""
Sharon!
Look how cute she looks!
All sorts of cute
Yeah, go away
Why? We haven't done anything yet
Yeah, that's why I want you inside
See there's this guy who jogs by here every night, dark hair, nice smile?
Oh, do you know who I'm talking about?
Oh, oh, oh? no!
Well, we haven't actually spoken, but we have this incredible eye contact thing. Oh, great eyes
That's his name?
Great Eyes?
You're dating an Indian Chief?
Ooh, here he comes! Get, get, get, I don't want to be associated with you guys!
- Fine! - Yeah, be that way
Ah, God! I have got to get some female friends!
""
Alright Bill, what's with putting the chairs on the tables every night, I mean, is it just a restaurant thing or what?
It makes it easier for you guys to mop up, genius
We're supposed to mop?
Pete
Have you ever wondered where they manufacture these napkin dispensers?
- Never, Mr Bauer, not once - Greenbay, Wisconsin
Really?
Of course I'll tell you how I know
I used to live in Greenbay, while I played for Vince and the Packers,
On the frozen tundra of Lambofield
Oh, no. You got the classic sports channel
I say if we don't stop their running game, they're gonna pass on us all day
- I gotta blitz - Knock yourself out
Where the hell is my blocking?
- Hey Mr Bauer! Hey Berg! - Melissa, I now lead the Pizza Place in sacks
Yay Bauer!
- Hey sweetie! Oh, I am so nervous. I mean this is their first play, ya know? -Oh come on. It's gonna be great. Kindergarteners doing 'Hair', how can it miss?"
How much do I love you!
- Alright, I'm outta here - Yeah, me too.Bye Bill
Oh, hold on, we've got one more delivery
I have to meet Bernie and Fitz at the gym at nine. We're watching intermediate aerobics
Come on Berg, just go to the ten o'clock session
That's advanced aerobics
- Yeah, that's a good idea! - No, I don't think so!
- 845 Arlington - I'll do it
- Yeah, that's a good idea! - No, I don't think so!
- 845 Arlington - I'll do it
Pete, we're gonna be late
- Don't worry honey, I'll make it there in time for the show - Okay, you are being THIS wrong
What's with you and 845 Arlington?
Nothing
Oh, who are you kidding, huh? Every time 845 Arlington orders a pizza, you run out of here like you're dropping off a donor heart
What is this guy, some kind of big tipper?
- No - You know, you're gonna miss the Gingerbread Parade
While it's hot guys
-I'm on it. You kids have fun now. - Thanks.. You too.
- Oh and Melissa? - What's that Berg?
Boogy-oogy-oogy until you just can't boogy no more
Great! Come on
You know.. Bill.. Befor I....
Attaboy Berg, way to hold on to that pizza
- Pizza delivery - Pete? Come on in sweetie
Sweetie?
Don't I know you?
Wait till you see?oh, hi. You're not Pete
I can be Pete
I was Pete for Halloween one year
Where is he?
Ah, he had to go to a play with his girl?scout troop
He's very involved with the community
Pete's such a doll
Yep, yep, yep
Pete's the best
He really is
This is an interesting brush stroke.What do you use?
- My naked body - Really?
Because we need our apartment painted
Why use a brush when you have your toes, your thighs, your breasts
You paint with your?toes?
I find it connects me to the canvas
- I know it sounds crazy - No, no, not at all
I used to be quite the finger painter myself
I really should get back to work
Thanks for the pizza
You better watch it with these things
Or you'll need a bigger canvas
Oh my GOD!
You tell Pete I'm sorry I missed him
Oh I can't wait to tell him
You know the only reason I order from this place is to see him
- Bye - Bye
OH MY GOD!
But even taking into consideration the dysfunctional dynamic of Pete and Melissa's relationship. You know, on again, off again, on again..
- Do you think Pete would cheat on Melissa? - No, not at all
Will you stop thinking about Great Eyes! This is important
What makes you think Pete's cheating on Melissa?
He's been making like he's this good guy;
'No, I'll stay late and take last delivery'
Which usually happens to be 845 Arlington. But tonight, I made the delivery, and BOY you would not believe this woman
Well, wait, just because Pete brings her pizza doesn't mean he's delivering the sausage
I never want to forget that you said that
Hey there
Hey
How was the play? Oh good, good. It was a little odd seeing two six year old girls sing 'Black Boys are Delicious'
But overall, it was good, good.
Oh hey.. Did you take care of that delivery?
Delivery?
Umm, 845 Arlington?
- 845 Arlington, 845 Arlington? Oh yeah, yeah, YEAH. Went well - Great, great, great.Goog, good, good
Okay.Well, I'm beat, gonna head in
- Oh, hey Pete? - Yeah?
How do you scrape all that paint off your ass?
-See, damn it I knew you were gonna think that! - I can't believe you didn't tell me
- Pete, you filthy pig - No guys, it's not what you think
- Then why didn't you tell me about her? - Because of this very conversation, that's why. Look, it's completely platonic
There is no way you can be just friends with someone that hot
I mean it's physically impossible for a man to be platonic with a girl that sexy."
- Uh, hello! -What?
- You don't count! - Why not?
Because. Because you transcend sex
- Anyway, Isabella and I, we just? - Wait, wait, wait. Transcend sex? What does that mean, transcend sex?
- I don't know Sharon, it means you're Sharon - No, no, no, I know exactly what it means, it means that I am not hot, I repel men and I am sexless!
AAAH! No, no, no, wait! You're taking out of context!
-So what else? - What else what?
What else don't you tell me about this secret life you lead Peter, if that's even you real name!
- Alright, okay, cut it out - Hey, I tell you everything
Yeah, and I've asked you to stop!
Listen to me very carefully, okay? There is nothing between me and Isabella
- And besides, I'm with Melissa, right? - Right
Right
So then you wouldn't mind if I asked Isabella out
No of course not. Go for it. I just don't think you'd like her
Really? Why not?
You know, I gotta tell you, she's kind of a nut
Boy, I didn't get that at all
That's cause you only spent a few minutes with her, but once you get to know her, she's compulsive, possessive, delusional?
it's actually quite sad
Wow, that's funny. She only said really nice things about you
Really?
What did she say?
Well for one. She only orders from us so she can see you
- She said that? - Yep
- No kidding? - But if she's a nut?
Ah, total nut
- Then I guess I won't give her a call - I mean, it would be for the best
Then again.. sometimes, you feel like a nut
Forget about it Berg
Give me the phone Pete
I mean, you're my boy
I don't want to hurt you, you know it's good, but you're being crazy, ya know
Don't go.. Stay
Who is that?
Christopher Walken
Or actually it's me doing an impression of Bernie's impression of Christopher Walken
- It's terrible - Bernie's is terrible, mine's right on
Give me her number Berg
- You have a girlfriend - So?
So. The rules state that you can only protect one girl at a time, and right now you've got Melissa? You know, you're girlfriend
Melissa has nothing to do with this
Of course she doesn't. In fact for your anniversary, Isabella could paint Melissa's portrait with her right breast
Berg, what makes you think that Isabella's even into you?
Yeah, right
Look, there's only one way to solve this
The tribunal
-The tribunal. Get the robe - You think I won't?
Sharon! Come down. We need you
And be quick about it!
Hello?
How does that make you sound like a hooker?
Oh, by the way, it'll be me AND my buddy
She's on her way... Okay, help me understand this sick need of yours to ask out Isabella
Because she's perfect for me. She likes art, she likes pizza, she works NAKED!
Berg, forget it!
Oh, forget it, you know, I can't do that, no, it's no good, you know I want to, but the time? is past
It's just, it's not good! You know, I mean I know you think it sounds good, but?arrggh
What?
The tribunal
Oh my God! The robe!
Oh you remember graduation where I hid those beers around my waist like sticks of dynamite and we were all gonna go to that party?
Fine! Alright, opening statements
Look.I've known this woman for five months now and Berg thinks he can just waltz right in there and close the deal
I object! Close the deal?
I would like to apologise for his attitude towards women
Right. This coming from a guy with a VIP card at 'Topless, Topless, Topless'
They have an excellent wine list
Look, all I'm asking is that Berg stays away from Isabella
Peet.I believe precedent was set sophomore year in the case of Pete Dunville versus Berg and the Red Lobster girl
Now the rule is you can only protect one girl
I, ah, told him that Your Blondeness
See, do you think it's too light?
Alright, look, I love Melissa and everything's great right now, but, I mean, who knows, you know, things change, and what if things don't work out, then what?
What are you saying Pete? That this Isabella is your back-up girl?
Back-up girl? You make it sound so ugly
He's right. How about the girl I'm seeing behind my girlfriend's back!
- I'm not seeing her - Okay, okay, Pete come on
- You're panicking. You've hit the one year mark with Melissa, things are great and you're panicking - I'm not panicking, I'm planning
- Why can't guys just commit? - Here, here!
Shut up..
- You have never had a serious relationship in your life - Nor have I pretended to
- Alright, alright
Pete, if your heart is in the right place with Melissa, then Berg going out with Miss-Too-Sexy-Too-Be-Friends-With shouldn't bother you. As much as I hate to, I rule in favor of.. Berg
- What? - Sorry Pete, either commit, or get off the pot
-That's not fair - Hey, hey, hey. Her Legginess has ruled
Alright, last delivery. 845 Arlington
I'll do it
- No, that's okay, I've got it - What is wrong with you two?
Oh, you're lucky you didn't upset my cheese
- Deliver the damn pizza - See, Bill wants me to take it
Fine, go ahead
Really?
Be my guest
Okay
- Hey, how'd Melissa take it? - What?
Oh, I just assumed you ended it with her
Alright Berg, you win
I'm doing this for you AND Melissa
AND to get covered in paint
If it happens along the way, sure
Hey, Berg. She loves it when I bring over freshly grated parmesan
Really?.. Thank you.
Football is a lot like life
- Oh, Mr Bauer, I beg you - Pete
You've gotta tackle your fears head on.
What we do here, today, on this field will affect the way we live the rest of our lives!
- You know, Mr Bauer? - Yes
I do know Mr Bauer
- Tell him he's right - Now go get em!
- What happened? Where's Pete? - DELIVERY! Delivery?
Oh, I don't believe it!
'She loves freshly grated parmesan.' Moron! OH!"
Great to see you too Berg. Where's Pete?
He's on a delivery
Oh okay, I'll wait
He, uh, might be a while
Oh, it's alright. I'm gonna surprise him and take him to dinner because he was so cute at my play last night.
Oh, you should have seen him. He went backstage and asked all of my kids for their autographs Isnt that the best?
Well, that's our Pete
Yeah, that's my Pete
Oh, ah, Melissa.. You know.. I gotta go.. Delivery
Bye!
- Where's Pete? - Delivery
- Where's Berg? - Delivery
Why are two guys delivering one pizza, and why is the pizza still here? What the hell happened?
Come in
- You know you really shouldn't just leave the door open like that - Pete, I was expecting you! I'll be right down
Oh my God
-Hi - OH my GOD!
Pete, don't you just love candlelight?
I think about it constantly
The way it dances off the walls and makes everything look so beautiful and romantic
- Look, I can't do this. You're great, but I have a girlfriend. And? -Pete, I?
Ssshhhhhhh?
just let me explain
Her name's Melissa, and while I don't know if she's ultimately 'The One'
I do know that what we do today.. Here.. You know.. On this field
Affects the way we live the rest of our lives?and I don't want to be that kind of person. I'm sorry
- I don't understand. I? - Oh, I know, I know
- Pete! Pete, don't - Berg, what are you doing here?
Before you do anything stupid, thought completely understandable
- I have to apologise for forcing you into this situation and I? - No, no, no Berg
- It's okay. I told Isabella about Melissa - But I just?
Sssshhhhh?
And if you two wanna go for it, I'm not gonna stand in your way.
Look, this guy is the best, you two would be great for one another.
Do you like Christopher Walken?
Forget it Pete, it's not worth it
We've gotta remember the first rule, which is "No woman ever comes between us".
- Am I missing something? - Oh, look. I'm sorry. But this is just the way it's gonna have to be
I, ah, think you're gonna have to find yourself a new pizza place
Honey, who was that?
- That was just the pizza guys - Oh great, where's the pizza?
Ah, they didn't bring one
Move
Come on, further
- Hi - Hi
- I'm Jim - I'm Sharon
I see you out here a lot
Yeah, you never miss a day. Rain, wind, dark
Yeah, nothing can keep me from running
Really?
''Ahhhh''