Ladies and gentlemen...
the captain has just turned off the seat-belt sign.
At this time, you are free to move about the cabin.
Wine helps.
Hm? Excuse me?
So does Xanax.
I have some in my purse if you want.
Why? Do I seem nervous to you?
Business or pleasure? Your trip.
Excuse me, sir? Is that your leather carry-on in the overhead compartment?
Probably, yeah.
Do you need me to move it?
- If you don't mind. - Sure.
I don't mind.
Sure. Sorry, pardon me. No, don't get up. Don't get up.
- Are you sure? Okay. - Yeah.
Got it, thank you. Excuse me.
- Would you mind holding that? - Oh, sure, thanks.
May I help you?
Okay, put it in. Put it in.
Whoa, ha, ha! That was a big one.
All right. Do you...? Don't you think we should probably go back to our seats?
No, it's okay. Just give it to me.
Good morning. We've hit a nasty patch of weather...
as we approach Chicago. Please take your seats.
- Shut the fuck up, Carl. - Captain says we should return...
Don't worry about anything.
Oh!
Oh, God. You really are scared, aren't you?
Well, yeah. All right, just give me a minute.
- It's okay. - Honey, don't worry about anything.
Ladies and gentlemen...
- Those seat belts are not gonna help you.
Nothing out there can help you.
If we go down, we go down.
We ask you to return to your seats.
So you might as well fuck me.
Okay, concentrate and then fuck me.
Look at my tits. Does that help?
Her tits did help.
Ah!
it could all come crashing down.
Charlie, I'm home.
They didn't have the...
The canned plum tomatoes that you wanted...
so, ha, I got the fresh ones- Fresh ones instead.
Hey, baby. This lovely lady came looking for you.
Aw. Heh, heh.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Are you her other hooker? - Get the fuck out of here.
Sandee, how can I help you?
Okay, look, now, I'll just say it.
Lenore... I mean, she's a bitch.
- I'm so sorry about my language. - It's okay.
But, I mean, she is a fucking cunt. And we'd like to try something new...
maybe work for you guys.
You want me to pimp your fiancé?
Yes.
That is a very interesting proposal, isn't it, Tanya?
Sandee, I will certainly consider your offer.
However, I am just not currently in the market for additional gigolos.
Will he do dudes?
- What? - Your fiancé.
Will he fuck men?
Yes, I think that can be arranged.
Hey.
What are you doing here?
- We're moving in. - How'd you get in the house?
There was a key under the rock by the door.
- Did you go somewhere? - On a business trip.
- How long have you...? - We got here this morning.
Mom is pissed.
This is why they shouldn't have their own car.
They can't just come and go whenever they please.
They're kids, Jess. Let them blow off some steam.
You know? Let them stay the weekend.
I don't want them to stay the weekend.
I want them to come back.
'Keg, just when you feast expect it
the whole thing comes crashing down.
They won't be very happy.
I don't care if they're happy.
Do they strike you as particularly happy people in general?
You have got to support me on this, even if you don't agree.
Ray, you can't let them play us against each other.
- Jess? - Oh, God. Ray.
Yeah. Jess, let me call you back.
Ow.
Hey, guys, did you see anything...
like out of the ordinary when you came in?
You left the TV on.
Huh? The back door is unlocked.
Hey, Mrs. Koontz. Yael?
Yael, did you see anybody suspicious come into my home?
- Anybody at all? - I don't pay attention to your visitors, Ray.
- I have better things to do. - Okay, so nothing strange?
No break-ins?
I think 69-ing on the dock is strange, Ray, but what do I know?
Oh, you had a break-in. Tsk. Low.
Maybe it was the lady with the crazy hair who's always yelling.
- All right. - Maybe it was the cop...
who arrested you in front of my house last week.
Maybe it was the redhead who liked to walk around in the nude.
Miss Fire-Crotch, right?
Okay, thanks.
Hey. Hi, Ray. - Tanya, my shoebox is gone.
My money that I keep in my shoebox, somebody took it.
Ray, you keep your money in a shoebox?
Yeah, it was hidden. Don't laugh.
- Banks can go belly-up. - Yeah, and houses burn down, Ray.
It's not the smartest move in the world.
- Oh, God. How much did they get? - Five grand.
You know, that has Lenore written all over it.
Tanya, who are you talking to?
Who's that? ls somebody with you?
- What? - Is somebody with you?
No, it's no one.
It's my friend. It's my friend.
- Okay. Well... - Look, let's just go find Lenore.
I'll see you in half an hour.
Oh, God.
What?
- Ray's money was stolen. - You gonna sign up that other dude?
Jason? No.
Look, Ray and I have a unique business relationship.
- And he's worth it. All right? - All right.
Well, if you're not gonna take him, I might make a move.
You... You want to be Jason's pimp?
Yeah, if you don't.
It's money on the ﬂoor.
I gotta go.
- Is Lenore here? - Foot massage?
No, no, we need Lenore Bernard.
Don't do that here. Just massage.
- I think... - No, no, she lives here.
It's... It's Lenore.
Lenore Bernard? She's tall, red hair.
Red hair?
Redhead gone.
What?
Hey, do you really think that she would...?
No, Ray. No. She's too much of a narcissist.
She's never gonna kill herself.
I don't know. What do we really know about her?
We know nothing.
Listen, a certain business opportunity has presented itself.
- What opportunity? - Well, I don't know.
I think it has enormous growth potential and it could boost our earnings.
- What is it? - Sandee came to see me yesterday.
Jason's fiancée.
- Jason being... - Exactly.
And she was investigating the possibility of us teaming up.
On the DL. Like, Lenore wouldn't know about it.
We'd bring Jason on as an additional consultant...
and then take a percentage. You know, kind of like a merger.
Are you fricking kidding me?
Well, no. I mean...
I don't know. Maybe.
- My money is missing, Tanya. - I thought it could be good.
I am suddenly broke and you want to talk to me about this now?
I'm sorry. It was a bad time. I'm sorry I brought it up.
It wasn't the right time.
- I'll say. - Never mind. It's fine.
Lisa, I want you to put the bottle down Did you put it dawn?
Getting your stomach pumped is awful, Lisa.
You get all barf}; And your mouth tastes like chalk.
Does Lenore Bernard work here?
I don't think so. Do you mean Lenore Russell?
- There she is. - Sir?
- Is she expecting you? - Why lake a whole bottle...
when you can take a couple, drink a martini and feel fantastic?
Think about it.
Okay, buzz me if you crater.
We don't do walk-ins, Ray. You got to call.
Oh, yeah? They actually let you work in this place?
It's volunteer. I'm giving back to my community.
People who are gonna kill themselves, they wanna talk to me first.
Look at you, all sexy.
- It's good to see you again, Ray. - Where's my shoebox, Lenore?
Are you coming onto me?
Look, I know you did it.
Okay? I probably have witnesses, so give it back.
I have no idea what you're talking about, Ray.
Stacy, is your garage door open?
Open your garage door.
Did you break into my house...
and steal my shoebox full of money?
Stace, hold on a sec. Ray, you're an asshole.
I am dealing here with people with real problems, okay?
All you have is a big dick and a missing shoebox.
And right now I don't care about either.
I have better things to do with my time than creep around your burnt-out house.
I'm trying to save lives.
Stacy? Sweetheart, did you open the door? Please open the door.
Open the door and turn the engine off.
No. Okay.
You need a jump?
Oh, no, that's...
That's okay. I got it.
Yeah, I can see that.
- I'm Kyla. - I'm Ray.
I know. I asked Lenore about you.
She told me, you know, your deal.
- My deal? - Yeah.
So how does it work?
How does what work?
Is there someone I'm supposed to call to set things up?
You can talk to me.
Doctor's office.
Hm. Uh-huh.
Patsy, great job on that blood work.
Knocked it out of the park. A-plus.
Jessica. Could I speak to you privately for a minute?
Have a seat.
That's okay.
Listen, Jessica.
What happened the other night was...
Brought some things to the surface for me.
I thought we weren't gonna talk about that here.
See, I've had box seats at Tiger Stadium for 10 years.
And every game I get two hot dogs. Mustard, relish.
- Okay. - And then they built the new stadium...
and I got the corporate box.
And the first game, they brought me filet mignon.
And it was delicious... I mean, juicy and succulent.
But what happened?
I missed the dogs.
Mindy and I are gonna try to work things out.
You don't have to tell me this, Matt.
- It's... It's fine. - I do.
I do, because I'm happy with you working here.
I love your office presence.
Thank you. I hope it's nice.
But Mindy, she's not that happy about it.
You told Mindy about us?
In the spirit of honesty.
Matt, are you firing me?
What? No.
Because of some sexual relationship we may or may not have had?
That is out of the question.
Okay.
I have always said your job is totally intact.
That is, if you want it to be.
But if you feel uncomfortable...
no hard feelings.
The kicking shoebox.
If Lenore didn't take it, who did?
I was saving all that money to take my kids on a college trip.
Living in a land That's built on diesel fuel and clay
We fight to see the stars And live another day
What?
Yet you might see
All right, I'll come around.
A revolution brewing in the 313
Too many vacancies And hungry mouths to feed
The country watches as our...
Why don't you call like a normal person?
You never call. Anyway, this is important.
I have an idea: a mixer.
We should get to know them before you make up your mind.
- Hang outwith who? - Sandee and Jason.
I think you should rethink them.
You're unbelievable, Tanya. I already said no.
Just drop it.
Look, I want this business to grow.
- I want to merge. - Well, I don't.
Well, that's like poor people who say they're Republican...
then they vote against their own self-interests.
Just think about us for a change, please?
Oh, I am. And I don't think they're good for us.
No, you don't think it's a good idea for you.
But Jason is a very good idea for us.
Jason is gonna make a lot of money, Ray.
I mean, he'll have sex with anyone.
He'll have sex with guys. I mean, he's full-service.
Jason... He's good to go.
Hope the three of you are very happy together.
You know, Charlie says I don't need your approval.
Who cares what you think? He says this is a great opportunity...
and that I should go for it. And that's what I'm gonna do.
- Who's Charlie? - What?
Who the hell is Charlie?
My... My... My...
My boyfriend.
Boyfriend?
Now some joker was giving her business advice.
Tanya ain't around.
- Are you...? - Am I what?
- You're Charlie. - Yeah.
What can I do for you, man?
- You got a minute? - Sure.
Hey, you wanna taste this for me?
Listen, Charlie, I don't know what's going on between you and Tanya.
It's none of my business and I don't care.
But what's going on between me and Tanya...
you see, that's none of your business.
Heh, heh, heh.
What?
Oh, look, man, you don't want me in your business.
I respect that. But the problem is Tanya.
She kind of makes it my business.
And we both know that her judgment is kind of hazy when it comes to you.
So when she comes to me all upset about the shit that you pull...
telling her to blow away a business opportunity...
and coming whining to her like some kind of baby bitch?
Hey, buddy, all due respect...
what the fuck are you talking about?
- You're holding her back, Ray. - I'm what?
You're a stubborn, middle-age ho who don't do dudes.
Come on. You wanna listen up and just let the truth permeate?
Because this ain't about you. It's about dollars and cents.
You got to open yourself to the economics of the situation.
Okay. Got it.
Your dick got an expiration date, Ray.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...
but sometime.
And the smart move would be to think ahead...
maybe see this Jason kid as your 401.
Huh?
You're a vampire. You're a vampire.
You're, um, Robert Pattinson.
Uh, uh, Taylor Lautner. Twilight.
No. Ian Somerhalder. Help me out.
Buff?"
- Time! Time. - What are you?
Dracula. I was Dracula. The vampire.
He's the first one. The first vampire.
The first...
Okay, it's my turn. I don't know this one.
Skip it. - I don't know this one.
- Skip it. - I don't know that one.
- I don't know this one either. - Sandee, skip it.
- Easy, tiger. - No, I know this one. Here.
- Okay. - You didn't know those other ones?
- I'm ready. - Ready...
- Yeah. - Go!
- Ke$ha. You're Ke$ha! - Mike Tyson. Janet Jackson.
- Madonna. - Britney Spears. Christina Aguilera.
Me and the Mickey Mouse Club.
- The dawn of a new age. - Oh, my God.
- I'm so old. - Katy Perry?
Backstreet Boy... Michael Jackson. Justin Timberlake?
Kelly Clarkson. Kanye West.
- I'm sorry. - Beyoncé.
I didn't want to do this without you, but we have to adapt. We have to try.
No? - It's okay.
Okay. Britney Spears. - It's okay?
- It's okay. - Tito Jackson. The Jackson 5.
- Yep. - Um... Beyoncé.
Glee! Glee! Beyoncé.
They got a lot of energy.
Yeah, I'll give them that. Yeah.
Super pumped, man.
- Awesome! - I want first dibs...
and I want 20 percent of everything the kid makes.
- Okay, deal. - '80s boy bands.
Ray, you wanna play?
Good move. I don't know who it is. - No.
I... I gotta go.
I meant to tell you, I found a new client.
You set up a date?
Yeah, when I was fixing my car.
I think it's gonna be good. I'll give you the details later.
Okay, that's great, Ray.
Kelly Clarkson? - You know you're living with a pimp, right?
- Yeah, I know. - Okay.
I don't know.
Okay, here we go. Yes.
Okay.
That's good, that's good. Rodeo. Rodeo.
Rodeo. You got it, you got it.
Come on, head rush, head rush.
Double dig them with a swing step.
Okay, good, good. All right, swing step out.
Round it out. Round it out.
Round it out. Whoo! Tap front.
Tap front. Tap front.
Infection. You've got it. That's it, that's it. Whoo!
Everybody, dance!
Whoa! Ha, ha, ha!
Okay, that's it.
- Enough. - Just when you were getting good.
Yeah, fantastic.
I mean it.
Oh!
I'm glad your car broke down.
Me too.
And I'm really glad you wanted to do this.
Yeah, I know. This is... This is great.
This is what I do.
Nice shoes, T-Brain. - What are you doing here?
- I wanted to talk to you. - Look, what do you want?
Ray came to see me yesterday.
Apparently, someone stole his shoebox and he thought it was me.
I wonder why he'd think that.
All right, Tanya, as you know, I am now working with a very talented young gigolo.
But he's got a girlfriend. I think she stole Ray's money.
All right, well, you'll forgive me if I don't believe you, Lenore.
Yeah, that's right. Good night.
I almost forgot. I've been so distracted lately.
Kyla, this new girl who's on a date with Ray...
she wanted me to tell him, but I've been so busy.
I didn't even know if it'd be a problem for him.
All right, what is it?
The woman Ray is on a date with is a man.
She's a man.
Oh, fuck.
Oh... Ooh...