I'm telling you Maddie, I'm worried.
I don't know where he is. He's over two hours late.
I just hope he's not hurt or in trouble.
Hey, babe. Sorry. Passed the pet store.
Had to stop and play with the puppies.
Yeah, he's in trouble.
Hey, hon.
Hey.
What is that? What would you say if I told ya
That you could make fresh club soda at home
For a fraction of the cost of store-bought?
I would say, "I hope you didn't order something
Off the TV again. You promised. " well, now you can!
Vicky, please. When you read in bed, you fall asleep,
And I end up sleeping on the book,
And it hurts my back.
Come on. How can you be mad? I'm the lovable late guy.
You can't be mad at the lovable late guy.
I am not afraid of a one-way hug.
I will squeeze the mad out of you.
There it goes.
We have an entire cabinet full of your useless gadgets.
This was supposed to be the cereal cabinet.
Now we just don't have cereal. Okay, well, maybe I'll take my gadgets out of there,
And I'll put them in this giant trunk.
Oh, wait. It's completely filled
With your old board game collection.
Why don't we start throwing some of these away? Oh! Because people love classic board games. Wholesome fun.
"uh, how can we liven up this boring dinner party?"
Well, I know.
How about a rousing game of
The game of fiscal policy for the whole family"?
Okay, it wasn't the best example.
The only people that like playing these games
Are the people on the box.
I mean, look at that.
I don't ever want to be that happy.
Just so we're clear,
You're making the deliberate choice
To keep reading,
With blatant disregard for my lumbar region? I'm sorry, Joel,
But I take our "no talking after 9:00" rule seriously.
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This place would be perfect for the wedding!
The grounds are beautiful.
That grass will really make my eyes pop.
Ooh, that does look nice!
Mm. Oh, wait. No, maybe we should save it for you,
Just in case you and Ben ever decide to get married. Oh, that sounds lovely.
I hope the nursing home lets me out for the day so I can come.
Fine, fine. Make fun of us all you want,
But Ben and I are happy with our decision not to get married.
It's a valid life choice. ...Valid life choice.
I don't know why you don't understand it. ...Why you can't understand it.
Do you really have to do this every time? ...Have to do this every time?
No, but it gives us such joy. Wow. I love this place, but look at the price.
Mom, what are you thinking budget wise?
Two things. Your father feels very strongly
That this should be a modest event,
Given the financial realities of the day.
Number two... screw that cheapskate.
One of my daughters is getting married,
And I finally get the chance
To show that snotty Barbara Ryerson
What a real wedding looks like.
And then I'll sit her
Next to the malfunctioning chocolate fountain.
Hey. Oh, hey, hon.
Hi. We're just having a little meeting about the wedding.
Oh! I wanted to mention, I did speak to my boss at the hotel,
And we are able to offer you the sunset package...
At the sunrise package price.
Okay. Who wants to handle this?
What?
What's wrong with having it at my hotel?
Is this about the incident?
It was a murder-suicide.
It wasn't even the bride and groom!
And I can't believe anyone even still remembers that.
It was four months ago.
This is unbelievable. Casey is late again.
He was over an hour late last night.
So it... it bothers you that he's late? What?
No, it's just, you know, you're not the most punctual person
In the world. Well, that is totally different. I'm fashionably late.
Like, if something starts at 5:00,
I'm almost always there by 5:15.
That's when the cool people get there.
That's not true. I'm there at 5:00.
Well, there you go.
Hey.
You're very pretty.
I know what you're doing... But thank you.
Look, Mia, you gotta nip this in the bud right away.
You know, this is a very critical point
For your relationship. You gotta set the rules early.
You know what? You're right. I'm not just gonna sit around
And wait on this guy for the rest of my life.
Tonight when he gets home, we are gonna have it out.
Aw. It's your first real fight.
That is just so adorable.
I remember when your father and I were first dating...
the year was 1920. Ah, the telegraph had just been invented.
Prohibition was in full force,
And the speakeasies were crowded.
That's the kind of thing
That your daughters can get away with but I... Can't.
Noted.
Have you seen my book?
Oh, no. Did you misplace it?
Because I left it right here.
Weird.
And you didn't take it because you were mad
I wouldn't stop reading it last night?
I'm sorry. What?
I couldn't hear you over my screaming back pain.
Hey.
Here for the meeting.
Oh, did I miss it?
Yeah. We had time to have the meeting...
And grow corn.
Can I offer you some homemade club soda?
What?
Oh, it's so cool. I just made a fresh bottle.
I did that.
Uh, just a heads-up, by the way...
Mia is, uh, super-pissed that you missed that meeting.
She's gonna let you have it when she sees you. Oh, really?
Yeah, and something you should know about the putney women...
They fight dirty, and they do anything to win.
Like... Maddie's a lawyer,
So she uses her words to trick and trap you.
You maintain that you were unable
To go to my family reunion on the 17th
Because of a previously established work commitment? Yes, and I feel awful.
And yet you also previously stated
Th you love my extended family
And "if it was any other day"... any chance to see them...
I submit an e-mail from my aunt Bethany, received today.
The reunion has been changed to the 18th.
Oh. Uh... My work thing might also be...
I have nothing further.
And that's why when one of the putney women comes at you,
It's best to just get out of the way.
Let it go. Just makes your life a lot easier. Doesn't that bug you?
No. Uh, a little.
Yes.
Yes, it does.
A lot, actually.
Can we talk about something else?
Is this supposed to smell like a dirty swimming pool?
You've gotta let it breathe.
Then there's Mia, and she is a wild card.
You never know what she's gonna do.
I do not have a temper!
I just don't understand.
It's just a puppy. I just wanted one puppy, okay?
I just wanted one puppy!
That's my crossword zzle, bitch!
I may be misremembering that last one.
But she definitely freaks out if you do her crossword puzzle.
I get it.
I freak out when I see people in super-tall hats.
Walkin' around, thinkin' they're all better than me.
Anyway...
I would just go into tonight prepared for anything.
Uh, I appreciate the tips, man, but, uh, I got a plan.
A plan?
Yeah, I have a way of dealing with these things.
Oh, that's... Slightly menacing.
I think I'll be fine, but thanks for the heads-up. I gotta tell ya,
I like having another guy around to deal with the putneys.
It's nice. Maybe this is our thing... we help each other out.
Yeah. Well, here's a way I can help you out.
You can just buy club soda at the store.
You know your earrings don't match?
Yes. I seem to have misplaced.
Huh. Weird.
What are you doing home?
I thought you were supposed to be golfing.
I can't find my clubs.
Huh. Weird.
So you gonna play tennis?
I have a lesson at 5:00.
Why?
No reason.
My prescription goggles!
Casey, you cannot just show up whenever you feel like it, okay?
You're not the only person in the world! Ohh!
That's too expensive.
I am not gonna sit around this house
A-and wait for you to show up like some stupid little...
Okay. I'm gonna stop this right now.
What are you doing?
Nudin' up.
Why?
You can't fight with someone when they're naked.
It's a scientific fact.
Why are you talking like that?
Flexing.
That is the dumbest theory that I've ever heard.
But it works! You can't be mad at someone when they're naked.
They're too exposed, too vulnerable.
It'd be like punching a bunny or tripping a nun.
Well, you are in trouble, pal,
Because I have done one of those things.
All right. I'm ready.
Okay. I-I'm not just gonna sit around here
Waiting for you all the time.
When I say 6:00, I mean w... you are very naked.
Oh, big-time.
Okay. Okay.
Because when I say to be home by 6:00,
You better damn well be...
You do look very vulnerable. That is true.
Thank you.
Okay, Casey.
What I'm trying to say is that I am so mad,
A-and I'm angry, and I'm mad, and...
Aren't you cold?
Nope.
You know what?
You're right.
I can't be mad at the lovable naked guy.
And just so you know, the bunny started it.
And that worked? Seriously? Totally naked?
No, I'm not gonna try it.
I'm not gonna try it. Mia, I gotta go.
Love you. Bye.
Oh, that was Mia? Uh, did she happen to mention
If there's been any movement on having the wedding at my hotel?
I got them to throw in an extra appetizer...
Salmon toast. It's not real salmon,
But the toast is... Mostly real.
Ben, two people died.
No free appetizer is gonna make that go away.
But... Look, it was an isolated violent act,
And I can't believe that people actually think
That place is haunted. That is silly.
I mean, sure, I hear noises at night
And... Someone or something calling my name.
You know, I am worried about them.
Mia was all geared up to let Casey totally have it,
And then he told her, "you can't be mad at a naked guy,"
And then they ended up just laughing
And forgetting the whole thing.
That guy! I mean, it always seems to work out for him.
If I have to start my life over again, I would be Casey.
And I would...
I would stop that murder-suicide.
Man, I'd be a hero.
Well, you'd be Casey, so Casey would be a hero.
That guy gets everything.
The thing is, they never actually had the fight
About Casey's lateness.
Well, maybe on some level they're afraid to fight,
'cause there's so much at stake.
They're engaged. They're having a baby.
But that's why it's so important that they learn, you know?
Eventually they're gonna have an issue
That they can't just nude their way out of.
We need to teach them how to fight like we do,
Using constructive communication
And compromise.
The three C's... that's what we always say.
We never say that.
They look up to us. We're their role models. I don't think we are.
They were practically begging us to help them.
That is definitely not true.
So it's settled.
At dinr tonight, we'll each take a side
And show them how to have the argument.
Uh... I-I know your heart is in the right place
And you want to helpia,
But you might want to stay out of this one. I can't. Ben, come on.
You don't understand. Wh you're a big sister,
And you think you can help your little sister,
You have to do it,
And your boyfriend has to help.
Okay. I didn't realize it was that important to you.
It is. Thank you. Mwah.
So you feel like playing a little boinkers?
I would like that very much.
It's a board game.
Oh, then no.
Hey, what about having the rehearsal dinner here?
Oh, no way. This is my second drink and nothin'.
You look great, by the way.
You've got that pregnancy glow.
Can't wait till she gets the superstrength.
You know how people say new moms can, like, lift cars and stuff?
Oh, no. I think that's only if their child is under the car.
I don't think that's, like, all the time.
You'll see.
Ben. Finally. I've been waiting.
So... I'm late.
Why can't you relax and roll with it?
While I respect your "relax and roll with it" philosophy,
I feel that when you're late,
You're telling me that you don't respect my time.
What is this? What's going on here?
Does everything have to be such a big deal?
Sometimes I'm just late because I had stuff to do.
Boy, am I frustrated, but I won't raise my voice.
Instead I'll use the three C's...
Constructive communication and compromise. Whew.
Now I feel safe to express my emotions.
Oh, God.
You're not taking an acting class again, are you?
No, see, through the use of role-playing,
Uh, Ben and I were just pointing out
How Mia and Casey could communicate better
Regarding Casey's lateness problem.
You were so good.
You were amazing! I was nervous.
I don't understand why your generation
Has to analyze and talk about everything.
Nothing good ever comes from talking.
Just have a couple drinks,
Flirt with someone you're not married to,
And go home.
Mom... You don't really mean that.
Just look at your father and I. We never fight. We just...
Why is he not back from the bathroom yet?
Oh, my God. He went home.
I can't lose another pantsuit.
Parents running. Always funny.
Casey, focus. As you can see from our little play,
Even though you're not doing it on purpose,
When you're late,
It makes Mia feel like you don't care about her.
I know. I've actually been thinking about that.
I am always late,
But I have never had someone
Whose feelings I cared about so much before.
Maybe it's time to change that.
Really? You're worth it.
And you know what? I can help, too.
I-I'll just tell you to show up
A half an hour before I want you there,
Unless now that you know that,
You'll factor that in and be even later. No, no. I never factor stuff in.
Wait. Wait, that's it?
Yeah.
See, that's the way we do it. Compromise. We don't do that.
What? What they just did... we don't do that ever.
Oh, that's not... you say we compromise, but we don't.
What about with your gadgets? That was a great compromise.
No. You just talked until you got what you wanted.
You remember the play? You said I was good.
Well... You know...
And I always... I just... I-I let it go,
Because it seems easier to keep the peace,
But Casey... Casey doesn't let it go.
Casey does whatever he wants, and then look at your dad.
Your dad... he... he doesn't let it go.
He steals your mom's stuff.
Why am I the only one who lets it go?
I... you know what?
You know what? I-I am done. I am done letting it go.
I am letting it go no more!
I think the record will reflect...
Oh, that's another thing!
This is not a courtroom argument.
This is a real person argument,
And this real person is pissed!
Wow. Ben is still yelling.
Why is he being a helicopter?
Oh, he must be talking about that time we were in Hawaii
And he didn't want to take the helicopter tour
Because they make him nauseous, but she talked him into it,
And he threw up.
Why is he pulling his hair back?
I think he's pretending to be your dad.
Ugh. This section's gonna take a while.
Maybe we should go in and try to defuse this.
Too bad you didn't tell her about the calming powers
Of getting naked. Oh, wait, you did.
Maddie! Getting naked in public?
What are you thinking?!
I'll tell you what she's thinking.
You can't be angry at someone when they drop the nude bomb.
What are you doing? Get out of here. That's not for you!
Boy, you were, uh, naked in there.
Like, naked naked.
Well, you appreciate the convenience
Of the camera phone, and then bam!
One day you wish they were never invented.
Ohh. I can't believe I did that.
I don't even like to change at the gym. I can't believe I yelled
In front of a restaurant full of people.
I was so angry. How did this happen? I'm not a yeller.
And I'm not a stripper. Yeah.
How did we get here, Ben?
Because I... I never wanted to fight with you,
But I gotta tell you,
I'm not sorry
That I said those things.
I'm sorry I'm not sorry, but I'm not sorry.
That must have been building up for a while.
I'm glad you finally let it out.
We need to be able to do that with each other.
If we just let things fester without ever dealing with them,
Imagine what a train wreck our relationship would be
In 30 years.
I don't know what the kids are talking about.
I don't get it at all. Nudity ruins fighting.
I agree.
Honestly, it just... it just makes me angrier.
And, as you saw,
You'd be in a completely separate ballroom
From "the incident."
Plus, you get to use my discount,
Stay in the presidential suite.
Little-known piece of trivia...
One of our presidents used that room to have his affairs in.
Really? Which one?
Well, I'm not supposed to say, but, uh...
Zachary Taylor.
Well, the ballroom is really nice.
We can add this to our list of possibilities. Really?
Yeah. What do you think, Casey? Yeah. Sounds good to me.
Whoa. Hey, super-tall hat. How's it going?
What's, what do you think, ? You're better than me?
Yeah, you better walk away.
Yeah, we're not having the wedding here.
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