Someone once told me,
the way to stay true is to surround yourself with good people.
But first, I had to go back to school.
♪ I was born into money ♪
♪ And sold down the river ♪
♪ I was choked by the jailer ♪
♪ And ... the gorilla ♪
♪ I ran through the country ♪
♪ Ahead of my time ♪
♪ I escaped through a keyhole ♪
♪ Before they erased me ♪
♪ I married the beetle ♪
♪ And learned to be graceful... ♪
It's hard to keep the vampire in check.
But if I'm going to try and live a normal life,
then I have to toe the line -
take school seriously for once and get some qualifications.
♪ All alone in this plastic jungle ♪
♪ Sometimes I wanna get slain ♪
♪ I wanna get slain ♪
♪ I wanna get slain I wanna get slain ♪
♪ I wanna get slain ♪
♪ I wanna get slain I wanna get slain ♪
♪ I wanna get la la la la la la la-la-la... ♪
I'm not chucking these brains away on a call centre.
Besides, how difficult can it be?
I may be 46, but I'm trapped in the body of a 16-year-old.
What I don't know about being a teenager isn't worth knowing.
Ahh.
First thing Monday, double maths.
What does Johnny Ball see in that stuff? "Think of a number!"
Think of THAT number.
Is he talking to us?
Is he even speaking English?
Oh, yeah. I'm Adam. How's it going?
Has anyone ever told you you're foxy?
Like Sam Fox.
Only... you know, not as developed.
But that could happen. That could come.
I mean, it depends where... where are you developmentally?
Are you... you know, have you...
are you pubic yet?
Have you hit that?
Shall I, er...?
Shall I just come back and do that again?
Is he a foreign exchange student or something?
Your mates are over there.
It's all right, it's all right.
It's what we do, we banter.
We're like Hale and Pace.
Note to self.
Observe... adapt... and...
What the hell are you doing?
Why are you staring at me like that?
Look, I don't want any trouble.
I'm trying to stay under the radar,
so you do your thing and I'll do mine.
What? I don't have a problem with it.
I've met people like you.
It's cool, but I came here to get away from that.
So keep a distance, yeah?
Wanker.
Who was that, anyway? The stuff he said, it's like he knew.
But that's impossible. Then again,
the whole "what's possible and what's impossible" thing
is under review right now. It's a bad dream, that's all.
Any minute now, I'll wake up and there won't be any scars
and I'll be into boys and ponies and bullshit again.
And as if I didn't have enough to deal with,
I'm now being stalked by a bouncy castle.
Have I developed a creep magnet, is that what happens here?
I swear, the one good thing about this school -
it makes me feel like less of a freak.
Bring on the day when I can leave this hole
and everyone in it for good.
Oh, will you just piss off and leave me alone?!
I beg your pardon, Christa?
Er, she was talking to me, sir.
We had a little to-do in the canteen earlier.
Then why was she facing me?
Good question.
Cos... she was turning into it to get more force. Kinda like....
Piss off!
Oh, yeah? Now there's two of you abusing me.
No, I was being her.
Christa, you used to be the brightest student in this school.
Now you're like all the other ASBOs-in-waiting.
Shit happens.
Indeed it does.
Detention.
Tonight, with Mr. Roe.
Er, she's sixth form... Both of you. So am I.
Shit happens.
And that earns you a whole week's detention.
I thought we were meant to be staying away from each other.
I was trying to help you keep a low profile.
If you get found out, I get found out.
That's not going to happen.
What are you talking about?
Christa and...
Adam.
In for... cheeking Mr. Swan.
Well, you're only human, I suppose.
Just get on with your homework.
Quietly.
We're not sitting together. I know.
Boom!
Oh, that's fantastic. My life is just one rollover week.
What?
I'm not sitting anywhere near that creep.
THIS creep?
You can see me? You need to work on the whole "discreet" thing.
It might help with the stalking.
But how can you see me?
You're not exactly hard to miss.
I think we know what happened to the missing kid.
What, he ate him?
Check the poster.
So you've been gone all this time and no-one noticed?
How unpopular are you?!
He's not un...
He's not JUST unpopular. He's dead.
That's me. Dead as a doorknob.
Yeah, but we're having a conversation.
The dead aren't usually so chatty.
This is how it works - he's a ghost, and we can see him cos I'm a vampire
and you're a werewolf. I'm not a were...
I'm not a werewolf.
OK, let's park this conversation for a while
and deal with Timothy Claypole.
Ghosts only linger when there's unfinished business. Get my drift?
Well, there's my A-levels. And I'm on season three of Lost.
I mean something unresolved about your death. What?
Matt, I think you were murdered.
Wow.
That's harsh.
Sorry.
Will... will it have been painful?
It'll have been... pretty intense, yeah.
We need to call the police.
In case they think he's a runaway.
We don't have any proof. We need to sort this ourselves.
"We"? Er, where's this "we" suddenly come from?
That's how it works.
We find who did it, and he passes on, out of our lives for ever.
Put it like that...
let's do it!
Is this what happens when the supernaturals get together?
We use us powers to solve crimes and stuff?
Like the X-Men.
The X-Men didn't congregate in a toilet.
Yeah, and I'm not supernatural.
You know, this whole denial thing is getting pretty old now.
So this is the last thing you remember?
You were crouched down in the toilet.
Were you throwing up?
I don't know.
I mean, all I'd had to eat were some Jammie Dodgers,
a sausage roll, a muffin,
some cheese straws, a bag of chips and an egg.
Just an egg? What, like a pickled egg?
No, an egg. An egg-egg.
Who eats just an egg?
An egg sandwich? No, just an egg.
What do you want from me? I'm an egg man. I like eggs.
This is getting us nowhere. So you COULD have been throwing up?
Please! You don't get a body like this being unable to handle food.
But I could've been hit, in the stomach.
I could have been nauseous.
Is there any clues down there?
We could check all this - it might tell us who's been here.
By the smell, every lad since the school first opened.
"Walshy's got a 12-incher"?
Yeah, that's not so unusual.
Isn't it? Anything else?
Oh, there's a good Scooby Doo.
Oh, and...
What?
Nothing.
"Mr. Swan's a knobhead"?
Not exactly breaking news.
This was a crap idea. Let's draw up the names of suspects.
Who hated you?
Right, well, you know Steve McKenna?
Yeah. Well, he didn't.
And we can rule out my parents. But everyone else did.
Did anyone especially hate you?
Well, you know Steve McKenna...
Yeah, we get the picture.
Danny!
Danny Curtis!
He bullied me.
He gave me six years of hell.
The names he used to call me!
"Fat Matt!"
"Hubba Blubba!" "Egg Man!"
"Eggs Eleven!"
Eggward Scissorhands?
Eggward and Mrs. Simpson? Eggward Woodward?
Egg Miliband.
Are you listing the insults?
No, I thought we were playing the egg game.
Anyway, Danny Curtis.
It must've been him. He must have killed me.
But to kill you? Not Danny.
Why not? He's a bully, but he's just some kid.
So were I.
And I want payback.
Are you walking with me?
Are you seriously walking through this school with me?
We're not worthy to walk with the Almighty!
We were wondering if you'd heard the latest.
You've gone insane and think I'm your mate?
You know Matt, the missing kid? Fat lad with a 'tache.
Yeah, he's got a 'tache in the poster, but he's not missing.
He's been murdered.
You're shitting me? Like you didn't know!
My uncle's a copper. Hardly anyone knows yet.
He undercover? About the murder.
Not here.
What you got? Just that they know it was a murder
and they're pretty sure they know who did it.
Guessing he wasn't stabbed, then.
They would've needed a big knife to get through all that blubber!
I had six years of this, and now I'm dead and I'm still the joke.
Apparently you used to take the piss out of him a lot.
What, his "eggsilency"?!
Look, I take the piss out of everyone. That's just how I roll.
This is my murder, we expose it my way.
The killer should give himself up right now.
You emos make me laugh. You're 17 and all you can think of is death.
You want to get laid more often.
What's that noise?
..E-R...
Ah...shit!
Is that supposed to spook me?
Smart-talk your way out of that one, Mr. Twat.
Wait... how... how are you doing that?
Nothing to do with us. Then who did?
♪ If your mansion house needs haunting... ♪
What's that, one of your weird emo bands? No, Rentaghost! Kids today!
No culture. Just make him confess!
What Adam's trying to say is that Matt's still here with us in spirit.
You came back to the school the night Matt died,
after everyone had gone.
You followed him into the bogs and killed him. No, I didn't!
Argh! What...?!
That's it - cower, like you made me.
Oh, no, what's happening? How are you doing that?
We're not doing anything. But tell us how you killed him
and I'm guessing it'll stop. Yeah, let's hear it.
You think I'd kill someone and walk around like nothing happened?!
Yeah. What do you think I am? A bully!
I'm sarcastic, what can I say?
It's a defence mechanism concealing a deep-rooted insecurity.
Liar! That sounded pretty convincing to me.
Ha! He's pissed himself!
Are you OK?
Never better.
I've been attacked by pasta and I'm soaked in my own piss!
Good! OK, here's the deal, Danny.
We won't tell anyone about your little... mishap
if you don't tell anyone what happened here.
I won't open my mouth if you don't.
Guilty conscience. You never believed it was him.
It could've been. He always had it in for me.
How many people are you going to line up, with us as your hit men?
How many people do you want revenge against? All of 'em!
You don't know what it's like to have no-one to talk to.
What about Steve McKenna?
You don't know what it's like to only have Steve McKenna to talk to.
He collects pencil sharpenings in a bag.
He's allergic to egg.
Do you know what?
I'm off the case.
No, Christa... Do you know what a vampire can do?
Do you know what she can do when the moon is full?
Either one of us could tear Danny, or anyone who crosses us, to shreds.
That's cool.
It's not cool, Matt. It's not cool.
Look, good luck with the whole Bergerac bit.
He's a detective, for...
I'm out.
They say they're the best days of your life.
What if they're the only days?
Cos this is it for me.
Never going to leave.
Never going to grow up.
I'm stuck like this.
An ugly duckling that'll never become a swan.
Like a fat, annoying Peter Pan.
This is the bit where you interrupt me and say I'm not that bad!
Look...
not even my parents know I were drowned.
Only you guys can help me.
There's only you guys that can even see me.
If you keep ignoring me, I don't know what I'll...
Whoa!
Wind it back. So you remember now that you were drowned?
What else are you hiding from us?
Honestly, it just came back to me. It's like...
It's like pieces of a jigsaw slotting into place.
If you help me find the other parts then maybe we can work it out.
OK.
So where's your body? What?
We find your body, you might be able to remember more.
Plus, you go from being missing to murdered
and people will finally take this all seriously.
So where is it?
I don't know.
After I died, it's... it's all a bit of a blur.
I remember running from the school,
shouting and screaming,
but people couldn't see me.
I ran through a few people and that were a bit weird.
When you die, don't do that.
And when I came back, my body had gone.
Have you worked out why you were in the toilet yet?
Yeah, I-I-I were bunking off games.
What, last thing on Friday?
No, the girls had games.
What?
How did you cut your arm?
Look at me, Adam.
I like The Horrors, I dress like this
and my parents don't understand me. You do the maths.
There. Friday afternoon - games. Seriously, Christa,
we both know how you got that scar on your arm.
And the rest.
What?
Nothing.
When did you see?
When did you see?!
See what?
I think I know exactly what he was doing that day,
don't I, Matt?
What is it? Some perv looking in through the grille!
That was you, wasn't it?
Leching at Brandy Mulligan.
Brandy Mulligan? Her with the face and...
Most people have got a face, Adam! Not like hers.
Fair enough, THAT I can understand.
Way to go, Matt.
OK.
I were looking at Brandy.
Happy now?
My big secret's out.
I like Brandy, but who doesn't?
So she ran after you and then what - you hid in the toilets?
Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have our new suspect.
Oh, come on!
Brandy? Be serious!
OK, people. Time to make like a tree.
What?
Go. It's time...
It's time to go.
Brandy Mulligan is a dick, but she's harmless.
Sir?
Brandy Mulligan?
Just between us, amigos - word to the wise -
her name wasn't originally Mulligan.
She took her mother's maiden name,
trying to conceal her real identity.
So what was it then, originally?
Crompton.
As in the Crompton family?
What does that mean?
Like the Krays, but less touchy-feely.
It means we need to have a little chat with Brandy Mulligan.
Once upon a time, there were a family called the Cromptons
and they did some very bad things.
What they actually did to begin with doesn't matter
because, as is often the way with these things,
their story soon took a life of its own.
Fact grew into rumour, rumour became urban myth,
urban myth became outright lie.
"You hear about the Cromptons?" people would say.
Their old man killed a gypsy with one punch.
The son sells drugs laced with rat poison.
The mum bit off a policeman's ear
and the daughter drowned this kid in a toilet."
Hey, Christa. Meeting a boy?
I'm surprised you weren't put off for life
by... what was he called again?
Yeah, I'm meeting a new kid - Adam.
Oh! Are you two an item?
Go on, tell me everything.
We're just mates.
Ask her about me! I was going to.
What? I was...
going to ask you, er, about the... missing kid,
you know the one on the posters?
Who? Matt something.
Fat lad.
I had other stuff going for me, you know.
I were really good at art and I could dislocate my shoulder.
Oh, yeah! The one with the eggs. What about him?
Noth... I just heard that he's dead.
That's awful!
Listen. And be honest.
Does the top go with the skirt?
I don't know why I'm asking you really.
You look like you've been covered in superglue
and dipped in a jumble sale, bless you!
Do you remember that time after games when someone
was looking at us through the wall? Yeah. What about it?
Just... I don't suppose you... found anything out there,
when you were looking?
I wasn't looking. I was leaving.
OK, but say if you had found someone, what would you have done?
I'm used to the attention.
What are you really doing here? Meeting a boy?
Somehow I don't think so, with that hair.
What's this about?
Hey, baby. Miss me?
Er, hello. Of course...baby.
Who's your friend?
This is Brandy.
Oh, yeah, I remember you!
The foreign exchange student.
Bye.
Brandy Crompton, isn't it?
What did you say?
I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?
That's your name, right? Crompton, as in the Crompton family?
My name is Mulligan
and it has been for quite some time now!
And who could blame you? We've heard the stories.
The stories.
Hmm, remind me.
Oh, you know, your nan the great train robber, your dad who ate the leopard.
Do you want to be in a story?
How do you think it would go?
Silly little schoolboy asked too many questions.
Never seen again.
Adam! He's, er, a knob.
Don't listen to him. We're just talking here.
It's just...
I heard a rumour about the boy who went missing -
that he liked looking at girls in changing rooms
and he got caught and got killed.
Wow! You two hear a lot of stories, don't you?
But if he was that perv...
death is too good for him.
I'd have ripped his head off and made him eat it.
Is that even possible?
What more do you need to hear? She's wrong in the head!
We have no evidence. The police'll just laugh at us.
No need to involve the police. What?
I thought you had a point when you set us on Danny.
We just picked the wrong target. Now we have the right one
and the ability to bring you some justice.
And you some blood. That isn't what it's about.
Handy though - a nice moral kill falls right in your lap.
I saw you looking at her, at her neck.
You can't just kill her!
What is this? You were happy to play judge and jury with Danny.
Now we've found the real murderer, you've grown a conscience.
Man up, for God's sake! This is the right thing to do.
I won't let you do this! Get out of my way!
I won't let you do this to her or yourself.
Get out of my way.
Adam, you know this is wrong!
It wasn't her!
She can't have done it.
I saw her leave. She chased me, but I saw her leave.
She can't have done it. Oh, shit!
For... Why did you let us go through that, let us believe it was her?
I'm embarrassed.
I thought if you kept thinking it were her then you wouldn't realise.
I weren't looking at her.
I were looking at you.
I always looked at you. Every class, I looked at you.
I've been looking at you for the past three years.
You didn't even know I existed.
"Even before I were invisible to the world...
...I were invisible to you.
But I could see you
and I used to marvel at the fact
that no-one else could see what I could see -
an angel walking amongst us.
♪ Doing the mess around ♪
♪ Push me down into the ground ♪
♪ Taste the hands that drink my body ♪
♪ Fight me in the dark ♪
♪ Wrestle your bones over mine... ♪
That was the last thing I ever did -
an anonymous declaration of love on a toilet wall.
The last thought I ever had was of you.
♪ ..Come, the wizard comes♪
♪ The wizard... ♪ I didn't even finish.
♪ ..Comes♪
♪ The wizard♪
♪ Comes♪
♪ The wizard♪
♪ Comes, comes♪
♪ Wants to feel you shake♪
♪ And shooting he will be our leader... ♪
The last thought I ever had was of you.
♪ ..And shooting he will be our leader... ♪
And now you know everything,
so do with my heart as you will.
Love, Matt."
I've just realised.
Now you've got a motive - killing your wobbly stalker.
How's Brandy? Still alive?
Not my type.
I didn't think you were such a fussy eater.
By the way, we need to break up.
What? Thanks to our Oscar-winning performance by the bins,
people think we're dating.
Oh, my God. This is a nightmare. I know, I know.
Big time. What I was thinking is a nice noisy public break-up -
shouting, screaming, you all, "I never loved you,"
me, "I faked an orgasm."
Well, problem solved. And to make it really convincing,
I could slap you again.
Like really hard.
Yeah...
or we could give the relationship another try.
No, I'm so over you.
Baby...
don't throw away the good times.
The sex was great.
I wonder why Mr. Roe was being bollocked.
I am not a caretaker. I'm a teacher.
I don't care what Mr. Swan says - I am NOT cleaning toilets.
Which toilets, sir? Huh?
Oh, the ones by the gym.
And not just clean them - bleach them!
Toilets, walls, floors.
Just another one of his perverse little power games.
Swan. That's a bit of a stretch, isn't it?
Killing you because you were bad at games?
To be fair though, I were really bad.
What, drown-in-a-toilet bad?!
Yeah. Very bad.
I always got picked last for teams.
Johnny Rylance got picked before me and he's got six toes!
Christa, what were you...?
Oh, never mind!
What was he...?
Oh, my God. We've been so stupid!
CCTV camera.
Right, we need the footage from the camera outside the boys toilets.
The CCTV tapes are over here.
There's a bunch missing from the day you were killed.
So the question is...
If you put a lion in a cage with a bear...
No, who took them?
Right.
No... yeah, I get you.
The thing with some cases, it's not as much about
the clues that aren't there as it is about the ones that are.
This killer thought he was smart by taking the tapes,
but he ended up leaving us his escape route.
There's a map of the CCTV cameras.
This is how we're going to catch your killer.
All the great crime-fighting duos -
Holmes and Watson, Batman and Robin, Shaggy and Scooby -
they've got chemistry.
They had something between them
and I'm not talking about a fat, dead virgin.
Camera six. So the killer must have come through here with the body
from the toilets towards the...
What are you doing?
Disguise.
If the killer sees me, he'll know we're onto him.
Hello? Ghost, vampire - the only thing anybody can see
is me walking around talking to myself.
We could expose ourselves to her and no-one would know. Please don't.
So we can't be seen on them, but werewolves can?
I'm not a werewolf!
If you kissed one of us, it'd be like you were grinding the Invisible Man.
If you tossed us off, it'd look like you were skiing.
You should be taking this seriously.
We solve this, you get to rest in peace, remember?
Tape nine was the last one the killer took, and that leads here.
Mr. Swan's domain.
Has one of you farted?
Don't look at me - I haven't eaten in a week!
Oi! What do you think you're doing here?
Being an explorer? Bugger off! This place is out of bounds!
This is intimate.
Are you sure you haven't farted?
Guys? Guys!
I think that's another tick in the guilty column.
No, this is circumstantial evidence.
I've seen Kavanagh.
Yeah. We need some proof, otherwise Matt's going nowhere.
How do you like that, Ofsted, eh?
Eh?!
What's bloody going on?!
Well, what does it look like?
I was... I was leaning against it and...
..and it just kind of moved.
Bullshit! Even you're not that fat!
I am! He is.
It was an accident. I'm sorry.
Good save by me, though, don't you think?
Well, you didn't have to use your tongue!
He's a murderer. He could have killed us!
But I-I-I knew he could...
..and you could... Grrr!
Yeah, I'm not...
whatever the hell that was!
Maybe we should leave it for a bit,
the investigation. I mean,
there's no bringing me back, is there?
You did it on purpose, didn't you?
No. Why would you do that, Matt?
He could have worked out we were onto him.
Then...
then maybe he could run away and...
and I could stay.
You can't stay. Why?
Because you two want to be alone together?
No!
You knew how I felt about her and you still kissed her.
Oh, we've been over this!
And you kissed him back! Not out of choice!
I'd rather chew my own face off than kiss either of you.
Look, Matt, I'm flattered you like me...
but we're just friends and that's all we'll ever be, OK?
If we're friends then why do you want to get rid of me?
We don't! We just...
The fact that you're here means there's unfinished business.
You're restless. You'll never be happy.
But I'm happier now than I've ever been, with you two.
If Swan killed you, he could kill again.
We can't let that happen. Isn't that right, Adam?
Yeah, whatever.
Then let's do it quickly.
The longer this goes on, the more painful it is for my mum and dad.
Why? Are they off their dinner?
Adam!
Opposite.
I'm worried if they eat more comfort food
then they'll reach the other side before I do.
We've got to find that body.
How do you propose we do that?
Well, when we were in the gym earlier, I...
..noticed that my sense of smell was better than normal.
Maybe because tonight's a full moon, maybe...
I'm not admitting it, OK?
All the things you said about me - I'm not saying they're right.
I can't. Not yet.
I'm just saying...
there might be something I can do to help us.
What? I don't understand.
I'm saying we follow my nose.
Have you ever looked back at your actions
after a drunken night and thought, "Was that really me?"
cos that is what a full moon's like -
the morning after.
I wake up with bad hair and a stale taste in my mouth
and I can't remember a thing after wanting to puke.
For all I know, I could have gone to bed with a good book,
or I could have torn my family to pieces.
So what do you normally do, you know,
when... when it happens?
There's a rubbish chute in our building,
which leads down to the basement.
No-one goes in at night and I can sneak out in the morning
when they collect the rubbish.
Oh, the glamour!
At least I'm safe, everyone else is safe.
This was YOUR idea.
Yeah, I thought I could use my senses to help find Matt's body.
I didn't think I'd be
out and about so close to full moon! It is getting pretty late.
We have to be out here now. This is when your senses are at their peak.
This is old-school. I spoke to my man George.
He said we take this bad boy for a spin, let her sniff out the body.
When she's about to change, bring her here
and the wolf'll follow the smell till it's knackered.
Or something. Look, it'll be fine,
and if it isn't, I've got the RSPCA on speed dial.
Are you getting anything?
Of course she is. She's a good girl, aren't you?
What is your problem?!
Time of the month?
Come on, Adam. She's doing her best.
Great. Say we do solve your stupid murder, then what?
I'm lumbered with Deputy Dawg.
Yesterday you snog my face off, now I'm Deputy Dawg?
Thought you'd rather chew your face off than kiss me. So that's what...
We'd best get you to the field.
No, we need to find the body or we'll have to wait another...
Christa... Get off me!
We'll make sure no-one moves the body and find it tomorrow.
It's locked.
What? I'll check the other side.
No, you can't see me change!
You have to get out!
I'm going to rip your head off!
We're trapped.
Well, technically, YOU'RE trapped. What?
What's through that door? Equipment cupboard.
You think you can open it if I lead her towards it?
Christa... Christa?
Hockey stick.
So what do you lot have against werewolves?
Other than the fact they can tear you to pieces,
they're part-timers, once a month.
We have to deal with our shit 24/7.
I just thought that...
well, I just thought that you might like her,
with you being mean to her and... Like that makes any sense!
All I'm saying is that...
Now I'm out of the running because I'm...
A fat Doctor Who fan?
..dead...
..then there's no-one I'd rather see her with than you, mate.
Look, like I said, I'm not into her and you're definitely not my mate.
I need sleep.
Hello.
Well, if Britney went to Oxfam...
How are you doing?
I think I ate a basketball.
Don't suppose you found anything... while I was busy?
Maybe it wasn't here in the first place.
It was, definitely. I could smell it.
Unless...
Unless what?
Unless it WAS in there.
Werewolves'll eat anything.
I wanted to get inside you, but not like that!
My creps! Eugh!
There's no body parts in there, is there?
Matt, can you see any of yourself here?
Matt?
Were I really that fat?
And that's with the decomposition.
You two had best get out of here.
If Swan locked us in then he's going to come back.
I can take him.
Hang on, why lock us in in the first place?
What's going on in here?
You tell us.
My God! What have you done?!
Oh, good effort.
We find a body in your little domain and it's nothing to do with you? Me?
You tried to have the toilets cleaned, hide the evidence.
When?! Jesus, who's interrogating who here?
When you were arguing. Mr. Roe...
told us.
I am not a caretaker. I'm a teacher.
I don't care what Mr. Swan says. I am NOT cleaning toilets.
What are you talking about, cleaning the toilets?
I wanted to know how he'd lost my keys!
Wait a sec.
If Roe had a set of keys...
Then he could get into the CCTV room.
And lock the gym.
He's the one that told us about Brandy.
Her name wasn't originally Mulligan.
He must have known what we were doing.
He must have been listening to us the whole time.
I've had enough of this.
I'm calling the police.
No-one's calling the police.
I know what you were doing.
You were trying to torment me.
Vampires, werewolves, ghosts?
Pretending he's here -
your fat little friend!
We weren't pretending.
Matt?
You can read!
Because I'd had enough.
Every single day they pushed and pushed and pushed.
So I pushed back.
He keyed my car. Did he tell you that?
It wasn't me!
I followed him into the toilets and there he was,
writing some other jibe about me -
twat, paedo, Roe-mosexual!
I couldn't let it go.
It was like I wanted to flush him away.
Flush away all the shit I had to take every single day!
It wasn't him!
Adam, no!
Please, mate, don't.
He doesn't deserve it.
Matt, he killed you.
But he's right - he's just like me.
I used to be lonely and angry.
Just imagine what I'd be like at his age.
Yeah, about 30 stone.
Seriously, do you have like an off switch?
Matt, you'd never be like him. You're better than that.
Yeah, but that's because I met you two.
Look at him.
That's what's left of him.
Matt, it's your door.
So I guess this is it.
So, with me gone,
this really leaves a clear path for you two.
Oh, we've been over this. There never really was a path so...
I don't want you to hold back out of loyalty towards me.
Yeah, that was never happening anyway.
You have my blessing.
That's really kind of you, mate. Thanks.
You don't HAVE to go, do you, Matt?
I mean, this has been kind of... fun.
Yeah, weird... but fun.
I'm taking the body. Without the body, they've got nothing.
Don't touch her!
Matt, the door!
Now, now!
So does this mean I can stay?
I suppose so. For now.
That's amazing!
It's like the three of us - together forever!
Well, the door was meant for Matt, not for Roe.
So? I don't think they like it when the living go where the dead belong.
It sort of messes up the system. It's just like the Post Office.
If worst comes to worst, they'll send him back.
That's what I'm worried about.
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