with a flimsy plan based on one old legend.
You're under a spell! I am not the chosen one!
So modest. I was not worthy.
She's gonna destroy all of you!
Nobody likes a sore winner, Ethan.
Come on. Time to dethrone a Queen.
Who dares defile the Sun King's sacred temple?
The weather girls are here with an updated forecast.
Yeah, cloudy with a 100 percent chance of butt kicking.
Warriors! Attack!
Wow, you guys look hot!
It's a shame we're gonna have to destroy you.
Chosen one needs your help!
Ah!
What happened?
Why are my hands so oily?
Why do I look like a basted turkey?
Ewe!
Accept this sacrifice, my Sun King!
- Ah! - Purify the Earth in eternal fire!
Here's one final offering!
From the moon Goddess!
No!
What.. What happened?
We saved the world.
And we looked pretty amazing while doing it.
True story.
Hey! You smashed my moon rocks!
It took me my whole life to save up for those.
Well, I just saved your whole life, for free!
Right.
I guess the way you stopped Lucia was pretty cool.
I just wish Mr. G thought it was cool.
He gave us a week's detention for smashing his skull.
Sweet!
Not literally!
Oh. Wow!
Mr. G has never given anyone detention!
He's way too nice!
You and Erica are gonna be legends!
We prefer the term "Goddesses".
She's the girl next door.
Nice but naughty, a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.
Subs created by: David Coleman.