(Georges Bizet’s "habanera" from "Carmen" playing)
(Shifts gears)
(Music warps) (Molly) Just four hours of my time gone in a gobble?
Hey, hey. What's up?
Hey. (Chuckles)
What up?
Oh. Well, look at that.
5 past 9:00. Off to work.
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, mmm!
(Mouth full) My God. I'm having a mouthgasm.
Actually, the chocolate is flooding your brain
with serotonin, which gives you
the same sensation as a sexual release...
Ricky, you're ruining this for me.
How can knowledge ruin anything?
Wait. What? Everybody got one of Molly's cupcakes?
(Mouth full) These are Molly's?
(Thud) Whoa!
Ohh. I would have eaten that.
Are you gonna let that stuffy corporate cog
butter cream you up?
Oh. I see what this is... A little...
(High-pitched, singsong voice) Jealousy.
(Normal voice, rapping) ♪ someone doesn't like that
♪ there's another office... (Falsetto voice) Hottie ♪
I'm not jealous, okay?
I just don't buy that whole nice British act.
She's conning you guys with cupcakes. Wait.
You think she's hot?
She's very... (Exhales) Symmetrical?
She's slave Leia hot,
chained to Jabba for his delight.
(Growls) (Deep voice) My hoochie!
Yeah, I'd tap it.
Uh, okay. Mel, just cut her some slack.
Trust me. It sucks being the new kid in this office.
I have been nice to the girl since the moment she walked in.
So sorry. Uh, Veronica's calling a bit of an impromptu meeting.
If you...
(Imitates British accent) "Uh, so sorry.
Uh, hello. Jealousy?
♪
captioned by closed captioning services, inc.
In my hands, I hold a stack of beautiful, beautiful money,
and... uh-oh...
I'm making it rain.
Oh. Oh, look at that.
Um... Molly, should I be doing this?
Um, no. And why is that?
Uh, because we're... we're actually quite broke. (Chuckles)
Ah, that is correct.
We are flatlining. Whoa. Oh.
(Imitates monitor emitting continuous tone)
But I am here to... "Clear!" (imitates defibrillator thunk)
Ooh. (Imitates heart beating)
We got a heartbeat.
Yay! The company is alive! (Chuckles)
Okay, and how will we do it, you say? Molly?
New clients, and Contra is in desperate need of some.
Great news on that front, ladies. I just landed us a doozy.
And how much money does it pay, dare I ask?
Well, to be perfectly honest with you, it is a pro bono gig,
- but there are certain hidden benefits. - (Whispers) I'll pass.
- I think you should hear me out. - (Normal voice) Pass.
There's somebody there that I would love for you...
Paso doble. Mm.
Now I do have a very long list of rich potential clients,
but I'm not gonna bore you with that right now.
Molly's going to.
(Singsongy) Ciao, lovers.
Who here likes going to Las Vegas?!
Oh, dude. Yeah!
(Speaks indistinctly) Vegas, what?
Excellent, because... (Beep)
Halfway to Vegas is... (Whirs)
The Crazy Horse Indian casino and leather boot emporium.
(Whispers) Ohh!
They are having major security issues
and need our magic touch.
(Chuckles)
Well, we are gonna kick the butt out of this job!
I'm gonna put some of my best men on it.
Oh, look. There's some chi over there.
Let me pull it back with my big rope.
Oh, no. Oh, what's happening?
Mei wei, I'm stuck in a box!
(Knocks on door)
Terribly sorry to interrupt your tai chi lesson.
I've noticed that everyone in the office
is now looking to Oz for directions
instead of you, and he's developed this...
This secret code of sorts.
Excuse me, chaps.
Uh, Veronica's requested that you have
a staggered feeding schedule.
That means you both can't go to lunch at the same time.
(Camera shutter clicks)
This means ignore what you're saying.
Per Veronica, no more pornography
on your work computers.
(Click)
This means he agrees with you.
I'd like you to alphabetize all of your receipts.
(Click)
And when he taps his chin, it means "Molly sucks."
You know, I may not look like it right now
because I'm in my special chi place,
but I'm actually uber pissed off.
Well, I thought maybe I could arrange a meeting,
um, so you could nip this whole thing
in the bud. (Chuckles)
I have an even better idea.
How about a fun little game of good cop, bad cop?
And unless you want to lose your jobs,
there will be an immediate stop to all taps, rubs, and tugs.
(Chuckles) (Chuckles)
And no more of that. I do not suck.
Personally, I am very impressed that you figured out
my little Da Vinci code. I mean, how did you do it?
Oh, well, I-I have this, um,
this whole hyperattentive brain thingy.
Come on, Waldo. Where are you, brotha?
Oh. He's there.
And there.
And there and there.
And I bought this for me! (Clatters)
Anyway, the point is, Veronica is now
the only authority in this office.
Oh, my God. Is bad cop almost done?
V., I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart,
that I am very, very sorry
that we got caught. (Sighs)
From this point forward, anything that happens
in this office I am going to run right through you. (Backup alert beeping)
(Lowered voice) It's here. It's here.
(High-pitched voice) It's here!
(Angelic choir vocalizing) 220 brilliant-cut diamonds,
hand-sewn onto a buxomy 32c dramatic-lift demi brassiere.
(Whispers) Ohh.
He's a regular bra-fficianado.
Ask him anything.
Uh, have you ever seen one on an actual woman?
(Sighs)
This is the pro bono case I was telling you about.
Every year, "Maxim" magazine hires us
to protect their million-dollar diamond boob sling
at their annual event.
Just sounds like gobs of fun.
(Oz) Yeah? Bad cop.
Uh, yes, as I believe we covered earlier in the meeting...
(Mouths words) If we're not getting paid,
then we're not taking the job.
Oh, who cares? We're gonna have the breast time. (Chuckles)
(Laughs) "The breast time"! Oh, my God. So, so hilarious.
Bad cop.
Yeah, we still can't take the job.
(Sighs)
Yeah. Captain bummer over here, right? (Chuckles) She's...
The top rung of the ladder has spoken.
We are not going to do this job.
- You know what? Come on, Oz. - We need this! Come on, man.
No, no! No secret signals. I am not touching my nose.
I am no longer in charge.
(Beeps)
(Cell phone alerts chime)
Hmm-hmm.
Oh, I can't wait to go to this party tonight.
There's gonna be so many models there!
(Exhales deeply) I need another slice.
No, hey, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Rickey Borten's over there, and dude is a talker.
The last thing you want to get caught up in is the bortex.
But it's the lattice crust that makes this
a classic Dutch-style apple pie.
It's got nothing to do with the apples.
I mean, Dutch apples... (Chuckles) They don't exist.
It's a total fallacy.
Just let me enjoy this, please.
You should be enjoying it, because this is a really...
What's up, boys? (Sighs)
I see you're diggin' my handiwork.
- You made this? - Yep.
Wow. It's so flaky and competent.
- Why do you sound so surprised? - Because you can't cook.
You use your stove to light cigarettes.
You, missy, have broken into my car
and burgled those pies, you... you pie burglar.
- And there it is. - Slow your roll, pippa.
No one here knows what you're talking about.
I have read your file.
I know you come from thief blood.
Said the nark who ratted us out
and told Veronica about our secret code.
I am just trying to do my job,
but if you all blatantly break the rules,
then I have to let Veronica know.
Well... (Chuckles) Then I guess we won't be
so blatant about it, huh?
(Gasps) My mummy's Timex!
(Imitates British accent) Pip-pip. Cheerio.
God save the queen.
Unbelievable.
I only baked those pies as a... as a nice gesture
because you all have to work so late tonight.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Who... who's working late tonight?
Yeah, how late are we talking...
Like, dinnertime late, 5:00, 5:30 late?
Like, we can leave and go somewhere else late?
Didn't Veronica tell you?
She's booked the Indian casino job,
so we have 900 hours of security footage
to go through.
They think they might have a card counter,
and your job is to catch them posthaste.
Sorry Cruella here is bringing the hammer down.
I-I can't control her. She's a beast. (Chuckles)
But the good news is, slumber party! Yay!
Oh. No.
Sounds good. Wh...
Question, though. Could we maybe,
I don't know, do it tomorrow?
Oh, my gosh. That is such a good idea.
Let me just call Chief Running Bear
and tell him, "sorry. The white man has broken"
"yet another promise. Here.
"Let me give you this blanket riddled with smallpox.
That will make you feel better." (Laughing) Right?
(Claps hands) This guy right here...
(Molly chuckling) He's got a million of 'em.
Yes. Come on.
(Chuckles)
(Whispers) The party's tonight. Man, what are we gonna do?
I don't know. (Sighs) Call Oz?
Okay.
Time to commence secret meeting of Contra classic.
Now, as you know, we have two jobs to do
in the exact time on the exact same night,
which means only one thing.
Yes! Human cloning. We make doubles of ourselves,
and we make them do the casino job.
Why do you always go to human cloning? It's not gonna happen.
Not with that attitude.
Oz, we can't do both jobs.
We'd need a whole team of people
to get through all that casino footage.
Or one hyperfocused, eager-to-please human computer
with nothing to do on a Friday night... Molly.
We want to see booby, we gotta charm the newbie.
Hey, Molly! Hey.
That is a nice blouse.
Oh, thank you. (Chuckles) Um, I-I like your kermie.
(Inhales deeply)
Cash, take a breath. Let it go.
This ain't no sock puppet! It's Yoda!
I'm sorry. I-I don't own a telly.
Bitch is crazy.
(Sighs) Swing and a miss. All right, dimples.
Commence woo. (Sighs)
Yeah, great. Ohh.
Woo her up.
Take her to dinner, go-carting.
Fall in love. Good stuff.
What is your problem? (Chuckles)
Hey, it's like I've been singin' all day.
♪ The girl is crazy
(falsetto voice) ♪ jealous
I don't get jealous, okay? But you're crazy
if you think Molly Poppins is gonna fall for this.
I'm out.
(Sighs) Uh, wait.
Have fun at the party.
(Door slams) (Whispers) Jeez.
Whoa. What is her problem? (Hisses)
Ah, don't worry. She'll be back.
(Knock on door) See?
Hey. We heard you guys are going
to the hot lady party. We want in.
I'm a foodie. There's gonna be small plates, man.
Bacon-wrapped figs paired with wines. Need I go on?
I'm already not wearing any underwear.
The people have spoken. You're up, Cameron Mannheim.
Commence John woo.
Me? (Chuckles) Really?
Yeah. You want me?
We all think you'd be a great addition to the team.
Oh, this is so unexpected.
I mean, I was beginning to fear perhaps
you weren't fond of me.
Hey, there's the new recruit!
Got your pepper spray,
your Billy club,
and here's your 9-millimeter Bobcat... (Clank)
With laser scope.
Um, I thought we were all looking at Blackjack footage.
Well, we gotta go in. We gotta get the lay of the land,
but don't worry about it. You won't need this hand cannon,
but just in case you do, don't hit any civvies. They sue.
- Oh. - And don't forget your proton pack.
Oh. This... This looks unsafe.
No, you're fine! Just don't cross the streams.
What happens if you cross the streams?
All right, easy does it, Ernie Hudson.
All right. Well, you guys have fun.
Hit me on the walkie-talkie if you need me.
Wait! You're not coming with us?
No. I'll be hanging here, pouring through
the boring old casino footage, so... (Clicks tongue)
Someone's gotta do it.
Me!
Me. Oh.
I'll stay here... Well...
In the office, where it's safe.
You see, I-I'm just, uh, a little bit
of a... of a safety freak. (Chuckles)
- You sure? - (Bell dings) Quite.
(Chuckles) Good luck, though.
(Imitates British accent) Cheerio! (Doors close)
Well, you heard the lady. Time for work.
(Velcro rips) It's go time.
(Rips)
Ha ha! (Rips) Oh!
No one told me we were wearing our tuxes.
I'm not even gonna look down. (Bell dings)
The ice has arrived. I repeat, the ice has arrived.
♪
all right, let's blend in, try not to draw
any attention to ourselves.
Oh, my God. Open bar. Body shots!
(Indistinct conversations)
You're late. Let's get the bra backstage.
Oz, you said it could be me.
You promised! (Singsongy) No take-backsies!
Just try to act like you've been there, kid.
(Bell dings)
Whoo! I'm ready!
(Singsongy) Children, mommy's got some late-night snackies...
Just me, I'm afraid. The others have gone
on a dangerous recon mission to the casino.
I thought it would be best to stay here,
away from the proton packs
and the crossing of the streams, et cetera.
(Chuckles) (Laughs) Did you now?
Apparently, they're making headway.
Cash just called and said they've got a lead
on someone called "gozer the gozerian."
(Can hisses) Sounds like quite an unsavory fellow,
if you ask me. (Laughs) (Gulping)
(Crinkle) Ahh.
(Clatters)
Oh.
All right. Time for the real bad cop.
(Man) ♪ come and get some of my bass drum ♪ ♪ get it
♪ come and get some of my bass drum ♪
Hey, number seven on the hot list.
(High-pitched voice) Damn! (Normal voice) Number 14?
You're number one in my book.
(Whispers) Oh, damn!
Ahem. Okay. We are five away from the finale.
Let's get it on the model.
No problem.
(Gasps) Damn! Double damn!
♪
What's the matter, Cambo? You seem a little down.
No, I know. It's just...
(Clatters) Melanie should be here with us.
I don't know why she just bailed like that. Ohh.
Look around you. You're swimming in a sea of beauty.
Give me your money.
(Laughs) (Laughs)
Cam, let me introduce you to the reason we are all here.
Yeah, Abe Frohman, the app king of the Internet.
Yeah. Huge fan.
- Your coding is elegant. - Okay.
Just go easy with the geek talk. There are some chicks around.
(Chuckles) Yeah, sorry. I just... I've never met...
- (Whispers) A billionaire before. - That he whispers?
Say it louder so the girls can hear.
(Whispering) Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. We're dead! We are dead!
(Normal voice) Abe Frohman.
(Clenches teeth) Oh, my God. We are so dead.
Excuse me. We're dead!
(High-pitched voice) We're dead! (Sobs)
Tell me you did not lose the bra.
What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?
Why don't we ask Abe for a million? No.
First of all, don't panic.
A diamond bra doesn't get up and just walk away.
(Man) ♪ damn, what I gotta say to get a piece of that? ♪
♪ damn, what I gotta say to get a piece of that? ♪
♪ damn, let me see your runway walk ♪
♪ make your heels click, make the runway talk ♪
♪ come on
♪ pretty-ass women takin' pictures ♪
♪ they never come outside
(crowd cheering) Oh, my goodness.
♪ Damn, what I gotta say to get a piece of that? ♪
♪ damn, what I gotta say to get a piece of that? ♪
What is she doing up there?
♪ Damn, what I gotta say to get a piece of that? ♪
Like that, huh?
I believe she's teaching me a lesson
about who's in charge.
And... uploaded.
♪ Damn, what I gotta say to get a piece of that? ♪
Cheers.
♪ What I gotta say to get a piece of that? ♪
♪ na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na ♪
♪
Whew! Ohh. I haven't done that since spring break.
Why did I wait so long?
Well, as delicious as you looked up there,
I don't think that was really the best way
to prove your point. I had to do something
after I told you not to come here
and then you bring half the office.
Your little dance routine may have just cost us
a very, very large job.
Oh, okay. Well, the funny thing is,
I don't care about this job,
because it doesn't pay any mun-oh.
I'm not talking about this job.
(Chuckles) Hey! Dancing queen.
- Well, hello. (Singsongy) Mm. - Veronica!
This is a gentleman I'd very much like you
to meet... Oh.
Abe Frohman, Internet billionaire.
Ooh. Abe...
Mm. This is somebody I would equally like you to meet.
She's... I'm his boss.
(Chuckles) Wow. Good stuff.
That man was this close to hiring us
to securing his entire organization... (Sighs)
And you had to go and flash your rocks.
What? Oh.
- Ohh. - That was the biggest job of the year.
(Chuckles) Hmm.
Enjoy your night.
Uh...
Mm! Hi. How was recon?
Anyone want to pull the bull... (Chuckles)
Or bulls? (Chuckles)
I've had dozens of them. (Chuckles)
I feel like I've been running with the things. (Chuckles)
Ooh! (Laughs)
You were here all night?
Yeah! I've caught the culprit.
(Beeps)
(Gasps) Marco polo.
The waitress was signaling when the dealer had a bust card.
I found dozens of instances.
Well, you never cease to impress, do ya?
Thank you. Mm-hmm.
So I guess chasing gozer the gozerian was
a waste of time, eh?
Gozer the gozerian?
You mean the all-powerful demigod
from "Ghostbusters"
- that assumed the form of the stay... - Ahem. Ahem.
Not the time for fun facts, Ricky.
Uh, you did... (Chuckles)
You did go to the casino last night, correct?
We, uh... (Pats back)
Uh... OK... uh...
We... sorta... went to the pretty lady party.
It sucked, though. The parking was a nightmare.
(Chuckles) So you... you used me
for breasts.
Uh, not just any breasts.
They were professional tiggle biddies.
Right. Well...
Score one for the cool kids.
You pretended you liked me
and tricked me into feeling like part of the team.
Well done.
(Footsteps depart rapidly)
(Door opens and closes)
I'm one of the cool kids now?
(Chuckles)
Knock, knock.
Oh, hey. Just chilling out with my "Kama Sutra."
I don't know about you, but seeing people
twist themselves into unlikely sexual positions
just... (Sighs) Really relaxes me.
So you're not still angry about the little panty party, are ya?
Not about the party.
I'm upset because I have to apologize to you
for screwing everything up with that stupid app king.
Well, I did just get off the phone with said app king,
and he has hired us.
Apparently, your little dance routine
has gone viral and made him a fortune.
Oh, my God.
Please tell me my boobs look fantastic.
Your boobs look like a million bucks.
Hmm. Why am I not surprised?
Mm. Look, you know... (Sighs)
You are not the only one around here who needs to apologize.
I mean... (inhales deeply) You are the boss,
and, uh... (Whispering) I need to get used to that,
so I am sorry.
(Sighs)
Oh, my God. Are we having a mo-mo?
(Chuckles) Well, we were until you said "mo-mo."
(Chuckles)
(Molly sobbing)
Are you okay?
(Mouth full) I'm fine. Thank you.
I'm just having a snack break. (Chuckles)
I'm gonna... (Grunts)
Please don't.
(Voice breaking) I just want to be left alone.
(Grunts and sniffles) (Grunts)
I'm a mess! (Sobs) (Grunts)
(Squeals) Ohh. (Sighs)
Look, look, it's true, okay?
We used you to go to the party.
It was a... (Sighs) Stupid thing to do.
It's fine. (Chuckles)
I'm used to being treated like an outcast.
I grew up the weird homeschooled girl,
and then I was fast-tracked to university at 14,
but nobody wanted to be friends
with a pint-size swot. (Chuckles)
I thought maybe things would be better
now that I've graduated, you know... (Chuckles)
But here we are again. (Chuckles)
You know, uh... (Sighs) I didn't fit in at first either.
(Chuckles) Please. You are Mr. Cool Fist-Bump guy.
Now, but it took time.
I mean... (Sighs) If you feel like a freak,
then this office is perfect for you.
I do feel like a freak.
Come on. You know you want to.
(Free energy's "something in common" playing)
(Chuckles)
That was my first time.
You'd never know.
I'm gonna try and get outta here.
Oh. (Opens door)
Maybe just w...
- Whoa! Oh! - Ohh!
♪ Maybe
♪ we got something in common
♪ so come on
♪ we can trust
♪ there's something in common
♪ between us
♪ oh, come on
♪ we can find
♪ there's something in common
♪ between our lives
it's time you finally watch this.
It's an American classic.
Oh! Um, Bill Murray, right, from... from the art house films?
We'll get there.
I think someone's... (Singsongy) Jealous.
♪ Whoa, oh, oh
♪ all right
♪ whoa, oh, oh
♪ all right
♪ whoa, o oh
♪ whoa, oh, oh
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.Addic7ed.com/