Excuse me. Someone's left--
there's a wallet here from some previous passenger.
Oh, I'll turn it in to dispatch.They got a lost and found.
There's close to $100.
Yeah, it happens all the time.
I'd-- I'd feel better
if I saw to its return.
You're putting me in a jam here.
The guy's gonna call looking for it.
That's me.
You know what? You do what you got to do, mister.
Oh, that's for you.
Man on TV: High tides and heavy surf
battered the coast of north Carolina today.
Force 40 winds and heavy rain forced evacuation
along the coast as far inland as three miles.
That was quite a soiree.
Did masters and Johnson come in yet?
They haven't passed by.
I should come and sit down
so I can see them slink in in shame.
You seem to be in fine spirits.
Well, I didn't get into too much trouble on Saturday.
Plus, Mohawk called me at home this morning.
Ah.
- I hate to interrupt, Mr. Pryce,
but I have your wife.
- Which line? - Three.
- It's blinking. - They're all blinking.
- Three. - If you don't mind.
I've called a partners' meeting.
Hello, dearest.
Look, I know you were upset when you left,
and perhaps I'm overreacting.
Becca, dear,
this is why I don't like you opening the mail.
I only want to ensure that Nigel is enrolled in the fall.
Nigel's enrollment isn't an issue
whether we pay now or not.
Then why would they attach such a threatening letter to a bill?
Wouldn't you rather have your money in June than September if you were them?
Well, I worry about them saving his spot for him,
especially with his marks.
I assure you that St. Paul's is aware
that we plan on having him return
and simply wishes to earn whatever interest they can
on the full amount for the next three months.
Couldn't you spare that interest
in exchange for my peace of mind?
Lane, darling?
What? I'm sorry. I didn't get that last bit.
Nothing. Don't forget
to get the name of Megan's real estate agent.
Yes, dear.
And her decorator.
Oh, Apolo, you're so good with him.
Oh, I wasn't expecting you back so soon.
First in line at the post office.
- It wasn't that bad. - Hello, miss Joan.
Sink is draining.
Turns out it was a lemon peel.
I'm sure you know we're appreciative,
but mother and I have so much to do.
I am busy, busy, too.
Oh, you don't have to rush off.
He doesn't have to rush off, does he?
When you need Apolo, you call Apolo.
I want him to hear--
that was just rude.
It is one thing to have him work here,
it is another thing to give him cake and my baby.
His fingers have been in every toilet from here to the Bowery.
He brought the cookies.
If you want to go on a date with him, just ask.
He's married with four children.
I'm just making sure this apartment gets his attention.
This apartment has never had any trouble getting his attention.
Yes, Joanie.Everyone's staring at you.
You know you're not exactly at your fighting weight.
Try me.
You asked me to come out here.
You can go home any time you want.
You should think before you say that.
I got my money's worth.
Well, I wasn't going to show you this.
That doesn't make any sense.
Look, I'm sure it's not the way anyone wants you to find out.
No, it's not in the want ads.
And, honestly, they don't have the money for more people.
It's not more people. It's you.
You love stirring the shit.
I am telling you something you don't want to hear.
And you are making this very painful for me.
Megan draper just invited me to her party.
At the very last minute.
Don't tell me that girl's not conniving.
You think she wants you around her husband?
I'm going to lie down.
Sometimes life makes decisions for you.
- Have a good day. - Okay.
- Bonjour. - I know your birthday was last week,
and I was told you don't celebrate it and not to bring it up.
Now I feel like I got caught with my pants down,
so I got you a little something.
It's a plant.
I just wanted to say happy birthday.
Kiss-ass.
Thank you.
I can get you some coffee, but there's a partners' meeting.
- Nobody's there. - It's in Mr. Campbell's office.
- You want to smile? - Is it your obituary?
No, it's the little salt we rubbed in Y&R's wound.
- It's beautiful, no?
- That's Mr. Campbell. - Shall we?
- Roger. - What?
We don't make fun of each other's wives here.Understood?
Come on, I wasn't making fun of her.
I was making fun of you. You're happy.
- I am. - Well, I want you to be happy.
Somebody should be.
You know, two weeks ago,
Jane asked me, "which one's Mussolini?"
No, it's good. She's a great girl.
They're all great girls. At least until they want something.
Let's go.
They're just leaving now.
What, did they stop for a drink?
Well, why don't you get off your rear, find them, and tell them I'm about--
they're here.
Gentlemen, if you could slide over a bit.
- A marvelous fete. - Oh, yes.
I have instructions from Trudy to thank both of you.
- Why are we meeting in here? - Why are we here?
Please don't smoke in here. I spent the morning choking on the train.
So, Mohawk is coming in. I've brought them in.
- What do you know about that? - That's great news.
- When? - I don't know.
All I was thinking is that I bring Henry and Jack in here
to this very gathering of individuals, but I have one question.
Where are they going to sit?
I mean, what kind of impression does this space give you?
Do you gaze upon the cement column and think,
"yes, I believe success for me and my company dwells here."
- Why don't you take them to the conference room?
Because it's not that meeting.
Fine, we'll have it in my office.
This does not involve you, Roger.
Nor does Vicks, Playtex,life cereal, Samsonite,
Sugarberry ham, Secor laxative.
Need I go on?
What are you suggesting?
He's suggesting that you give him your office.
No, he's not.
- Yes, I am. - Well, forget it.
Where am I supposed to conduct business?
In the crapper for all I care.
I'm a full partner and you're a junior.
So sorry, Charlie, but them's the breaks.
Gentlemen, I'm sure we can find an equitable solution to this.
- There's no need for a row. - You're right.
I say we put it to a vote.
I say we step outside.
I didn't think so.
Good work on Mohawk.
Thank you, but I'm dead serious about this.
I have too much responsibility and too much business
to apply my skills in this environment.
You all know it.
We'll buy more space.
- If we're handing out offices... - Absolutely not.
I can't extend our credit line any further.
It'll work itself out.
Congratulations.
When are they coming in?
I'm still not sure they should,
considering the situation.
Great party, Don.
Absolutely.
I couldn't sleep.
Oh, those tits and that mouth.
She's such a sex kitten.
That whole dance-- how did he just sit there?
You can't stand up once you get in that condition.
I would have. I would just stood up
and grabbed her little French behind
and pushed her through those cheap post four walls.
- Hi, Megan. - Very funny.
God, what I would do to her.
Like what, for example?
I'll tell you what.
I would love to see those heels on my shoulder.
Ooh, Je Voudrais masharry.
Good morning.
Great party. Thrilled to be included.
Jennifer was very jealous.
I think I'm gonna die.
- Oh! - You could have warned me.
I did.
I have the owner of the wallet returning your call.
Thank you.
- Hello. - Woman: Hello, Mr. Pryce.
I'm calling for Alex Polito.
- And who is this? - This is his girl Delores.
Oh.
When he comes into the office,
I think I should speak with him personally.
Oh, I'm not his secretary. I'm his girl.
I'm like his wife, but I can't call myself that.
Oh.
You don't sound happy about that.
- Excuse me? - I'm married myself.
Oh, good for you. What's her name?
Rebecca. Rebecca pryce.
Well, obviously.
- That's a pretty name. - I suppose so.
She enjoys it.
Do you think she's home right now,
lying in bed, talking to a stranger?
Oh, I should hope not.
So-- so you have Alex's wallet?
Yes, I do.
And where are you?
I'm at my offices in midtown.
Oh, are you in big business?
Excuse me?
Are you in a big office building?
Uh, yes.
That's why I don't have the luxury
of lying around at 11:00 in my underthings.
I didn't tell you that part.
You didn't say I was incorrect, either.
Where the hell are you from?
You sound like Cary Grant.
I told you, midtown.
Why don't I--
listen, I really should return this--
you know, the wallet.
I could slip it in the post or...
Of course, you know, that has its disadvantages.
There's a bit of cash here.
Or I could hand-deliver it.
Is this a current address?
I don't know.
I don't know if that would be proper.
No, of course.
Why don't you meet me at my place of business?
I'll give you the address or have my secretary help you.
Yeah. Why don't we do that?
And I'll come by when I can.
Well, I'll be here the rest of my life.
Uh, just a minute.
I look forward to it.
Why not?
Toodle-loo.
That's cute.
Scarlett, would you give this woman directions to our office?
She's on line three.
- Mr. Crane.
Mr. Sterling has requested you in his office.
- Is there a meeting? - He just--
he just came over here, said he needed to see you
and walked away.
- Why didn't he come in? - I don't know.
He knows you're in there.
Okay. Okay. Did you see him talking to Megan or Don?
I've been working. What did you do?
Nothing!
You wanted to see me?
I did.
Come in, have a seat.
No, that's okay.
I think you should have a seat.
Okay.
Now, I think you know
that we like to think of this place as a family.
And there are certain ways a family behaves.
What did she say? You have to hear my side of it.
Your side of what?
What-- nothing.
You're always up to something, aren't you, crane?
It was an honest mistake and I consider myself reprimanded.
Great.
I was thinking Pete could take your office.
Really?
Look, I Will apologize face to face,
as horrible as that Will be, but I think you're--
there's no reason to let me go.
You're not getting fired.
- Oh. - And what the hell did you do?
I made fun of "zou bisou."
So did I.
Is that a crime? No.
I tried to get Jane to talk to me in that accent.
Nothing doing. She doesn't speak French. She doesn't like me.
I went home after and Jennifer didn't know what was coming.
- I was like-- - I don't want to hear that.
No, of course you don't. Why would you?
Look, I think you can understand that Pete needs a bigger office.
And just between you, me, and the window washer,
it's been decided that you should trade.
Who decided that?
- I did. - I can't do that.
And I don't know that I have to do it. Do I?
Harry...
I'm asking you as a friend.
And I appreciate that,roger, I really do,but I need my office.
Look, first of all, Pete's office isn't that different.
- I disagree. - Fine.
Name the most important person you could bring into this office.
William Paley.
Okay, so you shouldn't do that.
Trust me, network and studio executives
want to think you're out there jet-setting,
rubbing shoulders with television stars
and chorus girls.
You should be talking to clients ringside
or at a three-star restaurant,
not coming into your miserable little office.
But I do. I come in here almost every day.
And Pete's office is a shit hole with a support beam.
What if I were to make it worth your while?
I'm already head of my department.
What would be an appropriate bonus?
There's no bonuses. We have no money.
How much would it take?
Well, first of all,it's more than you could have on you.
Really?
That's $1,100.
Why do you carry so much cash?
It's more than 1,000, Harry.
That is a month's salary
after taxes.
There's no window in there.
You could buy yourself a very beautiful picture
of something to look at.
Well, okay.
- But you're gonna owe me. - No, I'm not.
I just gave you a lot of money.
This is a transaction. And if you don't like it,
we can have the conversation you thought we were having.
So this is every month?
Get the hell out of my office.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
I'm Joan.
I'm Meredith. Can I help you?
Joan Harris.
I work here.
Worked here. I've been on leave.
Oh, Joan.
My goodness.
It's hard to believe you just had a baby.
You don't know where I started.
Do you want me to announce you?
No, I'll let myself in.
- Are you sure? - No one mentioned a new girl.
I guess they needed someone up here
because Scarlett is now covering Mr. Pryce
so that she can do the books with Clara.
Well, now I can understand why I wasn't told.
Oh, my god. My mouth.
Could you just help me with the door?
Oh, he's adorable.
Please don't be mad at me for telling you that.
I'm very happy being nobody here.
I know a girl who had your job who ended up with everything.
Where would you like to visit first?
I suppose my office.
Yes, yes, absolutely. Joan.
My goodness, you look radiant.
- Can I see him? - I don't see why not.
- Where's Scarlett? - Go fetch Caroline.
Joanie.
Look at you out and about.
Yes, we're gonna stop by the Copa later.
One of us badly needs a drink.
Lane made it very clear we're not hiring anybody.
I don't care how buxom his mother is.
Oh, Don.
- Look at that. - He's okay.
Hello, Megan.
Oh, hello, Joan.
I'm sure I'm not ruining any surprises at this point,
but how was your party? I'm sorry I missed it.
Oh, he's adorable.
Are we welcoming you back?
- That was my impression. - Today?
- Do you want to hold him? - What?
He's a little cabbage.
Mon petit chou.
It's just a matter of time, Don.
I should be getting back to work.
I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead.
Joanie, I'll say what I said when you left here--
this is not a good excuse.
Nice to see you.
- When are you coming back? - I was planning on three weeks.
My mother's leaving any day, so I was gonna hire a girl.
It's gonna be terrible to leave him.
Joan.
I was wondering if you were going to visit.
Oh, my hands are dirty.
Oh, my god. He looks just like you.
I should get back to work.I have more than ever,thanks to you, Joan.
Good.
So, how are you?
Roger: Well, well, well.
There's my baby.
Now move that brat out of the way so I can see her.
Hello, Roger.
Little dud like my present?
I'm sure you're aware
that a bicycle's not useful yet, uncle Roger.
Oh, no? He's a loafer?
He's been keeping me awake.
He needs constant attention.
Is that right? Let me see that.
Has anyone even seen this baby with you walking next to him?
Lane: Scarlett. Scarlett, may I see you?
I got it.
Mr. Pryce,
Mrs. Harris is here to see you.
- Oh, send her in. - I've got him.
Caroline, I need you to make dinner reservations right away.
I'll be right back.
This really is an unexpected pleasure.
Just stopping by.
Anything I should know about?
Uh, yes, actually. Pressing business.
Would you mind?
No, not at all.
What are we supposed to do with him?
Better than the steps of a church, I guess.
Have either of you seen Clara?
No.
What's that?
Oh, it's Joan's little boy.
Oh, that's darling.
Would you please take him and give him back to Joan?
Do I suddenly appear to be wearing a skirt?
Spectacular party.
Just take him.You should say hello to Joan anyways.
Clara?
She looks very good.
She does. She looked good at nine months.
I don't know about that.
I'm surprised you didn't tell her.
- Tell her what? - That she looked terrible.
You seem to say whatever's on your mind.
Is something wrong?
No.
I got the Vicks coupons done.
I know you thought you were the only one working this weekend.
No, I didn't.
Really? That's what you said to Don.
I know.
I just-- I had too much to drink and--
and you couldn't resist saying something obnoxious?
Well, just so we're clear,
I put in a lot of work on Heinz. So did you.
You can't even apologize. None of you can.
- I'm sorry. - You're sorry?
What is wrong with you people?
You're all so cynical. You don't smile.
- You smirk. - Is he mad at me?
I don't care.
Who wouldn't want a surprise party?
I don't feel well.
- Megan... - No, really, I don't-- I don't feel well.
Am I allowed to go home?
Of course.
I'm so sorry. You were right.
I apologize.
It's fine.
Lane: Heinz won't sign off on the work.
So they won't be back in for 30 days,
which means we won't get paid for another 90.
And we're about to shoot Christmas ads
for Sugarberry and Vicks.
But they won't run until Christmas,
so we won't get paid until Easter.
Well, that explains why you're asking me for all this free advice.
Oh, I'm just trying to get things in order.
So that you can eliminate my job?
What? Absolutely not.
- Then why did you run an ad? - What ad?
- In this morning's "times." - Oh, that.
That wasn't an ad.
Well, what the hell was it, then?
It was some private barb directed at Y&R.
Mrs. Harris, the books have practically
been held together with spit in your absence.
What about Scarlett and Clara splitting my work?
Splitting? The two of them together
couldn't operate a parking meter. They're imbeciles.
Well, that was a dumb thing to do.
Oh, there, there.
I'm sorry.
I've been like this since the baby.
And it's not him.
I just...
Keep thinking about what's going on here
and I missed it too much.
It's too embarrassing.
Nothing's happened.
Something always happens. Things are different.
Somebody tells a joke and you don't know what they're talking about.
There have been no jokes, not without you.
Not even at my expense?
I'm terribly adrift without you.
It's just a matter of time before they find out I'm a sham.
Nobody came to visit me.
They sent flowers with some stupid card
written by the florist.
There would have been a cake, but you weren't here to arrange it.
It's just--
and I don't expect you to understand this--
but my husband's been gone so long.
And I know he's coming home soon.
And even with my baby there and my mother...
I feel alone.
It's home, but it's not everything.
I do understand.
Now, I won't have everyone thinking I've made you cry.
Well, at least tell me about the party.
Mrs. Draper put on a bit of a burlesque.
- No. - Oh, yes.
She danced and sang in front of all of us.
She was quite the kickette.
I can't do it justice.
And Don?
I saw his soul leave his body.
I can't even imagine
how handsome that man must be blushing.
Yes.
I don't know how I ended up with him, but...
Thank you so much.
Mr. Pryce, I Will be speaking with you.
Let me take a look at him at least.
Handsome little blackheart.
- Ah!
Oops. I think...
Have you seen Clara?
Clara: Congratulations. We're gonna be right next to each other finally.
What's going on?
Clara, could you excuse us?
Well, she obviously already knows.
Please.
Uh, Roger, you know, convinced me.
We all thought it was best for the firm that you have a bigger office,
so I was asked to switch.
I'll be right back.
I appreciate your sacrifice,
but a bigger office was not the point.
Well, fine, then. I'll switch back.
Roger didn't say I couldn't switch back.
I don't care what Roger says.I am the head of accounts.
I am bringing in all the business.I deserve the bigger office.
It's a great office, Pete.
It's very important.
It's got the windows. God, I'm gonna miss them.
And you did this because roger told you to?
And also because I respect you so much.
What do you want me to say?
Look, I just need a place to hide until Megan leaves.
Oh, god, unless she told Don.
She's not gonna tell Don, is she?
I don't know what you're talking about.
- Come in.
What's up?
At your party, which was lovely,
I said something which I shouldn't have said.
And I want to apologize
if you had a bad time because of it.
I had a wonderful time.
Well, good.
The only reason I'm bringing it up
is Megan seemed kind of upset.
I'm very sorry. I should not be allowed
to drink at work functions. Or at all, honestly.
- What did she say? - Nothing.
But she went home. She wasn't feeling well.
I'm mortified if I had something to do with it.
When did she leave?
I think she wants to be alone.
You don't know her at all.
Caroline.
I'm done for the day.
- Mr. Pryce.
- Yes, Scarlett? - There's a gentleman here,
the owner of the wallet-- Mr. Polito.
He's in reception. Shall I bring him back?
No, absolutely not.
Well, do you want to see him?
Yes, I'll be out in a moment.
Of course, Mr. Pryce.
Thank you, Delores.
- Excuse me? - I said just a minute.
Hello.
Are you Mr. Polito?
I am.Although there's no way for you to know that.
You got my wallet.
I contacted you.
Thank you.
Well, I'm glad this worked out.
Hold on.
Just hold on a second.
Everything's there.
So it is.
Well, you can't blame me.
My horse came in and I lost my wallet.
Then it came in again.
- Here. - No, that's not necessary.
- You've got to take a reward. - I couldn't possibly.
My girl said you were real polite.
Obviously from the accent,you're not from around here.
No, I'm not.
This is the way we do things.
Thanks again. I mean it.
You're a real gentleman.
Megan? Where are you?
Oh, you're home.
So are you. What happened?
Nothing.
You just left without me?
- I was upset. - That's clear.
About what?
Because my apartment is filthy.
Where's the girl?
I sent her home.
What are you doing?
I'm cleaning up. I don't want to get sweaty.
- Like that? - Don't you look at me.
I'm talking to you.
I'm cleaning up.
Really?
Stop looking at me. You aren't allowed to look at me.
Then put some clothes on.
I said stop it. You don't deserve it.
Come on.
You don't like presents. You don't like nice things.
Besides, you're too old.
I don't need an old person.
You probably couldn't do it anyway.
Don't.
- Get up. - No.
I don't want people to think you're getting this.
- You want it so badly. - I don't want it.
I don't want you.
You don't get to have this. Go sit over there.
All you get to do is watch.
Where's Harry?
Who cares?
Oh, I'm sorry.Do you need to see Mr. Campbell?
No.
Is Roger sterling still here?
Yes.
I want you to let him do whatever he wants.
And I want you to pencil in an appointment tomorrow
at the coffee shop in the ferry building in Staten island.
6:00 A.M.
With Coca-Cola.
Okay.
That'll be all.
I don't think those people like me.
That's not true.
Well, I'm not sure I like them.
The reason I didn't want you to have that party is
I didn't want them in our home.
You've only been in the creative end of this business
for three months.
And being a secretary, you don't know what goes on.
There isn't one problem that Peggy or anybody in that office has
that wasn't there before you.
You think you're a splinter?
You're not.
The whole foot's been infected for years.
I love going to work with you
because you love work and you love me.
But I wonder if
maybe it's not a good idea.
I don't really care about work.
I want you at work
because I want you.
I think we have to replace the rug.
Just because you see white carpet in a magazine doesn't mean it's practical.
It's beautiful.
Well, I've taken a lot of pictures of white carpets.
You have to have four or five on hand.
I thought you wanted it.
I just wanted you to have what you want.
What are you doing?
I've got to go to Staten island.
- What time is it? - Shut up.
An above ground pool?
No, no, in the ground. With deck chairs.
That costs a fortune. You gonna dig it yourself?
We'll see what happens at Christmas.
I never count on a bonus.
I'm not talking to you.
I hope to be dead by Christmas.
Do you have any money for the grocer?
You told me not to write any checks.
No, of course.
Shh.
He's finally gone to sleep.
We cannot call security.They are applicants.
What's going on out there?
They're all here responding to your hilarious advertisement.
Oh.
Is it just me, or is the lobby full of Negroes?
- They saw the Y&R ad.
The humor was lost on them.
- Not on me. - It was a childish prank.
Because you're above that, right?
What are we gonna do?
Would you leave us be, dear?
Tell them the position's been filled.
There's the possibility that we could be the subject of a protest.
Then we interview them.Forever. They'll go away.
That is not a solution.
And who's to say there's not a reporter out there?
I don't know why we can't just hire one.
Because we're not hiring anyone.
Just fire that receptionist.
We can't have one out there.
- What is that? - It's from young & Rubicam.
It's a resume.
"1960 to '65,
toted dat barge, lifted dat bale."
Did those people out there
see that artifact come in here?
Yes. I'm positive.
Good morning.
I'd like to thank you all for coming.
First of all, we're only looking for secretaries.
So, gentlemen, you are free to leave.
I mean, you are welcome to leave.
I mean, you may go.
I Will be collecting resumes.
And then those of you who meet the qualifications
Will receive a call to schedule an interview.
♪ Don't you see
♪ that now you've gone
♪ and I'm left here on my own ♪
♪ that I have to follow you ♪
♪ and beg you to come home? ♪
♪ You don't have to say you love me ♪
♪ just be close at hand
♪ you don't have to stay forever ♪
♪ I Will understand
♪ believe me, believe me ♪
♪ I can't help but love you ♪
♪ but believe me
♪ I'll never tie you down
♪ left alone
♪ with just a memory
♪ life seems dead
♪ and so unreal
♪ all that's left
♪ is loneliness
♪ there's nothing
♪ left to fear.