[ Joe Cocker's "With a Little Help From My Friends" plays ]
♪ Baby ♪
♪ High with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ♪
♪ Try with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ Oh, oh, I'm gonna keep on tryin' ♪
♪ Get by with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ I'm gonna keep on tryin', now, babe ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
If there's one thing every kid learns growing up,
It's that life is a series of risks.
It's a cause-and-effect relationship.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Still, with the proper guidance,
We learn to deal with the risks.
And pretty soon, we set out into the world,
Sure in our options, confident of our choices.
Until, that is...
[ school bell rings ] "Metamorphosis."
Is it "a"... transformation, "b"... integration,
"c"... resurrection, or "d"... none of the above?
11th grade. The year of decisions.
Anyone?
Yes.
"B."
"c." "d."
"a."
Around the middle of junior year, the risks increase.
I knew that.
Almost overnight, the choices get harder.
One guess why.
English comprehension.
I suggest you learn this, class.
It's bound to show up on your SATs.
The scholastic aptitude test.
The living nightmare of American adolescents.
All right, next word.
"Pyrotechnic."
Mr. Pfeiffer, would you like to take a crack at this one?
Uh...
Like some kind of biblical curse,
The SATs had descended on our class,
Reducing even the most intelligent among us
To a state of flop sweats.
"b."
"d."
[ sighs ]
I knew that.
[ Scoffs ] yeah, right.
- I did. - In that case, Mr. Billings...
"hirsute."
Can you fill us in?
Hirsute.
Uh...
It was grim.
After 16 years of hard learning,
Our educational futures
Had suddenly been pinned down to four choices.
Uh...
"a," "b," "c," and, of course...
Pudding or Jell-O?
- I'll go with the pudding. - Mm.
Hirsute. Who... who in the world knows what hirsute means?
Hairy.
Oh, great.
The truth was, potential failure loomed at every turn.
Next.
Not that it was worth losing sleep over.
I haven't slept in two nights.
I don't know what it is. I just keep tossing and turning.
I just wish it was over, you know?
I wish I were dead.
It was clear each of us
Was dealing with this in our own way.
For me...
Come on, what are you both so worried about?
It was denial.
I mean, it's just a stupid aptitude test, right?
Maybe he's right.
Of course I'm right.
Are you nuts?
This test could determine our entire future.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, it means you have to score 1400 this year
To even be considered by the ivy leagues.
And what college you go to
Determines what grad school you go to,
Which determines what kind of job you get
And what contacts you're gonna make
And... and who your friends are gonna be
And what type of house you're gonna live in
And what the rest of your life could be like.
Are you sure you didn't leave anything else out, Paul?
Yeah. You got some pudding on your pants.
Pudding on our pants.
Metaphors we couldn't mix.
Seemed like the stress was getting to us all,
My Dad included.
"competent"? What the hell does "competent" mean?
Probably means you did a good job, jack.
For my father, the crisis
Was his annual evaluation from Norcom.
[ sighs ]
You know how many weekends I put in there?
You know how hard I work?
I don't believe this.
Which isn't to say the old man
Wasn't graceful at taking constructive criticism.
Now, look, honey!
There's "excellent" right here.
Yeah.
For "demeanor and appearance."
Means the guy liked my haircut.
Honey, they probably didn't even give it much thought.
You know how much they appreciate you there.
The hell they do.
Still, in my own way, I kind of sympathized with the guy.
Spoon?
After all, this was really none of my business.
This was Dad...
The great provider, the man with the plan.
Charlie Barrett got a bad evaluation, too.
Jack, you did not get a bad evaluation.
Yeah, well...
He decided to leave Norcom.
Charlie?
- You're kidding? - Nope.
He knows this guy who owns a small furniture factory.
He wants to retire.
He's gonna buy him out.
I don't know.
Maybe he's got the right idea.
But if Dad was looking for advice,
He was pretty much on his own.
20 years at Norcom, Norma.
What have I been doing with my life?
Face it... when it came to philosophy,
My family had one golden rule.
It was every man for himself.
Kevin, I'm worried.
About what?
The SATs.
Oh, no. Not you, too.
It was bad enough to have to face this in the cafeteria,
But not in the front seat of a hot car.
Winnie, it'll be fine.
You really think so?
Yeah.
Maybe you're right.
♪ Here I am, stuck in the middle with you ♪
Except what happens after the test?
What?
Well, the SATs are just the beginning.
I mean, after that, we graduate and go to college.
What if we end up at different schools?
And what if they're thousands of miles apart?
What if we never see each other anymore?
Geez.
Now my girlfriend was turning into Paul Pfeiffer.
Well...
Winnie, that's over a year away.
Do we have to worry about it now?
Of course we don't.
♪ Slap you on the back and say, "please" ♪
I mean, we'll still see each other at Christmas, right?
♪ "Please" ♪
It was awful.
This one crummy test was poisoning my life,
Plaguing my future.
So there was only one way to fight back...
I'll have pralines and cream, please.
Go for ice cream with the folks.
Yeah, this was some fun.
Jack. Norma.
Hey, Charlie. What are you doing here?
Well, I just stopped by to get the family some ice cream
To, uh, you know, celebrate.
[ Chuckles ]
Charlie Barrett.
I hadn't seen him since I was...
Kevin?
I-I... I haven't seen you since you were 6.
What grade are you in now?
11th.
So, uh...
Next year you'll be in 12th.
Yep. You couldn't get anything past this guy.
Kevin's taking his SATs next week.
Whoa. Hmm. SATs.
Good luck, pal.
Yeah, same to you.
Uh, let me have a pint of, uh, strawberry.
No, no, no. Make it a quart.
Might as well live on the edge a little.
Right?
Yes, jack told me about your leaving Norcom
And all your plans.
It must be very exciting.
Exciting?
Hell, Norma, this is long overdue.
Right, jack?
And there was something
About that pat on the arm that said...
So, Norma, what do you think
About jack and me going into business together?
I... Beg your pardon?
Uh...
Actually, we haven't talked about it yet.
Oh, I see.
Uh, Norma,
Jack and I just had a couple discussions
About maybe buying this little factory.
But, you know, it's not really...
We're meeting with the owners tomorrow.
I see.
Yeah, well, anyway...
I better get moving.
I'll see you tomorrow, jack, around 3:00?
Uhhuh.
See you there.
Unfortunately, my mother's concern
Didn't disappear as easily as Charlie had.
Why didn't you tell me about this, jack?
Uh...
Maybe we ought to talk about it at home, okay?
Kevin.
I'll... Get the car.
And suddenly,
I had the feeling something big was going on here...
For mom, for Dad, for the whole family.
And whatever it was...
Hey, good luck with those SATs.
I hear they're a real killer.
This time...
Thanks.
I knew the answers weren't gonna be easy.
[ school bell rings ]
"Harassment" is to "intimidation"
As "compliment" is to...
As the SATs loomed closer, our brains loomed smaller.
Come on, concentrate!
Anyone?
Mr. Coleman.
Yes?
"Harassment" is to "intimidation"
As "compliment" is to...
Panic had officially descended upon my class.
I have to go to the bathroom.
[ laughter ]
But no matter where we ran for comfort...
Anybody else?
There was no escape.
It was getting harder and harder
To deny what was going on.
Mr. Arnold.
How about you?
Uh...
At times like this, there was only one thing to do.
"b"?
Take a risk.
Ah.
Very good.
Would you like to tell the class how you arrived at this answer?
[ Sighs ]
I guessed.
[ laughter ]
Well, you were wrong.
I knew that.
All right, let's, uh... Start with another one.
"Annoy" is to "irate" as...
One thing was clear...
It was time to buckle down and dive in.
After all, that's what my Dad was doing.
[ sighs ]
How do I look?
You look very handsome.
I'll bet you never thought
You'd see me in the furniture business, huh?
After 24 hours of constant negotiations,
Mom had finally accepted Dad's plan.
There you go.
Not that she was completely happy about it.
I just hope it all works out.
You know, Norma, I'm a lot more than competent.
I know that, honey.
Good luck.
See ya.
And there you had it.
As my father set out to become a one-man industry...
[ chopping loudly ]
My mother became a one-woman vegematic.
Mom, I'm trying to study.
Hmm?
Could you keep it down a little?
Oh. Sorry.
[ Blender whirs ]
Okay, it was obvious
If I was gonna get any studying done at all,
I'd have to do it somewhere else!
I was ready.
I was focused.
And nothing was gonna sway me from the task at hand,
Except...
"let's make a deal"!
And now, here's America's top trader,
TV's big dealer...
Monty hall!
Hey, I just needed a 10-minute break, okay?
Okay. Thank you.
Honey, you've been watching TV for three hours.
Yeah.
Well, uh, I'm gonna turn it off right now.
The big deal is worth $10,034.
Is it behind door number one?
Or door number two?
Or door number three?
Your father should have been home an hour ago.
Maybe he got held up.
After all, we were talking about Dad here.
[ door opens ] he probably signed the deal,
Stopped off to buy some champagne,
And was coming home the conquering hero.
Hey, Dad.
Hi, honey.
How'd it go?
Lousy.
Or maybe just the conquered.
[ sighs ]
What happened?
I'll tell you what happened.
The whole damn thing fell apart.
How?
Well, for one thing,
It's gonna cost three times more than I thought.
15,000 bucks.
Can you imagine that?
We can't afford that, Norma.
With the mortgage...
Car payments, Kevin's college...
[ sighs ]
The hell was I thinking?
And at that moment, I heard something in his voice
I'd never heard before...
Regret.
I don't think you should give up on this.
Well, what about the money?
Honey...
When we got married,
We didn't have two nickels to rub together.
And we did all right.
Well...
We'll do it again.
But if mom was trying her best to give Dad a future...
[ sighs ] forget it, Norma.
The old man wasn't buying.
I'm staying at Norcom.
That night I didn't have much luck studying.
My mind was whirling.
All I could think about were decisions and risks...
[ sighs ]
And choices.
- "let's make a deal"! - All right, Kevin Arnold.
Are you ready to choose your future?
- Yes, Monty. - Okay, what door do you want?
I'll take, uh, door number... Yeah?
Two. No, no. One.
Three. No.
No, one.
Which?
Door number two.
Good. Are you sure?
- Absolutely. - Good.
Door number one.
All right, don, tell him what he won.
Congratulations!
You've just chosen 20 years at Norcom,
Where you'll receive long hours,
Constant brow-beating, and a severe peptic ulcer!
Unless, of course,
- You'd like to trade it... - Three!
- Oh, you do want to trade away? - Three.
- For three? All right. - I'll take door number three.
Here's what we have behind door number three.
[ Buzzer ]
It's... A donkey!
[ Donkey braying ]
[ Crowd groaning ]
Now, don, tell him what he could have won.
Yes, Kevin. It's the good life!
A college education...
Vacations to Hawaii...
The girl of your dreams...
And expensive lawn furniture!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Echoing ] and all because you didn't study for your SATs.
[ School bell rings ]
The day before the test was torture.
[ sighs ] oh, man.
This is gonna be a disaster.
Panic had given way to raw superstition.
You know, I heard that there's a pattern.
If you break the code, you can figure out the answers.
Yeah. I heard they have this card they put over the answers,
So if you fill in all the circles,
You get a perfect score. No, I heard...
It was crazy...
The last-minute ravings of desperate men.
That's ridiculous. How are they gonna know your birthday?
Hey. They know everything.
And then you take the question number and you add it,
And you multiply the whole thing...
I can't believe you guys are wasting your time
On these stupid rumors.
I mean, don't you have something better to do?
You should be studying.
- Why? - Enough was enough.
It was time to put some sense to this whole fiasco.
Who says we have to take this stupid test, anyway?
Why should we let this one test affect our entire life?
Why should one test make us this crazy?
I say we're more important than that stupid test,
And I, for one, am not gonna let it control my life.
There. Finally, a statement of principle.
A manifesto of defiance.
A cry for unity no red-blooded kid could fail to admire.
[ both imitating chickens ]
Nice try, buddy.
And I guess that's when it hit me...
What I'd been denying all week...
About choices and risks...
And that test.
I wasn't angry.
I was just plain scared.
By the end of the day, all I wanted to do was head home.
Maybe catch a slow train to Loserville.
[ horn honks ]
I don't know.
Maybe Dad had the same idea, too.
Hey, Kev. How you doin'?
Everything okay?
Dad, what are you doing here?
I thought maybe you'd like to go for a ride.
What do you say?
Well, I have my car over there, so...
We'll get it later.
Come on. It won't take long.
And the way he said it...
Okay.
Guess I knew I really didn't have a choice.
Kevin, uh...
There's some things I want to talk to you about.
The funny thing was, I pretty much knew what was coming.
You know,
Sometimes it's not easy being the head of a family.
Sometimes you have to make choices
That affect everybody, and...
You're not sure if you're doing the right thing.
Uh...
Listen, Dad.
You don't have to explain anything to me.
Glad to hear you say that.
Hell, I understood what he meant.
After all, in this world, there were two kinds of men...
The ones with guts, the ones who dared,
The ones who took risks...
And then there were the Arnolds.
Here we are.
What is this?
My new company.
Once the deal closes.
So, come on.
Let's take a look.
Here we go.
[ Sighs ] everybody's already knocked off for the day.
It's usually really, um, hopping in here.
Yeah, I bet.
Come on. I'll show you around.
Look at that. [ Laughs ]
It's great.
I guess life is full of surprises,
No matter what age you are.
I didn't know you knew anything about furniture, Dad.
I don't.
But I'm ready to learn.
We got a great crew here.
What about Norcom?
Figured your mom was right.
It's time to take a chance.
Norcom was killing me.
So I left.
What'd they say?
They said, "goodbye."
Dad, aren't you scared?
Nah.
Yeah.
[ Chuckles ]
Come on.
I want to show you where my office will be.
That afternoon, Dad and I took the tour.
- See this? - We talked furniture.
We talked life.
We made plans.
Sealed test book.
And the next morning, at 8:00 A.M.,
78 students gathered in the McKinley cafeteria
To take what was supposed to be
The most important test of their lives.
Do not break the seal until I tell you to do so.
Everyone had a different way of coping that day.
You'll have three hours...
Some were more effective than others.
There are five sections.
[ Tapping ]
The time allotted for each section will be announced...
But for all the risks and choices,
I was one step ahead of them.
When you have finished a section,
Do not... I repeat... do not turn ahead.
You may now open your pamphlets.
After all, I knew that this was just one test
In thousands I'd be taking in my life.
None of them final.
None of them irrevocable.
And the way I saw it, maybe life was a risk.
But this time, I was ready.