Now, don't take this the wrong way, doc,
but we really don't seem to be getting anywhere
with this life coaching.
What? What are you...
What?
Sure we are.
You're making terrific progress.
How long has it been since you had any kind of...
9:30 this morning.
Oh.
Well, I greased out some guy
for parking his car like an idiot.
Can you not see where the parking meter is?
You're taking up two spots with your one car.
Ma'am, we're not parked.
We're in the middle of an arrest.
So you can't scootch up two feet?
It just seemed so self-centered,
and especially for a city employee.
Well, okay, but that doesn't mean that I'm not...
You know...
Progress is subjective and ethereal.
Who's to say, right?
If you quit seeing me now...
Whoa, I'm not quitting anything.
I just made up a list of some things
that I thought we could try to ramp things up a little bit.
Oh. Well, that's, that's great.
That's proactive.
I'd be happy to hear any kind of...
Shock treatments.
No.
Sensory deprivation.
Bloodletting.
Brain stapling.
Brain stapling?
Water boarding.
That's torture.
Something with lasers.
These seem extreme.
Well, the only thing left on my list is hypnosis.
That's less extreme.
Hypnosis is used to help people with weight loss,
and to quit smoking...
And you can make me quack like a duck.
I suppose in theory...
Hypnosis it is!
I was hoping you were going to pick that one,
because I already bought one of these.
You are getting very sleepy.
You will hypnotize Millie.
All right, fine.
Holy crap, it works!
Sync & corrections by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
When did you buy the aquarium?
I didn't.
It was a gift from one of our authors.
It's beautiful!
I didn't know you liked tropical fish.
I don't.
Really?
They swim around!
The colours, the sounds.
The little scuba man with the bubbles?
Bloop...Bloop...Bloop...
They cost money.
They waste time and energy.
You know what?
Let's grab a mug
and get rid of these little buggers right now.
No, no, wait!
I'll do it.
You'll kill them?
No!
I'll look after them.
It'll be no trouble at all.
All right, but if there's any problems,
whoosh!
Blub...Blub...Blub... Blub.
Of all the guys in the yellow pages,
this guy seemed the most professional.
Oh, I don't know.
The other ad had a guy
with lightning bolts coming out of his eyes.
Oh, man.
There's enough incense in here to choke a pope.
The incense aids in opening the third eye.
Hello, I'm Shazeen.
Sounds like a cleaning product.
♪ If you want your bathroom clean ♪
♪ call Shazeen! ♪.
We were just hoping
that you could maybe help Millie
with some beha- some beha-
got it. Some behavioral issues.
Plus if you can make me quack like a duck,
I'll make it worth your while.
What did you say about quacking?
Well, self-control
is the primary interest here.
Of course, if time permits,
a quacking experience
would not be out of the question.
Right, Millie?
Millie?
Huh?
What's wrong?
Nothing.
I believe that I can help you.
Now, then, I would like to begin
with clearing your mind of all thought.
I want you to focus on the pendulum.
What are you staring at?
If you must sneeze, please wait outside.
Sorry.
Now, then, Millie, keep your eyes on the pendulum.
I can't with that thing on your head!
Is it glued?
Stapled? Taped?
Does it stay on in the wind?
Does it spin when you're surprised?
Do you think you're fooling anyone?
Whoo!
Glad that's out.
Okay, where were we?
Pendulum. Right.
A Lagoona Maxima 500.
What's that doing here?
Joyce got it as a gift.
I got the 400 series at home.
Black light, skull castle, the whole shee-
whoa!
What are you doing?
Feeding the fish?
With goldfish food?
Really?
These are tropical fish, Anna.
Not wayward guppies you picked up
off some two-bit fish peddler.
So you know something about fish?
Do I know?
Do you see this?
I see your arm.
And your finger.
This is where the name of my first fish would be tattooed...
If I had gotten a tattoo.
Finnigan McCrackers. Finny for short.
I'm going out shopping for supplies.
Maybe you should come.
After what I've seen here today,
I don't think I have a choice.
People say fish are stupid,
but I remember one time when I came home
and I forgot to feed Finny,
the way he looked at me,
he knew.
Anyhoo, ozonator.
Uh, gravel vacuum.
Do we really need all this?
Excuse me?
One of your tanks here is set to 28 degrees.
Between 24 and 28 is fine.
That's right.
Between 24 and 28.
A thermometer...
Oh look...
One of the little scuba guys with the bubbles!
Anna. Please.
Oh, volcanic rock!
Focus.
I can focus.
If he'd told me to focus on his hairline,
I'd be paddling in a pond right now.
So what's next,
brain stapling or leeches?
Let's not give up on this too quickly.
If we can't find someone to do it,
we'll take the bull by the tail and do it ourselves.
Sminderson's learning annex offers a one-day workshop
in all things hypnotic.
Total control over another human being in 8 hours
or your money back.
Sounds legit.
Hello, guys.
Oh, hey, Anna, guess what!
Stan's going to hypnotize me.
What?
I'm going to take a course in hypnosis.
Get inside her head and tinker around a bit.
Hypnosis is nothing to tinker with.
Well, not really tinker.
It's more of a therapeutic type of a therapy.
You're messing with forces beyond your control, Stan.
Dark forces.
I think maybe "hypnotism"
means something different in Mexico.
Are you thinking of voodoo?
I don't want any part of this.
I didn't think about voodoo.
We should try that.
We should not try that.
What are you guys doing?
Hi, Joyce!
Look at our little guys.
We named all of them.
That'll just make things harder when they die.
That's little Anna 'cause she's feisty.
And there's little Jimmy, hiding behind the castle.
He's shy.
Finny Jr. looks just like his old man.
So which one is little Joyce?
We didn't name one "Joyce."
We didn't think you would want one.
Well, you were right. I don't.
They're just stupid fish.
I mean, they don't even know they have names.
Get back to work.
Hey, doc!
What are you doing here?
What do you mean?
This was your idea.
For me to come. Not you.
But you said we could do it ourselves.
By "ourselves" I meant myself.
Oh. I guess we should leave.
No. Uh, we guess we should leave?
If by "we" you mean "you."
I'm confused as hell.
Greetings and welcome to Svengali 101.
What the cripes?
Squirrel top!
Hi, Shamu!
I don't know if this is such a good idea.
You and this guy don't seem to see eye to eye.
Relax. It'll be fine.
The only thing you need to master
to be a hypnotist
is to be ...the hypnotist.
And to take the skunk off your head.
Anyone can be hypnotized,
with these
Drunks, children...
And mental defectives.
...defectives.
Will this be on the final exam?
It's a one-day course. There's no final exam.
Is there?
Hi, Joyce.
I've cleaned the tank, adjusted the PH,
and changed the filter on the pump.
And we all felt bad
that you didn't have a fish named after you,
so the big piece of coral is now "Mount Joyce."
Unnecessary.
Say hello to "little Joyce."
Doesn't it feel good
to be part of the group?
Sure.
So, what do we do now?
We watch them swim around.
All right, I'm done.
Let's go. I wanna get on the pond.
Don't rush me.
I gotta focus.
Make me a Mallard.
That's the one with the green head, right?
Oh! No, a wood duck.
Oh! Goose!
What is it with you and water fowl?
Dare I ask
how this is going?
Good. It's going good.
Great.
Really? Let's see the hand induction.
Okay.
Millie, I want you to imagine
that your right hand is a balloon.
Gotcha. Balloon.
What colour?
Helium or regular?
Oh, how about a balloon animal?
Giraffe!
Let's try the other hand.
Okay.
Okay, Millie,
I want you to imagine
your left hand is something heavy.
Like a loaf of bread.
Heavier.
Rye bread?
Bread isn't heavy.
It's Fluffy and puffy.
Now I'm hungry.
Snack time!
Oh, hey, what's hypnotism like in Mexico?
Is it like voodoo, kind of?
Sorry to interrupt,
but have you seen little Sheila?
Um, she might have gone down to the sandwich shop.
Not big Sheila. Little Sheila.
The fish?
Big Sheila looked everywhere,
even under Mount Joyce,
but she was nowhere to be found.
Does Sheila know you call her "big Sheila?"
I don't think she'd like it.
And while we're on it,
I'm not crazy about "Mount Joyce" either.
Where do you think she might have gone?
It's a fish!
If it's not in the tank,
try setting up a search grid
one foot around the tank.
Will do, big Joyce.
Don't call me that.
And sleep!
Oh... I thought I was gonna yawn.
Do you have any warm milk?
Yeah, I carry hot milk around with me...
We're falling behind. Let me show you how.
Dominant stance. Dominant hand.
Dominant eye!
Now you try.
Okay. All right.
I got the... stance,
I got my dominant hand here,
and dominant eye.
Not at me. At your subject.
Right, okay, right.
Oh...
Look into my...
It's "eyes," right?
First little Sheila, now little Jimmy.
This doesn't make any sense.
I just went to grab a cup of coffee,
and when I got back, he was gone.
It's all right, Jimmy.
We'll find them.
Maybe they're being kidnapped.
What's that about napping?
Someone's been stealing fish from the tank.
What?
Is Finny Jr. okay?
Oh, thank God.
I don't know what I'd do if...
Where did that fish come from?
How's little Joyce getting along
with her all her friends?
You've got to get that fish out of there right now.
She has as much right to be there
as these other fish.
She is a Carpathian Druid.
Your fish haven't been kidnapped.
Little Joyce has been eating them.
Oh, that's crazy.
They get along fine.
Look, they're playing tag.
Swim, Finny, swim!
Ugh!
Congratulations.
You are The Hypnotist.
Congratulations.
You are The Hypnotist.
Maybe we should combine brain stapling
with laser surgery.
Laser stapling!
Look at them all up there
getting their fancy certificates.
They're not that fancy.
He just photocopied them during the break.
This is the first Sminderson course
I've failed to complete.
I sailed through bookkeeping.
Top of my class in VCR repair.
Origami was tough, but by the end of the day,
the instructor said
my crane was second best in the class.
Why don't we give it another shot?
It's too late. It's over.
It's never over.
Now stand up and dominate me!
All right.
Dominant stance.
Dominant hand.
Dominant eye.
And... sleep.
Hey, I did it!
I did it!
I am the hypnotist!
I'll go warm up the photocopier.
How was the library?
Did you get any tropical fish books?
Indeed I did.
Come in, Millie.
Is she under your devil's spell?
She is responding to my suggestions, yes.
But it's for her own benefit.
When I snap my fingers,
you will place the books on the kitchen table.
I don't like all this finger snapping
and mind control.
You're paddling in Satan's pool.
But you should have seen her at the library.
She was well behaved,
there was no gum popping,
and not a single "shush" from the shush lady.
You mean librarian?
Tomato, potato.
When I snap my fingers,
you will awake feeling refreshed and relaxed.
Hey, Anna!
How do you feel?
Refreshed and relaxed.
My arms are a little sore, though.
And sleep!
See? No harm, no foul.
Still, you better keep an eye on her
while I go to the bathroom.
Whoo!
Sweet Georgia brown, my pipes are steaming!
You're not under Stan's power?
No. I'm just doing it to make him feel better.
It wasn't easy, though.
That shush lady is a real whisper Nazi.
Anyways, don't tell Stan I was faking.
I won't.
I'm just happy to hear
that he's not brunching at the dark lord's table.
You have a lot of devil metaphors.
Thank you.
We've separated little Joyce
from the rest of the group
to prevent any more murders.
She's not murdering.
It's just... nature.
She's naturing.
Tell that to little Anna.
Little Joyce chewed her fin off
before we could get her out of there.
Now she only swims in circles.
I don't see how this could be my fault.
There's no possible way that I could know
that little Joyce would eat the rest of the fish.
It's very territorial.
Whatever you do,
don't put it in a tank with other fish.
It will eat them.
Yeah, yeah...
Needs room, gets hungry.
Whatever.
We're going out to get some replacements
for all the little fellas
that have swum on to a better place.
Swum?
Look, don't bother.
I'm getting rid of the tank.
It's been trouble from the start.
Big Joyce and little Joyce make a perfect team.
We're holding a little memorial reception
in the board room later on.
It'd be really great if you didn't come.
Eleven...
Twelve...
That woman has more than 13 items!
I knew it!
Where does she get off?
Aw, nuts.
And sleep!
You will not be bothered
by the woman with more than 10 items.
I will not bothered
by the woman with more than 10 items...
Even though the sign clearly says 10 items or less.
Now, hold on, I think
the pudding cups are on sale.
You will not lose your mind
over the pudding cups.
With every word I say and every breath you take,
you are feeling peace and harmonium.
Peace and harmonium.
Also I think I have a coupon for the cheese wiggles.
Oh, for the love of lunch!
Is this how you get your jollies?
Sneaking three extra items through
the express Lane?
Sending the stockboys
scurrying over hell's half acre
so you can save four cents on a pudding cup?
And sleep.
I'm feeling peace and harmonicas.
You're not hypnotized.
I am in a deep state of mesmerized...
Ow! That's gonna bruise.
Hey... how was the funeral?
Like you care.
Look, I just want to say again
how sorry I am about little Joyce's regrettable
but unforeseeable actions.
So I got everybody a little fish in their very own bowl.
What are we supposed to do with these?
Anything you want.
Put them on your desk.
I can't fit that on my desk.
I don't even have a desk.
Look, you were the ones
that were so crazy about the fish,
so come up here and grab one
before they all become little Joyce's lunch.
You're welcome.
Sorry I wasn't really hypnotized.
It's just that you looked so discouraged,
big sad droopy face
just hanging there all sad and droopy.
And big.
I just wanted to make you feel better.
Well, I was discouraged.
That's the only thing I've ever failed at.
Well, that's not true.
But it's the stupidest thing I ever failed at.
So you failed at something stupid.
Doesn't that make you not stupid?
Hm.
May be some logic to that.
Joyce got me a goldfish.
Oh, that's nice.
He died on the way home.
Oh, that's not nice.
Well, this might cheer you up.
I stopped doing hypnosis.
Oh, finally decided to stop shining the devil's shoes?
What is it with you and hypnotism?
It was my high school graduation,
and a hypnotist was hired to entertain us.
I didn't want to go on stage, but my friends made me.
They said it would be fun.
They were wrong!
Dead wrong!
Oh no. You died.
No.
He made me cluck and walk like a chicken
in front of the entire class.
Yeah.
That's quite the horrifying tale of terror.
Not sure where Satan fits into the mix.
He turned you into a chicken?
Can he do a duck?
Do you remember the guy's name?
Do you have his number?
Millie, sleep.
You can't do that, remember?
Yeah, thought I'd try.
I mean,
it's not your fault you eat other fish to survive.
It's how you're made. I get that.
It's like me, I have to be tough 'cause I'm the boss.
You think anyone here gets that?
Hey, Joyce.
What?
Oh, hi, Taylor.
Thanks for doing this for me.
Yeah, I've got everything ready.
Little Joyce has a pretty sweet setup
over at Chez Rymes.
Yeah. Whatever.
Just get her out of my hair. That's all I care about.
You got the little scuba man?
She likes the scuba man.
Yeah.
Little scuba man's ready to go.
You sure you don't want to keep her?
Yeah, no.
Just get her out of here.
Stupid fish.
All right.
Hey, Taylor.
Yeah.
You can call her Finny Jr. Jr. If you want.
Thanks, Joyce.
But that's kind of stupid.
She's a girl.
This is nice, isn't it?
Yes.
See how bright and happy life can be when you're not locked
in the fiery embrace of the evil underlord?
I'm going to get that put on a t-shirt.
I don't understand what you find so fascinating about ducks.
Are you kidding me?
They're so... regal and full of grace.
And they float.
They're like tiny cruise ships.
Aw, and these were new shoes.
Which one of you dirty little...
Oh, get back here, you dirty little...
Which one of you did this?
Missy Grumpaloo loved to pretend.
One day she pretended she was a giant mindless robot
being controlled by an evil scientist.
Missy didn't want to attack the city,
but the scientist made her do it anyway.
That's how she knew he was evil.
Plus, good scientists
don't usually have a rat carcass on their head.
Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com