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You're not counting for me.
Yeah. All right, start over.
I feel like you're imagining what it would be like with me.
I thought we were past that juncture.
Yeah, we have. It's just, you're so sweaty.
And it's the salt. I crave salt.
If I let you lick me one little time...
...do you promise to behave?
- Yes. - Okay.
Well, I get especially moist here.
Oh.
Hello, Richard. You're here.
Hello, dust mite.
- Would you like me to perspire for you? - That's okay.
There is a man in the office. He says it's important.
- Well, now? - I think he mentioned that he was...
...your father.
My...
Bugger. Fell off.
Dad?
Son!
Hi.
- Hi, Dad, how's Mom? - She's fine.
Listen, I'm in a little bit of a jam. I'm...
- Well, I've been sued. - You? Sued?
Bygones. My lawyer thought he could handle it.
The trial's tomorrow. Now he says settle for more than I can afford.
It's right in your firm's wheelhouse, so here I am.
- What have you been sued for? - Sexual harassment.
I fell for my secretary, so I fired her. Now she's suing. Bygones.
Can you help me? It seems so unconstitutional.
Pursuit of happiness. Res Ipsa.
It's all right there.
[STAMMERS]
I've been down this road
Reality Bites
Walking the line That's painted by pride
And I have made mistakes in my life That I just can 't hide
Oh, I believe I am ready For what love has to bring
I got myself together Now I'm ready to sing
I've been searching my soul tonight I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine the light To find my way back home
Baby
Okay, bye.
She's running a fever of 102. I think I'm...
...just gonna have to stay home with her.
- How are you doing? - I'm okay.
I mean, you know, about Victor.
That was for the best, but thank you very much for prying.
I wasn't just prying, Ally. I do care about you.
- I know. - Okay.
Is there anything else you need?
No. No, thank you. I think I have everything.
Okay.
Is there something maybe you need?
Well, I know this is gonna sound really stupid, but...
...they're doing a revival of A Chorus Line here.
There's an open tryout. I was thinking, I'll never get it...
...but if you didn't mind, I would like to go to the tryout.
I'd miss today and a few days...
...if called back, which I never would, of course, but...
...is it okay?
It's something you really wanna do.
- It is. - Well, yeah. It's okay.
Thank you.
I mean, I'll never get it, of course, but...
Thank you.
- The reason you gave was you loved her? - Yes. A bit of soot.
- Twenty-nine. Spinner. - Dad.
- This little thing is nasty hot. - Dad, now, with your secretary...
...did you ever...? - No.
Other than a few wattle swipes, I was professional.
I was afraid I might lose myself because she's just so...
I fired her. I didn't wanna do anything I'd regret.
You can't fire a woman because you love her.
What am I gonna do? She wants $300,000.
She's suing me personally.
Plus your mother. If she found out...
...you know her.
Can you let me and Fishy discuss this a minute?
- Sure. Fishy? - Bygones.
- I'll hold. - Is that thing attached to your head?
There's nothing attached to your head? Call Jacobs back.
Tell Walters that I died, and I'll talk to Mathers.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
What are you doing?
It doesn't concern you, Nelle.
This is a law firm. When it begins to sound like a disco, I get concerned.
- I'm trying out for A Chorus Line. - What chorus line?
The A Chorus Line. They're doing a revival.
There's an open audition.
What?
When are you gonna give up this nonsense?
Look, I didn't ask for your input.
I've cleared this with Ally, who is a partner.
You'll also remember that you're not.
Keep the music down.
He's got no defense. A jury might smack him for over 300.
You're not focusing, Richard.
- On what? - Jurors are people.
In the end, they don't always follow the law. They follow this:
- Your breast. - Their hearts.
Look at me, Fishy.
Look into my eyes.
Do you know why God gave me big eyes, Fishy?
The better to see me.
My eyes are like windows. The jury will see into my heart...
...my pure-as-the-driven-snow soul, and they'll follow me.
- That's why your father has a chance. - Do I?
Look into my windows.
Do you see it?
- You and me? - No.
- Reach in my bulkhead, you'll feel it. - That was vulgar.
As I go defend your dad, you don't want me being vulgar?
- Do you? - No.
You look like a little, itty-bitty boy.
So cute. It's so hard to say no.
Here.
Have your thumb...
...little, itty-bitty boy.
Stepping out with my baby
Can 't go wrong, 'Cause I'm in right
It's for sure Not for maybe
Never felt quite so sunny
And I'll keep on knocking wood
You'll each be given a number.
When your number's called, go on-stage, and the conductor starts.
We've got a lot of people here.
If the director says thanks, you're done.
Just exit, and callbacks will be posted outside the theater.
Thank you all very much for coming, and good luck to each of you.
- Claire? What are you doing here? - Elaine, hello.
- What are you doing? - I've come for my brush with stardom.
You see, I thought before I go, it would be nice to come out of my shell.
The truth is, you've helped me. You inspired me.
Twenty-seven. Sheet music. Thank you. Twenty-eight. Thank you.
Well, if it can't be me, I hope it's you.
It's a career, executive secretary, and I took mine very seriously.
What started to go wrong?
Well, at first, he would just sort of smell me, comment on my perfume.
Then he started touching me, mainly on the throat, and he hovered so.
I confronted him, and he told me he'd fallen in love with me.
- Then he fired me. - That was his reason for firing you?
Yes.
The funny thing is, at age 15 on, we learn the things that attract men.
I bet you've attracted your share. You are quite beautiful.
That doesn't mean I should lose my job.
Are you married?
- No. I hope to be someday. - How many times?
Well, once.
Odds on that. Statistically, most marriages fail.
I'm sure you know that.
They fail since they're fragile. People don't treat them as such.
Marriages, relationships, they should be handled with care. Agree?
Does counsel have a relevant question?
When you do get married, do you think you'd be okay with your husband...
...working side by side, every day with another woman...
...who he happens to be in love with? A beautiful woman, at that.
- I don't think she should be punished... - That's not my question.
My question was, would you want your husband...
...working alongside a beautiful woman that he was falling in love with?
- Of course not. - lf he treated marriage with respect...
...with care, might it be a good idea to have this woman work elsewhere?
But if she didn't do anything wrong, I don't think...
Given the choice of pleasing his secretary or his wife...
...who should a husband choose?
That's all I have.
There's a very angry woman in back. Do we know her?
- Excellent. That would be my mother. - Oh, no.
Look, nothing happened.
You fell in love with your secretary.
That's why I fired her. Love without sex is empty.
Senior Fishism.
- Why didn't you tell me about this? - I knew it would upset you.
Oh.
- Give them privacy. - Not a good idea.
I'm in court because of fidelity to you.
You're in court because you fell for your secretary!
Dad? We're due in court.
I'll get him.
So how's it going?
"How's it going?"
Nothing happened between them.
And given his track record, what's the big deal here?
I'll tell you the big deal.
The big deal is, it was difficult to stay with him during all his affairs.
It was undignified for me to stay, and I did so for you.
I could cling to that I was the one he loved...
...no matter what the hell...
I was the one he loved.
That was my claim.
What do I stake my claim on today, Richard?
Dance: 10 Looks: 3 And I'm still on unemployment
- That ain 't it, kid - That ain 't it, kid
Dance: 10 Looks: 3
Left the theater and called the doctor For my appointment to buy
Tits and ass
Bought myself a fancy pair
Tightened up the derrière
Did the nose with it All that goes with it
Tits and ass
Suddenly I'm getting national tours
[GLASS SHATTERS, CAT HOWLS, CAR CRASHES]
I certainly didn't want to be disloyal to my wife.
So as I found myself having feelings, I thought I better take preventative steps.
So to paraphrase your testimony...
...firing Ms. Stewart was an act of love...
...an incredible gesture of love and commitment to your wife.
Excuse me. That paraphrasing was a little liberal.
I apologize.
Mr. Fish, let's be fair. This was your problem...
...not Molly Stewart's.
You were struggling. Why shouldn't you be the one to change jobs?
Why shouldn't you go elsewhere?
Is there a reason Molly Stewart had to leave?
- Well, it's my company. - Oh!
Well, now it makes perfect sense. Say it with me: Duh!
- Objection. LIZA: Your Honor...
...I'd like to do something unorthodox.
I'd like to call co-counsel as my next witness.
- I beg your pardon? - Well, this is the defendant's son.
And I think it's possible genetics could be a factor.
Genetics? How?
Well, that's why I want to call the son. So I can show you.
It'll just take a sec.
- I'm sorry. - Hello.
- Do I know you? - Well, I auditioned earlier.
Yes. "Dance: 10. Looks: 3." You were very good.
Thank you. Bye.
Excuse me?
You really were good.
I'm sorry, your name?
- Elaine. Elaine Vassal. - Elaine. Yeah.
You had no résumé, no experience. That's why you didn't make the cut.
- You need experience to get experience. - We have a short rehearsal...
This was an open audition. You saw what I can do.
Isn't that the point? Otherwise, people could fax in tryouts.
- Are you a lawyer? - No, but I work for one.
- I don't have time to talk. - Fine.
But if you'd like to get dinner?
LIZA: This is going to be a bit difficult...
...because I might have to ask you to reveal some private thoughts.
You heard your father talk about how he struggled with lust.
- Has that ever happened to you? - Well, sometimes.
You told me a former girlfriend of yours said you were governed by...
What was it?
My dumbstick. Oh.
Specifically, the way your father started to...
...obsess over a coworker he worked closely with...
...where it got to the point he had to do something. To be close to her...
...and not fall in love became impossible.
- Has that happened to you? - Yes.
- Recently? - Yes.
Now, I know you're not married, but if you were, however happily...
...can you see yourself working side by side with me...
...sometimes late at night and still...
...staying faithful to your wife?
No.
- I'd have to go, wouldn't I? - Yeah.
I can see you're struggling. Would you like to take a break...
...so you can go off somewhere and reach into your bulkhead?
Well, yes.
That was embarrassing.
I'm trying to show genetic predisposition.
- We're likely to be obsessed? - We paint your father as a victim.
- Otherwise... - You didn't have to refer to my bulkhead.
- Look, we are trying to win a case. - Dad?
I thought you were going home.
What's wrong?
She filed for divorce.
- What? - Your mother.
She's leaving me.
- You're blaming me? - Yes.
That little seduction thing in court, my mother watched that.
Yes, I'm blaming you.
We're in there trying to win a lawsuit. I can't worry about...
Well, I'm worried about it. They're my parents.
I'm sorry.
They're 60 years old. Are they gonna die alone?
No. No.
Listen. Why don't you go talk to your mother?
She's obviously acting on a lot of hurt right now.
- Do you talk to your parents, Richard? - I...
Because if you'd like, I'll speak with her.
No, I'll talk to her.
[ELAINE LAUGHS]
- You never danced professionally? - No.
- You never studied? - In high school, but...
...mostly I just love to do it.
Every day after school in my room, I'd put on the music, and off I'd go.
- So at 30? Thirty what? - Thirty's good.
At 30, you try out for a professional tour...
...of one of the greatest dance musicals?
- Yes. - And with high expectations.
You don't understand. I may not have actual experience, but...
...I've danced every day, with a dream that's been on hold.
Why not move to New York?
- I've been thinking about that. - Thinking of it? You're 30.
If you're gonna walk this plank, it better be soon.
It was today, Miles.
I walked it today.
And I think I earned a callback.
I have put up with a lot through the years.
I don't need to tell you.
Your father has a capacity for boorish behavior.
His womanizing, his...
When you said "dumbstick" today...
Your father has been ruled by that part of his anatomy.
You were named after it.
- Glad to know that. - Like I said, I always endured...
...because he could never love another woman.
But people lust all the time. It's whether they act or...
Are you gonna live alone? What kind of a life is that?
Why don't you tell me, dear?
You've never been married, lived with anyone, had a true partner.
You tell me. What kind of life is alone?
I don't recommend it, Mom.
You know what? You are just like him, and you know you are.
That little Liza thing. You're in love with her, why?
Well, she's nasty...
...good, fun...
She's smart and compassionate. I go for givers.
You have some sexual craving.
When I look at you, my heart breaks because I know you'll always be alone.
You are incapable of truly loving another, and...
...that's my failing. - I will love somebody.
Who? Ling, Liza, Whipper?
Look at your pattern, Richard. You're a chip off the old block.
- Ow! Hey! - What?
- See me? - Am I the only person with eyes?
- You're blitzing like a linebacker. - Leave me alone.
Why are you such a bitch?
What is wrong with you?
- What did you say? - Why is it always me?
Because it is!
- Are you dying? - No, I'm not.
- What's going on? - I went out with the director.
- Director? - Of the musical I tried out for.
I went to his hotel, and I slept with him.
- Sleep with him to get a callback? - No.
I really liked him.
So you're feeling stupid?
I'm feeling like a loser.
You know something? At my audition, I didn't go all out.
I picked a safe tits-and-ass song. I didn't dance, not like I can.
- Why? - I don't know.
Probably so I'd have this excuse after not making it.
What's this director's name?
Why?
I'd just like to know.
- She hired a lawyer? - No, she doesn't know I'm here.
- Why are you here? - Are you gonna call her?
I don't know. Why?
I know what men think of women they sleep with on a first date.
You don't know me and shouldn't presume to know what I think.
Elaine and I had a nice time. You know how it ended.
No, I'm not here to fight.
I'm sorry. I realize I've already asked you twice, but why are you here?
She's an extraordinary woman with extraordinary hopes, and...
...if you're not gonna call her again or even if you are...
...could you at least call her back to...? No. I...
You haven't seen her dance the way she can.
I'm uncomfortable bringing her in because of a relationship.
I understand. Maybe you could take my word for it and invite her back.
She really is very talented.
Please?
What did she say?
It doesn't look good. So you're working on the closing?
Yeah.
Well, let's at least bail him out of this lawsuit if we can.
That's what I'm trying to do.
That's yours.
Richard?
- Do your parents love each other? - Yeah.
They love each other a lot. I mean, why else...?
Well, why do you ask?
I was just curious.
Look, can we get your mother in the room for closing?
It's important the jury think she supports him.
Right. Okay. So I'll see you there?
- Can I speak with you, please? - Why?
- What did you do? - Nothing.
I got a call from Miles to say I could try out.
He went on to say I had a good friend in you. What did you do?
I asked him to call you back because...
- Forget it! - Elaine!
I don't need your charity and his pity.
I suggested he hadn't seen you dance to your potential...
...and he could at least give you that chance.
That's hardly charity, and it certainly isn't pity.
It doesn't matter one way or the other.
- Then why did you go? - Because it matters to you.
Chances, despite what our parents tell us, don't come in unlimited supply.
Look, Elaine...
...I'm jealous of you.
The way you have dance, something to believe in.
I have no passion in my life.
I don't mean a man. I mean something...
You say this isn't something you expected to get...
...but you needed to know that you went for it.
So do that, Elaine. Go back to that theater and go for it.
And this time...
Really dance.
Nothing's in dispute here.
The defendant admitted the discharge was predicated solely...
...on his feelings for the plaintiff.
That's unlawful termination, ladies and gentlemen.
And as illegal as it is, it's also unfair.
This woman performed her job well. Her behavior was beyond reproach.
She was fired because her boss became attracted to her.
Never mind the law, people.
Go back to that room and do the moral thing.
For once, let's do the moral thing.
We're here today in part...
...because Mr. Fish became attracted to the plaintiff.
But mainly we're here because this man is profoundly in love with his wife.
We are here because my client didn't want to jeopardize that love.
Now, personally, I've never been a wife.
And maybe Mr. Fishy Sr. has been an imperfect spouse.
Who knows? But what I do know is that when I get married...
...and I very much plan to...
...I want a partner who will put that marriage first.
Was this discharge legal? Well, that's your call.
Fair? I'm sure from where the plaintiff sits, not at all.
But moral? When you love somebody deeply...
...being loyal to that love is the most moral thing you can do.
Charles Fish couldn't leave the company. He owns it.
There's no place to transfer the plaintiff in the company. It's small.
His choice, his only choice was to either continue working side by side...
...with a woman he developed feelings for or to prioritize his marriage.
If you knew the power of the love he has for his wife...
...you'd know that there was really no choice at all.
Forty years of marriage, and she still means everything to him.
Maybe what he did was technically wrongful under the law.
But here sits...
...a very, very moral man.
Give me somebody to dance for
Give me somebody to show
Let me wake up in the morning to find
To have something that I can believe in
Use me Choose me
God, I'm a dancer A dancer dances
Give me somebody to dance with
Help me return To the world of the living
By showing me how to begin
Play me the music
Give me a chance to come through
All I ever needed was the music And the mirror
And the chance to dance for you
Give me the job, And you instantly get me involved
If you give me the job, The rest of the crap will get solved
You would think that by now I'm allowed
I'll do you proud
Play me the music Play me the music
Give me a chance to come through
All I ever needed was the music
And the mirror And the chance
To dance
[CHEERING]
- Has the jury reached a verdict? - We have.
- What say you? - In Stewart v. Charles Fish...
...we favor the plaintiff and order the defendant to pay damages...
...in the amount of $68,000.
- Ladies and gentlemen... - A year's severance pay.
That's not so bad.
Compared to what could have happened, I'm thrilled. Thank you, Liza.
From now on, first rule of management: Hire ugly assistants.
- Fishism. - Got it. Now, my divorce?
Do I need a divorce lawyer?
I was moved by her closing, not by anything you said.
- Why do I have to hear it from her? - Ellen...
...everything I've learned about expressing feelings...
...I've learned from Richard. Bygones.
But if it's expression you want, how's about us getting married?
- Excuse me? - Renew our vows.
- Would you be best man, son? - She hasn't said yes yet.
Honey? Would you marry me? Again?
Why do I always forgive you?
Because you love me...
...as much as I love you?
I didn't get it.
Turns out they already cast that part, but I was good enough.
And you went for it. You'll always have that.
- I was there. - You were?
- And you were amazing. - Thank you.
You know, maybe you didn't get it this time, but the day is coming.
I can't believe it...
...but I really owe you.
Owe me? For what?
That closing was to bring them together as much as it was to win.
- Well, win, win. - Win, win, win, actually.
What's the third?
- The third will have you hailing a cab. - I don't follow.
My mother accused me of something that I...
Well...
This little fixation of mine on you, Liza...
...it isn't just sexual.
You probably don't want to hear this, but...
...I'm falling in love with you.
You see, I have started to see inside those windows of yours and...
Taxi!
Get in.
OLD LADY: You stinker!
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