TODD: Gupta.
Where have you been? I had a big morning.
I decided by this time next year,
I'll be a big Bollywood star.
That's great. But right now, you're late for work.
Oh, really? What time is it?
8:05.
Five, six, seven, eight!
(BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING IN HINDl)
TODD: Gupta.
Gupta. Gupta.
What are you doing?
It was just... There was...
Dancing and flowers...
So beautiful.
Okay. Well, I need you to focus on work right now.
All right.
What time is it?
9:17.
18, 19, 20!
Welcome back, sir.
Did you enjoy your 37-minute coffee break?
Hey, why's my hold light blinking?
Funny story. Jerry's been on hold 10 minutes.
How's that funny?
I guess you had to be here. Which you weren't.
JERRY: Hello? Hello?
Hey, Jerry. Sorry to keep you holding.
Oh, Todd, jeez. That hold music is some crazy Indian nonsense.
TODD: No, it's a Smooth Hits station. No, it's not.
Wait. Hang on. Hang on.
(INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey. Sorry, I don't know what happened there.
JERRY: I can't even remember why I called now.
It's like in my ear I hear
(IN SING-SONG VOICE) binga-bocka, binga-bocka, binga-bunga...
It sounds like somebody left some change in the dryer.
All right. All right. I'm on it, Jerry.
Yeah, fix it ASAP.
Our customers need soothing music.
Like Taylor Swift or that Justin Bieber kid.
Basically anything that sounds like a pretty, white girl, okay?
This is our phone box? I'm amazed we get any calls at all.
Is that a shoelace? Oh, I get it.
We're Indian, so everything must be crude and slapdash.
Oh, wait, that's a licorice.
And that's a baby snake. (EXCLAIMS)
I'll call a repairman. And a mongoose guy.
(MADHURI SINGING IN HINDl)
What are you doing? (TOILET FLUSHING)
The most beautiful sound was just coming from in there.
What?
I don't take any longer than anybody else.
Show her what you were just doing in there.
But, Todd, she can barely speak.
I actually think she could win.
What are you guys talking about?
I heard Madhuri singing in the bathroom.
It was incredible!
Oh, good for you, buddy.
I'm Manmeet.
Madhuri has long, dark hair.
Kind of shy.
Always wears a sari.
You know her as Big Eyes. Oh!
Big Eyes can carry a tune?
Yeah. She's amazing. I think she should enter
one of those Bollywood singing competitions. I checked online.
There's one coming up at the Palace Theater.
I think she could be the next Susan Boyle.
Who? Well, she was just
a regular person until she sang on this TV competition
and became a huge star.
I mean, that could be Madhuri.
This is Susan Boyle.
I think she's kind of hot.
What? I'm attracted to talent.
And I like the natural look.
A guy could really grab a hold of those eyebrows.
TODD: Give me one good reason
why Madhuri shouldn't enter.
Because it's a fantasy.
It's false hope.
Americans always think anyone can be a star or the president.
But Indians, we're more pragmatic.
Come on. Everyone's got dreams.
What about you, Manmeet?
Isn't there something you've always wanted to do?
Well, I have thought about becoming
a long haul trucker in the United States.
Well, that's an oddly specific dream.
I read about a trucker who had
three different wives in three different states, man.
(LAUGHING)
I mean, this man is my idol.
My dream job's kind of a cliché.
Rock star? Movie star?
Voiceover artist. What's that?
Close your eyes.
Go ahead.
Everyone.
(CHARLIE CLEARS THROAT)
Please keep your luggage with you at all times.
Unattended baggage will be destroyed.
(LAUGHING)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Wow. Kind of felt like I was just at an airport.
Oh, that's my bus station. I'm not ready for an airport.
What do you think? Would Madhuri enter?
No way, man.
She'll never get up there by herself and sing in front of people.
Hey, guys. Before you leave, I have an announcement to make.
Don't worry, it'll only take a minute.
Merriam-Webster describes opportunity as
a favorable juncture of circumstance.
Now, someone here has tremendous talent.
And I want to encourage it.
Now, I used to play some guitar myself.
I'm pretty good,
but if someone would have pushed me, I might have been great.
How much encouragement pushes us to the end of this story?
So there's a singing competition down at the Palace Theater,
and if anyone's interested, I will pay the entrance fee.
And if anyone is a little shy about performing alone,
I will be happy to accompany them on the guitar.
All right, I'll do it!
What? No...
(SINGING) Who wants a taste
of Gupta
(SIGHING) Oh, jeez.
Any requests?
ALL: No.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Shall I call the authorities?
It appears that a dancing bear has gotten loose in the call center.
Really, he's not that bad.
(CREAKING) TODD: Oh.
That was regrettable.
Hats off. You picked the one Indian who cannot sing or dance.
Come on. I don't think every Indian can sing...
(SINGING) Oh, I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me
Wow, Rajiv, I had no idea...
Somebody who
Don't you wanna dance Say you wanna dance Don't you wanna dance
Hey, Gupta. (LAUGHING)
How are you feeling about the competition?
It's coming up pretty fast.
(EXHALING) Don't I know it. Yeah.
Look, I feel like I really
rushed you into this whole thing.
So, if you're feeling any doubts, I mean, any doubts at all,
like, the tiniest, smallest of doubts,
like, even if you hear me say the word "doubt,"
you don't have to do this.
Todd, does this look like doubt to you?
(EXCLAIMS)
I don't know what that looks like.
(SOFTLY) I have to talk to you about something.
(INHALING DEEPLY)
When I brought up the competition yesterday,
I was thinking that Madhuri is really talented. And so I...
Todd, Todd, Todd. I understand.
You know, people don't take me very seriously around here.
But you did and it meant a lot.
So, if you want Madhuri in the band, she's in the band.
Gupta... Arey, Madhuri.
You have no charisma,
but you may play keyboards.
So, thank you and you're welcome.
(SPEAKING HINDl)
GUPTA: Asha, I was looking for you.
Your fashion sense is one of a kind.
Oh, thank you.
Not the kind that's appropriate for work,
but your garish style would be perfect on stage.
Would you do my wardrobe?
Well, Gupta, when you ask like that...
Great.
This gig will certainly be a feather in your cap.
Feathers in caps.
Start there.
Okay. So, the hold music. Think you can fix it?
No problem. No problem. All right, great.
Go ahead.
No problem. No problem?
All right. Let us know if you need anything, all right?
Sir?
I cannot tell if you are being deliberately obtuse,
but in India it's customary for service repairmen
to receive a small sum of money before they commence work.
So, even though we have a service contract with this company,
we still have to bribe him?
Bribe?
That is an ugly, ugly, entirely appropriate word.
Hey. You ready for lunch?
No, I've got a situation here.
If you're a hostage, blink twice.
What? No.
This guy wants me to pay him off to fix the phones.
Hell, no. Don't do that.
I haven't paid one bribe since I got here.
That's not the American way.
Oh, well, we should definitely do things the American way.
Because we're in America.
Oh, wait. This is India.
I don't think I have a choice, Charlie.
I gotta get this fixed.
I can do it for you.
Really? You can handle it?
Yeah. My dad worked for the phone company. I got this.
Okay. We'll take care of it ourselves.
You know, I can also get you free access to my favorite 900 number.
Ask for Donna.
She has a huge, perverted vocabulary. Like a dirty Tom Clancy.
(GUITAR PLAYING)
TONYA: Whoo!
Thank you, call center! You've been amazing!
You going to be all right in front of such a big crowd?
There could be a couple hundred people.
Oh, please. I've played guitar at church on Easter Sunday,
9:30 and 11:00. Bitches went crazy.
I'm sorry, Yoko. This is a closed practice. Band only.
Good luck. I will see you at the show.
Oh! Hi.
Oh, good luck. (EXCLAIMS) Thank you.
You're not in the band.
Ready? I was born ready, Todd.
I will win the competition,
and by this time next year,
my name will be on everybody's lips.
And T-shirts, which I will call "Gup-tees."
And a line of herbal teas, which I will also call "Gup-teas." (CHUCKLES)
Yeah, we really need to practice. I know.
Do you know how to play the song? Okay. Yes.
A five, six, seven, eight.
(SINGING) Close your eyes
Give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating?
Do you understand?
Do you feel the same
Or am I only dreaming
Or is this burning
An eternal
Eternal...
(EXCLAIMS)
(SINGING) Etern... Etern...
Eternal
(SPARKLER SIZZLING)
Flame
What?
So, how attached are you to the sparkler?
(CHUCKLES)
The sparkler sets up the torch.
It's a build, Todd.
MANMEET: Charlie.
Hey, Madhuri, you got a minute?
It's Manmeet. And no, I've got to get to the concert.
I forgot my extra battery.
This will only take a second. I told Todd I'd fix the phones.
Come on.
(SIGHING)
Okay. Hurry up. Let's go.
All right. Hold this wire.
And this one.
Okay. Now, touch them together.
Are you sure these go together?
If I knew that, I wouldn't need you.
(SCREAMING)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING IN HINDl)
You look great.
Hello.
MADHURl: Do I have to wear this T-shirt?
My "Gup-tee" is very itchy.
I know, but we're here to support him.
You know, Gupta's gonna have a night he'll never forget.
And we'll have the same thing, for very different reasons.
With show time approaching, how will the band hold up?
Manmeet, what are you doing?
Oh, I'm just getting behind the music.
I want to document the happy times,
before you get ripped apart by fame, drugs,
and the crushing debt of starting your own
amusement park and private zoo.
Manmeet. You should probably just let them focus.
Of course. The girlfriend
that can't keep her nose out of band business.
Oh, good. I'm not too late to see your hopes dashed.
And finally, the evil corporate suit.
(SINGING)
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
All right, it's Gupta time.
Let's do this.
Yeah! (WOMAN SCREAMS)
(WOMAN SPEAKING HINDl)
A little help?
Ah!
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
(INHALING)
(STAMMERING)
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
(WHISPERING) Gupta, snap out of it.
Let's run.
No, no, we've just gotta let him get into it.
(SINGING) Close your eyes
Give me your hand
Darling
Do you feel my heart beating?
Do you understand?
Do you feel the same?
Am I only dreaming
Or is this burning
An eternal flame?
Say my name
Sun shines through the rain
A whole life so Ionely
And then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling
Do you feel the same?
Am I only dreaming
Or is this burning
An eternal
Flame?
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
(BUZZING)
Good morning, sir.
Oh, thank God.
I did most of the repairs myself.
But I just need you to look them over and maybe
tell me why nothing's working.
I know, I know.
Here's your bribe. Just do it.
I hate to interrupt you abandoning your principles,
but I'm curious. Where did you stable your high horse?
Todd doesn't need to know about this.
I disagree, but perhaps I could be persuaded.
Fine.
This is highly insulting.
I'm sorry. I thought you wanted a bribe.
I do, but I am management. Not a common laborer.
Hey. Sorry.
A little more?
A little more.
I'm gonna go to the ATM. I'll be right back.
Hey.
You were really good last night.
Thank you.
You know, the theater's holding another competition next month.
Bet you could win the whole thing.
That's okay.
But you could be living the dream, you know?
Get discovered, travel the world,
have all these girls throwing themselves at you...
Or guys.
Or one special guy who you commit to for life
in a culturally appropriate way.
(LAUGHING)
Sir, I am already living my dream.
I have a great job.
I make enough money to provide for my entire family.
I'm happy the way things are.
Really?
That's great.
You know, not a lot of people can say that.
Excuse me.
(SIGHING)
Hey, Gupta. Todd.
So, last night... I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I squandered your entrance fee. I will pay you back.
No. You know, I actually think what you did was great.
Pretending to choke so that Madhuri had to sing.
That was brilliant.
(STAMMERING)
Yes.
Quite brilliant.
I thought to myself,
"Why waste my time on a local contest?
"Let Madhuri have this little victory."
I need a bigger canvas.
I will build my fan base in Germany. Like the Hasselhoff.
Well, good for you. (KNOCKS DESK)
Oh, Gupta. Just the man I'm looking...
(CHOKING)
Sorry. In front of crowds, I... (CHOKING)
Okay. Rajiv, give him a break.
Yeah, I know, you're right. Just having a little fun.
Singing in front of people can be difficult.
I know. It was so...
(SINGING) Somebody who
Somebody who
Somebody who loves me
You've made your point... I need a man
Who takes the chance
On a love that burns hot enough to last
And when the night falls
My Ionely heart calls
(WHISPERS) Key change.
I wanna dance with somebody... (SINGING) When the night falls
You're flat, man.
(BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING IN HINDl)
Ah!