That should be an R, not a B.
You've printed Bick Spleen. It's Rick. My name is Rick.
- That's strange. - No, it's not strange, it's wrong.
They're all wrong. 79 quid's worth. Just totally useless.
There's your order. You put B. See? Bick.
- No, it's an R. - No, it's a B.
It's clearly an R. Why would I misspell my own name?
Who ever heard of anyone called Bick?
I've never heard of anyone called Spleen, you know, so...
It's a stage name. Doesn't Rick Spleen ring any bells?
No, well, probably if you were a bit younger, then you would...
Nathan, you ever heard of anyone called Rick Spleen?
- A Rick Spleen? Nah. - Sorry, mate, it's not our fault.
- Yes, it is. - I can't refund you.
- Oh, that's ridiculous. - NATHAN: There's a Bick Spleen.
We've just done some letterheads for him.
♪ r wanna _et hi_h but r really can't take the pain... ♪
I'm not saying I mind. I just didn't expe_ all this furniture and computers...
All working.
- ...Telephones... - Brilliant. Thanks.
Me and Marty just get on with it.
- The wireless conne_ion's up. - That was quick.
- (DOORBELL RINGS) - The bike for the Granderson contract.
Izy, this can go with it.
Do you want me to do a sign and return on this?
Yeah, good idea.
I don't see why you couldn't have had the kitchen.
Me and Marty could have stayed here. I mean, we were here first.
Don't be silly. We agreed. You know Izy and I can't work in the kitchen.
- So, how come Marty and I can? - It's only for a couple of weeks.
- Let me conne_ that for you. - No, it's fine. I can do it.
- No, I don't mind. I'll do it for you. - No, please don't.
OK.
If you want to help, there's loads of boxes in Izy's car.
No, it's all right. I've got plenty to be getting on with.
- (PHONE RINGS) - Melanie Davis Associates.
I'm a_ually really busy myself at the moment.
MEL: Yeah, speaking. Certainly, put them through.
(WHISPERS) Rick.
Yeah, ready.
Yeah, no, the move's been great. You know what Izy's like.
- Only I got you a... - Thanks. But no.
It's a_ually quite therapeutic.
OK, what are we doing? You don't have a gig coming up. We have nothing to write.
Exa_ly, so let's use this time produ_ively.
This is our chance to develop some ideas.
- For TV shows? - Yes, that I can host.
We should be able to come up with a whole list. Got enough paper.
OK, so what? Er...quiz show, game show, stand-up?
Anything, so long as it's the right vehicle for me.
- How about a hearse? - (SHE LAUGHS)
Sorry. Made me laugh, I shouldn't have been... Sorry.
No, no, no, it's all right, don't apologise.
- So, you must be Izy. - And you must be Marty.
- Hi. - Hi.
So, what are you after here? Tea, coffee, Tipp-Ex?
We have got some camomile.
I think it's definitely caffeine that's called for. I'll just...
So, you're moving in next door?
Yep, there goes the neighbourhood.
So, how long are you guys gonna be here for?
_ What's it matter? - I'm curious.
I don't know, _q.
No way. She's younger then that. _2 tops.
All right, _2. If you're so certain, why ask me?
- Now, can we get on with this, please? - Sure.
Good, so...
- (DOORBELL RINGS) - Let me get that.
No, leave it. They can get it. It'll be another courier.
OK, how about...
a stand-up show but with an intera_ive element?
- You mean like heckling? - No, just an online internet thing.
Brilliant, why didn't I think of that? How does that work, exa_ly?
Well, I do a stand-up show live
and then everyone around the county can watch it at home.
Isn't that called television?
- This would be different. - (DOORBELL RINGING)
- How? - Well, because...
A_ually, I'd better go and get that cos...
- That's excellent news. - (DOORBELL RINGING)
- Mel? - Well, leave it with me.
And I'll come up with some names.
- Mel? - I know, it sounds very exciting. Yeah.
Well, I guess we can get it over to you, or ty and make some sort of meeting,
- as long as that's all right. - Oh, by the end of play today?
No, fantastic.
- Melanie Davis Associates? - Thanks.
Can you sign there?
- Sorry, is that an R? - Yes.
Looks like a B.
- ...And how would they do that? - I don't know, some sort of webcam.
- And that comes up where? - On a screen or in a studio or something.
That's the producer's decision. God, why do you have to be so negative?
- Hello. - Magda, hey!
- Oh, Magda, you're back. - Yes.
- Missed you. - Yes?
- So, how was it back home? - Rain is leaking into house.
- Mother's knee has got worse. - Oh, dear.
- But there is McDonald's now. - Ah, always a silver lining.
Magda, I thought I heard you. How are you?
Fine, and you? You working here now?
No, only for a couple of weeks. Our offices are being decorated.
- How's your sister? - Oh, Agatha's much better, thank you.
She does not want to mary this man any more.
It's probably for the best...
...since he's already got a wife.
Now Agatha has come with me to England for holiday.
- Oh, that's nice. _ She's not here, is she?
No, she's sleeping now.
- For you. - Oh, thank you.
- And you. - Oh, Magda, thank you. Ha.
And for you, Marty. Hope you like.
Magda, I love it!
- You know how to play? - No, no, but I'll soon pick it up.
- Which end do you blow into? This one? - Oh, no, you don't...
Sorry, Mel, it's HTR on the phone about the new builders.
Oh, Izy, have you met Magda?
Hi. I've heard so much about you. Did you have a good trip?
Yes.
(CLUNK)
(_LING)
Yeah, Magda...
Do you mind? We're tying to work.
Oh.
(SIGHS) Good. Now, we should concentrate.
OK.
Ideas.
(CLINK)
Yeah, Magda, you don't have to tiptoe around. That's a_ually more distra_ing.
(DOOR CLOSES)
- Hi, Dad. - All right.
- Oh, Magda, hiya. - Hi, Magda. How's it going?
- How was the trip? - Was good. Now, I buy gift.
- I hope you like. - Aw, Magda, that's wicked.
- And for Ben. - Thanks! I've never had a wallet before.
Do you mind if we do some stuff in the kitchen?
Sam, what is going on? What's in all these boxes?
Er...yeah, well, you know the money that you gave me yesterday?
Lent you. You said that was for course books.
Er...yeah, yeah, it is. Er...sort of.
Well, so what we were gonna do was maybe make some samosas
and then ty and sell them at the free festival thing,
and then with the money that we make from that, then we could buy some course books
and, er...have some money left over.
- To pay me back. - Yeah, why not?
- So, Magda, can we make samosas here? - Yes, you want me to help you?
- Yeah, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Have you got one of those food mixers?
- (MARTY STRUMS INSTRUMENT) - (CHANER)
BEN: I tell you what, you just chuck that in there.
- (CLANERING) - (CHANER)
There you go. So, you've been kicked out of the house, have you?
Not really. It's just impossible to work with Mel in the way.
Yeah, she was telling me. Expanding the office, hey?
Her career's gone from strength to strength.
- Yep, hasn't it? - How does it feel to be a kept man?
- Oh, I'm hardly a... - We should be so lucky, eh, Marty?
Anyway, I really need to...
Oh, sorry. Yes, I...I'll let you get on.
So, Marty, notice anything different?
Not the café, me.
- Is that a new shirt? - New shirt, new attitude, new Michael.
- It's all thanks to Bryony, really. - An analyst who gives fashion advice.
Yes, it's all about self-esteem, just giving yourself permission to feel valued.
- Michael, sorry, can I just...? - Oh, sorry.
Thanks.
So, what is it you're up to?
- Just working on some ideas for TV shows. - Oh, exciting.
It would be if I could finish it.
Just think, the next big hit show could be created right here.
- Let's have a look. - It's not really...
Stand-up comedy with an online intera_ive element.
That's just one of them.
- How does that work? - You'll have to ask Rick.
Stand-up with people joining in on the internet?
Not really, no. It's a bit complicated to explain.
You go on stage at the King's Head and someone boos you off in South Africa?
- Yeah? - No, nothing like that.
That's a funny line. Bet that's one of yours.
- Huh? I bet it is. - Yeah.
- I wish you wouldn't encourage him. - You didn't like his idea?
What, a comedy quiz about modern warfare? No, not very much.
- What did you get that for? - Said I'd bring something back for Izy.
Oh, did you? "Would you like a sandwich, Izy? "Can I hold the door for you, Izy?"
Just thought she might be hungry. You didn't get anything for Mel?
No, we've got a house full of samosas.
♪ Someone is waiting
♪ Someone who understands exa_ly how you feel
♪ Exa_ly how you feel
♪ Someone is dreaming
♪ Someone is hoping just that this will be the day
♪ That this will be the day
♪ That you
♪ Take your eyes o_the ground out of the b_ue
♪ And see that someone is lookin_ ri_ht back at you... ♪
I'm just saying it's like living in an office.
I'm sorry. I know it's not ideal.
I had no idea it was gonna be like this, couriers turning up evey five minutes.
It's not evey five minutes.
- I have to answer the door to them. - You don't have to.
- Me and Marty have to stop work. - Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry. What are you doing at the moment?
Well, we're coming up with some ideas.
- Right. - You know, we're developing a few things.
- And how's it going? - Well, not well because of all this.
And on top of everything else, Izy keeps distra_ing Marty.
- (LAUGHS) - What?
I'd say it was the other way round. He's all over her.
Well, maybe she could wear a few more clothes around the place.
That's her style. Oh, you sound like some crusty old judge.
No, I'm just...
Look, I'm not renting another office now
so you're just gonna have to ty and put up with it.
I'm not complaining.
In fa_, you know, if you are gonna be here for a while...
...it might be a good idea to think about getting some stationery,
you know, with this address on.
I'm just using my office stationery. The post is being redire_ed.
Oh, good, good. That's...that's sensible.
Only it might be a nice touch to...
A_ually, I think... Yeah, I think I've got some.
I've got some stationery I could let you have for, you know...
And you get some labels printed up with your name on, stick it on top of my name
and I think that would look really good.
- Hello. - Hi, Magda.
Sorry I am late. Must take Agatha to bus station.
Oh, yeah, how is she? Enjoying her holiday?
Yes, very much. She has job in bakery.
Has she? That's nice.
So, woman is coming today?
- Izy? - Hm.
Yeah, she's already here. Why?
She's wearing more clothes today, I hope?
Well, it's just her style, Magda. You sound like some sort of...
- She looks like a lap dancer. - I think that's a bit harsh.
Is true. She's dressed like a wuh-hore.
Whore, dressed like a whore. And anyway, she isn't.
In my county, women like this... are in your county.
I don't know about that, Magda. That's pretty offensive.
By the way, do you think Agatha would be interested in earning a bit of extra cash,
you know, in the evenings?
How do you mean?
It's just that I need someone to corre_ all these for me with that.
Oh, yes, she will do.
MARTY: I know, five years, and they still don't give me my own key.
(IZZY LAUGHS) Well, it's a good thing I'm here to let you in.
- Hey, Magda. How are you today? - I'm very well.
- What's the matter with her? - Well, it's Izy.
- I don't think Magda is her biggest fan. - Oh, right.
- You want coffee? - Yeah.
Talking of Izy, I don't know how quite to say this.
It's been noticed.
- What has? - You and Izy.
To be honest, it's a bit embarrassing, the way you're hanging around her.
- So, I shouldn't talk to her? - Not when we're supposed to be working.
- (DOORBELL RINGS) - Oh, here we go.
No, I'll go.
In case I see Izy in the hallway and start making out with her?
- That's obviously what's on your mind. - Yeah, right.
Hello, Rick, sorry to bother you. Have you got a moment?
- I'm a bit rushed, to be honest. - It's quite important.
- Right. - I'll come straight to the point.
I'm a bit concerned that you might be running some sort of a business from here.
No, no, don't think so.
- I work from here. Other than that... - No, no, no, I don't count that.
What I'm talking about is motorcycles coming and going at all hours of the day,
extra cars parked outside.
Look, I'm...I'm not wishing to pry, but what on earth are you up to in there?
Nothing. I'm not up to anything.
How can you account for all this increase in a_ivity?
I don't know. I've been sent a lot of scripts recently.
Is it some sort of catering business?
My mother's been complaining about strange smells wafting over,
- like somebody's cooking. - No, I don't think...
Is it foreign food? I mean, she's 8_.
Look, I'm sorry. I really don't know what you're talking about.
I can assure you nobody is running a business from this house.
(CLANERING)
Hiya.
BOTH: Ooh.
Oh. Got it, yeah.
Ooh. Just doing up another batch.
Just a bit of shopping.
(SIGHS)
- Is everything OK, Dad? - Yeah, fine, fine.
I'm just gonna have a word with Melanie Davis Associates.
MEL: Sounds like a good opportunity. They're putting a lot of money into it.
They obviously think they've got a hit show on their hands.
- IZZY: She's a great producer. - MEL: She does all the best panel shows.
IZZY: And they've commissioned a series? MEL: Yeah.
MEL: I've got a good feeling about this one.
- Morning, gents. With you in a sec. - No rush.
OK, what is this? If this is to keep me away from Izy...
No, that's fine. No, do what you want with Izy.
- I couldn't talk back at the house. - Why? What is this?
I heard Mel and Izy discussing a brand-new panel show.
Mel is putting one of her clients up for it, team captain.
- So what? - This is the idea we've been looking for.
_ Someone else's idea? - Yes, it's perfe_.
This is the show I should be doing.
- But you're not. - Not yet.
But if I can find out enough about it, I can get in there and put myself up for it.
- I already know who the producer is. - Who is it?
Well, I don't know her name as such, but I found out she's a woman.
- Oh, that narrows it down(!) - We need to find out a few more details.
- We? I don't like the sound of this. - All you have to do is take Izy out.
Oh, that's why you changed your tune.
Go for a few drinks, get her in the right mood.
And then start up a conversation about panel shows? I don't think so.
Oh, fine, I'll find out for myself.
Good.
What's this?
- Ideas for you. - oh.
I was thinking about your intera_ive stand-up thing
and I thought, "We must be able to do better than that "
and then suddenly in the middle of the night, pow!
They just started coming at me like flies.
The history of metal dete_ing?
- Yes, fascinating story. - I'm sure it is.
- Do you like this one? - from Analysts To Panellists.
Yeah, a quiz show about therapy, could be hilarious.
0_ how about Keep On Truckin_?
Bunch of lory drivers drive round a circuit until they run out of petrol.
- Wouldn't it be diesel? - Good point. Better make a note of that.
Yeah, the thing is, Michael, we don't need any more ideas.
I've a_ually sort of come up with the perfe_ show for me.
That's right.
- Oh, I see. - Yeah.
- May I ask what it is? - I can't tell you yet.
I've still got one or two... details to iron out.
Could we have two coffees anyway?
- So, you don't want these, then? - Not particularly.
- Maybe I'll just leave them... - I wouldn't bother, to be honest.
OK.
- Like the shirt, though. - Thank you.
Erm...are you gonna sit there for long with just the coffees?
Only, to be fair, you are taking up a table that others might want.
(DOOR CREAKING)
- (DOOR CREAKS) - What are you doing?
- I couldn't sleep. - oh.
Just couldn't sleep.
- So, why did you come down here? - Oh, I was looking for a book to read.
Thought I'd give this a go. Heard it's good.
Marty.
What?
It's Siobhan Ryder.
- She's a good producer. - She's bloody brilliant.
I've got her mobile phone number.
Nice work. If only you knew who Mel was putting up for it.
Exa_ly, then I could put her off him.
Too bad I didn't ask Izy out for a drink last night and find out his name.
That is why I said...
- You did? - Maybe.
- Come on, Marty, you know who it is? - Yes, I do.
- Brilliant. - But maybe I don't want to tell you.
Because I don't think you should use that information to sabotage the guy's chances.
- Oh, for God's sake. - Lucky for you the guy's an asshole.
So, I don't care if you do screw him over.
- It's Rob McKinnon. - Oh. I might have guessed.
- Your old pal. - Rob smug bastard McKinnon.
Not that you're one to hold a grudge for...what is it, five years?
It was his job to introduce me at the Empire.
All he had to do was remember my name.
All you had to do was remember your a_.
So, I lost my way a bit.
Hardly surprising, with an introdu_ion like that.
Very unprofessional, putting me off my stride.
- Come on, let's go. _ Where are we going?
We've got work to do.
- I don't want to get involved. - I'm not asking you to get involved.
I'm handling it. All you need to do is stay here and look after the bike.
- Have you got any change? - Oh, man, you're pathetic.
It doesn't matter who I am.
Think of me as a friend. I'm not naming names.
All you need to know is your new team captain might have a few hidden secrets.
(SOUNDTRACK DROWNS SPEECH)
Yeah. Good, that should do it.
- So, what did you tell her? - Enough.
What did you tell her?
Let's just say I don't think he'll be getting the job
or working with animals for quite some time.
Even for you, that's low.
Hm!
(SOUNDTRACK DROWNS SPEECH)
- Hiya. Er, you all right, Dad? - Yeah, yeah, fine.
So, what you up to?
- Er...heating up the samosas. - Yeah, thought I might as well.
- I thought the festival was next weekend. - Yeah. There's a bit of a problem.
- Yeah, it's all gone a bit stupid. - Yeah.
They're saying we need some kind of license.
- Yeah, health and safety. - Yeah.
- And we need to fill out a form. - What?
Kept banging on about food poisoning.
- You've been pretty careful. - I know.
- Most of that mince was defrosted. - Exa_ly.
Anyway, we're just gonna give them away.
Yeah, we're thinking about maybe to the homeless.
That's a nice idea. I'm sure they'll really enjoy them.
- Yeah, yeah. Do you want one? - Er...no, thanks.
So, yeah, Dad, about the, er...money.
I mean, I suppose we could charge them and then...
- Think of it as a donation. - Cool, great, thanks.
- Oh, so, I go now. - Oh, right. Bye, Magda.
Agatha has done paper for you.
Oh, she's done them. That's great. Thanks. Oh, good.
Hm. Yeah.
- Ah, yes. Yeah, I, erm... What was it? - 20.
- Oh, 20, was it? - Thank you. I will give.
- Goodbye. - Bye. Oh, do you want some samosas?
No, thank you. Perhaps Izy would like.
- And Agatha have run out of white bottle. - Oh, corre_ion fluid?
Yes, so she has finished rest with pen. I hope it's OK. Bye.
What?
Oh, bloody hell!
Has Sam gone?
Yep, she's off with Ben, handing out samosas to the homeless.
Aw, that's sweet.
Bit unfair, though, targeting people who don't own a toilet.
A_ually, that's... Nah, it's fine, help yourself.
- Do you want some? - No, thanks.
- I prefer my teeth with enamel on. - Hm.
Is everything OK?
Ah. Just had a bit of a crap day.
Oh. Really? So...
- what's happened? - It doesn't matter.
I had something really good lined up and now it looks like
- it's not gonna happen any more. - oh.
- Sorry to hear that. - I just don't know what went wrong.
I was that close to doing the deal and the producer suddenly got cold feet.
Why?
She wouldn't say. Just said it was all a bit embarrassing
and now they're looking for someone else.
Oh.
Sure you don't want some?
A_ually, yeah. I mean, you know, seeing as we've run out of Tipp-Ex.
Look. That's what she did.
- They're completely useless now. - kg.
- She did it with biro. - (LAUGHS)
- What's so funny? - oh.
I was just wondering, do you think she used a Bic?
(LAUGHS)
That's a_ually a good gag.
- Maybe I should sack Marty. - Oh...
I'm sorry about your show.
It's a shame thingy didn't get the job.
What do you mean, thingy?
Rob McKinnon.
I know because Izy told Marty and Marty told me.
Yes, because I told her to tell him that, but it wasn't him.
Anyway, doesn't matter now.
Yes, it does.
- Who was it, then? - Not telling you.
- I want to know. - No, you don't.
Come on, who did you put up for the job?
All right.
It was you.
Me?
- But you're not my agent. - I know.
But none of my clients were right for it
and I thought you would be absolutely perfe_,
and so did Siobhan until suddenly today, she just changes her mind.
- Why didn't you tell me? - I wanted it to be a nice surprise.
And I thought if you knew about it, somehow you'd manage to screw it up.
Where you going?
- Hm? - I feel sick.
♪ r wanna _et hi_h but r really can't take the pain... ♪
(DOORBELL RINGS)
All right.
Hello, Rick.
- Sorry, have you got a moment? - Not really.
Yesterday evening your daughter and her, er...companion
were going door to door.
They tried to sell my mother some Indian food.
- So, why on earth did you tell me...? - Oh, go away.
(DOORBELL RINGS)