[instruments warming up]
Excuse me!
[plays horn]
Hey, cody.
Hey, barbara.
[crashing]
Oh--oh, are you ok, sweetie?
Let me kiss it and make it better.
Barbara,
Not in front of the string section.
Is this band class?
It's called orchestra.
Looks more like a dork-estra.
Hey, look, everybody, I'm your new lead singer.
I'm going to need a mike and a long cord
To swing it around to impress the ladies.
Welcome to orchestra--
[screams]
That's odd.
My new math teacher said the same thing
When I walked into his class.
That's because there's a "beware of zack" poster in the teachers' lounge.
Actually, my stage name is nasty z.,
The dark prince of awesome!
Can you even play an instrument?
Absolutely. I play the electric guitar.
I'm sure I could play this mini geek version.
[twanging]
Oh, dear.
I have an idea.
How about you just
Stand in the back and playsure, but...
Where do I plug it in?
?here I am in your life ?
?here you are in mine ?
?yes, we have a suite life ?
?most of the time ?
?you and me, we got the world to see ?
?so come on down ?
?just me and you know what to do ?
?so come on down ?
?it's you and me and me and you ?
?we got the whole place to ourselves ?
?you and me, we got it all for free ?
?so come on down ?
?this is the suite life ?
?we've got a suite life ?
Captioning made possible by disney abc cable networks group
Enjoy your stay.
Whatcha doing?
Just a-working.
Oh, perfect.
I need to watch the employees work.
Daddy wants me to learn the hotel business.
London, that's a wonderful idea.
You can observe people in all the departments.
Oh, you'll learn everything about this hotel.
Yay! Where do I start?
Hmm...Oh! How about we start at the front door?
Oh, good idea!
Where's that?
It's in the front.
Right next to norman the doorman.
Oh, that front door.
Ok, norman,
Show me your job.
No, I will not leave until you show me what you do.
He just did.
You get paid for that?
Your life is sweet.
Ok, let me try!
[yells]
London, you have to continually man the door.
Oh, right. Sorry!
[screams]
All done!
What else do you have for me?
[whimpers]
Now, class,
As you all know--
[snores]
We have our annual fundraising concert coming up.
No pressure.
But if it is not a giant success,
We will have no funds, no orchestra,
And I'll be back teaching music in prison.
Don't worry, mrs. M.
I'll keep you out of the joint.
[dings]
Eh? Eh?
Fortunately,
We do happen to have a true musical genius
In our class.
Oh, you're too kind.
Not you!
Him.
[whispering]
That's sergei mishkin,
The russian violin prodigy.
I have his poster.
Me too.
And for $12.50, I'll autograph it.
Now, where do I sit?
Why, anywhere you want.
Well, I always sit in the front.
Right where that kid is.
Billy, to the back!
But, mom!
I said, to the back!
Sergei, would you like to warm up?
Sergei is always warm.
Especially when sitting next to such a lovely first violin.
[giggles]
Did you see that?
Yeah.
Someone's pretty full of himself.
[plays violin]
Oh, bravo! [applause]
He wasn't that good, was he?
That was beautiful.
[ringing]
[applause]
It's my job to help the guests when they call needing--
Got it. This ought to be a breeze.
[telephone rings]
[ring]
Want me to get that?
It would help.
[ring]
Hello?
I don't know any mr. Laners in room 1521.
No!
That was a guest trying to get some information.
Well, then he should just call the concierge.
That's us!
[ring]
Hello?
A good restaurant?
Ooh, I like el bulli in Spain.
No!
You have to recommend restaurants in boston.
Well, why don't they just get on their private jet?
They don't have a private jet.
[gasps]
You don't have a private jet?
Why am I talking to you?
That stupid sergei thinks he's so great.
Just because he's--
Great?
Well, barbara seems to think so.
I never want to see his stupid face again!
What do you think of the poster I made for your fundraiser?
[growls]
[panting]
A simple "I don't like it" would have been fine.
He's not a big sergei fan.
Ll, everyone else is.
That's why mr. Moseby is letting us have the concert here at the tipton.
Isn't that great?
Yeah, almost as great as barbara falling in love with that
Rotten russian romeo.
Ah, so, that's what's going on.
I think I see a little green monster.
I couldn't find a tissue, ok?
I'm not talking about boogers.
I'm talking about jealousy.
Yeah, cody, chill.
You always panic and go to the worst-case scenario.
I do not.
They'll probably name their kids
Natasha and sergei jr.
Puberty stinks!
There you are. [dings]
You dinged?
No. You say, "may I hep you?"
Hep? What's hep you?
You know. Hep.
Hep! Hep!
Hooray!
Less cheering, more bellhopping.
I can help her!
Ok, remember, be polite. We share tips.
Oh, in that case, here's a tip:
Don't eat garlic for breakfast.
Oh, that's heavy.
Could you hold this for me?
Oh, certainly.
I'm new at this.
Bellhopping? Working.
Could you also hold these two?
Oh, gosh. Oh, and this one, too.
Oh, um, this one isn't even mine.
Oh, I know, but it's hideous.
I wouldn't be caught dead holding it.
Thanks. Miss london!
You cannot make the guests carry
Their own luggage.
But it's heavy.
That is why you use the luggage cart.
Great, got it.
Let me hep you with that.
What's hep?
Oh, just give me the luggage!
[screams]
Hep...
Attention, class.
We only have 2 more weeks to prepare for the concert,
Which I am sure will be an outstanding success.
Thanks to...
Girls: Sergei.
Sergei!
[cody gasps]
Did you see that?
She dropped her chin hankie on purpose.
Sergei's putting a move on barbara.
There's cody, there's no need some d to be jealous.
Barbara is crazy about you.
Yeah. She did give me
An engraved protractor for my birthday.
And if that's not nerd love,
I don't know what love is.
Hey, really?
Seriously?
Sergei is in love with barbara,
And they're going to move back to russia
And raise llamas.
What?! I know.
Llama seems weird. There's more money in alpacas.
I can't believe it!
No, it's true.
Alpaca wool is valued for its versatility.
I mean, it's used in blankets, sweaters, mittens--
Put a sock in it!
I knew there was something going on between those two.
Ok, class, and--
Barbara simka brownstein,
You have betrayed me
And the love that we shared.
I was learning yiddish for you,
And all I get in return is...
Tsuris!
We're through!
[timpani plays]
And you got me playing the triangle.
[groans]
[playing french horn]
Dude, what is that?
You're bringing me down.
Ode to joy.
[playing]
Honey, if you miss barbara so much,
Then why did you break up with her?
I had to.
Barbara and sergei were going to move to russia
To raise llamas.
Dude, you're--
You're jealous of a rumor.
And I'm not even sure I heard it right.
Oh, great.
Now, I've ruined my life by dumping barbara.
I have nothing!
You have a family that loves you.
I mean, something that I care about.
[weeping]
Wimp.
Zack, shouldn't you be practicing for the concert?
Oh, yeah!
[dings]
[crash]
Done.
[k come on in!
London?
Oh, I'm not london.
I'm the maid trainee.
She's my boss.
Yay, me.
Here you go, carey.
Thanks.
I don't know why you're always complaining about work.
Oh, look. One leg!
Uh, london, dear, you have to turn the vacuum on.
But I don't like the noise.
I don't like the dirt.
Fine.
Oh, not that switch!
I'll get someone to clean this up.
Here you go.
[indistinct chatter]
Ok, boys, girls,
Genius.
Look at them.
You know, it's ironic.
By you breaking up with barbara,
You may have driven her right into sergei's arms.
[laughs]
Gum?
Sergei: Barbara,
Perhaps you will be needing help tuning your strings?
I can't take this anymore.
I have to get barbara back.
[applause]
Tell barbara that I was really stupid
And that I want her back.
Pass it on.
[tuning up instruments]
And smell like a yak?
No, no, I said that I was really--
[playing tchaikovsky's nutcracker March]
Hey, see you in a half hour.
That's my son on the triangle.
Where did he go?
Well, I did it.
I've done all the jobs in the hotel,
And now, I'm ready to do yours.
Oh, my, london, you can't--
Lond--!
Who do I yell at first?
But my job isn't yelling at people.
So, you just do it for fun?
No! [cell phone rings]
Marion moseby.
Yes.
Do you mind? No, you can leave.
Oh, ooh.
It with london.
Mr. Moseby, we've had it with london.
Oh, she is a disaster.
She is the worst worker I've ever seen.
[all gasp]
You were saying?
What I meant was... [panting]
Uh, tell her, grace.
[gasps]
Irene!
Uh, norman.
Well, I didn't know you all felt this way about me.
Especially you, norman.
Your words hurt most of all.
I am so sorry my new bellhop threw
Your luggage out the window.
But on the bright side,
It did make it to the limo before you did.
[laughs] oh.
Moseby,
All the employees were mean to me.
They say I didn't do a good job.
Well, in their defense, you did wound most of them.
Well, they wounded me--
Right in the heart!
So, I fired them.
What?!
Everyone, despite what you've recently been told,
You're not fired.
Oh, thank you, thank you, sir.
We did not mean to hurt your feelings, miss london.
Just as I am sure you did not mean to give us
These giant boo-boos.
London, maybe you should talk to your father
And tell him the hotel business is not for you.
But it is for me.
The hotel is in my blood.
Actually,
Our blood is in the hotel.
But I've gotta get into the hotel business.
I'm a tipton.
And you do what tiptons do best.
Cut down rainforests to put up resorts?
No.
Ooh, finance takeovers in foreign countries
To secure mining rights?
No. I meant, do nothing.
Nobody does nothing and orders people around
Better than you do.
You're right.
This hotel couldn't function
Without me doing nothing.
Irene, get me a table at el bulli.
And a chair.
Grace, pack my luggage.
Esteban, take it to my jet.
Moseby, yell at them if they don't do it right.
[clears throat]
Thank you.
[chuckles] thank goodness.
Now, I don't have to worry about london injuring anyone else.
By the way, moseby...
Hmm, I wonder where he went.
[playing tchaikovsky's trepak]
What are you doing here?
I'm here to apologize.
I'm too busy to yak right now.
That's not what I said!
What?
I said, I want you back!
Huh?
[gasping]
Nobody touches sergei's bow!
[speaking russian]
Barbara,
The only reason that I broke up with you
Is because I thought you and sergei were moving
Back to russia to raise llamas.
I'm not interested in sergei.
Plus, the real money is in alpacas.
And besides, I only care about you.
Audience: Aw!
You do?
[clarinet plays love theme from tchaikovsky's romeo and juliet]
Oh, barbara.
Oh, cody.
Barbara, I'm sorry I was so jealous.
There's no one else I'd rather be with.
There's no one else I'd rather be with, either.
[orchestra plays]
I'd do anything for you.
That's why I learned yiddish.
You're my latke.
I'm your potato pancake?
Well, I guess I need to study some more.
I was trying to say you're my true love.
Close enough.
You're my-- [speaks in yiddish]
Oh, barbara.
Oh, cody.
[applause]
[playing tchaikovsky's waltz of the flowers]
[watch alarm sounds]
Oh, hey, grand finale time.
Hmm, that's not good.
Um,
Mr. Moseby, can you help?
[orchestra playing]
No time to panic.
I have exactly...
No time.
Ah, here we are.
Ok, easy, easy,
Easy...[screams]
[gasping]
[applause]
Hey, right on time.
[chuckles]
[groans]
That's yours.
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