And a side of hot wings.
Oh, and dipping sauce, marinara.
Tell your driver to enter the south gate.
There he'll give the guard the following code:
Alpha 3, Bravo 9-1-7 Delta, 8 Foxtrot November Delta,
dash Pizza.
Then he should proceed slowly... I emphasize slowly...
to steel barricade C.
There he will get out of the car, lie spread-eagle on the ground
with a valid passport in his left hand.
Because they'll shoot him if it's in his right.
The barricade will open, he will be searched,
then he should proceed to the elevator.
There I will meet him, take possession of the pizza
and provide a suitable tip.
- Here. Here. - Oh.
And do you have wedges?
No.
Cancel that. Thank you for your time.
[♪]
InSecurity SO2EO8 Agent Ex
Sync and corrected by Kiasuseven www.addic7ed.com
[♪]
We've just gotten intel on violent threats
against TundraCore Oil.
Have you heard of the group, Action Peace Now?
That eco-group that vandalized all those air conditioners.
Yeah, then melted the ice at Ice Capades,
or just Capades, I guess.
It seems they're upping the ante under their new leader.
- Oh, wow. - Do you know him?
Because I noticed you graduated from Ottawa U the same year.
I know Kal Benjamin. We kinda dated.
- Whoa, jackpot. - You could reconnect.
No. That would not be a good idea.
It ended badly.
How badly? Tears badly?
Take-me-back-letters- written-in-crayon badly?
I dumped him. Well, I destroyed him.
He would not want to see me again.
But it's good to see he's got his life back together,
I just heard a notch in the Cranston dumpstick is under investigation.
I don't remember this guy from your vetting.
Oh, it was a really long time ago. We weren't even officially dating.
Mm. My relationships never ended well.
Mother would always have to phone the girl,
explain why she wasn't McNeil material.
Sounds healthy.
What about you? How did you drop the boom?
Um, I don't really wanna get into it.
I kinda need to know for the case, plus everyone's asking.
Everything was going fine
and then one day I guess I had a change of heart.
Based on?
It's hard to say. I never really gave him a reason.
At least mother always listed the girls' flaws.
Not me. I just left Kal waiting all night at a dessert place.
The old cake dump.
Things are never more real than when they're written in icing.
There was no cake. But there was a sundae,
which the manager brought Kal, out of pity.
It took him an hour to eat that sundae.
[nervous laugh]
Yeah, he was so worried that he was gonna swallow
the engagement ring that was hidden in the ice cream.
There was no ring.
There was just a soupy puddle of utter black nothingness.
And he cried and he cried,
the mascara running down his face.
- The guy wore makeup? - No. That was me.
[crying] He broke up with me and he never told me why.
Please don't tell anyone.
No. No, of course not.
You know you can let it out, right?
These shoulders aren't just for looking at.
[tapping on keyboard, gunfire sounds]
Take that. And that.
And a bit of these, my friends.
Hah. Hah. In your face!
[gunfire sound stops]
Burnin' the midnight oil?
[exhales] Mountain of work.
Yeah. Well, you're a true inspiration.
COMPUTER VOICE: Congratulations, warrior.
The blood money has been paid. [mutes speaker]
I never pegged you for a gamer.
Oh, I'm not. It's for my nephew.
I'm just making sure it's appropriate for a 13-year-old,
- you know, testing it. - At work?
I was testing it at home,
but Helene said I can't test it there anymore.
Oh, I just advanced to the next level.
Good for you.
- Helene didn't think I could. - Okay, right.
Well, I've got some actual paperwork to do,
so I'll, uh, see ya.
See you, Burt.
COMPUTER VOICE: You're careening towards the Ligerian Jungle.
Prepare yourself for one of the bloodiest conflicts in modern history,
the Ligerian Civil War.
CLAUDE: Ligeria. Okay, bring on the noise.
[rapid keyboard tapping, Claude imitating gunfire]
COMPUTER: Player one terminated.
Hey, N'udu.
The other day I was thinking to myself,
"I work with this great guy from Ligeria and yet
I know nothing about this fascinating country of his. "
Oo. Obviously you missed the tourism campaign,
"Enjoy the sand. "
Oh, beaches.
No. It's a landlocked country,
completely untouched by natural resources.
Hey, what else can I tell you?
Why don't we start with, uh, the typical layout of a village.
Well, um, I grew up in Bunmatu and it was surrounded by cliffs.
In the evening, with the warm smell of the jacaranda trees...
Ah, what about the buildings in town?
- Which one would be the most, um... - Majestic?
- ... fortified? - Fortified?
You know, to withstand, say, rocket attacks.
Oh. Um, eh... the church bell tower.
- Uh-huh. - It's not fortified,
but as the religious centre for the community,
- Mm-hmm? - it was impervious to attack.
Interesting.
Also, the church often doubles as the village medical centre.
- Huh. - Yes.
Hey.
I want you to take the lead on the Kal Benjamin case.
Okay?
We need to find out if Action Peace Now
is getting more radical, so I want you to approach Kal.
- Get to know him as well as you can. - Done.
I know this might be difficult, knowing that we used to date.
It doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you.
Good. Because it doesn't bother me at all.
I barely remember the guy.
- How long did you date? - Twenty-seven months,
but it was totally casual.
Any weaknesses I should know about?
[sighs] Just don't go swimming in those deep brown eyes.
What?
Uh, I sorta recall he had nice eyes. And he's very charming.
He must have been, because I was pretty in-demand.
Don't worry. My heart is a fortress.
That's my girl, tough as a nut.
Now I know you're probably feeling guilty
for breaking his heart, so I'll go easy on him.
[moaning]
Oh, okay. I guess her version of going easy on him
is different than mine.
Don't worry, she has a safe word.
I hope it's not moaning.
{ Advertisement }
You know you've seen a great documentary
when you're still angry about it five hours later.
I loved it when he started spitting out facts to the Taco Mart CEO.
I thought he was gonna choke on his burrito.
Oh, before I forget.
- I got you something. - What is it?
David Suzuki's Tree: A Life Story.
It's autographed and the wrapping paper was made
at a women's shelter with recycled fabrics.
That's like two gifts. That is so cool.
You are so cool.
[moaning]
Oh, boy.
- She is... very good at her job. - Yeah.
It looks like most of the intel she's after is in his mouth.
Bring lots of tomatoes.
We'll teach those dirty cop pigs a lesson,
and make bruschetta with the rest.
Okay, well, I'll see you at the rally.
Just getting into character.
So, you really got to know Kal quickly.
Beginners luck.
How's the intel coming? Do you need more lip balm?
Seduction is part of the game.
You never told me how passionate he was.
Well, it can get tiresome after a while, you know?
Oh, well, he's smart too.
I totally agree with him about the boreal forests.
Cool. So the intel?
Kal mentioned a radical element within the group.
They want to send a message to Big Oil in the next few weeks,
but they haven't mentioned specific targets.
I can't believe Kal would condone violence.
He faints at the sight of blood, or the "b word" as he made me call it.
I agree. Kalbear's not really the type.
I mean Kal Benjamin, the mark.
[imitating gunfire]
Boom!
Hah, hey, hey, boyos.
Claude, what's this?
Oh, I recognize this landscape. That's...
[explosion]
I played hopscotch there.
Ah, it's... it's disgusting, is what it is.
I went to the library to get what I thought was a DVD
all about the Ligerian Harvest Festival...
But these men have guns. This is a massacre.
I know. Turns out it's some kind of sick videogame.
- We should destroy this. - Oh, no, no. No, no.
Just... just return it.
Okay, N'udu, I'll go throw it in the river on my way home.
Or better yet, we should snap it in two,
so there's no chance of anyone making the same mistake you did.
It's dangerous. You could cut yourself at the...
[snap]
There.
[sighs]
So, uh, how's it goin' with this mark person?
Kal? Fine.
It must be awful havin' to kiss some random guy for the job, eh?
Gross.
He's not really some random guy.
I've spent a lot of time with him for the case.
Do you worry you might be goin' in too deep?
That would be my biggest concern with a job like this is,
you know, developing attachments.
Well, that's the difference between you and me.
Well, either way, attachment or no attachment,
it is all cool in the pool.
Hm.
You came on way too strong.
You flashed your leg when you should have shown your ankle.
I don't know what you're talkin' about.
Play dumb all you want, but I can tell you've got it bad for JoJo.
And that's tough when she's workin' this other guy.
I saw the surveillance tapes and she is workin' him hard.
Look, she'll be down to clown if you just chill it out.
Don't act interested. Kiss of death.
Hey, listen.
You've been so interested in Ligerian life lately,
- I got you a gift. - Huh?
I ordered it specially from my sister and it just arrived.
- Oh, N'udu. - I knew you'd appreciate it.
Yeah.
- Ah, this is beautiful. - Yes. It's a harvest basket.
And this is a traditional M'bulu jug for palm oil,
- Just for you, man. - Oh. Oh,
Um, look, N'udu, there's something I need to tell you.
- Yes? - That game wasn't from the library.
It was mine.
So, you weren't really interested in my village?
No, no, no, no, I was interested.
But only so you could destroy it and advance a level? Is that it?
Oh, when you say it like that, it sounds bad.
You made me sing Ligerian folk songs.
I thought they would give me clues.
I promise never to play that game again. N'udu!
And if it's any consolation, I was not very good at it.
I'm on my way right now. I'll see you in 15.
Oh my God, it's my ex.
Gotta go. Bye.
- Run, run, run. - Where? Where?
Wait, wait, wait. It's cool.
- Hey. - Hey, hey, hey.
It's been so long.
Has it? Uh, it feels like just yesterday.
Oh, this is Alex. Alex, this is JoJo.
- Hi. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you too.
You look good.
So do you, both.
Alex and I used to date. I owe her a huge apology.
What? No. I'm the one who should be apologizing.
What for?
Uh, you know, everything.
I left you stranded at a dessert shop.
Did you? It was so long ago I barely even remember.
- You took a week off school. - To concentrate on my studies.
- You know how it is? - I'm starting to.
The important thing is that we're all doing okay.
That is so big of you.
I dumped you hard and I've never forgiven myself.
It was great seeing you.
JoJo, I'm sure I'll never meet you again, but it was a pleasure.
Yeah, I like your purse.
Claude, I'd like you to have these.
I know what it's like to struggle with addiction.
In my case, it was bubble tea.
You know, I've been reading a wonderful book on Ligeria.
There is even a picture of that little jar.
Well, the real ones are a lot bigger.
This is very famous jug.
- The M'bulu jug. - Huh?
Peter M'bulu, the great Republican hero of Ligeria,
got his girlfriend to seduce Ganzi warlord, Naz Opongo.
When Naz was sleeping, she put a knife in the oil jug.
The next day, M'bulu came to Opongo, unarmed,
to concede defeat.
When Opongo's back was turned,
M'bulu grabbed the knife out of the jug
and killed Opongo, bringing the civil war to an end.
That's how the Ligerian Civil War ended.
Yes.
Oh. Spoiler alert. I... I ruined your book?
Ah, no. No, that's okay.
- Um, I gotta go. - Yeah.
- Ligeria rocks, man. - Yes.
I just wanted to apologize for what happened earlier;
that was an accident.
That was an accident? Okay, good.
- You didn't think it was? - I don't know.
Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt.
I just wanted to make sure that you weren't letting
your feelings get in the way of the mission.
- I'm not. I even ignore his phone calls. - He called you?
He wants to apologize for how he dumped me.
Which I notice you left out of our briefing.
I know. I wasn't honest about the breakup.
But I'm over him, I swear.
Well, if it's worth anything,
he kept talking about how bad he felt for ending it.
- He did? - He was obviously wracked with guilt.
I sure wasn't getting anything, intel-wise.
Look, maybe you should follow up with him,
let him get closure.
- You'd be okay with that? - Of course.
It's just work, right?
Right. Okay. Good.
- So, JoJo... - Not now, Burt!
Have you talked to JoJo again?
Yes. And it kinda backfired.
I think I'm just gonna leave her alone.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I said to keep it cool, don't drop out of the picture.
A man's always got to be in the frame.
I'll demonstrate on someone I have absolutely
no feelings for, whatsoever, Alex.
Take notes.
Thank you very much.
So, how's it goin' with the whole ex-boyfriend thing?
Oh, he keeps trying to get in touch with me.
I don't know whether I should call him back.
Well, I say go for it. It's cool.
There's a lot of history there.
I don't know if I want to risk opening old wounds.
It's a risk. But, you know, whatever.
Yeah. Why over-think it? I should call him. Thanks.
No probbies.
- That was cool. - Totally.
You didn't care at all that she's running back
- into the arms of her old boyfriend. - Yeah.
Which in this case is okay,
because you have no real feelings for her.
- Uh-huh. - Mm-hmm.
{ Advertisement }
Hey, it's me, I mean Allie, Alex.
Alex, it's so great to hear from you. You got my messages.
Sure did.
KAL: I hope this isn't too awkward.
Why would it be awkward?
KAL: Look, I'm just gonna say it. I was a total ass,
a real jackwad about the whole dumping you thing.
I completely agree.
And I don't mean to bother you, I just...
I feel terrible about the way things ended
and I thought maybe we could go for coffee, have a talk.
I'll be the guilty wretch in the grey sweater.
- The one I gave you? - Still my favourite.
One coffee. I'll text you.
I owe you for this, Allie.
Excuse me.
If anyone needs me, I'll be mixing dangerous chemicals.
Remember when we staged that campus rally in January?
And you kept trying to get me to wear a jacket.
You were like, "No way. They don't wear jackets
in the country where they make these jackets. "
Yeah. That was pretty stupid. I caught triple pneumonia.
But it was an illness of passion and I admired that about you.
Apparently not enough to stay with me.
I was a different person back then.
Well, I loved that person.
I haven't changed that much. I'm 90 percent the same guy.
Are you still the guy fighting the good fight, though?
I heard about the TundraCore pipe extension.
TundraCore is a blackhead on the shiny nose
of Mother Earth that needs to be popped.
Peacefully, though? That's still your thing, right?
Of course.
And how about you?
Are you still a hardcore Buddhist
with a Navajo world view?
Um...
Uh, uh, I'll get back to you on that.
I need to use the washroom.
- Any word on the mission? - Not a single call.
I guess they're too busy mooning over Hotsky-Trotksy
to call in a progress report. This bites.
I am so sick of waiting for this phone to ring,
I don't care how much they're paying me.
Time to salvage what's left of our self-respect and move on.
Yeah.
[phone rings]
Answer it. We're still a national security agency.
Hello? [sighs]
It's not them.
[sighs] Hang up.
Okay, boys, we're going to slaughter Opongo
and I know exactly how to do it.
Really, Claude?
Oh. I'm a weak man.
No. Go ahead. Exploit your newfound knowledge.
I just wanna get to the next level, okay?
Go for it. Kill them all. I won't stop you.
Okay, guys, uh, we have to go to Opongo's palace.
We're looking for a M'bulu jug, very famous. Mm?
Uh, it's somewhere in here.
- Left. - Let's go left.
N'UDU: Towards the kitchen. It's a palm oil jug.
CLAUDE: Towards the kitchen.
MAN ONLINE: You're good, man. It's like you've been here before.
- I have been here before. - Yeah.
Oh, that's Opongo's brother! Crouch, man, crouch!
- Now run. Faster! - I'm still in crouch mode!
Then stand up like a man, and run! Gimme this.
- Hi. - Hi.
I don't remember authorizing this undercover work.
Undercover? I work here. I'm enjoying some extra income
thanks to an exciting part-time position in the food service industry.
- What are you doing? - I think Kal's lying to us.
- Look, we can't let this get personal. - I'm not!
Okay, maybe a little when I hacked into his SmartPhone.
- JoJo. - You said it yourself.
He's very charming.
So, yes, maybe I got a tad possessive.
But listen to this.
KAL: Hey, babe.
- Is he talking to you? - No.
- Me? - No.
Marie-Josee Tremblay, leader of the Co-op Vert out of Montreal.
MARIE-JOSEE: Kal, we need to be serious about this.
KAL: Sweetheart, I am. That pipeline is as good as gone.
We're trying to find the right explosives
so none of the caribou get hurt.
Aw-ugh!
Oooph, he always had a thing for French accents.
He's also planning on blowing up a pipeline.
Just let me be a girl about this for a second,
then we'll take him down.
Okay, let's take him down.
Sorry about that. Now where were we?
Um, I think I had my hand somewhere over here.
I don't know. Aren't you seeing someone?
JoJo? No, it's not that serious.
- Anyone else? - No. Alex, I wouldn't screw this up twice.
JoJo. You work here?
No.
Here.
I've got one of those myself.
Oh, damn.
We know about Marie Josee and your plans to blow up the TundraCore pipeline.
I coulda sworn you told me you weren't into violent protest.
I didn't know what to do.
I was hitting on her, said some things that I shouldn't have,
next thing I knew everyone in the group caught wind of it.
You were backed into a corner?
I was just gonna bail on them
and hide out at my parents' cottage.
Sadly, I believe every word.
Give us the names of the conspirators
and we'll get you a reduced sentence.
- You mean rat out my brothers? - Exactly.
Okay, good. I just wanted to make sure.
Do I just like speak right into the recorder? Okay.
Kevin White... [our producer]
{ Advertisement }
That's it, that's it. He's turning his back.
Grab the knife from inside the jug, N'udu.
Take that, Opongo.
[screaming in videogame]
Yes!
[laughing]
MAN ONLINE: Nice job, Frenchy.
Oh, no, that, my friends, was the one-man Army of N'udu.
COMPUTER VOICE: Congratulations.
The Ligerian Civil War has ended
and you now find yourself in a river boat deep in the Brazilian jungle.
Let's go home.
Yes, it's time.
- Two players? - Let's torch this rainforest.
Let's go. I'll take the boat.
Subtitle by: Kiasuseven