This programme contains strong language
It was 7 o'clock when they came for me.
# I woke up this morning feeling fine... #
Cherie was putting the children to bed
and I was upstairs signing another pile of my memoirs
little realising that a new and final chapter was about to begin.
Darling. Say good night, children.
Good night, Daddy.
Good night my little Chancellor!
Good night you. My Leader of the Opposition!
Daddy. Who's Saddam?
Saddam? Saddam is a very bad man
who lives a long way from here and one day...
KNOCK AT THE DOOR
Who's that at this time?
I don't know.
KNOCK AT THE DOOR
I'll go and answer it.
Good evening. Sir.
Are you Tony Charles Lynton Blair?
Yes.
I've a warrant for your arrest, Sir.
The charge is murder.
No heck.
We'd like you to accompany us to Scotland Yard. Prime Minister.
If that's fine with you?
Ah. Right...
Well. I'll just go and get my hat and coat if that's all right?
Go with him. Sergeant.
Oh. Thank you.
I'm a big fan of yours. Tony.
Tony. What's the matter?
I've got to get out of here.
What are you talking about?
Look. It's no big deal. OK? I've been charged with murder.
Have you gone stark raving mad?
Mummy. What's wrong?
Children. Get back to bed.
Tony. Talk to me. What have you done?
I've rved my country. That's what I've done.
Right, break down the door.
Why do you keep locking this. For God's sake?
We've got snipers on the roof!
It's a health and safety precaution for the children.
Oh fuck health and safety!
Don't be a fool. Blair.
Calling all cars. Murder suspect's name is Tony Blair.
White. Middle-aged. Middle-class
5ft 10in. Sandy grey hair.
In a few brief moments my life had been turned upside-down.
I'd gone from hero to zero.
Probably the first Labour Prime Minister to be on the run from the law. Crikey.
# Keep you mind on your drivin'
# Keep your hands on the wheel
# Keep your eyes on the road ahead
# We're havin' fun sittin' in the back at
# Kissin' and a'huggin with Fred. #
Ladies and gentlemen. Professor Predictor will tell you the future.
He predicted the abdication of the King
and the death of the film star. James Dean.
APPLAUSE
Yes. Madam. Your question. Plea?
Will The Beatles still be number one in 50 years' time?
No.
The Beatles will not exist.
But Paul McCartney will marry a woman with one leg.
LAUGHTER
Rubbish. Pull the other one!
OK. Yes, my lovely, you?
What do the letters WMD stand for?
The letters WMD stand for weapons of mass destruction.
Next question. Plea?
Where are the weapons?
And are they being hidden in Iraq?
Erm. I don't know.
I thought you knew everything!
There are no weapons of mass destruction.
It's all one big...
GUNSHOT
That's him. That's the murderer!
#When it's spring again.
Here. Tony. Follow me.
# I'll bring again tulips from Amsterdam... #
Wow. Thanks, Babs.
Here. You got the filth after you?
What have you been up to you naughty boy?
I didn't do it, OK?
At least not in the way they thought I did.
Let's be clear on this. Babs...
Oh. Blimey. What did you do that for?
I saw it in a film. Works every time!
Oh shit, I'd better go. Thanks. Babs. Missing you already.
It felt like the whole world was against me apart from Barbara Windsor of course.
I had to hide but where?
Hey. Is that Melvyn Bragg? It's Tony Blair.
I'm just outside your hou.
Yes. I gave you a life peerage...
Hello? Hello?
Lord Bragg?
Peter!
Peter Mandelson was the one person who never let me down -
the architect of New Labour.
He was the one man who'd kept the faith
and agreed with everything I said.
Peter? Peter. You there?
Peter. It's Tony. You've got to let me in.
Plea. Peter. It's urgent, I'm being hounded by the police.
Help me.
Peter!
Right, you. Get your hands up.
Who are you?
I'm Peter Mandelson.
Yes. Well I'm Inspector Hutton. Scotland Yard.
I think it's time you and I had a little chat.
I stayed hidden for hours that night behind the Rirz Hotel
watching the immigrant workers below me toiling away in the heat
and steam of the kitchens.
They couldn't know that just yards away was the very man who had
cured them a minimum wage of £5.60 an hour.
# Although I love you so
# Oh you don't know You don't just how I feel... #
Walking the streets that night, I thought of all the people who had supported me in the past.
Like when it came to Afghanistan.
Tony. I've got the Kremlin on the line.
Oh. Hi. Is that President Putin?
Yes. Hi. It's Tony Blair.
Yes. Listen. You don't have a problem
if we invade Afghanistan. Do you?
(LAUGHTER)
Sorry. Did you get that?
I'm putting you on speaker phone. Tony.
My Politburo would like to hear your question again.
No problem.
Hi. Guys. You don't mind if we invade Afghanistan. Do you?
LAUGHTER
You know. As I lay on a bench in Kensington Gardens
that night I thought of all the good things that God had told me to do
and that all the sacrifices others had made were somehow worth it.
But hey. In the end. Only God and history can judge me.
Mandelson 456140.
Put your shoelaces back on and come with me.
OK. I'll tell you everything. Everything you want to know.
Right, then.
Let's go back to the beginning.
Let's go back to the night that John Smith died.
Oh. Well I can certainly tell you all about that.
They were all there that night at The Savoy -
Gordon. Tony. Alastair. Robin Cook.
It's not been easy at times but if we all stick together.
We'll all soldier on.
I would like to propo a toast to the new leader of the next
Labour Government, John Smith.
John Smith!
John Smith.
APPLAUSE
Thank you. Robin. For such kind words.
Erm. As you can probably...
Peter. If John dies. I'll be leader. Not Gordon.
I think somehow this will happen.
What do you mean if John dies?
Look. Don't cross me over this.
This is mine. I know it.
I'll take it.
Blair actually said that?
Oh yes.
It's all in his book - page 63 chapter two.
I see.
Go on.
Then just after dinner. John Smith left the room to make a phone call.
Of course. I just kept saying to Tony. "John's a great leader".
That's all I kept saying over and over again.
Hey. Gordy. What's up?
You said we had a deal.
If John should die. It's me who becomes leader. Not you.
Well. Hey. Watch this space.
Moments later. The Labour Leader was dead.
And soon after that, Blair was on his way to Downing Street.
Sad. So sad.
The biggest Labour majority in its history...
The party elected today was his creation
forged as a way of making Labour electable after 18 years.
# What do you want if you don't want money
# What do you want if you don't want gold
# Say what you want... #
Can somebody help me?
# Wish you wanted my love baby
The washing machine's broke.
I'll take a look at it. Hello. Dear.
Here's my list of celebrities for our first media at home party:
Duran Duran. Peter Stringfellow.
Cilla Black. Jim Davidson.
Ronnie Corbett obviously and Michael Caine.
What? Darling. They're all Tories!
Well. You know there's no point in inviting a load of Socialists.
How many people have heard of Billy Bragg?
Tony. I'll take care of the guest list.
Oh great. Thank you. Sorry.
Things are going really well.
Blair in gun drama! Blair in gun drama!
Fugitive Blair on the run!
'After a cold. Wet night on that park bench.
'I thought it was time to get out of town.
'Ha. If only it was that easy!
'Being such hot news. This was one story I couldn't spin.
'It was all looking pretty hopeless.
'But I still had one or two cards up my sleeve.
Hi. Is that Bernie Ecclestone? It's Tony Blair.
You couldn't lend me a really fast car. Could you?
Preferably one without Durex written on the side.
Hello? Hello? Bernie?
# Once. Once upon a dream I met her
# Long ago. But somehow I can't forget her... #
White Hou?
Hello. Can I speak to George. Plea. It's Tony. It's urgent.
Sorry. Mr Bush is on a call. Can you hold?
Yeah.
'As I stood on that draughty station.
'I remembered that fateful night in Washington when I met George.
'I won't mince words - it was life-changing'.
Tony. Call for you.
Hello?
BUSH: Tony Blair?
Who is this. Plea?
There's a car waiting outside for you.
Be out there in ten conds.
ENGINE STARTS
What's going on? Where are you taking me?
Don't worry. Tony.
Everything's going to work out fine.
Mr Bush wants to e you for a little tete-a-tete.
You sure you got the right George Bush. The one with the cowboy boots?
Sit back and relax. Tony.
You do know who I am. Do you?
Yeah. Sure. You're that singer.
I'm the Tony Blair. I'm the British Prime Minister.
Haha! You're a funny guy. Tony.
I hear you guys drink a lot of tea. What is it with that?
You can't get no coffee over there?
No. I can drink both.
OK. Good with that.
Tony. My good friend. So nice of you to make it here.
So. You met my friend. Donny Rumsfeld?
Yeah. Hi. Everybody.
Everything all right, George? It's a bit unexpected.
Come sit down and relax. Give him a drink. Fellas.
Can I get you a cigar. Tony?
Not just now. I don't spoke much - well just social occasions.
Just smoke it you prick!
Yeah. OK.
Hey. I like you Tony. You're a nice guy.
I'm going to get straight to the crutch of the matter here.
(COUGHS)
Let me tell you something. Tony. I'm going to fuck Iraq.
Make no mistake. My friend. I'm going to fuck 'em big time.
I want you to be there to fuck them with me.
(COUGHS) Well. Shoulder-to-shoulder. Like Afghanistan.
No. No. That was crusade. Tony.
This is a whole new war. A different thing some place el.
You understand?
(COUGHS AND CHOKES)
You know. I'm really up for this war.
But, you know. Maybe it'd be good if we could think of a reason
why we want to fuck Iraq.
I could whack your fucking limey. Gay ass. You prick.
How's that for a reason?
Don't make me look like the bad guy. Tony. Right?
You got yourself a nice family. A nice business.
Don't cross me on this one. OK?
Now we pray.
Tony. Robin Cook's here.
What the hell is going on?!
We're already at war with the Taliban
and you want to make an unprovoked attack against Iraq?
What, are you insane?!
No. That's not a war. That's a crusade.
I mean this is a proper war with tanks and everything.
What?! Tony!
Yesterday. Two million people demonstrated in London
against this war!
What are you going to say to them?!
I don't know. How about fuck 'em?
You war crazy bastard!
You can't do this. It's illegal.
Parliament won't let you! Cabinet won't let you and neither will I!
Bye. Cookie. Iovely to e you.
INTERCOM BUZZES
SECRETARY: Tony, I have Silvio Berlusconi for you
Hi. Berli. You're up for this war. Aren't you?
You want a war?
MUSIC AND GIRLS LAUGHING DOWN THE PHONE
Even if you're not up for it say you are. OK?
Don't worry. Tony. I'll keep my mouth shut except for you know what.
Right. Thanks. Dude. Catch you in Tuscany.
That's one. Two. Three...
I'm sorry. Mr Bush is still on his call.
Will you tell George I need a plane or an aircraft carrier
to get me out of here.
To get me out of here. OK. I'll pass the message on.
Thank you.
There he is. There's Blair!
Blimey. Is that legal?
Oh. Sorry. Bit of a tight spot there.
And I saw it once in a film.
(SLURS) I know who you are. It's Tony Blair. I voted for you. Tony!
I'll never forget that night! # Things can only get better! #
Thank you. But I'm travelling incognito. So shush.
H'way. Tony. Let's hang them bankers from the lamppost, let's get them
workers out on strike.
You'll know if you read my book I'm not really a Socialist.
Can we talk about something el like do you keep racing pigeons?
Eh?
No. And I don't keep whippets either. You patronising bastard.
See that, Das Kapital. Karl Marx.
That's a book. Not 700 pages of your delusional lf...
'Oh. Just my luck - a drunken left-wing dinosaur
'who's probably got clau 4 tattooed on his back! '
'Who's probably got clau 4 tattooed on his back! ' Here he is. Everyone. Tony Blair!
Shut up!
Tory Blair more like. Tory Blair! Tory Blair!
Shut up. OK. Shut your drunken. Left-wing mouth!
Tory...
Sorry. Sisters. The tickets aren't valid. Not on a Friday.
Tory Blair!
Shut up. OK! Shut your mouth!
(CHOKES)
Come on. The workers! Long live the revolution!
Aargh!
'Of course it's sad when someone gives up their life to a cause.
'However misguided.
'But in the end. The decision I made to kill him.
'Was. I think. The right one.
'I jumped the train outside Trowbridge.
'A late Labour win in '92 when I was a promising MP and rising star.
'They were happy days indeed.
'Now. Here I was alone in Bristol.
'Probably the most misunderstood man in the world'.
Good morning. Mr Brown.
I was told I was moving in here today. Now in fact.
Not yet, Sir.
Not while you still suffer from psychological problems
and Tony Blair's still in charge. Good day. Sir.
Don't call me a psycho! Open up. You bastards!
Oh...
When will I ever be rid of this man?
'Five years ago. Cherie and I bought a flat just above here.
'But stupidly I've lost the keys'.
'And this was where I kept my first love when I was a student - Ava'.
Tony?
'Oh. Heck. Carole Caplin. Just what I didn't need back in my life'.
I was wondering whether you would show up here.
Just the car you want, is it?
Well. To be honest I didn't know you were here.
I thought Cherie had had you evicted.
Oh. She did. But I changed the locks.
Well. That shows spirit.
You're looking pretty fit, Tony. What you been up to?
Well. You know I still play tennis three times a week
and. Yeah. Your workout helps.
Are you keeping a straight back and breathing deeply... (INHALES)
...using your diaphragm. Like I showed you?
I hear you wrote a book. Do I feature?
Just a small mention.
It's more about what I did. Why I did it,
and why I was right to do it.
Humble as ever! Coffee?
I'll just have a high protein drink. Then I'll be on my way.
I've got a tin of Carnation milk - best I can do. I'm afraid.
So where you going to go?
I don't know. Just crash at a friend's pad.
What friends. Tony? You don't have any.
Yeah. I guess I'm a bit of a loner.
I remember that night we won the election.
As I climbed the steps to the podium I knew that I was alone.
There would be no more friendly team.
No more shared emotions among a band of intimates.
There would be them and there would be me.
Chapter one. Page 11 - it's a direct quote from my book.
SIRENS APPROACH
Christ, someone's called the police.
Oh yeah. I did when I heard you breaking in downstairs.
Oh. Shit!
How many more of the damn books are we going to get?
Bush's. Tony Blair's. Yours?
Who am I suppod to believe anyway?
Oh. I think you'll find my book. The Third Man
is the best value at £24.99.
Is that so. Squealer? What's that famous quote again?
"A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury. Signifying nothing."
Shakespeare. Sir. Macbeth. Act V Scene V?
Apparently Redgrave was voted best Macbeth.
Oh. I rather like Peter O'Toole's version.
Shut up. Both of you.
Right. Hans Blix and his men are scouring Iraq
to try to find Saddam Husin's weapons of mass destruction
and they found... nothing.
What was Blair's reaction?
GUITAR TWANGS DISCORDANTLY Look, we need a reason to go to war.
What's the reason? Come on.
I'm really up for this war.
(HE TUTS) Have I got to think of everything mylf?
I think I have an idea.
Tony? John Scarlett from Ml6 is here to e you.
Oh. Come in. John.
Did you get my message about finding
some weapons of mass destruction somewhere? Like Iraq?
Yes. Prime Minister. But so far. We've drawn a blank.
Oh. Come on. Have you looked in the palaces. Under the beds. In cupboards?
Yes. Sir. And as you'll e in my report there's... nothing there.
You know... you're really getting off-message here.
Can you not say there might be some there just to get me off the hook?
HarperCollins on the phone for you. Tony.
OK. What fucking prick wrote this dossier?
He did. Alastair. Sort him out, will you?
You? Come with me. You.
You overpaid fucking waste of space. What the fuck is this about?
When you wipe your arse in the morning...
Hi. Yeah. It's about my book deal. 800.000 words by Christmas? Sure. No probs.
Fucking shit. Now you go out and find them
and don't come back until you do find them. Now fuck off.
Tony. The washing machine's broken again.
It just goes straight to rin.
Look. Cherie. I'm not a plumber. I'm a... prime minister.
That's a pathetic excu.
Is it? Why?
Oh. For fuck's sake. Cherie. Put a sock in it, will you? Leave the poor fucker alone.
Oh. Shut up. You little man.
What are you smirking at?
I think I've found an Iraqi missile site.
Looks like a brewery to me.
OK...
How does that look now?
A top cret brewery. Perfect. I'll nd that to Colin Powell.
Alastair. Puffin Books on the phone.
The rest goes to charity? Sounds like a win-win to me.
PHONE HANGS UP
Tony. What are we going to do about Robin Cook?
He's threatening to resign.
SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYS
Um... Oh. You know... Look. I'll... take care of Robin.
I'll... take him for a friendly walk in the Highlands.
Mind how you go. Cooky. The rocks are very slippery.
(PANTING)
Oh. Another one of your lies. I expect.
Oh. Come on. Cheer up. Will you?
Do you expect me to be cheerful with you dragging us into another war?
Look. We're going in. OK? Get over it.
Do you know. I really want to punch you in the face.
I've been wanting to do this since Clau Four.
Calm down. Cooky.
Stop calling me Cooky. You little bastard.
Oh, thank you.
(HE SCREAMS)
Robin. Come back!
'That was the worst moment of my life. Eing my best friend. Robin.
'Lying there. Dead.
'But there would be time to weep later.
'Luckily for me. The Bristol police went to the wrong address
'and I got Ava started and hit the road.
'Once again. I was a lonely fugitive on the run.'
# ADAM FAITH: Poor Me
(RADIO) 'The hunt for Tony Blair continues with an unconfirmed report
'that he's been en driving a blue Ford Anglia.
'Police are advising not to approach the ex-prime minister
'as he could be armed and a danger to the publiC,'
Don't be so hysterical. Bloody media.
What do they mean. "Danger to the publiC"?
BRAKES SCREECH
SOUND OF COLLISION
(POLICEMAN) Argh!
Oh. Shit. I killed again.
'Yet again. Another unavoidable death.
'But hey. Shit happens.'
# Maybe you might fall for me... #
# D: REAM: Things Can Only Get Better
RADIO DETUNES
HITCHCOCK-STYLE CHASE MUSIC
BRAKES SCREECH
POLICE BELL
'Suddenly I was on a road that was strangely familiar.
'I knew I'd been here before.'
'Right here was the one person in the world
'I didn't want to call on for help... but I had no choice.'
Sorry. Sir. Blair's killed again. This time on the A4.
Oh. Dear God.
Surround the area. Shoot on sight.
DRAMATIC VIOLIN MUSIC
DOOR CREAKS
DISTANT FILM REEL PLAYS
REEL: 'May I say this.
'Where there is discord. May we bring harmony.
'Where there is error. May we bring truth.
'Where there is doubt, may we bring faith.
'Where there is despair. May we bring hope.'
APPLAUSE
REEL STOPS
Mrs Thatcher.
Cecil? Cecil Parkinson?
No. It's Tony. Tony Blair.
Oh. The pretty Tony Blair.
Come here. Come here where I can e you.
Come to Mummy.
Are you in a lot of trouble. Tony?
Well. You know... I might have made a few honest mistakes. But hey.
I think I can talk my way out of it.
It was always that blind faith in yourself that made you
so very appealing.
Well. Thank you.
Very much like mylf.
We're a unique brand. You and I. Tony.
Three terms each as Prime Minister.
I won my war. Of course.
You didn't, did you?
Well. Mine's actually a bigger war.
More tanks. More rockets. But it's looking good.
(CLEARS THROAT)
REEL RESUMES
'Oh. God. To think I ud to fantasi about her.'
Yeah. We had quite a lot of flag-wavers too. Actually.
'May we bring truth.'
'Well. It was time to split
'and leave this fading diva with her shaven monkey.'
They still love me. You know. They still need me.
Tho little people up there out the dark.
Which is why the mummy must return...
(SHE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS)
...to clear up the mess that the children have made while I was gone.
'You know. It was sad to e her so bonkers. But handy for me
'in the circumstances. At least she wouldn't turn me in.'
Excu me. Sir.
Madam would like you to join her for dinner.
And Tebbit, find him something nice to wear.
Not this shabby salesman look.
The last sighting of Blair is around here. Sir.
And then suddenly he disappears... just here.
Mm. All right, Mandelson. If you were Blair. Where would you be?
Tuscany. Florida or Barbados with Cliff Richard.
He's not on holiday. He's on the run.
Where would he be?
Oh. Yes...
Yes. Of course.
Of course. What?
General Pinochet hid out here when he too was on the run for mass murder.
Where. Damn it?!
Have you forgotten... the Iron Lady. Inspector?
THUNDERCLAP
SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC
What are you smiling at, Squealer? Things going your way. Are they?
I don't know what you're talking about, Inspector.
I think you know exactly what I'm talking about, Squealer.
You thought you could control Blair.
You thought you could contain him.
And then when you got left out in the cold.
You just couldn't stand it, could you?
And we all know what happened then. Don't we. Squealer?
You changed sides.
BIG BEN CHIMES
All right, how are we going about this?
What's in it for you?
A at in the Hou of Lords. Decent pension for me and Carlos...
All right.
I think Lady Thatcher would like to e you in something like this. Sir.
And whatever you do. Do not open that cupboard there!
OK. I admit it. I'm drinking too much.
But hey. I'm only human. And that's what people really like about me.
Dennis!
Oh. Fuck!
Wait here all day.
# Dreamin'
# I'm always dreamin'
# Dreamin' love will be mine... #
GUNSHOTS
# Searchin'. I'm always archin'...
Come on!
# Hopin' some day I'll find... #
Everything all right, Mr Brown? Eh? Who's that?
Your driver. Sir. I can't get this bloody gun to work. Phil.
It keeps missing.
It's all Mandy's fault. I mean. Iook!
Here sir... let me try.
# Keep right on dreamin'... #
Yeah. Sort of wish we hadn't banned foxhunting now.
It's a pretty cool look.
I wonder what The Guardian would say if they saw me toffed up like this?
Hey. Better not go there.
What kept you?
Maggie. I. Eh...
You look good.
Come here. Hunt master.
Did you know it was my birthday?
No. No. Sorry. I should have known.
Kiss me.
What?
Kiss me.
'The thought of kissing that lipstick made me want to turn mylf in.'
We've got him cornered. Sir. Good.
Be very gentle with Lady Thatcher. Don't forget, she's very frail.
Oh. You were incredible. Tony. You devoured me like an animal.
Yeah. You know I love women. I had a lot of them in the Cabinet.
I don't do women. I do war.
Now. Where were we?
BANGING ON DOOR
Oh thank God. It was the police.
Tony! Tony!
Tony!
No. No. Gentlemen. No one has been here.
And the Baroness will not receive anyone tonight.
I'm sorry sir. But we have a warrant to arch the hou.
SHEEP BLEAT
TYRES SCREECH
SIREN
SHEEP BLEAT
'Well. Here I was. Back in the city.
'Anonymous.
'Apart from my sackcloth toga.'
Oi! Come back here.
Oi. Come back!
Blair's been spotted in the West End. Sir.
Apparently he's dresd as Julius Caesar.
A bit of a lightweight for that part, I would have thought.
Enough of the Shakespeare. Squealer. Come with me.
I might need a snake charmer.
Gordon. I have some rather interesting news...
# When you come to the end of a lollipop... #
'I knew that I couldn't run around dresd like this all night. But where to go?
'The theatre!
'Of course!
'Everyone's dresd like an idiot in there.'
# When you come to the end of the lollipop... #
Yeah. Good show tonight.
# Plop. Goes your heart
# Plop. Goes your heart. #
Oh. My God.
It's you.
I knew this would happen.
I knew you'd turn up here.
You killed all tho people!
Um. Well. You know not all of them.
Murderer!
APPLAUSE
I expect you're going to kill me next.
Help me. Somebody!
Sh!
Murderer!
You're probably going to strangle me with my own tie.
Good idea.
APPLAUSE
(HE CHOKES)
'Obviously. One doesn't enjoy throttling light entertainment performers.
'Even if their material is weak.
'But, regrettably. In life. One has to make choices.
'Then. Decision made. You simply move on.'
Professor Predictor. The man who escaped his assassin's bullet
and predicted the winner of this year's Grand National.
CHAIR SQUEAKS
Dave. Where are you going?
You'd better go on.
What? Oh. Shit.
APPLAUSE
Blair's skulking here somewhere.
I can smell him. I swear.
Sarge.
Yes. Ma'am. Next question. Plea.
Will Tony Blair ever be brought to justice?
AUDIENCE GASPS
Well. Um. Clearly. Tony Blair will take his place in history
as one of the great world leaders of our time.
I'm sure if he were here today.
He'd proudly say he'd do it all again.
AUDIENCE GASPS
I'm only sorry... I mean. He's only sorry that he didn't invade more countries.
Like Iran and Pakistan. And Turkey. And...
Where's the bloody exit, then?
Er... that's a dead end. Sir.
Oh. God. I hate the theatre.
Oh. You obviously never saw Trevor Nunn's Coriolanus.
Will Gordon Brown ever be elected Prime Minister?
Ha! No. Absolutely not.
Gordon is clearly emotionally unhinged
And if I were him. I'd get out of politics and. Um.
You know. Sign up to an anger management course.
LAUGHTER
Rat-faced bastard.
APPLAUSE
I'm gonna blow his head off.
I hope.
(MAN IN AUDIENCE GROANS)
Professor Predictor. Are you able to predict your own death?
LAUGHTER
Look. You know. It's whatever God decides.
BANG
SCREAMING
'I thought I was doing really well till somebody took a pot shot at me.'
Oh shit.
Oh. Hey. Gordon. How's things?
You double-crossing bastard!
Typical Gordon.
Always in a strop.
Obviously something had upt him.
BULLET RICOCHETS
What the...
OH!
Got you.
Uh. Iook. Gordon. I've had a think.
I think you'll make a great prime minister.
You'll love it. The girls. The parties.
Power's a great aphrodisiaC,
I'd rather e you dead!
Gordon. Put the gun down.
Oh. Fuck!
SPLASH
What's happened. Inspector?
Blair's been shot in the arse.
Oh. God.
Terrible way to go.
You mean washed up in Deptford?
Terrible.
'Well. I guess this is it.
'And it's not all bad news.
'The thing is I know if I can get to heaven. Once there.
'I reckon I can talk my way in.
'And if I keep talking to the right people long enough. Who knows.
'With a bit of luck and if things go my way. I could end up as saint.
'St Tony.
'Wicked. Eh? '
# What a marvellous lie you told me
# In your arms. When you said you'd stay
# When you promid to have and hold me
# And to love and adore all the way... #
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd