[ Joe Cocker's "With a Little Help From My Friends" plays ]
♪ Baby ♪
♪ High with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ♪
♪ Try with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ Oh, oh, I'm gonna keep on tryin' ♪
♪ Get by with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ I'm gonna keep on tryin', now, babe ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
[ School bell rings ]
And so I figured,
Since the program was about Indians,
That I should watch it,
E-even though it meant skippin' the homework.
Teen logic...
At 16, it was a tool we used with abandon.
'cause remember...
You said there'd be Indian stuff on the test.
And at what point did you realize
"Kojak" was not an Indian name?
Um...
[ school bell rings ]
And this logic came in all shapes and sizes.
I don't care who he takes.
Who wants a steady boyfriend, anyway?
We used it to help us through life's tough moments.
I mean, all that making out just gets your hair all sweaty!
So, what's the big deal?
It helped explain our behavioral oddities.
If they don't want a few laughs,
Then they shouldn't hand out frogs in biology.
But never was our logic more useful
Than when it lent credence to a really hot rumor.
This is totally ridiculous, chuck.
I swear to god, it's true.
I'm sorry... the Rolling Stones do not come
Within 300 miles of this town.
It was a dull week in the winter of '73,
So the rumor had spread like wildfire.
I'm tellin' ya... Friday night,
The Stones are gonna be at a place called Joe's
Out on highway 9.
Right.
By junior year, I'd been down the old rumor trail
One too many times.
There's no way. Paul, tell him.
It's a zillion to 1. It's not gonna happen.
I rest my case.
Maybe I was a little tough on the guy,
But it was so clear to anyone
With even a semblance of intelligence.
Hey, you guys hear about the stones?
Unfortunately, a semblance of intelligence
Was in short supply.
I don't want to hear it.
Okay, I'm sorry. I lost my mind.
Fine.
It's just, I-i heard that for a while,
This Joe was like the sixth Rolling Stone, you know?
Great... insanity had taken over my school...
[ siren wails ]
And the law had taken over vine street.
Oh, man.
[ Siren fades ]
Why don't you plead insanity, Kev?
Shut up.
May I see your license, please?
Of course, a situation like this required I reach back
For a little of my own teen logic.
You realize that it's impossible
To go the speed limit on this street?
Is that a fact?
Okay...
Here's the thing...
Grades are really important to me.
So I was really trying to get home...
To study.
Because... I know that...
A lot of criminals got bad grades in school.
S-so that if... Kids got better grades...
By studying hard, then there would be less...
Criminals around.
Wow. Yeah.
But when it came to logic, some guys had the knack...
You must make your parents proud.
And some guys had the ticket.
Have a nice day.
All of which added up to one thing.
You had me sold.
Somehow, I was gonna have to explain this to...
It was great!
My Dad.
This guy, Zeke, comes in with a cowboy hat, a string tie,
And he tells me he needs a truckload of furniture.
[ Chuckles ] that's wonderful, honey.
It was our biggest order yet!
Still, that night,
The furniture gods were smiling on me.
Dad?
Yeah.
Yep, this was gonna be a piece of cake.
You know that... S-stretch of road
On vine street?
- Mm-hmm. - Well...
I was driving there this afternoon, and...
You know, now it's like the guy wants to be my best friend.
[ Chuckling ] I know. His wife called this morning.
- She did? - Mm-hmm.
They want to take us dancing tomorrow night.
Oh.
Square dancing.
What?
Uh-oh.
[ chortles ]
Square dancing?! [ laughs ]
[ Utensil clanks ]
Forget it. We're not goin'.
Suddenly, I watched his mood change
Faster than you could say "Sons of the Pioneers."
Are you sure, honey? It might be good for business.
Oh, brother.
[ Wayne clapping ]
♪ Grab your partner, do-si-do ♪
Sorry.
[ Humming ]
What are you lookin' at?
Nothing.
Now, I may have been a criminal,
But I wasn't stupid enough to try my luck right then.
Nothing at all.
It just wouldn't be logical.
Speaking of which...
Absolute confirmation.
All right, Gary Zerwinski's sister...
She's a stewardess, right?
She met Keith Richards on a flight to New York last year.
Ooh!
Yeah, so? So?
I don't believe this.
Anyways, they got to new York,
They had a couple drinks... plural...
And now the stones are back in the U.S. Of a.,
And who does Keith Richards want to see?
Shirley...
Zerwinski.
Voilà!
I'd had enough.
I was the lone bastion of reason.
What?!
You people are all crazy.
Kevin, what's your problem?
Huh?
I mean, what if it could happen?
And what if we could be a part of it?
Now, keep in mind, this was my best girl,
My one true love.
Think of it, Kevin.
A night we could share with each other
For the rest of our lives,
And maybe someday tell our children about.
Children?
So, when she spun her dreams about magical nights
And miracles and children...
I could never risk missing something like that.
What else could I say to those big brown eyes,
Except...
Who's paying for gas?
- All right! - What the heck?
There was a certain logic to this whole thing.
And what did I have to lose?
[ knock on door ]
Kevin? Is this yours?
Except my life.
It went through the wash, and I...
Honey, could you, uh...
Oh.
Oh, what's this?
It's... Nothing.
It's...
It's a speeding ticket. Is this yours?
Ii don't think so.
It's got your name on it.
Oh, yeah. That... that's mine.
You want to tell me about it?
Nope.
Well... Dad, you know vine street?
Everyone speeds there.
I don't.
Stay out of it, Wayne.
[ Chortling ]
So, what happened?
It's just... Some tickets are really unfair.
Yeah. I know they are.
So how fast were you goin'?
Well, that's the thing.
That cop didn't even have a radar.
He just... Guessed!
Come on, Kev. How fast?
I figured, this was my father.
He'd been in a few scrapes in his life.
He'd understand.
Just... Tell me the truth.
And even though logic screamed at me not to...
50 tops.
I went with the facts.
50?!
In a 30-mile zone?!
You're grounded!
I may have miscalculated.
Dad, can we at least talk about this?
I don't want to talk about it.
- But... - I don't want to hear about it.
Dad, I have to go out tonight.
Why?
I knew I had to capture the magic the way Winnie had.
This wasn't about one little night out.
It was about our dreams, our children.
The Rolling Stones are playing at some dive called Joe's.
Hmmm.
And if that stirring tribute wasn't enough...
[ car horn plays "Dixie" ]
What was that?
Hey, you, Arnold! Get on out here!
[ Chuckling ] whoa, Dad, uh...
Roy and dale are here. [ chortles ]
Great.
- So, uh... - [ Sighs ]
Dad, what do you say?
Kevin, I'm going square dancing,
And when I get home, that car of yours
Better not have moved one inch off its oil spot.
And somehow, I knew the man meant every single word.
He even said it in sign language.
Well... See ya, scrum.
Have fun. [ Chortles ]
[ Door closes ]
Right.
And there wasn't anything more I could say, except...
Hello. Mrs. Cooper?
Is Winnie there?
I had no choice. I would have to cancel.
And that's when I discovered a catastrophe in the making,
An event of monumental significance,
A potential disaster
That could alter the course of the universe.
And the reason was...
We're out of milk.
We were out of milk.
But it wasn't just that we were out of milk.
If my Dad got up the next morning
And couldn't have his cereal...
Things like this didn't just happen.
Kevin?
There were forces at work here.
Hello?
Forces that demanded I go out and...
Kevin?!
Winnie? I'll pick you up in 10 minutes.
[ Engine turns over ]
Okay, I'd get the milk afterwards.
That way, it would be fresher.
Hey, it wasn't like I was defying my father.
He needed the milk for his morning cereal.
And even if it was stretching teenage logic
To its maximum...
[ brakes squeal ]
He had specifically said not to move my car.
And so that night, in a semi-stolen car,
We were en route to the experience of a lifetime...
Me, my girl, and Larry, Moe, and curly.
Hey, you want some?
Hey, no food in the car!
This isn't food! Here.
Thanks. [ Horns honking ]
Whoops. [ Laughs ]
Oh, man. Nice move.
Hey, come on, Kevin. Lighten up, man.
Yeah, I mean, it's not like it's your car anyway.
Great... I was growing concerned
For my father's car,
And my friends were turning it into a cheap motel.
Where is this place, anyway?
Just outside of Hinckley.
Hinckley? Well, that's an hour away.
Well, there's no way I'm driving to Hinckley.
Well, what did you expect, Kev?
The Rolling Stones are gonna come to your door?
[ laughter ]
No, Paul, I didn't expect them to come at all. Remember?
Fine... you try to maintain some kind of maturity,
And you're suddenly the bad guy.
Geez. What a downer.
Okay. We'll go to Hinckley.
[ laughter ]
After all, I was in this deep.
So, 47 miles, 3 pit stops,
And any number of squashed raisinets later,
We arrived at...
Here it is... "Joe's place."
[ owl hooting ]
Just one little problem.
The who?
Not the Who... the Rolling Stones.
[ Slow-tempo country music playing ]
Hey, Joe.
Hmm?
You got the Rolling Stones comin' here?
The who?
I reckon not.
And, faced with the first disappointment
Of the evening... [ Exhales sharply ]
We did what red-blooded teenagers did best.
You mean we drove over an hour...
And there's no Rolling Stones?
We turned on each other.
Well, don't look at me. It's not my fault.
And then we passed the buck.
What? It's not mine, either.
And we pointed fingers.
No way! It was chuck!
Hey, look at this! There are a whole mess of "Joe's"!
Hey, you!
That's my yellow pages!
Whoops. Uh, yeah, let's hit it.
Yeah. Come on.
Bye!
Come back here!
Come on! Gun it!
And with that, we were once again off on our mission.
[ siren wailing ] only this time...
We had company.
[ siren continues ]
[ Amplified ] pull your vehicle to the side of the road!
- I don't believe this! - Now!
Holy cow.
It was almost ironic.
We had traveled halfway across the world
To get busted for stealing page 219
Of the bell telephone book.
Kind of a Jackrabbit start there, wasn't it, pal?
Uh, uh...
No, sir.
I-I mean... Yes, sir.
May I see your driver's license, please?
And no amount of logic was gonna get me out of this one.
[ mooing ]
I was stuck... dead.
[ sighs ]
Officer?
I can explain.
Until...
This is all my fault.
Kevin is the best driver we know.
And he was gonna stay home tonight,
But he knew that if he did,
We may have gotten rides to...
Go see my grandmother in the hospital
With someone who isn't a very good driver at all.
And I know he was afraid
That we might end up in some terrible crash...
Or worse, and...
That he might spend the rest of his life
Wondering what might have been if only... He had been driving.
It was the most obviously transparent,
Clumsy piece of teen logic
I had ever heard in my entire life.
Okay, I understand.
You drive careful, son.
And he bought it.
Yes, sir.
And take care of this young lady.
And you... say hi to your grandma.
It was incredible. It was unbelievable.
It was impossible.
[ laughs ]
And suddenly, it was clear...
That this night was special.
It was a matter of destiny.
Something magical was awaiting us.
And as we went from Smokey Joe's
To Billy Joe's to Joe Joe's to ho Joe's,
We never gave up.
Because it all boiled down to one thing...
The Rolling Stones...
I knew it!
I knew it.
Would be at Wally's.
And we'd found it. It was amazing.
- Our very own... - This is it!
Woodstock.
This is unbelievable.
I told you, Kevin. I told you.
Yeah.
Each of us knew every moment of our youth would be defined
By its relationship in time to this one.
It was our moment, and we were there.
[ crowd chanting "mick!" ]
There he is!
[ Chanting continues ]
Who is that?
And, of course, it wasn't mick.
It was wally...
Now, listen, you kids! This is the last time I'm gonna tell ya!
And his bullhorn.
The Rolling Stones ain't here, and they ain't gonna be here!
[ Crowd groans ]
And wally let us know, in no uncertain terms,
That the crowning event of our youth...
The only people gonna be here is the police!
Was a bust.
Kevin, I'm really sorry.
[ Chuckles ] nah, forget about it.
What the heck.
This wasn't the time for "I told you sos"
Or rubbing it in.
No, you were the only one who knew
How ridiculous we sounded.
Ah, come on.
I mean, we came here, we had a good time.
What more could you ask?
Right, guys?
It felt pretty good.
I was generous. [ engine turns over ]
I was nonchalant.
[ tires screech ] I was...
[ crash ]
An idiot!
Suddenly, my goodwill ebbed.
Now look what you made me do!
Hey!We weren't driving.
And I no longer felt generous.
No!I was driving.
And you know why?
I felt rage.
Because I'm crazy!
I knew the Rolling Stones would never show up!
[ Hubcap rattles ]
I was really mad.
And my foot hurt a lot.
On the way home,
Everyone was feeling pretty rotten,
Lost in their own thoughts about missed opportunities.
Me? I just had one thought.
While the rest of the world would go on to college,
Have careers, jobs, families, a life of their own...
I would be spending the rest of the '70s...
Grounded.
[ sighs ]
Face it... I was a young man without a future.
And not only that, I'd even forgotten the milk.
[ car horn plays "Dixie" ]
[ Keys clatter ]
My fate hung on my Dad's rear end.
And as soon as he saw it, no story, no tale,
No ocean of logic was going to help.
Nothing would save me now.
Whoa! [ Hubcap rattles ]
Except...
Is everybody okay?
Holy cow!
[ Dog barking in distance ]
I couldn't believe it.
It was nothing but a mass of broken metal
And busted bolts.
Boy, I did it this time.
Guess I'm just gonna have to learn to stop spinnin' yarns
When I'm supposed to be applying brake.
Yeah.
In one clumsy move, the cowboy had given me back my life.
I bet she's... Your pride and joy, too.
Yeah.
And, of course, there was only one appropriate thing to say.
Sorry, Dad.
Yeah.
I'll tell ya what.
I'm gonna make this up to ya, western-style.
Our place up north
Is in sorrowful need of furnishin' right now.
And we'll take all the furniture you can make.
Uh...
What's a little bumper between friends, huh?
[ Chuckles ]
And just like that...
I'm glad you feel that way about it.
Ah, sure.
Now, about that furniture...
My father's heartache turned into profit.
But the truth was, it wasn't all this guy's fault.
And somehow I couldn't help but feel a little guilty.
You know, I feel a little guilty.
[ Chuckles softly ]
Why?
Well, it's just that
I know that some of that damage was already there.
Uh-oh.
You do?
Yeah.
I ran into the wall of the market yesterday.
And that's when I realized
There's all kinds of logic in this world.
Why didn't you say anything?
I don't know.
I...Guess I just thought nobody would notice.
Norma, we're fixin' to leave now.
We had a wonderful time, Betty Lynn.
And a lot of it doesn't make any sense.
That night, moved by the forces of teen logic,
I'd stolen my Dad's car, had a run-in with the police,
A fight with my friends, and an accident.
All in all, it was a great evening.
Even if there were no Rolling Stones.
[ feedback ]
Man: [ British accent ] hey, Joe?
Could I get some more volume?
[ The Rolling Stones' "Brown Sugar" plays ]