[ Joe Cocker's "With a Little Help From My Friends" plays ]
♪ Baby ♪
♪ by with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ said I'm gonna make it with my friends ♪
♪ try with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ♪
♪ high with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ♪
♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
For most guys I went to school with in 1972,
Junior year was a time of... Exploration,
A time for expanding horizons, broadening perspectives,
Seeking answers to little-known questions.
It was an opportunity to grapple
With the great issues of our day,
Which, as it happened, boiled down to only two.
Oh, man.
There were only four independent republics,
As compared to now.
By the end of 1972, there's gonna be 41.
One of them was sex.
So... Now, is everybody paying attention?
Miss farmer, our social-studies teacher.
Who can tell me the names of three African republics?
No one?
Let's look at a map.
In one of the great cosmic ironies of our time,
The board of education had hired her
To mold and develop our formative young minds.
Dominick? Can you point out Liberia on the map?
It's, uh...
That yellow one.
Right there.
[ Chuckles ]
Perhaps you could come up and show us.
Uh...
Can't.
M-my foot's asleep.
Not an uncommon ailment in social studies that year.
[ bell rings ] - all right.
Why doesn't everybody just pass up their assignments?
All in all, if you were 16 and male, it was agony.
And no one was immune.
Which brings me back to the point.
For teenage boys, there were only two great issues... sex...
[ bell dinging ]
That'll be $3.69.
And, of course, economics.
Uh... Sure.
And let me be clear about this.
By "economics," I mean cold, hard cash.
Not that I had any.
You're 49 cents short.
Uh... One second.
Any of you guys got 50 cents?
Not me.
Sorry, man. I'm tapped.
Wait a minute... you mean, between the two of you,
You can't come up with a lousy half-buck?
Hey, I paid last week.
Amazing.
Even with my job
Delivering Chinese food two nights a week...
Be right with you.
The best I could do when it came to cash flow was...
There.
It's a potato chip.
Oh, yeah.
Guess it is.
Get out of here!
Right.
[ Engine turns over ]
Face it... poverty was ruining my good name, my reputation...
[ bell dings ]
Not to mention my credit rating.
[ gurgling ] What's that sound?
Not to mention my love life.
What sound?
[ Gurgling ] - that one.
There it is again.
It's my stomach.
It's growling.
Oh.
Not to mention my girlfriend's digestive tract.
I thought you said you were taking me out to dinner tonight.
Oh. Yeah.
Kevin, I'm really hungry. Can't we just get something?
Well, uh...
Yeah, I think eating out is overrated.
You know, the... the service is always slow.
Plus, the food is never that good.
You know, I read somewhere that anything you eat after 9:00
Goes right to your hips.
Didn't you read that?
I think I'd like to go home now.
[ Gurgling ]
Right.
Fact... this cash-flow thing
Was beginning to cloud my judgment.
[ bell rings ]
And so desperation led me
To consider once-unthinkable options.
In other words, I needed a second job.
Preferably something
That didn't require a name tag and a shovel.
Or a baggie and a scoop.
[ sighs ]
Brother.
And then, just as luck and money were running out...
Oh. Hi, Kevin.
Hi.
Lust and fortune stepped in.
And opportunity knocked.
Kevin. Hi.
Hi.
I, uh, came about the job.
[ Chuckles ]
Well, gee, you certainly got here fast.
Yeah, well, you know, it's right on the way.
Oh.
Besides, you know what they say...
"the early worm gets the bird."
[ clears throat ] anyway, uh...
- Here I am. - Well, good.
Why don't you come on in? I'm making some lemonade.
And, the formalities out of the way,
Negotiations began.
Sugar?
Hmm?
For your lemonade?
Oh. Yeah.
So... Don't you even want to know what the job is?
Well, it's, uh, painting, right?
I mean, I've done lots of painting... all over the place.
Two storm windows for dad
And Wayne's forehead when I was 6.
But who was counting?
[ sighing ] oh, I don't know.
Maybe I should have it done professionally.
But at that moment,
I'd have killed to keep professionals from her house.
Hey, why hire them when you got me?
Babe.
Well, if you really think you can...
'course I can.
So...
What would I be painting?
The house.
The house?
The whole house?
[ Chuckling ] no. Just the outside.
The thing is...
I don't have much money.
And, of course, right then,
I should have known I was in over my head.
I should have known.
I should have known, but...
How does...$500 sound?
[ Heavenly music plays ]
And that's when it happened.
Right then, right there,
Two great forces of nature converged...
Beauty and cash.
Course, you would take care of the supplies.
Can you start this weekend?
Well...
Painting?
What do you know about painting?
Dad, what's to know?
I mean, there's a house, and... You paint it.
Seemed simple enough to me.
[ sighs ]
What kind of paint you using... latex or enamel?
[ TV plays in background ]
Uh... Blue.
You know what supplies to buy?
Well...
You have a crew to work with?
Geez, what was this... trade school?
Yeah, I got a couple of guys... In mind.
[ Sighs ]
Well, just make sure you know what you're doing.
Painting's hard enough even when you're good at it.
Through a national health-insurance...
And there you had it...
The unflagging support of hearth and home.
Better hope it's one of those paint-by-number houses.
Shut up, butthead!
After all, if there was one thing I didn't need,
It was my family bringing me down.
Are you out of your mind?
I had my friends to do that.
Paint a house? A whole house?
That sounds like work.
Hey, I thought you guys needed the money.
How much you payin'?
Let's see here. $500 divided by 3 comes to...
20 bucks a man?
[ Both laugh ]
Okay. If that's the way they wanted it, fine.
[ bell rings ]
After all, I didn't need them.
What I needed were men...
Men who took joy in their work, solid blue-collar men.
[ thwack! ]
Men like...
[ creak! Clink! ]
Jimmy Donnelly...
Eddie Horvath...
And Joey Spinoza.
[ thwack! ]
I don't know.
Call it instinct, but somehow, I knew I'd found my crew.
[ clears throat ]
So, guys...
Want to make a few dollars?
[ Thwack! ]
Bingo.
Dollars?
And so, with that, my team was complete.
Sure, maybe they weren't much on experience,
But they had their good points.
They worked hard. They worked fast.
Most of all, they worked cheap.
So, Arnold... When you said "a few dollars,"
Exactly how few were you talkin' about?
I'm not sure.
You know, I got to buy supplies, and there's overhead and...
Ballpark figure?
$20.
4...
95.
$30.
$30?
So this guy wanted to play hardball, huh?
Sorry. $26 is my limit.
$28.
That's as low as I go.
$27.
I'll go talk to my boys.
[Chuckles]
Game, set, match... Arnold.
At 80-some bucks for labor, plus materials,
I'd have enough left from the $500
To qualify as a small fortune.
Okay, $142 for the paint,
That's $28 for the brushes,
$35 for the rollers, and 16 bucks for the tarp.
A very small fortune.
$142 for the paint? How'd you get that?
I added it.
You got a grand total of $258.88.
Okay. We're in.
It was kind of like watching my wallet bleed to death.
Still, at least now maybe the hemorrhage was complete.
Plus tax.
[ Cash register dings ]
[ Rooster crows ]
Still, the next morning, we arrived...
On time, ready to tackle the task before us.
Wait a minute.
Just one little hitch.
You never said anything about it being two stories.
It's not two stories.
There's a window right there.
Man, this is... this is gonna cost more.
I'd say at least...$50.
$50?!
But we agreed on...
$50. Up front and in cash.
It was a hold-up worthy of Jesse James.
And I wasn't buying.
Oh, no. No way. Forget it.
But, Arnold...
Donnelly, we had a deal. And a deal's a deal, period.
Hey, I was no patsy.
After all, I had an investment here.
[ door opens ] - Kevin!
Unfortunately, at that moment, the stock market crashed.
I'm so glad you're here!
Are you just about ready to get started?
Uh, sure. Yeah, just about.
Good.
Okay, Arnold. So, we have a deal?
Fine.
What else could I do? I was stymied.
Greed and temptation had conspired against me.
Let's just get to work now, okay?
You got it.
And there was really nothing left to say, but...
Boys...
Break time.
Right.
[ Bachman-Turner Overdrive's "takin' care of business" plays ]
So, that weekend, we got to work.
We banded together as a team.
It was time to put economic differences behind us.
♪ and I been takin' care of business... ♪
It was time to paint.
♪ ...Of business every way... ♪
Sure, maybe we had no idea what we were doing.
So what?
What we lacked in experience, we made up for with...
Lack of experience.
And after two days of work, one thing was crystal-clear.
This was a disaster.
Can't you guys go any faster?
We're going as fast as we can.
Donnelly, why don't you take that top window up there?
I'm afraid of heights.
But I paid you for a second floor.
I know. I appreciate it.
♪ ...Just lyin' in the sun... ♪
Hey, Arnold, uh, we're gonna need some more paint.
Time was money. Paint was money.
So it was obvious what I had to do.
♪ ...And we be takin' care of... ♪
I had to ask miss farmer for an extra hundred dollars.
It shouldn't be difficult.
This was business... simple economics.
It had nothing to do with anything else.
Nothing to do with long legs, with soft skin,
With the way a woman smelled in the morning.
Miss farmer? You got a second?
Hi, Kevin.
Uh...
Hi.
I guess it must look kind of silly...
Me sunbathing here without a pool.
But somehow,
"silly" wasn't exactly the word that came to mind.
So? How's it going?
Oh, fine. It's just...
Actually, uh...
What I came to tell you is I think it's gonna cost
More than I thought.
Really?
Well, you should have told me.
You can always come to me when you have a problem.
Holy cow! This was gonna be easier than I thought.
I was funded! I was flush!
I was back in the chips.
Here. Here's an extra $10.
I was... Working for peanuts.
Thanks.
I'm glad I could help.
There's paint, paint remover,
Pans, brushes...
Anything else?
The ladder.
Oh, yeah.
You starting a new house?
Yeah, I'm painting the whole block.
Ooh.
Okay, let's add her up.
[ Cash register dings ]
That's $41.
It was amazing... $41 on the nose.
My once-magnificent fortune was now completely gone.
Plus there's tax.
Thanks.
I was flat broke... busted.
My only hope was to cut my losses
And finish the job before it finished me.
Hey, Donnelly, over here.
Look.
Whoa!
Hey, guys!
You think we can get a little painting done here?
Lighten up, Arnold. We're on a break.
All right. That's it.
I'd had enough. I was fed up with these jokers.
I'd been pushed to my limit.
Hey, you guys took a break 20 minutes ago.
It's time to get some work done now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And maybe that's when it hit me... the horrible truth.
Whoa.
I was letting this poor schoolteacher's house
Be painted by... A bunch of perverts.
You know, I can't believe you.
I am really, really surprised.
Donnelly, Spinoza, Horvath, I hired you.
And from the first day, all you've been doing
Is goldbricking and daydreaming.
And from now on,
There's gonna be no more breaks and no daydreaming.
Do I make myself clear?
And you're gonna take pride in your work.
And you're gonna paint!
And you're not gonna stop painting
Until this job is finished!
There... it was a summons to arms,
An appeal to old-fashioned red-blooded ethics
That called for only one reply.
We quit.
See ya.
What do you mean, you quit?
You can't just quit!
I already paid you!
I paid for those overalls!
And those gloves!
But suddenly I was on my own.
Kevin? Honey, are you all right?
Yeah. I'm fine.
Hey, there... there's paint in my potatoes!
Shut up, butthead.
That night, I was in no mood for jokes... or potatoes.
You sure you're not working too hard?
Yeah. Mom, I told you, I'm fine.
Really.
Besides... It's my job.
I know. But you look exhausted.
Honey, no one would blame you if you quit.
They wouldn't?
And there it was... peace with honor.
Just in my grasp.
Quit?
He's not gonna quit.
Whoops.
You know, Kevin, at first I had my doubts.
But seeing how hard you've been working...
I got to say...
I'm impressed, son.
And I guess that's when I realized,
Looking into my father's eyes,
Seeing his admiration, his trust,
His total misreading of the situation...
I knew there was only one thing to do.
I was gonna turn a profit from this thing or die trying.
Sure, I'd gotten confused by beauty, by lust, by greed.
But no more. Nope.
From now on, business was business was...
I've been waiting for you.
Never mind.
You have?
Kevin!
Oh. Hi.
I'm glad you stopped by. Won't you come in?
I just made some lemonade. Would you like some?
No, thanks. I just came over to tell you something.
Oh? What?
At that moment, I noticed something about miss farmer
That I'd never before seen.
She had a large man in her kitchen.
Oh, Kevin... this is Mr. Kaplan.
He just bought my house.
What?
Please, Lisa.
"Dave."
We just signed the papers this morning.
I couldn't believe it.
She'd really done this? To me?
You're moving?
Not far... just an apartment across town.
[ Sighs ]
I love this house.
You know, when I first moved in here,
I guess I thought that someday I'd get married
And raise my family here.
But I just don't know what it is about this neighborhood.
The mailman, my next-door neighbor with his lawnmower...
Seems these guys see a single girl
And all they want to do is take advantage of her.
Oh.
And somehow, right then,
I began to get an inkling of what was really going on here.
Well, uh... I guess you won't want me
To finish painting the house, then, right?
Why, Kevin... Of course I do.
After all, we made a deal, didn't we?
Guess I already knew what came next.
And a deal's a deal.
Yeah, that was it...
The bottom line, in anyone's ledger.
Mr. Kaplan...
You know, this painting is getting pretty expensive.
I'm gonna need some extra money to finish it.
Don't look at me,kid.
I just paid 55 grand for a $40,000 house.
In a world where everyone was taking advantage
Of everybody else,
Sex and economics were facts of life...
For all of us.
The teenagers in Africa
Have a life that's very much different from yours...
I continued to see miss farmer every day,
But somehow it wasn't the same after that.
They usually spend their time...
After all, in a way, she'd done me a favor...
Taught me a lesson in life.
To wit... when it came to beautiful women and money,
It would always end like this...
Some guy would get stuck on a ladder in November...
Hey!
You missed a spot!
And some guy would end up alone.
♪ ...Be sure that this is love beyond compare... ♪
All I know for sure is
It took me six weeks to finish painting that house.
It cost me $214 of my own hard-earned money.
♪ ...Would all this be true ♪
♪ if I didn't care... ♪
And the next spring,
Mr. Kaplan put up aluminum siding.