Louis, don't tell me you have a lot on your mind.
I've got a lot on my mind.
I am buried in paperwork.
I've got an office full of whining, annoying patients...
Sorry, just making a point.
And if that isn't bad enough, now he's here.
Yeah, well, good morning to you too.
Damn it, Louis, I bought the present and I wrapped it.
All you had to do was sign the card,
and even that was too much trouble.
You know, Margaret,
I know you and Louis are having problems,
but don't you think you might be overreacting?
You already bought the card.
Why didn't you just sign his name?
Because it's my damn birthday.
Oh, happy birthday.
Say, are we having cake?
Guess not.
Dr. Becker, there's a kid in your office.
He says you're his godfather.
Oh, hey, you're kidding. I know.
You're not even Italian.
Someone asked you to be a godfather?
Yeah, my college roommate.
How many people did he ask before he got to you?
Hey, I happen to care a lot about that kid.
In fact, we have a very special relationship.
Which is probably why.
Alex decided to follow in my footsteps
and go pre-med at NYU.
His name is Adam and he's at Columbia.
Well, I was pretty close.
Hi, ha, ha. So, Adam, how are you?
Good.
Well, that's good. Yeah, good.
Oh, I know. Uh, wanna sit down?
Yes, that'd be good. Okay.
So how are you?
Still good.
Good.
My dad's coming to town.
Oh, thank God.
You know, we'll be able to get together and...
Yeah.
Yeah, look, you know, this...
This whole godfather thing,
I'm... I'm not really very good at it.
Oh, hey, we're just talking, right?
I'm not very good at that either.
Well, you could ask me how I like school.
If I'm dating anyone.
Okay. That.
School's fine.
And, yes, I'm dating someone.
And I like him a lot.
Well, that's great, that's great.
You know, it's good that we're catching up like this.
Didn't you hear me? I said him.
I'm dating a guy.
I'm gay.
Well, I-I heard you.
I just thought that might be something
I was supposed to know already.
Actually, that's the reason I'm here.
I was hoping for some advice on how to tell my dad.
Oh, wow. Oh, jeez, um...
I always thought if you called me, it'd be to ask me for money.
And I know the answer to that, but...
boy, this... This... This is big.
Maybe I could just get a Valium to give Dad before I tell him.
Look... Look, y-your dad loves you a lot.
And, uh, I just gotta figure that it will all end up okay.
I mean, I think you've just gotta come out and tell him.
Actually, you already came out, didn't you?
I mean...
Hey, you're halfway there.
Is that a definite no on the Valium?
Oh, look at all these people walking into the Academy Awards.
I'd love to go to a party like that.
The gowns, the jewelry, the glamour...
This fork smells.
And then there's my life.
Come on, Bob, show a little sensitivity.
I mean, can't you see Reggie's just trying to dream?
My fork smells too.
It's not your fork, it's the...
Oh, well, you already ate it.
Oh, no, as if my morning wasn't bad enough.
Look who just pulled up.
It's Sara from the bakery.
She thinks her life is so much better than mine.
Everyone thinks her life is better than yours.
Hey, I even think my life's better than yours,
and that's saying something.
Well, get this.
She borrowed a dress from me six weeks ago,
and she still hasn't returned it.
I just hate her, the big phony.
Sara, hi!
Reggie, how are you doing?
Listen, I was just taking some of my freshly baked doughnuts
to the homeless shelter
and thought maybe you had food you'd like to donate.
Oh, I'd love to. If you can wait, I'll go make something.
Reg, they're homeless. Haven't they suffered enough?
Oh, don't listen to him. They'll take anything.
Ooh, but I'm afraid I really can't wait.
My new Lexus is double-parked.
Bye-bye. Goodbye.
Enjoy your new car.
I hope it blows up.
Can you believe her? She still didn't mention my dress.
Maybe she forgot. Oh, she didn't forget.
She wants me to think she forgot so I'll mention it.
And then I'll look like the petty one.
But I'm gonna keep quiet
until she brings that dress back to me.
And then she'll be horribly embarrassed
at how long it took her.
Which means I win.
Do you hear yourself? Hey, I am the better person.
And if I have to humiliate that phony bitch to prove it,
I will.
I'm sorry I'm an hour late, but I have a really good excuse.
Huh? Oh, that's all right.
Don't you wanna hear it?
No, not really.
All right, you'll hear it tomorrow.
Margaret, are you all right?
As a matter of fact, I'm not.
When I woke up this morning, Louis was gone.
Dead? No.
He left the house before I woke up.
I found this note.
"We need to talk. Meet me at Angelo's at 6:30."
Well, what's wrong with this?
He obviously wants to make up for missing your birthday.
Then why did he sneak out of the house?
I tell you, Linda, he's been moody and secretive for months.
This can only mean one thing.
He wants a divorce.
Oh, come on, Margaret, don't jump to conclusions.
Maybe he just has a girlfriend.
The way I figure it, he's taking me to a public place
because he's afraid that I will make a scene.
Why would he think that?
He knows me.
Mr. Berman, next time you wanna pet an animal, try a dog.
New York squirrels have way too much attitude.
Hey, John. Ha, ha. Hey.
Yeah. Adam told me you were coming.
Nice to see you. You too, you too.
Well, this is great.
They're still letting you practice medicine, huh?
He doesn't have a real medical degree.
Mr. Walters, he's kidding. We were college roommates.
So, uh, seen Adam yet? No, not yet.
We'll get together later. Oh, good.
I stopped by to see if you wanted to have lunch with me.
I thought maybe we'd go over to the Four Seasons. How's 1:00?
Oh, Four Seasons. Uh...
Do you really wanna go all the way into the city
and pay 30 bucks for a burger?
We can go to Ming's right here. Okay. It's my treat.
Oh, you know, if you really like the Four Seasons...
No, no, if you want Ming's, you got it.
Okay, it's my way of saying thank you
for keeping an eye on Adam.
No problem. Glad to do it. Yeah.
Hey, you know, he's a great kid. Don't you forget that.
John, quit sucking up. I already said I'm paying for lunch.
Ha, ha. I'll see you at 1.
Hey, I wasn't kidding. Get out while you can.
You're an idiot. Ha, ha.
You passed up lunch at the Four Seasons to eat at Ming's?
Mr. Walters, your wife and your girlfriend
are both patients of mine.
Watch who you call an idiot.
Wow, she's hot.
Yeah, if you like fake breasts.
For your information, those are real.
Those, on the other hand, are fake.
Real. Real.
Fake. Real.
Real fake.
Oh, my God, who cares?
A, you're disgusting.
B, this is so unfair to me.
Here, pretend it's Braille.
I gotta get back to the building to turn off the heat.
Why? I do it every couple of days.
Then I wait an hour and I turn it back on.
It gives the tenants the illusion
that I've actually fixed something.
Hey, Reg, Sara's car just pulled up.
Well, if she doesn't have my dress,
I'm gonna rip the one she's wearing right off her body.
Then again, what's my rush?
You know what? This is stupid.
Just ask her for the dress and be done with it.
I told you, I don't wanna seem petty.
Well, then make up some story why you need the dress back.
Good idea. I'll tell her I have a date.
Well, it's gotta be something she'll believe.
Reggie, hi. Could I have change for a dollar?
Father Tendrick's parking meter expired,
and I'd hate for him to get a ticket.
Here. My treat.
Are you sure you can spare it?
Yeah. Oh, thanks.
Oh, Sara, I almost forgot. I have a date tonight.
Well, fingers crossed.
My point is, you borrowed a dress from me and...
Oh, I know. I'm late in getting it back.
It's at the dry cleaners.
Well, I kind of need it tonight.
Oh, no problem. I'll go right over and get it.
I just need to rearrange my schedule.
Let's see, volunteer at the Senior Centre.
Meeting at the church. My daughter's dance recital.
Oh, she'll cry if she doesn't see me there.
Oh, but... Ha, ha.
Give me the ticket. Pardon?
Give me the ticket. I-I'll just pick up the dress myself.
Oh, you're the best.
Oh, I have just enough time
to get to the hospital for the blood drive.
Don't you just hate that they only let you donate one pint?
Bye-bye.
It's unbelievable. She screwed you again.
No, she didn't.
Reggie screwed herself.
Now, if she hadn't lied about the date,
she'd have gotten her dress tomorrow,
picked up and paid for, ha, ha.
But it was your idea to make up the story in the first place.
It was his idea to open up a newsstand.
You saw how that turned out.
Ming, can I have another fortune cookie?
I'll tell you your fortune.
If you don't order something soon,
a tall dark man is gonna throw you out
on your cheap white ass.
And I keep telling you, Ming was the last owner.
I'm Bill.
Yeah, well, you remind me of Ming.
He didn't like me either.
Ooh, noodles. Hey.
Oh, what? You gonna serve these again?
You know, I was in Nam.
I could kill you with this chopstick.
I thought you were never gonna make it.
Excuse... Uh, could I have some water, please?
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna retire off you two.
Boy, y-you look terrible.
I just talked to Adam,
and he just told me something that really threw me.
Oh, so you know, huh?
You know? Well, how come you didn't tell me?
Well, it wasn't my place. You know,
Adam thought it'd be best if he told you he was gay.
He's gay?
Isn't that what he told you?
No.
Um, he told me that he was quitting pre-med.
He's quitting pre-med?
It's 5:15. You're gonna be late for your dinner with Louis.
Believe me, I'm in no hurry.
You know, Linda,
I have been imagining this conversation for months,
but now that it's about to happen, I'm scared to death.
If Louis wants a divorce, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I don't know what to say.
I know, Linda. Thanks.
No, I don't know what to say because I've never been dumped.
Good luck with it.
Is Dr. Becker here?
Uh, yes, he's in his office.
Yeah, I know the way.
How could you tell my father I was gay?
Yeah, I didn't know I was telling him.
I thought you'd already told him.
I tried to, but he got so pissed off about med school,
I chickened out. Yeah, about med school.
I can't tell you how much that hurt me.
What are you talking about? You barely know me.
Yeah, and if you were a doctor,
we'd have much more to talk about.
What? You're right.
I-I'm sorry. I...
Sit down. I-I'm sorry about this whole thing.
I-I didn't mean for it to turn out like this.
Well, now he won't talk to me at all.
Y-You think it would help if I talked to him?
Why? Because you're so good at it?
Show me a little respect. You know, I am your godfather, Alex.
Adam. Adam.
She did it to me again.
The ticket that Sara gave me wasn't just for my dress.
It was for half of Bloomingdale's. Ugh.
Why didn't you just pick up your dress and leave the rest there?
Because that's what she'd want.
If I just picked up my dress, I'd look petty.
How much did it cost not to look petty?
Seventy-eight dollars and 37 cents.
Which didn't leave me enough money for the bus,
so I had to walk for ten blocks
carrying all these stupid hangers.
And my feet are killing me and my fingers are deformed.
Well, at least you don't look petty.
You may not like Sara,
but you have to admit, she's got good taste.
Silk, cashmere...
Cheap synthetic.
Now how'd that get in there?
That's mine.
Margaret, where have you been?
I'm dying to hear what happened with you and Louis.
Are you okay? I'm fantastic.
Really?
Things couldn't have worked out better.
Louis lost his job.
That pretty much rules out alimony.
No, Linda, I was wrong.
I thought that Louis wanted a divorce, but he doesn't.
It turns out that he was laid off months ago,
and he was too ashamed to tell me.
Poor guy, every morning he was getting dressed,
fixing his lunch, and then just pretending to go to work.
That's the job I want.
Hey, Margaret, tell Dr. Becker the good news.
Louis lost his job.
Isn't that fantastic?
You know, I always hoped that you
would be an influence on her.
Okay, I'm here.
You wanna talk, let's talk in your office.
Oh, boy.
Now, what the hell's your problem?
Adam told me you won't even speak to him.
That's because I don't know what to say.
Well, I-I know you're upset,
but don't you think you're overreacting?
My son just told me he's gay.
You wanna tell me what the appropriate reaction is?
Well, I know it's not to stop talking to him.
Oh, boy, here we go again.
John Becker, the expert on everybody else's life.
Somebody needs to tell you how to behave.
What the hell happened to you? You used to be open-minded.
Well, I'd like to see how open-minded you would be.
John, you don't even have kids.
You don't know what it feels like.
Yeah, you know, that has to... And you know what?
You're his godfather.
You were supposed to look after him.
I sent you a perfectly straight med student,
and look what happened.
Jeez. Come on, now listen to yourself.
I know, I know, I know. I'm not supposed to feel this way.
It's wrong.
But this is the way I feel.
You know, I... I had these pictures in my head
of everything that was ever gonna happened to him.
His graduation, his wedding, his children.
And then today, in an instant,
every picture I had changed.
Frank, believe me, I know how you feel.
John, believe me, you don't have a clue.
Real. Real.
Fake.
Wow, look at that, one of each.
Reggie, hi. I got your message.
What is it you wanted...?
Oh, my, what's all this?
I thought since I was there,
I might as well pick up all of your clothes
and save you the trip.
That is so thoughtful.
How much do I owe you?
Oh, gee, I don't really remember.
I think it was something like $78 and 37 cents.
Here you go. Here's 20, 30, 40 in cash,
and $40 in coupons.
That makes 80.
Coupons? I paid cash.
Well, that may be, but I was gonna use those coupons.
But you didn't pick up the clothes.
But I was going to,
and I don't see why I should be out $40
just because you did something you weren't,
let's be honest, really asked to do.
What?
Well, I wanna be fair, so forget the change, ha, ha.
Well, gotta go.
Oh, my gosh, I just remembered.
This jacket is yours.
I borrowed it months ago.
Reggie, if I ever do something like that again,
for heaven's sake, remind me.
Well, bye-bye.
My life just sucks.
Look, I appreciate you calling my dad,
but he's not gonna show up.
Oh, now we don't know that for sure. It's only been...
An hour and 20 minutes.
You know what? Maybe we should order.
He was in Nam.
I shouldn't have said anything. I should've kept this to myself.
Oh, come on, you can't live like that.
Your dad will come around. He just needs some time.
Adam, I'm sorry. I wish things had gone better.
Sounds like your father hasn't grasped the choices you've made.
We're having a private conversation here.
I know, I'm trying to move this thing along. I wanna close up.
Look, my father had hopes and dreams for me too.
He worked hard so that I could get an education.
I did.
He hoped that one day I would have
one of those big offices over on Wall Street.
Well, I did.
And he wanted me to make a million dollars.
I did that too.
What the hell happened?
I took the money and started a business
selling shoelaces over the Internet.
Oh, good one.
Well, everyone needs shoelaces.
You'd think so, wouldn't you?
How does this relate to what we were talking about?
My point is, I didn't exactly realize my father's dreams,
and he still loves me.
Yours will too.
Thank you.
Thanks, Ming, that really helps.
Thanks, Ming?
I said the same thing to you like an hour and a half ago.
Well, it sounded better coming from him.
We Chinese are very wise.
So you ready to order?
I'm not really hungry. Are you?
No. I'm kind of filled up on these noodles.
I don't suppose you want any Pokémon shoelaces.
Huh.
I'm gonna die with those things.
Well, what do you say, Adam?
You know what?
I'm gonna wait around a little bit longer.
My dad might still show up.
All right,
I'll wait with you.